You Can't Always Get What You Want
by Xavier2163
Summary: New Moon/BD AU. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of her love for Edward as her life changes drastically. NO WOLVES/NO IMPRINTS OOC ExB Lemons. New Updates after long Hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of her love for Edward as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **BPOV (Bella), Bella starts the story. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

Significant portions of the first two chapters of this story are ported directly from New Moon, but have been heavily edited to put my spin on them to set up the rest of the story that continues in the future chapters.

It didn't really work to just say that "this story starts after chapter two" because the events in the previous chapters are similar but different in my version.

Before you say, why are you starting another new story, what about the other ones you're working on? I'm still working on them. I'm working on this one too. I've been working on it for a while in my spare time, and some of the people that know that were interested in reading it.

I'd really love to hear what you think if you like it.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 1 Eighteen

I woke with a start–my eyelids popping open wide–and gasped. Dull gray light, the familiar light of an overcast morning, took the place of the blinding sun in my dream.

The dream was still so vivid in my memory. I'd been standing in the meadow with Edward sparkling in the brilliant bright sunlight. I thought I'd been looking at my Grandma Marie, but the dream had become a nightmare when I realized I was staring into a mirror.

The tiny wizened old lady with the soft and withered skin, bent into a thousand tiny creases that clung gently to the bone underneath, who stood before me like a dried apricot was me, not my grandmother.

Just a dream, I told myself. It was only a dream. I took a deep breath, and then jumped again when my alarm went off. The little calendar in the corner of the clock's display informed me that today was September thirteenth.

Only a dream, but prophetic enough in one way, at least. Today was my birthday.

I was officially eighteen years old.

I'd been both dreading and anticipating this day for months.

All through the perfect summer–the happiest summer I had ever had, the happiest summer anyone anywhere had ever had, and the rainiest summer in the history of the Olympic Peninsula–this bleak date had lurked in ambush, waiting to spring.

And now that it had hit, it was even worse than I'd feared it would be. I could feel it–I was older. Every day I got older, but this was different, worse, quantifiable.

I was eighteen.

And Edward never would be.

Of course eighteen did hold certain advantages that were now my prerogative as a result of coming of age. Certainly I could vote, but another advantage of being considered legally an adult came to mind. My relationship with Edward had blossomed over the summer and had matured into an intimate pairing as we explored being a couple together.

I had slowly been wearing down his resolve in regards to his outdated attitudes about dating and courtship rituals as he described it. I had taken it upon myself to educate him in the accepted mores and values of the twenty-first century, and had been helping him to adapt to a more modern outlook on what was considered acceptable behavior for a dating couple.

I had rewritten Edward's rules on appropriate contact and he had been a more than willing pupil. Considering that he had been my boyfriend for more that seven months, we had been to third base often. He allowed me to touch him intimately and he was gentleman enough to return the favor. We had done almost everything that a modern dating couple would consider acceptable with one glaring exception.

We had practiced every intimate act that a man and a woman could perform to bring pleasure to each other, but Edward still refused to consummate our relationship. I was still technically a virgin, despite my best efforts to move beyond that status.

Despite the fact that I could regularly get him out of his clothes now, and we had both become adept at providing oral pleasure, he wouldn't go that final step and actually have sex with me. It was beyond frustrating to have a naked Edward in my bed at night, and know that he would do anything to me that I asked but complete me as a woman.

Renée had always taught me that sex was an acceptable and expected part of a healthy relationship between a man and a woman. But because I was still a child in his eyes and the eyes of the law he had withheld this final act of love that I was more than willing to share with him.

His final argument was a moot point now. I was eighteen today, and could make my own legal decisions. I was considered an adult in the eyes of the law and now I could be a consenting adult in our relationship as well. I would no longer be denied, and that was the motivation behind my intense anticipation of this day.

Truth be told, I would have preferred to have both Edward in my bed making me a woman and remain seventeen with him forever, but I had made little to no progress on changing his mind on the subject of turning me. Perhaps allowing our physical relationship to mature had been a strategy on his part to thwart my efforts and resolve at being changed. I couldn't argue that the summer hadn't been fun and almost entirely fulfilling, but the significance of today's date would mark a turning point in our relationship.

Edward would be mine.

All of him.

When I went to brush my teeth, I was almost surprised that the face in the mirror hadn't changed. I stared at myself, looking for some sign of impending wrinkles in my ivory skin. The only creases were the ones on my forehead, though, and I knew that if I could manage to relax, they would disappear. I couldn't. My eyebrows stayed lodged in a worried line over my anxious brown eyes.

I was being pulled in so many different directions this morning. It was just a dream, I reminded myself again, but it was affecting my mood. Just a dream… but also my worst nightmare. I had more important things to focus on instead of letting a dream ruin what could be the best day of my life if I let it.

I skipped breakfast, in a hurry to get out of the house as quickly as possible. I wasn't entirely able to avoid my dad, and so I had to spend a few minutes acting cheerful. I honestly tried to be excited about the gifts I'd asked him not to get me. Part of me wanted to cry, while on another level the anticipation I could feel for getting Edward alone tonight was starting to improve my mood.

I struggled to get a grip on myself as I drove to school. The vision of Gran–I would not think of it as me–was hard to get out of my head, but I shoved it to the back of my mind. I concentrated on the anticipation while trying desperately not to form any definite plans for tonight until I pulled into the familiar parking lot behind Forks High School. I spotted Edward leaning motionlessly against his polished silver Volvo, like a marble tribute to some forgotten pagan god of beauty. The dream had not done him justice, and he was waiting there for me, just the same as every other day.

Despair, anticipation, conscious thought momentarily vanished; wonder took its place. Even after half a year with him, I still couldn't believe that I deserved this degree of good fortune.

His sister Alice was standing by his side, waiting for me, too.

Of course Edward and Alice weren't really related (in Forks the story was that all the Cullen siblings were adopted by Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife, Esme, both plainly too young to have teenage children), but their skin was precisely the same pale shade, their eyes had the same strange golden tint, with the same deep, bruise-like shadows beneath them. Her face, like his, was also startlingly beautiful. To someone in the know–someone like me–these similarities marked them for what they were.

The sight of Alice waiting there–her tawny eyes brilliant with excitement, and a small silver-wrapped square in her hands–made me frown.

I'd told Alice I didn't want anything, _anything_, not gifts or even attention, for my birthday. Obviously, my wishes were being ignored.

I slammed the door of my '53 Chevy truck–a shower of rust specks fluttered down to the wet blacktop–and walked slowly toward where they waited. Alice skipped forward to meet me, her pixie face glowing under her spiky black hair.

"Happy birthday, Bella!"

"Shh!" I hissed, glancing around the lot to make sure no one had heard her. The last thing I wanted was some kind of celebration of the black event.

She ignored me. "Do you want to open your present now or later?" she asked eagerly as we made our way to where Edward still waited.

"No presents," I protested in a mumble.

She finally seemed to process my mood. "Okay… later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the digital camera from Charlie?"

I sighed. Of course she would know what my birthday presents were. Edward wasn't the only member of his family with unusual skills. Alice would have "seen" what my parents were planning as soon as they'd decided that themselves.

"Yeah. They're great."

"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."

"How many times have you been a senior?"

"That's different."

We reached Edward then, and he held out his hand for mine. I took it eagerly, forgetting, for a moment, my fluctuating moods. His skin was, as always, smooth, hard, and very cold. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze. I looked into his liquid topaz eyes, and my heart gave a not-quite-so-gentle squeeze of its own.

Hearing the stutter in my heartbeats, he smiled again.

He lifted his free hand and traced one cool fingertip around the outside of my lips as he spoke. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"

"Yes. That is correct." I could never quite mimic the flow of his perfect, formal articulation.

It was something that could only be picked up in an earlier century.

"Just checking." He ran his hand through his tousled bronze hair. "You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

Alice laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" She meant it as a rhetorical question.

"Getting older, of course getting my way for once might be nice too." I answered anyway, and my voice was not as steady as I wanted it to be.

Beside me, Edward's smile tightened into a hard line.

"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice said. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Edward," I mumbled.

He sighed.

"Technically," she said, keeping her tone light. "Just by one little year, though."

And I supposed… if I could be sure of the future I wanted, sure that I would get to spend forever with Edward, and Alice and the rest of the Cullens (preferably not as a wrinkled little old lady)… then a year or two one direction or the other wouldn't matter to me so much. But Edward was dead set against any future that changed me. Any future that made me like him–that made me immortal, too.

An impasse, he called it.

He had successfully used our physical relationship to distract me until now, but the final obstacle on that front was now within my grasp and I would be able to focus my efforts on getting him to accept that I had to be changed for us to be together. At least time was working to my advantage in that aspect of our relationship as a couple.

As far as changing me was concerned, I couldn't really see Edward's point, to be honest.

What was so great about mortality? Being a vampire didn't look like such a terrible thing–not the way the Cullens did it, anyway.

"What time will you be at the house?" Alice continued, changing the subject. From her expression, she was up to exactly the kind of thing I'd been hoping to avoid.

"I didn't know I had plans to be there."

"Oh, be fair, Bella!" she complained. "You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"

"I thought my birthday was about what I want."

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," Edward told her, ignoring me altogether.

"I have to work," I protested. Edward usually met me after work and I had taught him about the joys of parking. We'd had a lot of fun in the backseat of his Volvo. I had been anticipating an interesting time tonight.

"You don't, actually," Alice told me smugly. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

"I–I still can't come over," I stammered, scrambling for an excuse. This was even better, but I didn't want to make plans, or Alice would see it, and so would Edward.

"I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."

Alice snorted. "You have Romeo and Juliet memorized."

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it–that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented." I had another performance in mind, but they didn't need to know that.

"You've already seen the movie," Alice accused with a knowing look in her eye.

Damn, I had let that slip, and now she could see what I was planning.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."

Finally, Alice lost the smug smile and glared at me. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other–"

Good, Alice was playing along. Hopefully she was blocking her thoughts from Edward.

Edward interrupted her threat. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."

"So there," I added.

"I'll bring her over around seven," he continued.

Seven? I could work with seven. That should be plenty of time. More time than we would have had in the backseat of the Volvo, and my bed would be much more comfortable. We'd gotten pretty far in the past after school before Charlie came home. The only thing that had stopped us so far was Edward's reluctance to go all the way. Seven o'clock would give us hours alone before Charlie showed up tonight.

"That will give you more time to set up." Edward commented to Alice.

Alice's laughter chimed again. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." Then she winked at me when Edward looked away to gage my reaction.

She grinned–the wide smile exposed all her perfect, glistening teeth–then pecked me on the cheek and danced off toward her first class before I could respond.

"Edward, please–" I started to beg, but he pressed one cool finger to my lips. I had a role to play, and he'd know something was up if I just gave in.

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."

No one bothered to stare at us as we took our usual seats in the back of the classroom (we had almost every class together now–it was amazing the favors Edward could get the female administrators to do for him). Edward and I had been together too long now to be an object of gossip anymore. Even Mike Newton didn't bother to give me the glum stare that used to make me feel a little guilty.

He smiled now instead, and I was glad he seemed to have accepted that we could only be friends. Mike had changed over the summer–his face had lost some of the roundness, making his cheekbones more prominent, and he was wearing his pale blond hair a new way; instead of bristly, it was longer and gelled into a carefully casual disarray.

It was easy to see where his inspiration came from–but Edward's look wasn't something that could be achieved through imitation.

As the day progressed, I considered ways to get Edward into my bed this afternoon before we went to the Cullen's tonight. It would be bad enough to have to celebrate when I was in the mood to mourn. Hopefully the afternoon's activities would provide something worthy of celebration. Attention was never a good thing, as any other accident-prone klutz would agree. No one wants a spotlight when they're likely to fall on their face. And I'd very pointedly asked–well, ordered really–that no one give me any presents this year. It looked like Charlie and Renée weren't the only ones who had decided to overlook that.

I'd never had much money, and that had never bothered me. Renée had raised me on a kindergarten teacher's salary. Charlie wasn't getting rich at his job either–he was the police chief here in the tiny town of Forks. My only personal income came from the three days a week I worked at the local sporting goods store. In a town this small, I was lucky to have a job. Every penny I made went into my microscopic college fund. (College was Plan B. I was still hoping for Plan A, but Edward was just so stubborn about leaving me human…)

Edward had a lot of money–I didn't even want to think about how much. Money meant next to nothing to Edward or the rest of the Cullens. It was just something that accumulated when you had unlimited time on your hands and a sister who had an uncanny ability to predict trends in the stock market. Edward didn't seem to understand why I objected to him spending money on me–why it made me uncomfortable if he took me to an expensive restaurant in Seattle, why he wasn't allowed to buy me a car that could reach speeds over fifty-five miles an hour, or why I wouldn't let him pay my college tuition (he was ridiculously enthusiastic about Plan B).

Edward thought I was being unnecessarily difficult. But how could I let him give me things when I had nothing to reciprocate with?

He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance. As the day went on, neither Edward nor Alice brought my birthday up again, and I began to relax a little. We sat at our usual table for lunch.

A strange kind of truce existed at that table. The three of us–Edward, Alice, and I–sat on the extreme southern end of the table. Now that the "older" and somewhat scarier (in Emmett's case, certainly) Cullen siblings had graduated, Alice and Edward did not seem quite so intimidating, and we did not sit here alone. My other friends, Mike and Jessica (who were in the awkward post-breakup friendship phase), Angela and Ben (whose relationship had survived the summer), Eric, Conner, Tyler, and Lauren (though that last one didn't really count in the friend category) all sat at the same table, on the other side of an invisible line.

That line dissolved on sunny days when Edward and Alice always skipped school, and then the conversation would swell out effortlessly to include me.

Edward and Alice didn't find this minor ostracism odd or hurtful the way I would have. They barely noticed it. People always felt strangely ill at ease with the Cullens, almost afraid for some reason they couldn't explain to themselves. I was a rare exception to that rule.

I know it had bothered Edward how very comfortable I was with being close to him in the beginning. We had gotten much closer over the summer, and he was used to it now.

He thought he was hazardous to my health–an opinion I rejected vehemently whenever he voiced it. He was as necessary to me now as the air I breathed, and I wouldn't be able to exist without him.

The afternoon passed quickly. School ended, and Edward walked me to my truck as he usually did. But this time, he held the passenger door open for me. Alice must have been taking his car home so that he could keep me from making a run for it. She was good, covering all the bases, as though I would run from this, but I had to make it look good.

I folded my arms and made no move to get out of the rain. "It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…"

"All right." He shut the passenger door and walked past me to open the driver's side. "Happy birthday."

"Shh," I shushed him halfheartedly. I climbed in the opened door, wishing he'd taken the other offer. It would have given us more alone time.

Edward played with the radio while I drove, shaking his head in disapproval.

"Your radio has horrible reception."

I frowned. I didn't like it when he picked on my truck. The truck was great–it had personality.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." I was so nervous about Alice's plans, on top of the butterflies in my stomach from my own plans, that the words came out sharper than I'd meant them. I was hardly ever bad-tempered with Edward, and my tone made him press his lips together to keep from smiling.

When I parked in front of Charlie's house, he reached over to take my face in his hands. He handled me very carefully, pressing just the tips of his fingers softly against my temples, my cheekbones, my jawline like I was especially breakable. Which was exactly the case–compared with him, at least.

"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," he whispered. His sweet breath fanned across my face.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" I asked, my breathing uneven, playing along.

His golden eyes smoldered. "Too bad."

My head was already spinning by the time he leaned closer and pressed his icy lips against mine. As he intended, no doubt, I forgot all about my worries, and concentrated on remembering how to inhale and exhale.

His mouth lingered on mine, cold and smooth and gentle, as I wrapped my arms around his neck and threw myself into the kiss with all the enthusiasm he had come to appreciate over our summer together.

I could feel his lips part and his tongue lightly traced across my bottom lip, begging for entry. My lips parted and the tip of his tongue touched mine gently circling and slipping together as he deepened our kiss. His hands moved on me as he gently cupped my breast with one hand and pulled me closer with his other on the small of my back.

Edward started to pull back and I felt his lips curve upward as his finger tips traced my jaw and stroked my cheek. He let go of my face and reached back to unlock my grip on him.

Edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship in the beginning, with the intent being to keep me alive. Though I respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin and his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth, I had successfully blurred those lines, and then erased and redrawn them to suit my own needs. I had pushed the boundaries of our relationship to the limit and then kept going, but I still tended to forget about trivial things like that when he was kissing me.

"Let's go inside," he breathed against my cheek. He pressed his lips gently to mine one more time and then pulled away, folding my arms across my stomach.

My pulse was thudding in my ears. I put one hand over my heart. It drummed hyperactively under my palm.

"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" I wondered, mostly to myself. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

"I really hope not," he said, a bit smug.

I rolled my eyes. "Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"

"Your wish, my command."

Edward sprawled across the couch while I started the movie, fast-forwarding through the opening credits.

When I perched on the edge of the sofa in front of him, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest. It wasn't exactly as comfortable as a sofa cushion would be, what with his chest being hard and cold–and perfect–as an ice sculpture, but it was definitely preferable. He pulled the old afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over me so I wouldn't freeze beside his body. We would have been more comfortable under the electric blanket on my bed, but I was working up to that.

"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," he commented as the movie started.

"What's wrong with Romeo?" I asked, a little offended. Romeo was one of my favorite fictional characters. Until I'd met Edward, I'd sort of had a thing for him.

"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline–don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"

I sighed. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"

"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." His fingers traced patterns across the skin of my arm, raising goose bumps. "Will you cry?"

"Probably," I admitted, "if I'm paying attention."

"I won't distract you then." But I felt his lips on my hair, and it was very distracting.

"I think I would prefer a little distraction this afternoon." And I felt a low rumble of arousal growl through Edward's chest.

"Is that what Alice was hiding from me at school?" His cool hand slipped under my shirt and traced patterns across the skin of my stomach as he spoke. "You were planning this all day weren't you, you little vixen?"

"It is my birthday after all, and I'm supposed to get whatever I want. You know I only suggested that I had to watch this movie today so we could have some alone time together before we went to your house tonight."

I reached back and ran my hand along the length of Edward's body, stroking across his stomach, along his hip and then back up to rest between his legs where I could feel the hard bulge in the front of his jeans. He inhaled sharply and gave a little shudder as my hand came to rest of the bulge. I gripped the shaft of his cock through the fabric.

"What exactly did you have in mind for this alone time that we seem to be blessed with this afternoon?" he asked, his voice already husky with passion.

"Well, I suppose we could be good and sit here and watch the movie," I squeezed Edward's erection through his pants as I stroked him, "Or…"

"Or what, love…?" Edward gasped at my touch as his hand traveled up my body under my shirt and his fingertips found my nipple through the satiny fabric of my bra.

"Or we could forget about the movie, and go up to my room… Charlie won't be home until at least six o'clock…"

I hadn't finished speaking when I found myself whisked off the couch into Edward's arms and we were moving up the stairs. We entered my room and I heard the door close behind us. There was no lock, but Edward would hear Charlie long before he got home.

I had convinced Charlie to replace my twin bed with a double bed at the end of spring break when I had been convalescing with my broken leg. Alice had spent the night often then, and I told Charlie it wasn't right that she should have to sleep on the floor or downstairs on the couch. Of course Alice didn't sleep, but I knew Edward would appreciate the extra room.

He pulled back the covers now, deposited me on the sheets and then relieved me of my shoes and socks before joining me. He was beside me in an instant, gathering me into his strong arms as his open lips found mine. His cold hand caressed my cheek and jaw, and his cool moist lips were pressed to mine. I snaked my arms around his neck and tangled my fingers in his hair pulling him closer.

The anticipation that I had been feeling for this day energized me as Edward's body pressed against me and his cool lips moved on mine. His lips opened slightly wider and I felt the tip of his tongue trace across my open lips. My lips parted and I felt the tip of Edward's tongue slip against the tip of my tongue again. I was excited and I wanted more. Edward wasn't pulling back this time, and our kiss deepened and became more ardent.

The movement was light and gentle as our tongues met and moved against each other, teasing and exploring. Our tongues played with his circling mine and the feeling was just as incredible and electric as it had been earlier in the truck.

His kisses grew harder and more passionate as his cool lips moved on mine and our tongues tangled and slipped against each other. It was slick and sweet and velvety. I lost myself in the moment giving complete attention to the kiss.

He broke the kiss, letting me pant to catch my breath and his cold cheek nuzzled against mine. My hands moved down to caress the hard muscles of his shoulders and arms. He kissed the hollow beneath my ear, and I felt his cool breath against the side of my neck.

My fingers moved onto the buttons of his shirt working to open one and then the next. Edward opened the rest while I was working on the second. I ran my hands across the hard planes of Edward's chest, and he sucked in a sharp breath as my fingers found his nipples and teased and caressed them.

He pulled away and sat up to pull off his shirt and drop it on the floor. I sat up as well and took the opportunity to grasp the hem of my layered shirts and pull them off over my head. I dropped them onto the floor with Edward's shirt, and then reached behind my back to open the clasp on my bra.

Edward was kissing along my jawline and down the column of my neck. He gently eased the straps off of my shoulders and down my arms. He lifted the cups off of my breasts, and then pulled the scrap of satin and lace out from between us and let it drop to the floor.

His strong hands were cupping my shoulder blades as his lips kissed down to my collar bone and then down into the valley between my breasts. His cool lips were moving across my chest and wrapped around my nipple in a kiss as he gently sucked it into his mouth. He was pushing me back, easing me onto the mattress, but I pushed back.

"Wait, get these off first so we can get under the covers…" My fingers started to work on the belt on his jeans.

I got the belt buckle unfastened, and then I popped the button of his pants open. My fingers found the little brass tab of his fly, and I felt it moving down when Edwards hands slipped into the waist band of my jeans to pop the snap open. I was tugging the waist band of his jeans down, and he obligingly lifted his hips to allow me to pull both his jeans and boxer briefs down to his knees.

His hard cock sprang free and slapped against his stomach with a solid smack when I finally freed it from the confines of his clothing. My eyes were hooded with passion as I stared at his erection, mesmerized by its perfection as he kicked his pants free and they dropped onto the floor.

Edward turned to me and his fingers pulled down the zipper of my fly, and then he was pulling off my pants. I raised my hips to accommodate him, but it was really pointless as he pulled my jeans down to my knees and then slid back to pull them off my legs over my feet.

He moved back up the bed beside me, and then pulled the covers up over us as we were wrapped in the balmy cocoon of the sheets warmed by the electric blanket while the skin of his cold body was pressed along the length of my warmth. His body was cold and silky smooth as we touched coiling together pressing every inch of our flesh together from head to toe.

His hand moved between us cupping my breast, stroking my nipple, as his other circled my back pressing me to him, supporting his weight above me.

He trailed kisses along my jaw line and moved back to my lips. I greeted him willingly as he tenderly sucked my bottom lip between his for a second. Then my arms were snaking around his neck and my hands cradled his head as my fingers tangled back into his hair pulling him closer. Time seemed to stand still as we kissed and touched. Hands moving, bodies sliding against one another, caressing his face and shoulders, my neck, my collarbone, his hair, as our hands explored and his lips moved on mine. We moved together in rhythm as the passion hummed through our bodies and I lost myself in the sensations coursing through me.

His strong hands were on my breasts again, and then he was kissing down my neck. He nuzzled the hollow at the base of my throat and then kissed across my collar bone. His lips moved lower onto my chest and his cool tongue swirled around my nipple. His cool lips locked onto the hard pebble and gently sucked it into his mouth. The feeling was incredible and felt like it was hard wired to my core as the coil in the pit of my stomach wound tighter.

Edward's cool hand stroked down across my stomach and onto the triangle of my panties. I could feel his hand stroking me between my legs, and then Edward slid his hand under my ass and his cool fingers hooked into the elastic band of my panties. He pulled my underwear down off my bottom, and then pulled my panties down my legs and off over my feet.

He dropped them somewhere between the sheets next to me, and then Edward was moving between my legs, his strong hands hooked under my knees pushing them back, spreading my thighs. His cool hands moved onto me stroking and caressing me.

He kissed the inside of my thigh above my knee, and then trailed kisses down the inside of my thigh and onto my lower stomach as his hands stroked my smooth flesh ahead of his lips.

His strong cool hands were stroking through my pubic hair caressing between my legs. His hands moved onto my pussy, and I felt his cool nimble fingers trail along my lips and spread the folds apart. His finger trailed circles around my clitoris and I bucked involuntarily into him as a passionate moan burst from my lips.

My heart was racing and my breathing was hitched. The intensity of his delicate touch sent electric jolts down my spine and hot twinges ricocheting around my pelvis. I took in a sharp breath and tried to calm myself down as I felt his nose trailing back and forth across the top of my pelvic bone before slowly going further south into my pubic hair.

His cool probing fingers trailed back and forth spreading my slippery fluids around. My breath shuddered from between my lips and I laid my head back onto the pillows. My body was screaming for penetration and I fought to keep myself from bucking my hips up into his hand.

His fingers stroked back and forth inside my pussy slipping between my lower lips, wet and slippery with my arousal. His long nimble middle finger tip found my opening, and pressed deeper inside. I moaned as he pressed in to the first knuckle.

"God, Bella, you're so tight…" Edward moaned against my pelvis.

His fingertip slipped out caressing up from my opening, and stroked across my clit as it poked out of its hood. An electric jolt flashed through me as I reveled in the sensation of pure pleasure and carnal lust.

"Oh god… Edward, that's so good…" I panted.

"You like that…" His finger stroked circles around my throbbing clit. He caressed lower and his finger pressed into me again and then pulled out to slide back up to circle my clit.

"Yesss…" I moaned…

His fingers caressed down to my entrance, slowly teasing me before pressing his long sinuous middle finger inside. I felt myself shudder with pleasure, and I squealed as I let out a passionate cry.

I felt Edward quickly shift and lean into me between my splayed hips, and then suddenly I felt his tongue against me. I gasped at the cool wetness as it lapped flat against me from just above where his finger was penetrating me, and then up to the throbbing peak of my clit.

I heard and felt his smooth moan vibrate against my heated flesh. He circled his tongue around my clit, flicking and teasing the sensitive bundle of nerves as it poked out of its hood. He began lapping his tongue up and down between the folds, moving from where his finger pumped into me then back up to circle and tease my clit.

It was so tight as he pumped his finger into me and the sensation of fullness was incredible. It was amazing and fantastic and then he curled his finger upwards finding my sensitive spot at the same moment that his tongue pressed against and over my clit again.

My back arched and a yell of pure bliss rang out at the shocking, glorious pleasure that shot through me. I was sure people a block away could have heard my cry, but I didn't care as long as Edward kept touching me like that.

Edward pulled back startled at my howl of pleasure, "Are you alright, Bella?" Edward asked with concern in his voice.

I reached for his head and tangled my fingers into his hair pulling him back between my legs.

"God… don't stop now! That was incredible…"

My fingers tangled into his hair, and my legs locked onto Edward's ears as he found the prefect rhythm and just the right spot to drive me to ecstasy. He was like a machine as he exerted just the right gentle pressure and lapped at my most sensitive flesh.

"God, Edward… that's soooo good…" I panted as he pumped his finger into me again and again and pressed deeper into my sopping wet pussy. His finger stroked into me as his talented tongue lapped circles around and across my clit.

I was so close, and then my orgasm was crashing through me.

I bit my lower lip so I wouldn't scream. I wanted to yell but I turned my head away and shrieked into the pillow as I clenched tight around Edward's finger. He pushed it deep to stroke my sensitive spot buried deep inside me driving me over the edge. His tongue pressed gently against my clit as it throbbed and pulsed under his sensitive touch. I felt a flood of wetness, my toes curled into the sheet and my eyes rolled back in my head as I plunged over the edge into my orgasm…

I was panting hard and I forced myself to take deep breaths to try and calm down as the heavenly bliss spread through me. Edward pulled his finger out of me when my pulsing muscles released their grip on him, and then moved up the bed to cuddle me in his strong arms.

He gathered me into his arms and spooned behind me as he had on so many nights, cradling my warm body against his cold chest. I could feel his erect cock pressing against the crack of my ass, as his strong gentle hands caressed my hair, my shoulder, my arm, and he pressed gentle kisses into my hair as he hummed to me. It was blissful and I was in heaven. I could have easily dropped off to sleep, which was likely his goal, but I wasn't done with him yet this afternoon.

I turned in Edward's arms, and took his face in my hands, pressing my lips to his once again. His arms gathered me in, wrapping around me to hold me. He had to lean back on his shoulder, and his hands were tracing up and down the bare skin of my back. I shivered in pure ecstasy as his cool fingertips traced up and down my spine, and then lingered lower cupping my ass cheeks and dipping into the wetness between my legs.

I placed my hand on Edward's shoulder and pressed him down onto his back. I knew I had no chance of imposing my will upon him, but we had been down this road many times, and he knew my signals like he knew my body. I wouldn't have been able to move him if he refused, but he complied with my desire as he settled onto his back and I moved over his body and kissed his neck. I was all about fair play, and he knew I wanted to reciprocate.

He had balked early on when our physical relationship had begun to develop. He was concerned about the composition of his semen, and was worried that it would contain venom. I refused to simply accept his worries without hard evidence to either confirm his fears or prove that it was harmless. It had been fun collecting samples for testing. Edward's semen had proved venom free and as safe as human semen, perhaps safer because vampires couldn't have children.

My hands caressed the hard planes of his perfect chest, circling and teasing his nipples as I placed wet open mouthed kisses from his collarbone to the middle of his chest. I kissed first one hard nipple, and then the other as my hot inquisitive hands explored lower, tracing lightly across his hard flat stomach.

I was always intrigued and fascinated with the exquisite definition of the hard muscles of his perfect six-pack abs, but I forced myself to not linger, and my hands moved lower as I slid down the bed between Edward's legs.

He slightly raised his knees and spread his legs to make room for me as my hands wrapped around his hard erect cock. I was still amazed by Edward's hard cock. It seemed like such a contradiction, hard as steel but silky smooth and velvety soft. My hands looked tiny trying to wrap around his girth, my finger tips unable to touch my thumb as I stroked up and down the length. It intrigued and amazed me that his skin could be so hard and impenetrable, yet the skin on his penis slipped easily over his erect member as I pulled the foreskin back exposing the bulbous head of his cock.

Edward moaned as my hands stroked him, and then I leaned in and swirled my tongue around the head. He groaned in pleasure, and I saw his hands clench into hard fists beside him out of the corner of my eye. Edward's control had been building for months and months, and I was confident that I was safe, even if he still harbored doubts. I leaned down and took the head of his cock in my mouth, wrapping my lips around him.

My tongue swirled around his cock and a wave of exhilaration and excitement flashed through me. The thrill was incredible as I slid Edward's cock deeper into my mouth, and I groaned as I felt the coil in my stomach wind tighter as I started bobbing up and down on his erect shaft.

My lips wrapped around his cock, and I swirled my tongue around the head as I moved on him. Edward was moaning loudly with each downward bob of my head. My hand was wrapped around the base of his cock, squeezing and stroking his shaft in time with my oral attention.

"Oh my god... Jesus, Bella… You're sooo good..."

I hallowed out my cheeks, and increased the vacuum in my mouth, sucking harder. Edward moaned and his hips bucked involuntarily as I used my tongue on him flicking against the underside of his shaft and then circled it around the base of his head.

"So good… You're so hot… God this is incredible…"

Edward moaned loud, as he lost himself in the pleasure. My lips wrapped around him, and my head was bobbing up and down. My hands wrapped around the base of his shaft stroking him and milking his cock. His hands lightly stroked my hair as it slipped between his fingers.

"Bella, love... I... Oh god… So good… God, I love you... Bella!"

His eyes slipped closed, and his head was lolling back, thrashing from side to side on the pillows. His whole body was shaking with the pleasure I was giving him and I knew it was an effort for him to hold back and not thrust his hips up into my mouth and possibly injure me.

I felt Edward tense up, and I sensed his imminent release. I was usually adamant about allowing him to finish, and I generally took him in my mouth, greedily swallowing his cum, but I had a different plan in mind today.

His cock slipped from between my lips as I pulled off and released him, and he groaned at the loss of friction and warmth as my hands stroked up his thighs onto his stomach. I climbed up over Edwards body, straddling his hips, and then slid forward pressing his erect cock back flat against his stomach again as I arched my back above him.

I was grinding against him, and I could feel his hard cock slip between the folds of my pussy, spreading me open, sawing back and forth between my lips as I moved on him. My hands were on his chest as I stroked back and forth, grinding my clit against the underside of his cock.

Edward was moaning again at the renewed heat and friction, and I was so close to my prize…

I leaned forward, letting my hair drape around my head in a cascade, tickling Edward's nipples as I raised my hips off of him. I reached back with one hand, and grasped his hard cock, stroking the bulbous head through my folds, grinding the head against my clit, and then positioning him against my opening. I was so close to what I wanted… I started to ease my weight back against him, settling back. I could feel the pressure spreading my lips around him and the head of his cock was pressing against my hymen…

Suddenly Edward's hands were locked on my hips and I couldn't move, suspended in mid air above him as I strained against his immovable grasp as I struggled trying to press down onto him.

"Wait… Bella love, we've been through this… You know we can't go all the way."

"Why, Edward? Give me one reason why we can't be together like this now?"

Suddenly our positions were reversed, I was lying back against the mattress and Edward was above me. His weight was gently pressing my body firmly down into the sheets. His cock was no longer lodged against my opening, but I could feel it between my legs pressing against the inside of my thigh as his hips rested between my knees.

"You know my reasons… I don't want to argue with you." he whispered. His sweet breath fanned across my face.

"I want to hear your reasons. How can I present a valid argument if you won't explain why you feel we need to stop?" I asked, my breathing uneven as my heart raced.

"I could so easily hurt you if I lost control. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something were to happen…"

You're not going to hurt me. You have the control, you've proven that time and again. We've come so close so many times…"

"If I lost control, even for an instant… I would want to die–or whatever it is that we do."

"Do this for me, Edward. I know you want to. You want this too, but do it for me. Please?"

"I know that we have enjoyed many forbidden pleasures together that we shouldn't have… I have endeavored to cultivate a more modern attitude to accommodate your needs…"

"I have more needs Edward. I want this. I want you…"

"Still, there are things that I feel should be reserved to the marriage bed..."

"And I don't. This is the twenty-first century, not the nineteenth. We've had this discussion before. When you find a time machine and we travel back to your time, then we'll play by your rules. Until then, this is my century, and the rules have changed."

"You're still so young," his cool fingers caressed my cheek. "You have so much life ahead of you yet to live... In my time, I would have spoken to your father by now… I would have long since made you my wife."

"This isn't your time, and I don't need a piece of paper to know that you own me body and soul. I belong to you for as long as you want me. Make me a woman tonight, and we can talk about marriage some other time." Hopefully some time far in the future.

"This is truly what you want?"

"Today is my birthday and you're supposed to give me whatever I want. Give me yourself tonight… all of you… I need to feel you inside me. Please Edward…" I didn't want to beg, but I needed this so much…

Edward shifted subtly, and then his lips were pressed to mine again. His tongue pushed into my mouth and tangled with mine. My arms wrapped around his neck as my fingers tangled in his hair pulling him closer. My heart raced in my chest thumping frantically and it felt like the only thing keeping it from bursting from my chest was Edward's body pressing down against me.

He broke the kiss trailing open mouth kisses along my jawline to the hollow below my ear. I could feel his cool breath against my neck.

"Tell me if I hurt you, love, and I'll stop. Don't try and hold anything back just because you want this. I have to know so I can keep you safe…"

My heart thrilled with excitement, and I nodded, unable to speak. Edward was moving between my legs… His hand reached between us, and then the head of his cock was stroking between the lips of my pussy again. The head of his cock slipped down to my opening lodged between my folds. His cock head was straining against my hymen… it would never fit through the much smaller opening his finger had stretched through. There would be pain and some blood when it tore…

"You're sure, love? This is what you want?" he breathed. His sweet breath fanned across me as his face was suspended inches above mine. He was staring deeply into my eyes and it felt like he was staring into my soul.

"Take me Edward… I need you inside me! Do it now…" I moaned looking into his eyes as I spoke.

His hips rocked forward… there was a short sharp pain and I felt something tear. The head of his cock popped inside of me, pushing through the thin layer of membrane, and I felt him sink deeper inside. I was amazed at the intense sensation of fullness. He froze at my sudden sharp intake of breath as I gasped and I held him tight while I adjusted to the feeling of him pushing inside of me.

"Unhhh…Oh My Fucking God… Fuck fuck fuck…It's so big …" I panted. I needed him to stop right there and he stopped moving and held still while I adjusted to the feel of his cock inside me splitting me open.

The coil in my stomach started to wind tighter as I relaxed my death grip on his cock head and let myself adjust to Edward's cock pressing into me.

"Are you alright, love? We can stop…" he breathed. His sweet breath fanned across my face as he spoke, his face was touching mine as his lips moved against me.

"God, don't stop…! Give me a moment to adjust… It's so big …" I panted trying to calm myself inhaling his sweet breath. My knees were pressed tight against him, and I wrapped my legs around him pulling him into me.

Edward felt me relax, and I tried rocking my hips up against his, testing myself, driving him deeper. Then he raised his hips pulling back and thrust deeper into me when I didn't react like I was in pain anymore.

"God, Bella… You're so tight…" Edward moaned as his strong hands fisted into the sheet on either side of my torso.

I was panting hard, but I was adjusting to the feel of Edward's massive cock invading my most intimate opening. I moaned as he let his weight settle against me, slipping lower an inch at a time. More of his cock pushed inside of me as he thrust deeply into my core.

"Unhh… God…! You're so fucking big… Edward… Unhhh…" I panted.

I was moaning almost incoherently and panting hard as Edward pushed into me. His pubic bone hadn't reached bottom yet, but I could feel the head of his cock pressing against my cervix deep inside of me. He stopped again to let my body adjust to the feel of his cock.

"I love you… Bella…"

I nodded as I bit my bottom lip. My hands were gripping Edward's shoulders as I clung to his body above me. His hips eased upwards a little and rocked forward as he slid back into me. The sensations that flashed through my body made me shiver with pleasure and another groan escaped my lips.

"Unhh… Oh god! … Unhhh… Edward… Soooo good…" I panted, as he picked up the pace.

He started to move faster inside of me as he took me and thrust deep into me. Waves of pleasure shuddered through me with every movement as he lifted his hips and then pushed back into me.

"Oh my god… Edward fuck me…!" I moaned as he drove deep into my tight pussy.

I was more adjusted to having him inside me now and he thrust harder and deeper driving his invading cock into me. My bones felt like they were turning to jelly as waves of pleasure shuddered through my body. The coil in my stomach wound tighter as Edward pushed me closer and closer to my peak. I felt my chest pressed against Edward's as I lay panting under him.

"God, love… You are so hot… so tight… I love you so much..."

Edward's hands were fisted into the sheets as his body pressed onto mine, but he didn't crush me down as he supported his weight on his elbows. He rocked forward again driving in deep. I could feel every ripple and vein on his cock as it slid so very deep into me.

"Unhhh… God…! Unhh… fuck…" I moaned.

He was rhythmically pounding into me, driving his massive cock deep into my core with every stroke… Sliding it almost all the way out and then driving forward again and again. He hit bottom with every stroke and I could feel his pubic bone grinding hard against my clit with every stroke, driving me closer and closer to the edge.

"Oh god… Edward Harder! God… Fuck me… Fuck me harder!" I groaned as I panted against him.

He moved faster lifting his hips as he slid out then thrusting deep into me harder and faster again and again, thrusting deep into my hot slick wetness.

"Fuck… Unhhh… fuck… Edward… Unhhh…fuck…"

I was panting hard I was so close as the coil in my stomach wound tighter spiraling higher and faster towards my peak. I seized him with my legs and our bodies moved together, rocking my hips to meet his thrusts. we crashed together as our bodies moved to the pulse of my racing heart.

He cupped his hands behind my shoulders as he pressed his body against mine and hammered into me, thrusting hard and fast. My legs coiled around him and my hands gripped his arms as I pulled his body closer to me.

"Unhhh…Oh God… Fuck… God, I'm so close…" I groaned.

I was on the edge of the precipice and I was moaning his name, "Edward… God I'm almost there! I'm going to… I'm going to cum… Edward, I love you!" He thrust hard and fast once, twice, again, and then suddenly I reached my peak.

My core clenched hard around his massive cock buried deep inside me. I squeezed him with my legs as every muscle in my body contracted. I felt a flood of wetness, my toes curled tight and my eyes rolled back in my head as my hands frantically gripped Edward's body closer. I plunged over the edge as I came undone around him and my orgasm crashed through my body.

"Uhnn… God… Bella! I'm so close… I'm almost there…" Edward panted against my neck as he drove deep into my pussy, plunging to the hilt hard and fast!

Edward's orgasm was building towards his own climax as he thrust urgently into my core, and as I reached my peak, I pulled him over the edge with me.

I felt Edward's body stiffen, and he thrust into me hard one more time and stopped buried to the hilt in my hot pulsing core. Edward grunted as the orgasm pulsed through him. I felt his cool liquid flood into my center and fill me as I lay panting beneath him with my legs still wrapped tightly around him. He held himself still, buried to the hilt as my clit throbbed and pulsed against his hard shaft.

I was trying to take deep breaths as awareness returned and the heavenly bliss spread through me. I just needed to hold him and we lay like that for a couple of minutes as I enjoyed the feel of our bodies joined together like one being.

Finally I let my legs settle back on to the bed as I released him. Edward kissed me deeply one last time, and then pulled back and let his softening cock slip out of me.

"Welcome back, love," Edward whispered in my ear.

Edward rolled off of me to my side, and gathered me into his arms to cuddle me close. His hands stroked up and down my spine and caressed my back as he held me and pressed gentle kisses into my hair. We held each other like that for a long time, just basking in the post coital bliss, gently touching, caressing and kissing.

"I love you so much, Edward." I said when we were able to speak again. "I know this was hard for you to give up this final change and truly step into the twenty-first century."

"I love you, Bella, completely with all of my being for all eternity. Nothing will ever change that. I'll always do what is best for you."

"I love you, Edward, more than you can possibly imagine."

"I can imagine a lot."

"Well that much and more."

"We should probably be getting up to clean up. Your father will be returning home soon."

I stiffened. I might be eighteen and considered an adult now, but that didn't mean I wanted to get caught with Edward in my bed if Charlie came walking into the house. This might be a modern world, but Charlie had a gun, and fathers were still protective of their daughters.

"Did you hear something? Is he coming? How much time do we have?"

"Relax, he isn't coming yet, as far as I know. But I thought you might want to get in the shower before you change to go to my house for the evening."

"Right, the shower… You're still going to make me go through with this tonight, aren't you?"

"It won't be so bad, love. Besides, if I don't bring you, Alice will show up here and drag you over to my house kicking and screaming. I thought you'd prefer a little more dignity."

"I suppose if it's unavoidable, I can make an appearance. At least I have something to be happy about that's worthy of celebration tonight."

"There always was something worth celebrating, love. This date should be praised and ring from every mountaintop to celebrate the occasion of your birth."

"It wouldn't bother me so much if there was less aging involved with the celebration."

"Unfortunately that is an unavoidable consequence of being human, love"

"It's not unavoidable, because I don't have to be human!"

"There are still so many human experiences you should be able to live for. I have been selfish enough for one evening. Let's discuss this some other night, please?"

"So long as you understand that it will be a topic of discussion, I'll leave it for this evening. Will you join me in the shower?"

"That's not advisable, love. Go take your shower and I'll clean up the room."

"What about you? Don't you need to wash too?"

"I do, but we would most certainly be late and would have to endure the wrath of your father. Trust me, love, I am only so strong."

"Fine." I got out of bed, but a smug grin turned up the corners of my mouth.

I collected my toiletries, a pair of clean panties and a robe and went down the hall to the bathroom to shower. I looked in the mirror and the same girl I had been this morning stared back at me. I might look the same, but I felt subtly different. I had crossed a line tonight, and my world had changed, but whether for good or bad, I didn't yet know. I had taken our relationship to the next level, and I was a woman now.

Edward had finally given in, and I had successfully shattered the final barrier in our physical relationship. Now I just had to get him to agree to change me, and we could be together for eternity.

I showered and brushed my teeth. My body was pleasantly sore in a good way, like I had been doing heavy exercise and had exerted muscles I didn't normally use. I suppose I had. There was some blood when I got into the shower and washed. that was normal from what I had read, and was an expected consequence of what we'd done this afternoon.

There was still some light bleeding when I got out of the shower, but it was lighter than my period. I put a panty liner in my underwear when I put them on. Normally I'd use a tampon on my period, but I was still a little sore, and didn't want to irritate anything down there while it healed. It might be a problem if it got worse, but it honestly wasn't that bad, and I didn't worry about it.

Edward had the room in order when I returned to get dressed, and excused himself to go down the hall to shower before he got dressed. We were back downstairs on the couch watching the movie long before we expected Charlie to arrive. I was fast forwarding through the film, stopping to view some of my favorite scenes.

"I don't really see what you have against Romeo. Sure, he screwed up, but he was such a romantic."

He was about to argue, but then he let it go. "Moot point," he reminded me. Abruptly, he pulled himself up into a more formal posture, shifting me to the side so that we were no longer touching.

"Charlie?" I guessed.

Edward smiled. After a moment, I heard the sound of the police cruiser pulling into the driveway. I reached out and took his hand firmly. My dad could deal with that much.

Charlie came in with a pizza box in his hands.

"Hey, kids." He grinned at me. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"

"Sure. Thanks, Dad."

Charlie didn't comment on Edward's apparent lack of appetite. He was used to Edward passing on dinner.

"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" Edward asked when Charlie and I were done.

I looked at Charlie hopefully. Maybe he had some concept of birthdays as stay-at-home, family affairs–this was my first birthday with him, the first birthday since my mom, Renée, had remarried and gone to live in Florida, so I didn't know what he would expect.

"That's fine–the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight," Charlie explained, and my hope disappeared. "So I won't be any kind of company… Here." He scooped up the digital camera he'd gotten me on Renée's suggestion (because I would need pictures to fill up my scrap-book), and threw it to me.

He ought to know better than that–I'd always been coordinationally challenged.

The digital camera glanced off the tip of my finger, and tumbled toward the floor. Edward snagged it before it could crash onto the linoleum.

"Nice save," Charlie noted. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets–she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."

"Good idea, Charlie," Edward said, handing me the digital camera.

I turned the digital camera on Edward, and snapped the first picture. "It works."

"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." Charlie's mouth pulled down at one corner.

"It's been three days, Dad," I reminded him. Charlie was crazy about Alice. He'd become attached last spring when she'd helped me through my awkward convalescence; Charlie would be forever grateful to her for saving him from the horror of an almost-adult daughter who needed help showering. "I'll tell her."

"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." It was clearly a dismissal. Charlie was already edging toward the living room and the TV.

Edward smiled, triumphant, and took my hand to pull me from the kitchen.

When we got to the truck, he opened the passenger door for me again, and this time I didn't argue. I still had a hard time finding the obscure turnoff to his house in the dark.

Edward drove north through Forks, visibly chafing at the speed limit enforced by my prehistoric Chevy. The engine groaned even louder than usual as he pushed it over fifty.

"Take it easy," I warned him.

"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…"

"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime," he said virtuously.

"Good."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"That depends on what it is."

He sighed, his lovely face serious. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

It always startled me a little when he brought up things like that. "Fine, I'll behave."

"I probably should warn you…"

"Please do."

"When I say they're all excited… I do mean all of them."

"Everyone?" I choked. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."

The rest of Forks was under the impression that the older Cullens had gone off to college this year, to Dartmouth, but I knew better.

"Emmett wanted to be here."

"But… Rosalie?"

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."

I didn't answer. Like I could just not worry, that easy. Unlike Alice, Edward's other "adopted" sister, the golden blond and exquisite Rosalie didn't like me much. Actually, the feeling was a little bit stronger than just dislike. As far as Rosalie was concerned, I was an unwelcome intruder into her family's secret life.

I felt horribly guilty about the present situation, guessing that Rosalie and Emmett's prolonged absence was my fault, even as I furtively enjoyed not having to see her. Emmett, Edward's playful bear of a brother, I did miss.

He was in many ways just like the big brother I'd always wanted… only much, much more terrifying.

Edward decided to change the subject. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday? Besides stealing your virtue, of course."

The words came out in a whisper. "You know what I want."

A deep frown carved creases into his marble forehead. He obviously wished he'd stuck to the subject of Rosalie.

It felt like we'd had this argument a lot today.

"Not tonight, Bella. You promised. Please."

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."

Edward growled–a deep, menacing sound. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," he vowed.

"That's not fair!"

I thought I heard his teeth clench together.

We were pulling up to the house now. Bright light shined from every window on the first two floors. A long line of glowing Japanese lanterns hung from the porch eaves, reflecting a soft radiance on the huge cedars that surrounded the house. Big bowls of flowers–pink roses–lined the wide stairs up to the front doors.

I moaned.

Edward took a few deep breaths to calm himself. "This is a party," he reminded me. "Try to be a good sport."

"Sure," I muttered.

He came around to get my door, and offered me his hand.

"I have a question."

He waited warily.

"If I download these pictures," I said, toying with the digital camera in my hands, "will you show up in the picture?"

Edward started laughing. He helped me out of the car, pulled me up the stairs, and was still laughing as he opened the door for me.

They were all waiting in the huge white living room; when I walked through the door, they greeted me with a loud chorus of "Happy birthday, Bella!" while I blushed and looked down.

Alice, I assumed, had covered every flat surface with pink candles and dozens of crystal bowls filled with hundreds of roses. There was a table with a white cloth draped over it next to Edward's grand piano, holding a pink birthday cake, more roses, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver-wrapped presents.

It was a hundred times worse than I'd imagined.

Edward, sensing my distress, wrapped an encouraging arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head.

Edward's parents, Carlisle and Esme–impossibly youthful and lovely as ever–were the closest to the door. Esme hugged me carefully, her soft, caramel-colored hair brushing against my cheek as she kissed my forehead, and then Carlisle put his arm around my shoulders.

"Sorry about this, Bella," he stage-whispered. "We couldn't rein Alice in."

Rosalie and Emmett stood behind them. Rosalie didn't smile, but at least she didn't glare.

Emmett's face was stretched into a huge grin. It had been months since I'd seen them; I'd forgotten how gloriously beautiful Rosalie was–it almost hurt to look at her.

And had Emmett always been so… big?

"You haven't changed at all," Emmett said with mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot, Emmett," I said, blushing deeper.

He laughed, "I have to step out for a second"–he paused to wink conspicuously at Alice–"Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I'll try."

Alice let go of Jasper's hand and skipped forward, all her teeth sparkling in the bright light.

Jasper smiled, too, but kept his distance. He leaned, long and blond, against the post at the foot of the stairs. During the days we'd had to spend cooped up together in Phoenix, I'd thought he'd gotten over his aversion to me. But he'd gone back to exactly how he'd acted before–avoiding me as much as possible–the moment he was free from that temporary obligation to protect me.

I knew it wasn't personal, just a precaution, and I tried not to be overly sensitive about it. Jasper had more trouble sticking to the Cullens' diet than the rest of them; the scent of human blood was much harder for him to resist than the others–he hadn't been trying as long.

Tonight, his expression seemed even more strained than usual, and I wondered what was causing his discomfort. I thought back to the bleeding I'd noticed when I got out of my shower.

Edward had long since explained that menstrual blood held little attraction to vampires, or it would be impossible for them to enter the high school with all those hormonal teenaged girls around. The pad I'd placed in my panties wasn't because of my period, though.

I'd been bleeding because of what we'd done in bed this afternoon, and I'd wanted to protect my clothes and catch the trickle of fresh blood until it healed naturally. I realized now that my scent must be affecting Jasper many times more than normal if the bleeding had continued and soaked into the pad, pushing him closer to the edge.

Jasper looked like he was teetering on the razors edge, hanging on to his cool and composure by the barest tips of his fingernails. I wondered if he could hold it together until I could make an excuse to visit the powder room and change the pad. It wouldn't take a lot to push him over the edge.

"Time to open presents," Alice declared. She put her cool hand under my elbow and towed me to the table with the cake and the shiny packages.

I put on my best martyr face. "Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything–"

"But I didn't listen," she interrupted, smug.

"Open it." She took the digital camera from my hands and replaced it with a big, square silver box.

The box was so light that it felt empty. The tag on top said that it was from Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. Self-consciously, I tore the paper off and then stared at the box it concealed.

It was something electrical, with lots of numbers in the name. I opened the box, hoping for further illumination. But the box was empty.

"Um… thanks."

Rosalie actually cracked a smile. Jasper gave a strained laugh. "It's a stereo for your truck," he explained.

"Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

Alice was always one step ahead of me. "Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," I told them, grinning as I remembered Edward's complaints about my radio this afternoon–all a setup, apparently.

"Thanks, Emmett!" I called more loudly.

I heard his booming laugh from my truck, and I couldn't help laughing, too.

"Open mine and Edward's next,"

Alice said, so excited her voice was a high-pitched trill. She held a small, flat square in her hand.

I turned to give Edward a basilisk glare. "You promised."

Before he could answer, Emmett bounded through the door. "Just in time!" he crowed. He pushed in behind Jasper, who had also drifted closer than usual to get a good look.

"I didn't spend a dime," Edward assured me.

He brushed a strand of hair from my face, leaving my skin tingling from his touch.

I inhaled deeply and turned to Alice. "Give it to me," I sighed.

I really needed to make an excuse to get away for a minute and check, but it would be a huge faux pas to interrupt opening my presents to excuse myself to the ladies room. There weren't very many, and it shouldn't take too long.

I took the little package, rolling my eyes at Edward while I stuck my finger under the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape.

"Shoot," I muttered when the paper sliced my finger; I pulled it out to examine the damage.

A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut.

It all happened very quickly then.

"No!" Edward roared.

He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell, as I did, scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattered crystal.

Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide.

There was another noise, a grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in Jasper's chest. Jasper tried to shove past Edward, snapping his teeth just inches from Edward's face.

Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel grip, but Jasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me.

Beyond the shock, there was also pain. I'd tumbled down to the floor by the piano, with my arms thrown out instinctively to catch my fall, into the jagged shards of glass. Only now did I feel the searing, stinging pain that ran from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow.

Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm–into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.

**Author's Note:**

The next chapter should be up shortly. As I said before, this is my spin on the events of the first couple of chapters of New Moon. It's setting things up for where this story will diverge from the original version.

If you liked this, please review and let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2 The End

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **BPOV (Bella), Bella starts the story. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

Significant portions of the first two chapters of this story are ported directly from New Moon, but have been heavily edited to put my spin on them to set up the rest of the story that continues in the future chapters.

It didn't really work to just say that "this story starts after chapter two" because important details in the previous chapters are similar but different in my version.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 2 The End

Carlisle was not the only one who stayed calm. Centuries of experience in the emergency room were evident in his quiet, authoritative voice.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

Unsmiling for once, Emmett nodded. "Come on, Jasper."

Jasper struggled against Emmett's unbreakable grasp, twisting around, reaching toward his brother with his bared teeth, his eyes still past reason.

Edward's face was whiter than bone as he wheeled to crouch over me, taking a clearly defensive position. A low warning growl slid from between his clenched teeth. I could tell that he wasn't breathing.

Rosalie, her divine face strangely smug, stepped in front of Jasper–keeping a careful distance from his teeth–and helped Emmett wrestle him through the glass door that Esme held open, one hand pressed over her mouth and nose.

Esme's heart-shaped face was ashamed. "I'm so sorry, Bella," she cried as she followed the others into the yard.

"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle murmured.

A second passed, and then Edward nodded slowly and relaxed his stance.

Carlisle knelt beside me, leaning close to examine my arm. I could feel the shock frozen on my face, and I tried to compose it.

"Here, Carlisle," Alice said, handing him a towel.

He shook his head. "Too much glass in the wound."

He reached over and ripped a long, thin scrap from the bottom of the white tablecloth. He twisted it around my arm above the elbow to form a tourniquet. The smell of the blood was making me dizzy. My ears rang.

"Let's take her to the kitchen table," Carlisle said to Edward.

Edward lifted me effortlessly, while Carlisle kept the pressure steady on my arm.

"I'll get your bag," Alice said.

"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm fine." My voice was reasonably steady, which pleased me.

Edward's face was like stone.

Alice was there. Carlisle's black bag was already on the table, a small but brilliant desk light plugged into the wall. Edward sat me gently into a chair, and Carlisle pulled up another. He went to work at once.

Edward stood over me, still protective, still not breathing.

"I can handle it," he insisted. But his jaw was rigid; his eyes burned with the intensity of the thirst he fought, so much worse for him than it was for the others.

"You don't need to be a hero," I said. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air."

I winced as Carlisle did something to my arm that stung.

"I'll stay," he said.

"Why are you so masochistic?" I mumbled.

Carlisle decided to intercede. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."

"Yes," I eagerly agreed. "Go find Jasper."

"You might as well do something useful," Alice added.

Edward's eyes narrowed as we ganged up on him, but, finally, he nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door. I was sure he hadn't taken a breath since I'd sliced my finger.

A numb, dead feeling was spreading through my arm. Though it erased the sting, it reminded me of the gash, and I watched Carlisle's face carefully to distract me from what his hands were doing. His hair gleamed gold in the bright light as he bent over my arm. I could feel the faint stirrings of unease in the pit of my stomach, but I was determined not to let my usual squeamishness get the best of me. There was no pain now, just a gentle tugging sensation that I tried to ignore. No reason to get sick like a baby.

If she hadn't been in my line of sight, I wouldn't have noticed Alice give up and steal out of the room. With a tiny, apologetic smile on her lips, she disappeared through the kitchen doorway.

"Well, that's everyone," I sighed. "I can clear a room, at least."

"It's not your fault," Carlisle comforted me with a chuckle. "It could happen to anyone."

"Could" I repeated. "But it usually just happens to me."

He laughed again.

His relaxed calm was only more amazing set in direct contrast with everyone else's reaction. I couldn't find any trace of anxiety in his face. He worked with quick, sure movements. The only sound besides our quiet breathing was the soft plink, plink as the tiny fragments of glass dropped one by one to the table.

"How can you do this?" I demanded. "Even Alice and Esme…" I trailed off, shaking my head in wonder. Though the rest of them had given up the traditional diet of vampires just as absolutely as Carlisle had, he was the only one who could bear the smell of my blood without suffering from the intense temptation. Clearly, this was much more difficult than he made it seem.

"Years and years of practice," he told me. "I barely notice the scent anymore."

"Do you think it would be harder if you took a vacation from the hospital for a long time, and weren't around any blood?"

"Maybe." He shrugged his shoulders, but his hands remained steady. "I've never felt the need for an extended holiday." He flashed a brilliant smile in my direction. "I enjoy my work too much."

Plink, plink, plink. I was surprised at how much glass there seemed to be in my arm. I was tempted to glance at the growing pile, just to check the size, but I knew that idea would not be helpful to my no-vomiting strategy.

"What is it that you enjoy?" I wondered. It didn't make sense to me – the years of struggle and self-denial he must have spent to get to the point where he could endure this so easily.

Besides, I wanted to keep him talking; the conversation kept my mind off the queasy feeling in my stomach.

His dark eyes were calm and thoughtful as he answered. "Hmm. What I enjoy the very most is when my… enhanced abilities let me save someone who would otherwise have been lost. Its pleasant knowing that, thanks to what I can do, some people's lives are better because I exist. Even the sense of smell is a useful diagnostic tool at times." One side of his mouth pulled up in half a smile.

I mulled that over while he poked around, making sure all the glass splinters were gone.

Then he rummaged in his bag for new tools, and I tried not to picture a needle and thread.

My eyes got big with surprise when he removed a large metallic syringe from his bag and laid it on the table while he rummaged for additional equipment.

"You're not going to stick me with that, are you?" I asked as I eyed what was apparently a long sharp needle covered with a metal sheath.

"With this? No, Edward would not be very pleased with me at all if I were to do that."

He removed an oversized Q-tip swab from the bag, and then proceeded to unscrew and remove the metal sheath from the long sharp needle.

"What is that in the syringe then?" I asked as I watched him work. He took the syringe and squirted a small amount onto the Q-tip moistening it.

"This?" he asked gesturing with the Q-tip towards the syringe. "This is vampire venom. It has many miraculous medicinal properties when used in small amounts. It is even more miraculous in larger quantities, but has some rather drastic side effects."

"Venom? Like the venom that causes the change?"

"That's right. Alice mentioned that she had explained the mechanics of the change to you. I've been experimenting with it for many years now." Carlisle started to paint the edges of my wound with the Q-tip.

"Is that safe?" I asked as I felt a tingling sensation in my arm.

"Perfectly safe in the tiny amounts I'm using here. This will seal the cut and promote accelerated healing. If I had sutured this wound you'd have had stitches for days, and a nasty throbbing wound. It would have been very painful for weeks. This should be perfectly healed by morning if I use the venom to treat the gash. You may experience a burning sensation in your arm, and it will probably cause a headache, but those side effects are temporary."

"Do you keep a lot of venom on hand like this?"

"Enough for my research. The opportunities to experiment with it are infrequent, without arousing the suspicion of my colleagues."

"Enough to change someone?"

"Easily, yes, but I'm not going to provide you with access to my medical supplies to act against Edward's wishes."

"Of course not… I'd never take it upon myself to act so desperately." I told him, but the idea was in the back of my mind, and I knew it was a possibility now.

"You try very hard to make up for something that was never your fault," I suggested while he continued to treat my wound, tugging at the edges of my skin to reposition and seal it.

"What I mean is, it's not like you asked for this. You didn't choose this kind of life, and yet you have to work so hard to be good."

"I don't know that I'm making up for anything," he disagreed lightly. "Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given."

"That makes it sound too easy."

He examined my arm again. "There," he said, Smiling at his handiwork. "All done." He wiped the oversized Q-tip thoroughly across the operation site. The smell was strange; it made my head spin. The venom stained my skin a pale yellow.

"In the beginning, though," I pressed while he taped another long piece of gauze securely in place, sealing it to my skin. "Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?"

"You should be able to remove this dressing in the morning. It's really just a precaution. The wound has already started to heal." He cautioned me as he applied a final piece of tape.

His lips turned up in a private smile. "Hasn't Edward told you this story?"

"Yes. But I'm trying to understand what you were thinking…"

His face was suddenly serious again, and I wondered if his thoughts had gone to the same place that mine had. Wondering what I would be thinking when–I refused to think if–it was me.

"You know my father was a clergyman," he mused as he cleaned the table carefully, rubbing everything down with wet gauze, and then doing it again. The smell of alcohol burned in my nose. "He had a rather harsh view of the world, which I was already beginning to question before the time that I was changed." Carlisle put all the dirty gauze and the glass slivers into an empty crystal bowl. I didn't understand what he was doing, even when he lit the match. Then he threw it onto the alcohol-soaked fibers, and the sudden blaze made me jump.

"Sorry," he apologized. "That ought to do it… So I didn't agree with my father's particular brand of faith. But never, in the nearly four hundred years now since I was born, have I ever seen anything to make me doubt whether God exists in some form or the other. Not even the reflection in the mirror."

I pretended to examine the dressing on my arm to hide my surprise at the direction our conversation had taken. Religion was the last thing I expected, all things considered. My own life was fairly devoid of belief. Charlie considered himself a Lutheran, because that's what his parents had been, but Sundays he worshipped by the river with a fishing pole in his hand. Renée tried out a church now and then, but, much like her brief affairs with tennis, pottery, yoga, and French classes, she moved on by the time I was aware of her newest fad.

"I'm sure all this sounds a little bizarre, coming from a vampire." He grinned, knowing how their casual use of that word never failed to shock me. "But I'm hoping that there is still a point to this life, even for us. It's a long shot, I'll admit," he continued in an offhand voice. "By all accounts, we're damned regardless. But I hope, maybe foolishly, that we'll get some measure of credit for trying."

"I don't think that's foolish," I mumbled.

I couldn't imagine anyone, deity included, who wouldn't be impressed by Carlisle. Besides, the only kind of heaven I could appreciate would have to include Edward.

"And I don't think anyone else would, either."

"Actually, you're the very first one to agree with me."

"The rest of them don't feel the same?" I asked, surprised, thinking of only one person in particular.

Carlisle guessed the direction of my thoughts again. "Edward's with me up to a point. God and heaven exist… and so does hell. But he doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind."

Carlisle's voice was very soft; he stared out the big window over the sink, into the darkness.

"You see, he thinks we've lost our souls."

I immediately thought of Edward's words this afternoon: I would want to die–or whatever it is that we do. The light bulb flicked on over my head.

"That's the real problem, isn't it?" I guessed. "That's why he's being so difficult about me."

Carlisle spoke slowly. "I look at my… son. His strength, his goodness, the brightness that shines out of him–and it only fuels that hope, that faith, more than ever. How could there not be more for one such as Edward?"

I nodded in fervent agreement.

"But if I believed as he does…" He looked down at me with unfathomable eyes. "If you believed as he did. Could you take away his soul?"

The way he phrased the question thwarted my answer.

If he'd asked me whether I would risk my soul for Edward, the reply would be obvious. But would I risk Edward's soul? I pursed my lips unhappily. That wasn't a fair exchange.

"You see the problem."

I shook my head, aware of the stubborn set of my chin.

Carlisle sighed.

"It's my choice," I insisted.

"It's his, too." He held up his hand when he could see that I was about to argue. "Whether he is responsible for doing that to you."

"He's not the only one able to do it." I eyed Carlisle speculatively. I knew now that I didn't even need to risk asking him to bite me. Simply allow me access to his research cache of stored venom, and I could take matters into my own hands, so to speak.

He laughed, abruptly lightening the mood. "Oh, no! You're going to have to work this out with him." But then he sighed. "That's the one part I can never be sure of. I think, in most other ways, that I've done the best I could with what I had to work with. But was it right to doom the others to this life? I can't decide."

I didn't answer. I imagined what my life would be like if Carlisle had resisted the temptation to change his lonely existence… and shuddered.

"It was Edward's mother who made up my mind." Carlisle's voice was almost a whisper. He stared unseeingly out the black windows.

"His mother?" Whenever I'd asked Edward about his parents, he would merely say that they had died long ago, and his memories were vague. I realized Carlisle's memory of them, despite the brevity of their contact, would be perfectly clear.

"Yes. Her name was Elizabeth. Elizabeth Masen. His father, Edward Senior, never regained consciousness in the hospital. He died in the first wave of the influenza. But Elizabeth was alert until almost the very end. Edward looks a great deal like her–she had that same strange bronze shade to her hair, and her eyes were exactly the same color green."

"His eyes were green?" I murmured, trying to picture it.

"Yes…" Carlisle's ocher eyes were a hundred years away now.

"Elizabeth worried obsessively over her son. She hurt her own chances of survival trying to nurse him from her sickbed. I expected that he would go first, he was so much worse off than she was. When the end came for her, it was very quick. It was just after sunset, and I'd arrived to relieve the doctors who'd been working all day. That was a hard time to pretend–there was so much work to be done, and I had no need of rest. How I hated to go back to my house, to hide in the dark and pretend to sleep while so many were dying.

"I went to check Elizabeth and her son first. I'd grown attached–always a dangerous thing to do considering the fragile nature of humans. I could see at once that she'd taken a bad turn. The fever was raging out of control, and her body was too weak to fight anymore.

"She didn't look weak, though, when she glared up at me from her cot.

"Save him!' she commanded me in the hoarse voice that was all her throat could manage.

"I'll do everything in my power,' I promised her, taking her hand. The fever was so high, she probably couldn't even tell how unnaturally cold mine felt. Everything felt cold to her skin.

"You must," she insisted, clutching at my hand with enough strength that I wondered if she wouldn't pull through the crisis after all. Her eyes were hard, like stones, like emeralds. 'You must do everything in your power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward."

"It frightened me. She looked at me with those piercing eyes, and, for one instant, I felt certain that she knew my secret. Then the fever overwhelmed her, and she never regained consciousness. She died within an hour of making her demand.

"I'd spent decades considering the idea of creating a companion for myself. Just one other creature who could really know me, rather than what I pretended to be. But I could never justify it to myself–doing what had been done to me.

"There Edward lay, dying. It was clear that he had only hours left. Beside him, his mother, her face somehow not yet peaceful, not even in death."

Carlisle saw it all again, his memory unblurred by the intervening century. I could see it clearly, too, as he spoke–the despair of the hospital, the overwhelming atmosphere of death.

Edward burning with fever, his life slipping away with each tick of the clock… I shuddered again, and forced the picture from my mind.

"Elizabeth's words echoed in my head. How could she guess what I could do? Could anyone really want that for her son?"

"I looked at Edward. Sick as he was, he was still beautiful. There was something pure and good about his face. The kind of face I would have wanted my son to have.

"After all those years of indecision, I simply acted on a whim. I wheeled his mother to the morgue first, and then I came back for him. No one noticed that he was still breathing. There weren't enough hands, enough eyes, to keep track of half of what the patients needed. The morgue was empty–of the living, at least. I stole him out the back door, and carried him across the rooftops back to my home.

"I wasn't sure what had to be done. I settled for recreating the wounds I'd received myself, so many centuries earlier in London. I felt bad about that later. It was more painful and lingering than necessary.

"I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward." He shook his head, coming back to the present. He smiled at me. "I suppose I should take you home now."

"I'll do that," Edward said. He came through the shadowy dining room, walking slowly for him. His face was smooth, unreadable, but there was something wrong with his eyes–something he was trying very hard to hide. I felt a spasm of unease in my stomach.

"Carlisle can take me," I said. I looked down at my shirt; the light blue cotton was soaked and spotted with my blood. My right shoulder was covered in thick pink frosting.

"I'm fine." Edward's voice was unemotional. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." He strode out the kitchen door again.

I looked at Carlisle anxiously. "He's very upset."

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are."

"It's not his fault."

"It's not yours, either."

I looked away from his wise, beautiful eyes. I couldn't agree with that.

Carlisle offered me his hand and helped me up from the table. I followed him out into the main room. Esme had come back; she was mopping the floor where I'd fallen–with straight bleach from the smell of it.

"Esme, let me do that." I could feel that my face was bright red again.

"I'm already done." She smiled up at me. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," I assured her. "Carlisle works faster than any other doctor I've had."

They both chuckled.

Alice and Edward came in the back doors. Alice hurried to my side, but Edward hung back, his face indecipherable.

"C'mon," Alice said. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear."

She found me a shirt of Esme's that was close to the same color mine had been. Charlie wouldn't notice, I was sure. The long white bandage on my arm didn't look nearly as serious when I was no longer spattered in gore. Charlie was never surprised to see me bandaged.

"Alice," I whispered as she headed back to the door.

"Yes?" She kept her voice low, too, and looked at me curiously, her head cocked to the side.

"How bad is it?" I couldn't be sure if my whispering was a wasted effort. Even though we were upstairs, with the door closed, perhaps he could hear me.

Her face tensed. "I'm not sure yet."

"How's Jasper?"

I felt terrible about having put him through all of this. It was already hard enough for Jasper to be around me, and then I had compounded the issue by arriving smelling like fresh blood tonight.

I should have told Edward, and begged off with an excuse, but he would have been beside himself with self loathing and remorse if I'd mentioned any discomfort or ill effects resulting from our lovemaking this afternoon. A little blood was normal and natural and would heal on its own. I simply hadn't considered the ramifications of walking into a house full of vampires in that condition.

She sighed. "He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of a challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak."

"It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?"

"Of course."

Edward was waiting for me by the front door. As I got to the bottom of the staircase, he held it open without a word.

"Take your things!" Alice cried as I walked warily toward Edward. She scooped up the two packages, one half-opened, and my digital camera from under the piano, and pressed them into my good arm. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

Esme and Carlisle both said a quiet goodnight. I could see them stealing quick glances at their impassive son, much like I was.

It was a relief to be outside; I hurried past the lanterns and the roses, now unwelcome reminders. Edward kept pace with me silently. He opened the passenger side for me, and I climbed in without complaint.

On the dashboard was a big red ribbon, stuck to the new stereo. I pulled it off, throwing it to the floor. As Edward slid into the other side, I kicked the ribbon under my seat.

He didn't look at me or the stereo. Neither of us switched it on, and the silence was somehow intensified by the sudden thunder of the engine. He drove too fast down the dark, serpentine lane.

The silence was making me insane.

"Say something," I finally begged as he turned onto the freeway.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked in a detached voice.

I cringed at his remoteness. "Tell me you forgive me."

That brought a flicker of life to his face–a flicker of anger. "Forgive you? For what?"

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut–that hardly deserves the death penalty."

"It's still my fault. You didn't notice any change in my scent? From this afternoon?"

My words opened up the floodgate.

"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own–without someone throwing you into them–even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up–and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. And yes, I noticed the change in your scent, but that should hardly matter. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" I demanded.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," he growled.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," I protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

"Don't be melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous."

He didn't answer. He glared through the windshield, his expression black.

I racked my brain for some way to salvage the evening. When we pulled up in front of my house, I still hadn't come up with anything.

He killed the engine, but his hands stayed clenched around the steering wheel.

"Will you stay tonight?" I asked.

"I should go home."

The last thing I wanted was for him to go wallow in remorse.

"For my birthday," I pressed.

"You can't have it both ways–either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."

His voice was stern, but not as serious as before. I breathed a silent sigh of relief.

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs."

I hopped out, reaching back in for my packages. He frowned.

"You don't have to take those."

"I want them," I responded automatically, and then wondered if he was using reverse psychology.

"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live." I tucked the presents awkwardly under my good arm and slammed the door behind me. He was out of the truck and by my side in less than a second.

"Let me carry them, at least." he said as he took them away. "I'll be in your room."

I smiled. "Thanks."

"Happy birthday," he sighed, and leaned down to touch his lips to mine.

I reached up on my toes to make the kiss last longer when he pulled away. He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and then he disappeared into the darkness.

The game was still on; as soon as I walked through the front door I could hear the announcer rambling over the babble of the crowd.

"Bell?" Charlie called.

"Hey, Dad," I said as I came around the corner. I held my arm close to my side. The slight pressure burned, and I wrinkled my nose. The anesthetic was apparently losing its effectiveness.

"How was it?" Charlie lounged across the sofa with his bare feet propped up on the arm.

What was left of his curly brown hair was crushed flat on one side.

"Alice went overboard. Flowers, cake, candles, presents–the whole bit."

"What did they get you?"

"A stereo for my truck." And various unknowns.

"Wow."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Well, I'm calling it a night."

"I'll see you in the morning."

I waved. "See ya."

"What happened to your arm?"

I flushed and cursed silently. "I tripped. It's nothing."

"Bella," he sighed, shaking his head.

"Goodnight, Dad."

I hurried up to the bathroom, where I kept my pajamas for just such nights as these. I finally had an opportunity to check the panty liner I'd placed in my underwear earlier when I got dressed, and my worst fears were confirmed. I had bled more than I'd expected, but it hadn't soaked through.

I sat on the toilet and carefully examined myself, but the tiny trickle of blood had stopped. There was no pain to speak of and I wasn't in any discomfort. I would be ready to continue this afternoons activities if Edward was willing, although I doubted he would be.

I shrugged into the matching tank top and cotton pants that I'd gotten to replace the holey sweats I used to wear to bed, wincing as the movement pulled at the rapidly healing cut on my arm. I washed my face one-handed, brushed my teeth, and then skipped to my room.

He was sitting in the center of my bed, toying idly with one of the silver boxes.

"Hi," he said. His voice was sad. He was wallowing.

I went to the bed, pushed the presents out of his hands, and climbed into his lap.

"Hi." I snuggled into his stone chest. "Can I open my presents now?"

"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" he wondered.

"You made me curious."

I picked up the long flat rectangle that must have been from Carlisle and Esme.

"Allow me," he suggested. He took the gift from my hand and tore the silver paper off with one fluid movement. He handed the rectangular white box back to me.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" I muttered, but he ignored me.

Inside the box was a long thick piece of paper with an overwhelming amount of fine print. It took me a minute to get the gist of the information.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" And I was excited, in spite of myself. It was a voucher for plane tickets, for both me and Edward.

"That's the idea."

"I can't believe it. Renée is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."

"I think I can handle it," he said, and then frowned. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"

He chuckled. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable."

I set the tickets aside and reached for his present, my curiosity rekindled. He took it from me and unwrapped it like the first one.

He handed back a clear CD jewel case, with a blank silver CD inside.

"What is it?" I asked, perplexed.

He didn't say anything; he took the CD and reached around me to put it in the CD player on the bedside table. He hit play, and we waited in silence. Then the music began.

I listened, speechless and wide-eyed. I knew he was waiting for my reaction, but I couldn't talk. Tears welled up, and I reached up to wipe them away before they could spill over.

"Does your arm hurt?" he asked anxiously.

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it." I shut up, so I could listen.

It was his music, his compositions. The first piece on the CD was my lullaby.

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," he explained.

"You're right."

"How does your arm feel?"

"Just fine." Actually, it was starting to blaze under the bandage. I wanted ice. I would have settled for his hand, but that would have given me away.

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything," I protested, but he slid me off his lap and headed for the door.

"Charlie," I hissed. Charlie wasn't exactly aware that Edward frequently stayed over. In fact, he would have a stroke if that fact were brought to his attention. I felt guilty for deceiving him. We were very often up to exactly everything he wouldn't want me to be up to, but you were only eighteen and in love once. It was worth it as long as we didn't get caught.

"He won't catch me," Edward promised as he disappeared silently out the door, and returned, catching the door before it had swung back to touch the frame. He had the glass from the bathroom and the bottle of pills in one hand.

I took the pills he handed me without arguing–I knew I would lose the argument. And my arm really was starting to bother me.

My lullaby continued, soft and lovely, in the background.

"It's late," Edward noted. He scooped me up off the bed with one arm, and pulled the cover back with the other. He put me down with my head on my pillow and tucked the covers around me. He lay down next to me–on top of the covers–and put his arm over me.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed exasperated as I raised my chin to look him in the eye.

"You're not joining me under the covers tonight?"

"I believe I've done enough damage for one day. I know what happened this evening, although none of the rest of the family consciously noticed the difference in your scent. I trust you're sound now."

"Fit as a fiddle. Care to check for yourself?"

"No, thank you. You should have an opportunity to heal. I will not presume to claim any rights that are not my prerogative."

"Ok, Thanks again… for my presents," I whispered.

"You're welcome."

It was quiet for a long moment as I listened to my lullaby drift to a close. Another song began. I recognized Esme's favorite.

"What are you thinking about?'" I wondered in a whisper.

He hesitated for a second before he told me. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."

I felt a chill tingle along my spine.

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?" I asked quickly, hoping it wasn't too clear that I was trying to distract him.

"Yes," he agreed, wary.

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

"You're greedy tonight."

"Yes, I am–but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," I added, piqued.

He laughed, and then sighed. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," he said in a strangely desperate tone as he put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his.

The kiss began much the same as usual–Edward was as careful as ever, and my heart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change. Suddenly his lips became much more urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled in his hair, too, and though I was clearly beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn't stop me. I couldn't feel his body through the quilt, electric blanket, and sheet, but I crushed myself against him eagerly.

I wanted more. I needed him to be closer to me. I had to erase this disastrous night and show him that I loved him, that I needed him.

I climbed out of the covers, pushing them off and kicking them down the bed with my feet when I could reach them. My lips were still on Edward's despite his gentle protests, and then his arms wrapped around me gathering me onto his chest when I had finally worked myself free.

Edward's lips kissed along my jawline and down the column of my neck as his hands moved onto my breasts, cupping them and then gently tweaking my nipples. I moaned at the glorious sensation.

My hands traveled down his body as I knelt beside him and I stroked his chest through his shirt while my uninjured hand slipped under the waist band of his pants.

"Bella no," he hissed as my hand wrapped around the shaft of his cock. It was semi-erect, and rapidly hardening under my touch.

"Why not? Last spring when we started dating, you said you were breaking all the rules. Are you the only one that gets to break the rules?" I let go of his cock and started to unfasten his pants with both hands.

He reached down to stop me. "I can't, this isn't right…"

"You can't, or you won't?" I pulled one hand free and stroked his erection through the fabric of his pants.

"God help me, for I am truly damned. I must be the most selfish creature under all of creation."

He let my hands loose and watched while I opened his pants. I started to tug his pants off, and he raised his hips so I could pull them down to his knees. His cock sprang free fully erect when I pushed his underwear down and released it.

I reached down and stroked his cock while I watched his face. The agony and guilt was slowly replaced by a look passion, and I could read the lust in his eyes. I leaned down and took him in my mouth briefly, but didn't linger. I needed lubrication to let my hand slide easier.

I heard him moan when the warmth and wetness enveloped him, and his head was thrown back, his eyes tightly pinched shut as I gave him pleasure.

His head came up and his eyes popped opened when I let go of him. I quickly pushed my cotton pants and underwear down to my knees, and then rolled onto my back to kick them off. My hand was back on Edward's cock before he could voice a protest.

I threw my leg over Edward, and straddled his thighs so I was in a better position. Now I could more easily use both hands as I stroked his stiff cock. I leaned down and sucked the head of his cock into my mouth again as I bobbed up and down in rhythm with my stroking hands.

I could tell he was getting close, but I needed to get closer to him too. I could feel my desire to be one with Edward burning inside of me, and I didn't want to let him complete like this.

I climbed up his body, sliding up his thighs until I was straddling his hips. I slid my hands under his shirt to stroke my hands up across his glorious stomach to his perfect chest.

My hips ground against his hard cock pressed flat against his body. The lips of my pussy parted as his cock sawed between my folds and my clit ground against the underside of his erection.

Edward was moaning as my hot wet pussy ground against his cock. He reached for the hem of my tank top, and I raised my arms as he pulled it off over my head. He let it drop onto the floor, and then his hands were on my breasts. He tweaked my nipples and gently massaged and cupped my breasts as I rocked back and forth.

I leaned forward into the cool palms of his hands as his thumbs stroked my nipples, and rose up over his hips. I reached back and grasped his cool slippery cock in my hand, and stroked the bulbous head between the lips of my sex. I groaned as I ground the head of his cock against my clit, and then I moved him back to press against my opening.

Edward didn't stop me as I let my weight settle back onto him, and I groaned as the head pushed inside. I stopped for a minute, panting as I adjusted to the feel of Edward's monster cock inside of me. I moaned as I let my weight settle onto his hips, and I slipped lower an inch at a time as more of his cock pressed into me.

I reached down between my legs and started to finger and stroke my clit. The coil in my stomach started to wind tighter as I relaxed my death grip on his cock and let myself adjust to Edward's cock pressing deep into me.

Tonight wasn't about a race to finish or hot steamy teenaged need. Tonight I was making love to Edward. I needed to show him how much I cared. How much I needed him. How much I loved him.

I raised my hips, sliding up his cock, and then slid back down as it pushed deep inside filling me completely. I felt him hit bottom and stretch me to go deeper. The sensations that shot through my body made me shiver with pleasure and another groan escaped my lips.

I set up a slow sensuous rhythm as I eased my hips upwards a little and slid back down. I started to move on him, and waves of pleasure shuddered through me with every movement as I lifted my hips and then thrust back against Edward's cock.

"Unhh… God! … Unhhh… Edward… Unhhh…" I whimpered as I took him inside of me. I moaned quietly with every thrust.

I needed to have him inside me now and I pushed against him harder and faster on his invading cock. My hands were resting on his chest as I supported myself above him, and his hands were resting on my hips now.

"Oh god… Edward… I love you so much… Please tell me we'll be together forever!" I was trying to stay quiet but I knew I was getting louder as my passion rose.

An anguished growl erupted from Edward's chest, and a shiver ran down my spine. The bed creaked loudly, and there was a rush of movement. Suddenly our positions were reversed, and I was flat on my back with Edward above me between my legs driving his hard cock into me.

I gave an involuntary squeal of shock, and then my legs were wrapping around Edwards hips as my heels drummed against his perfect ass. I clung to him and pulled him deeper into me. He was thrusting hard and fast, driving me to ecstasy, and I knew we wouldn't last long now.

"Unhhh…Oh god… Fuck… God, I'm so close… I'm gonna cum!" I moaned against Edward's shoulder, trying to stifle my cries. Edward thrust hard and fast once, twice, again, and then suddenly I was at the peak. My climax flashed through my core, and the orgasm crashed through me.

I pressed mouth against his collar bone as I moaned Edward's name. I clenched tight around his massive cock buried deep inside me. I felt a flood of wetness as all the muscles in my body contracted, my toes curled tight and my eyes rolled back in my head as I plunged over the edge into the throes of my orgasm…

He thrust hard a couple more times and then he held still, buried to the hilt inside my hot throbbing pussy. My clit throbbed and pulsed against his hard shaft as he shot his cum deep inside me. The orgasm ripped through him, and I felt his cock pulse as his cold juice flooded into me.

I collapsed back onto my pillow, gasping, my head spinning. Something tugged at my memory, elusive, on the edge of conscious thought.

"Sorry," he said, and he was breathless, too. "That was out of line."

"I don't mind," I panted.

He frowned at me in the darkness. "Try to sleep, Bella." I felt his cock pull out of me, and then he rolled off to my side. He pulled the covers up over us and wrapped his arm around me.

"No, I want you to kiss me again."

"You're overestimating my self-control."

"Which was tempting you more, my blood or my body?" I challenged. He had my body. He could have my blood if he wanted it too.

"It's a tie." He grinned briefly in spite of himself, and then was serious again. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine," I agreed, snuggling closer to him. I really did feel exhausted. It had been a long day in so many ways, yet I felt no sense of relief at its end. Almost as if something worse was coming tomorrow. It was a silly premonition–what could be worse than today?

Just the shock catching up with me, no doubt.

Trying to be sneaky about it, I pressed my injured arm against his shoulder, so his cool skin would soothe the burning. It felt better at once.

I was halfway asleep, maybe more, when I realized what his kiss had reminded me of: last spring, when he'd had to leave me to throw James off my trail, Edward had kissed me goodbye, not knowing when–or if–we would see each other again. This kiss and the way that Edward had made love to me had the same almost painful edge for some reason I couldn't imagine. I shuddered into unconsciousness, as if I were already having a nightmare.

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i

I felt absolutely hideous in the morning. I hadn't slept well; my arm had burned and my head ached. The wound was pretty much healed now as Carlisle had said it would be, but it was still tender. It didn't help my outlook that Edward's face was smooth and remote as he kissed my forehead quickly and ducked out my window. I was afraid of the time I'd spent unconscious, afraid that he might have been thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me sleep. The anxiety seemed to ratchet up the intensity of the pounding in my head.

Edward was waiting for me at school, as usual, but his face was still wrong. There was something buried in his eyes that I couldn't be sure of–and it scared me. I didn't want to bring up last night, but I wasn't sure if avoiding the subject would be worse.

He opened my door for me.

"How do you feel?"

"Perfect," I lied, cringing as the sound of the slamming door echoed in my head.

We walked in silence, he shortening his stride to match mine. There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but most of those questions would have to wait, because they were for Alice: How was Jasper this morning? What had they said when I was gone? What had Rosalie said? And most importantly, what could she see happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future? Could she guess what Edward was thinking, why he was so gloomy? Was there a foundation for the tenuous, instinctive fears that I couldn't seem to shake?

The morning passed slowly. I was impatient to see Alice, though I wouldn't be able to really talk to her with Edward there. Edward remained aloof. Occasionally he would ask about my arm, and I would lie.

Alice usually beat us to lunch; she didn't have to keep pace with a sloth like me. But she wasn't at the table, waiting with a tray of food she wouldn't eat.

Edward didn't say anything about her absence. I wondered to myself if her class was running late–until I saw Conner and Ben, who were in her fourth hour French class.

"Where's Alice?" I asked Edward anxiously.

He looked at the granola bar he was slowly pulverizing between his fingertips while he answered. "She's with Jasper."

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for a while."

"What? Where?"

Edward shrugged. "Nowhere in particular."

"And Alice, too," I said with quiet desperation. Of course, if Jasper needed her, she would go.

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali."

Denali was where the one other band of unique vampires–good ones like the Cullens–lived. Tanya and her family. I'd heard of them now and again. Edward had run to them last winter when my arrival had made Forks difficult for him. Laurent, the most civilized member of James's little coven, had gone there rather than siding with James against the Cullens. It made sense for Alice to encourage Jasper to go there.

I swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. The guilt made my head bow and my shoulders slump. I'd run them out of their home, just like Rosalie and Emmett. I was a plague.

"Is your arm bothering you?" he asked solicitously.

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" I muttered in disgust.

He didn't answer, and I put my head down on the table.

By the end of the day, the silence was becoming ridiculous. I didn't want to be the one to break it, but apparently that was my only choice if I ever wanted him to talk to me again.

"You'll come over later tonight?" I asked as he walked me–silently–to my truck. He always came over.

"Later?"

It pleased me that he seemed surprised. "I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh," he murmured.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" I hated that I felt suddenly unsure about this.

"If you want me to."

"I always want you," I reminded him, with perhaps a little more intensity than the conversation required.

I expected he would laugh, or smile, or react somehow to my words.

"All right, then," he said indifferently.

He kissed my forehead again before he shut the door on me. Then he turned his back and loped gracefully toward his car.

I was able to drive out of the parking lot before the panic really hit, but I was hyperventilating by the time I got to Newton's.

He just needed time, I told myself. He would get over this. Maybe he was sad because his family was disappearing. But Alice and Jasper would come back soon, and Rosalie and Emmett, too. If it would help, I would stay away from the big white house on the river–I'd never set foot there again. That didn't matter. I'd still see Alice at school. She would have to come back for school, right? And she was at my place all the time anyway. She wouldn't want to hurt Charlie's feelings by staying away.

No doubt I would also run into Carlisle with regularity–in the emergency room.

After all, what had happened last night was nothing. Nothing had happened. So I fell down–that was the story of my life. Compared to last spring, it seemed especially unimportant. James had left me broken and nearly dead from loss of blood–and yet Edward had handled the interminable weeks in the hospital much better than this.

Was it because, this time, it wasn't an enemy he'd had to protect me from? Because it was his brother?

Maybe it would be better if he took me away, rather than his family being scattered. I grew slightly less depressed as I considered all the uninterrupted alone time. If he could just last through the school year, Charlie wouldn't be able to object. We could go away to college, or pretend that's what we were doing, like Rosalie and Emmett this year. Surely Edward could wait a year. What was a year to an immortal? It didn't even seem like that much to me.

I was able to talk myself into enough composure to handle getting out of the truck and walking to the store. Mike Newton had beaten me here today, and he smiled and waved when I came in. I grabbed my vest, nodding vaguely in his direction. I was still imagining pleasant scenarios that consisted of me running away with Edward to various exotic locales.

Mike interrupted my fantasy. "How was your birthday?"

"Ugh," I mumbled. "I'm glad it's over."

Mike looked at me from the corners of his eyes like I was crazy.

Work dragged. I wanted to see Edward again, praying that he would be past the worst of this, whatever it was exactly, by the time I saw him again. It's nothing, I told myself over and over again. Everything will go back to normal.

The relief I felt when I turned onto my street and saw Edward's silver car parked in front of my house was an overwhelming, heady thing. And it bothered me deeply that it should be that way.

I hurried through the front door, calling out before I was completely inside.

"Dad? Edward?"

As I spoke, I could hear the distinctive theme music from ESPN's SportsCenter coming from the living room.

"In here," Charlie called.

I hung my raincoat on its peg and hurried around the corner.

Edward was in the armchair, my father on the sofa. Both had their eyes trained on the TV.

The focus was normal for my father. Not so much for Edward.

"Hi," I said weakly.

"Hey, Bella," my father answered, eyes never moving. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay."

I waited in the doorway. Finally, Edward looked over at me with a polite smile. "I'll be right behind you," he promised. His eyes strayed back to the TV.

I stared for another minute, shocked. Neither one seemed to notice. I could feel something, panic maybe, building up in my chest. I escaped to the kitchen.

The pizza held no interest for me. I sat in my chair, pulled my knees up, and wrapped my arms around them. Something was very wrong, maybe more wrong than I'd realized.

The sounds of male bonding and banter continued from the TV set.

I tried to get control of myself, to reason with myself.

What's the worst that can happen? I flinched. That was definitely the wrong question to ask.

I was having a hard time breathing right.

Okay, I thought again, what's the worst I can live through?

I didn't like that question so much, either. But I thought through the possibilities I'd considered today.

Staying away from Edward's family. Of course, he wouldn't expect Alice to be part of that.

But if Jasper was off limits, that would lessen the time I could have with her. I nodded to myself–I could live with that.

Or going away. Maybe he wouldn't want to wait till the end of the school year, maybe it would have to be now.

In front of me, on the table, my presents from Charlie and Renée were where I had left them, the digital camera I hadn't had the chance to use at the Cullens' sitting beside the album. I touched the pretty cover of the scrapbook my mother had given me, and sighed, thinking of Renée.

Somehow, living without her for as long as I had did not make the idea of a more permanent separation easier. And Charlie would be left all alone here, abandoned. They would both be so hurt…

But we'd come back, right? We'd visit, of course, wouldn't we?

I couldn't be certain about the answer to that.

I leaned my cheek against my knee, staring at the physical tokens of my parents' love. I'd known this path I'd chosen was going to be hard. And, after all, I was thinking about the worst-case scenario–the very worst I could live through.

I touched the scrapbook again, flipping the front cover over. Little metal corners were already in place to hold the first picture. It wasn't a half-bad idea, to make some record of my life here. I felt a strange urge to get started. Maybe I didn't have that long left in Forks.

I toyed with the wrist strap on the digital camera, wondering about the first picture on the memory stick.

Could it possibly turn out anything close to the original? I doubted it. But he didn't seem worried that it would be blank. I chuckled to myself, thinking of his carefree laughter last night. The chuckle died away. So much had changed, and so abruptly. It made me feel a little bit dizzy, like I was standing on an edge, a precipice somewhere much too high.

I didn't want to think about that anymore. I grabbed the digital camera and headed up the stairs.

My room hadn't really changed all that much in the seventeen years since my mother had been here. The walls were still light blue, the same yellowed lace curtains hung in front of the window. There was a bed, rather than a crib, but she would recognize the quilt draped untidily over the top–it had been a gift from Gran.

Regardless, I snapped a picture of my room. There wasn't much else I could do tonight–it was too dark outside–and the feeling was growing stronger, it was almost a compulsion now.

I would record everything about Forks before I had to leave it.

Change was coming. I could feel it. It wasn't a pleasant prospect, not when life was perfect the way it was.

I took my time coming back down the stairs, digital camera in hand, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I thought of the strange distance I didn't want to see in Edward's eyes. He would get over this. Probably he was worried that I would be upset when he asked me to leave. I would let him work through it without meddling. And I would be prepared when he asked.

I had the digital camera ready as I leaned around the corner, being sneaky. I was sure there was no chance that I had caught Edward by surprise, but he didn't look up.

I felt a brief shiver as something icy twisted in my stomach; I ignored that and took the picture.

They both looked at me then. Charlie frowned. Edward's face was empty, expressionless.

"What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie complained.

"Oh, come on." I pretended to smile as I went to sit on the floor in front of the sofa where Charlie lounged. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt."

"Why are you taking pictures of me, though?" he grumbled.

"Because you're so handsome," I replied, keeping it light. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."

He mumbled something unintelligible.

"Hey, Edward," I said with admirable indifference. "Take one of me and my dad together."

I threw the digital camera toward him, carefully avoiding his eyes, and knelt beside the arm of the sofa where Charlie's face was. Charlie sighed.

"You need to smile, Bella," Edward murmured.

I did my best, and the digital camera flashed.

"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie suggested. I knew he was just trying to shift the camera's focus from himself.

Edward stood and lightly tossed him the digital camera.

I went to stand beside Edward, and the arrangement felt formal and strange to me. He put one hand lightly on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm more securely around his waist. I wanted to look at his face, but I was afraid to.

"Smile, Bella," Charlie reminded me again.

I took a deep breath and smiled. The flash blinded me.

"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie said then, shoving the digital camera into a crevice of the sofa cushions and rolling over it.

"You don't have to take all the pictures now."

Edward dropped his hand from my shoulder and twisted casually out of my arm. He sat back down in the armchair.

I hesitated, and then went to sit against the sofa again. I was suddenly so frightened that my hands were shaking. I pressed them into my stomach to hide them, put my chin on my knees and stared at the TV screen in front of me, seeing nothing.

When the show ended, I hadn't moved an inch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stand.

"I'd better get home," he said.

Charlie didn't look up from the commercial. "See ya."

I got awkwardly to my feet–I was stiff from sitting so still–and followed Edward out the front door. He went straight to his car.

"Will you stay?" I asked, no hope in my voice.

I expected his answer, so it didn't hurt as much.

"Not tonight."

I didn't ask for a reason.

He got in his car and drove away while I stood there, unmoving. I barely noticed that it was raining. I waited, without knowing what I waited for, until the door opened behind me.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Charlie asked, surprised to see me standing there alone and dripping.

"Nothing." I turned and trudged back to the house.

It was a long night, with little in the way of rest.

I got up as soon as there was a faint light outside my window. I dressed for school mechanically, waiting for the clouds to brighten. When I had eaten a bowl of cereal, I decided that it was light enough for pictures. I took one of my truck, and then the front of the house. I turned and snapped a few of the forest by Charlie's house. Funny how it didn't seem sinister like it used to. I realized I would miss this–the green, the timelessness, the mystery of the woods. All of it.

I put the digital camera in my school bag before I left. I tried to concentrate on my new project rather than the fact that Edward apparently hadn't gotten over things during the night.

I felt relief when I saw Edward waiting for me in the parking lot, but it faded quickly. He was no different, unless maybe more remote. Along with the fear, I was beginning to feel impatience. How long could this last?

It lasted through the morning. School followed the silent, frustrating, terrifying pattern of the previous day. He walked silently beside me, never seeming to actually look at me. I tried to concentrate on my classes, but not even English could hold my attention. Mr. Berty had to repeat his question about Lady Capulet twice before I realized he was talking to me. Edward whispered the correct answer under his breath and then went back to ignoring me.

It was hard to even remember the reason for all this mess. My birthday already felt like the distant past. If only Alice would come back. Soon. Before this got any more out of hand.

But I couldn't count on that. I decided that, if I couldn't talk to him today, really talk, then I was going to see Carlisle tomorrow. I had to do something.

At lunch, the silence continued. I felt like I was going to start screaming at any moment, so, to distract myself, I leaned across the table's invisible line and spoke to Jessica.

"Hey, Jess?"

"What's up, Bella?"

"Could you do me a favor?" I asked, reaching into my bag. "My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some pictures of everybody, okay?"

I handed her the digital camera.

"Sure," she said, grinning, and turned to snap a candid shot of Mike with his mouth full.

A predictable picture war ensued. I watched them hand the digital camera around the table, giggling and flirting and complaining about being on camera. It seemed strangely childish. Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for normal human behavior today.

"Uh-oh," Jessica said apologetically as she returned the digital camera. "I think we used all your memory."

"That's okay. I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed."

My final class of the day was a two semester computer technology elective. It was the one class during the day that Edward and I didn't share together. Edward had opted to take painting this semester as an elective, and was going to follow up with advanced art the following semester.

I took some time during the period to download the pictures from the memory stick in the digital camera. I sat waiting for the first picture to appear on the screen with wary curiosity.

Ridiculously, I still half expected the first picture to be a blank.

When it appeared on the screen, I gasped aloud. Edward looked just as beautiful as he did in real life, staring at me out of the computer monitor with the warm eyes I'd missed for the past few days. It was almost uncanny that anyone could look so… so… beyond description. No thousand words could equal this picture.

I flipped through the rest of the album quickly once, and then selected three of them and put them on the screen side by side.

The first was the picture of Edward in the kitchen, his warm eyes touched with tolerant amusement. The second was Edward and Charlie, watching ESPN. The difference in Edward's expression was severe. His eyes were careful here, reserved. Still breathtakingly beautiful, but his face was colder, more like a sculpture, less alive.

The last was the picture of Edward and me standing awkwardly side by side. Edward's face was the same as the last, cold and statue-like. But that wasn't the most troubling part of this photograph. The contrast between the two of us was painful. He looked like a god. I looked very average, even for a human, almost shamefully plain. I closed the picture with a feeling of disgust.

I upload the pictures to the school server, and then I emailed copies to myself, so I could download them to my computer at home. I took the time to print a set of hard copies for my mom. I knew she'd want to see them, but she'd have trouble trying to view them if I just emailed them. Renée was technologically challenged, and had difficulty with modern technology.

When I was done, I stuffed the set of prints in a fresh envelope and penned a long thank-you letter to Renée.

After school, Edward and I were going to talk it out, I promised myself. I wasn't accepting any excuses.

He walked me to my truck, and I steeled myself to make my demands.

"Do you mind if I come over today?" he asked before we got to the truck, beating me to the punch.

"Of course not."

"Now?" he asked again, opening my door for me.

"Sure," I kept my voice even, though I didn't like the urgency in his tone. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renée in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

He looked at the fat envelope on the passenger seat. Suddenly, he reached over me and snagged it.

"I'll do it," he said quietly. "And I'll still beat you there." He smiled my favorite crooked smile, but it was wrong. It didn't reach his eyes.

"Okay," I agreed, unable to smile back. He shut the door, and headed toward his car.

He did beat me home. He was parked in Charlie's spot when I pulled up in front of the house. That was a bad sign. He didn't plan to stay, then. I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.

He got out of his car when I stepped out of the truck, and came to meet me. He reached to take my book bag from me. That was normal. But he shoved it back onto the seat. That was not normal.

"Come for a walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand.

I didn't answer. I couldn't think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn't like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in my head repeated again and again.

But he didn't wait for an answer. He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. I followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It was what I wanted, I reminded myself. The chance to talk it all through. So why was the panic choking me?

We'd gone only a few steps into the trees when he stopped. We were barely on the trail–I could still see the house.

Some walk.

Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expression unreadable.

"Okay, let's talk," I said. It sounded braver than it felt.

He took a deep breath.

"Bella, we're leaving."

I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask.

"Why now? Another year–"

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace.

Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.

He stared back coldly.

With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood.

"When you say we–," I whispered.

"I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct.

I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience.

It took a few minutes before I could speak.

"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," he said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper–that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay–"

"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me–somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you–it's yours already!"

He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder–like the liquid gold had frozen solid.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

"You… don't… want me?"

I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.

"No."

I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz–hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the words he'd spoken.

"Well, that changes things." I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded.

It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what he was telling me. It still didn't make any sense.

He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." He looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were not human. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."

He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.

"You're not good for me, Bella."

He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him.

I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited patiently, his face wiped clean of all emotion. I tried again.

"If… that's what you want."

He nodded once.

My whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything below the neck.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said.

I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask.

"Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger.

As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nodded helplessly.

His eyes cooled, the distance returned. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself–for him."

I nodded again. "I will," I whispered.

He seemed to relax just a little.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away.

He smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human–your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" I asked. It sounded like there was something stuck in my throat, like I was choking.

"Well"–he hesitated for a short second–"I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted."

He smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch his eyes.

He took a step away from me. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

The plural caught my attention. That surprised me; I would have thought I was beyond noticing anything.

"Alice isn't coming back," I realized.

I don't know how he heard me–the words made no sound–but he seemed to understand.

He shook his head slowly, always watching my face.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" My voice was blank with disbelief.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

I was dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. His words swirled around in my head, and I heard the doctor at the hospital in Phoenix, last spring, as he showed me the X-rays. You can see it's a clean break, his finger traced along the picture of my severed bone. That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly.

I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare.

"Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice.

"Wait!" I choked out the word, reaching for him, willing my deadened legs to carry me forward.

I thought he was reaching for me, too. But his cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed.

"Take care of yourself," he breathed, cool against my skin. There was a light, unnatural breeze. My eyes flashed open. The leaves on a small vine maple shuddered with the gentle wind of his passage.

He was gone.

With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest.

The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.

Love, life, meaning… over.

I walked and walked. Time made no sense as I pushed slowly through the thick undergrowth. It was hours passing, but also only seconds. Maybe it felt like time had frozen because the forest looked the same no matter how far I went. I started to worry that I was traveling in a circle, a very small circle at that, but I kept going. I stumbled often, and, as it grew darker and darker, I fell often, too.

Finally, I tripped over something–it was black now, I had no idea what caught my foot–and I stayed down. I rolled onto my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up on the wet bracken.

As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I couldn't remember how long it had been since nightfall. Was it always so dark here at night? Surely, as a rule, some little bit of moonlight would filter down through the clouds, through the chinks in the canopy of trees, and find the ground.

Not tonight. Tonight the sky was utterly black. Perhaps there was no moon tonight–a lunar eclipse, a new moon.

A new moon. I shivered, though I wasn't cold.

It was black for a long time before I heard them calling.

Someone was shouting my name. It was muted, muffled by the wet growth that surrounded me, but it was definitely my name. I didn't recognize the voice. I thought about answering, but I was dazed, and it took a long time to come to the conclusion that I should answer. By then, the calling had stopped.

Sometime later, the rain woke me up. I don't think I'd really fallen asleep; I was just lost in an unthinking stupor, holding with all my strength to the numbness that kept me from realizing what I didn't want to know.

The rain bothered me a little. It was cold. I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover my face.

It was then that I heard the calling again. It was farther away this time, and sometimes it sounded like several voices were calling at once. I tried to breathe deeply. I remembered that I should answer, but I didn't think they would be able to hear me. Would I be able to shout loud enough?

The rain continued, and I could feel the water pooling up against my cheek. I was trying to gather the strength to turn my head when I saw the light.

At first it was just a dim glow reflecting off the bushes in the distance. It grew brighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of a flashlight. The light broke through the closest brush, and I could see that it was a propane lantern, but that was all I could see–the brightness blinded me for a moment.

"Bella."

The voice was vaguely familiar, and full of recognition. He wasn't calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found.

I stared up–impossibly high it seemed–at the pale white face and red hair that I could now see above me. I was vaguely aware that the man probably only looked so tall because my head was still on the ground. He was wearing a Forks police uniform under his rain slicker and held the propane lantern in his hand.

"Are you hurt?"

I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point?

"Bella, my name is Mark Chapman."

There was nothing familiar about his name.

"Charlie sent me to look for you."

Charlie? That struck a chord, and I tried to pay more attention to what he was saying.

Charlie mattered, if nothing else did.

The policeman held out a hand. I gazed at it, not sure what I was supposed to do.

His blue eyes appraised me for a second, and then he shrugged. In a moment of decision, he knelt beside me, and pulled me up from the ground into his arms.

I hung there, limp, as he trudged rapidly through the wet forest, calling for help. Some part of me knew this should upset me–being carried away by this vaguely familiar stranger. But there was nothing left in me to upset.

It didn't seem like too much time passed before we were joined by more lights and the deep babble of many male voices. Mark Chapman slowed as he approached the commotion.

"I've got her!" he called in a loud voice.

The babble ceased, and then picked up again with more intensity. A confusing swirl of faces moved over me. Mark's voice was the only one that made sense in the chaos, perhaps because my ear was against his chest.

"No, I don't think she's hurt," he told someone. "She just keeps saying 'He's gone.'"

Was I saying that out loud? I bit down on my lip.

"Bella, honey, are you all right?"

That was one voice I would know anywhere–even distorted, as it was now, with worry.

"Charlie?" My voice sounded strange and small.

"I'm right here, baby."

There was a shifting under me, followed by the leathery smell of my dad's sheriff jacket.

Charlie staggered under my weight.

"Maybe I should hold on to her," Mark Chapman suggested.

"I've got her," Charlie said, a little breathless.

He walked slowly, struggling. I wished I could tell him to put me down and let me walk, but I couldn't find my voice.

There were lights everywhere, held by the crowd walking with him. It felt like a parade. Or a funeral procession. I closed my eyes.

"We're almost home now, honey," Charlie mumbled now and then.

I opened my eyes again when I heard the door unlock. We were on the porch of our house, and the tall policeman was holding the door for Charlie, one arm extended toward us, as if he was preparing to catch me when Charlie's arms failed.

"Thanks' Mark," Charlie commented. He managed to get me through the door and to the couch in the living room.

"Dad, I'm all wet," I objected feebly.

"That doesn't matter." His voice was gruff. And then he was talking to someone else.

"Blankets are in the cupboard at the top of the stairs."

"Bella?" a new voice asked. I looked at the gray-haired man leaning over me, and recognition came after a few slow seconds.

"Dr. Gerandy?" I mumbled.

"That's right, dear," he said. "Are you hurt, Bella?"

Dr. Gerandy was waiting. One grizzled eyebrow rose, and the wrinkles on his forehead deepened.

"I'm not hurt," I lied. The words, were true enough for what he'd asked.

His warm hand touched my forehead, and his fingers pressed against the inside of my wrist. I watched his lips as he counted to himself, his eyes on his watch.

"What happened to you?" he asked casually.

I froze under his hand, tasting panic in the back of my throat.

"Did you get lost in the woods?" he prodded. I was aware of several other people listening.

Mr. Newton was there with Mike and Mr. Weber, Angela's father; they all were watching me more surreptitiously than the strangers. Other deep voices rumbled from the kitchen and outside the front door. Half the town must have been looking for me.

Charlie was the closest. He leaned in to hear my answer.

"Yes," I whispered. "I got lost."

The doctor nodded, thoughtful, his fingers probing gently against the glands under my jaw.

Charlie's face hardened.

"Do you feel tired?" Dr. Gerandy asked.

I nodded and closed my eyes obediently.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with her," I heard the doctor mutter to Charlie after a moment. "Just exhaustion. Let her sleep it off, and I'll come check on her tomorrow," he paused. He must have looked at his watch, because he added, "Well, later today actually."

There was a creaking sound as they both pushed off from the couch to get to their feet.

"Is it true?" Charlie whispered. Their voices were farther away now. I strained to hear. "Did they leave?"

"Dr. Cullen asked us not to say anything," Dr. Gerandy answered. "The offer was very sudden; they had to choose immediately. Carlisle didn't want to make a big production out of leaving."

"A little warning might have been nice," Charlie grumbled.

Dr. Gerandy sounded uncomfortable when he replied. "Yes, well, in this situation, some warning might have been called for."

I didn't want to listen anymore. I felt around for the edge of the quilt someone had laid on top of me, and pulled it over my ear.

I drifted in and out of alertness. I heard Charlie whisper thanks to the volunteers as, one by one, they left. I felt his fingers on my forehead, and then the weight of another blanket. The phone rang a few times, and he hurried to catch it before it could wake me. He muttered reassurances in a low voice to the callers.

"Yeah, we found her. She's okay. She got lost. She's fine now," he said again and again.

I heard the springs in the armchair groan when he settled himself in for the night.

"Who was on the phone" I asked in a small voice.

"Don't worry about it, just people checking to see if you're ok."

We sat in silence for a moment. The sky was no longer black outside the window.

Somewhere behind the rain, the sun was beginning to rise.

"Bella?" Charlie asked.

I looked at him uneasily.

"He left you alone in the woods?" Charlie guessed.

I deflected his question. "How did you know where to find me?" My mind shied away from the inevitable awareness that was coming, coming quickly now.

"Your note," Charlie answered surprised. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a much-abused piece of paper. It was dirty and damp, with multiple creases from being opened and refolded many times. He unfolded it again, and held it up as evidence. The messy handwriting was remarkably close to my own.

_Going for a walk with Edward, up the path, it said_. _Back soon_, _B_.

"When you didn't come back, I called the Cullens, and no one answered," Charlie said in a low voice. "Then I called the hospital, and Dr. Gerandy told me that Carlisle was gone."

"Where did they go?" I mumbled.

He stared at me. "Didn't Edward tell you?"

I shook my head, recoiling. The sound of his name unleashed the thing that was clawing inside of me–a pain that knocked me breathless, astonished me with its force.

Charlie eyed me doubtfully as he answered. "Carlisle took a job with a big hospital in Los Angeles. I guess they threw a lot of money at him."

Sunny L.A. The last place they would really go. I remembered my nightmare with the mirror… the bright sunlight shimmering off of his skin– Agony ripped through me with the memory of his face.

"I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods," Charlie insisted. I could see the anger in his eyes as he asked me. He wasn't mad at me.

His name sent another wave of torture through me. I shook my head, frantic, desperate to escape the pain. "It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house… but I tried to follow him."

Charlie started to say something; childishly, I covered my ears. "I can't talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room."

Before he could answer, I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up the stairs.

Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie, a note that would lead him to find me. From the minute that I'd realized this, a horrible suspicion began to grow in my head. I rushed to my room, shutting the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my bed.

Everything looked exactly the same as I'd left it. I pressed down on the top of the CD player.

The latch unhooked, and the lid slowly swung open.

It was empty.

My school book bag was leaning against the desk. Edward had left it on the seat of the truck before we went on our walk. I reached inside and got out the digital camera and turned the dial selector on top to view the pictures in memory on the screen on the back of the camera.

I didn't have to flip any farther than the first image. The picture on the screen wasn't Edward. It was the picture of my bedroom.

I stopped there. I was sure that he would have been very thorough.

_It will be as if I'd never existed_, he'd promised me.

I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.

I did not resurface.

**Author's Note:**

I wanted to get these first two chapters posted right away because significant portions are right out of the book, but there were important changes in my version of these events. The next chapter should be up soon. It's already written.

As I said before, this is my spin on the events of the first couple of chapters of New Moon. It's setting things up for where this story will diverge from the original storyline in the next chapter.

As I'm sure many of you may have noticed from the changes, it is currently my intention that this will remain a Wolf-free story. The events in Twilight remain intact. Bella met Jacob, and he told her scary stories about vampires that led her to realize what Edward and the Cullens were. That will remain the extent of Quileute involvement for the foreseeable future of this story.

If you liked this, please review and let me know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3 Rude Awakening

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **BPOV (Bella), Bella starts the story. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 3 Rude Awakening

I woke with a start–my eyelids popping open wide–and gasped. Bright gray light, the familiar light of a typical overcast day was streaming in my window.

The dream was still so vivid in my memory. I'd dreamed of the boy again, a perfect little boy with soft green eyes. My mind shied away for the fact that the child was an almost perfect representation of Edward as he might have been as a small child, but with rosy cheeks that flushed. The features were softer, and he seemed so vulnerable and lost.

I followed the tiny child through the forest. We were both lost and searching for something that eluded us. He would run ahead searching, and then stop looking back waiting for me to catch up as he shivered with fear, the desperation evident on his tiny features. I needed to comfort him and wrap him in my arms to keep him safe but could never catch up to him as he ran ahead of me through the forest.

But this dream, or nightmare I suppose, was different. I had caught up to the boy this time when we reached the center of the wood. I held him close to comfort him and the scene abruptly transformed.

Everything I saw looked completely different, though nothing actually was different. And then I was awake before I knew why.

It was better than the other nightmares. Endlessly chasing this perfect little child through the forest was better than waking up screaming.

Just a dream, I told myself. It was only a dream. I took a deep breath, and then rolled over to stare at the alarm clock. No alarm today. I'd shut it off last night when I went to bed. The little calendar in the corner of the clock's display informed me that today was October second.

"Good Morning," Charlie said as I walked into the kitchen. "Well, I suppose good afternoon would be closer to the truth. You sure have been sleeping a lot lately, Bells."

I failed to see what was good about it, but I wasn't going to let Charlie see my black mood. I was still wearing my pajamas, but I'd thrown on a robe. I got a cup of coffee from the pot on the coffee maker. I added some sugar and sat down at the table and took a sip. I felt kind of queasy but I ignored it.

"For as tired as I've been, you'd think I'd sleep better."

"You've been sleeping like the dead, Bella. I haven't heard you say a word in your sleep for weeks now. If it weren't for the snoring, I'd worry you were slipping into a coma."

I was a little annoyed at Charlie's comment. I thought I'd been doing better. The first week, I'd been completely worthless and was totally out of it. All I'd done was lie in bed, only leaving my room to relieve my necessary bodily functions. I ate if he brought me food, but it was like I had died or was overcome by some debilitating illness. I hadn't bathed, gone to school or to work. I simply existed, and wished that I didn't. I'd started to respond when he'd threatened to have Dr. Gerandy come and check on me, and then I'd finally snapped out of it when he'd threatened to send me to live with Renée in Jacksonville.

It was better now. I was better at acting normal, but I'd been so tired lately. I was putting on a brave front for Charlie, and had started to lead my life again. I hadn't missed anymore school, and I went to work on schedule. I cooked for Charlie and did all of my chores and homework. I was going through the motions of life, but I couldn't truly say I was living.

I ignored the snoring jibe; I didn't snore. "I haven't been shouting?" I asked. "That's weird. Usually I'm practically screaming in my sleep when I'm having nightmares."

"You've been having nightmares?"

"Yes… Vivid ones. They make me so tired." I yawned. "I can't believe I haven't been babbling about them all night."

"What are they about?"

"Different things—but the same, you know, because of the colors."

"Colors?"

"It's all so bright and real. Usually, when I'm dreaming, I know that I am. With these, I don't know I'm asleep. It makes them scarier."

He sounded disturbed when he spoke again. "What's upsetting you?"

"I'd prefer not to discuss that." Charlie knew what my nightmares were about but I'd said too much. He didn't need to deal with this too.

The nightmares weren't all like that, exactly. Mostly my nightmares had been about the final days before Edward left. They started off with us together, sometimes intimately in bed, but usually culminated with me alone screaming in the forest.

These nightmares were different. It wasn't that I was afraid for myself—I was afraid for the boy.

This boy I'd dreamed of four times in the last week was definitely human; his cheeks were flushed and his wide eyes were a soft green. But he shook with fear and desperation as we wandered through the dark forest, alone.

I had never given any thought to having children or dreamed about caring for a child like some girls did. I hadn't even really played with dolls as a child. The entire concept was foreign to me.

It seemed a lot clearer now that apparently I wanted to have a child. A child with soft green eyes and curly bronze hair. A child that looked like what Edward would have looked like before the transformation. At least that seemed to be what my subconscious mind was telling me.

In this dream, I simply had to protect the unknown child. There was no other option. At the same time, I knew that I would fail.

"Ok…" Charlie continued when I didn't elaborate. Then he changed the subject. "You slept for a long time. Twelve hours."

"Twelve?" How strange.

I took a drink of my coffee, and my stomach turned. I was suddenly nauseous, and I knew I was going to be violently ill. I lurched out of my seat clamping my hand over my mouth, and rushed down the hall to the bathroom.

I hadn't eaten, and there was nothing to throw up, but my stomach heaved and contracted. I spewed a mouthful of clear fluid and stomach acid into the toilet as I knelt in front of it.

Charlie had followed me to the bathroom, and he handed me a cool wash cloth. I wiped my face and my mouth, and then got up and rinsed out my mouth.

"You getting sick, Bells? It's October now and flu season is starting up. It's a good thing it's Sunday. You should take it easy today. Do you have a fever?"

"No, I felt fine when I got up. I feel fine now. That was weird… One second I was fine, and the next, I was just gonna lose it."

We walked back to the kitchen, and I sat down at the table again. I sniffed the coffee, and it smelled good. I took another sip, and I was fine. Weird…

My stomach growled, and Charlie laughed. "Breakfast time now, I suppose?"

"Yes, please," I said, jumping up from the table. I moved too quickly, though, and had to stagger drunkenly to regain my balance. Charlie caught me before I could stumble into the counter.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"I was just a little disoriented, like my sense of equilibrium was off. I'm fine"

"Ok, if you're sure… I have to run down to the station for a while. Are you going to be alright?"

"I'm fine, chief. Go do your job."

I cooked my breakfast, frying up some eggs—too hungry to do anything more elaborate. Impatient, I flipped them onto a plate after just a few minutes.

"Since when do you eat eggs sunny-side up?" Charlie asked, coming back into the kitchen dressed in his uniform.

"Since now."

"Do you know how many eggs you've gone through in the last week?" He pulled the trash bin out from under the sink—it was full of empty cardboard cartons.

"Weird," I said after swallowing a scorching bite. "It's like something is messing with my appetite." And my dreams, and my already dubious balance.

"Maybe you need to go to the doctor and get it checked out? I can call Dr. Gerandy and make you an appointment…"

"No, dad, I'll be fine. Go to work. I'll see you tonight."

I jolted upright, shocked out of the dream. I had gone back upstairs to lay down when I finished my eggs. I must have drifted off again.

The room was dark but it felt too hot. Sweat matted my hair at the temples and rolled down my throat.

I groped the hot sheets and found them empty.

"Edward?" I mumbled, still disoriented from my dream.

The control for the electric blanket was glowing yellow on the other side of the bed. It was turned all the way up, and Edward's side of the bed was too hot without his cold body to soak up the heat. I turned the control down to a comfortable setting, but the bed would take hours to cool off now.

I winced at the pain that ripped through me as I had spoken the name, and the memories came crashing back down on me. I curled into a ball and wrapped my arms around my chest to try and hold myself together until the spasms of pain receded.

Of course the sheets were empty… It was just another stupid dream. Another nightmare. Another world where He was still mine and we were together. At least I woke up this time before he led me into the forest and I woke up screaming.

I sighed. It had been almost three weeks now, but I hadn't been thinking about time. My life seemed to exist outside of time now, just drifting along in a state of perfect numbness as I pushed everything away that would remind me of the pain. I wiped the sweat off my forehead. I felt absolutely wide awake, though the clock on the dresser said it was after one. I knew I would never be able to sleep as hot and sticky as I felt. Not to mention the fact that if I shut off the light and closed my eyes, I was sure to end up back in that forest and wake up screaming again.

I got up and wandered aimlessly through the dark house. It felt so big and empty without him here beside me to make life seem worthwhile.

I ended up in the kitchen and decided that maybe comfort food was what I needed.

I poked around in the fridge until I found all the ingredients for fried chicken.

The popping and sizzling of the chicken in the pan was a nice, homey sound; I felt less anguish while it filled the silence.

It smelled so good that I started eating it right out of the pan, burning my tongue in the process. By the fifth or sixth bite, though, it had cooled enough for me to taste it. My chewing slowed. Was there something off about the flavor? I checked the meat, and it was white all the way through, but I wondered if it was completely done. I took another experimental bite; I chewed twice. Ugh— definitely bad. I jumped up to spit it into the sink. Suddenly, the chicken-and-oil smell was revolting.

I took the whole plate and shook it into the garbage, then opened the windows to chase away the scent. A coolish breeze had picked up outside and it wasn't raining for once. It felt good on my skin.

I was abruptly exhausted, but I didn't want to go back to my hot bed. So I opened more windows in the living room and lay on the couch while the breeze blew in to cool me off. I turned on the TV and Romeo and Juliet was playing on the classic movie channel. I sat staring at the screen as the nostalgia of the moment washed over me like the pain that flashed through my body. I quickly fell asleep to Romeo wooing Juliet.

When I opened my eyes again, the sun was peeking through the windows. It was Monday morning, but it wasn't the light that woke me. A hand was on my shoulder gently shaking me awake. At the same time, a sudden pain twisted in my stomach, almost like the aftershock of catching a punch in the gut.

"Mornin' Bells, did you sleep down here all night?" Charlie asked with concern in his eyes. "How are you feeling this morning? You were asleep again when I got home from the station."

I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying. "Excuse me!" I gasped, struggling free of his hand.

He dropped his hold automatically. "Bella?"

I streaked for the bathroom with my hand clamped over my mouth. I felt so horrible that I didn't even care—at first—that he was with me while I crouched over the toilet and was violently sick.

"Bella? What's wrong? Do you have the flu?"

I couldn't answer yet. He held my shoulders anxiously, keeping my hair out of my face, waiting till I could breathe again.

"Damn rancid chicken," I moaned.

"Are you all right?" His voice sounded concerned.

"Fine," I panted. "It's just food poisoning. You don't need to see this, dad. Go away."

"Not likely, Bella."

"Go away," I moaned again, struggling to get up so I could rinse my mouth out.

He helped me gently, ignoring the weak shoves I aimed at him.

After my mouth was clean, he helped me upstairs to bed and sat down carefully, next to me on the edge of the mattress.

"Food poisoning?"

"Yeah," I croaked. "I made some chicken last night. It tasted off, so I threw it out. But I ate a few bites first."

He put his hand on my forehead. "You don't have a fever. How do you feel now? "

I thought about that for a moment. The nausea had passed as suddenly as it had come, and I felt like I did any other morning. "Pretty normal. A little hungry, actually."

"Ok. I'm going to call the school, and tell them you're staying home today. I have to go to the police station, but you call me if you need anything, alright? If you're still like this tonight, then I'm taking you to see Doc Gerandy to find out what's going on. You stay in bed and rest. Ok?"

I got bored with lying in bed after Charlie left and decided to go sit at the computer and email Renée. Just like this morning, a sharp pain hit my stomach when I moved.

I lurched away from the bed, my hand tight over my mouth. I barely made it to the bathroom this time as I crouched to throw up into the toilet.

Maybe I did need to see a doctor.

I quickly rejected the idea.

Doctors meant needles. I'd be fine after I brushed my teeth.

When my mouth tasted better, I searched through the medicine cabinet for Pepto-Bismol. There were typical first-aid items like Band-Aids and painkillers but not what I was looking for now. Maybe I could settle my stomach and calm Charlie down to avoid the doctor.

I moved to the cupboard where we stored extra towels, toilet paper, and larger bulkier supplies that wouldn't fit in the cabinet over the sink. Before I found the Pepto, I happened across something else that I stored in that cupboard. I picked up the small blue box and stared at it in my hand for a long moment, forgetting everything else.

Then I started counting in my head. Once. Twice. Again.

How many days had it been since my birthday? I thought as the panic started to rise.

I had to be sure. I dropped the blue box, and raced down the hallway to my room, the stomach medicine forgotten in my panic. I needed a calendar, right now!

Twenty days. My birthday had been on September thirteenth, and this was Monday October third.

I was counting again. I studied the calendar and mouthed the numbers to myself. I'd been wrong about the days before. It had been longer than I'd thought. I started over again.

I tried to swallow. It didn't work. I thought about the little blue box of tampons I'd found in the cabinet again. I hadn't needed any of them.

My period was six days late.

Oh. My. God. I didn't think I had food poisoning anymore. It was morning sickness!

The dreams, sleeping so much, the crying, all that food... Oh god! I couldn't be!

Reflexively, almost involuntarily, my hand dropped to my stomach.

"Oh!" I squeaked out loud.

I lurched to my feet, stepping away from my desk. I'd never changed out of the cotton sleep pants and matching tank top I'd worn to bed. I yanked the blue fabric out of the way and stared at my stomach.

It was much too early to be showing.

But this wasn't a normal circumstance...and my symptoms seem to be far more advanced than they should be this soon. I didn't really know how this was supposed to work, but it seemed wrong from what I did know.

"Impossible," I whispered to myself.

I had absolutely no experience with pregnancy or babies or any part of that world, but I wasn't an idiot. I'd seen enough movies and TV shows to know that this wasn't how it worked. I was only six days late. If I was pregnant, my body wouldn't even have registered that fact. I would not have morning sickness. I would not have changed my eating or sleeping habits.

And I most definitely would not have a small but defined bump sticking out between my hips.

I twisted my torso back and forth, examining it from every angle, as if it would disappear in exactly the right light. I ran my fingers over the subtle bulge, surprised by how rock hard it felt under my skin.

"Impossible," I said again, because, bulge or no bulge, period or no period (and there was definitely no period, though I'd never been late a day in my life), there was no way I could be pregnant. The only person I'd ever had sex with was a vampire, for crying out loud.

So there had to be some other explanation, then. Something wrong with me. Some strange disease with all the signs of pregnancy only accelerated…

And then I remembered something—a morning of internet research that seemed a lifetime ago now. Sitting at my desk with gray light glowing dully through the window, staring at my ancient, wheezing computer, reading avidly through a web-site called "Vampires A–Z."

It had been less than twenty-four hours since I had figured out that Edward was a vampire.

I'd scanned anxiously through the first entries on the site, which was dedicated to vampire myths around the world. The Filipino Danag, the Hebrew Estrie, the Romanian Varacolaci, the Italian Stregoni benefici (a legend actually based on Carlisle's early exploits with the Volturi, not that I'd known anything about that at the time)… I'd paid less and less attention as the stories had grown more and more implausible. I only remembered vague bits of the later entries. They mostly seemed like excuses dreamed up to explain things like infant mortality rates—and infidelity. No, honey, I'm not having an affair! That sexy woman you saw sneaking out of the house was an evil succubus.

I'm lucky I escaped with my life! (Of course, with what I knew now about Tanya and her sisters, I suspected that some of those excuses had been nothing but fact.)

There had been one for the ladies, too. How can you accuse me of cheating on you— just because you've come home from a two-year sea voyage and I'm pregnant?

It was the incubus. He hypnotized me with his mystical vampire powers.…

That had been part of the definition of the incubus—the ability to father children with his hapless prey.

I shook my head, dazed. But… Vampires couldn't have children!

I thought of Esme and especially Rosalie. If it were possible, Rosalie would have found a way by now.

The incubus myth was nothing but a fable.

Except that…well, there was a difference. Of course Rosalie could not conceive a child, because she was virtually frozen in the state in which she passed from human to inhuman. Almost totally unchanging. And human women's bodies had to change to bear children. The constant change of a monthly cycle for one thing, and then the bigger changes needed to accommodate a growing child. Rosalie's body couldn't change enough to bear a child.

But mine could. Mine did. I touched the bump on my stomach that had not been there yesterday.

And human men—well, they pretty much stayed the same from puberty to death.

I remembered a random bit of trivia, gleaned from who knows where: Charlie Chaplin was in his seventies when he fathered his youngest child. Men had no such thing as child-bearing years or cycles of fertility.

Of course, how would anyone know if vampire men could father children when their partners were not able to? What vampire on earth would have the restraint necessary to test the theory with a human woman? Or the inclination?

I could think of only one.

Part of my head was sorting through fact and memory and speculation, while the other half—the part that controlled the ability to move even the smallest muscles—was stunned beyond the capacity for normal operations. I needed Edward to explain to me what the hell was going on.

But Edward was gone. They all were gone. Carlisle might have had some insight into what was happening to me, but Edward had made them all leave, and I had no one to turn to with my questions.

I could imagine trying to explain this to Dr. Gerandy. He'd want to know the first day of my last period, and then he'd assume I was lying or was too stupid to remember the date. How would I explain how far along I was and make them believe me without telling them about Edward and the Cullen's? I didn't know what was happening, but I knew he wouldn't either. None of the regular medical community would know what to do or how to help me. I couldn't tell the truth. They'd either lock me up, or the Volturi would show up to shut me up.

I had to keep this a secret until I figured out what to do, but I was getting way ahead of myself. I didn't even know if I really was pregnant, or if this was just some strange disease. I needed proof before I went flying off half-cocked and started jumping to conclusions.

I'd wanted Pepto-Bismol before to settle my stomach, but we didn't have any. Fine, I'd go to the store to pick some up, and then I'd look at my options once I was feeling better. I went back down to the bathroom and showered, and then went to my room and got dressed.

I drove to the Thriftway store, and went back to the pharmacy and drugstore section. I was browsing the aisles looking for the Pepto-Bismol when something caught my eye. I suppose I had actually come here to buy this all along but hadn't wanted to admit it even to myself. I picked up a home pregnancy test and dropped it into my basket, and then got the Pepto-Bismol.

I felt horribly self-conscious going through the check out line, and I blushed bright red when Mrs. Bailey rang up my purchase. She just smiled at me while she gave me a speculative look up and down as she took my money and counted out my change. She wasn't as big a gossip Jessica's mom, Janet Stanley, but I knew within a matter of days everyone in Forks would know what I'd bought this morning.

Maybe I should have driven to Port Angeles to buy the test, but it was a moot point now. Done was done and I couldn't take it back. I drove home and went upstairs to take the test.

Twenty minutes later I was sure. The little blue plus sign in the window said so. It seemed impossible, but I was pregnant. Well, so much for '_You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me_.' I seriously doubted '_It will be as if I'd never existed_' was going to work either. Edward had tried to erase himself from my life, but I still had a piece of him with me. I was carrying his child.

I wanted to go back to my room to curl up in my bed and think this through. A cold chill ran down my spine like ice water in my veins. This was too much for my mind to cope with, and I didn't know what to do next, but my body wouldn't follow instructions. I could only stare at my shocked eyes in the mirror, my fingers gingerly pressed against the swelling on my torso.

And then, like in my vivid nightmare last night, the scene abruptly transformed.

Everything I saw in the mirror looked completely different, though nothing actually was different.

What happened to change everything was a soft little nudge bumping my hand—from inside my body.

I pressed my fingers to my stomach. In the mirror my expression was no longer bewildered—it was wondering now. I barely noticed when the strange, silent tears started streaming down my cheeks.

I was having a moment. Possibly the biggest of my life...

The vision I'd imagined in my dreams danced behind my lids. A tiny, beautiful little baby, even more beautiful than the boy in my dream—a tiny Edward in my arms... Warmth shot through my veins, chasing the ice away.

I took a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant." There, I said it out loud. It made it seem more real.

As if to back me up, there was another tiny nudge in my abdomen. My hand flew to my stomach.

"I'm going to have Edward's baby…"

The words sent a warm shiver down my spine. The little nudger fluttered inside me.

I had to make plans. I had to figure out what I was going to do. I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that I would keep this baby, Edward's baby. I had to protect him and keep him safe, but I didn't know how to do that yet.

Once again, I ended up in my bedroom in front of the computer. I had gotten a bag of pretzels out of the cupboard in the kitchen. They seemed to help settle my stomach. I started chewing on them absently as I sat staring out the window at the gloomy forest through the rain.

Someone nudged me.

"I know," I said. "Don't worry, I'll figure this out."

I stared out the window for a moment, but the nudger didn't respond.

I hadn't gotten around to freaking out yet. My brain was still trying to wrap itself around all of this—it was still stuck marveling over the picture it had conjured up before: the tiny child with Edward's eyes—green, as his had been when he was human—lying fair and beautiful in my arms. I hoped he would have Edward's face exactly, with no interference from mine.

It was funny how abruptly and entirely necessary this vision had become. From that first little touch, my whole world had shifted. Where before there was just one thing I could not live without, and I had been in misery because it was gone from my life, now I was whole again. The void in my life had been filled again— my love was not split between them; it wasn't like that. I hadn't replaced Edward, I could still feel my love for him, and the dull ache because he was gone. It was more like my heart had grown, swollen up to twice its size in that moment. All that extra space already filled. The increase was almost dizzying, but it was enough to fill the void in my life and allow me to go on.

I'd never really understood Rosalie's pain and resentment before. I'd never imagined myself a mother, never wanted that. It had been a piece of cake to argue with Edward that I didn't care about giving up children for him, because I truly didn't. Children, in the abstract, had never appealed to me. They seemed to be loud creatures, often dripping some form of goo.

I'd never had much to do with them. When I'd dreamed of Renée providing me with a brother, I'd always imagined an older brother. Someone to take care of me, rather than the other way around.

This child, Edward's child, was a whole different story.

I wanted him like I wanted air to breathe. Not a choice—a necessity.

It was still morning, around ten o'clock. I had all day before Charlie would get home, and I had to figure out what to do. I started with some research about pregnancy on the internet. My symptoms were normal. For someone who was fifteen to sixteen weeks along. They were entirely abnormal for twenty days. I was only three weeks pregnant, but my symptoms said I was entering the second trimester.

If I kept developing at this rate, I'd have the baby in another six weeks. According to my calculations, I'd have the baby before Thanksgiving, around November 15.

There was no way I could keep this a secret in Forks, but I couldn't do this alone. I was going to need help. I was practically an invalid now, the way I was sleeping and running to the bathroom to throw up. I could hardly keep solid food down, although the salty pretzels seemed to be helping.

I needed somebody that already knew about all the weird stuff in my life to help me, but they were all gone. I needed Carlisle and Alice. Edward didn't want me anymore, but maybe the rest of the family would help me if I could find them. Regardless, I had to get out of Forks before the rumors started to spread.

I was up out of my seat packing before I'd really even made a conscious decision to leave. It was going to be hard to leave Charlie behind, but this was best for him. I had to keep him safe, and if I stayed here, the secret was bound to get out. There were whole groups in the Cullen's world that were dedicated to keeping vampires a secret, and if something happened to reveal it; they wouldn't stop with just me. Charlie would try to protect me, and then he'd die too. Maybe someday I'd be able to come back and let him meet his grandchild, but later when it was safe.

I packed some clothes, but I doubted I'd be able to wear most of them soon. I grabbed the cache of money I kept hidden in my room, and my ID's and passport. There was no telling how far I might have to go to find the Cullens. I took my favorite CD's and books, and some odds and ends that I wanted, but in the end I left with less than I brought with me when I first moved to Forks.

Was it really only nine months since I'd left Phoenix? My life had changed so drastically in such a short time.

I loaded my things into the truck, and then went back into the house to leave a note for Charlie. I couldn't tell him the truth, but I didn't want to lie to him either.

_Dad,_

_I can't stay in Forks anymore. I have to leave. I'll try and contact you once I get settled someplace. _

_Don't worry about me, I have to do this._

_Thanks for putting up with me for the last nine months._

_Love, Bella_

It was short and to the point. He'd assume I was leaving because of Edward, and in a way I was, but not for the reason he'd assume. I felt terrible writing the note, but I just couldn't stay here anymore. I had to protect my baby, and I had to get out of town to do it. I took one last look around, and then went out to my truck. I looked back at the small white two-story house where so much had happened, and then I started the truck and drove away.

There was one stop I still had to make in town, before I left for good. I drove to the Bank of America, and pulled into the lot and parked. I had a couple of hundred dollars in my emergency cash horde that I kept in my bedroom, but I had a little over four thousand dollars in my bank account that I had been saving for college. I knew it wasn't a good idea to carry a lot of cash while I was traveling, but a lot of businesses would only take local checks, and I didn't have a credit card.

I walked into the bank to close my account. Janet Stanley, Jessica's mom seemed to be waiting for me when I walked in. She had always been friendly, if a little nosy, and she was a bigger gossip than Jessica. I really didn't care today. I was leaving town, and she could tell whatever stories she wanted to.

"Hello, Bella, I wasn't expecting to see you so soon. I only sent you the letter yesterday. I'm surprised you got it so fast."

"You sent me a letter? I haven't received it yet, I guess. What was it about?"

Mrs. Stanley led me over to her desk and indicated that I should sit down. I sat in the leather chair in front of her desk, and then she went on.

"You've been awarded a scholarship. I just received the notification the other day, and sent you a letter to notify you."

"A scholarship? From who? Do you know where it came from?"

"I'm not really sure. I was hoping you'd have more information about it. I assumed that you had applied for it at school. Let me see, oh yes. Here's the form… The Mary Brandon Memorial Scholarship. Apparently they choose one deserving girl each year to award the scholarship to. You just need to sign this acknowledgement form, and the money is yours. The terms are very loose. You can spend it however you see fit."

"Money? How much money?"

I knew what this was, but I didn't know if this was really from Alice or if it was from Edward. Mary Alice Brandon had been Alice's name when she was human, but this could be Edward's way of funding plan B even though he was gone. I wanted to think it was Alice helping me out, because if I was leaving town, I was going to need money to get settled someplace.

"Let me see, there's a check here. The amount is twenty thousand dollars. That's a very generous amount. Just sign this form, and I can deposit it into your account."

Twenty thousand dollars would go a long way if I was careful about how I spent it, but I didn't want to carry that much cash with me. Maybe there was a solution to that. I'd noticed a small display on Mrs. Stanley's desk for a VISA travel debit card. It was advertised as the modern alternative to traveler's checks. You could use it anywhere you could use a VISA card like a credit card, but it was a reloadable debit card. It seemed like the perfect solution.

"Ok, let me see the form, but don't deposit it into my account. Can you put it onto one of these travel cards instead?"

"Why, yes, I can do that. Those cards have a maximum balance of twenty five thousand dollars, but it would earn interest in your savings account, and you should really save it until you decide on a school."

I signed the form and handed it back to her while she was talking.

"No, go ahead and put it on the card, and I'd like to close my account today too. Could you add the balance onto the card as well?"

"You're closing your account? Why?"

I didn't really need to give her a reason, but I might as well make an excuse. She happily spread it around town for me.

"I've decided to move to Florida to stay with my mom for a while. I need a change of scenery, and she's asked me to come live with her."

"Oh… Well, I guess that's for the best. You don't have to close your account, Bella. I can transfer the majority of your balance onto the card, so you can deposit it into a new account when you get to Florida. But if you leave the account open, your father can deposit money into it if you need it for school expenses. All you have to do is call us or go online, and you can transfer money out of your bank account, and onto the debit card."

It sounded like a good idea. There were more forms to sign, and I practically had to give my life story to sign up for the card. I was surprised she didn't ask for my thumb print in blood, but thirty minutes later I was walking out of the bank with a debit card in my wallet with a twenty-four thousand dollar balance. I used Mrs. Stanley's phone to activate the card and set a new pin number, and then I was good to go.

I drove north up North Forks Avenue, and stopped at the Shell station at the edge of town. I filled up the truck with gas, and then headed out of town for the last time. I drove up Highway 101 until I came to the turn off for the Cullens' house, and it was a good thing it was still early in the day. I would have missed it in the dark. The long serpentine drive seemed even more overgrown and hidden in the three weeks since I'd been here, and it didn't look like another vehicle had used the road in that time either.

I drove up to the big white house by the river, and it seemed so quiet and deserted, it was kind of creepy. It was ironic that it had seemed so warm and inviting when there were seven vampires living here. I pulled around to the door by the kitchen, and parked in front of the garage.

Alice had shown me where the spare key to the kitchen door was hidden. I went there first to see if the key was still hidden, and it was inside the bottom of the artificial rock in Esme's garden. I went to the back door, and let myself in.

The house looked almost exactly like it had that night three weeks ago. The furniture was still all there. The same books and magazines were laying on the tables in the living room. Some items were missing. Works of art, paintings, the big ticket valuables, personal items, those were gone. Otherwise, the house looked like they had stepped out for the day and would be returning anytime now.

It made sense. They had left in a hurry and only taken what they needed. Alice and Jasper had likely left the night of the party, and I was sure that Carlisle and Esme, and Rosalie and Emmett had most likely left the next day. Edward was probably worried that I would have appealed to the rest of the family before they got away. I was certain that he'd wanted to leave that first afternoon after the party, but I'd had to work, and he didn't want to break up with me in front of Charlie. We'd taken our walk in the woods the next afternoon, and then he was gone.

All of these things were replaceable if you had unlimited cash reserves. Besides, once things quieted down, they could always slip in here unnoticed and move out whatever they wanted. You could bring a moving van in here from off the highway, and nobody in Forks would even know about it if they didn't come into town.

I walked around downstairs, but I didn't find any clues to where they might have gone. Everything was neat and tidy, and there weren't any clues that I could see. I went upstairs to look around.

Carlisle's study was half empty. The paintings were gone, and half the shelves were empty of books. There was a scattering to travel brochures and magazines laid haphazardly across the desk, but there was too much information to get any kind of idea about where they had gone. Some of the destinations were domestic, like Rochester NY, Chicago Illinois, Hanover New Hampshire, and some destinations in Canada. There was a scattering of information for more exotic international destinations. They ranged from Siberia to Scotland, Paris to Rio de Janeiro.

For all I knew, they may have scattered to the four winds, and gone to several different locations, with plans to meet up together at some time in the future. I knew I couldn't stay here long. I'd have to be out of here and on the road well before Charlie got home from work. This was probably the first place he'd look for me. I knew he would, regardless of my note. He'd think I was distraught and making bad decisions, and want to bring me back home to calm down.

I searched the rest of Carlisle's study. I knew there were hidden cabinets behind the book cases along the side of the room. Edward had come down here to get a microscope one afternoon last year to show me something about our biology homework. There was an example in the book, but he said the picture was unclear, and he'd wanted to duplicate the example to show me first hand. He didn't think I was watching, but I saw him open the cabinet to get the instrument out.

I went to the book case, and easily found the latch to swing it out of the way. I opened it, but stopped short. The internal metal door was locked, and had a keypad on the surface to enter a code to open it. I could probably go look in the garage for tools to break in, but I didn't want to cause any damage, and I was dangerous with tools. I definitely didn't want to end up in the hospital now.

I decided to go check out the rest of the rooms first. Carlisle and Esme's room was next to the study, and I walked inside. My ruined shirt that I'd worn to the birthday party was still in the waste basket. That just confirmed to me how much haste the Cullens had been in when they left. Esme was an impeccable house keeper, and the house was always tidy and clean. She hadn't been here long enough to pick it up. There was nothing else to see there, so I walked across the hall to Alice and Jasper's room.

I walked into Alice's room, and I knew she had been back in the house since Edward had left. There was an envelope on her bed with my name on it. I picked up the envelope and sat down on the bed. I opened it, and there was a note inside.

_Bella,_

_I hope the money helps. You can use it for school or whatever you need. I'll try to find a way to send more if you need it._

_I know this is what you want. 411643._

_Be safe and follow the rules. _

_I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye, but Jazz needed me. I know we'll meet again._

_Sister's always,_

_Alice_

So the money was from Alice. That made me feel better about taking it. I didn't want Edward's pity, and he couldn't buy his way out of this. I'm sure she would have done more if she could, but she was risking a lot to do this much for me. I studied the note again.

'_I know this is what you want'_. She probably hadn't had a vision about this because I hadn't made any decisions. If she had, then Edward would have found out and tried to stop her from helping me. What did I want? What had I always wanted since I'd known the Cullens? I knew what the note meant.

Be safe and follow the rules. The vampire rules to guard the secret.

I walked back into Carlisle's study, and typed the six digit number into the keypad on the hidden metal cabinet. The red light on the keypad winked out, and the green light flicked on. There was a metallic clunk like heavy metal bolts sliding home. I grabbed the handle, and swung the heavy steel door open. There were several shelves inside the cabinet. There was some lab equipment, medical supplies, and vials of drugs. On the shelf in the middle of the cabinet was a tray with half a dozen of the large metallic syringes, seven actually. I'd seen one like this that night three weeks ago, and my fingers traced the healed cut on my arm.

I picked one up and examined it. It was marked with a printed label. The one in my hand read:

Venom

Donor: Carlisle Cullen

Extracted: 7/10/2001 – 8/12/2001

Expiration Date: 12/30/2003

I looked at the rest and they were similarly labeled, but they were each from a different member of the family.

Alice was giving me the choice. I could change and turn myself if I still wanted to. I had to assume that this was the reason Edward had left me. He couldn't love me anymore because he couldn't bring himself to turn me. He was willing to destroy everything that we had together because I wasn't like him, and he wouldn't willingly do that to me. Not as long as I had the chance to live a normal human life.

Now I could do it myself, but would he be able to love me when I was like him? Alice was giving me the chance to find out.

But Alice didn't know about the baby. She hadn't known I was pregnant when she left that note for me. Female vampires couldn't have children. I'd have to burn through the change, and if that didn't kill my baby, then my body wouldn't be able to change anymore to allow the baby to develop. If I wanted to do this, I was going to have to wait until after the baby was born, but I had two years to make up my mind now.

There was a black leather doctor's bag on one of the lower shelves. I opened it, and it had a variety of medical supplies inside, like a very advanced first aid kit. I took the seven syringes, and put them into the bag. I didn't want to disturb anything else, so I closed the cabinet, and the lock clicked shut when the door closed. I swung the book case back into place, took the black bag, and went back downstairs.

It was getting late, and I still had no clue where to look for the Cullens. I had to get on the road before Charlie started looking for me. I was eighteen, and legally an adult, so technically I wasn't a runaway. I could leave if I wanted too, and live where I wanted to live. He'd have to wait forty-eight hours before he could file a missing persons report, but that didn't mean he wouldn't search on his own. There were only two roads out of town, and it was a safe bet I'd head north. Until I got past Port Angeles, there was only one highway. After that, there were more ways to go, and once I took the ferry to cross the sound, it would take a miracle to catch me. It was still at least a three hour trip, maybe longer in my truck.

I couldn't hang out here. I had to leave unless I wanted Charlie to drag me back to Forks, or worse, have him catch me, and then have to tell him I was leaving to his face. I couldn't handle that, after what I'd done to him last spring when I ran from James. This was better. I'd call him and let him know I was alright once I figured things out.

I locked up the house, and got the truck headed north up Highway 101. I took it easy and just cruised under fifty miles an hour. A couple of cars passed me, but there wasn't much traffic out on an early Monday afternoon. It took me two hours to get to Port Angeles, and then another thirty minutes to get to Sequim.

I needed to make a pit stop, and I'd been thinking about some things I needed to pick up to make life a little easier. I drove to the Walmart, parked the truck, and went inside. First I went to the ladies room, and took care of business, and then I went back to the electronics department.

First I bought a prepaid cell phone. I got a decent one for about forty dollars, and then bought a prepaid service plan card with three months of unlimited service for another hundred and thirty five dollars. Three months might be overkill. I didn't know if I was going to be alive three months down the road, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about running out of minutes.

I had my address book with me, and once the phone was charged, I could program everyone's phone numbers in. I knew Charlie would have a heart attack if I didn't call soon, but he'd have to wait until at least tomorrow.

Next I looked around, and bought a decent laptop computer with wifi access for about five hundred dollars. I was going to need a computer. There were a lot of places where I could get free internet access with a wifi connection. A lot of coffee shops, restaurants, and bookstores offered free wifi internet access, as well as most public libraries, and hotels if you rented a room for the night.

I still had a lot of research to do. I didn't know anything about having a baby, and I was going to have to learn somewhere. I couldn't go to a doctor or clinic because my pregnancy wasn't normal and the differences would stand out to somebody with training and experience with pregnant women. Hopefully the information I could look up on the internet would help prepare me.

I bought car chargers for both the cell phone and the computer, and grabbed a Bluetooth head set for the phone. Finally, I picked up another couple of bags of pretzels, some bottled water, and I was ready to hit the road again. I plugged the phone in to charge, and got back on the highway headed for the ferry dock in Kingston.

I figured Charlie had to be home and had seen my note by the time I got to the ferry terminal in Kingston. I took the ferry to Edmonds, and then got on the I-5 freeway south through the heart of Seattle. I turned off onto interstate 90 headed east. I crossed Mercer Island, and drove through Eastgate, and decided to call it a night in Issaquah.

I got off the freeway to look for a place to stay for the night, and pulled into the Motel 6 parking lot. It shared a parking lot with an International House of Pancakes. I rented a room, and brought in the things I'd need for the night. I plugged the computer and cell phone in to charge, and then went to the IHOP to get some dinner.

I was totally famished, and ordered a huge omelet with pancakes on the side. I managed to keep it all down, and didn't feel sick for once. I went back to the room with the intention of setting up my new cell phone, and then checking out the computer. I only wanted to rest for a second. I took a minute to lie down on the bed. I was out like a light.

The next thing I knew, it was way past morning, and sunlight was streaming through the window. I looked at the clock radio on the nightstand next to the bed. Well, the good news was that my new phone and computer should be fully charged. The bad news was that it was after eleven o'clock. Almost two o'clock in the afternoon in fact, and I was going to be charged for another night when I checked out, whether I stayed or not.

Well, I was going to be charged for another night, I might as well stay and make use of the time. The hotel provided free internet access to guests, and I wanted to do some research anyhow. I still needed to setup the computer, and download files from my email. I didn't delete mail from my online email account, so all of my pictures, and anything I'd emailed to my self was still archived online.

I should email Renée, too. I was sure Charlie must have called her by now, and she was probably worried.

I needed to get out of bed and take a shower. Food sounded good too. Maybe after I was dressed I'd go back to the IHOP. Just like yesterday morning, a sharp pain hit my stomach when I moved to get out of bed.

I pushed away from the bed, my hand tight over my mouth and dashed into the bathroom. Last nights partially digested dinner spewed into the toilet as I crouched on the ceramic tiles to throw up.

This was not good at all, I thought to myself as I rinsed out my mouth and brushed my teeth. How long could I go on if I couldn't keep any solid food down? So far I'd thrown up practically everything I'd eaten since Sunday morning. This was Tuesday now. I was already skinny to begin with, and I didn't carry hardly any body fat to fall back on as a reserve. If I couldn't eat, I was going to get a lot sicker faster.

The food seemed alright as long as I was asleep, but as soon as I woke up I got sick again. The salty pretzels had stayed down and helped settle my stomach, but I couldn't live on pretzels for another nine weeks.

When my mouth tasted better, I searched through my bag for the Pepto-Bismol I'd picked up yesterday. I quickly found it and cracked the seal on the lid. I didn't have a spoon, so I just shook the bottle and drank some. It wasn't like I'd be sharing it with anyone.

The texture was kind of thick and unpleasant like I remembered, but I really didn't mind the light peppermint taste. I swallowed it down, and suddenly it was coming back. I was crouched over the toilet all over again as I was violently sick for the second time in less than a half an hour. Ok, Pepto-Bismol was out. No help there. I'd need to find another solution I mused as I dropped the bottle in the trash, and then brushed my teeth again.

The hunger was gnawing at my gut despite the fact that I had just been violently ill, and I felt fine now that I had voided the partially digested food that I'd eaten yesterday evening. I nibbled on a pretzel, and I seemed ok. I took a shower and got dressed, and walked across the parking lot to the IHOP and ordered a big plate of scrambled eggs and had a cup of coffee. I ate breakfast for lunch, and it seemed to agree with me. So far so good and I kept my fingers crossed as I walked back to the hotel.

I spent the rest of the afternoon setting up my cell phone and computer and then doing some research. I activated the service plan, now that the phone was charged, and then programmed the phone numbers from my address book into the phones memory. I didn't know when I'd ever be calling most of these people again, but at least I'd have the numbers if I ever needed them.

I tried the numbers I had for the Cullens. Most were already disconnected but some of them went to voice mail. I left messages and my new phone number in hopes that they'd contact me, but I didn't hold out any real hope.

I knew they'd respect Edward's wishes regarding me, and his number was disconnected. I wasn't going to lay out the whole pregnancy thing in a voice mail, and besides, I'd been warned long ago not to reveal any of their secrets in a phone call or email. You never knew who might be monitoring communications or who was listening in. Talking about the secret on the phone or in an email was tantamount to publishing the information for anyone who was sufficiently interested in looking for it.

The computer was next. It took some time to go through and setup all the various accounts involved with a new computer. I activated the virus protection and ran through the various registration pages and entered my information. Of course the computer had Internet Explorer installed by default, but I only used it long enough to get online and download Mozilla Firefox. I installed the software and upgraded to the latest version before I logged into my email account.

Edward had been very through in his attempt to erase himself from my life, but he hadn't managed to hack my email account yet. I downloaded copies of all of my pictures and letters to the hard drive on the laptop, so I'd have a backup if he ever did manage to hack my email.

Then I checked my inbox. I'd been avoiding looking at it, but I knew there were new messages. A lot of them.

I was right; Charlie had gotten home and found my note. I didn't typically get email from my dad. We'd lived in the same house, and before that he was more of a telephone call kind of guy. He'd pick up the phone if he had something to say, rather than sit down and type out a message.

Renée preferred to talk on the phone too, but it was long distance, and there was a three hour time difference so she'd gotten into the habit of emailing me, unless it was important. We'd chat on the weekends sometime still. I really missed my mom. She'd been my best friend until I moved to Forks, and the only reason I'd gone there in the first place was to give her a chance to be happy.

I had found happiness too, until it all came crashing down around me. I was starting to regain that happiness, and my world would soon be perfect again, once the baby was born. Except for my fears about the pregnancy and my worry for my baby's safety, I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and my life had meaning again.

Unfortunately, I was sick, and getting weaker. I didn't know if I'd be strong enough to bring my little nudger safely into the world, and if I did but something happened to me, who would raise my baby?

I needed help, but I didn't know who to turn to. Anyone I told besides the people who already knew my secrets would be put at risk, but I couldn't do this on my own. The Cullens were gone, and I had no way to contact them. I couldn't tell anyone about the pregnancy without explaining about vampires too.

I started reading through the e-mails from Charlie and Renée to get my mind off of my conundrum.

Charlie knew I'd cleaned out my bank account, and he knew about the money I'd gotten from Alice, but he assumed it was a legitimate scholarship. He was upset that I was using it to leave town. He'd gone to the Cullen's looking for me, and he knew I'd been there, but he hadn't gone inside the house. He was a cop, and he must have recognized the tire tracks or something, but there was no sign of a break in, and he didn't have probable cause to search the house. He didn't have access to my bank records either, but I was sure Janet Stanley wasn't keeping any secrets for me. At least he didn't mention the pregnancy test that I'd bought at the Thriftway yet.

He begged me to come back, and he'd try to help me work things out, but I knew I couldn't do that. Charlie would be in danger, and too many people in Forks knew me. I wouldn't be able to hide what was going on. Somebody would notice and the word would spread.

Renée's emails were frantic. She blamed herself for not coming out that first week after the break up and forcing me to go to Jacksonville with her. She wanted me to call her, and then she wanted to know if I was really on my way out to Florida on my own, driving cross country in my ancient Chevy pickup.

I sent them both emails telling them I was ok. I was pretty sure they couldn't trace the email without a court order, and that would take some time. I'd have to be declared missing first, but if I was communicating with them, then I wasn't missing. I just didn't want to be found. I told them I'd call soon. I didn't think they could trace the cell phone without a court order either, but I wanted to put some more distance between me and Forks before I called either of them.

I spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening doing research on pregnancy and child birth. There were surprisingly quite a few things I could do to try and help avoid morning sickness. Get out of bed slowly. Ok, worth a try. Avoid greasy fried foods. I thought back to the chicken, yes I would be avoiding that. Salty snacks and crackers helped, so I was on the right track with the pretzels. Eat what you want when you wanted it, and go with your cravings. Eat frequent smaller meals and have high protein snacks. So I was on the right track with eggs. It would be hard to avoid drinking fluids with meals, but if it helped me avoid dashing to the toilet to vomit, then I'd do it.

I ate a couple of pretzels before I slowly and carefully got up from the desk, and I seemed to be ok. I went back to the IHOP again for dinner and just had a plate of scrambled eggs again. I'd managed to keep that down this afternoon, and I was craving eggs anyhow.

I made it back to the motel ok, and this time I called down to the front desk and left instruction for a nine o'clock wake up call. I brushed my teeth and went to bed. I was excited that I was doing better, and so far had managed to keep two meals down. If I kept going like this, then maybe I had a chance. I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

The ringing noise eventually woke me up. I had no idea how long the phone had been ringing, or if it was even the first time they'd tried to call. I picked up the phone, and it was an automated call service message that this was my wake up call. I looked at the clock, and it was quarter after nine.

I was startled and didn't think. I jerked upright and swung my legs over the side of the bed.

Mistake.

My stomach lurched, and I clamped my hand over my mouth as I dashed to the bathroom to be violently ill again. It was mostly colorless liquid that spewed into the toilet, so maybe I had gotten some nutritional value from my last two meals.

I knew the food had to pass out of my stomach and into the intestinal tract for my body to absorb the nutrients out of it. The longer I could keep it down the better, even if it was all going back out the way it came in. Some of it had to make its way into the intestines if I kept it down long enough.

This constant battle with the morning sickness was taking its toll on my body in other ways too. My ribs and back ached, and my stomach and lower torso muscles were sore from the repeated violent involuntary contractions that were racking through my body at semi-regular infrequent intervals. It was like I was doing heavy exercise with muscles I didn't normally use because I was. I wondered if I could keep Tylenol or ibuprofen down long enough to give me any kind of relief. I'd have to pick some up and try.

I rinsed out my mouth and brushed my teeth. I took a shower and got dressed, and I felt fine again despite my aches and pains. I was hungry too, but I knew I had to be more careful and take it easy. I gnawed on a couple of pretzels while I packed up my things and loaded them into the truck, and then gave the room a once over to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. I went to the front desk and checked out, and then went to the IHOP again for breakfast.

I got back onto Interstate 90 heading east again when I finished my scrambled eggs.

I'd called Charlie later that day while I was on the road. I had the Bluetooth headset, so I could talk on the phone hands free while I was driving. It wasn't dangerous. There was no traffic out here in the middle of nowhere, and I wasn't pushing the truck past fifty as I slowly cruised cross country.

"_Chief Swan._"

"Hey, dad, it's Bella."

"_Bella! Where are you? Please come back home, we can work this out._"

"I can't do that, dad. I just wanted to call you to tell you that I'm alright, so you don't worry."

"_Of course I'm going to worry! This is about Edward, isn't it? You know they didn't go to LA. Are you trying to find him?_"

"No, dad, I'm not really looking for him. I knew it was a lie when they said they were going to LA, that's the last place they'd go. If I knew where the rest of his family was, I'd go to them, but I don't know where to look for them."

"_Agnes Bailey is saying that you bought a pregnancy test from the Thriftway last Monday morning. You stayed home from school that day because you were throwing up, but you didn't have a fever..." _

"_I knew about him sneaking into the house at night... I know what you were doing with Edward, Bella. I'm not mad at you. I looked the other way because the two of you seemed so serious. I thought he was the one for you. I'm mad at myself for being so naive. I should have known better and done something or said something. Did he get you in trouble and then take off? Is that what this is all about?_"

"It's not like that, dad. Edward doesn't know. He didn't run out on me because he didn't want to own up to his responsibility. I didn't know until they were gone."

"_So you are pregnant. Jesus, Bella, come home and let me help you! You don't have to go through this all alone. You need medical care… you need to see a doctor…_"

"I can't do that, dad. Don't worry, I'll find a safe place and I'll handle this, but I can't come back to Forks. Please don't tell mom. I want to tell her myself when I'm ready, and I know what to say."

"_Fine, I won't say anything to Renée, but at least tell me where you are…_"

"I'm still traveling, but I won't say where. Don't try to find me, dad. I'll let you know when it's safe."

"_When it's safe? What kind of trouble are you in, Bella, besides being pregnant and alone? I thought you were looking for Edward. What are you running from?_"

"Maybe someday I'll be able to explain. I can't discuss it on the phone. I love you, dad."

"_I love you too, Bells. Please think about coming home. I know this is a small town, and people talk, but it won't be that bad. You can get the care you need here. I can keep you safe…_"

"I'm sorry, dad, I can't. I love you. I'll call again when I can. Bye dad." I ended the call.

The phone call to Renée was about the same. She was more frantic and worried, and she assumed I was chasing after Edward. She didn't know I was pregnant, and Charlie hadn't said anything to her about his fears. Hopefully he would keep quiet like he had promised until I was ready to tell Renée myself.

I crossed Washington State, and drove through Spokane. I passed through Idaho at the narrow part of the state up north, and then crossed into Montana. I'd made it as far as Billings, and I'd been on the road for a week now.

I wasn't getting any better. The morning sickness was worse, and I could barely eat solid food now without getting sick to my stomach almost immediately. Some things were better than others. I still craved eggs, and I could keep those down the longest. I'd never been a big chocolate fan, but I was surprisingly attracted by the scent of it now, although it didn't stay down any better than the eggs did. I was considering trying some cold cuts or lunch meat for snacks. A website had recommended something cold and protein for a snack, and I figured I could kill two birds with one stone. It was worth a try.

I was sitting in a small coffee shop with an espresso bar. The scents were surprisingly soothing to me, and I was sipping a hot cocoa while I took advantage of the free internet service. I was looking at a map of the United States, tracing my route so far, and considering potential destinations. I was disappointed with how far I had actually traveled so far, and that I had so far yet to go. I think it was about then that I finally realized I'd had a destination in the back of my mind ever since I'd left the Cullen's house in Forks and knew I had no chance of finding them.

I was going home. I was going to Renée, because I needed my mother, but she was in Jacksonville, Florida. I was only a third of the way there, and I'd been on the road for a week. I could get there faster if I abandoned the truck and flew, but I didn't really want to go to Florida. I was only going there because that's where Renée was. I was going to have to pick up the pace if I was going to make it to Florida before I was too sick to travel anymore.

I finished my cocoa, and it was time to go. I had spent the night here in a hotel last night, but I'd learned my lesson and had called down to the desk to leave instructions for a wakeup call. I was in what appeared to be a renovated business district just north of downtown. There were nightclubs, bars, and hotels along the main drag, and a variety of specialty shops, stores and different businesses on the surrounding streets.

I had made some preparations to leave town, and had bought a cooler at an army navy surplus store that carried camping gear and supplies. If I was going to buy some cold cuts to snack on, then I'd need something to store them in. I would have preferred to buy the gel cold packs to avoid the mess of having to drain water off the ice, but I didn't have a way to freeze them. I'd compromised and bought some sealable containers to use inside the cooler.

My clothes were getting tighter too, and I bought some sweat pants, sweatshirts, and some oversized tee shirts that were looser fitting and more comfortable. The next time I spotted a Walmart I was seriously going to have to browse the maternity section for a couple of pair of pants and some tops. Of course I didn't have months and months of pregnancy to worry about. Another four or five weeks, and one way or another, this would be over.

There was a specialty meat and butcher shop down the block that advertised a deli and an assortment of specialty sausages. I was headed there now to see if any of the meats appealed to me so I could buy some for snacks and then get back on the road. I walked into the shop and smelled the most appealing scent I had smelled in the last week. Even scrambled eggs were turning my stomach now if I didn't hold my breath when I tried to eat them, but this scent made my mouth water and caused my stomach to growl with hunger. It was like a sudden craving, and I had to find out what it was.

I followed my nose past the deli and the display cases with cold meats and hanging sausages into the butcher shop where the fresh meats were processed. There was a butcher behind the back counter wearing a long white apron and a tall white hat. He was wrapping up an order for a customer, and there were a bunch of white plastic open containers on a counter behind him. They were the kind of plastic containers that you'd see in the meat section sometimes with organ meat and various strange odds and ends like kidneys and calf brains packaged in them that most people ignored except to wonder who actually bought that stuff. Apparently those containers were the source of the smell.

The butcher was done with the order, and the lady at the counter walked away. He turned to me with a smile on his face.

"Can I help you, Ma'am?" The butcher addressed me. I was a little surprised, but I guess I was showing now and I suppose it would have been impolite to address me as Miss, considering my condition.

"I'm just browsing, right now. I was wondering, what is in those containers? I'm not familiar with the smell coming from them."

"I'm sorry, most people don't even notice it, but it can get a little strong in here when we're processing a batch. It's pork blood. We save it when we butcher hogs. One of the local restaurants offers several Filipino dishes on their menu. They use it in Pork Dinuguan. It's a pork blood stew, a kind of savory stew of blood and simmered meat in a rich spicy gravy. We use it to make Polish blood sausage, and we offer some for sale too for people who use it in recipes like black pudding."

I was kind of surprised that people actually used blood in recipes for food that normal people ate, but it kind of made sense. I'd heard it said before that people had a use for every part of a pig but the squeal. I had always just figured that the blood was used to make fertilizer or something, like the bone meal that the bones were ground up for.

I was even more surprised and a little shocked that I found the scent appealing and it made me hungry. I had always had an aversion to the scent of blood. I had practically passed out and had to be escorted out of the classroom to go to the nurse last year in biology and all we were doing was pricking our fingers to get a drop of blood to type test. There were a dozen quart containers sitting open on the counter not five feet away, and my mouth was watering while my stomach growled with hunger.

In a crazy kind of logic, I suppose it made sense. The Cullens had been surviving on a diet of animal blood for decades, even centuries. I was pregnant with Edward's baby, and he was a vampire. The baby was half vampire, and it was only logical that the baby would probably need blood to survive. Every website I'd looked at said to give your body what it wanted and feed your cravings. Suddenly I was craving blood. Besides, it was a good source of protein and very nutritious, so it would most likely help me keep my strength up if I could keep it down.

All of this had flashed through my mind in a matter of seconds, and I knew what I had to do.

"Oh, that's ok. I don't mind the smell. Is that part of an order for that restaurant, or were you getting ready to put some out? I think I'd like to try some of those recipes."

"No, these are all for sale. How much would you like?" He eyed me like I was a little nuts, but then I suppose I was. I could tell he didn't really care, he was there to sell a product, and I was the customer.

"I'll take four of those containers, please. Do you have a way to seal them so they don't spill open before I get them home?"

"Sure, not a problem. Let me just finish up here, and then I'll ring this up for you."

The butcher finished filling the containers, and then snapped on the lids. He wrapped them with tape so the lids wouldn't come off, and then placed four of the containers on the counter for me. He rang up the purchase, and I was surprised how cheap it was. The containers were only a couple of dollars each, and it was less than ten dollars with tax.

"Do you have this available often? I asked as he placed the containers in a box for me.

"Well, actually you got lucky today. We only have the liquid blood available on slaughter days. If it doesn't sell right away, the same day, then we either coagulate it into cakes and sell it to the ethnic Asian markets, or freeze it. If you need more in the fresh liquid form, it's best to call ahead to see when we're going to be slaughtering."

"Thank you, that's good to know. I'll keep that in mind." I took my box and left.

I went back to the truck and put three of the containers in the cooler on ice, but left one in the box sitting on the seat beside me. I drove away from the butcher shop, because I didn't want them to see what I was going to do, and headed back towards the freeway. My stomach was rumbling with hunger, and the drool was practically running down my chin I was so hungry with that container of fresh pig blood sitting on the seat next to me. I pulled into a gas station convenience store, and parked at the end of the building away from the windows.

I knew I had to try this, but I wanted a bathroom to be available if I got sick and threw up. Besides, I didn't want to be driving while I experimented with this. Nobody was parked near me, and there wasn't anyone walking around. I picked up the container and pulled the tape off that sealed the lid on. I snapped off the lid and the brilliant red color made me wish I had a straw even though my stomach rumbled and it smelled delicious.

I paused; I was at a convenience store, wasn't I? I could get a straw if it made this easier. I snapped the lid back on, and got out and went into the store. I grabbed a bag of pretzels, a straw, and an opaque plastic lid that looked about the right size. I went to the counter and bought the pretzels, and they didn't even charge me for the lid and straw, since I'd bought something.

I went back out to the truck, and swapped lids on the container, and the cup lid fit. I pushed in the plastic straw.

I put the straw between my lips.

I took a sip.

It was heaven in a cup.

I had never tasted anything so divine and satisfying. It settled my stomach and the nausea finally went away. I took a bigger drink, and I realized just how ravenously hungry I really was. I drank and drank, and soon I was pulling air through the straw as I drained the cup. I was still hungry, and I wanted more, but I decided to wait and see if I really kept this down.

I pulled out of the convenience store parking lot and got back on the freeway.

I kept the blood down, and it made me feel stronger, but it made the baby stronger too. I was four weeks along now, and based on my symptoms, I figured I was at about the half way point, or equal to about week twenty in a normal pregnancy.

I was only a weak human girl, and I was carrying a half vampire baby, a very strong half vampire baby who was really making himself known now. I could feel him popping me with his feet or fists whenever he felt like turning or twisting around, which seemed to happen more at night than any other time of day. I had the bruises to prove just how strong he was. My swelling belly was covered in the black and blue markings that seemed to spread from the inside out.

I was pushing the truck harder to try and make the trip faster now, but I had to stop in Alzada. It was a tiny speck of a town with a convenience store and a couple of truck stops in the far southeast corner of Montana close to the Wyoming border.

The baby kicked me but good and it must have cracked a couple of ribs. It was hard to breathe and move around, but I kept on going. I bought a roll of athletic tape in the convenience store of one of the truck stops. I rented a tiny cabin at a road side motel and managed to tape up my ribs. I took a small handful of ibuprofen that I washed down with the last of the pig blood I'd bought in Billings, and I slept for a day and a half before I regained consciousness.

I could move around again when I finally woke up, but I was stiff and sore, and my ribs ached. I filled up the truck with gas and got back on the road. I needed to get to a bigger town so I could find a wifi hotspot for internet access. I needed to find a local full service butcher shop and meat market or a slaughter house to buy more blood.

I needed to get to Renee soon too. I realized I was only at the halfway point in the pregnancy, and I only had four or five more weeks before the baby came. I loved my little nudger, but he was beating the hell out of my body from the inside out, and I wasn't going to be able to keep traveling like this for much longer. I should probably be on bed rest now, but if I couldn't take care of myself, I was going to need somebody to help me.

I had already figured out that if I made it to Renee, I was going to have to come clean and tell her everything, but I had to do it face to face. I couldn't do it on the phone. I was going to need more blood. A lot more blood, and if I was stuck in bed flat on my back, somebody was going to have to go buy it.

I crossed the border into Wyoming, and drove across the far northeast corner of the state before crossing into South Dakota. I stopped in Belle Fourche, a small town about the size of forks, or possibly slightly larger.

I rented a room at the Super 8 motel, and then checked the yellow pages in the local phone book for butchers and full service specialty meat markets. I lucked out and found a listing for Integrity Meats. They were a full service butcher, and processed wild game and farm raised livestock for local farmers. They had a hog scheduled for slaughter tomorrow morning, and said I could have the blood if I wanted to come down and haul it away. I told them to leave it fresh, and not to add salt or coagulate it, and if they had containers to store it, I'd pay them to package it for me. The butcher was happy to oblige, and we came to a price for the packaging and handling. I told him I'd be down tomorrow at ten to pick it up.

A full grown hog ready for market would be somewhere around 250 pounds or more. I did a little checking online, and a hog that size would yield close to two gallons of blood, give or take a bit. That should be enough to get me by for better than a week. I made sure to call the front desk to setup a wake up call, and then I crashed. I took a shower and got into bed, and I was out before my head hit the pillow.

I recognized the ringing noise now that woke me up. I was used to getting a wake up call in the hotels I stayed in. It had been ringing for a long time if it was even the first time they'd tried to call. I picked up the phone, and an exasperated receptionist told me this was my wake up call. I thanked her and looked at the clock. It was ten minutes after nine. I was getting better at this.

I slowly and cautiously got out of bed and made my way into the bathroom to take a shower and brush my teeth. I got dressed and packed up my things, and went to the front desk to check out. I got in the truck, and drove to the butcher shop, and they had my order ready to go.

It must have been a big hog. There were nine quart containers of blood. I paid the butcher for packaging the blood for me, and loaded eight of the containers into the coolers and left one on the seat for breakfast. I'd gotten ice from the ice machine at the hotel, and I dumped it around the containers to keep them cool and fresh while I was on the road.

The butcher was curious about why I wanted the blood. It was obvious I was packed for a trip, and my truck had out of state plates. I could tell he was curious why a pregnant girl was buying pig blood while she was on a trip. I told him I was on my way to visit my aunt in Rapid City, and we were going to make blood sausage according to an old family recipe. He seemed to accept my explanation, and I thanked him and got on the road.

I was pushing the truck a lot harder than I ever had when I was living in Forks. If Edward had tried to drive my truck like this, I would have been yelling at him to take it easy, but I was in a hurry now. I knew my time was short. Another week tops, maybe less, and I wouldn't be able to travel like this. I wanted to at least get across South Dakota today. I figured I could make Sioux Falls by nightfall, and then get a room to crash for the night. If I stayed on schedule, tomorrow I'd skirt down the border between Iowa and Nebraska past Omaha, and then continue south into Missouri following the course of the Missouri river. I could be in Kansas City by tomorrow night, and be In Jacksonville in another three days. I could be in Florida in another five days on the road if my luck held out.

I should have known better than to get my hopes up. When had my luck ever held out?

It was only about fifty miles to Rapid City from Belle Fourche. I was about ten miles from Rapid City when the truck started wheezing more than normal. I backed off and slowed down, but it didn't help. The temperature gage started to climb and steam was coming out from under the hood. I didn't want to stop in the middle of nowhere and tried to make it into town. That was probably a mistake. The engine started to rattle, and I was losing power. I was about five miles from Rapid City, South Dakota when the truck wheezed its final wheeze and the engine died. I stepped on the clutch, and coasted onto the shoulder of the road, and turned on the emergency flashers. I tried to start it again, but it was dead and just rattled and banged when it tried to start.

Well, thank god for unlimited nationwide 411 service. I got out my cell phone and called information to get the number for a towing service in Rapid City. The operator found a listing for a tow service and connected me. I explained where I was to the dispatcher, and they told me they'd send out a tow truck. I suppose I got pretty good service. A tow truck showed up about an hour later, and hooked up my truck, and towed me into Rapid City.

Rapid City was a fairly large town. It was at least as big as Port Angeles, probably a lot bigger, but I only saw where the tow truck drove me. There was a regional airport outside of town to the east, and Ellsworth Air Force Base to the northeast.

The tow truck driver asked me where I wanted to go, and I told him to tow me to a garage so I could get the truck looked at. He towed my truck into town for me, and unhooked it in the lot at pro auto care. He helped me unload all of my belongings, and I stacked my bags on top of the coolers in the waiting room at the auto shop. I paid the tow truck driver, and then went to go talk to the mechanic about my truck.

He asked me what had happened, and I explained how the truck had died. He got it pushed into the shop, and he went out to take a look at it. I guess it didn't take him long to figure out what was wrong, but he wanted to be thorough.

It was bad news. The engine was blown. He could put time into doing a formal repair quote, but there would be an additional charge for that. Off the top of his head, he figured it would cost close to two thousand dollars to buy a rebuilt engine if he could find one. For a truck this old, he might need to try and find a used engine and have it rebuilt. Then it would cost close to another thousand dollars to have the engine installed. If I wanted him to put the time and effort into doing it, I was looking at a minimum of three thousand dollars, but he wouldn't be sure until he put together a formal quote. That was the good news. If I had him do the work, it was going to take at least three weeks to hunt down all the parts, and another week to do the job. I couldn't sit around for a month waiting for my truck to get fixed.

I told him to wait on putting the formal quote together, and I'd call in a day or two and let him know what I wanted to do. I looked up a cab company in the yellow pages in the waiting room, and called a cab.

I had the cab driver help me load my things into the trunk of the cab, and then I asked him if there was a Walmart in town. He said yes, and I asked him to take me to a hotel by the Walmart. He asked which one I wanted to go to, but I just told him to head that direction, and I'd let him know when we got closer. At first, I was going to tell the driver to take me to the motel 6, but he drove past it and I could see more hotels on the street. There was a Comfort Inn almost next door to the Walmart, but I saw another couple of smaller motels across the street from the Walmart Super Center.

I told the driver to pull into the Dakota Pines Inn, and had him wait while I went in to see about a room. I asked for a room on the ground floor, because it was getting harder for me to get around and there was no elevator at the small motel. I didn't need a lot of amenities, as long as there was a bed, a shower and wifi internet access. I got the room card key and had the driver help me carry my things inside. I paid him, and then I was on my own again.

There was a mini fridge in the room and I transferred the pig's blood from the cooler into the fridge. I left one out and warmed it in the microwave oven, and then swapped the lid and started sucking it up through my straw. I was moving around the room getting my things situated. I didn't know what I was going to do now. I was stuck in Rapid City, South Dakota. I could buy a car and keep driving, buy a bus ticket to keep going or abandon my blood supply and fly.

I was sitting on the edge of the bed thinking about my options when I finished my cup of blood. I reached over to set it on the nightstand, when the baby decided he was restless and stretched and kicked hard.

I heard the snap and felt the pain shoot through my chest as my rib broke. My back arched in pain and I flopped on the bed like a broken rag doll as the darkness closed in around me and I blacked out from the pain.

I didn't know how long I had been unconscious, or if I had simply drifted into my normal coma like sleep at some point while I was out. The need to relieve the pressure in my bladder finally forced me awake before I had an accident and soiled my clothes and ruined the bed cover. I managed to get my body to move off the bed and hobble into the bathroom to answer natures call.

I took stock of my condition, and used the rest of the roll of athletic tape to reinforce where I could feel the broken rib. I was still alive, and I wasn't coughing up blood, so it must not have punctured anything critical or ruptured a lung. If I was careful, I should be ok until the baby was born, but I had to face the facts. I still had a long ways to go with the pregnancy until the baby was born, and he was going to keep getting bigger and stronger before he was born. I wasn't going to make it out of this alive… or at least not human...

Emmett, Rosalie and Esme had all been in pretty rough shape when they were turned. Rosalie had been left for dead in the street when Carlisle found her. Emmett had been mauled by a bear and was near death when he was turned. Esme had jumped off of a cliff, and she was so bad off that they had taken her body directly to the morgue, assuming that she was already dead. Carlisle had been able to save her because her heart was still beating. The venom had healed her injuries as it changed her. As long as my heart kept beating, I could still be turned, but somebody was going to have to inject the venom into my blood.

My trip was over. I couldn't travel on my own anymore. I didn't have the strength to go shopping to buy a car to keep going, let alone try and drive cross country. Another kick like that last one and I could black out behind the wheel and wreck the car. One look at me, and the rest of the passengers on a bus or airplane would call 911 for an ambulance. There was only one option left. I got out my cell phone and dialed the number.

**Author's Note:**

As you might have noticed in this chapter, this is currently taking place in October of 2001, as opposed to 2005/2006 in typical Twilight Canon. I suppose that makes this AU, but then the subject matter and storyline already deviates from canon. It just makes it easier for me later down the road in this story. So yeah, some of this stuff she bought might not have technically been available for sale in 2001, but its fiction, so roll with it.

If you liked this, please review and let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4 Black Hills

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **BPOV (Bella), Bella starts the story. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 4 Black Hills

_There was only one option left. I got out my cell phone and dialed the number._

I knew it was dark out, but I didn't know if it was morning or night or how long I had been out of it. I looked at the clock on the night stand, and realized it was very early in the morning. I had checked into the motel around three in the afternoon I assumed on yesterday afternoon. That sounded about right, if I'd been passed out for thirteen or fourteen hours.

The phone rang for a while before somebody picked up.

"_Hello, Dwyer Residence._" The slightly groggy sleepy voice said. It was the most wonderful sound I had heard in a long time.

"Hi mom…"

"_Bella? Where are you, baby?_" Suddenly she sounded awake and alert.

"Mom, I need you to promise me you won't tell Charlie where I am…"

"_Baby, we just want to help you!_"

"Promise me mom… please…"

"_Alright, I won't tell Charlie._"

"Mom, I've been trying to get to you, but I'm sick and hurt. I can't travel anymore. I need you mom. Will you come help me?"

"_Of course I'll come help you! Now tell me where you are! What's going on?_"

"I'm stuck in Rapid City, South Dakota. My truck broke down, and I had to have it towed to a garage. The motors blown and it'll cost more to fix it than Charlie paid for it in the first place. I could buy another used car, but I can't travel anymore. I need you to come out here mom."

"_Where are you? Are you in a safe place?_"

"Yes, I took a cab to a motel and rented a room. I'm at the Dakota Pines Inn, right across the street from the Walmart Supercenter."

"_Ok, give me your phone number. I'm going to find out when the first flight out there is. Don't worry, Bella. I'll be there just as soon as I can. Then we'll figure out what to do next._"

"Thanks' mom I love you." I gave her my cell phone number. "If you call me back, let the phone ring until I pick up. Sometimes it takes me a while to wake up or make it to the phone."

"_Ok, Bella, Stay safe and I'll get there as soon as I can. I'll call you when I'm on my way. You rest and stay safe, baby._"

"Bye, mom. I love you." The call ended.

Now I had to wait. We'd figure this out together when Renée got here.

I went to the desk and got out my computer to find out more about where I had ended up on my trip cross country. I was going to be here for a while now, unless Renée had a better idea, but I was going to have to bring her up to speed on current events before she could make an informed decision.

Actually this was probably a pretty good spot for me to hole up, all things considered. Rapid City was a good sized city with a population of close to six hundred thousand. Not huge like Seattle, Phoenix, or LA, but it had all the modern amenities that I might need. Ample shopping, a university and a hospital, although I doubted I'd need either of those in the immediate future. There was a regional airport nearby. It was twenty or thirty minutes travel from Black Hills National Forest, and there were several small communities deeper in the forested hill country. If we could find a secluded cabin or house back in the forest someplace, I'd be good for a while, as long as it was far enough away from people.

I got some blood out of the fridge, heated it in the microwave, and relaxed on the bed while I drank my breakfast. I lay humming my lullaby to myself as I absently rubbed my swollen belly, and I drifted off to sleep again.

I woke up to my cell phone ringing. It was the first time I had received a call, and I was unfamiliar with the sound. I had no idea how long it had been ringing, or even if it was the first call. I found the phone and flipped it open to answer it.

Light was streaming into the room around the closed curtains. I looked at the clock and it was late afternoon.

"Hello?" I answered the phone groggily.

"_Bella! Are you alright? The phone rang forever! I thought I had the wrong number! This was the third time I tried to reach you!_"

"I'm fine mom. I was sleeping. It's really hard for me to wake up sometimes. Where are you?" I asked as I yawned.

"_I'm in St. Paul, Minnesota waiting for my connecting flight. It's supposed to start boarding in another forty minutes. You sound so tired, baby. Have you been getting any sleep?_"

"God, mom, it feels like all I've been doing is sleeping. I'm so tired all the time. When I wasn't driving or forcing myself to stay up to do research on the computer, I've been asleep. Either asleep or throwing up, but that's been getting better lately."

"_Asleep or throwing up? What's going on, Bella?_"

"I can't tell you on the phone, mom. I'll explain when you get here."

"_Is this about Edward? What did he do to you? I thought you were trying to chase after him at first, but Charlie said you weren't trying to find him._"

"I can't talk about it on the phone, mom. You didn't tell Charlie anything, did you? I don't want him involved in this."

I didn't want either of my parents involved in this, but I needed help, and Renée had been through pregnancy and child birth before. She might be a kindergarten teacher, but she had first aid training and had tried out a lot of different careers in her lifetime. She had trained as a midwife for a while until something else caught her interest and she moved on to the next big idea. She'd been raised on a farm, and could be practical when she wasn't flying from one hobby to the next.

Grandpa Higgenbotham had been very independent and self sufficient. He had done as much of his own veterinarian work on the farm as he could, and had only called the doc for emergencies and surgery. Mom had helped him until she ran off and married my dad. Grandpa had wanted her to go to veterinary school, and he'd been disappointed when she became a teacher instead.

Charlie would have taken one look at me, and called 911. I was hoping Renée would at least listen to me before she did something rash and got us both killed.

"_No, I haven't talked to Charlie. Why can't you talk about it on the phone, Bella?_"

"I just can't. I'll explain everything when you get here, mom, Ok?"

"_I'm coming to get you, and then we're going home. I knew I never should have let you go to live with your father. I'll be there later tonight, and then tomorrow we're going back to Florida._"

"We'll talk about that when you get here, mom. That's not going to work, but wait until you hear everything before you jump to conclusions. Ok? I know you're more open minded than Charlie, so let me tell you everything first when you get here."

"_Ok, I'll listen, but this is going to have to be good to change my mind. I called the school and told them I had a family emergency. They said they'd get a sub for the rest of the week. You're my first concern, baby. I have to keep you safe, but I need to get back to my kids too._"

"I'm really sorry mom. I hate to drag you away from your life. I wouldn't ask you to come if I had anyone else to turn to. I'm so sorry, mom, but I need you."

"_It's ok, Bella. I'll be there tonight, and we can talk everything out. You get some rest, you sound terrible. I love you, Bella._"

"I love you too, mom. Bye." I ended the call.

I took a shower and got another cup of blood. Now that I was feeding my craving, I wasn't as famished as I had been at first, and I just finished off the container I'd opened this morning. I turned on the TV, but I fell asleep flipping through the channels to see what was on.

I woke up to the sound of the cell phone ringing again. It was dark out, and then somebody was knocking on the door. I got up slowly and carefully and hobbled over to the door. I looked out the peep hole, and Renée was standing outside the door. There was a cab waiting behind her in the parking lot with the motor running, and I sighed in relief. I unlocked the door to let her in.

"Hi, mom."

She stared at me, speechless in shock, and then went and paid the cab driver. He got her bag out of the trunk. She came back and walked into the room and I shut the door behind her while she set her bag down. I carefully sat back down on the bed and Renée sat down in the chair by the desk.

"God, Bella, you're pregnant! I thought I taught you better than this! Didn't you use protection?"

"Edward was supposed to be sterile. We all thought it was impossible for him to have children. His father was a Doctor. He thought it was impossible. There was no reason to even think about protection. He didn't have any diseases, and he couldn't have children. We were kind of a special situation. A one in a billion shot that couldn't happen. Just my luck to beat the odds."

Renée was startled, then she started firing off a rapid fire string of questions, asking the next before I ever had a chance to respond.

"Ok, so why didn't Charlie tell me? Where the hell is Edward? He only left a couple of weeks ago. Did he just take off and abandon you? Why the hell did Charlie let you take off in your condition? God what are you, about five and half maybe six months? What did the doctor tell you? When are you due?"

"It's not like that, mom. I told you this was a special situation. Edward doesn't know. Charlie didn't know I was pregnant when I ran. He figured it out because the gossips in Forks found out I bought a pregnancy test at the drug store in town."

"How could they not know? They aren't blind, and neither of them is stupid. You had to be showing if you're this far along…"

"I'm not that far along, mom. Well, I am, but this isn't a normal pregnancy. You need to keep an open mind while I explain what's going on. You know I wouldn't lie to you. I wouldn't make up stories about something as Important as this. I'll tell you the truth, but if I do, your life will depend on keeping the secret. If the truth got out, there are people that would hunt me down and kill me. If I tell you, and the secret gets out, they'll hunt us both down and kill us. You understand how important this secret is, right? If you don't want to get involved, I'll understand, and you can go. You need to know that before I tell you anything else."

"Bella, I'm your mother! I'm not going to walk out of here and go home and leave you here like this. If you say it's that important, then I'll keep your secret, but tell me what the hell is going on! What did you get yourself involved in?"

"Ok, mom, I'll tell you, but you have to believe me that this is the truth. Edward isn't exactly human, mom…"

"What! What do you mean not human? I thought it was odd how the whole family was movie star gorgeous and all so young… What are they if they aren't human? Space aliens or something?"

"No, He used to be human, mom." I took a deep breath, and then I said it. "Edward is a vampire, mom."

"A vampire! Bella have you seen a doctor recently? You look terrible. Are you sure you aren't a little delusional or maybe in denial? I know you were very distraught when Edward left you. It had to be even more traumatic given your condition…"

"Listen to me Renée! I am not delusional, distraught, or in denial! I told you to keep an open mind! I told you Charlie and Edward didn't know, because I wasn't showing yet. I'm not five or six months pregnant, I'm five weeks pregnant! I didn't have sex with Edward until my birthday! That was September thirteenth! I was a virgin before that!"

"What! You mean to tell me that the bastard walked out on you two days after he had sex with you for the first time?"

"He was trying to keep me safe. He said I didn't belong in his world. He told me he didn't want me anymore… He was tired of trying to pretend to be human. He said I wasn't good for him anymore…"

The old wound tore open a little, but I couldn't let that drag me back down. I had to be strong for the baby.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry…" Renée was up out of her chair and she gathered me into her arms and held me. It was what I needed, but she was squeezing my bad rib. I winced in pain and gasped.

Renée eased off "Bella, are you ok? Are you in pain?"

"This isn't a normal baby, mom. He's half vampire and he's very strong. I think he broke one of my ribs when he kicked the other day. I heard it snap… I taped it up as best I could when I regained consciousness."

"Oh my god! Let me see!"

"Ok, but this isn't pretty, he's very strong…" I lifted my sweat shirt so Renée could see my torso and ribs. My skin was covered in purple black and blue overlapping bruises where it wasn't splotchy green and yellow from partially healed bruises.

"Oh my god, Bella, you need to see a doctor! You have to be in terrible pain!"

"I can't go to a doctor, five weeks pregnant here, hello. They'll think I'm lying or too stupid to remember when I had sex. They won't believe the baby did all of this, they'll go looking for the father, and assume he beat me up. It really isn't that painful. I think it has to do with the pregnancy, some kind of natural painkiller. It's probably why I sleep so much too. At least with you here, you can do a better job of taping up my ribs for me."

"The baby really did all of this? He must be strong."

"Here, feel my belly, how rock hard it is. It's more like vampire skin than anything human."

I could see the belief starting to click into place from the look in Renée's eyes. She couldn't refute the evidence in front of her eyes, and she knew I wouldn't lie to her.

"Tell me everything, Bella. How long has this all been going on?"

I started at the beginning and told her everything. How Edward and I fell in love. How he kept saving me, the accident in the parking lot, the incident in Port Angeles, what really happened when James chased me to Phoenix, and how I'd been attacked. I showed her the scar on my arm where James had bitten me.

It was bitter sweet as I told about how his family had mostly accepted me and how our relationship had grown stronger and deeper over the last seven months. I didn't hold anything back, and told her how I had broken down Edward's resistance to our physical relationship until we'd finally had sex on my birthday.

I explained everything I knew about vampires, the bloodlust, the mechanics of the change, and how Edward's family lived. How they were different from other vampires. I told her what I knew about the Volturi, and how they made it their business to guard the secret. I explained that I knew I had to change to be together with Edward because humans weren't allowed to know that vampires really existed, and how much I had wanted that. I told her about how we had argued about him changing me and that he'd refused to consider it because he didn't want to endanger my soul.

I told her about the birthday party, and what had happened to drive the final wedge between us.

"So all of this is real? Your boyfriend was a vampire, and now you're having his half vampire baby? What about that scholarship money you got? Charlie was so upset that you were using that to finance your road trip instead of saving it for school."

"Yes, that's pretty much everything. It's all real, mom. C'mon, now that you know, maybe this'll make you believe me." I got up and got my cup and went to the fridge. "That wasn't really a scholarship. Edward's sister sent me that money to help me out. She said I could use it for school if I wanted to or whatever I needed. The scholarship was a cover to explain how I got it. Besides, I haven't even really dipped into it yet. I've been living off of what I had in savings, but it won't last forever staying in hotels. She left me something else too, but I'll tell you about that later."

"What is that, Bella?" Renée asked as I took a container out of the fridge and poured some into my cup. "Oh my god! Is that blood? What are you going to do with that?"

I put the cup in the microwave to warm it.

"It's pig's blood. I got lucky the other day, and a butcher shop in a town up north was slaughtering a hog for a local farmer. It's the only thing I can keep down now. If I eat solid food I get violently ill. The baby is craving it, and it keeps both of our strength up. I think he's been growing faster since I figured out I needed blood to stay healthy."

"You're going to drink that? You used to get sick at the scent of blood, and turn green and pass out. I suppose it makes sense, though. Pigs are used for a lot of medical research for drugs and medical procedures used on humans. The organs, circulatory system and digestive tract are remarkably similar to the human systems. In cannibalistic societies, human meat was referred to as 'long pig'. They're supposed to taste very similar, but human meat is supposed to be sweeter."

"Let's hope we never have an opportunity to find out first hand."

Renée and I both shivered at the thought. Then the timer went off and the door dinged and we both jumped, startled. I opened it and took out the cup. I gave it a stir with the straw, and then snapped on the lid. I sipped some through the straw. It tasted heavenly to me, but Renée turned a little green.

"We need to get back to Florida, and then we can figure out what we're going to do. Are you sure you can't go to a doctor?"

"What's a doctor going to say if I walk in looking like this, mom? They'll file reports and call the police. They won't believe this is all from just the baby. Word will get out, and it'll get back to the Volturi. They watch for reports of strange occurrences like this. If I go to a doctor, we're both dead. Besides, I can't go to Florida."

"I suppose you're right about a doctor. Why can't you go to Florida?"

"You probably live in the city, in a nice normal housing tract with neighbors and people all around you. Human people, with blood flowing through their veins, people you care about."

"Umm… Most people do, honey. It's how we live, it's called a society. Humans live together in communities."

"Mom, I don't know what the baby is going to be like when he's born. He's growing now, so I assume he'll keep growing after he's born, but what if he's like a newborn vampire instead of a newborn human? We already know he's strong, what if he has bloodlust like a newborn vampire too? If he's around humans, and he's more vampire than human, he's going to want to feed… I don't want to believe I'm carrying a monster… but I shouldn't be around people when he's born until we know for sure."

I saw Renée swallow convulsively and fear flashed through her eyes for a second. Then she shook herself and sat a little taller and I saw her steel her resolve.

"Ok, so you shouldn't be around people until after the baby is born and we know if it's safe. How long are we talking? When do you think you're due, and how long until you know?"

This was the tough part, but I'd told her the truth about everything else.

"So far based on my symptoms and how the pregnancy has developed, maybe around November fifteenth, but there's more…"

"November fifteenth? Next month? That's only in a couple of weeks! What else is there Bella? You've told me everything else. I think I can handle it."

"Mom, the baby is growing fast, and he's getting stronger. He's going to get too strong for my human body eventually. I'm not going to live through this…"

"Bella! No! You can't sacrifice yourself for this!"

"I'm not going to give up. I have a plan, but I need your help."

"Ok, what's the plan?"

"I'm not going to live through this human, but if I'm turned as soon as the baby is delivered, I can survive as a vampire. As long as my heart keeps beating after the baby is born, the venom will heal me."

"Ok, if you say so. Only one problem, I'm not a vampire. I can't bite you. I don't have venom."

"Remember when I told you Alice left me the money and she left me something else too?"

"Yeah…"

I got out the black leather doctors bag, and reached inside. I took out one of the syringes and handed it to Renée. She took it and her eyes got big as she read the label.

"Alice didn't know about the baby. She gave me the money and the code to get into Carlisle's medical supplies. I wouldn't be surprised if she made sure this got left behind on purpose just for me. She knew I wanted to be turned more than anything, so Edward and I could be together forever. He wouldn't do it himself, but if somebody else did it he couldn't really do or say anything about it after the fact. Now it'll allow me to survive the birth of my child. As soon as the baby is out, you need to inject that into my heart."

"Jesus, Bella!"

"You saw pulp fiction, bam, over with. It's the only way. It's too late to end the pregnancy, and even if we could, I wouldn't allow it anyhow even if it was somehow possible. The baby is going to be born, and this is the only way I'm going to make it through alive. If I'm like a normal newborn, I won't be able to be around people for at least six months to a year. I need you to watch the baby for the three days until I turn, then we should be alright."

"What if the baby is more human than vampire? How do you know you won't attack him yourself?"

"We'll be careful at first until we figure it out. If that's the case, then you'll have to care for the baby until I can be around him."

"How are we going to do that?" she handed me back the syringe, and I put it back into the case.

"I don't know yet, mom. It's late, we should get some sleep, and then we can make plans in the morning."

Renée nodded. I was tired now that I had finished the cup of blood, and I could barely keep my eyes open. I forced myself to stay awake for a little longer.

"Wake me up around nine if you can. Just keep trying, and I'll wake up eventually." My head hit the pillow and I was out.

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i

I was shaking… I didn't feel cold. Something was shaking me… There was a hand on my shoulder shaking me.

"Bella, wake up." Renée was shaking me to wake me up.

"Mom?" My eyes opened, and there was sunlight streaming into the room through the window.

There were Walmart shopping bags sitting on the table, and Renée was standing next to the bed with a look of relief on her face. She'd changed her clothes since last night, and she must have gone shopping.

"Thank god, you're awake! I thought you had slipped into a coma; you were so quiet and still. It was like you were unconscious, and I couldn't get you to wake up!"

"Yeah, I get like that when I fall asleep. It's really hard to wake back up sometimes. So, you went shopping?"

"I went and picked up some supplies we'll need. I hope you don't mind, I looked through your bags to find you something to change into, but you didn't have much. I picked you up some maternity clothes…"

"Thanks mom. I was going to go shopping here, but I hadn't gotten around to it yet."

"C'mon, let's get you up and into the shower, and then I can tape up your ribs for you. I want to examine you and see if we can get a better Idea of when the baby is due."

I nodded and Renée helped me get out of bed. She helped me walk into the bathroom, and get undressed to get into the shower. She cut off the old athletic tape on my ribs and peeled it away as gently as she could, but it still hurt like hell. I just clenched my teeth together and endured it. Screaming and crying wouldn't make it hurt any less, and then she was done.

The hot shower felt good after that, and I took the time to wash my hair. She helped me get dried off when I got out, and then she taped up my ribs for me, and did a better job than I could do by myself. It was easier to breath, and a lot less painful with the tighter support.

We went back out into the room, and Renée had closed the curtains while I was in the shower. She had me lie on the bed with just my underwear on, and she got a flexible cloth tape measure out of one of the bags. She used it to measure the curve of my belly along the middle from the top to the bottom.

"What are you checking, mom?" I asked Renée.

"I'm measuring the height of your uterus or the fundal height. It's a measurement taken from the top of your pelvic bone to the top of your uterus. During the second trimester, it's a pretty good indicator of how far along you are."

"Ok, so how far along am I?"

"You're at about twenty-five centimeters. Maybe a bit more, which would translate to about twenty-five or twenty-six weeks? A normal pregnancy is about 39 weeks, give or take a bit. Since you know the exact date of conception, we can do a little math, and try and figure out your due date." Renée had a calculator out and a calendar from her purse. "You're at exactly five weeks, today. So you're averaging about five weeks of normal development for each week of your pregnancy."

"So how long then? When do you think the baby is due?"

"I think your initial estimate was pretty close, but you were off by about maybe a week. If you keep developing like this, then you have about three weeks to go. I'd say sometime between the eighth and the fifteenth of November. You could deliver the baby now, and he'd have about an eighty percent chance of surviving a premature birth if he was a human baby. He should be fully formed and able to breathe and cry by now."

"That's good, so everything is ok then?"

"Yes, if you call this ok." She pointed at my belly, the bruises, and the broken ribs. "The bad news is that he's really going to start packing on the size and weight now as he goes through a growth spurt to bulk up before he's born. The baby is at about twenty-five percent of his birth weight right now. He's probably going to double in size in the next week, and then double in size again in the final couple of weeks before he's born."

"We have to hurry then. We can't stay in this motel. There are too many people around here, and it's too expensive to stay here that long. We need to find a place to settle down, someplace secluded and away from people, preferably in the forest with good hunting around it. Umm… are you through? Can I get dressed now?"

"Oh… Sorry, yeah. You can get dressed. Here, I picked you up a few things." Renée handed me the Walmart bag, and I started to get dressed. "When did you become a hunter? I thought you hated guns and hunting?" She asked.

"I haven't become a hunter yet, and I still don't like guns, but I'm going to have to eat after the change. The Cullens survived by hunting wild game for blood. Apparently deer are very abundant, but less palatable than predators like bear and lion."

"What about the pig blood? Wouldn't that be easier than trying to hunt?"

"From the stories I've heard, the hunting is relatively easy and instinctual after the change. We should buy some more, but we need to spread the purchases around so we don't attract attention. We can lay in a supply for the baby, and I'll see if it works for me too. It seems to agree with me for now."

"Ok, so we need a secluded place to hole up and lie low at least until after the baby is born, and maybe for up to a year. If we need to start looking for a place to stay, then first we need a car to get around and go look at houses."

"C'mon, let's take a look on the internet. There are a lot of bargains on craigslist. We should get a truck. We might need to move things out to wherever we find."

"You're just nostalgic, and miss the truck your dad bought you."

"Hey, the truck was great while it lasted. It had character, and a truck is practical. Depending on what we find, we might need to pick up some livestock too."

"Why? Raising animals is a hassle. I grew up on a farm, remember?"

"We can stock up on the pig's blood, and be close to hunting, but the baby might need fresh blood. I'm gonna be out of the picture for at least three days. If you have livestock, then you won't have to hunt animals down to get fresh blood for the baby. If we don't need them, then we can sell them after I wake up to get rid of them."

"Ok, that makes sense. So, truck first and then we find a place to stay. I need to call Phil and the school today too if I'm going to be away for the next month."

We spent the day browsing the internet and making phone calls.

Renée called her school, and talked to the principal and the superintendent and arranged for a leave of absence. I had no choice but to sit there embarrassed as she explained that her wayward teenaged daughter had gotten into trouble, was sick, and was having a difficult pregnancy. She needed to stay with me until the baby was delivered because the doctor had me on bed rest, I couldn't travel, and I had no one else to look after me. They had reluctantly agreed to the leave of absence, and would find somebody to fill in with her class for a month.

The phone call to Phil had gone about the same. His team had made it into the playoffs, and he still had a couple of weeks to go until he wrapped up his season. It sucked that mom couldn't be there to see if they went all the way, but she told him she loved him, and would see him in a month. I had sacrificed so Renée and Phil could be together. I had gone to live with Charlie so she could travel with him when they were newlyweds; now it was moms turn to return the favor. She'd be back home in a month, and then she could tell him all about her grandchild. I overheard Phil tell her she was gonna be one sexy grandma, and then the phone conversation turned mushy. I blushed bright red and concentrated on the computer monitor.

I hadn't tried to tell mom that she couldn't tell Phil the truth, but I had impressed upon her the fact that she couldn't talk about any of this over the telephone or email. Modern surveillance technology was too sophisticated to take a chance on it. I wasn't just being paranoid, and I had no reason to suspect that anyone might be watching us specifically, but the Cullens had made me aware of the fact that a lot of the electronic communication on the planet was routinely monitored by sophisticated computer systems that would pick keywords out of conversations. That would trigger more investigation and target phone numbers and IP addresses for increased surveillance.

The Volturi monitored this network and used it to find people who knew too much. With enough digging and patience, they were able to weed out the few who had figured out the truth from the multitudes that considered vampires myths and legends and currently a pop culture phenomenon. They relied on the fact that nobody knew they were watching and hunting. Knowing that they were out there waiting for you to slip up was half the battle in avoiding them. There were certain words that you never said on the phone or put into a text message or email, like vampire, Volturi, or talking about venom and the change in the same sentence.

Avoiding media attention, not doing things that attracted attention, and destroying and hiding evidence of vampire existence was the other half of the battle. I didn't have to worry about most of that yet, but my time would come. I wasn't too terribly concerned, because I intended to live as the Cullens did, and abstain from human blood. I would do everything in my power to keep my record clean, but it still remained a fact that all of them had slipped at some point with the exception of Carlisle who's record was perfect, and Rosalie who had never tasted human blood but had spilled it when she hunted down the men who had killed her.

I didn't know all the details of the Cullen's lives. I had hoped to learn more about all of them as they accepted me into their family, but Edward had wiped all of that out. I knew Edward's story, and Alice and I had talked a lot. Jasper probably had the worst record. He had lived as a traditional vampire with a coven in the south and then left them to become a Nomad. Alice had been alone for twenty-eight years before she hooked up with Jasper and they went to look for the Cullens. She had known from the beginning about the Cullen's alternate lifestyle because of her visions, but apparently everyone screws up and makes mistakes. She had her share of accidents while she learned restraint.

Edward was second only to Jasper as far as the family record for restraint, or a lack there of was concerned. He had gone through his own version of a 'teenaged rebellion', leaving Carlisle and Esme to live as a nomad for a number of years while using his unique ability to weed out the dregs of human society and play vigilante. His guilt and self loathing over that dark period in his life continued to plague him to this day, and had probably played a large part in his aversion to what he felt was condemning me to the same existence that he endured.

Asking to be changed was tantamount to inviting random premeditated murder into your life. Statistically speaking, it wasn't a question of whether or not I'd kill someone, but how many and who. I had been certain that the Cullens would have helped me keep my record clean, and minimize the mayhem that would likely ensue when I was turned, but I didn't have that support network anymore. I wasn't quite as alone as Alice had been when she was turned, but all I had was my mom, and she was human. I needed her to help with the baby, but I was putting her life in jeopardy by having her so close to me. If she didn't follow my instructions and run when I told her to run, she could end up as my first victim.

We got up the next morning and got dressed to go out and start putting the plan into action. Our first appointment was to go see a man about a truck. I was feeling stronger after a couple of days of rest, and I was sick of sitting around doing nothing but research and plan. Renée wanted me to wait at the motel, but I put my foot down and told her I was coming. Besides, we were using my money to do this. She called a cab, and we left to go car shopping.

We'd found what looked like a pretty decent truck on craigslist. It was a 1990 Chevy 1500 Stepside 4x4 pickup with a manual transmission. It had 112,000 miles, and the ad claimed that it was a great running truck. The address was close by in Rapid City.

We asked the cab driver to wait while we went to talk to the owner. He told us he just had too many vehicles and his wife had told him to get rid of a few. Renée asked if we could take it for a test drive, and he agreed. We got in the truck, and put it through its paces, and couldn't find anything wrong. Neither of us was a mechanic or even mechanically inclined, but everything worked like it was supposed to, and there didn't seem to be any odd noises or problems. The guy was asking $2900 dollars, and it seemed more than fair.

Renée drove the truck back to the house, and we went inside to check out the paperwork. The title was clear, and there weren't outstanding loans listed on the document. Renée told the owner we'd follow him to his bank to transfer the cash, and then he could sign the pink slip to transfer the title. He agreed and we paid the cab driver and thanked him for waiting. The guy we were buying the truck from got in his car, and we followed him to his bank. I used my debit card at his bank to pay the $2900 dollars for the truck, and he signed over the title to us.

We drove to the courthouse next and registered the truck. We put it in my name, because I'd be keeping it after Renée went back to Florida. I wasn't too concerned about leaving a paper trail yet. Nobody was looking for me besides maybe Charlie, and I didn't have anything to hide. I'd have to see about getting insurance to be legal, but the policy I'd had on my old truck would cover me for twenty days to give me time to file paperwork.

I told Renée how to get back to the auto shop, and we went and talked to the mechanic about my old truck. As much as I loved the old truck, I wasn't going to spend over three thousand dollars to build a replacement motor for it. I was done with Edward, and had pretty much come to terms with that part of my life. If things had gone differently and I didn't have the baby coming, I might have felt differently, but the only part of the truck that I wanted was the stereo. It had been my birthday present from Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper, and it was the only thing from that part of my life that I had left except for a couple of pictures I'd hidden on the internet. I wanted to keep it for sentimental purposes. Besides the stereo in the new truck sucked and was the stock factory AM/FM radio.

I asked the mechanic how much the truck was worth, and how much I owed him for looking at it. The truck was worth something to a collector or restoration enthusiast if I wanted to take the time to find somebody to sell it too, or I could get about hundred and fifty dollars for it at a junk yard for scrap. I made a deal with the mechanic. He swapped the stereo out of my old truck into the new, and he could keep the old truck for the scrap value. I signed the truck over to him, and signed a bill of sale, and Renée and I went on our way.

We spent the rest of the day exploring the countryside, familiarizing ourselves with the surrounding communities and looking for a good place to hole up while I had the baby and went through the change if necessary. Renée was still holding out hope that the baby could be delivered naturally, and that I could come out of this human. I didn't have that hope anymore, but I wasn't going to dwell on the fact.

There had already been too many changes in my body, but I wasn't going to tell her that. Take my rock hard stomach for instance. It was more like vampire skin than a human uterus now. I had a feeling that a lot of the hardness had to do with how tightly stretched the organ was distorted to accommodate the growing baby. It was still soft and flexible enough to stretch and allow the baby to grow, but it was a lot tougher than anything human. I had a feeling we'd be able to cut through it if we had to, but it would be difficult.

I knew that Renée was hoping I could still come out of this human, but how exactly did she expect that to happen? Did she really think that everything would just change back? Was it just supposed to just get better after the baby was gone? My sudden thirst for blood and the fact that it tasted good and didn't make me faint and sick to my stomach was another big red flag as far going back to human was concerned. My experience with things vampires told me that once something got changed it stayed that way. I had a feeling that the human part in this equation was disposable. A one time use only incubator to grow the baby. I knew it was change or die, so I was planning accordingly.

I had never been through this part of the country before, and I was a little surprised to find out that we were only a couple of miles from Mount Rushmore National Memorial and the Crazy Horse monument that was still under construction. Highway 16 led south out of Rapid City and then wound through the black hills and through the tiny community of Hill City. Highway 40 led west into the Black Hills from the tiny community of Hermosa on the plains east of the hills. It connected with Highway 16 deep in the forested hill country.

The territory around Hill City looked remote enough and was sparsely populated. This was a popular tourist destination during the summer, but it was the end of the season, and the vacation people were clearing out. The weather had been cooling off drastically, and the temperatures had dropped into the forties and fifties during the day, but it was dropping into the thirties at night. According to the locals we had talked to, they were surprised it was still so unseasonably warm, but we should expect snow soon. Almost certainly before Thanksgiving, even if the weather held past Halloween.

We went back to the motel, and Renée searched for rental property while I had my supper in a cup and then went to bed and crashed. I was out like a light and literally slept like the dead. I was beginning to wonder if that was somehow related to this type of pregnancy. Part of the property of venom was to incapacitate the prey, as if that was truly necessary. This comatose sleep could be a way of incapacitating the host mother for the half vampire child, but why would you want the mother to be so out of it? The thoughts that came to mind weren't pleasant to consider.

There were examples in nature of the newborn young from several different species that fed off of the body of their mother after they were born. There were spiders that consumed their mother's body after they hatched in order to sustain themselves until they were strong enough to hunt other prey.

Obviously I wouldn't have to defend myself because the father of the baby would be able to defend against any attackers. If I was comatose and incapacitated, then it was likely so I could be the baby's first meal until it was strong enough to survive on its own. Maybe I was missing something, but it didn't seem logical that the baby would be able to fend for itself so soon, but then I didn't know what it would be like when it was born. Hopefully the venom in my blood would affect my scent enough so I wouldn't be a tasty morsel anymore after Renée injected the venom into my heart. Renée would need to have blood available when the baby was born. It would probably be a good idea to have some livestock or animals close at hand too, or the baby might turn on her for its first meal instead.

Renée managed to wake me up again on Thursday morning. There were bags on the desk from Hardees, and a couple of cups of coffee. I hadn't had coffee in days, and it smelt delicious. I took a chance and drank some, and it didn't make me sick. It was heartening to know that there were still some human things that I could enjoy besides just blood. I wondered if I would still be able to enjoy coffee after the change. There had been a coffee maker in the Cullen's kitchen, but I had always assumed it was a prop. I wondered if they were able to consume other liquids besides just blood? I supposed I would learn first hand soon enough.

We got dressed after breakfast. Mom had a Hardees breakfast sandwich and I had a cup of blood. Renée had had some luck finding properties to look at, and had made some appointments to go view them today. We got in the truck, and drove out to Hill City, and then started looking for the first address.

The first house was nice but I knew right away that it wouldn't work. It was two minutes out of town right off the main highway down a long drive. It was a two bedroom ranch style house, completely unfurnished without even a stove in the kitchen. They were asking $750/month, plus a security deposit. The main problem was that the house was too close to town. It would be dangerous to be that close to people until I had practice controlling the bloodlust. Besides, we didn't have time to search for everything it would take to furnish a house. It might all be props for me, but Renée would need furniture and a stove. We'd definitely need a refrigerator if we were going to store more pig's blood.

We thanked the real estate agent for her time, and left for our second appointment.

The next property was almost exactly what we were looking for. It took us a while to find it winding through the hills, and we nearly missed the driveway, but the owner had placed a big red sign at the edge of the driveway with the address to help us find it, otherwise we would have driven right by. The house was invisible from the road down the long winding driveway.

The property was a partially furnished two bedroom cabin with hardwood floors. It was almost lost in the surrounding forest. It was twenty minutes from Hill City on Campaign Hill Road north off of Battle Ax Road with a drive under garage. It had its own well so there was no water bill, and it had an efficient propane furnace to heat it through the winter.

The partial furnishing included the major appliances so the kitchen was complete with a propane stove and a refrigerator. There was a washer and a propane dryer, and there was furniture in the living room and dining room. We'd have to furnish the bedrooms if we wanted beds to sleep in. The propane tank was full, so we didn't need to worry about having somebody come out and fill it, but we'd be responsible for making sure it was filled before we moved out at the end of the lease. The tank should last six months with normal usage, so it would be a while before we had to worry about it.

The owner was traveling out of the country on a business assignment for the next year, and was looking for a tenant to sign at least a six month lease or more preferably a year. The rent was $550 per month plus deposit, and we could move in immediately if we were willing to sign the year lease. The owner was in a hurry to rent it himself, because he was leaving on his trip on Saturday, and if he couldn't find a tenant himself, then he was going to have to turn it over to a real estate company and pay them a commission to rent it.

We asked if we could look around, and the owner said sure. The garage was spacious with room for two cars. There was a medium sized machine shed beside the house, and a small barn out back. Renée asked about the barn, and the owner said that the place used to be a small farm, but he hadn't kept any animals himself. We were welcome to if we wanted too, as long as the place was in the same condition when he came back, he didn't care.

I asked about snow removal. The road was a class A county road and was plowed during the winter. There was a small tractor in the machine shed with a blade attachment on the front to clear the driveway, or we could hire one of the snow removal services in town to scoop the driveway if we wanted to pay for the service.

We took it and signed the lease for a year. We had cash with us to pay the deposit and first month rent and the owner wrote us out a receipt. The lease agreement had an address where we could send the rent payments. It was the local bank in Hill City. I suppose I could have just paid the year in advance, but we might all be dead in another couple of weeks. I'd set up a bank account to deposit the rent money for the lease, and have them make automatic payments. I was pretty sure dying would void the contract, and somebody might need that money if we didn't need the cabin anymore.

We drove back into Hill City, and took care of the rest of arrangements to move in. I went to the bank and opened an account. I deposited enough money to make arrangements to make the monthly lease payment with some extra cash was for the utilities that weren't included. I asked about them at the bank, and there was a local municipal utility company that provided electric service, cable TV, internet and telephone service.

That was our next stop. We had the electricity, cable TV, and internet service transferred to my name. I made arrangements to have a cable modem installed, and for another three dollars a month, I upgraded to a cable modem with a built in wireless router. I wouldn't need a cable to use my laptop, but the modem would be a wifi hot spot for wireless internet. I didn't bother with the telephone service. I'd just use the cell phone if I needed to make calls.

We drove back to Rapid City and went back to the motel. It was late by the time we got back and we stayed one more night. I looked up used furniture stores, and found a couple of likely spots to shop for the furniture we'd need. We checked out of the motel the next morning, and went shopping for furniture.

We drove down into the southern part of Rapid City, and went to Main Furniture & Pawn Shoppe. It was a huge second hand furniture store and pawn shop where we found everything we were looking for.

I was going to be worthless for moving furniture with my broken ribs. It was hard for me to even get around while we shopped. I felt so huge, but Renée was pretty self sufficient, and we had moved on our own several times when I was a small child. It was like being a child all over again, while my mom took care of me. She could wrestle the mattresses into the house, and was handy enough with simple tools to put a bed frame together.

I felt guilty that I couldn't do more than just pay for the things that we bought.

We found two double bed sets. Then we picked out some blankets and comforters for the beds, but Renée balked at the idea of buying used sheets from a second hand store. I didn't see the problem, and then she glanced down at my belly and raised an eyebrow. Oh… I guess I didn't know what had gone on between those sheets, and maybe I didn't want to know.

She wasn't so squeamish about pots and pans, dishes or silverware. We picked out what we'd need to use the kitchen to cook, prepare food and eat.

We picked out some small nightstands and reading lamps. Renée insisted that we buy dressers to put our clothes away in. I didn't want to buy them mainly because she'd be stuck trying to carry all of this into the house but I caved and let her have her way. We found a microwave oven, a TV set and a DVD player, although I didn't own any DVDs. I didn't watch that much TV, and I'd been sleeping so much lately, I'd rarely even bothered to turn on the TVs in the motels and hotels where I'd stayed. I supposed I could always rent some DVDs if there was something I wanted to see.

The guys from the shop loaded everything into the truck, and Renée supervised while they tied the load down. She checked the knots herself, and then we doubled back up to the Walmart Supercenter.

We bought sheets, towels and wash clothes at Walmart. We did some shopping and picked up basic cleaning supplies, soap, shampoo and toiletries.

Finally we drove out of town with a full load in the bed of the truck and bags stuffed behind the seat and the nooks and crannies around the furniture and other odds and ends. I knew I wasn't going to be able to help move most of this stuff, and it was going to be a real chore for Renée, but she didn't seem too concerned about it.

We got into Hill City at about three thirty in the afternoon, but instead of driving all the way through town to head out to the cabin, Renée turned right into the parking lot of what appeared to be the local high school. Kids were pouring out of the school building and walking away or heading for cars and trucks in the parking lot. Renée pulled up behind a pickup truck with a couple of guys standing next to it, rolled down her window and called to the guys.

"Hey, are you guys busy this afternoon?"

"Excuse me, Ma'am? We're you talking to us?"

"Yes, I'm Renée Dwyer. I'm new in town, we're just moving here today. Do you and your friend want to earn a little extra cash?"

They perked up at the mention of cash, and eyed to stuff in the back of the truck.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?"

"Follow us out to our new house, and I'll pay you forty dollars to unload the truck for us, and carry the furniture inside."

The guys leaned together and whispered back and forth for a minute, and then the first guy spoke up.

"Alright, lead the way. We'll follow you." Renée nodded, and turned around and headed back out to the main road.

"How do you know you can trust these guys?" I asked Renée. "Is this safe?"

"Few things in life are completely safe, Bella. At some point you have to decide whether or not to trust people. Most people are usually pretty decent and do the right thing. These guys are in school, they're clean cut, and this is a small town. We can probably trust them. You can't go through life constantly looking over your shoulder and thinking the worst of people. If this was a bigger city, I'd worry more."

"Ok, if you think this is a good idea. I have some experience with small towns, and you're probably right. It's just I already saw how the people at the bank and the utility company were staring at me. Stories are probably already getting around, and I'm going to have to live here for awhile. The less people who know the better."

Renée looked at me and I blushed. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't going to be this girl, and now suddenly I was. I knew better than this. How the hell was I supposed to know that Edward could get me pregnant? He was a vampire, for god sake, and it was supposed to be impossible.

"You're worried about what people are going to say about you, aren't you? I've been there, I know. You wonder what kind of stories their making up in there heads, and what they're saying to their buddies when they don't think you can hear. They're guys, Bella. They all want one thing, accept that and move on. It's just something you're going to have to learn to deal with."

"It's not just the guys. It wasn't supposed to be like this mom. I was going to go to college, or lately I was thinking more about spending the rest of my life with Edward. I didn't really think about marriage, but I wanted us to be together. Now I'm a knocked up high school drop out with no future. I'm not even going to graduate high school, let alone go to college. Those ladies at the bank have a right to stare. I'm exactly what they think I am. They're right to hope that their daughters don't end up like me… If it wasn't for Alice, I'd be in a trailer park living on welfare. Hello white trash. Knocked up and too stupid to cross my legs."

"Stop that right now! This is not going to turn into a pity party while you go to pieces! You take what life throws at you, and you keep going. Nobody ever said it was gonna be easy. So you don't graduate on schedule at the end of this year. Big deal. You have more important things going on right now, like making sure my grandchild is healthy and safe! School will always be there when you're ready to finish."

"You will graduate, and you will go to College. I did it, and I had you at the same time. You were too little to remember all the time you spent with Gran Marie when you were a baby, but she practically raised you until you were three, while I was going to school. As far as the ladies at the bank are concerned, they can kiss my ass. Until they've walked a mile in your shoes, they have no idea what your life is like or the decisions you've had to make, but I know what it's like to have them talk behind your back. Here, take this." Renée took off her wedding ring and handed it to me.

"Mom, I can't take this… I don't…"

"Yes you can. Think of it as protective camouflage. I'll expect that back, but you can let those boys see it, and start some different stories in town. You know, I kept wearing my wedding ring for a long time after Charlie and I were divorced. I wasn't sentimental or holding on. I just didn't want guys hitting on me until I had my life sorted out and I was ready to think about being in a relationship again. If it stops rumors from flying around town, and people treat you better, then wear it. It's not like you're planning on spending the rest of your life here."

I slipped the ring onto my left hand, and it made me feel different. It was just a ring, but it was supposed to mean something. This was where I would have worn Edward's ring if I'd meant enough to him to make him care enough to want me. He didn't want me, but I had to go on. I'd never wear Edward's ring. Now it was just another lie to get what I needed. Right now I needed acceptance so I could fit in and not cause more gossip.

We drove out to the cabin, and the boys unloaded the truck for us and carried everything up the stairs from the garage into the house. They even setup the bed frames, and set the box springs and mattresses in place. They were nice boys and polite. We chatted as they worked, and Renée got my cover story setup for me.

Renée obviously was my mom, and my "husband" was in the service. He'd been called up on alert after the 9/11 terrorist attack in New York, and was likely going to be sent overseas for an extended tour of duty. He wasn't likely to show up here anytime in the near future, considering that he didn't exist. We didn't make up too many details. People would make up the rest of the story, and fill in the blanks in their own minds.

Renée paid the boys and they left, and we got to work settling in. There were more things to do, but I mostly stayed at the cabin after that. The baby was growing fast now, and the changes were noticeable from one day to the next. Almost from one hour to the next. If Renée didn't believe before, the evidence was obvious before her eyes after spending a couple of days with me.

I did my part researching and finding what we needed, and Renée ran around picking it up. She bought groceries in town and stocked the kitchen so she could eat. She was enjoying playing expectant grandma to a certain extent, and picked up things for the baby when she was out. It wasn't obvious at first, but she'd come back to the cabin and there'd be a couple of new outfits or some toys and rattles. She got the things she knew I'd need like blankets and diapers, and a plastic baby bathtub.

The day she showed up with a bassinette, it brought home the fact to me that I was really pregnant, and there was going to be a baby living with us. Not that the fact had escaped me, but my body had been changing so fast, that sometimes the concept got lost in dealing with the symptoms. I had a moment again where I realized I was going to be a mother, and it was like that day in my room all over again when I felt the baby nudge my hand for the first time. I cried and Renée held me. She knew why I was crying, and she was crying too, but it wasn't because we were scared or sad.

The baby was growing faster now, and got bigger daily. It was harder to move around, and he was beating the hell out of me when he moved to stretch or kick. He broke another rib, but it didn't appear to splinter, or puncture anything important. Renée taped it up, and I was forced to try not to move around anymore than I had too.

Renée was worried that I needed to see a doctor and have x-rays taken to make sure I was ok, but I reminded her that we couldn't do that and it was impossible. As long as my heart kept beating until the baby was out, the venom would heal me.

I found some more specialty meat packers and butchers that processed whole animals and called to find out when they were going to be slaughtering hogs. I made sure to spread the purchases around, and Renée ended up driving around half of South Dakota, Nebraska and the neighboring states to pick up the blood. We stocked up on pig's blood, and even experimented with freezing some. It didn't taste the same thawed after being frozen, and I couldn't drink it, so we gave up on that idea.

I explained my thoughts about the need for some livestock, and Renée gave in, but we compromised. She was adamant about not getting pigs or cattle. She said they were both too big and too much of a hassle to deal with for what we wanted them for. We settled on buying some goats. They didn't need a lot of baby sitting, and would eat anything. I found a local farmer that sold them on craigslist, and we bought half a dozen dairy goats for $100 each. Renée bought a couple of sacks of pelletized feed and some bales of hay and we were good to go. It was pricey if we just wanted them for blood compared to what we were buying from the slaughter houses, but it was well worth the insurance if it kept Renée Safe.

Renée talked to Phil on the phone, and they kept in touch almost nightly. His season had ended and the playoffs were over. He wanted to come out and visit and see if he could help. Renée told him no, but said she'd be home soon. She didn't give him our address, and she only talked to him on the cell phone. She was trying to keep him safe. She knew how dangerous this was, and she didn't want him involved too.

I could tell she missed him, and she was sacrificing a lot to stay with me. I would have told her to go if I didn't need her so badly. I didn't really know when the baby would come, despite our best guesses and estimates, but I knew I'd die if she wasn't there to help me.

She knew it too, and was always nervous when she had to leave to go out for something. We had set a deadline for Halloween, and she refused to leave my side after that. One week before the first estimated due date. I would be at the equivalent of thirty-nine weeks in a normal pregnancy on November eighth. Our window for when we were expecting the baby was from the eighth to the fifteenth, but Renée didn't want to take a chance on him coming early either. If he didn't come by the fifteenth, then something was wrong, or there was more that we didn't know.

Finally we had everything we thought we'd need, and we could breathe a little easier. We were sitting up together relaxing one evening in that week before Halloween, and Renée finally brought up a topic I had been toying with in the back of my mind for weeks now.

"Bella, we keep calling my grandchild 'the baby'. It's getting close to your delivery date, and I know there's no real pressure, but have you considered any names for the baby yet?"

"I've been kicking around a couple of names in the back of my mind. I know the baby's father is a sore subject these days, but I'd still like him to be represented."

Renée was pissed off at Edward for what he had done to me, and then for leaving when he did. We'd argued about it more than once, and had silently agreed not to discuss the issue in the immediate future, until we both had more time to cool down. I found myself in the somewhat dubious position of having to defend Edward, when I was almost as angry with him as Renée was, but I couldn't believe that he would have left me if he had known the truth. He wasn't like that.

"Alright, so what names do you like? I'll listen with an open mind. Sometimes saying them out loud helps you make up your mind."

"Well, Edward's biological father was Edward Senior, and Edward's full name was Edward Anthony Masen Jr. I've considered just going with Edward Anthony, but then he wouldn't technically be the third, because I'm not a Masen."

His bastard child couldn't rightfully claim that distinction. I wasn't Edward's wife even though I continued to wear a ring for 'camouflage'. I had returned Renée's ring, but she had picked me up one at a pawn shop so I could avoid gossip if I had to go into town, or people came out to the cabin.

"What other names have you thought about?" Renée asked. She didn't want to start a fight, but I knew she didn't like that name.

"Well, I considered reversing it, and going with Anthony Edward, but then everyone would end up calling him tony, and I don't really care for that nickname. Besides, I think my side of the family should be represented too. I kind of like the sound of Charles Edward, but as much as I love dad, I don't really want to call my baby Charlie either. What was Grandpa Lyle's full name?" Grandpa Lyle had passed away a couple of years before Gran Marie, and it had been painful for mom. We'd never talked much about him after he was gone.

"My dad? He always went by Lyle, but that was his middle name. He was Elias Lyle Higgenbotham."

"How does Elias Edward Swan grab you, or is that too many E's?"

"I like it. Dad would be proud that you want your son to carry his name. Besides, everyone will end up calling him Edward anyhow, but Bella, there is the other option to consider."

"Other option? Lyle Edward doesn't really flow as smoothly as Elias Edward, but I'll consider it if you like it better. I guess that way you could call him Lyle instead of Edward."

"No, I like Elias Edward, but what if you have a girl? You know, I thought I was going to have a boy the whole time I was carrying you. That's why I painted your room blue. You were supposed to be Charles Lyle Swan, but then the doctor told me you were a girl, and we came up with Isabella Marie on the spur of the moment after both of your grandmothers."

"Oh… I hadn't really considered any girls names."

"Well, you might want to give it some thought, dear. These days, most women know the sex of their baby by now, but you haven't had an ultrasound, and you're really just going by your feelings here. It's still a fifty-fifty chance, and it pays to be prepared. You know, just in case."

"Well, I'd have to say that my first choice would have to be to name a girl after Edward's biological mother, Elizabeth Masen. I never would have even met Edward if it hadn't been for her."

"Elizabeth is nice, I like that name."

"The middle name is a little more tricky. I wouldn't have been able to do any of this with out you, mom. I want you to be represented, but Edward's adopted mother, Esme, is so important in his life, and she was always so kind to me. I think she should be represented too. What do you think of Renesmee as a middle name?"

"Renesmee? That's a little odd, but I like the way it sounds."

"I cant give my little girl three names, and she'd shoot me if I hung that on her as a first name, but the three women that are so important to both Edward and I are all a part of her name."

"Alright, then. So, Elias Edward if it's a boy, and Elizabeth Renesmee if it's a girl?"

"Yes, I like both of those names."

Renée was busy trying to take care of me plus trying to keep up with everything else. She had to care for the small herd of goats, and make sure they had food and water. I was getting so big I couldn't even move around by myself anymore, but I was sleeping most of the time anyhow. My appetite had grown with my belly, and it was a good thing we had stocked up on so much extra blood. I was ravenous as the baby put on weight in a growth spurt during the final weeks of the pregnancy. Of course, the more I drank, the more often I had to make trips to the bathroom.

We got our first snow storm of the season on the seventh of November, and it scared both of us. Renée had grown up in the northwest, but the Pacific Northwest in Washington State, and they just didn't get the kind of snow storms and blizzards like out here in the Dakotas. I'd grown up in California and Arizona where snow was something you saw on TV and drove to look at if you wanted to play in it. It was more of an abstract concept than a reality to me. The couple of brief snowfalls that had dusted Forks were the first snow I had ever seen.

This storm had snow coming down in sheets of huge flakes that completely blocked out our view of the nearby out buildings in the yard. The wind blew, piling up the snow in huge drifts and it snowed and snowed. It lasted for days before the storm broke. The driveway was buried at least three feet deep with some bigger drifts, and we couldn't see out to the road to see if it had even been plowed by the county yet. It was Thursday the ninth before the sun came out again glittering brilliantly off of the winter wonderland that we found ourselves surrounded by.

This was a dangerous situation for us. I was getting Braxton Hicks contractions more and more often, and my massive belly would shudder ominously as I felt my muscles contracting involuntarily. They made the baby more active, and he was beating the hell out of me from the inside out. If the baby came, Renée needed to be able to leave after she injected me with the venom. There was a three day window for her to get out, but she had to be gone before I woke up. If we were snowed in, and she couldn't leave, then I might attack her when I woke up.

Unfortunately, for her to be able to leave, she was going to have to clear the snow off of the long winding driveway. Renée knew how to drive a tractor. She'd learned how to drive on a tractor on her dad's farm long before she was old enough to even get a learners permit to drive a car on the roads. She could plow and scoop the lane out to the highway, but if she was out scooping snow, then she had to leave me alone in the house, and we didn't know when I would go into labor, how long it would last, or if this would even be a normal delivery.

I kept my cell phone handy, and Renée had her phone with her so I could call her if anything happened. She went out to work on clearing the lane out to the road. We knew that the snow plows had been by on the road into town by now. That was both good and bad. The road was clear, but it had piled the snow even higher with chunks of ice at the end of the lane where it would have opened onto the road.

Renée actually got about half of the lane cleared before the snow started again. She kept working until the storm turned into a blizzard, and the snow was coming down almost faster than she could push it off of the lane. I couldn't even see the tractor through the blizzard when she decided to quit and drove back up to the machine shed to drive the tractor inside to get it out of the weather.

The storm continued to rage all night Thursday, and then into Friday morning, but started to slack off around sunrise. We were sitting in the living room, watching to snow fall while we discussed our options and made plans. Renee was having breakfast, while I drank mine through a straw.

"I don't think we should wait any longer, Bella. You're past the point that would be considered 39 weeks in a normal pregnancy. The baby is just getting bigger, and beating the hell out of you. If we wait, it's just going to be that much harder."

The baby had been active last night, stretching and kicking. He had broken another rib, and I was pretty sure my pelvis was cracked, but I could still move around if I gritted my teeth and ignored the pain so it probably wasn't broken.

"Do you think you can even cut through the uterus with a scalpel? I asked.

Renée thought we should intervene and try and get the baby out now, before it did anymore damage. I wasn't opposed, but I didn't know if it would even work, given how hard my belly felt.

"I think we should give it a try. There's no telling how much damage the baby might do to you, if we just keep waiting. If we take the baby, then we can stop it from hurting you anymore, and you can start healing."

"You know, it doesn't matter how much he hurts me. The venom will heal it."

Renée winced, and then nodded. Sure, it would heal me after three days of burning agony, by turning me into a vampire. She was resigned to the fact that it was the only way I'd likely survive. It was why she was suggesting that we take the baby, despite the fact that she wasn't a doctor, and we had limited resources.

"I know. I'm relying on that fact to save you. I wouldn't suggest this otherwise. I know you say it will heal you, but how fast does it work? What about a major hemorrhage? Vampires kill their victims by drinking their blood, and there's venom in the bite when they feed. The human heart stops beating at forty percent blood loss. What if you bleed out before the venom can heal the damage?"

"Carlisle used the venom to heal a cut in my arm that was freely bleeding before. The venom is an anti –coagulant, but it will seal cuts and tears in the skin like superglue. When the time comes, inject a full syringe into my heart to start the change, and then irrigate any major wounds with the venom and push the edges together to close the wound and stop the bleeding. It would probably be effective to inject venom into all of the major exposed veins to try and accelerate to process."

Renée blanched, but swallowed and nodded. It was a daunting task to contemplate, but she was strong. Stronger than me, she'd been raised on a farm, and was used to the cycles of life. She helped her father breed and birth livestock when she was younger than me, and she'd helped him slaughter them too, when the time came. She wasn't the sort to faint at the sight of blood, but I was her daughter, not some cow that was delivering a calf breach.

"If this storm let's up today, then I'll finish scooping the lane. Once the road's clear, then we'll do it tomorrow morning, ok?"

"Alright, I'll be glad to have this over with. You know what to do next, right?"

"Yes, but I don't like leaving you here alone…"

"Mom, you have to stay safe. If you can be around the baby, then take him with you and go to the hotel. I'll call you when I wake up, and then we can test if I can be around the baby. You can leave some of his clothes where I can find them. I should be able to tell by his scent if I'll be safe around him."

"Umm… What if I can't be around the baby?"

That was the worst case scenario, and neither of us wanted to think about that, but I guess we needed to discuss it. What if the baby attacked Renée? She wouldn't want to hurt her grandchild, but what if it was a monster?

"I don't know what to say, mom… I hope it won't be like that. I don't want to believe that the baby will be a monster, but if you have to, make a run for it and get away…"

We were keeping one of the goats in the garage now, just in case, but I knew that if the baby was more like a newborn vampire than a newborn human baby it would find Renée's scent more appealing than a goat.

I could feel the strain on my bladder from all the blood I was drinking, and it was time to make the trip again. "Renée?" I asked, looking at mom apologetically.

"Again?" Renée chuckled.

"I swear I must have drunk two gallons in the last hour," I complained. I knew it wasn't really that much, but she got the point. My cup was rarely empty now as I constantly sipped at the blood.

Renée came over to help me up from the couch and take me to the bathroom.

"I can walk." I complained. "My legs are just so stiff."

"Are you sure?" Renée asked.

"Just catch me if I trip over my feet. That could happen pretty easily since I can't see them." Not that it didn't happen a lot when I could see them.

Renée walked beside me, keeping her hands right at my shoulders. I stretched my arms out in front, wincing a little.

"That feels good," I sighed. "Ugh, but I'm huge."

I swear, my stomach was its own continent.

"One more day," I said, and patted my stomach. "All righty, then. Whoops—oh, no!"

The cup I had left on the sofa tumbled to one side, the dark red blood spilling out onto the pale fabric.

Automatically, both of us bent over, reaching out to catch it.

There was the strangest, muffled ripping sound from the center of my body.

"Oh!" I gasped.

A half second later, I screamed.

Suddenly my body felt totally limp, like a puppet with its strings unexpectedly cut, and I was slumping toward the floor.

It was not just a scream; it was a blood-curdling shriek of agony. The horrifying sound cut off with a gurgle, and my eyes rolled back into my head as the blackness closed in around me. My body twitched, arched in Renée's arms, and then I vomited a fountain of blood.

**Author's Note:**

As you most likely noticed from reading this, Bella and Renee were discussing names for Bella's child, and she mentioned Elizabeth as her choice for a girl's name, with Renesmee as a middle name. I wanted to keep Renesmee in the story. Most people are probably used to it by now. Particularly if you go to the trouble of searching for and reading fan fiction, then you've probably accepted it, but I like to keep my stories as realistic as possible. I just couldn't honestly imagine anyone actually naming their child that. Maybe it'll become a popular name as a result of twilight, but c'mon, Renesmee? Could you really do that to a kid and not think that they're going to hate you for the rest of their life? Maybe as a middle name if you have a really really good reason, otherwise you're setting them up for years of ridicule. I know that there are a lot of girls out there that make up strange names for their babies, but Bella isn't that kind of girl.

I think Bella had a hard enough time growing up and dealing with unwanted attention from her peers in school that she wouldn't want to make life any harder than necessary for her child. She doesn't know that her child could possibly be noticeably different from other kids at this point, and she would most likely think that they would have a normal childhood if they are able to be around people. Bella wants to believe her child is going to be normal, but maybe a little special. Bella would want her child to have as normal a childhood as possible, and that would most likely include school at some point. Sending a kid to school with a name like Renesmee is setting them up to come running home crying because the kids at school are teasing her. She wouldn't do that to her baby. It doesn't fit her personality, and it's not something that I see her doing, no matter how special her baby is.

Renee's father is not mentioned by name in any of the books or movies, and is only mentioned in passing during Bella's dream sequence in chapter 1 of New Moon. Elias Lyle is a grandparents name in my family, so I used it in the story, although the surname is different.

If you liked this, please review and let me know what you think.


	5. Chapter 5 Baby Makes Three

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **RPOV (Renée), Obviously Renée has to tell this part of the story.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

I'm posting this chapter earlier than I had originally planned. It's shorter than most of my other chapters, and it didn't seem fair to make you wait a week for this and then another week for the next chapter, so I'm posting today, and the next chapter should be up on Friday. Please let me know what you think.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 5 Baby Makes Three

RPOV (Renée)

"Oh!" Bella gasped.

And then she went totally limp, slumping toward the floor.

I caught her in the same instant, before she could fall, the mess on the sofa forgotten.

"Bella?" I shrieked as panic briefly flashed through me, but I had to keep my head if I was going to save her and the baby.

A half second later, Bella screamed.

It was not just a scream; it was a blood-curdling shriek of agony. The horrifying sound cut off with a gurgle, and her eyes rolled back into her head. Her body twitched, arched in my arms, and then Bella vomited a fountain of blood.

Bella's body, streaming with red, started to twitch, jerking around in my arms like she was being electrocuted. All the while, her face was blank, unconscious. It was the wild thrashing from inside the center of her body that moved her. As she convulsed, sharp snaps and cracks kept time with the spasms.

"Oh my god, Bella, Stay with me…" I exclaimed and looked around deciding what to do next.

I was frozen for the shortest half second, and then I galvanized into action. I wrapped my arms around Bella's torso under her arms and dragged her body into the bedroom. If I simply laid her on the floor, I'd have to go retrieve all the supplies, and we had everything setup in the other room.

The room looked almost like an emergency ward from an earlier century set up in the middle of her bedroom. The lights were brilliant and white with the extra lamps I'd purchased so I'd have plenty of light when this day came. I heaved Bella onto the bed under the glare, skin ghostly in the bright light. Her body flopped, a fish on the sand. I pinned her down, yanking and ripping her clothes out of the way.

"What's happening, mom?" Somewhere in this, Bella had come around.

"He's suffocating! The placenta must have detached!" I yelled as I worked frantically to save them both.

She responded to the words with a shriek that clawed at my eardrums.

"Get him OUT!" she screamed. "He can't BREATHE! Do it NOW!"

I saw the red spots pop out when her scream broke the blood vessels in her eyes.

"I trying baby, I working as fast as I can," I said, trying to sound calm.

"NO! NOW!" Another gush of blood choked off what she was shrieking. I moved to hold her head up, desperately trying to clear her mouth so that she could breathe again.

In the bright light, Bella's skin seemed more purple and black than it was white.

Deep red was seeping beneath the skin over the huge, shuddering bulge of her stomach. I had to get the baby out now. I had her airway clear and she sucked in a ragged breath, but her chest rose. I reached for the instruments laid out on the side table. My hand came up with a scalpel.

"You're going to feel some pain, baby!" I shouted at her as I moved to the foot of the bed.

"Just do it! There's no time," Bella hissed. "He's dying!"

My hand came down on Bella's stomach, and vivid red spouted out from where I pierced the skin. It was like a bucket being turned over, a faucet twisted to full. Bella jerked, but didn't scream.

She was still choking as she coughed up blood and tried to drag in another breath.

I tried to make an incision in the uterus, but it was hard and tough like thick rubbery leather. I spared a second and glanced back up the bed where Bella was turning blue, her eyes wide and staring.

"Bella stay with me," I yelled fast and demanding.

I judged her face swiftly, looking for any sign of life. I checked her pulse and then started CPR with a single-minded ferocity.

I bent over her head. Her mouth looked clear, so I pressed mine to hers and blew a lungful of air into it. I felt her twitching body expand, there was nothing blocking her throat.

Her lips tasted like blood.

I could feel her heart jolt under my hands, beating on its own again, thumping unevenly. Keep it going, I thought fiercely at her, blowing another gust of air into her body. You promised. Keep your heart beating.

'Keep her breathing!' I chanted to myself as I breathed for her. I couldn't be two places at once… Oh god! I had to get him out before-

Another shattering crack from inside her body, the loudest yet, echoed through the room, so loud that I froze in shock waiting for her answering shriek. Nothing. Her legs, which had been curled up in agony, now went limp, sprawling out in an unnatural way.

"Her spine!" I choked in horror.

"Get him out, NOW!" Bella snarled, briefly regaining consciousness from the shock and the sudden relief from pain.

I moved back down to the foot of the bed and grabbed the scalpel. It moved across her stomach. More blood dripping to the floor. I tried to cut into the uterus again but the blade just scraped across it ineffectually. I looked back at Bella as her head lolled incoherently.

The next sound jolted through me, unexpected, terrifying. Like metal being shredded apart. I glanced down at Bella's stomach, red and wet with blood where her skin was flayed open from the scalpel incision. I pressed my hand against the bulge and something moved under it. Then suddenly it was tearing open from the inside. Tiny teeth appeared to be slicing through the impossibly hard uterus wall. Vampire teeth- surefire way to cut through vampire skin.

Suddenly the small breach in the uterine wall tore open and a tiny head and shoulders were struggling through the opening.

I reached for the tiny body without thinking and helped pull the infant free. It seemed like a normal newborn baby, and I checked it over carefully, quickly counting fingers and toes. A lot of hair for a newborn matted against its tiny scalp. I made the obvious check to verify the sex.

"Elizabeth," I whispered. It was a girl.

So Bella'd been wrong. It wasn't the boy she'd imagined. No big surprise there.

What hadn't she been wrong about?

I looked away from the tiny infant in my arms to glance at Bella and saw lift her hands weakly.

"Let me-" she croaked in a broken whisper. "Give her to me."

I guess I should have known that I would always give her what she wanted, no matter how stupid her request might be. But I didn't dream it would be dangerous. So I didn't think to stop now.

The baby felt so warm to me, but I couldn't look away from Bella's face. She blinked and then stared, finally seeing something. She moaned out a strange, weak croon.

"Elizabeth. So- beautiful."

And then she gasped- gasped in pain.

By the time I looked, it was almost too late. I snatched the warm, bloody infant out of her limp arms. My eyes flickered across her skin. It was red with blood. The blood that had flowed from her mouth, the blood smeared all over the tiny infant, and fresh blood oozing from a tiny double-crescent scrape mark where the baby had tried to bite her just over her left breast.

"No, Elizabeth," I murmured to my new granddaughter. It was never too early to start teaching her manners.

I didn't look at Elizabeth now. I watched Bella as her eyes rolled back into her head.

With a last shuddering exhale, her chest faltered and stopped rising on its own and her eyes glazed over unseeing.

I quickly clamped the umbilical cord and cut it with a pair of scissors. Thank god I was able to snip through it almost normally. I laid the baby aside in the bassinette that we had prepared with a sheet for protection.

She missed maybe half of one beat, and then my hands were on her chest, doing compressions.

I shuddered as I blew more air into Bella.

She coughed back at me, her eyes blinking, rolling blindly.

"You stay with me now, Bella!" I yelled at her. "Do you hear me? Stay! You're not leaving me. Keep your heart beating!"

Her eyes wheeled, looking for me, or the baby, but seeing nothing.

I stared into them anyway, keeping my gaze locked there.

Her body was very still under my hands. The internal beating was over now that the baby was out of her.

I counted in my head, trying to keep the rhythm steady. One. Two. Three. Four.

Breaking away for a second, I blew another lungful of air into her.

Her breathing picked up roughly and her heart started to slowly thud on its own again as I checked the pulse in her throat.

I forced more air down Bella's throat. It was now or never. I looked up from Bella's white eyes, still pumping her heart for her. I was going to lose her if I didn't act now.

"She needs the venom now," I muttered, reaching for the first metal syringe on the side table.

The syringe in my hand that she had chosen for the first injection was labeled "Edward". It was silver and cold like it was made from steel, but it felt like lead as I hefted the weight in my hand.

I took one last deep breath. This was it. This was what she wanted, the moment of truth. In the same second, I shoved the needle straight into her heart.

"God help me," I whispered as I pushed the plunger down.

The venom surged into her and I felt the jolt in her heart, like I'd shocked her with paddles.

I picked up the second syringe, and moved back to the foot of the bed. The cut end of the umbilical cord was still dangling from the wound in her stomach. I reached for it and wrapped it around my hand to get a firm grip on the slippery surface, and carefully extracted the placenta from the wound in her body cavity.

I breathed a sigh of relief when it looked intact. I knew if any was left behind in a normal pregnancy, it could cause complications and infection. I didn't know what would happen with the venom, but it was better not to take chances.

I used the syringe to squirt venom onto the gaping wound in her belly and pushed the edges of the cut closed. Thank god it sealed, and the bleeding appeared to stop. Hopefully the venom would heal any internal bleeding before she bled out.

I took the rest of the syringe, moving to her throat, her wrists, the crease at the inside of her arm, the major arteries is the groin, moving to every exposed vein or artery I remembered. I injected her, again and again, forcing venom into her system at as many points as possible.

The tiny stab wounds oozed for second, tiny bleeding gashes, but before they could really start to bleed the venom washed over her skin, sealing it shut. It held the poison and the blood inside her body, working it's magic.

"Got to keep it moving," I chanted to myself. My voice was like ice with determination. Fierce and unthinking, like I was a machine, I had one purpose left.

I ignored the ache in my own heart and started pumping her heart again. It was harder, as if her blood was congealing there- thicker and slower. While I pushed the now-viscous blood through her arteries, I focused on what I was doing.

I blew more air into her mouth, but there was nothing there. Just the lifeless rise of her chest in response. I kept pumping her heart, counting, working manically over her, trying to put her back together. All the king's horses and all the king's men- But there was nothing there, just me.

Working over a corpse.

Because that's all that was left of the girl I loved. My only child, my daughter, this broken, bled-out, mangled corpse that was all that was left of my Bella. God damn Edward Cullen for coming into her life and doing this thing to my little girl! I couldn't put Bella back together again.

I knew it was too late. I knew she was dead. I didn't feel any reason to be here beside her now. She wasn't here anymore. This ruined body had no more draw for me. The need to be near her had vanished.

It seemed like I felt the pull from the opposite direction now.

I felt the pull from across the room, in the bassinette as I was drawn across the room.

Turning away, leaving my dead, I walked slowly to the bassinette. So slowly. I couldn't make my feet move faster.

I felt empty, now that I'd lost my purpose. Saving Bella had been my fight for so many weeks now, but she wouldn't be saved. She'd willingly sacrificed herself to be torn apart by that monster's young, and so the fight was lost. It was all over.

I wanted to somehow purge the memories inside my head and force them out of my brain. To burn away the images left from Bella's final minutes. I needed to get rid of that- the screaming, the bleeding, the unbearable crunching and snapping as the newborn monster tore through her from the inside out…

My feet were heavy as iron and my body was more tired than it had ever been before as I shuffled across the room like a crippled old woman.

I rested next to the bassinette, as fear gripped me. I waited, steeling my resolve, gathering my strength before I moved to look at my new granddaughter. She was all I had left, Edward's demon spawn, now that Bella was gone…

The baby stared up at me, its gaze more focused than any newborn creature's gaze should be.

Warm brown eyes, the color of milk chocolate- the exact same color that Bella's had been.

My lethargy drained away. My fear vanished, and heat flooded through me, stronger than before, but it was a new kind of heat- not the burning determination I had felt while working over Bella.

It was a glowing.

I had a new purpose in life as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. I knew I had to protect her. That was what was important. That was all that mattered in life now. Protecting this tiny perfect child.

I reached for Elizabeth and picked her up, gently cradling her in my arms.

It was the baby girl in my arms that was the most important thing to me here now. I carried her out of the room. I had to clean her up, and the baby bath was setup in the kitchen on the counter. The sink in the kitchen was closer to the water heater, and would warm faster, besides the counter gave me more room to work.

I ran warm water and sponged the blood and drying fluids off of the baby giving her a first quick bath. I put a diaper on her and then wrapped her in a blanket. I wasn't sure that she really needed it. She felt hot, like she was running a fever, but she was alert and active, and didn't seem sick. She was probably hungry, but she hadn't cried, and I wondered what she'd want. I opened the fridge to get out some blood.

I hugged her close against my chest with one arm, cradling her on my shoulder, and I felt her tiny face nuzzle into my neck. Her breath was hot and moist. I felt her tiny lips on my neck, and then there was a sharp pain. I tried to push her away, but her tiny hands were so strong…

There was a rush of liquid, and it felt like something was flowing into my neck. She let go, and my hand flew to my throat It felt wet, but my hand wasn't bloody…

Almost instantly I felt the fire flash through my body, radiating out from where I had been bitten and settle into my chest as whatever she had injected into my blood reached for my heart.

My mind was unbearably clear—sharpened by the fierce pain—and I saw the answer almost as soon as I could form the questions.

Elizabeth.

Oh My God! Elizabeth had bitten me and injected venom into the bite in my neck. The burning flowed through my body as my blood carried the venom to every extremity.

My hearing got clearer and clearer as my senses expanded exponentially in those first few seconds, and I could count the frantic, pounding beats of my heart to mark the time.

From across the house in the bedroom, there was a new sound. The only sound that could touch me in this endless instant of pain.

A frantic pounding, a racing beat.

A changing heart.

Bella's heart.

She wasn't dead? Was I?

The fire that embraced my heart got more and more intense, hotter and hotter.

Elizabeth was still in my arms—my automatic response was to drop the dangerous thing in my arms. But she was too precious and my arms didn't move. My arms were curled to my chest embracing the tiny dangerous precious bundle. I held her tighter to protect her from the fire. But the flames were inside me.

Hotter.

Uncomfortable now. Too hot. Much, much too hot.

Hotter. The fire was burning me. I had to get away. I turned to the garage door. I could feel the cooler air from under the garage door, and I pushed the door open.

Mercifully cold air washed across me but the respite was too brief. It was swept away by the flames that consumed me. The fire did not decrease one tiny degree—in fact, I began to develop a new capacity for experiencing it, a new sensitivity to appreciate, separately, each blistering tongue of flame that licked through my veins.

The burning grew—rose and peaked and rose again until it surpassed anything I'd ever experienced. Strength failed me and the world was spinning. The floor rose up and slammed into my face. Merciful blackness seemed to drive the pain away for a few fleeting seconds.

I clawed my way back out of the blackness. Elizabeth. Was she ok? I had fallen… Where was the baby?

Relief washed over me, briefly overshadowing the pain, when I felt her tiny hands clinging to my chest.

I felt the pulse behind the fire raging now in my chest and realized that I'd found my heart again, just in time to wish I never had. To wish that I'd embraced the blackness while I'd still had the chance.

I wanted to raise my arms and claw my chest open and rip the heart from it—anything to get rid of this torture. I was paralyzed by the pain. Any tiny movement magnified and intensified the burning, and I lay still immobilized as the flames licked through my body and consumed me.

The fire blazed hotter and I wanted to scream. To beg for someone to kill me now, before I lived one more second in this pain. I tried to scream but the fire that ripped through my lungs and throat was a hundred thousand times more intense as the whimper of an abortive shriek died on my lips.

The indescribable agony pulsed through my body burying me in the flames that were chewing their way out from my heart now, spreading with impossible pain through my shoulders and stomach, scalding their way up my throat, licking at my face.

All I wanted was to die. To never have been born. The whole of my existence did not outweigh this pain. Nothing was worth living through it for one more heartbeat.

Let me die, let me die, let me die.

And, for a never-ending space, that was all there was. Just the fiery torture, and my soundless shrieks, pleading for death to come. Nothing else, not even time. So that made it infinite, with no beginning and no end. One infinite moment of pain.

**Author's Note:**

As you most likely noticed from reading this, Bella's child, Elizabeth is venomous and was able to bite Renée to cause her to change, like how Nahuel was able turn Huilen as described in Breaking Dawn. I always felt that the original story made too many convenient concessions for the sake of the storyline rather than making the science or mythology of vampire/human hybrids more believable.

Why would a male hybrid be venomous, but not a female? It was just too convenient to the story. Things don't work that way in nature. By making female hybrids non-venomous, Renesmee could bite Bella, but not change her, so Edward could change her. Renesmee could bite Jacob with out killing him when vampire venom was deadly to werewolves, but then the story required Nahuel to turn Huilen, so suddenly male hybrids have venom and can change people. I didn't like that, so in this alternate universe, all hybrids are venomous.

It made sense, once again going back to how Nahuel was able turn Huilen that a newborn hybrid would bite and change the first human they encounter, in order to create a caretaker, so to speak.

If you liked this, please review and let me know what you think.


	6. Chapter 6 New

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **BPOV (Bella), Bella starts the story. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 6 New

BPOV (Bella)

How long?

At first time had ceased to hold any meaning for me as I was swept away in one endless infinite sea of pain. The fire had ripped and torn at my flesh until life and death, night and day, good and evil, guilt and forgiveness had ceased to exist.

That creature that had been Bella Swan had been cast down into the depths of the abyss of pain and was reduced to a tiny flicker of consciousness that prayed for oblivion as she was constantly destroyed and then reborn only to burn away again.

Awareness had returned by fractions of inches, but the expanding of my awareness only made the sea of pain more vast, more intense. I could feel every individual cell of my body razed to ash by the fire only to be reconstructed and burned away again and again and again.

How many more seconds would I burn? Ten thousand? Twenty? Another day— eighty-six thousand, four hundred? More than that?

It seemed as if I must be just a pile of charred bones by now. Every cell in my body had been burned to cinder and ash by the fire that consumed me.

I heard the swish of the fabric from the curtains rubbing against the window sill as the flow of heated air from the vent moved them. I heard the quiet buzz of the light fixture hanging from the ceiling. I heard the faint wind brushing against the outside of the house. I could hear everything.

The TV was still on in the living room. There was a ball game on now. It was a basketball game on but I didn't know who was winning. Basketball held even less interest for me than baseball had.

I listened for more, but there was nothing but the game. Basketball was not interesting enough to distract me from the pain, so I listened to Elizabeth's breathing again, counting the seconds.

Twenty-one thousand, nine hundred seventeen and a half seconds later, the pain changed.

On the good-news side of things, it started to fade from my fingertips and toes.

Fading slowly, but at least it was doing something new. This had to be it. The pain was on its way out…

And then the bad news. The fire in my throat wasn't the same as before. I wasn't only on fire, but I was now parched, too. Dry as bone. So thirsty. Burning fire, and burning thirst…

Also bad news: The fire inside my heart got hotter.

How was that possible?

My heartbeat, already too fast, picked up—the fire drove its rhythm to a new frantic pace.

The fire retreated from my palms, leaving them blissfully pain-free and cool. But it retreated to my heart, which blazed hot as the sun and beat at a furious new speed.

Elizabeth entered the room. The tiny sound of her movements were so distinct, I could even tell that she wasn't walking as she moved on all fours crawling towards the bed.

The loudest sound in the room was my frenzied heart, pounding to the rhythm of the fire.

I had to assume she was attracted to the frenzied sound of my heart. It had to be almost over now.

My relief at the thought was overshadowed by the excruciating pain in my heart.

My wrists were free, though, and my ankles. The fire was totally extinguished there.

Was it safe for the baby to be here? Why was she crawling into the room on her own? How was she even able to crawl yet? She was only days old, but then everything else about her had been vastly accelerated from a normal pregnancy. Why would I expect anything to be normal now? But why hadn't Renée taken her away? Was mom ok? Was she still alive?

Hopefully I'd have those answers soon.

I felt the bed move, and then she was crawling onto the bed. My fingers twitched as Elizabeth brushed against them—the irritation breaking through my perfect façade. The room was silent besides the jack-hammering of my heart, the sound of Elizabeth breathing and the fast flutter of her tiny heart.

A tiny hand squeezed my wayward fingers.

Could I tell her to leave without screaming? I considered that for a moment, and then the fire ripped hotter still through my chest, draining in from my elbows and knees. I didn't seem to be particularly attracted to her scent, although it smelled delicious. Better not to chance it.

She crawled onto my chest, clinging to me. Her tiny head pressed to chest above my heart.

And then—oh!

My heart took off, beating like helicopter blades, the sound almost a single sustained note; it felt like it would grind through my ribs. The fire flared up in the center of my chest, sucking the last remnants of the flames from the rest of my body to fuel the most scorching blaze yet. The pain was enough to stun me, to break through my iron grip on reality. My back arched, bowed as if the fire was dragging me upward by my heart.

I allowed no other piece of my body to break rank as my torso slumped back to the table.

It became a battle inside me—my sprinting heart racing against the attacking fire.

Both were losing. The fire was doomed, having consumed everything that was combustible; my heart galloped toward its last beat.

The fire constricted, concentrating inside that one remaining human organ with a final, unbearable surge. The surge was answered by a deep, hollow-sounding thud. My heart stuttered twice, and then thudded quietly again just once more.

The sudden near silence was deafening. I made no sound. The only sound in the room was Elizabeth breathing and the fast flutter of her tiny heart as she clung to my chest.

For a moment, the absence of pain was all I could comprehend.

The TV in the living room was still on. I realized only then that there was another heartbeat, but it was beating fast racing as though from fear or heavy exercise. Someone—Renée?—was in the kitchen, but it sounded like they were on the floor.

I heard a faint, thudding rhythm, with a voice shouting angrily to the beat.

Rap music? I was mystified for a moment, and then the sound faded away like a car passing by with the windows rolled down.

With a start, I realized that this could be exactly right. Could I hear all the way to the county road?

And then I opened my eyes and gazed above me in wonder.

Everything was so clear. Sharp. Defined.

The clock radio on the nightstand caught my eye as I gazed in wonder at the room. It was November 13.

Two days, I thought to myself. That was quick. A venom-shot to the heart must work wonders. It had literally cut out hours of endless agony. Almost a full day faster than I expected. Two months to the day from my eighteenth birthday.

The brilliant light overhead was still blinding-bright, and yet I could plainly see the glowing strands of the filaments inside the bulb. I could see each color of the rainbow in the white light, and, at the very edge of the spectrum, an eighth color I had no name for. The glass shell of the bulb was heated by the filament, and I could see the waves of heat radiating outward from the light bulb.

Behind the light, I could distinguish the individual grains in the dark wood ceiling above. In front of it, I could see the dust motes in the air, the sides the light touched, and the dark sides, distinct and separate. They spun like tiny planets, moving around each other in a celestial dance.

The dust was so beautiful that I inhaled in shock; the air whistled down my throat, swirling the motes into a vortex. The action felt wrong.

I considered, and realized the problem was that there was no relief tied to the action. I didn't need the air. My lungs weren't waiting for it. They reacted indifferently to the influx.

I did not need the air, but I liked it. In it, I could taste the room around me—taste the lovely dust motes, the mix of the stagnant air mingling with the flow of slightly cooler air from the open door. Taste an abundant whiff of cotton. Taste an almost overwhelming aroma of something warm and desirable, something that should be moist, but wasn't.…

That smell made my throat burn dryly, a faint echo of the venom burn, though the scent was tainted by the bite of dryness. Age. Desiccated and old, but desirable still…

And most of all, I could taste an almost-strawberry-lilac-freesia-and-sun-flavored scent that was the strongest thing, the closest thing to me.

I knew what the smell that made my throat burn was. It had to be the smell of human blood. My human blood that had been flowing freely two days ago when I had lay here experiencing the simple human agony of my body being ripped apart by the birth of my daughter. That pain had been brief and fleeting, a gentle kiss from a lover compared to what I had experienced as I lay burning through the change.

I could feel Elizabeth, but I wanted to see her…

It was oddly difficult to think her name. My daughter; these words were even harder to think. It all seemed so distant. I tried to remember how I had felt two days ago, and automatically, my hands rose from where they lay at my sides and reached to my stomach.

Flat. Empty. I clutched at my hard impossibly smooth skin, panicking again, while an insignificant part of my mind noted that I was still a bloody mess. Why hadn't Renée done something about that? Why was she still her? She wasn't dead, I could hear her heartbeat.

I knew there was nothing left inside me, and I faintly remembered the bloody removal scene, but the physical proof was still hard to process. All I knew was loving my little nudger inside of me. Outside of me, she seemed like something I must have imagined. A fading dream—a dream that was half nightmare.

I knew what the almost-strawberry-lilac-freesia-and-sun-flavored scent was. I'd been braced for anything—for a scent as impossibly insistent as what the human smell of the dried blood promised. The temptation here was really not comparable. Elizabeth's fragrance was perfectly balanced right on the line between the scent of the most beautiful perfume and the scent of the most delicious food. There was enough of the sweet vampire smell to keep the human part from being overwhelming.

She was half human. Her heart beat and I could feel the blood that ran through her veins. I didn't want to put her in danger.

But I wasn't out of control. Confused, yes. Easily unfocused, yes. But dangerous? To her? My daughter?

I could be positive that the answer was no. She was lying on my chest, and I had no desire to attack her, despite the burn of the thirst. I needed to see her, because until I saw her again, she wouldn't be real. Just a fading dream…of a stranger…

Elizabeth seemed oblivious to the coolness of my skin, or at least very used to it.

It had taken the merest fraction of a second to process all of this, and it seemed very natural to lean down and press my lips to her forehead as she lay clinging to my chest. She smelled wonderful. The scent of her skin set my throat burning, but it was easy to ignore.

I cradled her in my arms, gently hugging her to my chest.

I reached out tentatively and stroked my fingertips across her cheek.

Smooth as satin, soft as a feather, but hot to the touch. Very much warmer than the temperature of my skin.

I was a newborn vampire. The dry, scorching ache in my throat gave proof to that. And I knew what being a newborn entailed. Human emotions and longings would come back to me later in some form, but I'd accepted that I would not feel them in the beginning. Only thirst. That was the deal. The price I'd agreed to pay.

But I could feel emotions. I loved my daughter, and I could feel the emotion well up inside me and overwhelm me as I felt the love of a mother for her child. She was mine, and I would do anything to protect her, to make her happy.

These emotions were so much stronger than I was used to that it was hard to stick to one train of thought despite the extra room in my head. Each new sensation overwhelmed me. I remembered Edward saying once—his voice in my head a weak shadow compared to the crystal clarity I was capable of perceiving now—that his kind, our kind, were easily distracted. I could see why.

I made a concerted effort to focus. There was something I needed to say. The most important thing.

Very carefully, so carefully that the movement was actually discernible, I brought my hands to Elizabeth's tiny body, and lifted her so I could look into her tiny perfect face. I refused to let myself be sidetracked by the pearly color of my hands or by the smooth silk of her skin or by the ethereal beauty of the tiny child.

Something in me clicked into place at that moment. The familiarity of her eyes, the way she seemed even more impatient than I did for this reunion—all of it wove together into the most natural of patterns as she clutched at my ruined shirt between us. Suddenly, she was absolutely real, and of course I knew her. It was perfectly ordinary that I should reach for her, putting my hands exactly where they would fit best as I lifted her gently from my chest.

I'd been right all along. She was worth the fight.

I basked in the sudden joy that flowed through me the moment I bonded with my daughter. Elizabeth was real and I knew her. She was the same one I'd fought for from the beginning. My little nudger, the one who loved me from the inside, too. Half Edward, perfect and lovely. And half me- which, surprisingly, made her better rather than detracting.

Seeing this unanticipated little person did not make her more real, though. It only made her more fantastic. I was out just two days? I thought to myself as I gasped, disbelieving. This fantastic ethereally beautiful child in my hands had to be weeks, if not months, old.

She was maybe twice the size of the baby in my dim memory, and she seemed to be supporting her own torso easily as she stretched toward me. I knew she could crawl on her own already, and she had climbed up onto the bed. Her shiny bronze-colored hair fell in ringlets past her shoulders. Her chocolate brown eyes examined me with an interest that was not at all childlike; it was adult, aware and intelligent.

If her face had not been astonishing in its beauty and perfection, I wouldn't have believed it was the same child. My child.

But Edward was there in her features, and I was there in the color of her eyes and cheeks. Even Charlie had a place in her thick curls, though their color matched Edward's.

She must be ours. Impossible, but still true.

I stared into her eyes and heard my own voice for the first time.

"I love you," I said, but it sounded like singing. My voice rang and shimmered like a bell.

Elizabeth's eyes stayed locked on mine. Then, as she had just seconds after her violent birth, she smiled at me. A brilliant flash of tiny, perfect white teeth, her answering smile dazzled me more than I ever had been by her father when I was human. I hugged her to my chest again, and nuzzled her cheek with mine.

She looked up and smiled at me again, showing her square little teeth and two dimples. Then, very deliberately, she reached for my face.

I was gasping, stunned and frightened by the strange, alarming image that filled my mind. It felt like a very strong memory—I could still see through my eyes while I watched it in my head—but it was completely unfamiliar. I stared through it to Elizabeth's expectant expression, trying to understand what was happening, struggling desperately to hold on to my calm.

Besides being shocking and unfamiliar, the image was also wrong somehow—I almost recognized my own face in it, but it was off, backward. I grasped quickly that I was seeing my face as others saw it, rather than flipped in a reflection.

My memory face was twisted, ravaged, covered in sweat and blood. Despite this, my expression in the vision became an adoring smile; my brown eyes glowed over their deep circles. The image enlarged, my face came closer to the unseen vantage point, and then abruptly vanished.

Elizabeth's hand dropped from my cheek. She smiled wider, dimpling again.

It was totally silent in the room but for the heartbeats. Only Elizabeth was so much as breathing. The silence stretched on; it seemed like she was waiting for me to say something.

I wanted to ask somebody what had just happened, but Elizabeth and I were alone here, and besides I realized what had happened when the initial shock wore off. "You showed me that?" I whispered.

I blinked quickly several times.

Umm... It was me that I had seen in the… vision? I was pretty sure, but I looked terrible. It was hard to explain, but I supposed it was effective as means of communications go.

I knew what it was, it was the only memory she had of me when I was awake. Before the burning started. She was letting me know that she'd made the connection, that she knew who I was.

"How did you do that?" I asked dumbfounded. It was essentially a rhetorical question because I doubted she could answer me. I would have been even more shocked if she had.

Elizabeth seemed unconcerned with my boggling eyes. She was smiling slightly and pulling on a lock of my hair.

Of course, she couldn't answer me. How did Edward hear thoughts? How did Alice see the future? I asked myself rhetorically, and then shrugged. "You're gifted, little one." She smiled her wide adorable smile, and my heart melted.

"Definitely an interesting twist, though" I told her. "Like you're doing the exact opposite of what your father can do."

I knew one compartment of my new vast mind was speculating away, but I didn't care. I was staring at the most beautiful face in the world. She was hot in my arms, reminding me of the moment when the blackness had almost won, when there was nothing in the world left to hold on to. Nothing strong enough to pull me through the crushing darkness. The moment when I'd thought of Elizabeth and found something I would never let go of.

"I remember you, too," I told her quietly.

All of this had taken place in the space of only a few moments, and my attention was drawn back to the other heartbeat in the kitchen. It hadn't moved but the sound of the heartbeat was so moist and appealing, that my mouth started watering.

It had to be Renée, but why was she still here? It was time to find out, and before I could consciously consider it, I was on my feet standing beside the bed.

I was momentarily preoccupied by the way my body moved. The instant I'd considered standing erect, I was already straight. There was no brief fragment of time in which the action occurred; change was instantaneous, almost as if there was no movement at all.

I surveyed the tableau; it looked like a scene from some gruesome slasher horror flick. The kind of B movie with a high body count where people keep disappearing in one horrendous scene after another.

The scalpel and syringes were still lying in the bed where Renée had used them. The floor and the bed were covered in dried blood, and the sheets were ruined. We'd never get all of the blood stains out. Thank god Renée had the foresight to lay out cheap disposable plastic drop cloths ahead of time when she was setting up, or we'd never have gotten the blood stains out of the floors or mattress.

I had to focus. I had allowed the scene in the room to distract me again. There was a heartbeat in the kitchen. I was going to check. It hadn't moved in all the time I had been paying attention to it, so apparently it wasn't going anywhere.

Elizabeth was naked but relatively clean. The disposable diapers were just large enough to fit her, and she didn't complain when I wrapped one around her. I got a blanket out of the dresser and wrapped her in it. I'd have to see if any of the clothes Renée had bought were large enough to fit her, but that could wait. My clothes were ripped, torn and a bloody mess. They were barely hanging on me now and I quickly shook them off onto the floor, kicking my feet free. I didn't bother dressing now. I was covered in dried blood, and I needed to shower, or I'd only ruin clean clothes.

I knew there was nobody here but the three of us. I had to go see what was wrong with mom. I needed to go to the kitchen. Again, it was like there was no movement. One moment I stood straight and still as a statue; in the same instant, I was in the doorway of the bedroom. Seconds later I was in the kitchen.

There was a woman's body on the kitchen floor lying in the doorway to the garage. The door was partially closed on her, and her upper body and torso was outside the door on the landing at the top of the stairs down to the garage.

I pulled the door open, and it was Renée. She appeared to be unconscious, but her eyes were pinched tightly shut, as though she was in agony.

"Oh my god, mom, what happened?" It was another rhetorical question, I knew she couldn't answer me, but apparently somebody else could.

Elizabeth reached up and laid her hand on my cheek, and memories flowed into my head. It had to be the first few minutes after Renée had injected the venom into me. She carried Elizabeth into the kitchen and washed her. Mom was reaching into the fridge for a container of blood, and Elizabeth bit her neck. She collapsed to the floor, and the memory ended.

"Elizabeth! You bit Renée? You can't bite people, baby! She's your grandmother, she's special! Ok? We don't do that. It isn't nice." She seemed to understand, and I hugged her and stroked her hair so she'd know I wasn't angry with her.

I knelt next to Renée and turned her head to look at her neck. There was a tiny white scar in the shape of a double crescent bite. It was perfectly healed and there wasn't even any dried blood. Her scent wasn't particularly appetizing. She still had a fairly strong human scent, but it was mixed with enough of the sweet vampire smell to keep the human part from being overwhelming. I had a feeling that the vampire scent would get stronger. It had only been two days. She probably wouldn't wake up until tomorrow.

I went and set Elizabeth on the couch. Then I went and effortlessly picked Renée up and carried her into her bedroom, and laid her on the bed. She felt feather light. It was like she weighed nothing at all.

There was a particularly unappetizing stench wafting in from the garage, and I was glad to be able to close the door to block it out.

I knew I couldn't do anything to make the burning easier, but at least I could try and make her more comfortable.

"I'm so sorry, mom. I didn't know this would happen. If you can hear me, the burning will end. I think you have another day to go, if it works like a normal change. The burning should stop tomorrow, and then we can talk about this."

I went back into the living room, and Elizabeth was waiting patiently for me. She held out her arms, and I bent and picked her back up.

She reached up and touched my cheek again. She showed me an image of the stairs in the garage. From the perspective, it was her crawling down them. I could feel all of her senses in the memory, and I knew she was thirsty.

It made my throat burn, watching the memory.

Then I saw the goat tethered by the door. Renée had brought one of the goats inside, in case she needed it for fresh blood after the baby was born. I guess it had been a good idea after all.

Elizabeth's point of view appeared to crouch, and then she launched herself at the goat. I was surprised how strong she was even as a newborn infant. The goat gave a startled bleat of alarm, and then was silent as Elizabeth's teeth sank into its throat.

She was thirsty again now, and she wanted me to feed her.

Of course my thirst had instantly become very uncomfortable as soon as the vision started. Fire flared and ripped at my throat and venom pooled in my mouth at the memories Elizabeth shared with me.

Until she'd showed it to me, the thirst wasn't actually unmanageable. There was so much room in my head. A separate part of my brain was keeping tabs on the burn in my throat, almost like a reflex, the way my old brain had handled breathing and blinking.

Elizabeth's vision brought the burn to the forefront of my mind.

Suddenly, the intense dry aching burn was all I could think about, and the more I thought about it, the more it hurt. My hand flew up to cup my throat, like I could smother the flames from the outside. The skin of my neck was strange beneath my fingers. So smooth it was somehow soft, though it was hard and impermeable, too.

I needed to hunt, I thought to myself.

My eyes opened wider and the pain of the thirst receded, shock taking its place.

Me? Hunt? What about Elizabeth? But…how? I didn't know what to do.

I had always wanted to see Edward hunt, but he wasn't around anymore to show me now. I suppose I was going to have to be self taught, but the topic dredged up cloudy human memories.

Muddy human memories of conversations surfaced and played through my mind. I had discussed this with the Cullen's. Edward refused to talk about it, but Alice, Jasper, and Emmett had been more than willing to discuss the finer points. Apparently, it would come to me naturally, Jasper had explained. 'Though it takes awhile to get the finer parts in tune,' he'd told me. I hadn't been able to figure that part out, but I assumed I'd discover what he meant soon enough.

I laughed in a short burst of humor (part of me listened in wonder to the pealing bell sound) as the thought of their words reminded me of other cloudy human conversations. And then I took a whole second to run quickly through those first days with Edward—the true beginning of my life—in my head so that I would never forget them.

I did not expect that it would be so uncomfortable to remember. Like trying to squint through muddy water. But it was more than just the lack of clarity. The memories were bitter sweet because of how they ended. Edward hadn't wanted me anymore, and now all I had left of him were cloudy indistinct memories and our daughter.

I knew from talking to Edward and Jasper that if I thought of my human memories enough, I wouldn't lose them over time.

I didn't want to forget one minute I'd spent with Edward, even now, when he had abandoned me and was no longer a part of my life. I would have to make sure those human memories were cemented into my infallible vampire mind.

I had let myself become distracted again, and Elizabeth touched my cheek impatiently to get my attention again.

"Sorry, Elizabeth, momma's new at all of this. Let's see what we have to eat."

We might as well give the pig's blood a try. We had a lot of it stocked up, and it wouldn't last forever. It was probably getting too old now. Besides, I didn't care how private these woods might be, given the blizzards before Elizabeth was born. I wasn't about to go streaking through the forest buck naked, and I needed a shower before I was going to get dressed.

I went into the kitchen, and got one of the containers of pig's blood out of the fridge and put it in the microwave to warm.

Renée had gotten some bottles and Sippy cups when she was buying baby supplies. Elizabeth seemed pretty advanced for being all of two days old, but she'd shown no interest in my breasts. Considering the fact that they wouldn't produce milk, and she'd already shown me that she was thirsty for blood, I doubted she'd be particularly interested in a nipple on a bottle.

The blood smelled ok to me. Not entirely appealing, but not bad either. I poured some into one of the cups, and snapped on the lid. I held the cup for Elizabeth, and tipped it back so she could take a sip. She liked it, and greedily strained to reach for the cup.

"Patients, Elizabeth, there's more. Don't try and drink too fast." I helped her, and after a couple of minutes, she was holding the cup on her own.

I picked up the container once Elizabeth was drinking, and sniffed the blood. It didn't smell bad, but it wasn't nearly as appealing as it had been when I was still human. I tipped the container back, and drank some. It was alright, and tasted ok, but nowhere close to how good it had tasted two days ago.

Elizabeth was still thirsty, and I was too. I heated another container and refilled her cup, and then I finished off the rest. It helped with the thirst, and made it easier to deal with the burn. I wasn't satisfied, but I was sated enough to focus a little easier. Elizabeth seemed satisfied for now, too. It was time to get cleaned up.

I picked up the baby carrier that Renée had bought as I passed it on our way to the bathroom. I didn't want to leave Elizabeth alone, but I didn't want to take her into the shower. She could sit in the carrier while I got cleaned up.

I walked into the bathroom, and glanced at the large mirror on the wall above the sink. I lost focus again as I stared into the mirror.

I was only aware of Elizabeth in my arms with the lesser part of my concentration. The greater part was riveted on the stranger in the mirror.

My first reaction was an unthinking pleasure. The alien creature in the glass was indisputably beautiful, every bit as beautiful as my memories of Alice or Esme. She was fluid even in stillness, and her flawless face was pale as the moon against the frame of her dark, heavy hair. Her limbs were smooth and strong, skin glistening subtly, luminous as a pearl.

My second reaction was horror. I had discarded my torn and bloody clothing in the bedroom, but I was still a bloody mess. That wasn't the reason for my horror.

Who was she? At first glance, I couldn't find my face anywhere in the smooth, perfect planes of her features.

And her eyes! Though I'd known to expect them, her eyes still sent a thrill of terror through me.

All the while I studied and reacted, her face was perfectly composed, a carving of a goddess, showing nothing of the turmoil roiling inside me. And then her full lips moved.

"The eyes?" I spoke aloud, unwilling to think 'my eyes'. How long? I wondered as I stared at the reflection.

I knew from cloudy conversations that rolled through my minds eye that they'd darken up after several months. I had discussed this with Edward and later Alice and Carlisle had confirmed the story.

I knew animal blood would dilute the color more quickly than a diet of human blood. They'd turn amber first, then gold as long as I stuck to a diet of animal blood, but my eyes would blaze like vicious red flames for as long as six months or more. It would take longer due to my human blood lingering in my system. It didn't take as long to recover the golden color after an accident… I shuddered at the thought.

Months? I thought, stressed at the recollection of past conversations. In the mirror, the perfect eyebrows lifted incredulously above her glowing crimson eyes—brighter than any I'd ever seen before.

I looked away and took another deep, unnecessary breath.

My eyes flickered to the stranger in the mirror and back. With an effort of will, I controlled my emotions.

I had to be strong for Elizabeth. I stopped the negative emotions in their tracks. I was upset, but I knew I couldn't let it control my actions, and I reined it in, regaining power over myself.

I was handling it, but I didn't know how long it could hold.

I considered that for a portion of a second. At any moment, would I snap? Turn into a monster?

According to my recollection, newborns were supposed to be prone to violent mood swings and volatile emotional outbursts. I couldn't be like that. I had to stay in control. I had to hold it together for Elizabeth's sake. She needed me to be strong.

I couldn't feel it coming on.… Maybe there was no way to anticipate such a thing.

I looked back at the mirror.

I stared at the beautiful woman with the terrifying eyes, looking for pieces of me.

There was something there in the shape of her lips—if you looked past the dizzying beauty, it was true that her upper lip was slightly out of balance, a bit too full to match the lower. Finding this familiar little flaw made me feel a tiny bit better. Maybe the rest of me was in there, too.

I raised my hand experimentally, and the woman in the mirror copied the movement, touching her face, too.

Her crimson eyes watched me warily.

"Oh well," I said lightly, turning to look at Elizabeth. "At least I'm pretty."

It was becoming easier to joke with her as I adjusted, to think in straight lines.

To be myself.

Elizabeth touched her tiny hand to my cheek, and an image of myself looking into the mirror flashed into my head, tinged with loving adoration.

Then her face nuzzled into my neck as she hugged me, and I sighed. "Alright, so you think I'm more than pretty? I think you're pretty special too."

I put Elizabeth in the carrier, and ran the shower. I had to turn it on hotter than I would have as a human, but the hot water felt good. I washed the dried blood off of my body and washed my hair. I was surprised how much better I felt after the shower.

Elizabeth was very quiet in her carrier when I got out of the shower. Her eyes were closed and I was worried that something was wrong. She was still breathing, and I could hear her heartbeat. Panic gripped me, and then I realized that she was asleep.

It seemed strange to me, given what I knew about vampires. The Cullen's had not slept at all, and had told me that vampires didn't sleep, but my strange beautiful half vampire baby was sound asleep in her carrier now that her belly was full.

I got dried off and then picked up Elizabeth's carrier, and went back into the bedroom. I got dressed, but most of my clothes didn't quite fit me right anymore. My figure was a little fuller, and I had more curves than I remembered my human body having in the days after my birthday.

I had looked like a typical teenaged human girl back then. It was hard for me to describe, but I had a woman's body now, and I was certain I'd be able to pass for older than eighteen with very little effort. Definitely nothing that would be mistaken for childlike or immature here. I'd likely have to make a conscious effort and wear the right clothes to pass for a teenager.

The next task on the list was getting the house cleaned up and back in order. I carried Elizabeth back out to the living room, and set her carrier on the sofa, and then went to the kitchen and collected cleaning supplies.

I put away all of the instruments and medical supplies, taking time to clean the scalpel and syringes, and other instruments that Renée had used during the delivery.

I stripped the bed and wadded up the ruined sheets and drop cloths, and stuffed them into a garbage bag. I didn't want to simply put it out with the trash. I wasn't exactly sure how garbage was processed here, but if anyone found it and tested it, we could have the cops knocking on the door to find out who we'd killed. I went to put it in the garage, so we could bury it or burn it later, and then I remembered the stink coming from the garage.

It was coming from the dead goat that Elizabeth had attacked and fed on while Renée and I were both burning through the change. I bent down to examine the carcass.

Its neck was broken, and I found the bite marks on the front of its neck where Elizabeth had torn out its throat. It wasn't just bled out though. The goat looked partially eaten, like she had fed on its flesh besides simply drinking the blood.

This was a new one on me. Everything that my cloudy human memories told me about the Cullen's hunting habits had always only been about blood. There were no stories about them eating any other parts of their kills. They didn't bring home any leftovers, and they most definitely didn't eat food. Could Elizabeth eat food? Solids and human food and not just blood?

It seemed like she could. I hadn't found any chunks of coughed up goat meat lying around. I found a soiled diaper in the garage by the carcass of the goat when I looked around to examine the area more closely. I hadn't found any other signs of waste in the house, but it was most likely a good idea that I'd put a clean diaper on her. At least until we trained her how to use the toilet, but the way she was progressing and growing so fast, that wouldn't likely take very long.

I moved the goat carcass and the garbage bag outside the garage door. The icy temperature outside had no effect on me when I stepped outside into the snow. I was already outside, so I decided to go check on the rest of the goats. Renée had been incapacitated for the last two days, so I wanted make sure they had food and water.

I could hear the warm moist thudding of their hearts pick up and beat faster and the panicked bleating as they fled from the door in terror as I approached the barn. I went inside, and I could smell their fear. The sound of the thudding hearts made the venom pool in my mouth and my throat burned again, although I didn't find their scent particularly attractive.

I put out more feed and made sure they had water, but I found it difficult to focus through the thirst. I knew I had to learn how to hunt soon, but I didn't want to leave Elizabeth and Renée alone. Maybe just one goat would make me feel better.

I crouched, and then suddenly I was among them on the other side of the barn. My hand flashed out faster that a lightning strike and a goat was struggling in my grasp. I didn't want to traumatize the rest of the herd anymore than necessary. I was back at the door as soon as I decided to be there, and then I stepped out into the snow.

The goat was struggling wildly and bleating its panicked cry of despair. I blocked it out, and focused on the wet moist thudding of its beating heart. I could see the pulse point throbbing in its throat, calling to me, mesmerizing me, and then my razor sharp teeth were sinking into its flesh.

The hot blood flowed into my mouth and splashed down my throat, and it was a hundred times better than the pig's blood. I quickly drained it, and considered going back for another, but I didn't want to be greedy.

I went back to the garage door, and dropped the goat carcass with the other. I covered them with snow, and then went back inside. I'd deal with the remains once Renée was awake.

Elizabeth was still asleep, and Renée was still unconscious, but her heart sounded strong. I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning the house. I finished the bedroom, and scrubbed the rest of the blood stains with bleach and ammonia until I couldn't smell the lingering scent of blood anymore. I mopped up the dried blood stains on the floor in the living room, and the dried goat blood and bodily fluids on the floor in the garage.

I did my best to get the blood stain out of the sofa cushion, using ice water and detergent to soak the dried blood and blot it out of the fabric. Hot water would just set the stain. I used ammonia and ice water next and finally blotted at the cushion with a soft terry cloth towel and more clean ice water. I could still tell where the stain had been with my enhanced senses, but the blood scent was mostly gone, masked by the detergent and ammonia stink. I doubted a human would be able to tell there had been a spill, and if they did, they wouldn't know what it was.

Elizabeth woke up later while I was finishing cleaning up the house, and sat quietly watching me. She seemed a little uncomfortable, but she never cried. I went to check her, and it turned out the diaper was a good idea. I changed her, and then we went to the bedroom, and we sorted through the clothes Renée had bought to see what she could wear.

Most of the clothes were much too small. It was like she had almost completely bypassed the newborn phase in two days time, but Renée had picked up a few thing she could still wear. Probably things she'd bought ahead, thinking she would grow into them. I found her a pair of pajamas to wear, and then I got her some more pig's blood for supper.

We lay down on the bed after she'd eaten, and I read to her. I didn't know how much of the story she understood, but she seemed to be soothed by the sound of my voice. It was peaceful and she seemed content. We were bonding, and after a while, she dropped back off to sleep. I just lay and held her as she slept. I found that if I touched her tiny hand to my cheek, I could see her dreams as she slept. It was mostly just bright colors and random images, but her brain was putting the pieces together, and I could almost see her learning.

Later the next day, I noticed the change in Renée's heartbeat. Elizabeth was sitting on the floor in the living room playing with some of the baby toys that Renée had bought. I had found the local Public Broadcasting Station on the television, and had it turned on to some children's educational shows. Elizabeth seemed to absorb knowledge like a sponge, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to have her learn numbers and letters by having the friendly puppets on the kids show talk and sing about them.

Elizabeth noticed the change too, and started to crawl towards the bedroom. I was sitting at the dining room table, doing some research on the internet, but I was up as soon as I thought it. I scooped Elizabeth up off the floor, and we went into the bedroom to wait for Renée to wake up.

The change had been kind to Renée, and had shaved years off of her appearance. She was thirty-seven years old, but she'd always been youthful in her appearance, and very fit for her age. The roundness in her face was gone and the planes and angles of her features were more defined, sharper. The beginnings of wrinkles were gone as was any trace of sag or the negative effect of gravity and time.

I had always thought mom had been pretty. Now she was beautiful with the kind of looks that made people stop in the street and stare or that you only saw in movies or retouched magazine covers.

Renée's heartbeat, already racing too fast, had picked up and started to beat even faster. I recognized this from my own change, and if she was like me, then she had only minutes left to go.

The loudest sound in the room was her frenzied heart, and I knew the fire had to be reaching its peak. It had been like that for me—my sprinting heart racing against the attacking fire.

Her heart took off, beating like helicopter blades, the sound almost a single sustained note. I knew she was close to the end. The end of the pain, but this had been the very worst moment of the burning as the pain reached its peak, and my heart had felt as though it would literally burst from my chest. The pain was enough to stun me, and nearly break my resolve.

Her back arched, bowed as if the fire and pain was dragging her upward by her heart. I reached out and took her hand to reassure her, and offer what comfort I could.

Her heart stuttered twice, and then thudded quietly again just once more.

There was silence in the room but for the soft flutter of Elizabeth's heart and our quiet breathing for the space of several seconds.

Then Renée gasped sucking in a lung full of air, and her heart thudded again.

I was frozen in shock. My heart hadn't done that. Was the change over? Was she done with the burning? How long would this go on?

Her heart beat again. A pause and then again.

Slowly the pace increased to a slow steady rhythm. Slower than any human heart, perhaps by half, but her heart beat.

I was still holding Renée's hand, and squeezed it lightly to try and reassure her that everything was alright. It must have startled her. It had to be unfamiliar, and not a touch she expected. My skin was perfectly smooth, but it was the wrong temperature. Too cold. Renée was much warmer than I expected, and it had to feel alien to her.

She responded to the unfamiliar touch in a way that shocked me even more than her heartbeat or warm skin.

Air hissed up out of her throat, spitting through her clenched teeth with a low, menacing sound like a swarm of bees. Before the sound was out, her muscles bunched and arched, twisting away from the unknown. She flipped off her back in a spin so fast it would have appeared as though she crossed the room in an incomprehensible blur—to human senses. But she didn't blur into motion to my senses. I saw every detail of the sudden movement.

I could see the disruption of the pattern of every dust mote hanging in the air, every splinter in the wood-paneled walls, and every loose thread in the fabric of the clothes and the bedding in microscopic detail as my eyes tracked her movement and she whirled past me.

She landed in a defensive crouch against the wall as her startled eyes scanned the room. Her bright blue eyes.

I saw her rapidly assess the situation—about a sixteenth of a second later—I could tell she already understood what had startled her, and that she had overreacted.

I saw the recognition in her expression as first she studied me and realized who I was, and then her eyes were on Elizabeth, studying her face and features.

She held her pose for an eighth of a second longer, adjusting to the scene before her. She was reacting like a vampire even if she did still have a heartbeat, slightly warm skin and bright blue eyes.

I was leaning across the bed, and extended my hand to reach out toward her. I knew my expression was likely anxious, but I wanted to reassure her that she was safe, and smiled to let her know she was ok.

She stared at Elizabeth's face like it was the most important thing, but I knew her peripheral vision was cataloging everything else, just in case. I was well aware of the instinct to defend that had been triggered, and we were both automatically searching for any sign of danger.

I had Elizabeth wrapped protectively in my arm ready to flee and defend her if I had too. Like there was danger.

Renée's nostrils flared, searching for the threat. I knew she could smell nothing out of place. That faint scent of something delicious—but marred by harsh chemicals—tickled my throat again, setting it to aching and burning. I had been meticulous in my cleaning but the faint scent of blood stubbornly lingered in the air.

My smile seemed to reassure her and then she put the pieces together. My protective stance, the way I held the baby ready to bolt and flee was correct, as she had assumed. What she hadn't grasped immediately was that she was the danger.

Finally she realized that there was no danger here beside herself, and she automatically straightened out of her crouch; almost a whole second had passed since she'd been on the bed.

"Bella?" She asked, and then stopped in shock at the musical quality of her voice. "How long was I out?" She asked slightly awestruck and disoriented by everything her new expanded senses were feeding her.

I could understand her apprehension. The burning could seem timeless and very disorienting, and Elizabeth looked weeks or months old now.

"It's only been three days mom. I'm so sorry. I had no idea this would happen."

"Three days? I would have guessed longer. A lot longer." Her gaze turned to Elizabeth. "You bit me, you little scamp. That hurt like hell."

Elizabeth hugged me tighter, and ducked into my hair to hide. Then she peaked out through the curtain of hair to see if Renée was mad.

"I'm not mad at you, sweet pea. I guess it was just your natural instinct. I feel so strange now, but at least I'm up and around. Has Phil called Bella? My leave of absence is almost up, and I need to make arrangements to get back home. Are you and Elizabeth going to be alright?"

Her phone had rung, but I'd just let it go to voicemail. I didn't know what to say… I needed to talk to Renee to decide how much we would tell Phil…

"Mom? Don't you realize what's happened? You can't go home… Doesn't your throat burn?"

Her hand flew up to cup her throat, like mine had only yesterday, as if she could smother the flames from the outside. She swallowed convulsively and her eyes were huge as she stared at me.

"C'mon, let's go to the kitchen. I'll get you something to help that, and then we can talk." Renée nodded, and followed me.

I walked out of the bedroom into the living room, and bright afternoon sunlight was streaming in through the window. I didn't give it any thought at all as I walked into the light to go to the kitchen, but Renée gasped startled again as the beam of light refracted off my skin and exploded into bright dazzling rainbow sparkles.

I turned to look at her as she marveled at the sunlight refracting off of her hands, and then she shook herself and focused to follow me into the kitchen.

It was interesting to note that Elizabeth didn't sparkle like either Renée or I. Her skin appeared to softly glow, like back lit alabaster. It was nowhere near as obviously different from human skin as either mine or Renée's skin. She would likely be able to go out in the sunlight around humans when she got older, unlike me or Renée.

Mom followed me into the kitchen, and I saw the look of shock on her face again when I got out one of the containers of blood and heated it in the microwave. Renée seemed both ravenous and simultaneously disgusted as I took the container out and handed it to her. I saw her nostrils flare as she sniffed at the blood, and she looked so hungry I could almost imagine the venom pooling in her mouth.

The thirst won out, and she drank the pig's blood in the container. She only stopped to catch her breath, and then tipped the container back to get the last drop.

"Oh My God! I can't believe I just did that! That is so disgusting! Bella! What the hell happened to me?"

"Did it taste disgusting?" I asked, curious. She drank it like she was absolutely ravenous.

"No… It tasted good… But the idea is just so disgusting!"

Then Renée suddenly reached into the fruit bowl next to the microwave on the counter. She grabbed an apple and bit into it. I was expecting her to gag and spit it out, but she swallowed the mouthful of apple and took another bite.

"You can eat that? Does it taste good to you?" I asked, incredulous.

Renée shrugged. "It's an apple. I just needed something to get that texture out of my mouth. It tastes better than I remember, but it's still an apple."

She wasn't a normal vampire. Her heart still beat. Her skin still flushed. Apparently she could still eat food and she wasn't quite cold. Not as warm as Elizabeth, and not as cold as me either, but cooler than any human. Elizabeth had turned her, she bit her and changed her and now she was more like Elizabeth than any normal vampire I had met or ever heard of.

She still seemed to have the same strong bloodlust as regular vampires, and her skin refracted light like mine... yet her heart beat, but only very slowly, and her eyes were still blue. Brighter than when she was human, but they didn't glow red like mine.

"Mom, you have to realize what's happened, don't you? Elizabeth bit you, and you lay burning for three days. You're a vampire now mom, but you aren't a normal vampire like me or the Cullens. You're more like Elizabeth."

Renée sighed. "I was afraid you were going to say that. I'll just have to deal with this, I guess, but I need to get back home. My leave will be up at the end of this week. I need to go home to Phil, and get back to my kids at school."

She was in denial. She couldn't just 'deal with it'; people would die if we weren't extremely careful. I was going to have to make her understand.

"Mom, Renée… You can't go to Florida… You saw what happened when you walked in front of the window. How often is it sunny in Jacksonville? You can't live there, unless you only go out at night."

"I can't stay here! What about Phil and my kids?"

"You feel the burn in your throat. You just drank blood! It tasted good, and that was week old pig's blood. Fresh blood is hundreds of times better. You wouldn't be able to stop yourself if you smelled a human and heard their heartbeat. Do you really want to find out what would happen if you saw Phil? Or how you'd feel if you walked into that kindergarten classroom? You wouldn't even make it onto the plane, even if you could stand walking through the airport."

"I can't be a vampire! I don't want this! This was the life you wanted! I helped you… It was the only way you could live! Your vampire friends were able to cope with this. They went to school with you! Why can't I live like that?"

"They've had fifty years of practice, and it's still a struggle for them. That's why Edward abandoned me! His brother almost killed me, and they were used to having me around. Maybe in a year or two…"

"A year or two! I can't stay way for a year! They won't hold my job that long! What will I tell Phil!"

"I'm sorry, mom. I'm so sorry. You can find another job once you learn to control the bloodlust. You're going to have to tell Phil the truth. There's no going back from this, but you can't tell him on the phone, and you can't be near him, or you might hurt him."

"You're jumping to conclusions, Bella. You say I'm more like Elizabeth. How am I different? Umm… Do my eyes look like yours?"

"No, your eyes are still blue. Brighter than before, but they aren't red like mine. You should look in a mirror. You're actually very beautiful, and younger looking than before." Renée seemed to relax a little at that revelation at least. "You have a heartbeat. Your skin still flushes, so I assume you heart is still pumping something close to blood. Apparently you can still eat food and you aren't quite cold, not as warm as Elizabeth, not as cold as me either, but colder than a human."

Renée winced and gave a little shudder when I made the distinction between her temperature and a human. It implied that she wasn't human anymore, but something different. The idea that she wasn't human anymore was starting to sink in. She knew it was true, but she didn't like the notion that she was something other than human now.

"So this is all good news right? I'm not really like you…"

"No, not completely like me… But you still seem to have the same strong bloodlust as regular vampires, and your skin refracts light like mine. Those are the main reasons why we can't be around people yet. One makes us stand out so people know we're different, and the other, the bloodlust makes us dangerous because it makes us want to eat people."

"I'm not some kind of monster! I don't want to eat people!"

"We don't know that yet. I don't want to be a monster either, and I have no intention of eating anybody, but we have to be careful to make sure that doesn't happen. First you need to learn how to hunt so you can deal with the bloodlust, then we can experiment to see if you can be around people."

"How are we going to do that if it's dangerous to be around them? Do you even know how to hunt?"

"Well… not exactly… I… I ate one of the goats yesterday, and it was easier than I thought it would be. I've heard stories, and it's supposed to be natural, like you have a natural instinct that takes over and guides you. Elizabeth even has the instinct to hunt. She ate the goat you left in the garage when she was only a day old. That's why it's dangerous to be around people, we have to learn to control the instinct to hunt. It's supposed to easier if you stay well fed."

"Ok, so I need to try hunting… So, this hunting… it will get rid of this burn in my throat?"

"No, hunting animals and staying well fed only makes it easier to deal with. Only one thing will make the burn go away…"

"What? How do I fix it then?"

"Only one thing will take away the burn, mom… and then only temporarily."

Renée closed her eyes, and looked away "What? What will stop it?" but she already knew what I was going to say before I said it.

"Human blood. It's the only thing that takes away the burn of the thirst."

"Jesus, Bella! And you wanted this? You begged Edward to do this to you, and then gave him grief because he wouldn't? I'm learning to understand his motivation a little more clearly!"

"What about Phil? You know you won't be able to be with him anymore. It'll be years before you're able to even be close to him without wanting to kill him. Edward was worth it. Elizabeth is worth it. I had to do this. I'm sorry you got dragged into this too, mom."

"Fine. No sense crying over spilled milk. I assume there's no cure?"

"No, it's permanent. There's no going back. If there was a way, Edward's sister Rosalie or his Father, Carlisle, would have found it by now. Carlisle waited nearly three hundred years before he changed Edward, and he only chose him because he was already dying."

"Well, I guess this is better than death. You would have died if I didn't inject you with the venom, but then you wanted this before you knew you were pregnant. I didn't want this, and I wasn't dying. Why did Elizabeth bite me?"

"It's just a theory I have, but I think she bit you to create a caretaker, someone to watch over her while she grows up. I've never heard of another hybrid like her. She has to be very rare, but I can't believe she's totally unique. From my own experience, I doubt if any of the mothers survive the birth. She tried to bite me, and that may have been enough to save me, but I doubt it. I'll bet she has an instinct to bite the people around her until she can make somebody change. She was attracted to the sound of our changing heartbeats when we got close to the end of the change."

"Ok, that would explain a lot. After she was born, it was like there was some kind of magical attraction to her, and I wanted to protect her. Even when I started to burn, she was still the most important thing."

"Do you still feel like that?"

"…yes… I do. I know I'd do anything to protect her and keep her safe… Can I hold her?"

"Sure, mom," I turned to look at Elizabeth. "You know your grandma Renée, Elizabeth. She cared for you when you were first born." I could tell she understood me, and she reached out and touched my cheek.

The memory of Renée carrying her from the bloody scene in the bedroom to the kitchen replayed through my head. Then Elizabeth reached out her arms to Renée so she could take her.

Renée took the baby and cradled her in her arms and hugged her. I could see the loving adoration in her eyes as she gazed at Elizabeth with an almost religious reverence. Then Elizabeth reached up and touched her tiny hand to Renée's cheek, and mom froze with a shocked look on her face.

"What was that?" She gasped.

"What did she show you?"

"She did that? It was like a memory of when I first carried her out of the bedroom into the kitchen and washed her."

"She's showing you that she remembers who you are. It's her first memory of you. Elizabeth is gifted. It's effective as a means of communication. She gets her point across."

"Gifted? Can you do this too?" and then Renée tensed and looked uncomfortable, and her hand cupped her throat again.

"Let me guess, that was her memory of hunting the goat in the garage? And now you're thirsty again." I opened the fridge and got out another container of blood to heat up.

"Yes, how did you know?"

"I felt the same way when she showed me. And no, I can't project memories and feelings like Elizabeth. I don't know if I have any extra or special abilities yet. Sometimes when people are turned, and become vampires they are reborn with an extra gift. Edward can read minds, but he couldn't read mine. He said I was the only exception to his gift. His sister, Alice, would get visions of the future. Not every vampire is reborn with special powers. It's supposed to be somewhat rare."

I handed Renée the container of blood while we talked. She made a face like it grossed her out, but she drank it, and she didn't complain. I could see the relief on her face even if the thought of what she was doing didn't agree with her.

"Ok, so my granddaughter is gifted, and you're at least special. I always knew you were, even if you didn't listen to me and got in trouble with your boyfriend. So, where do we go from here?"

"Well, the most important thing at this point is learning to hunt."

"Right, hunting… Umm… so what do we hunt? Rabbits and squirrels?"

"Maybe slightly bigger game, mom. Deer are supposed to be pretty easy to hunt, and they're very abundant, but predators, like lion or bear are supposed to taste better."

"Deer? Lions and bears! What the hell are we supposed the hunt them with? I didn't notice a rifle lying next to me when I woke up!"

"Umm… I don't think you'll need one, mom. Why don't we go out to the barn, and we can see how you do with one of the goats. Then maybe we can go try this. Ok?"

"You want me to eat a goat? Eat it raw… just grab it and drink its blood…"

"It's a vampire thing, mom… It's what we do, how we live, how we survive without killing people. If you aren't thirsty right now, we can wait and give you some time to get used to all of this."

Renée looked uncomfortable, and I knew she was thirsty. I was thirsty and could feel the burn in my throat, but somehow I was holding it together to be able to explain all of this to her. It seemed odd to suddenly be thrust into the role of mentor and teacher, when all I had to go on were vague cloudy memories of conversations that felt like they belonged to another lifetime, but I was going to have to be our guide if we were going to get through this.

I was only a day old newborn myself, and I was shocked that I was capable of so much restraint and control. That didn't seem to match with what I had gleaned from the stories I'd heard. I didn't seem like a typical newborn at all, but then Alice had been alone when she woke up, and she hadn't gone on any murderous rampages. She would have to be my role model. If she could survive this with nothing but a vision for inspiration, then I should be able to do this after having known Carlisle's family for as long as I had.

"No," she said, "let's do this. The sooner I start practicing, the better."

Renée followed me out of the cabin and back out to the barn. We we're standing outside the door, and I could hear the frantic bleating and the moist panicked thudding of the small herd of goats racing heartbeats.

She looked torn. On the one hand, I knew she felt disgusted with the idea of attacking a healthy living creature and drinking its blood, but I could see the burning thirst taking its toll, and driving her to act.

"Ok, what do I do?"

"Well, when I tried this, I grabbed a goat and brought it back outside. I didn't want the rest of the goats to see what I was doing… I just listened to its heartbeat, and watched the blood flowing through the pulse point in its throat, and instinct took over…"

"Ok… Here, take the baby."

Renée handed Elizabeth back to me, and stepped through the door into the barn. The panicked bleating intensified momentarily, I heard the sound or her rapid footsteps and pounce, and then she was back at the door stepping through with the goat struggling in her grip. She glanced over at me, and then concentrated on the goat for a second.

The venom pooled in my mouth at the sound of its moist thudding heart, but somehow I restrained myself. Then Renée was sinking her teeth into its throat and I could sense her drinking… Her cheeks moved and I could hear the flow of blood as I watched her swallowing. Then the heartbeat faded and she sucked it dry.

She released the carcass of the goat and it dropped limp into the snow still faintly warm as its body rapidly cooled. Renée looked away and wouldn't meet my eyes as she came to grips with the hunger that had consumed her as she fed.

"Maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to be around people for a while. That was so much more satisfying than the blood in the fridge, but still lacking… Not completely satisfying, somehow. You were right about the instinct thing… It was easy once I let go and just went with it."

Elizabeth reached up and put her hand on my cheek. She replayed the memory of Renée draining the goat and dropping it into the snow. I could feel the question and her hunger accompanying the memory. She wanted to know why she was wasting it. She was hungry too. The pig's blood was ok, but I knew she'd prefer a fresh kill.

"Don't worry, little one, we'll get you something to eat soon." I reassured Elizabeth. Then I turned back to Renée. "Are you ok, mom?"

"I'm fine, still thirsty, but I'm starting to come to terms with this. If this is what we have to do to survive, I'll deal. I guess it's better than eating people. Is Elizabeth hungry too?"

"Yes, you're making Elizabeth more thirsty by the second." I didn't mention that I was getting thirsty after watching her feed. "She'll be ok once we've hunted." Renée looked at me as understanding dawned on her, and she knew I was thirsty too.

I looked at Renée's worried expression and nodded. She knew I needed to hunt too. I didn't want to snap here, if that was coming. Better to be surrounded by trees than family.

"Are you sure we need to do this hunting thing? The pig's blood seems easier to me. Besides, what about the goats, isn't that easier than messing about in the woods trying to find our next meal?"

"The pig blood is convenient, but you and I both know it's nowhere near as satisfying. And how would we get more? We have to be able to be around people to go pick it up and buy it. Livestock is too expensive and inconvenient for our needs. If we had a source to sell the meat, we might recoup some of the investment, but we couldn't keep buying animals like this for any length of time, and they have the same drawback as the pig blood. We'd have to meet with people to buy them. Later on we can supplement our diet with blood we buy, if we need too. For now, we're going to have to hunt to satisfy our needs, at least until we know it's safe to be around humans."

"Fine, I can see your point, but what about Elizabeth? Does one of us need to stay here with her?"

"She need's to eat too, I guess we should try bringing her. Maybe we can take turns. I'm hoping we can share with her until she's big enough to hunt on her own."

"Okay. Let's hunt," She agreed. A thrill of nerves and anticipation made my stomach quiver. "How do we do this?" She asked.

"You noticed how easy it is to move, right?" I asked reaching for one of her hands, and turned toward the forest beyond the cleared space around the out buildings. "C'mon, let me show you."

I moved toward the trees moving faster into a jog as we reached the edge of the forest, and continued to pick up speed until the trees were flashing past. Renée seemed awestruck at first at the speed as we ghosted through the forest. I knew what to expect, but this was still a completely new experience for me as well.

I remembered running with Edward in my hazy human memories. I had been fearful at first that we'd crash into the trees, and I was scared of the speed, but I had come to enjoy the exhilaration of the freedom of running. The closeness I had shared with Edward when we ran had become special to me. I had grown to love running with Edward. Now I finally understood how he could move so easily through the forest so fearlessly with such a sense of confidence.

I could finally understand why Edward never hit the trees when he ran—a question that had always been a mystery to me. It was a peculiar sensation, the balance between the speed and the clarity. For, while I rocketed over, under, and through the thick jade maze at a rate that should have reduced everything around me to a streaky green blur, I could plainly see each tiny leaf on even the smallest branches of even the most insignificant shrub that I passed. The trees were plainly visible in microscopic detail. I could avoid them with ridiculous ease even while moving at speeds that would have reduced my passage to a blur to human senses.

The wind of my speed blew my hair out behind me, and, though I knew it shouldn't, it felt warm against my skin. Just as the rough forest floor shouldn't feel like velvet beneath my feet, and the limbs that whipped against my skin shouldn't feel like caressing feathers. I had been so distracted by the events surrounding Renee waking up; I hadn't thought to put on my shoes. It was a sign of just how disturbing this turn of events was to her that she hadn't even noticed either.

I was momentarily concerned for Elizabeth, but she didn't seem at all fazed by the speed of our passage or the caress of the forest. In fact a wide grin spread across her tiny face, and she seemed as excited about running as me. I was careful to shield her from the worst of the tree limbs and only the softest tips and leaves brushed against her. I was pretty sure that her skin was just as impenetrable as mine, but I had no desire to put it to the test.

The forest was much more alive than I'd ever known—small creatures whose existence I'd never guessed at teemed in the leaves around me. They all grew silent as we passed, their breath quickening in fear. The animals had a much wiser reaction to our scent than humans seemed to. Certainly, it'd had the opposite effect on me.

Apparently I had been quite unique in that reaction to the vampires I had known. It had shocked Edward at first, and confused his family that I could feel so at ease around all of them. Jasper had been shocked that I didn't seem to have any fear of them.

The animal instincts were stronger than my human ones ever were, and they had the appropriate reaction to the passage of predators in such close proximity. Fear, silence, and blind panic to flee for their lives.

I kept waiting to feel winded, but my breath came effortlessly. I waited for the burn to begin in my muscles, but my strength only seemed to increase as I grew accustomed to my stride. My leaping bounds stretched longer, and soon Renée was trying to keep up with me. I laughed again, exultant, when I heard her falling behind.

My naked feet touched the ground so infrequently now it felt more like flying than running.

"Bella," she called dryly, her voice a little petulant, exasperated. I could hear nothing else; she had stopped.

The speed and power was exhilarating, and I wanted to keep running, but, with a sigh, I whirled and skipped lightly to her side, some hundred yards back. She looked at me expectantly. She was smiling, with one eyebrow raised. But she looked tired? Maybe this was another difference. I could have gone on effortlessly for days, but Renée looked like she was feeling the strain of exertion from running. It felt odd to me.

"Did you want to stay in the state?" she asked, annoyed. "Or were you planning to continue on to North Dakota this afternoon?"

"This is fine," I agreed, concentrating less on what she was saying than on the fact that she sounded slightly winded. It was hard not to become sidetracked with everything fresh in my strong new eyes. "Are you tired, mom?"

"We just ran what miles? I have no idea, but it was only a couple of minutes. It was amazing, but yeah, I'm a little tired. I not a kid anymore, Bella."

"Mom… Renée… Age doesn't matter anymore. You aren't going to get any older. Are you really tired, or do you just think you should be tired, so you're making yourself feel it? How does your body really feel? Are you tired, or is it in your head?"

"I… I don't know. It was effortless when we started running, but after the first burst of speed I started to feel the strain. I pushed myself to keep up with you, but then I had to stop. Now that I've rested for a bit, I could go on if I wanted too. Maybe we should try this hunting thing, and then head back home to the cabin."

"Ok, let's hunt."

"What are we hunting?"

"Whatever we can find. I did some research on this area while you were still out. Whitetail and mule deer are abundant, and elk is common here too. There are mountain lion in the hills here too, if we get lucky, but they're semi-protected with a limited number of tags issued each year."

"I didn't think we were worrying about tags. Besides, I don't have a hunting license."

"Ha ha. I don't have one either, but we don't want to be injudicious in the species we select, and upset the natural balance. Besides, were not hunting with any of the weapons that are regulated. We're more like natural predators, or unnatural as the case may be."

"Predators, right. So how exactly does this hunting thing work then?"

"You have to rely on your senses, and then let your instinct guide you, like with the goats in the barn. I know you have to be thirsty. It will guide you to your prey."

I knew Renée had to be thirsty still. All she'd had was a goat and some of the pig's blood. I'd been drinking the pig's blood until she woke up to help tide me over, but I was still thirsty too. As soon as I'd started to think about the dry burn in my throat, it was all I could think about. And it was definitely getting worse.

My mouth felt like four o'clock on a June afternoon in Death Valley.

Still, the fact that it wasn't always what I was thinking about... that was incredible. I was doing better than I even thought was possible, compared to the stories I'd heard about newborns and the newborn madness. If the stories were true, I shouldn't be this rational, let alone trying to mentor and teach Renée about all of this.

"Right… Use the force Luke… Stretch out with your senses… Umm… a little help here?"

"No, that's exactly right. You need to trust your senses. Hold still for a minute," I said, putting my hand lightly on her shoulder. The urgency of my thirst receded momentarily as I tried to explain what Renée needed to do.

"Now close your eyes," I murmured. "Listen," I instructed. "What do you hear?"

"Where?" She asked, scanning the trees impatiently, but I had given the thirst my attention. It seemed to taint every other thought in my head, leaking into the more pleasant thoughts of running and Elizabeth in my arms and… scorching thirst. I couldn't get away from it.

I followed my own advice and listened to the forest around me to try and hear...

Everything, I could hear everything… her breath, her lips brushing together as she spoke, the whisper of birds preening their feathers in the treetops, their fluttering heartbeats, the pine needles scraping together, the faint clicking of ants following each other in a long line up the bark of the nearest tree. But I knew I was listening for something specific, so I let my ears range outward, seeking something different than the small hum of life that surrounded me. There was an open space near us—the wind had a different sound across the exposed snow drifts— and a small creek, with a rocky bed. And there, near the noise of the water, was the splash of lapping tongues, the loud thudding of heavy hearts, pumping thick streams of blood. . . .

It felt like the sides of my throat had sucked closed.

"By the creek, to the northeast?" Renée asked, her eyes still shut.

"Yes." I managed to speak in an almost normal voice. My tone was approving. She had heard them too.

"Now… wait for the breeze again and… what do you smell?" I followed my own advice.

Mostly Elizabeth—her almost-strawberry-lilac-freesia-and-sun-flavored perfume. But also the rich, earthy smell of rot and moss, the dry fresh scent of new fallen snow, the resin in the evergreens, the warm, almost nutty aroma of the small rodents cowering beneath the tree roots. And then, reaching out again, the clean smell of the water in the rushing brook, which was surprisingly unappealing despite my thirst. I focused toward the water and found the scent that must have gone with the lapping noise and the pounding heart. Another warm smell, rich and tangy, stronger than the others. And yet nearly as unappealing as the brook. I wrinkled my nose.

"We're supposed to eat that?" Renée asked.

I chuckled, but I knew what she meant. "I know—it'll take some getting used to, but it's better than the alternative..."

Renée shuddered and nodded. "Three?" She guessed.

"Five. There are two more in the trees behind them." I corrected.

"What do I do now?" She asked?

I turned to her smiling. "What do you feel like doing?"

I saw her think about that, her eyes still shut as we listened and breathed in the scent.

Another bout of baking thirst intruded on my awareness, and suddenly the warm, tangy odor wasn't quite so objectionable. At least it would be something hot and wet in my desiccated mouth.

Renée's eyes snapped open.

"Don't think about it," I suggested as I lifted my hand off her shoulder and took a step back. "Just follow your instincts."

Renée blurred into motion and disappeared into the trees. I forced myself to hold back for a couple of seconds. I didn't want to crowd her. I knew she'd react defensively if I didn't give her some space. I waited until the deer reacted and then suddenly I was in motion.

I let myself drift with the scent, barely aware of my movement as I ghosted down the incline to the narrow snow covered meadow where the stream flowed swiftly. My body shifted forward automatically into a low crouch as I hesitated at the fern-fringed edge of the trees. I could see a big buck, two dozen antler points crowning his head, down at the stream's edge where Renée was feeding. The shadow-spotted shapes of the four others were scattering, heading eastward into forest at a frantic pace.

I centered myself around the scent of the nearest female, the hot spot in its shaggy neck where the warmth pulsed strongest.

Only thirty yards—two or three bounds— between us. I tensed myself for the first leap. My muscles bunched in preparation, and then I was across the meadow like sudden death as I pounced and took down my prey.

My teeth sank into the pulse point in its throat, and I almost casually snapped its neck to stop its thrashing. I could feel the hot thick blood splash into the back of my throat soothing the dryness a little.

I was aware of Elizabeth's heartbeat and scent through all of this, and shockingly, I didn't feel at all threatened. I was more protective than anything else I thought I might feel at a time like this. Through some instinct of her own, she had shifted onto my back to give me both hands free, and had clung to me during my hunt.

I was aware of her need, and like a lioness that hunts to provide for her young, I didn't object when she pounced on the still hot fresh deer and shared my kill.

I wasn't surprised when Elizabeth used her teeth to strip back the hair and surprisingly tough skin and continued to feed on the raw meat of the deer after the blood was drained. I was almost expecting it after seeing her memory of feeding on the goat. I waited until she had apparently sated her hunger, and then gathered her into my arms to go check on mom.

Renée was leaning over the waters edge washing up when we came out of the trees. Apparently she had gotten a little over enthusiastic when she'd taken down the deer. Her shirt was torn, but not too badly. There was quite a lot of blood on her clothes, face and hands. I turned to look at the carcass of the deer. It was a big brute. The Dakota subspecies of whitetail deer was the largest of the breed and averaged around three hundred pounds. This one had been above average. It seemed that Renée's feeding instinct was the same as my daughters. She had eaten from the raw meat as well as draining the blood.

"How are you feeling, mom? Better now?"

"Yes… This is all still so surreal and bizarre… I can't believe I just did that." She glanced back at the carcass of the deer. "But I know I did, and I do feel better, despite feeling kind of disgusted about the whole thing. I know that's just in my head, but I can't help it. I was… human for thirty-seven years. This is going to take a little getting used to."

"Well, I'm glad you're feeling better. Are you still hungry? Elizabeth shared with me and ate. I think she's good for now. We could look for another herd on the way back to the cabin…"

"No, I'm good for now too. I cleaned up as best I could, but I need to take a shower."

"Ok, let's head back."

"What about these deer? That's an awful lot of venison to go to waste."

"Did you want any of it for later? I don't eat food, but I suppose you could take some if you wanted it. Do you think you can eat it cooked too? We can't really give it away or sell it. We don't have tags, and we could get investigated for poaching if we tried to sell the meat."

"No, I don't want it. I'll have to experiment with food and see what I can eat… It just seems wasteful to me."

"The scavengers of the forest will clean it up. Buzzards, coyotes, and foxes gotta eat too. The birds will get a share, and bear aren't too picky about eating carrion given the opportunity. They're all just waiting for us to clear out so they can have at it. In a couple of days, there won't be anything left here but bones and skin."

"You sound like you've had this discussion before."

We started to head back to the cabin, but kept the pace leisurely as we chatted.

"I asked the same question from the Cullens' when we talked about their hunting habits. They spread their hunting trips all across the Olympic peninsula, but then there were seven of them. They'd range pretty far afield for good predator hunting, but they had to be careful to prevent upsetting the natural balance."

"Huh… Ok, I can see why it would be a good idea to live someplace with easy access to wilderness areas. It might even be economically feasible to live on a farm again or raise livestock for market so we could keep the blood. I understand why Florida in general is a bad idea with the whole sunlight thing, but so far nothing we've done today has made me think I can't be around Phil or people in general."

"You saw how your instincts kicked in when you smelled the deer, and it wasn't even an appetizing scent. We can experiment, but if you smelled humans, it would be impossible to hold back…"

BANG!

The rifle shot was startling, suddenly coming out of nowhere. The sound was from the east, closer to town. It was twilight, almost evening as the sun dropped close to the horizon. We were halfway back to the cabin, and then the wind shifted, blowing out of the east. Abruptly Renée changed course and blurred into motion, unexpectedly intent on the hunt again.

The wind was blowing stronger now from the southeast. I didn't stop to think, hurtling out of the trees in a path perpendicular to my original plan, racing after a new fragrance so attractive that there wasn't a choice. It was compulsory.

Elizabeth moved instinctively onto my back as I flashed through the forest intent on my prey. It was obvious I was hunting again, but the cognitive portions of my brain were disconnected, and I was driven solely by instinct.

The scent ruled completely. I was single-minded as I tracked it, aware only of the thirst and the smell that promised to quench it. The thirst got worse, so painful now that it confused all my other thoughts and began to remind me of the burn of venom in my veins.

There was only one thing that had any chance of penetrating my focus now, an instinct more powerful, more basic than the need to quench the fire—it was the instinct to protect myself from danger. Self-preservation.

Renée was suddenly alert to the fact that I was following her. She had reacted first, but I was faster. The pull of the irresistible scent warred with the impulse to turn and defend her hunt. Some part of my consciousness registered her lips, as they pulled back of their own accord, exposing her teeth in warning as I overtook her rush towards the prey. Her feet slowed as the need to protect her back struggled against the desire to quench her thirst.

And then defense won out as I was about to overtake and pass her, beat her to the kill. As she spun, the rising sound ripped its way up her throat and out.

The feral snarl matched mine for intensity and ferocity, but coming from my own mouth, it was so unexpected that it brought me up short. It unsettled me, and it cleared my head for a second—the thirst driven haze receded, though the thirst burned on.

The wind shifted, blowing the smell of wet earth and coming snow across my face, further freeing me from the other scent's fiery grip—a scent so delicious it could only be human.

Renée pounced, leaping into the attack as she dove at me, teeth bared.

I hesitated for the barest fraction of a second, a few feet away, my arms raised as if to embrace her—or restrain her. I dodged at the last second and grappled Renée, taking her down to the ground as gently as possible without relaxing my iron grip. Unexpectedly She froze, horrified.

She realized that she had been about to attack me. With a stiff shudder, she relaxed in my grip, no longer fighting. I felt her chest stop moving as she held her breath and refocused, fearing the power of the fragrance swirling up from the southeast.

I had stopped breathing as soon as reason returned and I recognized the scent of humans for the east. It was hunting season, and there were humans in the forest tracking deer and elk.

I could see the ghost of reason return to her face, and I took a step and lifted her so we were standing again, but I didn't lower my arms.

"We have to get away from here," I spit through my teeth, using the breath I had.

Shock crossed her face. "Can you leave?" she asked, and then I saw her eyes glazed over as her chest rose and she inhaled.

I didn't have time to think, I had to react. I knew the ability to think clearly would last only as long as I could stop myself from thinking of…

I burst into a run again, a flat-out sprint straight southwest, concentrating solely on the uncomfortable feeling of sensory deprivation that seemed to be my body's only response to the lack of air. My one goal was to run far enough away that the scent behind me would be completely lost. Impossible to find, even if I changed my mind…

Renée was struggling in my arms trying to break free, but I was stronger than her, and I just kept running.

Once again, I was a blur of motion ghosting through the trees, but I was sane this time. I fought the instinct to breathe—to use the flavors in the air to be sure it was safe. I didn't have to fight long; though I was running faster than I ever had before, shooting like a comet through the straightest path I could find in the trees; Renée stopped struggling after a short minute.

I could feel her chest move as she breathed, and I stopped dead, my feet planted. I was sure it must be safe here, but I held my breath just in case.

"It's safe now, Bella, the scent is gone… How did you do that?" She demanded.

When I opened my mouth, I could taste the air—it was unpolluted now, with no trace of the compelling perfume to torment my thirst. I took a cautious breath.

I let Renée go, and set her back on her feet. She shook her head. "Bella, how did you do it?"

"Run away? I held my breath."

"But how did you stop hunting?"

"When you turned to attack me… I'm so sorry about that."

"Why are you apologizing to me? I'm the one who was horribly careless. I assumed that you had to be exaggerating about the human scent... It was so strong… I couldn't think… I just reacted. That was the bloodlust you were talking about… You have nothing to apologize for, honey. You saved me from doing something horrible!"

"But I growled at you!" I was still horrified that I was physically capable of that. I was ready to attack my own mother!

"Of course you did. I guess that's only natural, instinctive. But I can't understand how you ran away."

"What else could I do?" I asked. Her attitude confused me—what did she want to have happened? "I might have killed someone! I would have if I didn't run away!"

"I can't believe you actually did that," She said. "I don't think I would have been able to, even after I held my breath the first time, the scent was just so overwhelming… It was all I could think about…"

"Really? Once I held my breath and got my focus, I knew what I had to do."

"That is simply amazing. I couldn't have done that, Bella… I didn't believe it could be like that, but I am completely amazed."

"Why?"

"You stopped yourself from feeding on humans," Renée said. "You told me it was dangerous and how the Cullen's dealt with this, but I didn't really believe it until I felt the bloodlust, felt it with my own senses. You were incredible."

"Thanks, mom, but I shouldn't be able to do any of this. I shouldn't be so…so rational. I shouldn't be able to stand here discussing this with you calmly and coolly. And, much more than any of that, I should not have been able to break off mid-hunt with the scent of human blood in the air. Even mature vampires have difficulty with that—they're always very careful of where they hunt so they don't put themselves in the path of temptation. I don't know how I'm doing any of this. This isn't how I was told I would be…"

Elizabeth was still on my back, but I reached up for her and she slipped back into my arms so I could hug her. She reached up and placed her hand on my cheek, and the memory of that most compelling of all scents flashed through my senses with an inquisitive feel. The venom pooled in my mouth at the memory, but there was no scent trail to follow, and I kept my focus. Elizabeth wanted to know why we had stopped hunting the delicious smell.

"No," I said, going rigid. "Those were humans, little one, and we can't hunt them."

Elizabeth seemed to understand. She didn't seem to be affected by the scent like Renée and I had been. She just thought it smelled better than the deer, but I didn't think she wanted to go look for them. Hopefully she wouldn't have any trouble learning how to be around humans like her mother and grandmother.

"C'mon, mom, let's get back home before we cross paths with anymore hunters."

"Fine, but let me lead again." Renée said. "If I take of like that again, hold your breath and tackle me."

"Alright, but we should be ok after sunset. Once it's dark out, the hunters should be out of the forest."

We made it back to the house without further incident. Elizabeth was asleep by the time we got home, and I laid her down in her bassinette in our bedroom. The way she was growing, we wouldn't get much use out of it. I used the digital camera that I'd gotten on my birthday, and took pictures of her. I wanted to be able to show her what she'd been like as a child. I'd always remember, but someday I might meet up with the rest of her extended family, and I'd be able to show them.

Renée went to take her shower, and I went outside and dealt with the accumulated goat carcasses and the garbage bag with the sheets and drop cloths.

I collected the dead animals and the garbage bag, and ran a short distance into the woods to an outcropping of rock that we'd passed. There were several large boulders, and I rolled one out of the way, tossed everything into the depression, and then set the boulder back into place.

Renée was done with her shower and was getting dressed when I came back into the house. She came out of the bedroom and sat down on the couch. It seemed odd to me that she still retained so many of the simple human habits that suddenly seemed so foreign to me.

My instincts were different. I was almost a completely new person from what I remembered of my human life. I didn't need to sit to relax or feel comfortable. It was just as easy to remain standing completely motionless, frozen like a statue as it would be to sit or even lie down. I didn't have any automatic urge to twitch or move or even breathe, although some part of my newly expanded consciousness seemed to monitor my breathing simply for the sensory input data to keep me aware of my surroundings.

I didn't need to breathe, but I could taste my surroundings and sense my environment through the scents around me. I breathed now to know that I was safe and to automatically maintain a constant awareness of potential threats and dangers. I still breathed to survive, but not because I needed oxygen. I was a predator now, and it was part of my survival instinct to continuously maintain an awareness of my environment and potential threats.

I sat down on the couch with Renee to be polite and to start practicing how to be human again. Humans sat down to talk, and didn't remain perfectly still all the time.

I would have to remember to move like a human and start practicing to fit in. The automatic impulses and suggestions that I used to feel were gone. I would have to set part of my consciousness to remember to blink and scratch, and shift my weight or cross my legs. The need for all of that was gone, but I'd need to learn how to act human again so I wouldn't stand out when I was around them.

"What the hell am I going to do about Phil, Bella? I miss him so much, and I want to be with him so bad. This is the longest we've been apart since we got married. We weren't apart for this long even when he had to travel before you went to live with your dad."

"What about when you started your job in Florida? Doesn't he still travel with his team?"

"Yeah, he did, but I took a lot of weekend trips to visit him when they had away games and road trips. We were really looking forward to reconnecting over the winter. You know until spring training started. His season is over now, and this was supposed to be our alone time together."

"I'm so sorry, mom. I didn't think this would happen. I was worried that you might be in some danger, but I thought that would be from me, not Elizabeth. I had no idea that you'd get sucked into my world…"

"I can't even tell him where I really am. He knows I was going to Rapid City, but I don't want him to get hurt. He doesn't have this address. I didn't believe how hard it would really be until we caught the scent of those hunters tonight. I thought you were exaggerating, and I'd be able to deal with it."

"It'll get easier with time and practice…"

"Yeah, in a year or two, and even then, I'll only just be able to restrain myself from killing him…"

"I'm sorry mom. If there were any other way…"

"I don't want to lose Phil, Bella. You wanted to be like this so you could be with Edward. You always said Phil was too young for me, but I'm not going to age anymore, am I? If he was willing to live like this… I could be with him if he was like us…"

"Don't you think that should be Phil's choice?"

"Of course! I wouldn't force this on him, but it's an option. I just don't know how to tell him or even ask him! You say I can't talk to him on the phone about any of this, but if I get close enough to talk to him, I'll want to kill him!"

"We'll figure something out…"

"Ok… So, to change him one of us has to bite him, right?"

"Yeah, that's how it usually works."

"So how do we bite him without killing him? The scent of those humans on the wind from miles away drove us both crazy. If I was close enough to bite him, I wouldn't be able to stop." Renee glanced at me expectantly like she was expecting me to have a solution.

"Don't look at me! I was strong enough to drag you away tonight, but I don't think I'd be able to stop either. You'd hate me forever if I killed him. First we need to figure out how to even talk to him."

"There are always more syringes of venom left too," Renee said

"Yeah, but then he'd be more like me, and there are quite a few differences between us..."

"That's true, guess it would be better if I tried to change him…"

"…and we don't even know if you can change him. Your venom might just kill him instead of starting the change. I don't know how we'd even test that, without trying it out."

"So then our safest route is the venom injection."

We talked for a long time after that making plans for our future and deciding what to do as we moved forward. We'd try and stay here until the lease ran out, and then hopefully we'd be safe to move on. We still didn't know what to do about Phil. We talked about Elizabeth and how fast she was growing, and we knew we were going to have to keep her away from people, but that wouldn't be hard. We were going to have to stay away from people too.

Renee shocked me again when she yawned and stretched. She looked tired… Almost like she was ready to go to sleep…

"Well, it's getting late. I guess I'll go to bed now. Are you going to stay up, Bella? It's been a busy day, aren't you getting sleepy too, honey?"

"You're going to bed? To sleep?" I asked, incredulous.

"Well, that's what I usually do in bed. At least while Phil is in Florida. Besides, we talked about why that's not safe right now…"

"I know all that, but you're going to sleep?"

"Of course… what else did you expect?"

"I don't sleep. It's part of the change."

"Not at all?"

"No, I don't have to sleep. I can't actually. I'm permanently awake and aware twenty-four seven now."

"Alright, well I'm gonna hit the sack. I guess I'll see you in the morning. Good night."

"Good night, mom."

Renee went into her room, and closed the door. Soon I heard her rhythmic breathing, and I knew she was sleeping.

I picked up the house, and then went back to the computer to do some more research and surf the internet. It was going to be a long night while everyone else slept. Maybe I could sign up for some online classes, and finish high school. I wouldn't get to graduate, but at least I'd have my diploma. I'd have plenty of time to study.

I didn't know what we'd do about Phil, but we'd figure something out. Thinking about Renee's relationship issues brought my problems back to the surface. I wanted to see the Cullen's again, and they deserved to meet Elizabeth, but what about Edward? He had abandoned me and left. He said he didn't want me anymore, but I'd been human then. I was convinced that he'd left because he didn't want to change me, but I was a vampire now.

Did that really change anything between us? He said I wasn't good for him. I hadn't been good enough for him, and he didn't want me. I was damned if I was going to go hunting for him only to have him reject me all over again. Goddamn Edward Cullen and his self righteous holier that thou attitude, I didn't need it, and if he wanted me, he could come find me. I had Renee and Elizabeth now, and they were going to need me to look out for them.

And then there was Charlie. What would I tell him now? He had to be going crazy with worry since the last time I'd talked to him. I loved my dad and didn't really want to abandon him, but I knew I couldn't tell him the truth. What did he think had happened to me?

**Author's Note:**

The differences between a vampire variant who is changed by a hybrid's venom and a traditional or full vampire who is changed be a traditional vampires venom were first explored and written about in the fan fiction story 'The Halfbreed' by Athey. The story, 'The Halfbreed', was abandoned at chapter 15, but was later adopted by Infinitypoet. It is an excellent story, and I'd love to read more of it if they continue to update it.

In the story, 'The Halfbreed', Edward discusses the differences between Huilen, who is a vampire variant that was changed by Nahuel who is a hybrid, using his hybrid venom.

If you liked this, please review and let me know what you think.


	7. Chapter 7 Working Girl

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **BPOV (Bella), Bella starts the story. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 7 Working Girl

The first couple of months passed in a blur as we settled into the routine of our new lives.

Elizabeth became the center of my universe and everything I did revolved around her. She changed daily before my eyes as her rapid growth matched the rate that she'd developed at before she was born.

At one week old, Elizabeth said her first word, "Momma". I knew she was advanced, but I wasn't expecting it so soon. What shocked me was that it was immediately followed by her first sentence. "Momma, can I change the channel?"

Apparently she had outgrown Muppets, and was bored by the repetitive nature of the children's program. It wasn't like I was neglecting her and letting the TV act as baby sitter, but I had honestly thought she enjoyed the children's television. I let her watch it while I cleaned the cabin because it seemed like a good way for her to learn about letters, numbers and basic vocabulary concepts. I handed her the remote that I had picked up and moved back onto the table out of her reach. She proceeded to rapidly flip through the channels until she found something more interesting on the National Geographic channel.

At fewer than three weeks, she could walk. There were no tentative first steps or period of pulling up as she clumsily attempted to mimic Renée and me. She shocked me again when I asked her if she was ready to go hunt, and she sprang up and danced across the room in a graceful pirouette to meet me at the door instead of waiting for me to come pick her up. She had been watching dancers on TV, and had flawlessly copied their movements.

Her diet matched Renée's more closely than it did mine, although all three of us lived on a diet of almost exclusively blood. Elizabeth and Renée both ate some of the meat from their kills, but I was unable to. I tried it once, but it was disgusting, and I was forced to choke back up the bits I had managed to swallow. Renée experimented with bringing home some of the meat and cooking it. She could eat it and seemed to enjoy it, but Elizabeth had taken a couple of experimental bites, and then turned up her nose and refused to eat anymore. It didn't come back up, and I was fairly certain she could eat human food if she wanted to, but she seemed to prefer blood and liked her meat raw.

At three months old, Elizabeth could pass for a big one year old or even a small two year-old although she moved and reacted like a much more developed much older child. At this point in her development, she could speak perfectly, run, dance, and even read. I was as proud of her achievements as any new mother, but it worried me. If I was totally honest, it scared the piss out of me.

My new faster brain could easily extrapolate what this rate of growth meant. If it continued like this and she continued to develop like a human child but at a vastly accelerated rate, she would live her entire life from birth, through maturity and finally death from old age in less than fifteen years. Renée and I tracked her progress and growth rate as best we could, but that didn't really do much for us except allow us to document how fast she was changing. Her rate of growth and change seemed to be gradually slowing by infinitesimal fractions of an inch each day, but it was still wildly accelerated compared to normal human development. We couldn't take her to a doctor, even if we had been capable of being around humans, but thankfully she had never been sick a day in her life.

Perhaps if we knew where the Cullens were, they might have some answers for us, but I had no clue where to even begin looking for them. I wasn't sure I even wanted to find them anymore if I had been able to start a search. I was sure Carlisle would find all of this remarkably interesting, and Edward might have had some interest in helping his daughter, but they had abandoned us to our fate and we were on our own. I felt certain that Alice would have seen what was happening to us by now, and if they'd cared about us, they would have come looking for us.

As it was, I couldn't even go into town to buy clothes for Elizabeth that would fit her. She had long since outgrown everything Renée had bought for her before she was born. We could have shopped online, but Renée and I were both afraid of what would happen if a delivery showed up unexpectedly, and we were caught off guard by a deliveryman. She hadn't needed diapers since she was three weeks old, but we didn't have any underwear that would fit her. I had taken to dressing her in my t-shirts with a tie around the waist so they fit her like a long tunic dress. It would have to do until we could handle being around people enough to shop for her.

We knew better than to go too far from the cabin during the day. We hunted mainly at night when we knew it would be unlikely that we'd run across humans and be tempted again by the scent of their blood. It was early February now, and the snow lay heavy on the ground and trees in the forest around the cabin. That reduced the likelihood that we'd accidently run into any humans that might come up to check on the property.

We could hear the snow plows out on the highway after a storm would blow through. There were the occasional car or truck that drove by, but we had never bothered to clear the snow from the driveway in an attempt to discourage visitors. Most people would assume the property was vacant if there was no sign that anybody ever left or visited. We didn't have to worry about somebody coming out to read a gas meter because we had our own propane tank, but we still used electricity from the local power company, and eventually somebody would be by to read the electric meter. We were hoping they'd wait until the spring thaw to come out and compare it to what they were billing us for.

The mailbox was down on the highway, so we didn't need to worry about the postman coming up to the house. The car would stop at the mailbox at infrequent intervals, mainly to drop off the utility bill statements and a thin stream of junk mail addressed to current resident. I generally waited until I had finished hunting before I went to collect the mail. I used a circuitous route so I wouldn't leave any footprints leading to or from the cabin that the casual passerby would be able to see. Of course this led me to follow long stretches of the highway as I moved along the shoulder of the road when it was time to collect the mail.

Naturally the mail collection duty fell to me. I had better control and it was easier for me to handle the scent of human blood. Renée avoided the highway like the plague. She knew what would happen if she caught a whiff of human scent. We'd been lucky since that incident on our first hunt, and hadn't run across any humans in the forest, but that was mainly because we were careful.

We'd made the mistake of crossing the highway once while hunting in our first couple of weeks. We'd gotten overconfident in our abilities because we'd been lucky so far. Renée had caught the hours old scent of humans from a passing car. She had bolted like an over eager pup that had slipped its lead and chased the scent down the highway for five miles before I caught her. I'm sure it would have been a sight if anyone was around to see, Renée running flat out down the center of the ice covered highway with me in hot pursuit until I could catch her and tackle her. The funny thing was I didn't have to hold my breath that time.

I rationalized that I was already developing some control to withstand the bloodlust. I'd been able to stop myself from hunting humans that first time, and while the scent made my throat burn and venom pool in my mouth, I wasn't a mindless savage slavering after my prey intent on murder at the first opportunity.

I had a theory about that. It was only a theory, and I was loath to test it, but I realized early on that it was something I was going to have to work on soon. I rationalized that the typical newborn reacted the way they did because they woke up to this new life completely unaware of what to expect. The newly enhanced senses, the bloodlust and intense desire to feed, the survival instincts, and the sudden loss of the majority of their human memories had to be an extremely traumatic episode in their existence. The majority of the Cullens had all gone through exactly that. None of them had gone in with their eyes open and wanted the change before it happened.

What had happened to me was completely different. I knew what to expect, and was prepared for almost everything that had happened. Granted, I wasn't expecting to get pregnant and I had expected the Cullens to be there for me when I was changed, but the fact of the matter was that I had gone into this with my eyes open, and I had wanted this before I was changed. I knew what to expect. I knew what was happening and why most of the time. If my theory was correct, that was giving me an edge at staying in control and managing my bloodlust.

I knew I was going to have to start testing my control and learn how to be around people without killing them, and I was going to have to do it soon. There were things that we needed that we'd have to be around people to get or do.

For one thing, Renée still missed Phil terribly, and one of us was going to have to be able to meet with him face to face and explain what had happened. Renée still talked to him on the phone all the time but it had gotten progressively harder to make excuses why she couldn't go back home to be with him. She couldn't bring herself to breakup with him over the phone. They were married after all, and she loved him dearly, but she wouldn't tell him where we were either.

The excuses that the baby was sick, and I still needed her were getting pretty thin after three months, and he had to expect that something was going on. If she was ever going to have any kind of future with Phil, we were going to have to explain to him what had happened, and offer him the chance to either join us or go on with his life without us. It was harder and harder for Renée to keep stringing him along, and it wasn't fair to Phil.

I had talked to Charlie on the phone a couple of times. I hadn't told him anything or where I was, but he knew Renée was with me now. It wasn't a secret, but things had gotten awkward when Phil had called Charlie to try and get information about where we were. They had compared notes, and now Charlie knew we were in South Dakota. Charlie was suspicious because Phil had told Charlie that I had already had the baby, and Charlie knew I hadn't even been showing yet when I was still at home. I was waiting until the dates matched up closer to reality before I was going to tell him about Elizabeth. I hadn't called again because I couldn't answer any of his questions. Renee had talked to him a couple of times, but she just told him we were ok and we'd try to keep in touch. It wasn't fair to Charlie to cut him out of our lives, but it was for his own good so we could keep him safe.

The principal from Renée's school had called to talk to her, and he couldn't hold her job open any longer. He had to let her go, and she had lost her job, but that was a moot point considering everything else that had happened to her. She knew she couldn't go back to Florida now. There was no way she could walk into a classroom full of kindergarteners without wanting to kill them all. That alone would destroy her if she let that happen. Renée wasn't going to be able to be around people for a long time. I knew she'd be pushing her luck if she was able to try and control her bloodlust in a year. It would likely take her longer. A lot longer.

I on the other hand didn't have nearly as hard a time as Renée. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like I had some kind of magical control that would let me sit in the same room with a human the day after I woke up or something. I struggled, and I had control issues. I fought with my instincts just walking along the highway to pick up the mail hours after the postman had driven away. The scent of the fingerprints where he'd handled the envelopes to stuff the letters into the mail box held the most enticing scent I could imagine, and I had to fight not to press the letters to my face and chew the mail apart.

I started to force the issue and actively work on my control at the beginning of that January. I remembered conversations with Edward and Jasper when they had talked about Jaspers control issues and what Edward had done to be able to be close to me. I knew they had both hunted more in an effort to keep their thirst satiated. They had felt that not being actively thirsty would help and make it easier to withstand the bloodlust. It seemed like a logical idea. If you were full, you shouldn't want more, right?

Bullshit.

In my experience, being full didn't help at all. The bloodlust wasn't so much about being hungry, or thirsty given our situation, as it was about instinct. Being full just gave you a sloshy sloppy feeling in your middle when you moved around while your body craved even more when that scent hit you.

I left Elizabeth home with Renée when I would go out to experiment with taming my bloodlust and learning how to control my instincts so I could be around people again. I started off slowly to try and build up my resistance to the scent of human blood. In the beginning, first I'd hunt, and then I would spend hours running along the highways and country roads to absorb the lingering scents of the humans that had traveled these roads. I started out making my trips late at night when it was unlikely that I'd actually meet any live humans. Once I was comfortable with that. I stared making trips earlier and earlier until I was actually out during daylight hours.

It was a lot more dangerous when there were actual live humans around. Dangerous for them, not for me. I didn't wait for cars for a long time. I could hear cars coming from miles away, and I would bolt into the forest before they got anywhere close to me. I'd wait until they'd passed, and then I'd return to the highway to wallow in the lingering forbidden scent. It got easier over time.

I didn't want to hurt anyone, and I definitely didn't want some unsuspecting human to be my unwitting guinea pig while I practiced how not to be a murderer. I waited until I was sure I was safe each time I took it up a notch. Eventually I got to the point where I could crouch silently in the roadside ditch while cars full of people drove by. In one sense, I suppose it wasn't much different for the people in the car than driving past a mountain lion or grizzly bear that was crouched in the woods watching the car drive past. On the other hand, the mountain lion or grizzly bear wasn't likely to pounce on the car, tear the doors off, and eat the people inside. I knew my control had to be getting better, because I wasn't as likely to do that anymore as I had been when all of this started.

I slowly worked my way closer and closer to town over time. It was awash in the scent of humans, and the wind would push that evil delicious enticing scent in my direction. The venom would pool in my mouth and burn my throat when I swallowed it back, but it didn't control me anymore. At least not completely.

I was more giddy with excitement and a dangerous sense of taking a reckless forbidden chance the first time I walked down the street in Hill City than I was worried about having an accident. The first night I had the courage to walk the streets of the unaware sleeping community.

Hill City was a small town like Forks, and all of the businesses were closed by ten o'clock except for a couple of local bars and the twenty-four hour gas station convenience store on the edge of town. There were a couple of pickup trucks in front of the bars, and the lights were on in the lobbies of the local motels. Hill City did a good tourist business in the summer and there were four hotels in the tiny town. Apart from that there was no one out and about, and nobody on the streets to notice the vampire girl walking through the heart of their community in the dead of night.

I didn't stay for long on that first trip. The burn was terrible and I wasn't sure how long I'd be able to hold it together before I went on a rampage and did something terrible that I'd regret.

I was back the next night. I stayed longer and explored more. I had to desensitize myself to the scent, and I was making steady progress. I knew what the ultimate test would be, and I was working up my resolve and my courage to attempt it. I knew for this to have any meaning and use at all I was going to have to be able to stand face to face with a live human. And not kill them.

Of course, the question was who would have the honor of being my unwitting test subject… or possibly my first victim.

For the thousandth time since I started working on desensitizing myself to the scent of human blood, I cursed the Cullens for abandoning me. I shouldn't have to do this all alone. In a perfect world, Edward would be by my side holding my hand while I worried about crushing it with my newborn strength. Emmett would be standing behind me, ready to grab me and stop me if I wasn't ready for this step. Jasper would be there with his quiet resolve, gauging my emotions, and filling me with a steadying calm while I walked through this door. But the biggest betrayal of all, Alice would have seen all of this. She wouldn't let me do this unless it was going to work. She had to know what I was going through. Why hadn't she come looking for me?

In the end, in my reality, I was alone and there was really only one choice. I couldn't go to the bar. There was only one reason to go there, and I didn't want to buy a drink I wouldn't drink. Even if I looked older and more mature, my ID said I was eighteen, and I didn't know where to buy a fake one yet. Besides, there would be people in the bar. The less people around if I screwed up, the better. One of the hotels might have been a good choice, but it had the same problem as the bar. I didn't need to rent a room, and who walks in at two in the morning to inquire about room rates and vacancies unless they're going to rent a room?

That left the convenience store on the edge of town. It was really the best choice if not the perfect choice. It was brightly lit and I could see that the clerk at the counter was alone through the glass front of the store. I'd been standing outside on the edge of the forest watching and absorbing the scents that washed out of town on the light breeze. There had only been one car that stopped by for gas. The man driving had left quickly after buying a pack of cigarettes and a pop.

I tried not to dwell on the fact that the gas station was close to the forest and I'd be able to easily escape if this ended badly. There were surveillance cameras inside the convenience store, and my shame would be recorded for the police to analyze if I screwed this up.

I didn't want to think about rushing back to the cabin to grab Elizabeth and Renée and dashing out into the night as fugitives on the run. I didn't want to think about it, but I did. My mind analyzed all of the options as I made contingency plans to cover all of the variables. It was how my mind worked now and part of the survival instinct was covering all the bases and knowing what to do and how to react. A myriad of different scenarios flew through my brain as I stood outside watching the clerk through the front of the store.

Finally I knew waiting wouldn't make this any easier. I steeled my resolve and walked out to the street to approach the store. I suppose it might look odd that I didn't drive up to the store, but the driveway at the cabin still had its protective camouflage blanket of snow blocking it, and the truck was safely tucked away in the garage until the spring thaw.

I knew I looked as out of place as I felt. I had filled out a little from the change. My body had more curves in different places than I remembered, and although I hadn't gained an ounce in weight, my jeans clung to my body tightly like a second skin. My sneakers were getting ragged from all of the hours running through the forest, and along the highway. The only reason they still had soles on the bottom was because the ice and snow wasn't as hard on them as bare pavement would have been. My t-shirt was too tight, and I only had a light jacket. We'd never had the opportunity to buy winter coats before that first storm, and I didn't really need one, but I should be wearing one to fit in. Of course, I doubted the girl at the cash register was staring at my clothes. My skin was too pale ivory white, and my burning red eyes had to attract her attention.

The bell on the door jangled as I pushed the door open and slipped inside. I took a tentative step into the store and let the door close behind me. I stopped inside the door and tried to absorb the massive sensory overload of the experience. I had anticipated most of this, but thinking about it and doing it were two entirely different things.

The warm moist air inside the shop hit me like a wrecking ball as the scent of live human assaulted my senses. The sound of her heartbeat hammered in my ears and I could see the waves of heat that radiated off of her body as she stood behind the counter. Her skin was practically translucent to my enhanced sight, and I could see the blood pulsing hot and thick through her veins. It called to me like a siren song promising relief from the fire in my throat.

I hastily turned away from the counter and walked into the shop. I knew I moved too fast and I had to calm down. I had to stick to the plan. I tried to move slowly and sluggishly, but I needed more practice acting human. I hadn't been around people since before my change but I knew what I had to do to fit in.

There was a display rack of sunglasses in the middle of the store, and I went to it and picked out a couple of pairs. I hadn't thought to buy any before the change but I'd need them now if I was going to practice being around people. There wasn't much in the store that I needed, but I looked over the selection of candy bars and picked out a treat for Elizabeth. She'd never had candy in her life, and I had no idea if she'd like the chocolate bar I picked out for her, but it didn't smell repulsive to me. It was worth a try and I wanted to bring her something. Once I was more used to being around people, we'd have to see if she liked any human foods. It would make it easier to fit in if more of us ate food.

Finally I couldn't put it off any longer, and I walked up to the cash register. I casually laid my purchases on the counter.

It wasn't like I spent an eternity agonizing over my purchase decisions. I'd only been inside the store for a couple of minutes, and to a human it might have appeared that I made random choices, or knew exactly what I was going to buy from the second that I walked in. That wasn't the case at all. I just processed the decisions faster.

She glanced at my face, and then averted her eyes when I smiled at her. I had let my teeth show by mistake and her heart rate spiked for a handful of staccato rapid fire beats. It settled into a normal rhythm, but I could tell it beat faster than normal. She hesitantly reached for my things to scan them and ring up the total.

A new scent started to mix with the warm moist human scent of the girl when I stood in front of the counter. I knew what it was, but it felt odd to sense it mixed with the human scent. It was fear, and it heightened all of my senses as I reacted to my prey reacting to me. Her heart rate picked up and pounded in her chest, and I could almost taste the cold sweat that broke out on her skin as her endocrine system dumped adrenaline into her blood stream as part of the fight or flight response. She didn't give any outward sign that she was scared as she controlled her reaction to me.

She was young, maybe early twenties and pretty for a human with blue eyes and shoulder length black hair. She was wearing low cut jeans and a t-shirt from some local rock band over a long sleeved t-shirt. The sleeves were pushed up to her elbows, and she had a tattoo on the inside of her forearm. The bangle bracelets on her wrists jangled together when she picked up the things I was buying. She wore a silver cross on a leather cord around her neck and rings on almost every finger. She didn't really come off as goth, more biker/rocker chick.

Her name tag said 'Candy'. How appropriate. I glanced up and looked at her eyes as her heartbeat pounded into me. Tempting me to act...

She looked up at my face again and said, "Cool contacts." The warm puffs of moist heated air washed over me carrying her scent and slamming into me like hammer blows to my control.

"Contacts… right. Thanks." I replied as I looked down to avert my eyes.

"No problem. That'll be twenty-three twenty-seven."

I nodded. I already had my wallet out. I pulled out a twenty and a five dollar bill, and laid them on the counter. "Keep the change," I said, and quickly gathered up my purchases.

I had to leave.

I had to leave now.

"Are you sure?" She asked. "Hey, do you need a bag for that?" she said as she watched me with that startled look on her face. Thank god for the wide counter between us…

Each word she spoke made it harder for me to leave, but I forced myself to move.

I spun on my heel and blew through the door to get away from that luscious scent of her warm moist breath.

The sound of her heartbeat hammering in her chest haunted me as I fled into the forest and held my breath as I ran.

Somebody watching the surveillance video might think I had robbed the store the way I left. Hopefully my money lying on the counter would make it obvious that I had paid for my purchase. I was consoled by the fact that the girl was still alive. Another minute in that store and I might be telling a different story altogether, but I had passed my test. I had stood face to face with a live human, and had walked away without killing her.

Part of me was elated with the progress I had made and how far I had progressed in such a short time.

Another part of me realized just how close I had come to my breaking point and how easily I could have killed that girl. I was definitely making progress, but this was an entirely new level of complexity and danger now that I was somewhat able to interact with humans. I knew it would get easier with practice, but I felt horrible about putting them at risk just so I could get better at not wanting to kill them.

I ran all the way back to the cabin. Of course I would have anyway, but I was excited with the news I had to share and it pushed me to hurry and let Elizabeth and Renée know what I had done.

Elizabeth and Renée were both up waiting for me when I got home to the cabin. They still slept, but they had changed their sleep patterns to match our lifestyle. We were normally more active and hunted at night, so they usually slept during the day now. It wasn't out of some kind of supernatural need. It just worked better for us because of how we lived.

I dashed into the room and grabbed up Elizabeth and spun her around before I hugged her to my chest. "I missed you baby girl," I said as she squealed and laughed.

"Ohh, yummy! You smell good, momma! Did you see the humans? Were there any out tonight?"

"Yes, I saw the humans," I looked at Renée and she smiled back at me but her expression was guarded. I knew she could smell the human scent clinging to my clothes despite the run home through the forest.

I shifted Elizabeth around onto my hip and held her with one arm while I reached into my jacket pocket and laid the sunglasses on the table.

"I didn't just see the humans. I talked to one, too." And then I reached back into my pocket and handed the candy bar to Elizabeth. "I don't know if you'll like this, but I brought you a treat."

Renée's eyes got huge when she saw the sunglasses and then the candy bar.

"You went into the store?" she asked with a slightly incredulous lilt to her voice. I nodded my head.

"And it was ok? Nothing happened…?"

I set Elizabeth down on a chair at the table as she tried to figure out how to tear the wrapper off the candy bar. She sniffed at it curiously, and hadn't turned up her nose or grimaced at the scent. It didn't smell bad to me so I hoped it was something she could enjoy.

"Everything went fine, mom. It was hard… it was maybe the hardest thing I've ever done to stand there in front of that girl in the gas station, and not… hurt her. I didn't want to hurt her, but it was close. I couldn't wait for my change before I had to make a run for it and get back outside. I held my breath and ran. I was better once I was back in the trees."

"That was an awful risk, Bella. You're pushing yourself too hard, too fast. What would we do if…" we both glanced at Elizabeth. "You know what I mean…"

"I'm being careful, Renée. I know I'm pushing the limits of my control, but we need to be able to interact with people. We can't go on living like hermits forever. We need things, and we're going to have to move again eventually."

Elizabeth managed to get the wrapper open, and then nibbled a corner of the chocolate. Her eyes got big with surprise, and then she took a bigger bite. An innocent delighted smile spread across her face like only a child could have as they experienced something truly new and wonderful for the first time. She knew Renée and I were talking and discussing important adult things, but she reached up and placed her little hand on my cheek to share the experience with me.

I felt the wonder of the new experience and the joy she felt in the wonderful new flavor she had discovered. She liked it and wanted to thank me for her gift. It wasn't an interruption or a distraction. I had enough room in my new brain to fully appreciate what Elizabeth was experiencing and sharing without interrupting my conversation with Renée. We often did this where I would be listening to Elizabeth's silent commentary or feelings and experiences while simultaneously discussing something verbally with Renée. It would seem strange to a human, but I truly had the ability to multitask and follow both conversations at the same time now. I gave Elizabeth a hug while I listened to Renée.

"We have a year long lease on the cabin," Renée continued, "and the propane will last another three months, longer because we don't use the stove very often. The utilities are all direct billed, and there's enough cash in the account to cover them for as long as we'll be here. You have time to adjust, Bella. There's no rush."

"We don't have enough left in savings to get set up like this again when we have to move. I've only got about nine thousand left on my debit card. That'll do for first and last months rent, deposits and moving expenses. Maybe it'll be enough to get by on until then too if we're careful, but we're going to need an income if we want to keep living like this. That means one of us is going to have to get a job, and you know you can't be around people yet."

Phil was still paying Renée's cell phone bill. Probably so he'd have a number to reach her at so he could talk to her, but he wasn't going to be able to keep it up forever. Renee and Phil had done ok together, but they'd only been able to make ends meet because they had two incomes. Phil still had all of the bills, but now he didn't have Renee's income to help pay them. It was only a matter of time before they caught up with him and he'd be forced to make changes. At least she hadn't used her credit card anymore since the change. I'd renewed my prepaid cell phone online, and paid for the unlimited package for another three months when it was close to running out. We didn't have much in the way of expenses, but there were things we needed like clothes for Elizabeth and new shoes to replace our worn out ones. Some clothes that fit me right might be nice too.

It galled me that my baby was three months old and I'd never been able to buy a single thing for her. The candy bar I'd given her tonight was the first thing I'd ever purchased for her in her entire life, and I wanted to do right by her. In truth, I wanted to do more than right. I wanted her to have everything she needed or wanted, and I wasn't going to be able to do that for her hiding in a cabin in the forest.

"I should be the one to get a job." Renée said. "I'm supposed to take care of you, not the other way around…"

"You know that wouldn't work, Renée. Even if you had some kind of job where you weren't around people very much at all, you'd still have to meet and interact with them sometimes. You can't do that. You can't even go down to the highway to get the mail yet. You know what would happen if you had to stand face to face with a human. You might be able to blend in better than me, but you can't be around people yet."

Renée gave an involuntary shudder at the thought of what she'd do if she came face to face with a human.

"Ok… What kind of a job do you think you'll be able to get, Bella? You can barely be around people yet yourself. I know you had a part time job at that sporting goods store, but you look like a teenager, and you don't even have high school diploma. I doubt you could handle a retail job, and being around human food would make you sick to your stomach."

"I don't know… I'll get a paper in town, tomorrow night, and see what's available. It's not like I'll be out putting in applications anytime soon, but we need to think about building up our savings for when we do have to move."

"Umm… What about the eyes…? Bright red isn't very common. It's sure to attract attention. How long until the color starts to fade?"

"Probably another three or four months… as long as I don't have any accidents. The girl at the gas station noticed them… She thought I was wearing contacts." I picked up one of the pair of sunglasses, and put them on. "What do you think? Are they me?"

"Very chic, but you can't wear those all the time if you're working, and they'll attract as much attention as the red eyes if you wear them at night. Why did that girl think you were wearing contacts? They make red contact lenses?"

"Sure, you can get colored contact lenses in all kinds of different colors. Most people use them to change the color of their eyes, but you can get novelty contacts in colors or designs for parties and costumes. They make red contact lenses for people that want to dress up as vampires, and cat eye contacts for gags and costume parties. I remember Alice saying that the Cullens used then sometimes, but their eyes didn't stand out so much because they were more of a honey topaz shade instead of red."

"Yeah, I remember Edward's eyes from the hospital in Phoenix. I knew yellow eyes were uncommon, and I thought it was strange that they all had the same eye color if they were supposed to be adopted. Of course I only met Edward and his father. His sister was there the first day, but I was too focused on you to notice her eyes. So would these colored contacts cover up the red? It'd be a lot easier to pass for human if your eyes weren't red."

"They should. That's why the Cullens used them, not that they had to cover red eyes, but to help blend in sometimes. I'll do some research on it after you guys go to bed later. I'm gonna keep going into town, mom. I need to build up my resistance. I think we're gonna have to clear off the driveway pretty soon too."

"Why? I thought we'd just let it go until spring. It's February now. It'll melt off on it's own by the end of next month. Even if we get more storms, it'll be clear before Easter."

"I'm not going to wait that long. I'll keep practicing, but I'm going to need to be able to drive into Rapid City before Easter. Maybe in a week or two."

"Why do you need to drive to Rapid City?"

"Well, it'll be easier to blend in, in a bigger city if I'm going to need to buy those contact lenses, and I need clothes for Elizabeth. We both need new shoes and I'd like some clothes that fit me. I think a trip to Walmart is in order pretty soon, and maybe some of those pawn shops we looked at before."

"You're not going to look for a job all the way out there, are you? That seems awful far from home…"

I knew Renée was worried about me being so far away. I knew part of it was worry for me and what would happen if somebody figured out my secret, but she was worried about what would happen to her and Elizabeth too. She wouldn't be able to handle being around people for a long time, and she'd end up as a nomad if anything happened to me. It might be years before she could settle down and re-enter civilized society.

"No, I'll just go there to shop. I'd be too conspicuous shopping too much here in town, at least until I see about buying some of those contact lenses. I'll try and find a job closer to home."

"Can I go too, momma?" Elizabeth asked. "I want to see the city and look at the humans."

"Maybe… You know we can't bite anyone, ok? We only bite animals, no matter how good the humans smell…"

"I know, momma. Biting people is bad. We'd have to leave and move away if we bite people."

"We're going to have to move a lot, anyhow, Elizabeth. It'll be a long time before we can live in one place for very long. People will know we're different if we don't keep moving."

"Ok, momma. Is Grandpa Phil going to come visit us soon? I want to meet him. I hear Grandma Renée talk to him on the phone." Elizabeth turned to look at Renée then. "You're always so sad when you get off the phone. He should come visit so you can be happy."

"I want him too, Lizzy, but it isn't safe for him to be around us yet. He isn't like us, honey. He's still human and I might hurt him. I can't take a chance on that happening."

"If he was like us, would he be able to stay with you?"

"Yes, if he wanted to."

"He wants to. I can hear him when you talk on the phone. He loves you, Grandma."

"I love him too, but I can't make that decision for him, Lizzy. Maybe your momma will be able to talk to him for me soon, and then he can decide if he wants to come live with us."

I took Elizabeth outside to play in the forest later. We went for a run and checked the mail. She picked out a book and we took turns reading later when we got back. At first I had read to her, but eventually she had asked for the book. We compromised and took turns reading aloud now.

Elizabeth dozed off in my arms and I carried her to bed. Renée was tired too, and decided to call it a day. She told me good morning and went in to bed. I went in and sat down at my laptop to do my research once they were asleep for the day.

There were several websites and companies that offered colored contact lenses. You could buy non-corrective cosmetic only contact lenses from almost all of the companies that sold contacts. There were even sellers on E-bay that offered them for sale. The clinical term for the non-corrective lenses was Plano Contact lenses. There was one problem though that kept me from ordering them immediately.

Apparently you needed a prescription to buy them even if you were just getting the plain cosmetic lenses. It didn't matter if they were colored or novelty designs or even clear. You couldn't even order them online unless you had the information from a prescription to enter on the order form. That meant I was going to have to find a flexible optician or optometrist who would write me a prescription to buy them. It wasn't like I could actually go in and have my eyes tested. It was going to be hard enough avoiding people looking at my eyes without going to an eye doctor whose job was to test eyes and eyesight. One look at me, and they'd know something was up.

I could think of two ways out of this. We were getting short on cash considering everything we'd need to do in the next year, but I could buy a prescription. Hopefully I could just pay the money and skip the exam because I just wanted a prescription for plain lenses. The other method was more dangerous, but I could always get tough with the optician, and force them to write the prescription. I'd even pay for it, but I wasn't going to let them look at my eyes.

It was dangerous because if things got out of hand, I could kill somebody, and so far my record was clean. Even somebody as sweet as Esme had had accidents, but I was only three month into this new life. I was being careful, but now I knew just exactly how hard it had been for all of them. I had a new appreciation for what Jasper had gone through, and as painful as it was to consider, I knew just how miraculous what Edward had been able to do was now. I knew it was only a matter of time until there was literally blood on my hands, or lips as the case may be.

I tried not to think about that, and concentrated on building my control.

I went back into town every night, but I spread my trips around to the rest of the surrounding communities. Most of the towns in the hills were tiny with the rudiments of a main street and residential housing. Some of them had a few businesses, maybe a general store, a gas station with a convenience store, some hotels and motels, maybe a bed and breakfast. Some of the towns had thrift stores or consignment shops. There was scattered farming and ranching, some mining and quarrying operations, but industry was fairly spread out up in the hills.

None of the towns were close together. They were generally thirty or forty miles apart and scattered through the hills on winding narrow two lane highways that wound through the hills and mountain passes. There were some smaller towns along the edge of the plains, but most of them were much larger than the tiny hill towns.

I kept making late night trips until I felt more comfortable around people. Then I started going earlier in the evening so I'd have a larger pool of stores to visit. Once I could actually spend more than a couple of minutes in a shop, I visited some consignment shops and thrift stores and found Elizabeth some clothes to wear. I was able to find a cheap winter coat for protective camouflage when I made my trips. I even picked up a couple of things for Renée.

There was an unexpected bonus to shopping in the thrift stores. All of the shops would launder the second hand clothes that they offered for sale, but they couldn't help but absorb a strong human scent from the people that browsed and handled them. People would try them on to check the fit, and add to the lingering human scent that permeated the fabric. I'd wrap my purchases tightly in the plastic bags they supplied to carry the things I bought so they'd retain as much of the scent as possible.

Elizabeth loved the smell of the clothes and thought they smelled 'yummy', but I didn't think she really had any problem at all resisting the human scent. They didn't drive her into a frenzy like they did with Renée at first. It was frightening and a little disheartening the first time I brought home a bag from the thrift shop and the intelligent human part that was Renée went away and the slavering savage made its appearance. She ripped the bag out of my hands and shredded the contents before I even had a chance to say hello.

She got better after that episode, and now the clothes that I would bring home were helping her to cope with the scent as she worked at desensitizing herself to humans. She was able to get the mail now, and could travel along the highway and resist the lingering scent of humans now. She had a long way to go, and her progress was slower than mine, but she was making progress.

I felt confident that she'd at least be able to run away now if she was accidently surprised by a human. Obviously not if they were in her face or a close environment like a store, but if say a delivery van showed up at the house or somebody came to read the electric meter, she'd have the presence of mind to run into the forest before they ever got to the door.

I made a point of buying a newspaper every night before I left town and I'd read the want ads every morning after Elizabeth and Renée went to bed. To be honest, usually I'd read the whole paper. I'd already read all of the books in the house, and I'd usually buy a couple of new ones every time I went to a thrift store. It was difficult finding enough activity to fill all the hours that Renee and Elizabeth were asleep.

It was going to be a long boring eternity if I didn't find something to occupy my time. I could see why Carlisle had spent so many hours at the hospital. At least the rest of the Cullens had high school to concentrate on even if they hated it and thought it was boring. I could see why Esme had made a career of interior decorating and architectural design. There were just too many hours in the day when you didn't sleep at all. I knew eventually I'd take some online classes to finish high school, and I'd probably start college that way too, but for now, I was looking forward to getting a job to help support my family before I created more bills.

Renee was feeling better about my decision to get a job once she knew in her heart that I was making steady progress at being around people. It helped that she was making progress too, now that she knew she could at least resist the lingering scent of humans. She got the tractor out of the shed and cleared the driveway off during the first week in March. I got the truck out, and took Elizabeth for her first drive in a car.

I knew how durable she was, but I didn't want to take a chance getting pulled over. I'd bought a car seat for the truck on one of my shopping trips, and strapped her in for the ride. We drove into Hill City and filled up the truck with gas. I let Elizabeth come in with me when I paid for the gas. I bought a newspaper, and let her pick out a candy bar, and then we went home. I was certain the trip was easier for her than it was for me. We went early enough that I could wear my dark glasses, and having Elizabeth along for the trip made it easier for me and the guy behind the counter. Elizabeth grounded me so I was more relaxed, and she completely captivated the clerk so he didn't get nervous with me standing in front of him at the cash register.

I made the trip to Rapid City during the second week in March. I went alone for this first trip. I left early in the afternoon while Elizabeth was still asleep. I wanted to get there early enough that my dark glasses wouldn't stand out too much. I knew that Walmart had an optical department and I was going to try and get the prescription I needed to buy my contact lenses. I knew I might have to force the issue, and I didn't want Elizabeth there for that. I'd try to make it up to her later and take her shopping in the city once I knew I could handle it.

It made me nervous to drive in the city again after my change. I knew I could walk into a store and browse and shop now without too much difficulty, but there were so many people here. The thrift stores I'd been going to only had at the most one or two customers and a clerk if they were crowded. This was a Walmart Supercenter I was going to. There would likely be dozens of customers even in the early afternoon in the middle of the week.

There was a steady stream of traffic on the highway, and then it turned into a freeway as I drove across Rapid City from west to east. I had no difficulty driving. The freeway felt like I was moving in slow motion, and I had to resist the urge to press the gas pedal down to the floor and drive around the cars in front of me that seemed to move so slowly along the concrete ribbon. It wasn't heavy traffic, but there were dozens of cars and I could smell the press of human bodies all around me despite the fact that they were in their cars and I was in my truck with the windows rolled up.

The city literally reeked of human and there was nowhere you could go to escape it. Holding my breath wasn't going to help. If I lost it I was toast. I was just going to have to suck it up and tough it out if I wanted to make it home again. Home was what kept me grounded. I had to do this for Elizabeth and Renee. They needed me, and I couldn't let myself loose control and go on a rampage.

I might make it ok if that happened, but I'd attract a lot of attention. The kind of attention the Volturi were on the lookout for. They would have no compunction about hunting down a newborn gone rogue in the heart of the city. The only thing that might slow them down was wondering who had created me and then abandoned me so they could hunt them down next.

I didn't know what they'd make of Elizabeth and Renee. They were less of a danger to the secret than I was, but the Volturi struck me as a group that would err on the side of caution from what I had heard about them. Something new and different would probably be greeted as a threat. It was best if they never learned that Elizabeth or Renee even existed. That meant that if I exposed myself I'd have to run and leave them to keep them safe. I tried to push all of that out of my mind as I pulled into the parking lot at the Walmart Supercenter.

If there was one thing I had learned about the Midwest and the plains states since I'd ended up in South Dakota, it was that the weather was fickle. The saying out here was, 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes, it'll change.' One minute it could be raining, and the next the clouds would clear and the sun would shine. It wasn't exactly an overcast day, but there was heavy cloud cover from horizon to horizon. Patches of sunlight would open up sporadically over the city letting shafts of sunlight beam down, but heavy cloud shadow covered the parking lot now. It was late afternoon by the time I was ready to walk into Walmart, and it would be twilight by the time I left if this went well.

The main parking lot was on the western approach to the building. That meant the sun would shine on the front of the store and the main entrances until after sundown. If the cloud cover broke, that could trap me inside the store until after dark. I cruised through the parking lot looking for another option. The parking lot wrapped around the north face of the building. There were a couple of loading docks at the back corner of the building, but there was a side entrance too that led into the grocery section of the supercenter. I might have to hold my breath, but the shadow of the building was already stretching toward the parked cars and there was still enough cloud cover to let me walk in safely without attracting attention. This part of the parking lot should be in deep shadow when I left, whether the cloud cover broke or not.

I parked the truck and made my way up to the door. There weren't any other customers using this door, and I pushed it open and stepped inside.

Uhgg… I wanted to gag and retch, but I clamped my jaw shut and held my breath. I steeled my resolve and walked into the store. I was in the bakery and deli section and it was flanked by the fresh produce. There had to be two or three rotisserie roasters going, and a deep fat fryer. The deli display cases were open at the back and were filled with cooked meats ready to be sliced up into cold cuts and blocks of cheese sitting out on display. There were glass fronted display cases full of doughnuts, rolls and pastries. Another display case was full of cakes. I hurried through too fast, but I had to get out of that part of the store.

I remembered liking this part of the store when I was human. Renee and I would go shopping on the weekend just so we could try all the samples that they'd have out on the ends of the grocery isles, and I had loved the deli section. Now the only positive thing I could say about it was that it didn't smell like humans.

Thankfully the optical department was at the opposite end of the huge store. I moved into the clothing and apparel sections to make my way across the inside of the store. There were people browsing, but they ignored me for the most part. I moved through the women's section and entered the men's section before I could see into the department I was looking for.

The optical section was up at the front of the store in a separate open store front across from the long line of cash registers. It was a fairly large section and there were a couple of girls in white coats behind counters of glasses frames. There was another man in a white doctor's coat that was sitting on a stool chatting with one of the girls. The hours were listed on a marquee display. I had an hour until they closed. The sign said the optometrist was in, and an exam would cost me $69.95 for contacts.

I couldn't let him examine me, but I needed the prescription. I knew there would be too many questions I couldn't answer if he did an exam. For one, he'd want to take my blood pressure and as far as I knew I didn't have any. I didn't think I had blood in my veins anymore, and I certainly didn't have a pulse or heartbeat.

If he was reasonable I could even buy the contacts here if they had them in stock, but as long as I had a prescription, I could order them online. The thing was, I couldn't just strong arm the guy to give me a piece of paper unless I walked away with the contacts today. If I ordered online, they'd check my prescription with the doctor that wrote it. I had to have a prescription on file if I wanted to place an online order, and that meant he had to enter my prescription into the database.

I was sure there were ways around this situation. The Cullens had it easy with Carlisle being a doctor. He could either simply write the prescription himself, or he probably knew somebody who would. Hopefully this doctor would be reasonable and just write the prescription for me if I paid for the exam.

I couldn't stand here all day agonizing over all of the variables and what might happen while my throat burned and it got harder and harder simply to stand in the store. I had to go over there and make it happen. I shook myself and started across to the optical department. There were a couple of out of service cash register lanes, and I cut through one of the spaces to cross to the open store front.

The man looked up when I stepped into the shop obviously intent on walking up to him. He stood up as I approached and smiled at me. I smiled back at him, but I knew better than to show my teeth now.

"Hello, can I help you with something today, Miss?" he said as I stood in front of him. His nametag said Dr. B. Crouch OD. He must not have noticed the gold band on my left hand. I still wore it for protective camouflage. I hoped it would keep guys away so they wouldn't approach me when I was out.

I was keeping my distance from him, but the warm moist puffs of breath beat against me with every word he spoke. I could carry on a short conversation now, but I was still pressing my luck being in a store this big with this many people around me.

"I'm hoping you can. I'm going to a costume party, and I was going to buy some colored contact lenses, but I need a prescription to even buy the plain cosmetic lenses."

"That's not a problem. I can fix you up. We sell a lot of colored lenses here. Why don't you step into my office, and we can discuss what you need?"

I nodded and he led me toward a door at the side of the shop. He opened the door and we walked into an exam room that was set up for vision testing. He indicated a chair next to a desk and he sat down on a round stool in front of a computer on the desk. He handed me a clip board with a patient information form on it. He started typing on the computer as I started to fill out the form.

"I'm Dr. Barney Crouch." He said as he extended his hand to shake mine "You can take off your sun glasses in here."

"I'm Bella Swan. Thank you, but I'll keep them on if it's all the same…" I didn't reach for his hand to shake it, and after a minute he let his hand drop.

"Ok… So how long has it been since you had an eye exam, Bella?"

"Honestly, I can't remember when I've ever had an eye exam."

"Well we can certainly take care of that…"

"I don't need an eye exam. I'll pay for one if you like, to cover your fee for your time, but I just need the prescription. I'll even buy the contacts here if you carry the plano contacts in warm honey."

"I guess I can skip the exam if you don't want it since you just want cosmetic lenses. It's included in the fee though, and I should still fit you for your contacts. It's company policy. You know, you really ought to just let me test your eyes if you've never had an exam. You never know when there might be something that you're not even aware of because you've never had it looked at."

"Look, Barney, I don't need an exam, ok?" I looked around the room and there was an eye chart on the far wall about twenty feet away. "See your eye chart over there?" He nodded. "The bottom row says D E F P O T E C. The line below that says Snellen Eye Chart, Copyright 1989 Allegro Medical Co. Springfield, MO. Is that good enough for you?"

"Ok…, but I should fit you…"

"Just write the prescription for plano lenses with a back curve of 8.6, and a diameter of 14.0. I'll make do with that."

"This is very irregular. I really should at least fit you." He started to reach for my sunglasses. I grabbed his wrist before he touched me. I felt him try to pull away from my grip, but it was like his arm was surrounded by an immovable steel band.

"Look Barney, I don't want to hurt you. I'm not going to take off my sunglasses, you aren't going to do an exam, and you aren't going to fit my lenses. Understand?" I smiled and I let him see my teeth this time. His heart rate spiked and I could smell the fear as he broke out in a cold sweat.

I had to fight not to pull him towards me. I could see the pulse hammering in his neck and it would be so easy to just pull him into my lap and sink my teeth… No! Not today! Not ever!

He nodded, and I quickly let go of his arm. He scuttled back away from me, putting some distance between us. I was thankful he had enough self-preservation instinct to know I was dangerous. I didn't have to react and could put on a show of sitting stoically while in reality I was reeling from what had almost happened.

"Now, are you going to write me a prescription and sell me some contact lenses, or do I need to take my business elsewhere?" I held out the clip board with my personal information on it. I wanted to run, but I was so close…

"Sh… sure…" he stuttered, and he took the clip board. "Plano Lenses in warm honey… How many boxes would you like? Four boxes is a six month supply, but we have a discount if you buy eight boxes…"

"How much?" Bingo! I was home free if we were talking price. If I could just hold out a little longer I could pull this off.

"The regular price is $37.49 a box, but if you buy eight boxes, they're $34.49 a box. That's $275.92 and $69.95 for the exam fee, plus tax. Umm… that's $370.08."

I figured I was better off safe than sorry. I didn't know how long they'd last for me, and I had at least three months to go before the red would fade out to an ochre topaz.

"Sure, give me the eight boxes. You've got those in stock, right?" He was rapidly typing my information into the computer from my information card.

"Yes…" He rolled his stool back even further and pulled a sheet out of the printer, then moved close enough to slide the paper across the counter to me. "Here's a print out of your prescription and your contact order. Just give it to the girl out front, and she'll set you up."

"Can I use this to re-order online?"

"It's guaranteed for a year, but because it's for plane lenses, it should be good until you decide to get an exam to change it."

"Perfect. Thank you Dr. Crouch."

He just nodded, and I heard him give a sigh of relief when I walked out of the exam room. I walked up to the counter and handed my paper to the girl.

"Well, that was fast. Let me see, warm honey? Ok." She turned and opened a cabinet in the counter and searched for a minute. Then she started stacking boxes on the counter. Eight boxes of contacts was a large package, but she fit it all into one large over stuffed bag.

"Would you like to pay for that here, or do you have more shopping to do?" she asked.

"I'll pay here thank you." I took out my wallet, and handed her my debit card. She scanned it, and had me sign the window with the stylus. She folded my prescription and put it in the bag.

"Thank you for shopping at the Walmart vision center," and then she handed me my card and the receipt.

I nodded and took my bag and got the hell out of there. I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to hold it together, and I had to get away from all of these humans. I took a calculated risk and cut across the front of the store. There were a lot more people concentrated in the area as they went through the check stands, but most of them were busy watching their own purchases get rung up, and most gave me a wide berth as they were conscious of their own personal space.

I turned right to dodge into the deli section instead of turning left to walk out the main door. I glanced out the door as I went past and bright sunlight was streaming in the door as the sun sat on the horizon below the cloud cover. The angle was wrong, so I didn't walk through it, but I was glad I hadn't parked out there.

I was distracted by the sun, and suddenly my senses were assaulted by the stench of human food. I gagged and choked, but then I stopped breathing until I got to the door. I looked out, and the shadow of the building was well past my truck, and I was safe to walk out to it. I got in and set the bag on the floor on the passenger side. I slammed the door behind me, and took a deep breath.

I had done it! I had gone to Walmart and survived the experience! It might not sound like much, but it was a major achievement for me. I could do this! I could be around people and not kill them or eat them!

That was about when I realized I wasn't reacting to the humans from the store anymore. I still had the burn in the back of my throat, and I was still assaulted by that glorious stench that pounded at me from every direction, but the need to run that I had felt when I was with Barney was gone. The only thing I could think of that might account for this was my reaction to the disgusting odor of human food when I walked through the deli.

It didn't make it any easier, but it wasn't any worse that it was when I got here. I could go back in if I wanted too.

I reached for one of the boxes of contact lenses and opened it. I got out the plastic container with the lenses. They were 6 lenses in each box, and the plastic container held two lenses. They were thin flexible plastic immersed in saline solution, and were supposed to last a week or two before you discarded them and got a new set out. I didn't know how long they'd last for me, but I knew the Cullens had used them so I knew they would work. I took off my sunglasses, and then carefully opened the container and placed one in each eye.

I blinked a couple of times, and then adjusted the rearview mirror so I could look at them. The warm honey color was a pretty close match to what the Cullen's eyes had looked like. I had chosen this color because it was what I was expecting my eyes to turn out like in time when the bright red faded away.

I took a couple of spare set of contacts and put them in my purse, and tossed the sunglasses in too. I wanted to test this out, and I got out of the truck and went back into the store.

The contacts weren't perfect, but they were better than bright red eyes. For one thing, they were distracting. I could see the ridges and imperfections in the lenses, and my eyes would try to focus back to study the lenses instead of what I was supposed to be looking at. Every time I passed a mirror, I'd look to make sure I was still covered and they were still there. I knew they were because I could see them, but I wanted to reassure myself. Actually the distraction was kind of welcome because it helped keep my mind off of the burn in my throat.

I wouldn't say I went on a shopping spree, but I picked up some of the things we needed. I got each of us a new pair of shoes, and I bought some clothes for Elizabeth. I didn't get much because I knew she'd out grow them fast, but she deserved to have something new instead of always wearing clothes from the thrift stores. I wasn't too proud to dress my baby in second hand clothes. Most of them were just as good as new, but she deserved it, and I wanted her to have some things that were new.

Next I went to the women's section to pick out a couple of outfits for me and Renee. Renee hadn't changed physically nearly as much as I had. She could still wear most of her clothes although she didn't have much. Very few of my clothes fit comfortably. Besides, I hadn't brought very much with me in the first place when I left Charlie's.

I knew I had always complained about Alice and her shopping. It had seemed ostentatious the way she had dressed the Cullens in designer clothes, and wasteful because they rarely wore the same thing twice, but now I knew you honestly got what you paid for. I could see now what she had been able to see then. Every broken and frayed thread was immediately apparent to me. I could see every uneven seem, every missed stitch, every minor imperfection was obvious and stood out. And it wasn't just a matter of seeing it all; I could feel all of the imperfections when I wore the clothes.

I must have looked like a scruffy ragamuffin to all of them in my ragged faded jeans and threadbare t-shirts. They had still told me they loved me up until they left and abandoned me.

Besides, it wasn't just the cut and construction that was important but the choice of fabric was now a major concern. Synthetic manmade fabrics reeked with a chemical stench that was too horrible for words. I had gone through the clothes I had at the cabin and sorted out everything that was impossible to wear now. Cotton was acceptable, but now I knew why the Cullens had worn expensive clothes. I couldn't afford expensive clothes, and I certainly couldn't afford to only wear them once, but I could at least buy some clothes that fit.

I picked out a couple of pair of jeans for us that weren't exactly designer, but were more expensive than what I would have bought before the change. I spent some time searching, and found a couple of tops for each of us that were acceptable. I bought some socks, and then moved on to pick out some underwear.

I didn't need a bra anymore. Gravity wasn't a problem and I didn't need support, but I just didn't feel right not wearing one. I picked some out, and I knew it was going to be a relief to have one that actually fit my more ample size now.

I noticed the change in the contact lenses while I was shopping. I looked into a mirror by the fitting room while I was considering heading up to the checkout. The contacts were dissolving from the venom in my eyes, and were starting to break up. I ducked into the fitting room and blinked my eyes until the fragments broke up and were gone, and then I got out another pair and replaced them.

It didn't feel like I had been there so long, but I checked my phone and realized it was nearly two hours since I'd gone back into the store. I'd made a trip back through the deli section twice so far when the human scent got to be too much, and it helped me get by. It was disgusting, but it was better than being driven from the store by the human scent.

Well, so much for buying a year's supply of contact lenses. The contacts were supposed to last a human for two weeks, but they'd only lasted for two hours in my eyes. With normal use, a year's supply was supposed to last at least forty-eight weeks, not forty-eight hours. I was going to have to be judicious about when and where to use them. I was still going to have to use the sunglasses when I could get away with it to save the contacts for when I really needed them. I couldn't afford to throw down three hundred dollars and change every couple of weeks, even if it meant making it easier to fit in.

I pushed my shopping cart up to the front of the store, and found an open check out line and loaded my purchases onto the conveyor. The girl scanned them and rang them up, and I slid my debit card through the scanner when she had it totaled up. This had been an expensive day, but it was all stuff we needed. I took the bags and left the cart and headed out to the truck to go home.

It was time to start seriously thinking about getting a job. I knew I could be around humans enough now to handle it as long as it wasn't something that required me to be constantly in their presence. Besides, we couldn't live off the money Alice had left me indefinitely. We were getting closer and closer to the bottom of the well, and I had to start putting something back or we'd end up on the streets with nowhere to go. I wasn't going to hole up in some abandoned farm house in the middle of nowhere or squat in vacant buildings if I had another option available.

I thought about what kind of job I might be able to get as I drove back to the cabin. There were always want ads in the paper offering jobs, but most of them required a college degree or some sort of training or certificate. I wasn't trained to be a nurse or dental hygienist, and I wouldn't pass the background check to work in a bank or any kind of office for that matter. I didn't even have a high school diploma, and that automatically disqualified me for a lot of jobs.

Another important consideration was what I was capable of tolerating as far as being around humans was concerned. I knew I couldn't be in their constant company yet. I needed a job where I could work alone or at least independently most of the time. I'd be ok for a while to report for work, and for reporting to a supervisor, but I knew I couldn't do something where I had to stand in the same room with humans all day long. Something working nights or evenings would be ideal, but most of the businesses closed by nine o'clock.

The bars were open late enough, and you only had to be eighteen to serve alcohol. They probably wouldn't care if I had a diploma as long as I was easy on the eyes, but there were too many people around. The atmosphere would be stifling, and there would be guys there that would want to hit on me despite the fake wedding ring. It was premeditated murder waiting to happen if I put myself in that kind of situation.

Fast food or any restaurant or waitressing job was out of the question. I wouldn't be able to stand the reek of the food, not to mention there were too many humans around to make if a viable option.

The late night shift at the gas station convenience store seemed like an ideal solution. The people I'd seen working those jobs were always alone. There were infrequent customers, and it was something I could do at night. The problem was, all of the jobs I knew about were all taken.

The same girl had been working the late night shift at the gas station in Hill City as long as I'd been visiting the town. There was never a help wanted sign in that window, and from what I could tell, it was a family business. The girl's dad probably owned the gas station or was the mechanic or something. I didn't hold out much hope that they'd be hiring anytime soon.

A lot of the businesses in Hill City and the other surrounding communities often advertised for help by simply placing a help wanted sign in the window. Most of them didn't bother advertising in the paper, and relied on word of mouth to get the word out that they were hiring. I'd have to keep my eyes open and see what was available on my next trip into town.

Elizabeth and Renee were both up waiting for me when I got home. The second set of contact lenses were still in my eyes, and both of them were startled by my appearance when I walked in.

"Bella?" Renee asked in shock when she looked at me. "You look… So human…"

"Gee, thanks mom. So what do you two think? Do you like it?" I asked.

"Yeah… I just wasn't expecting it. Umm… did everything go ok?" Renee asked."

"Well, it wasn't a picnic, but I did everything I needed to do. I didn't have any accidents."

Elizabeth was still looking at me funny, and I reached for her and swung her up into my arms.

"Well, baby girl, what do you think?"

She laid her hand on my cheek and I saw a vision of the empty house as she went from room to room searching for me, and then I felt a wave of disappointment when she found the empty garage and the truck gone.

"You can go next time, Elizabeth. I'm sorry I left you home, but it was too dangerous to take you with me until I knew I could do it."

"Promise?" She asked.

"I swear, the next time I go to the city, you can go with me."

"Ok…"

"I brought you something…"

"Chocolate?"

"No, not this time." I started to walk back to the garage. "So what do you think of momma's eyes?"

"You look funny, Momma. I like the red better."

"Well, get used to it, baby girl. This is what my eyes are going to look like when you get bigger. Nobody in our house is gonna have red eyes."

"Why momma?"

"Red eyes either mean you had an accident or you aren't a nice person. It means something bad happened."

"Vampires that bite humans have red eyes?"

"Yes, Elizabeth, and we don't bite humans if we can help it. Now let me show you what I got for you."

We hadn't really celebrated Christmas or the holidays this past season. Elizabeth was born in November, and neither Renee nor I had been in any kind of condition to buy gifts or celebrate. It was March now but it felt like Christmas as we opened our packages and passed around the new things I had bought for everyone. They were just simple things that we needed, but Elizabeth was so excited about having new things to wear. Renee thanked me for being so thoughtful and loved the clothes I had picked out for her. I felt a wave of pride that I had been able to master my instincts and withstand the bloodlust so I could provide for the people that meant so much to me in this new life.

It would have been perfect if Charlie and Phil could have been there, but sometimes you had to sacrifice to keep the people you loved the most out of danger and safe.

We went hunting together after we put away the things I'd brought home from Rapid City. Elizabeth didn't have to share with either of us anymore, and was lethal huntress in her own right. She took after her father and preferred mountain lion, but she understood that they were an endangered species and had to be carefully managed.

I wouldn't let her hunt bear on her own. She might be able to handle one by herself, but it made me too anxious to watch her tiny form stalk such a massive creature, and I knew they were strong enough to hurt her if they got lucky. I'd help her if she wanted to take one down, but we weren't going far enough a field tonight to find any predators.

We stayed close to the cabin and only ran about ten or fifteen miles into the forest. There were plenty of deer and elk throughout the hills, and I just needed something to take the edge off after being bombarded by the massed human scent of the city.

I had Renee take Elizabeth back to the cabin after we had finished with our kills. I was anxious to start looking for a job, and I wanted to circle east to make a pass through Hill City to pick up a newspaper and look around to see if there were any help wanted signs.

Elizabeth wanted to go with me, but I told her no. I hadn't taken her back since that time we went to the gas station. The less people saw of her, the better. She changed too fast, and if people started to notice her, we'd have to leave town and move.

Most of the businesses were closed when I walked into town, but I had expected as much. There was a help wanted sign in the window of the local grocery store, but I didn't think that would work. I wouldn't have any trouble running a cash register, but there'd be way too many people, and I didn't want to be around that much human food.

I walked by the gas station, but like always, there was no sign. Usually I bought a paper at the gas station or more rarely from the vending machine in front of the grocery store. I didn't feel like going into the gas station tonight, and I'd already been to the grocery store. I remembered seeing some newspaper vending machines outside the Comfort Inn, so I decided to go over there and take a look.

There were some cars in the parking lot of the hotel but the tourist season hadn't started yet. I could see the bored looking hostess leaning on the counter watching TV through the glass front door, but I didn't pay her much attention. I bought my newspaper, and was about to leave so I could melt into the surrounding forest and run home when something caught my eye. There was a help wanted sign in the window.

_Help Wanted_

_Hotel Housekeeper_

_Immediate openings. Flexible hours. No experience required. Salary DOE._

_Apply in person._

Housekeeper? Like a hotel maid?

I could clean. There might be people around, but they'd all be in their rooms most of the time. From all the hotel maid service I'd seen, it looked like a pretty solitary job. Sure, you might meet up with the other girls for breaks or to chat, but most of the time you were cleaning rooms by yourself. Not to mention the cleaning supplies and chemicals would help mask the human scent and make it easier to do the job. It said flexible hours. If I could get on an evening or night shift, there might not even be anyone else on the staff but the hostess at the front desk. This was worth investigating.

I thought for a minute, and figured it was worth a pair of contacts to go and ask about the job. Didn't want to walk in wearing sunglasses at night and come off as some kind of weirdo druggy freak. It wasn't super late out. It was only about eleven o'clock. That was nothing in the city, but it was well after when they rolled up the sidewalks in a small town.

I took off my dark glasses and got out a contact container from of my purse. I popped them into my eyes and took a second to blink my eyes and adjust, and then I pulled the door open and walked inside. The hostess Looked up when I walked in and smiled at me as I walked up to the counter.

"Welcome to the Comfort Inn. Can I help you with something?" She asked.

"I saw your help wanted sign, and I was interested in the job."

"Isn't it a little late for job hunting?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I'm kind of a night owl. I came into town to get a newspaper to look at the help wanted ads, and I saw your sign in the window. Is the job still available?"

I saw her look me over with an appraising eye. "Yes, we're ramping up our housekeeping staff for the summer season. With four hotels in town, it pays to start early. Are you out of school?" I saw her glance at the ring on my finger.

"I'm not in school… Do you have an application I can fill out?"

"Sure, just a minute." She walked through a door behind the counter into an office and was back a minute later with a single sheet of paper attached to a clip board.

"Go ahead and fill this out. You can have a seat over there if you like," she said, indicating a couple of arm chairs and a sofa around a square coffee table in the middle of the lobby. "Then we can talk when you're done. I'm Anna Watkins, the night shift manager."

I nodded and took the application over to the conversation group and sat down to fill it out. I put down as much of the truth as I could. I gave the address for the cabin outside Hill City and used my cell phone number. The questions about whether or not I was a citizen and was authorized to work in this country and if I'd ever been convicted of a felony were easy to answer. I used my real drivers' license and social security numbers.

The question about whether or not I had graduated from high school or not was harder, but I told the truth.

I listed Charlie and Renee as personal references. Charlie knew where I was now, and I hoped he wouldn't show up out her looking for me.

I had re-memorized all of the information about my previous job at Newton's Outfitters, and wrote it down on the form. Karen Newton would probably give me a good reference even if I had run out on them without as so much as saying goodbye. She had to have heard the rumors by now, and she knew I had a reason to leave.

I put down Housekeeper as position applied for. The form asked for hours available, and I wrote in any. Then it asked for preferred shift, and I marked nights.

I got up and took the application back over to Anna when I was done. She looked it over for a couple of minutes.

"This is an out of state drivers' license number. How long have you been in town?"

"A couple of months. I came out here to take care of my mom. She got sick and needed help."

"You didn't finish high school?"

"I got pregnant and got married. I want to finish, but I have other priorities right now." She'd already seen the ring, so I might as well stick to the story.

"Where's your husband?"

"In Kuwait, he's in the service and got called up in the alert."

Anna nodded. "So it's just you and your mom and the baby? And let me guess, your mom can't work…"

"Look, I really need a job… We have some savings, but it isn't gonna last forever. I can clean, and I'm not afraid of hard work."

"Ok, this reference in Washington, who's that?"

"My dad, he's the chief of police in Forks…"

"Ok, I'll give you a shot. The job pays minimum wage to start, but we'll review your salary after ninety days if you work out. You want to work nights?"

"It fit's into my schedule better that way…"

"Fine, you'll be on your own most of the time, but if you can't handle the solitude, we need somebody for the night shift. Be back her tomorrow night at nine, and I'll have one of the girls come in to show you what to do. Welcome to Comfort Inn, Bella." She reached out across the counter to shake my hand.

I looked at it for a second, and then reached out and lightly gripped her hand to shake it. "Thanks Anna. I'll see you tomorrow night." She didn't seem to notice the cold, and just smiled at me. It was still pretty cold outside, and I hadn't been inside for long.

The burn wasn't too bad yet, and it wasn't like I needed to run from the lobby, but it was best to leave quickly before I tempted fate too much for one day. I turned and walked out the door and made my exit. I turned into the woods at the first opportunity and ran for home.

I was excited, and I wanted to share my news with Elizabeth and Renee. Renee was sitting on the couch reading with Elizabeth when I got walked in. It was a good thing Renee had experience as a teacher. I doubted Elizabeth would ever be able to go to a regular school, but home schooling her wasn't an issue. She was already well beyond kindergarten level, and was probably beyond grade school in many respects, but she was still just a little girl and had a lot to learn about the world.

"Hey guy's, guess what?" I said as they looked up to greet me.

"What momma?" Elizabeth asked. Renee just raised an eyebrow and gave me a quiet questioning look as she waited for me to go on.

"Well, you know how I was gonna go get a newspaper so I could look for a job?" I asked as I tossed the paper on the table. They both just nodded as they waited for me to go on.

"Well, I did one better! I got a job! I start tomorrow night!"

"You got a job?" Renee asked startled.

"Tomorrow night…?" Elizabeth asked a little tentatively.

"Yeah, I went to the Comfort Inn to buy a paper from the vending machine, and they had a help wanted sign in the window. I filled out an application, and the night manager hired me. I start tomorrow night at nine o'clock."

"What are you going to do?" Renee asked.

"Housekeeping. I'll be cleaning the hotel rooms at night so they're ready for the guests when they check in. Whatever else they need done too, I guess. They have a guest laundry service and there's an indoor pool and hot tub. The maid service makes up the beds and does general cleaning. I'll probably have more of the in between guest chores like mopping and vacuuming."

"And you're ok with that?"

Renee wasn't exactly a sloth when it came to housework, but she'd cleaned as much as she thought was necessary. I had done most of the cleaning when I lived with her. Not because she made me, but because that was how I liked it. It had been pretty much the same when I'd lived with Charlie. I wasn't exactly a neat freak, but I liked my house clean. With my enhanced senses, dirt was simply more obvious, and things left out of order bugged me. Taking a job cleaning rooms didn't bother me in the slightest. I was looking forward to it.

"Hey, it's a job and pays the bills. I can clean, and that kind of work is easy for me now. It'll let us build up our savings before we have to move when the lease runs out."

"You're going to work at night, momma?" Elizabeth asked. I knew what was bothering her. She was afraid she wouldn't see me if I was gone when she was up.

"I'll still spend time with you, Elizabeth. I don't sleep, baby girl, and it might take a little adjustment, but you can be up when I'm home, and sleep when I'm at work. I don't know if you remember, but you used to sleep at night when you were little…"

A huge grin broke out on Elizabeth's face, "Ok, momma, I remember. I can go out in the daytime, and play in the sun?"

"Of course, Elizabeth," I told her.

Renee seemed more apprehensive, but she didn't comment. She was better at resisting the human scent, and she could handle the lingering scents that she might encounter being out in the daytime now. She wasn't ready to walk into town or handle visiting the city, even driving in the car, but she was getting better at resisting the human scent.

"Can I go to work with you, momma?" She asked.

"I know you'd be a good helper, baby girl, but we can't let people see you. Maybe some night after I know what to expect, you can visit…" Renee gave me a withering glare at that comment. She couldn't take her, and neither of us would let her go that far on her own. "But not for a long time, Elizabeth," I hedged. Not until we know it's safe…

"Ok, momma." Elizabeth might be a little girl, but she was extremely intelligent, and she realized it was dangerous. Besides, she wasn't the sort to whine and cry for what she wanted. She knew we'd give her everything we were able to.

Elizabeth and Renee both went to bed earlier to start working on adjusting their schedule back to being more active during the daylight hours when I'd be home. It would be a big change, but it was necessary. It was going to be tough to be around humans so much, and anything we could do to make it easier was worth it. It went without saying that it would be easier for me to do any job at night.

The weather was just too fickle, and I didn't have Alice around to tell me if it was going to be sunny out or not. There were a lot of overcast days, and a lot of cloudy days, but it just didn't rain as much out here as it had in Forks. I couldn't count on the fact that I'd always be able to make it in to work if I was working days, not to mention the fact that I might be required to go outside for some tasks. I couldn't really balk at taking out the trash, just because it was sunny out. Either they'd know something was up, or I'd get fired.

I did a little research online after Elizabeth and Renee were asleep. I looked up housekeeping jobs to see if there was anything special I should expect, but it was pretty much what I had expected. I looked at the website for the Comfort Inn in Hill City. It had fifty-five rooms, the indoor pool and hot tub. They offered continental breakfast with hot waffles, but I doubted I'd have much to do with breakfast preparation or stocking the dining area if I was working nights.

I hadn't liked having to mark down that I hadn't finished high school when I filled out my application last night. I'd told Anna that I wanted to finish school, but now it was four months after I'd effectively dropped out, and I hadn't even looked into what I had to do to finish. The rest of the kids I'd gone to school with would be graduating in a couple of months. I knew I would have cringed at the thought of attending, but they were all probably thinking about prom and getting ready for the big day.

I had all day while I sat in the quiet house alone while Elizabeth and Renee slept. I looked some online virtual high schools, and it was really a lot easier than I had thought it would be. I had basically three options.

The first choice was to take online classes to complete the curriculum and earn enough credits to graduate. Almost all of the classes you could take at a regular high school were available online. This was the typical route for kids that were home schooled and wanted or needed to go to school online. It was a good option for kids in families that traveled, had special needs, or didn't have time to attend a regular high school. It was also possible to take individual classes if you had missed a class because of illness or were short of credits to graduate.

The second option was only available to adults that wanted to finish high school and get their high school diploma. You had to be eighteen to enroll in the program, and basically you took six tests to gauge your general education knowledge, and then wrote an essay. Depending on how you scored on the test, the virtual school would provide online classes to tutor you so you could pass the test and essay portion, and you'd receive an Adult Equivalency High School Diploma. The program took between two to six weeks to complete, and it only cost twenty bucks to enroll. The total package cost $299 dollars, but you didn't have to pay the tuition until you graduated.

Of course, the third option was taking the test to get your GED. It was a basic skills test to show that you knew enough to not need to go to high school. It was supposed to be equivalent to a high diploma, but it was harder to get into a good college if you only had a GED instead of a diploma. People looked down on it as what you had to do when you were a high school drop out.

I had plenty of time to do the first choice and finish all of the classes to earn the credits to graduate, but I was eighteen, and I knew I could probably pass the tests right now to get the adult diploma. Once I had a high school diploma, I could sign up for college level classes online. There were a ton of online virtual colleges, and why would I bother trying to finish up high school the hard way when I could be working on my degree online?

I paid my twenty bucks and enrolled in high school. I spent most of the day filling out forms, and then taking the assessment tests to see what classes I'd have to take to graduate. I aced everything but the math test. That had always been my weakest subject. I got set up in a class to help me brush up and work on the skills I'd need to pass the test. I could work at my own pace, and worse case scenario, I'd be able to graduate and get my diploma in six weeks. I could do it faster if I applied myself and completed all the assignments sooner.

Elizabeth and Renee got up right before sundown, and we went hunting again. They didn't really need to, but I wanted to make sure my thirst was under control. I was taking every precaution I could so I'd be ready for tonight, and they went along so we could spend time together.

I spent a long time getting ready to go. This was a huge step for me. I know it might not sound like much to a human, going to their first day at a new job, but I agonized over what to wear despite my limited choices. I worried about showing up too early, and then wondered if I should really even go at all. This was hugely dangerous for all of us. It was dangerous to the humans for the obvious reasons, I could lose it and snap and kill somebody. It was dangerous for us because I could expose what we were, and then we'd have to leave in the middle of the night and make a run for it to escape.

In the end, I hugged Elizabeth and told her goodbye, and hugged Renee while she encouraged me to do my best. Then I walked out of the house to run to work. I had considered taking the truck to make me look more human, but in the end, I had decided it would be better if I left it with Elizabeth and Renee. Worst case scenario, they could load some of our stuff into it if I called them and told them to make a run for it. They could both run like me for short bursts, but neither of them had my limitless stamina, and they'd need the truck if they had to get away.

I ran to the edge of town close to the hotel, and then walked out of forest onto the shoulder of the road, so it would look like I had walked into town. The gravel roadside shoulder turned into a sidewalk close to the edge of the parking lot. I stopped to put in my contact lenses, and then I crossed the lot to walk up to the front door and go inside. I knew I had to use the contacts for this first day, but I was really hoping I could limit their use. I didn't want to have to use up four pair a day or I'd be paying more for contact lenses than I made working. Hopefully I wouldn't need to use many at all and I'd be able save what I'd already bought for emergencies.

I walked into the lobby, and there was an older Hispanic lady in her mid-forties talking to Anna behind the counter. I walked across the room to them so we could get started.

"Hey, Anna, I guess I'm ready to start…" I said a little self-consciously.

"Hi, Bella, Go ahead and come back here to the office. I have some forms and paperwork you need to fill out, and then I'll turn you over to Elisha here to get started."

I walked around the counter, and then Anna introduced me to Elisha.

"Bella Swan, this is Elisha Espinoza, she's in charge of our cleaning staff, and she'll be your supervisor. She works on the day shift, but she'll train you tonight, and she'll be checking up on your work. Normally she goes home about now, but she'll give you your assignments each night before she leaves."

I nodded, and Elisha held out her hand to shake mine while she looked me up and down with an appraising eye. She didn't seem too impressed, and didn't seem at all afraid of me. I reached out and shook her hand, and she didn't flinch at the cold, but then I'd just walked in from outside, and it was cold out.

I followed Anna into the office, but Elisha didn't follow us in. Anna indicated that I should sit down in front of the desk, and she started handing me forms to fill out. It was all of the typical paperwork you had to fill out to start a new job. There was a W-4 for income tax withholding, and emergency contact information. I had to read and sign a corporate ethics policy. Basically it said I wouldn't go through the things in the guest's rooms, and I wouldn't steal anything. I wasn't planning to, so I was ok with it. Finally I was done, and Anna led me back out to turn me over to Elisha.

She led me around the back of the office into a long hallway that ran the length of the building. There was an elevator directly across from the archway we'd walked through out of the lobby, and a stairway next to it that led to the second story. She led me toward the end of the building where the swimming pool was.

"Ok, Missy, lets get started. You don't use the front door. That's for paying guests. You come in the side door down here," and she pointed out the glass door at the end of the building. "This is our employee locker room back here, and you'll come here to get your assignments for the night."

I didn't answer but nodded to show I understood. I guess she didn't like that.

"Ok, I get it, you're nervous about starting out. You will answer me, 'yes ma'am' if you understand what I'm telling you. Ok?"

"Yes ma'am."

She nodded as we walked into the room. There were half a dozen lockers along one wall. There was a time clock with a rack of time cards next to it, and a bulletin board with what looked like some schedules and lists. There was a table in the middle of the room with some chairs around it, and a TV on a stand next to a door. The door was open and the next room was a large laundry room and supply storage.

"Here, you can use this locker here," and she indicated a locker with my name written on a piece of tape stuck to the front of it. "Go ahead and put your purse in there, and hang up your coat." Then she rummaged around by the time clock while I did what she said.

"Yes ma'am." I said as I did what she told me.

"You can bring a lock if you want one, but you'll pretty much be here by yourself most of the time. This is where you punch in at the start of your shift, and punch out when you leave." She showed me my time card. My start time for today was hand written in for nine o'clock.

"You start at nine, and you're off at five AM, unless Anna says otherwise. Don't be late. In fact, I leave at nine, so you better be here early so I can tell you what to do. If I'm sick, or you're late, the schedule and assignments are on the board. I don't have you on the list yet, so I'll tell you what to do tonight."

I nodded and then remembered to answer as she glared at me. "Yes ma'am."

She nodded and then she handed me a plastic key card with a magnetic stripe on the back. "That'll open the door on the side of the building so you can get in. Don't lose it, or we'll deduct five bucks from your paycheck to replace it. C'mon, let's get the rest of your stuff." She walked back into the supply room where the washers and dryers were.

She looked me over again, and then took a white uniform shirt off of a rack where there were a row of shirts on hangers and handed it to me. "You can wear this over your t-shirt, or change into it. Whichever suits you. Get a clean one each night and leave the dirty one in the laundry before you leave."

She waited for my reply, and I answered her. "Yes ma'am." I said as I went ahead and put the shirt on over my t-shit while she continued.

"Jeans are ok tonight because you didn't know any better, but we have a dress code. We supply the uniform shirt; you're expected to show up in black or dark blue slacks or pants. No holes, no jeans, no shorts. Wear comfortable shoes. Your sneakers are ok as long as they're in good repair and look neat. No sandals, no flip flops, no open toed shoes."

She waited for me to answer her, and I told her "Yes ma'am," again. Then she handed me a nametag with my name on it from a plastic tape label maker. I pinned it on to my shirt where she had hers over the left breast.

She reached for another red plastic key card hanging on a hook on the wall next to the uniform shirts. It was on a lanyard so you could wear it around your neck. "Ok, this is the master key card for all of the rooms. You can open all of the doors with it so you can get into the rooms to clean. You don't lose it. It stays around your neck unless you're opening a door, then its back around your neck, understand? You lose it, you lose your job. No second chances. It goes back on the hook at the end of your shift. If it isn't on your neck or in a door, it goes on this hook. Understand?"

She was waiting for my reply, and I answered her. "Yes ma'am."

"Ok, when you get here at the start of your shift, get a load of laundry going first thing. I already did that before you got here. We'll go over how you do that when these loads are done. You'll want to keep the washers and dryers going if there are a lot of linens and towels to wash. It isn't too bad now, but they'll be running night and day when the summer season gets into full swing."

I nodded and said, "Yes ma'am."

"Ok, let's go over your cart." She indicated a four wheeled cart loaded with cleaning supplies, fresh linens and clean towels and wash cloths. There was a laundry sack and a garbage bag hanging on the front and a vacuum cleaner and assorted cleaning supplies.

"There's a check list on the wall here for everything that should be on the cart. It should be ready to go when you get here. You responsible for re-stocking it and having it ready for the next shift before you leave. All of the supplies are in the cabinets here. If anything breaks or doesn't work right, fill out one of these forms, and we'll get it fixed. If there's anything wrong in one of the rooms, write it up so it gets fixed." There was a basket of maintenance request forms, and a basket next to it to put the requests into.

I nodded and said, "Yes ma'am."

"Ok, check the cart, and if we're good to go, push it out into the hall."

I figured this was a test, so I studied the list, and then quickly went over the supplies on the cart.

"The dust pan and the spray bottle of glass cleaner are missing."

She nodded, and didn't look quite so critical now, but I could tell she wasn't cutting me any slack. "Huh, ok. Get'em out of the cabinet, and let's go."

I nodded and said, "Yes ma'am," and got a dust pan and bottle of glass cleaner out of the supply closet. I loaded them onto the cart, and easily pushed it out into the hall. She nodded down the hall the way we'd come, and I walked beside her as I pushed the cart.

"Go to the elevator, we're going to start on the second floor. I don't know what you're used to, but you're here to work. Girls like you come in here, and think this is easy money, but they don't last too long. You're gonna get your hands dirty, and I don't care about your manicure or how much you paid to get your nails done. You do windows, and I won't stand by for slackers. I expect every room you clean to be perfect and meet my standards, got it?"

"Girls like me?" as I pushed the cart into the elevator.

"Have you ever worked a day in your life, Missy? You walk in here with your perfect hair and your expensive jeans. The pretty ones always think they're too good for this kind of work… They expect to make up some beds and do a little light dusting, and call it good. What, you need money for concert tickets or to go party on the weekend with your friends? I put two kids through college, and I'm still paying for my youngest. This is real work. It's my way or the highway, and my standards are high. If you can't cut it, you're out."

I nodded again said, "Yes ma'am. I'm here to work. I'm all my little girl and my mom have. I need this job."

"How old's your baby?" She asked. Then she glanced down at my ring.

"Four months…"

"What about your man?" She asked, nodding at the ring as I pushed the cart out of the elevator and started down the hall the way she nodded.

"He's in the service... He's not around..."

"Hunh, ok. Well you got a reason to work hard. Let's see if you step and do the right thing."

We got to the first room at the top of the stairs, and Elisha told me to use the master key card to open the door. The cart stayed in the hallway, and she showed me what I needed to do. There had been a guest in this room, but they had checked out today, so it got the full treatment.

There was another checklist on the cart, and it listed everything that I was supposed to do to clean the room. The service included changing the bed linens, vacuuming the carpet and sweeping the hard floor surfaces, mopping, dusting, wiping down glass surfaces like mirrors and windows, scrubbing showers, sinks and toilets, and ensuring that the rooms were stocked and up to industry standards.

I had to make sure the individual coffeemaker was clean and stocked with coffee making supplies, but that was easy because everything was prepackaged in a plastic bag, I had to make sure there were fresh towels and washcloths, make sure the soaps, shampoo and toiletries were fresh, full and sealed and check all the drawers to make sure nothing was left behind by the previous guest.

Elisha silently watched me clean a couple of rooms, and grudgingly nodded approval. Then we went back down to the laundry room. She showed me what to do with the clean linens and towels that came out of the dryer; how I was expected to fold them and where to store them. Then she explained how to use the industrial washers and dryers to get another load going. She gave me a list of rooms to clean, basically the rest of the second floor, and then she left me to my tasks to go home.

I stayed busy the rest of the night. Once Elisha was gone, I didn't have to try and move slowly to pretend to be human. The dirt and disorder stood out clearly to my powerful eyesight, and I knew what needed to be cleaned from my much more sensitive sense of smell. I didn't need to worry about which rooms had guests in them, because I could hear their muted heart beats behind the heavy doors along the hallway. Having them safely sealed away in the privacy of their rooms made my job easier.

It had been difficult standing in the confined space of the elevator with Elisha, but I'd kept the cart between us, and the heavy chemical stink of the cleaning supplies had helped to mute her human scent. She'd been conscious of her personal space and hadn't gotten in my face or crowded me when she was training me tonight.

My control wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I hadn't screwed up or had an accident yet. So far I hadn't been exposed to actual blood from an open cut or an accident yet. This kind of job was going to help me work on my control and help me desensitize myself to the human scent faster than finding random opportunities to meet and interact with humans. Hopefully I'd be prepared for the scent of blood when it happened. I knew I'd be exposed to it eventually. It was just a matter of time.

There were humans around me all night long, but they were mostly sleeping and behind closed doors. In the mean time, I was constantly bombarded by their human scent and the sound of their beating hearts. The rooms I cleaned were awash in the scent, and the linens and towels I laundered literally reeked of human. It intensified the burn, but it was something I was going to have to come to terms with and learn to deal with.

I checked in with Anna at the end of my shift, and she was getting ready to leave too. The morning shift was coming in so I quickly rushed through some cursory introductions, and then punched out to leave before the atmosphere became too oppressive and I had to make a run for it. I had completed all of my tasks, the cart was restocked, the keycard was hanging up, and all of the laundry was folded and put away. Maybe I came off as anti-social, or just tired and ready to leave but I just said hello and then grabbed my things and left.

I walked along the sidewalk and then the shoulder of the road in the early pre-dawn light until I was sure nobody was watching, and then melted into the forest and ran home. Elizabeth and Renee were still asleep, and I didn't expect them to be up for hours. They were working on adjusting their schedule, but it would take time. I took a shower to try and wash away some of the human stench that clung to me, and then I sat down to work on my online classes. It helped pass the time until Elizabeth got up.

I took Elizabeth outside to play when she got up. The sun was still up in the late afternoon and we went running in the forest. We had fun together just running and playing and spending time together. Finally we went back to the cabin to spend time with Renee. She'd taken the opportunity to call Phil while she had some privacy, and now she was depressed. We tried to cheer her up, and she smiled and tried to be cheerful for Elizabeth, but I knew it was an act.

We settled in for the evening and played some board games. I learned chess at the Cullens' but I hadn't truly appreciated the complexity of the game until after my change. I'd taught both Renee and Elizabeth how to play and we'd often take turns challenging each other. It was as fun for us observing as it was to play. We also enjoyed Risk and Monopoly. Monopoly had been useful for explaining the concept of money to Elizabeth, and now she was usually banker when we played.

If somebody had told me a year ago that my four month old baby girl was going to be able to run and laugh and read and play board games with me, beat me at chess and be the banker when we played monopoly together, I would have laughed in their face. I would have told them they were insane, and seriously wondered what drugs they were taking. But that was my reality now, and despite the issues we faced and the dangers involved, I was happy.

There were times when I missed Edward and what we'd shared together, but he'd made his decisions and left. I had responsibilities now, and I had my own family to take care of now. The three of us were happy together. Or at least Elizabeth and I were happy. Renee put on a brave front for us, but I knew she still missed Phil dearly. It was heartbreaking to hear her lie to him on the phone, and then she'd be so quiet after they hung up. It was the one dark cloud hanging over our perfect little world.

**Author's Note:**

If you liked this, please review and let me know what you think.


	8. Chapter 8 Interlude – A Man Alone

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **PPOV (Phil) gets his chapter. Bella will be back next chapter. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

Some of you voiced concerns about where this might go, but give it a chance and wait and see how thing turn out.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 8 Interlude – A Man Alone

PPOV (Phil)

November 2001

Renee had been gone for almost a month now, and I missed her like crazy. The baseball season and playoffs were over, and this was supposed to be our alone time together to reconnect. I had to travel so much with the team during the season. Even with Bella moving out to Washington to live with her dad, it had been tough for Renee to come with me as much as she would have liked.

We'd bought the house in Jacksonville after I finally got signed, but the only way we could afford the mortgage payment was if both of us worked. My job was traveling with the team and playing ball, but Renee was a teacher. She been on an extended sabbatical while she traveled with me, but she'd landed a gig with a local school district over the summer to help pay for the house. Now she was tied down to a regular day job again. She came to visit on the weekends when we were close enough to home, but we were apart so much of the time it hurt. I loved her like crazy and I wanted to be with her.

I had been shocked as hell when Bella called up out of the blue and told Renee she was sick and stuck in South Dakota of all places. We'd been surprised when she took off out of Washington, but we knew something was bound to happen after that messy breakup she'd had with her boyfriend. Charlie had told us how the jerk had left her in the woods, and she'd gotten lost trying to chase after him. His whole family had suddenly pulled up stakes and left town in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye. There had to be more to that story.

It had been an even bigger shock when Renee had called home and told me Bella was knocked up. She was a good kid and it wasn't like her to go and get herself in trouble like some kind of trailer trash. Her boyfriend's family splitting like that out of the blue suddenly made sense, but that lowlife scum had another thing coming when I caught up with him. He better pray we never crossed paths after the way he'd treated Bella. She was special, and didn't deserve that.

Renee had said she'd gotten a funny feeling about Bella's boyfriend last march when she'd ended up in the hospital down in Phoenix. It wasn't like we thought he'd hurt her or caused her accident, but Renee knew she was being lied to, and we never did get the real story about what had happened. Why the hell would Bella run home to Phoenix when she knew we were in Jacksonville? Besides, Charlie had said she left town in her pickup, but it was still in Forks when she was in the hospital in Phoenix. We knew she didn't fly there, so how the hell did she get to Phoenix?

There were always unanswered questions when it came to this Edward Cullen jerk. I knew his family had money, and it made sense that they wouldn't want to get hit for a paternity suit or get stuck paying child support for the next eighteen years. It really sucked what they'd done, abandoning her like that. From what I'd heard, all of those kids were adopted, but what kind of message did it send to them when the family ducked out in the middle of the night so this Edward jerk didn't have to own up and take responsibility for what he'd done? Didn't he even give a shit that he was abandoning his kid, and leaving Bella to raise it alone?

At least this was almost over for us. Renée would be home soon, but she said Bella refused to come to Florida with her. I didn't mind having her come live with us. She was a good kid, and she hadn't complained too much when I married her mom. I knew she thought I was too young for Renee, but she'd said her piece, and that was the end of it. She'd bent over backwards to make sure Renee and I were happy, and I'd do everything I could to help her.

Renee had taken an emergency leave of absence to go help Bella. I was honestly surprised that the superintendent and the principal at her school had given her a month of family leave to go take care of her daughter. They didn't have to do it. She hadn't been at her job long enough to qualify for protection under the Family & Medical Leave Act. Maybe she should have asked for more money when she negotiated her contract if they liked her that much.

Her leave was over this weekend, and she was supposed to be back at work on Monday. I was getting worried because she hadn't called me with her travel arrangements yet. I hadn't talked to her since last Thursday night when she'd told me that it was snowing out there. She'd said it had been snowing for three days, and was the first real blizzard of the season. She knew how to drive a tractor and was going to try and clear the driveway so she could get out when she'd called last. I'd been trying to call her for three days now, and her phone just kept going to voicemail. I didn't know when I was supposed to pick her up at the airport on Sunday and she wasn't answering my calls.

Sunday came and went, and I never heard from her. I was really worried but there wasn't anything I could do yet. I knew she'd flown out to Rapid City, South Dakota to meet Bella, but that was it. She'd gone to find her at some motel, but they weren't there anymore. She'd told me that Bella had rented a house, but I didn't have the address. I didn't even know if it was in the same city or where they'd gone. I'd pressed Renee for details, but she wouldn't tell me where they were.

I called every hospital in Rapid City and then every hospital in a hundred mile radius of Rapid City, and nobody had a patient named Bella Swan or Renee Dwyer admitted. I knew Renee had said Bella was due anytime the last time I'd talked to her. She'd had to rush out there because Bella was sick and had some serious complication or something with the pregnancy.

They wouldn't try and deliver the baby at home, or use a midwife, would they? That was insane if they knew there were complications or Bella was sick. Renee had taken classes in first aid, and had her Red Cross life saving card. She knew how to do CPR, and she'd told me all the stories about growing up on a farm and helping her dad with the live stock, but Bella wasn't some cow or sheep out in the barn. She was her daughter, and if she was having a baby, she should be in a hospital with doctors and nurses and life support equipment.

By Monday afternoon I was ready to book a flight out there and try and find them even if I had no clue where to start looking. I had called Renee's school and told them she was snowed in so they could call a substitute teacher to cover her class. That would buy her some time, but I still hadn't heard from her, let alone her job hearing from her.

I was checking flights on the internet when the phone rang. I knocked over my chair as I sprang up so fast and nearly leapt across the room as I lunged for my cell phone lying on the table. I had it on the second ring.

"Hello?" I asked breathlessly as I held the phone to my ear.

"_Hey, Phil… It's me…_" I recognized Renee's voice. I was so glad to hear it, but she sounded so strange… Her voice had a musical quality I hadn't heard before, but it was probably just the connection…

"Renee? Is that you, babe? Where are you? What happened? Are you at the airport?"

"_Yeah, it's me, Phil… I'm not coming home yet… I'm still with Bella and the baby. They're still sick… They still need me out here._"

"You're not coming home? I need you too, babe… What about your job, and the mortgage? What are we gonna do if the school cuts you loose? We've got some savings, but how long are you going to be out there?"

"_I don't know… We're just taking it one day at a time for now… I'll call the school._"

"Ok, so how is Bella? She had the baby? Are you my sexy Grandma yet?"

"_Yeah… Bella's doing better. She had a baby girl. She named her Elizabeth Renesmee._"

"Elizabeth is cool. Where the hell did she come up with Raa…? What? Say it again, babe, will ya."

"_Renesmee._" Ra-nez-may she repeated slowly to pronounce each syllable. "_She made it up out of my name and Edward's adopted mother's name, Esme. Elizabeth was Edward's biological mother's name._"

"Huh, well, at least she had the sense to make that her middle name. It'd be mean to hang a name like that on a kid and then send'em to school. Name like that'd start fights where I grew up. So she's still stuck on that lowlife jerk?"

I'd grown up in a pretty rough neighborhood and baseball had been my ticket out. I knew how mean kids could get with the teasing and name calling. You had to be in with the right crowd or tough enough to stand up to them. I had both of those in my favor. I was good enough at playing ball to be accepted by the jocks, and tough enough not to take any crap off of anyone else.

"_No, she's over him, but she still has feelings for him. It's tough to go through something like this and try to just turn it off 'cause he's gone. He left her. She was totally into him and thought they had something together until he just broke it off out of the blue. She might be dealing with it, but it's kind of hard when she has a constant reminder of what they had together. She has Elizabeth to care for, and she loves her despite what her father did. She's her baby. She'll always love her, but it doesn't make getting over the father any easier._"

"That's gotta be rough. How's Bella holding up?"

"_She's so strong, Phil. She makes me so proud. She's trying so hard to deal with all of this. She's so much stronger than me._"

"So, what happened…? I called all the hospitals out there when I didn't hear from you. Nobody had a record of Bella being admitted to the hospital…"

"_We got snowed in and we couldn't get out to take her to a hospital… We delivered the baby at home…_"

"Jesus! You delivered the baby? Are you alright? Has she seen a doctor?"

"_We're ok… Everyone is safe…_"

"I thought you said they were sick? If you can't come home yet tell me where you are, and I'll come out there. The season is over now. Let me come help you, babe."

"_No, you don't need to come out… Don't you have that off season job lined up? You need to stick to the plan… I'll figure this out, ok?_"

"Fine, we'll do this your way for now, babe, but I'm not gonna wait forever. I'll do the off season job… The gig is all set. I was supposed to start today, but I called in…"

"_Hey, don't go and screw it up. It's bad enough with me out here not working, and Mickey's counting on you._"

Mickey was my buddy that had hooked me up with the Suns. He used to play ball for them, and now he ran an upscale health club. I was going to work for him as a personal trainer during the off season. It helped me stay in shape until spring training, and I brought in a lot of business because the rich broads that hung out in his club would pay a lot to have me tell them how to exercise. I had no interest in them since I'd met Renee, but the pay was decent and it kept me active and in prime form.

"Yeah, don't worry; he's cutting me some slack. I bring in a lot of business. I'll start tomorrow, but I want to know when you're gonna be home… I miss you, Renee. I need you. I love you, babe."

"_I love you too, Phil… I love you so much… I miss you so much… I've gotta go, ok? Bella needs me…_"

It sounded like she was going to cry, so I didn't push her. If she needed time with Bella and the baby, I was cool with that.

"Ok… Go play Grandma, but I want you home…

"_Bye, Phil…_" The phone cut off and she was gone.

So that's how it went for that first month after Bella's baby was born. I went through the motions and lived my life, and Renee lived hers without me. I went to the club and did my job, and she kept stringing me along with excuses, but I knew she was lying.

I didn't call her on it though. She kept calling, and we talked everyday. I could feel how hard it was for her to lie to me and stay away. She had to have a good reason why she wouldn't tell me the truth. She didn't come out and just say it, but after talking to her for a month I knew there was something dangerous going on with Bella and Renee. She was trying to protect me from it by staying away.

I knew she'd lost her job. She didn't tell me at first, but her boss finally called me and asked me if I wanted to come pick up her personal effects from the school. They had everything loaded into a box when I got there, and they were as bewildered as I was about what had happened. Renee had loved her job, and had developed bonds with all of her kids. It was hard on them with all the substitutes, but they'd hired somebody to finish out the school year. I apologized and just said she was still in South Dakota with her daughter.

The pressure of trying to make this work with just my income wasn't too bad yet. I still struggled to make the mortgage payment, but it wasn't as hard as it would have been if Renee was here with me and one of us had lost our job. Our expenses were less while she was away with Bella. I didn't have to buy groceries for two, or pay for her gas or the little incidental expenses that added up. That just meant we could go longer before we lost the house, not that I could do this alone. I still paid her cell phone bill and credit card payments and the loan payment for her car that sat in the garage while she was away. She didn't use the credit card anymore, but I had to pay her cell phone bill, or I'd lose what little contact with her that I had left.

I knew I had to say something. This couldn't go on forever. I brought it up the next time she called.

"Renee… The school called. I went down and picked up your things… They had everything loaded into a box for me."

"_Ok…_"

"Ok? Is that all you're going to say? You've been gone for three months, Renee, and you won't even tell me where you are! We keep talking on the phone, but you don't talk to me! Why can't I come out there? Why can't you come home? You keep saying the baby's sick, or Bella is sick, but it's been three months!"

"_I'm sorry, Phil… I love you… I don't want to lose you… You have to believe me…_"

"I do believe you, Renee. That's why I'm still doing this. I love you, but I don't understand why you won't let me come out there…"

"_It's not safe… I need to know you're safe, baby. I couldn't live if I knew anything happened to you…_"

"Why isn't it safe? What the hell is going on, Renee!"

"_I can't tell you on the phone, Phil…_"

"Well, then how the hell are you going to tell me? You won't come home. You won't even tell me where you are or let me come out there! Were you planning on writing me a Dear John letter?"

"_I don't want to lose you, Phil… I still love you, baby… This is so hard… I don't know what to do…_"

"Just let me come get you, Renee."

"_I can't do that, baby… At least this way I know you're safe._"

"We're gonna lose the house, Renee. I'm dipping into the savings each time I make the payment. It won't last forever, and then we'll have nothing left. We talked about this back when we decided to buy it… I can't do this alone. We're supposed to be a team, babe. We were in this together. I can't pay all the bills without you…"

"_Sell my car. You can cut out the car payment, and it'll give you some time…_"

"Sell your car…? You aren't coming back, are you? Should I even bother trying to hold onto the house?"

"_You're gonna have to make that decision, baby…_"

"We made the decision to buy it together, Renee! You're my wife! We're partners, babe. We're supposed to make these decisions together. You're cutting out of your life, Renee… I want you to come home so bad, babe…"

"_I'm so sorry, Phil… I've gotta go, babe…_" the call clicked off and the line went dead.

I decided that night that I had to take matters into my own hands. Renee wouldn't tell me where she was so I was going to have to figure it out for myself. I wasn't going to let this go on any longer than I had too. I had no idea how to start searching for her, but I was going to find her. I knew she wasn't going to come home now. If we were over, she was going to have to tell me to my face. If there was something dangerous keeping us apart, then we'd face it together.

I thought about trying to hire a private detective, but I rejected the idea. I didn't have the money for that. I might as well just sign the house over to him before I lost it if I was going to try and hire someone to find her. She was in fucking South Dakota someplace, and it would cost a fortune in travel expenses to send somebody out there to find her.

The first thing I did was to get out all of the cell phone and credit card statements from since she left. I was hoping the cell phone bills would be more helpful, but they gave me nothing useful. The credit card statements were more helpful, but they didn't exactly narrow down the search.

She'd charged the plane tickets to fly out there, and there were a couple of charges for cab fare. She'd gone shopping at Walmart the day after she got there. Then the charges were more sporadic and spread out. I pulled up a map on the computer and started marking the addresses for the credit card purchases. They were spread out over South Dakota, Nebraska, Wyoming and Montana, but they were all within a days drive of Rapid City. The charges had stopped around the end of October, and the card hadn't been used since then.

To be honest, I was kind of lost when it came to the whole investigation and searching for someone thing. It wasn't what I was trained to do, and I didn't really even know how to start. There was one person that might know where to start, and he had an interest in this too.

I knew Charlie Swan was a pretty decent guy. Renee had been married to him after all, but they'd been divorced for more than fifteen years. She hadn't gone into a lot of details, but I got the impression that she had left him. I'd talked to him once or twice the last time Bella had gone out for her yearly visit in California, and then again when we had made the arrangements for her to go live with him out there in Washington.

I'd wanted him to know that it had been her idea to move, and that I wasn't throwing her out. Bella was a great kid, and I accepted that she was part of the package with Renee. I had been just as shocked as Renee was when she announced she was moving to Forks to live with Charlie. I'd talked to Bella and I knew what she was doing and why. Like I said, she was a great kid.

I waited until the weekend because there was a three hour time difference, but I got out Renee's address book, and called Charlie Swan, Renee's ex-husband and Bella's father. I knew he had to have at least some Idea what was going on. I was hoping if we compared notes, he might be able to narrow down the search. Hell, maybe he even had their address. I called him on what would be late afternoon for him but was early evening for me with the three hour time difference.

"_Chief Swan._" Charlie said when he answered the phone on the second ring.

"Hi Chief Swan, This is Phil Dwyer."

"_Oh… Hi Phil… I told you before, call me Charlie unless it's official business. Is this official business?_"

"I hope not… I wanted to call and talk to you about Bella and Renee."

"_Ok. How is Bella doing? Is she ok? I know she's with her mother now. That put's my mind a little at ease, but I wish she'd let me do more for her._"

"Charlie, Bella isn't here. She never made it to Florida…"

"_What! Where the hell is she then?_"

"She didn't tell you? Her truck broke down in Rapid City, South Dakota. That was over three months ago. Renee flew out there to help her…"

"_Let me talk to Renee! I need to know what the hell is going on!_"

"Renee isn't here either, Charlie. She never came home after she went out there to help Bella. She's been gone for over three months."

"_Well, I suppose Bella needs her with the baby coming and all, but I don't understand why she didn't just go to Florida if she wanted to be with her mom. Why the hell would she stay in South Dakota of all places? She doesn't know a soul out there._"

"What do you mean about the baby coming? Didn't they call you? Bella had the baby two months ago, Charlie. That's why I don't understand why Renee hasn't come home yet…"

"_What…? That's impossible! She couldn't have been that far along before she left. She wasn't even showing yet… She wasn't even having any outward signs or symptoms until the day before she left…_"

"Umm… Well, it wouldn't be the first time the girl's father was the last one to know… Was she wearing baggy clothes, or maybe putting on a little weight? Are you sure you just didn't notice… What about that Edward kid? Was he around a lot?"

"_She always wore loose comfortable clothes, but that's just who she was. She didn't have an ounce of fat on her. You know how Bella was… She never ate enough and she was always kind of skinny, but she'd started to fill out a little… I thought it was just her growing up and becoming a woman… You know, putting on more curves… I don't know. I guess I didn't pay enough attention._"

"But she was pretty serious about that Edward, right?"

"_They were always together. After she came home from phoenix, it was like they were joined at the hip. You almost never saw them apart… I always thought Edward was kind of old fashioned… I thought he was safe. Bella was the one that took the initiative in their relationship. Edward seemed to hold back and was kind of reserved. I felt like telling him to grow a pair and step up if he wanted the girl, but I wasn't going to give him pointers on how to date my daughter._"

"It looks like he figured it out on his own. So she could have been pregnant, and you just didn't notice, right? He was with her all the time? We're they foolin' around?"

"_Look, Phil, I knew they were serious. I didn't try to pry and spy on them. I didn't want all the details. Bella was happy but she was a very responsible kid. I knew they were making out. They were teenagers and they were dating for months. Edward was the only guy she went out with the whole time she was here. I figured he was going to be a permanent part of her life, but I honestly didn't think it had gotten that far physically._"

"Well, obviously it did. The baby was born on November eleventh, Charlie. She had a little girl. She named her Elizabeth Renesmee."

"_I can't believe Bella wouldn't call me and tell me… Why would she keep that from me? I've talked to her half a dozen times on the phone since then and she never let on that she'd already had the baby. Hell, I didn't even know they weren't in Florida!_"

"Then I guess you can't tell me where they are then. Look, I didn't call you to chew you out for what happened to Bella after she went to live with you. I'm trying to find Renee."

"_What do you mean you're trying to find Renee? Isn't she still with Bella? I thought you said they were in South Dakota._"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're still there. Renee said Bella rented a house before the baby was born."

"_She must be spending that scholarship money, but I guess she isn't going to be going to school any time soon. I suppose it's a good thing she had some money to live on. You don't know where they are?_"

"No, Charlie. I don't have any idea where they are now. Renee won't tell me. I know Renee flew to Rapid City. I've checked her credit card statements, and she made small purchases all around that area, but they were spread over four different states. Most of it looks like baby stuff, clothes, diapers, things you buy when you're expecting. She went to a lot of butcher shops and slaughter houses too, but I have no clue why. She hasn't used her credit card since the end of October, but she said Bella signed a lease when she rented the house, so I have to assume they're still there."

"_Why won't she tell you where they are?_"

"I don't know Charlie! Renee and I talk all the time, but she won't tell me anything! I don't know where they are, and she won't come home! There's something funny going on. I get this feeling in my gut that she's trying to keep me safe. Like there's some kind of danger, but when I ask her, she says she can't talk about it on the phone. How the hell am I supposed to help if they won't let me go to them? She won't come home, but she says she can't talk about it on the phone! It's goddamn frustrating!"

"…_Bella said the same thing when she left. She told me not to try and find her. She said she'd let me know when it was safe. I asked her what the hell was going on, and she said, _'Maybe someday I'll be able to explain. I can't discuss it on the phone.'_ I'd assumed she was with you and Renee in Florida, so I didn't worry so much. I thought she was safe now._"

"Well, whatever Bella got involved in, she's sucked her mother into it too now. I've gotta try and find Renee, Charlie. She's what's important in my life. She's everything to me."

"_I know she loves you, Phil. She won't give up on you. It was my fault that she left me. I wouldn't go with her when she wanted to leave Forks. I should have if I'd wanted us to stay together._"

"I don't know if she has a choice, Charlie. This thing with Bella is serious. I don't think she's planning on coming back to Florida at all. I'm gonna lose the house. We knew we needed two incomes to afford it when we bought it, and she's been gone so long she lost her job. She told me to sell her car, and she said it was up to me if I wanted to sell the house too."

"_Jeez, I'm sorry, Phil… I've got some savings if you need some help…_"

"I don't care about the house, Charlie. I want Renee back. If she was here, it wouldn't be an issue. I need to find her. If she can't come back here, then I have to go to her, but I don't know how to even start looking."

"_Oh… Well, you know the general area where they're supposed to be, and you have her credit card statements, so you know who she talked to. If this was a normal investigation, I'd say get out there and canvas the area. Go talk to the businesses where she used her credit card. Take her picture, and ask them what they remember. Get some business cards if you don't have any. Leave your contact information, and tell them to call you if they remember anything, or if she turns up again._"

"_You're bound to turn up some clues, and then follow up on those. If she had anything delivered, they might have an address. Somebody might remember her saying where she was from or where she was staying. If you're serious about finding her, it's gonna take some leg work, but you need to go out there and start looking._"

"Ok. Thanks Charlie. I'll let you know when I have anything, ok? If you hear anything, call me, ok?"

"_Sure, Phil. I feel better knowing you're looking for them… I thought they were safe or I would have called you._"

"Don't tell them I'm looking if you talk to them, ok? I don't want them to run to try to keep me safe. I need to find them, Charlie."

"_Ok. Good luck, Phil._"

"Thanks Charlie." I hung up the phone.

God, he was even more in the dark than I was. He didn't even know that Bella had had the baby already. Why the hell would they keep that from him? Some of the complications Renee talked about made sense if the baby was premature, but why the hell hadn't they gone to a doctor? Everything they were doing was a terrible risk. Could this have something to do with Edward's family?

If she had the baby already, they had to have known what was going on before they left. They had money, but they were living out in the sticks in some tiny fly speck town. Were they hiding too? That made sense if they were hiding something too. Was it some kind of witness protection thing, or maybe they were involved in some kind of organized crime. Speculation and jumping to conclusions wasn't going to get me anywhere. I needed to do what Charlie said, and get out there and look for them.

I spent the rest of the weekend getting ready to go. I went to the library and made photocopies of the credit card statements so I could hole punch them and put them in a three ring binder. I didn't want people to see all of our personal information, so I marked it out on the copies with a black marking pen. I was going to leave the originals home so if anything happened, I'd have them later for reference. After that I sat down and studied a map on the computer to make plans.

I got out my keys, and unlocked the gun safe in the bedroom and got out the Smith and Wesson .45cal automatic I kept for home defense and cleaned it and loaded it. I'd lived in a lot of different places growing up. Some nice, some not so nice where you made your own rules and got as much justice as you could get for yourself. If I was going out on the road to search for Renee, I was going to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. I wasn't looking for trouble, but if it found me, I could give as good as I got.

I got started early on Monday morning. I called the club and told Mickey I was going to have to leave earlier than expected. I was supposed to work there until spring training started, but I had to go look for Renee. He wasn't there, and I felt bad about leaving a voice mail, but I'd call him again and explain.

I'd thought about flying out to South Dakota, but I ended up rejecting the idea in the end. I was going to need a car out there, and I didn't know how long I'd be gone. I had a lot of ground to cover, and it would cost me a fortune to rent a car once I got out there. I figured I could drive out there in less than a week, and then I'd have my own car. Besides, the car was paid for, and the gas would be cheaper than an airline ticket.

I drove to the bank and set up the mortgage payment to come out of what was left of our savings. It would buy me two or three months if I cut out the rest of our expenses. Besides, it would take another three months for the bank to foreclose on the house after the payments stopped. That gave me six months to find Renée if we were going to have a shot at coming back here. I'd have that long to cure the mortgage if I could come up with the cash to pay it up to date.

I drove Renee's car to a decent used car lot and sold it for less than it was worth. I could have got more if I tried to sell it myself, but it was enough to pay off the loan and put a couple of hundred dollars in my pocket.

I called the utilities and had everything shut off but the electricity. That way the dehumidifier, the sump pump and the refrigerator and freezer would stay on. I didn't need cable or internet or gas if I was going to be gone, and it would save money. The electric bill would be lower too if it was just on standby and I didn't run the air conditioning. The phone didn't matter, we always used our cell phones anyhow, and I had to keep that so I could talk to Renée. I was going to run up a ton of credit card debt, but I had to do this.

I loaded up some clothes and took my laptop computer and locked up the house. I had some business cards from the health club, but they just had the phone number for the club on them. I went to Staples and had some generic business cards printed up with my name, address and cell phone number. I'd found a recent picture of Renee and grabbed Bella's school picture and had some copies made while I waited for the business cards. It cost extra, but they ran them while I waited so I wouldn't have to burn another day before I hit the road.

I was anxious to get started, but I didn't try and drive straight through. I took three days to get to Sioux Fall, South Dakota and then I got a hotel room. I'd just slept in my car and ate out of convenience stores in the gas stations I passed on the freeway. By the time I hit Sioux Falls, I needed a shower and a bed.

Renee and I still talked on the phone at night, but I didn't tell her I was looking for her. I let her believe I was still home in Jacksonville. I was finally close enough to start my search now.

The next day I started visiting the places Renee had used her credit card.

I didn't really have a set base that I operated from, but I spent a lot of time in Rapid City. To say that the search went slow was the understatement of the century. I could visit maybe one of the credit card hits each day because they were so spread out. Sometimes I might end up spending a couple of days in the neighborhood of one of the locations to go around to the other local businesses and show them Renee and Bella's pictures to see if anyone remembered them. It depended on how big the town was and what kind of businesses were there.

Another month dragged by before I got my first clue. I went to follow up on some charges in Rapid City at Main Furniture & Pawn Shoppe. The people at the pawn shop remembered Renee and Bella shopping there. She had been in more than once, and had bought a lot of stuff from them. They remembered loading furniture into a pickup and tying it down. They didn't have an address on file, but they remembered them saying they rented a house out in the black hills outside Rapid City. That made sense if they were buying bedroom sets.

I suppose I should have gone to the pawn shop sooner. I was in and out of Rapid City all the time, and there were several purchases, but I'd found a strange pattern developing with the other credit purchases I was chasing down. Some of them were for baby things, clothes and toys and diapers, but the butcher shop and slaughterhouse purchases were disturbing.

Why the hell was Renee buying pork blood? Gallons and gallons of it apparently. All of the people I talked to had the same story. She kept telling them she was making some old family recipe that called for the blood as an ingredient.

Eating with Renee had never been boring. She had been a very experimental cook and was always trying out something new and different with varying degrees of success. That was one of the things I had missed when Bella moved out. She had been in charge of the kitchen until she left to go live with her father. I wouldn't put it past Renée to try a blood sausage recipe or even black pudding, but the quantities she was buying were unusual, and it looked like they had been making a conscious effort to spread the purchases around to prevent suspicion that they were buying so much blood.

I had finished covering all the credit card purchase receipts by the first week in March. Spring training was going to start next month. Either I was going to find them soon, or I was going to have to make a decision if I was going to go back to Florida and start training with the Suns for the upcoming season.

The only clue I had was from the people at the pawn shop saying that they had rented a house up in the Black Hills. I started canvassing the small towns at the edge of the plains without any luck before I started deeper into the hill country.

Another two weeks passed without any clues. It was like they had dropped off the face of the earth, or were seriously hiding. It was almost like they had broken off all contact with the human race altogether at the end of last October. It had been five months since Renee left, and four since she had used her credit card. The trail was stone cold. For all I knew, I could be standing in the city where they were holed up and not even know it. It was frustrating beyond belief to know I was so close, and yet so far away.

So far the search had proven fruitless, and now it was crunch time. I had enough time to get back to Florida if I was going to play ball this season. If I blew off spring training, the Suns could get out of my contract and cut me. If I showed up on schedule, the season was a lock, and I'd have a position unless I got injured. I knew at my age, it was a long shot for me to get sent up to the show, but playing major league ball had been my dream since I was in high school. Long shot or not, this was my last chance. I could take it, or keep looking for Renee.

I was sitting in my hotel room trying to decide what to do. It was decision time now. Tomorrow I had to start back if I was going to training camp. I was torn and trying to make up my mind when my phone rang. I was expecting the call to be Renee, but it wasn't when I looked at the caller ID. I accepted the call and held the phone to my ear.

"_Hey, bro, just checking in with you, man. So you all set up to head out to training camp? I got a feeling, Phil, this is your year._"

"Hey, Mick, yeah, I'm still trying to make up my mind. I'm still in South Dakota."

"_Still? So did you hook up with your ol' lady? You're not gonna blow off spring training for some trim, dude, are you? You can shag all the tail you like once you check in and pass your physical. You're clean, right? You don't shoot up none of them 'roids, I know you're 100% natural._"

"Yeah, I'm clean, but I'm still looking for Renée. I've been out here for two months and the trail is stone cold. I know they're out here somewhere. I've been showing their pictures around, and people have recognized them, but I'm not any closer than when I first started."

"_What the fuck, bro! Are you seriously going fucking door to door, man? This ain't the fucking 1950's, dude. Seriously, man, you need to get in step with modern technology. This is the twenty-first century, Phil. Hang on…_" the line got quiet like he'd set the phone down. I heard typing.

"_Ok, you're at the Comfort Inn & Suites at 915 Fairmont Blvd., in Rapid City, South Dakota._"

"What! How the fuck did you do that?"

"_You're talking on a cell phone, dude. Most of the new ones have a GPS chip built in. Every time you turn it on it broadcasts a signal to get its position from the GPS satellite network. If you have a computer, an internet connection, and the right software, you can track almost any cell phone number unless it's fucking ancient, and you can find those too. You can download the software for fifty bucks, or there a bunch of websites that will locate any cell phone number for you for a small fee. You can locate any cell phone you know the number to within twenty-five feet if it's turned on._"

"Jesus Christ, Mickey! I've been shaggin' ass through four states for two months, and all I had to do was type her fucking cell phone number into the fucking computer to find her? Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?"

"_Hell, dude, I didn't know you hadn't found her yet. Is it my fault that you're technologically challenged? I thought when you said you were gonna go find her that you were shacked up getting' busy for two months!_"

"Fine, now tell me exactly how this works. What do I have to do?"

"_You got a credit card and your laptop, right? You got internet access at the hotel?_"

"Yeah…"

"_Ok, I'll text you a website address. Go to the website and type in her phone number. As long as the phone's turned on it'll give you the location where the phone is. It'll plot it on a map, and should give you the nearest street address to the phones location. It'll cost you about ten bucks for a one shot, or you can subscribe to the service for a small monthly fee._"

"Ok…"

"_You know, you can set up tracking with your cell phone company too, but that won't help you now, bro. You have to download software to your phone to use it. If you called the phone company and told them the phone was stolen, they'd locate it for free, but they'd probably disable the service too._"

"No way, Mick. If they shut down the phone, they might get suspicious and make a run for it. Just text me the website."

"_Ok, bro. So what the fuck you think is going on, dude? She's been gone for what, five months? You don't think she's shackin' up with some other dude, do you?_"

"No… It's not that, whatever is going on it ain't some other dude cutting me out of the picture. I talk to her all the time and we still have something special, but there's some weird shit going down. I just need to talk to her so she can tell me to my face what's going on."

"_Fine, well call me and let me know what's up. I need to know if you're going to spring training or not. Stay cool, bro. You go an shoot her ass, an I never talked to you._"

"Thanks, Mick." The call ended. About ten seconds later I got a text. It was the website.

I typed the website into the browser on the laptop and the phone tracer website opened. I typed Renée's cell phone number into the box, and clicked search. About a second later a map popped up with a location marked on the map.

It was right outside Hill City on Campaign Hill Road.

It listed the city, state, county, latitude and longitude of the cell phone. For ten bucks more, it would give me the name of the owner of the phone and the street address where the phone was currently located. I was pretty sure I could find it with what I got for free, but I wanted to be sure, so I paid the ten bucks and got the street address where my phone was at. It was my name on the account but we had the family plan.

It was a little disturbing that this information was so easily available to the general public, but I didn't care about that right now. It was about nine o'clock. I could be out there in forty minutes. It might take me an hour to find the place, but I was going to confront Renee face to face tonight. I wasn't going to wait one minute longer.

I grabbed my stuff and hurried down to the front desk. One way or another, I wasn't coming back here.

I checked out and ran to the parking lot. I threw my stuff in the car and jumped in. I peeled out of the parking lot and headed toward the freeway. I got on Highway 16 and headed south across Rapid City. The road turned west and started to wind up into the hills south of the city. The highway passed through Hill City from North to south, and I turned off onto Reno Gulch Road at about nine-forty. I followed it until I found Battle Ax Road. Campaign Hill Road turned right a short way up the road.

The dark two-lane road twisted through the hills and there weren't any street lights. I had to slow down for the hairpin turns and pay attention to the road. I missed the drive way in the dark the first time, even with the high beams on. I knew I'd gone too far when there was another intersection and the road turned into Gray Road. I stopped and made a U-turn and slowly drove back down the road. I spotted the mailbox this time, and turned into the winding serpentine driveway. The house was invisible from the street. This was a good place to hole up if you wanted to get lost and hide from the world.

The house looked exactly as Renee had described it as I drove up to the cabin. It had a rustic look with finished log construction. The driveway led under one end of the structure, and half of the house was built over the garage. I could see the machine shed behind and off to one side, and the roof of the barn behind the house. The whole place was nestled in a clearing in the thick forest. The snow Renee had complained about was mostly gone as the season transitioned into early spring.

There were lights on but the curtains were closed. I parked the car and got out, and I saw the curtains pull back for an instant and somebody peak out. Then the curtain dropped and settled back into place. I walked up to the porch and knocked on the door.

Nobody answered, but I heard another door around back open and then slam shut. They were running? Why?

I jumped off the porch and ran to the corner of the building. Renee was standing at the edge of the forest. How the hell had she gotten there so fast? It was only seconds since the door had slammed. Sprinting flat out, I'd be hard pressed to cover half that distance and base running was my strong suit.

Renee looked so good. Younger than I remembered… Maybe it was the dark and the fact that I missed her so much. Then I really looked her face… Was she in pain? She looked like she was in anguish as she hesitated at the edge of the forest.

"Renee!" I called to her. "C'mon, babe, I'm here to talk this out… If you can't come home, I'm here for you…"

She looked at me, and then her hand flew to her nose and mouth like she was trying to block out some horrible stench.

"Phil, run away! Please, baby… I love you… Lizzy, baby girl, please come with me! Oh god, Phil, run!"

Renee gave an anguished cry. She turned and took a step towards the forest, and vanished into thin air. One second she was there screaming at me to run away, and the next she was just gone.

Why was Renee running away from me? Why was she calling to the baby to come with her? Was she in the house? How was she supposed to come out here by herself? She was only like four months old. And where was Bella?

I walked back to the door. I reached for the knob and it was open. I pushed the door open and looked in. the TV was on, and a chess set was setup on the coffee table. It looked like whoever had been playing had jumped up in the middle of the game scattering half the pieces.

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. I saw a movement at the end of the couch. There was a little girl peeking around the corner at me. She was small like maybe a three year old? But she seemed older, the way she held herself and the intelligent look in her eye were not at all childlike. Was Renée babysitting a neighbor's child? Why would she run away from me of all people, and leave this little girl here?

I smiled at her. "I'm not going to hurt you, honey. Do you know why Renée ran away? Do you live around here? I'm Phil Dwyer, Renee's husband." she seemed emboldened by my friendly demeanor and edged out from behind the end of the couch. She stood up and took a step towards me.

She had to be the most incredibly beautiful child I had ever seen, more than movie child star beautiful. If an angel had been sent to earth to be a subject for the great masters to use as a model for their paintings, they would have paled in comparison to this little girl.

She had high cheekbones, straight nose and full lips. Her hair was an unusual bronze color and her eyes were chocolate brown, just like Bella's. Her curly hair hung in ringlets that fell past her waist. She had red rosy cheeks, shell-pink lips, pale lavender eyelids, and pale skin with a slight blush to it.

"You're grandma's Phil." Her voice was high and musical like a child's, but she didn't speak like a child.

Her statement wasn't a question but I was confused. Grandma? Renee? But that was impossible… This little girl was much too old to be Bella's baby girl.

She reached up to me with her arms in a universal gesture that she wanted me to pick her up. I didn't hesitate and reached down to pick her up and hold her in my arms. Her temperature seemed to be unusually warm, like a light fever although she appeared to be perfectly healthy. I had to ask the question.

"Who are you, honey?"

She smiled at me and my heart melted. "I'm Elizabeth. You're grandpa Phil. I knew you were coming to find us, but I didn't say anything to momma or grandma. It would have upset them. You took a long time to get here."

"You're Elizabeth? But you're supposed to be a baby. How did you know I was coming? I never said anything." I knew I should be freaking out at this point, but I just seemed so calm and at peace as I held Elizabeth.

"You didn't have to. I listened to you talk to Grandma Renee. I knew you weren't in Florida anymore from the background sounds on the phone. Momma and Grandma only listen to the words, but there's so much more if you pay attention. Sometimes the news was on and it wasn't news from Florida. Little things, the sounds the insects made in the background, the buzz of the lights, the frequency of the air conditioning. I knew you were on the road staying at different hotels and you were getting closer. I can show you…"

"Show me?" She must have thought I was accepting her offer.

She reached up and laid her tiny hand on my cheek. Suddenly my mind was flooded with images, feelings, a myriad cacophony of sounds. It was sudden massive sensory overload and I staggered under the onslaught. Then as suddenly as it started, it stopped.

"I'm sorry, grandpa, maybe that was too much."

"It's ok…"

"We don't have much time. Momma will be here soon. I have to ask you something Phil." She seemed so much older than the four months old that I knew she was or three year old she appeared to be as she stared into my eyes with her deep timeless brown eyes.

"Ok…" I couldn't believe I was having this conversation with this tiny child, it was so surreal.

"Do you love grandma?"

That was easy to answer.

"Of course I do! That's why I'm here, honey. Renee wouldn't come home, so I had to find her."

"Do you want to be with her forever?"

Another easy question.

"I already made that decision, honey. I married her so we could be together forever."

"Would you sacrifice everything for her? Would you give up baseball and your friends and living in Florida so you could be together with her forever?"

That was a tough one. I'd been struggling with that one for days, but I knew the answer to that one too.

"Yes. I want Renee more than anything else in the world. She's more important than baseball. She's more important than a house in Florida. She's more important than a shot at the majors. She's my life and I can't live without her."

"Would you give up your life so you could be with her?"

"Yes, I would give anything for Renee, but I don't understand…"

"I love you grandpa…" she said in a tiny voice. "I'm sorry…"

She reached for me to hug me and I felt her little arms wrap around my neck. I thought she was going to kiss my cheek but she was nuzzling into the crook of my neck…

Sudden sharp pain… Did she bite me?

I tried to push her away, but she was impossibly strong.

I could feel tiny razor sharp teeth sinking into my flesh…

My neck was hot and wet…

There was a rush of liquid…

Was she lapping at my wound…?

I tried to throw her off but her tiny grip was like steel bands encircling my neck…

Heat flowed through my veins.

Hotter now as it spread into my chest…

It found my heart and erupted into fire. The indescribable agony pulsed through my body burying me in the flames that were chewing their way out from my heart now, spreading with impossible pain through my shoulders and stomach, scalding their way up my throat, licking at my face. Fire spread to my extremities as the flames rose and engulfed me.

My hearing got clearer and clearer as my senses expanded exponentially in those first few seconds. I could count the frantic, pounding beats of my heart to mark the time.

Hotter yet, as the fire intensified, burning me. I had to get away. I turned to the cabin door but it flew open before I could do more than turn to look at it. I could feel the cold air from outside flood into the room, and then Bella was standing there.

I knew it was Bella, but it wasn't quite her either. She was different, prettier, more defined with sharper features, all youthful roundness gone but feminine curves in all the right places. She was completely silent… I could hear my pounding heart, and Elizabeth's high fluttering heartbeat like humming bird wings that fluttered so fast they were a blur. Bella had no heartbeat, but she was there in front of me, plain as day.

Elizabeth finally let go and sprang away form my chest. She flipped in midair and landed in Bella's arms.

Mercifully cold air washed across me from the open doorway but the respite was too brief. It was swept away by the flames that consumed me. The fire wouldn't go out. I had never felt pain so intense, I marveled at my new sensitivity to appreciate, separately, each blistering tongue of flame that licked through my veins.

"Oh my god, Elizabeth! What did you do?" Bella asked Elizabeth. Her voice sounded so strange… It was Bella's voice but different, more musical like listening to a chorus of bells.

I was amazed that part of my awareness could separate itself to watch Bella interact with her daughter, despite the raging fire that was consuming me. The tiny girl reached up and placed her hand on Bella's cheek like she had done earlier when I held her.

Bella's eyes got a far away look like she was watching something else, then she nodded.

"Ok, I know, but you mustn't bite people, Elizabeth. You can't do that anymore, understand? It doesn't matter if you ask first. We don't live like that."

Elizabeth nodded her acquiescence to Bella's admonishment. She looked down, but she smiled and I knew she was unrepentant of the agony she had inflicted upon me. Why? Why had she done this?

The burning grew—rose and peaked and rose again until it surpassed anything I'd ever experienced. I was like a marionette with its strings cut. The floor rose up to slam into my face, but I never made it to the floor. Bella move impossibly fast to catch me, and then I was in her arms as she effortlessly supported my weight.

I was paralyzed by the pain. Any tiny movement magnified and intensified the burning, and I lay still in her arms, immobilized by the flames licking through my body and consuming me.

She carried me into a bedroom and laid me down on a bed.

"I'm so sorry, Phil." She said. "I was going to try and talk to you when the time was right so I could try and explain all of this. You should have had more warning about what to expect and what this means. The pain will last for three days, and then you'll be like Renee. You'll be able to be together again… this will end. I'll bring Renee to talk to you when it's safe for her to be here."

The fire blazed hotter and I wanted to scream. To beg for Bella to kill me now, before I lived one more second in this pain. I tried to scream but the fire that ripped through my lungs and throat was a hundred thousand times more intense as the whimper of an abortive shriek died on my lips.

Three days. It sounded like the sum total of eternity if it was going to be like this.

Elizabeth had asked if I was willing to sacrifice everything for Renee. I clung to that tiny thread of hope as the maelstrom of pain engulfed my body. In this never ending instant of eternal torment, all I wanted was to die. The whole of my existence did not outweigh this pain. Only one thing was worth living through it for one more heartbeat. The thing I had searched for these last months.

My hope… My Renee.

**Author's Note:**

The method that Phil uses to track Renee's cell phone in this story is real.

You really can track a cell phone as described in this chapter. If the phone was manufactured after 2005, you can easily track it to within 25 feet of its current location in the United States if you know the phone number and it's turned on.

The range limit is imposed by the military for national defense purposes. You can track a GPS chip to within 10 feet in the rest of the world.

You don't have to answer a call for the technology to work. All that's required is that the phone be turned on and you can track the phone. Every time you even turn the phone on, it sends a signal to the GPS network to get its location, and if you know the number, you can find the phone. You don't need a court order or special access. I tested it with my daughter's phone number when I was researching this for the story to see if it worked.

It's kind of scary that it's so easy to do, but it's real and it works.

Updated to add author's note.

If you liked this, please review and let me know what you think. Even if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear from you. I read all the reviews, even if I don't answer all of them. If you have questions, I try to answer then without giving away too much of the plot.


	9. Chapter 9 Accidents Happen

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **BPOV (Bella), Bella starts the story. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

This chapter and the following chapter were originally one very long chapter (about 48 pages), so I decided to split it up into two chapters.

**Warning:** This chapter includes descriptions of graphic violence, violent death, and descriptions of violent criminal acts by sexual predators. If you would prefer not to be exposed to this material, please do not read this chapter.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 9 Accidents Happen

Renée was happier after Phil joined us. I was upset with Elizabeth at first for taking that risk with Phil's life and biting him before we had a chance to explain anything to him, but in the end, I had to agree that she was right.

Well, maybe not right, but at least her logic was sound. Even if Phil had agreed to be changed, there was so much we just didn't know. The only truly safe route was to use one of the syringes of vampire venom, but then Phil would have been more like me than Renée. Besides, I just didn't really feel right about using the Cullen's venom without their permission. We didn't know what would happen if Renée bit him. Actually we did, but none of us talked about that. We knew that even if her venom could change him, she wouldn't be able to stop.

In the end, Elizabeth's venom was somewhat proven in its ability to change somebody. She had changed Renée after all, but we hadn't known if that was a one shot deal or if her venom would change as she matured. We all knew we wouldn't have let her do it if we'd been there to stop her. She had taken matters into her own hands and acted on her own.

Phil didn't resent what had happened once we had a chance to talk to him and explain what had happened. Elizabeth apologized for rushing things, but she didn't regret doing it. Phil wasn't mad at her after he woke up and we had the chance to finally explain everything to him. He didn't want to believe us at first, but it's kind of hard to ignore the evidence in front of your eye or burning in your throat. He was glad that he finally knew everything and could be with Renée again.

That had been a bit of a problem at first. Of course we took Phil hunting when he woke up, but then Phil and Renée had disappeared into their bedroom to 'get reacquainted'. All of us had enhanced hearing and there was no privacy at all in our house whether the doors were shut or not. If I was capable of blushing I would have been bright red. As it was, I gathered up Elizabeth and got her out of there while grandma and grandpa were busy.

Of course she had questions and I did my best to explain things to her. Renée had always been very open and honest about sex and relations between men and women with me. Phil wasn't the first boyfriend Renée had brought home over the years, and I knew she had enjoyed a healthy sex life as part of her relationships. It wasn't like she was into casual sex or anything, but she considered sex to be a part of a healthy relationship between a man and a woman.

Besides, she was married to Phil, and they hadn't seen each other for five months. They didn't come up for air for a day and a half, and then only because Phil was so new he needed to hunt. Thank god it was a weekend, and I had a couple of days off. Elizabeth and I spent a lot of time exploring the woods around the Cabin. We went to see Mount Rushmore and Crazy Horse, and I took her into the city to go shopping.

Naturally, or possibly un-naturally, I didn't sleep at all, and the others usually slept while I was at work. I took Renée aside and asked her if she could try and wait until Elizabeth was asleep before she jumped Phil. She was a little embarrassed that she hadn't even thought about it, and agreed. Renée took Elizabeth hunting, and I think they had a long talk. I had already had 'the talk' with her, but I was sure Renée would answer any questions Elizabeth still hadn't asked. She was better at this than me. She was more comfortable with talking about it, and she had more experience than I did. Renée was a more open outgoing person than I was.

My online education was progressing. I had completed my online high school classes and tests. I used my debit card to pay the tuition, and I got my high school diploma in the mail about two months earlier than I would have graduated from Forks High School. I had applied to an online college and was accepted to start working on my general education requirements for my degree program.

Online college was a lot more expensive than high school. I'd had to apply for federal financial aid, but I completed all the paperwork online, and had gotten enough to pay for most of the tuition fees. I still had a small monthly payment to make, and I was responsible for buying my books, but there were bargains at and I'd bought my books for my classes online.

I guess it kind of sucked that I couldn't go away to school and live in the dorms. There would be no campus life or study groups or sitting up late in the commons with coffee. No college romances or the freshman fifteen, but none of that would really work for me right now. I had Elizabeth to think of and she was my first concern. College was just something to fill in all the extra hours now so I didn't go crazy from boredom.

Of course I was being practical too. I'd always thought about being a teacher like Renée when I thought about possible career paths. I wasn't cut out for teaching kindergarten like mom, and grade school might have been pushing it too, but high school had seemed like a challenging teaching opportunity. If I was a teacher, I'd prefer to concentrate on one subject or group of subjects, and you didn't start doing that until high school or beyond. I seriously doubted I'd be able to stand in a classroom now, considering I looked pretty close to the age of the students, but all of these online schools all had real teachers. It was long term, but I could still be a teacher if I had the proper education and certifications to qualify for the job.

I wasn't going to be a hotel housekeeper forever. It was what paid the bills for now. I had a long term goal now and something to focus my education on. Someday when I was ready and qualified, I could teach online high school or college classes, and I'd never have to meet my students face to face.

Thankfully Phil was in one hundred percent agreement with our lifestyle choice and was more than willing to reject the traditional vampire diet. He worked hard to abstain from eating humans and learning how to be around them again. It was evident that everyone was different when it came to bloodlust. While Phil obviously had bloodlust and reacted to the scent of human blood, he wasn't as bad as Renée. It was nowhere as easy for him as it was for me, but he made rapid progress at desensitizing himself to the scent of human blood.

Elizabeth apparently had no bloodlust at all. Humans smelled tantalizingly delicious to her, but she had no overwhelming need or desire to feed on them. We simply explained to her that it was bad and not allowed, and that was the end of it. She saw how hard all the rest of us worked at resisting and trying to desensitize ourselves to the effects of the bloodlust, and realized it was something that was off limits. She hadn't attacked Phil because he was human and she couldn't stop herself. She had bit him for the sole purpose of changing him. Even with the taste of human blood on her lips and in her mouth she had no trouble stopping once the venom was injected into the wound.

I rented a mailbox at the local post office in Hill City, and Phil and Renée turned in Change of address cards so their mail from Florida would get forwarded to the PO Box in Hill City. We didn't want to use the address for the cabin, unless anybody else tried to find us. We knew we were going to have to cut our ties to our old lives, and we were more conscious of leaving a paper trail now.

We had a long discussion about what to do about the house in Florida. We all knew that none of us would be going there to live in it. It would be dangerous to even go there to clean out their belongings and personal effects, but Renée had pictures and mementos she didn't want to lose. They didn't want to let the house go to the bank, but we didn't want to keep it either.

Phil called a local real estate agent in Jacksonville and had them list the property for sale. He and Renée signed a power of attorney so the real estate company could manage the property. He made a deal with the agent to have them pack up their personal effects and store them at the house for the time being. If the house sold, then they'd ship them to us. Otherwise, they'd store them until we sent them an address.

It would be expensive to keep paying the mortgage until the house sold, but if they could move it in a couple of months, the proceeds would far outweigh the couple of month's mortgage payments. It was a gamble, but it was better than just walking away from the property. Besides, I had the money in the bank to do it, and if the house sold, I'd get it all back plus enough to set us up again when we moved.

Phil took both his and Renée's cell phones and destroyed them after memorizing all of the contact information stored in their contacts. He had me buy two new prepaid ones for him and Renée at Walmart, and urged me to replace mine if there was anybody I didn't want to find me. I hadn't given my cell phone number to anyone but Charlie and the messages I'd left for the Cullens. Of course I'd used it when I set up the lease and my accounts in town. It was on my job application at work and I'd used it to apply for financial aid, but I didn't worry about any of that now. I knew I'd replace it when we moved on. There wasn't anyone I was worried about finding me right now, unless Charlie showed up on my doorstep next, and I doubted that was going to happen since Phil had called and told him everything was ok.

It was June now and I had been working at the hotel for three months. My ninety day review had been excellent, and I'd gotten a fifty cent an hour raise. I had won over Elisha, and she trusted me to keep the night shift moving smoothly. I made it a practice to show up early to get my assignments so she could leave on time at the end of her shift. I just kept to myself and got my work done. I always finished all of my assignments during my shift and had things set up for the next shift when they got there.

We still didn't have much in the way of expenses, and the majority of my paychecks went into my savings for when we had to move. I had managed to save up almost two thousand dollars. It was a little depressing considering how much I worked, but I was heartened by the fact that if I was trying to support a human family on this income, it would be hardly enough, and there would be no savings at all.

Anna had congratulated me when I brought in my high school diploma to show her. She had updated my file, and I felt better now that I could say I was a high school graduate without lying. Business had picked up as we moved into the busy summer tourist season and the hotel was more crowded with more people moving around in the halls later at night. There were more rooms to clean and laundry to do. It was even more crowded on the weekends, but the kids were out of school now and there more families taking vacations.

I drove my truck to work a lot of the time now. Phil had his car at the cabin if they had to make a run for it, and it was easier to fit in if I drove to the hotel. It was faster to run, but people would think it was odd if I walked to work.

I showed up a little after eight forty-five, early enough to get my assignments, but close enough to my start time that I wouldn't have to socialize too much. I used my key card to open the door at the end of the building. The girls on the day shift were still finishing up and the locker room was empty. I put my things in my locker and got a uniform shirt off the rack. I pinned on my name tag when I'd finished buttoning it.

I was looking at the schedule when Debbie came rushing in with our cart and started dumping the dirty linens and towels and restocking the cleaning supplies.

"Hey, Bella, it was crazy today. Those kids from 105 had a water fight around the pool and I had to clean up after them. They all wanted extra towels too, and didn't even offer a tip! I didn't have time to finish the last two rooms on my list. do you think you could grab them for me?"

"Sure, Deb, I'll get them first."

"Thanks, Bella, you're a life saver! I'll make it up to you…"

Debbie was a good kid. They'd hired her as summer help after I started, and she struggled to keep up with the work load. I tried to keep busy, but I was usually done early and avoided Anna so she wouldn't catch on that I was already done with my assignments.

"Hola, Bella," Elisha greeted me when she walked in. She smiled at me, but turned her black look on Debbie. "Debbie, you rushed through those last five rooms on the second floor. I had to go back and straighten the bed covers, and you forgot the coffee packets again. Don't you read the check list?"

"Sorry, Ma'am, it won't happen again…"

"You keep saying that. Make sure it doesn't, or I will, understand?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Debbie stammered.

The hotel was too busy right now for them to fire her, but she didn't know that. She'd have to really screw up or start missing work before they'd let her go. It would be different when the season was over if she didn't shape up.

Then Elisha turned to me. "You all set, Bella?"

"Yes, Ma'am, Elisha," I said with a smile, careful not to let my teeth show.

"You're a good girl, Bella. See you tomorrow. Oh, Anna wants to see you before you start." Her expression darkened for a second, and she shook her head. "She has a client with a special request. You be careful, ok?"

I nodded, "I always am. I just do my job. No funny business. No special services. It's not in my contract."

She smiled at me. "Good girl. I'll see you tomorrow," and she left.

Debbie waited until she was gone, and then turned to me as she changed out of her uniform shirt.

"What was that about? What kind of special requests?"

"Sometimes we get guys passing through that are looking for a little action, and they're willing to pay for it. Some of the girls pick up a little extra money that way. I think Anna has before. I don't go for that. Usually they take no for answer, and go looking someplace else."

"Oh wow! Seriously? Like what do they want you to do?"

"You know, a blow job, or maybe sex. Some of them are kind of kinky. I never stuck around long enough to find out. I don't do that. Not for money." Not to mention the fact that I'd kill them if I tried to get that close to any of them.

"They really offer you money? At the hotel?"

"Yeah, Deb, that kind of stuff really happens. You want me to give him your number?"

"No! I'm just curious, that's all! I got to go…"

"Night, Deb." She nodded and hurried out the door.

I got the laundry going and checked the cart before I went up to see Anna. I added the missing supplies that Debbie had forgotten to replace, and then pushed the cart up front.

"Hi, Anna," I said when she finished checking in the couple at the counter. They took their room key and grabbed their bags and headed toward the elevator.

"Hey, Bella." She looked at the expression on my face, and then said, "Elisha already told you…"

"I don't do special services, Anna, you know that."

"I didn't say you did. Look, I don't know this guy. He's never stayed here before. He just called down, and asked if I could have somebody come turn down his bed and fluff the pillows at ten o'clock. Seriously, that's all I know. If he offers you a tip, then take it. If he wants anything else, tell him no and walk out of the room."

"Fine," I could tell she was telling the truth. "What room?"

"225"

"Ok. I'm gonna go get started. Ten o'clock in 225, right."

"Be careful, Bella. Yell if he tries anything funny."

"You know these rooms are practically sound proof, Anna. I could scream my head off, and you wouldn't know it until you found my body."

"Don't say that, Bella!"

"Don't worry, I'll be careful. Nothing's gonna happen."

I pushed the cart to the elevator and went to finish up the two rooms Debbie had left on the second floor, and then I started on my schedule. I had a system now and pretty much cleaned on automatic while I let my mind wander. I thought about my online classes and the papers I had to write this week. I reviewed the assignment from the text book. I had read the text books and memorized them, and planned out my answers to the questions.

I thought about Debbie and her shocked expression. She was just out of high school and about the same age as me, but she was so much more naive than me. I wondered if that's what I would have been like if I'd never met Edward and the Cullens. There was no use crying over spilt milk. The genie was out of the bottle, and there was no going back. I was aware of the harsh realities of life at the expense of my naiveté, but I preferred dealing with the real world with my eyes wide open.

I looked at the clock on the night stand as I finished up the room I was cleaning. It was nine fifty-five. I might as well go get this over with. I had a good head start on my list. Once I turned down the bed in 225 and turned down whatever this guy was offering, I could go start the next load of laundry.

I pushed the cart down the hall to 225, and knocked on the door.

"Maid service," I said when the door cracked open.

The door opened, and the room was brightly lit. That was strange. Usually when these guys came on to you, they turned the lights down low. Maybe they thought it was romantic, maybe it was to hide their beer gut and looks.

The guy standing in the doorway wasn't ugly for a human. He was tall and muscular with short black hair. He was wearing boot cut jeans, boots and a tight shirt that showed off his muscles. I couldn't imagine why he had to pay for it. He couldn't have a problem picking up girls, not that I was interested. It was hard enough being in the same room with him and not kill him let alone getting physical.

"Please come in," he said with a smile, and stepped out of the way so I could walk into the room. He closed the door behind me, and I heard the lock click shut.

This was one of the king suites with a California King Size bed and a whirlpool bath in the oversize bathroom. The bed was huge against the middle of the wall. I walked to the bed and folded the bed cover down, and then pulled back the blanket and sheet together to turn down the bed. I picked up the pillows and fluffed them, and then turned to the guest.

"Will that be all, Sir?" I asked.

He handed me a twenty dollar tip, and I stuffed it in my pocket. That was extravagant for this service in this hotel, but I wasn't going to argue with him. That was what some of these jerks offered for a blow job before I told them no. I was getting off easy and making out like a bandit. Then I noticed the video cameras set up in the corners of the room so they captured most of the room but focused on the bed.

"Maybe you'll have a drink with me?" he asked as he held out a glass to me.

I didn't move to take the glass. He was standing between me and the door, and I didn't want to try and push past him to get out. There was a bottle of whiskey on the table and another empty glass. The drink he offered was already poured before I walked in. I took a sniff without moving closer, and I could smell the harsh chemical stink of the drugs over the alcohol scent of the whiskey.

"You drink that one and pour me another," I said.

"Maybe later," he said with a chuckle as he set the glass down. "You're smart, and very pretty. Look, I'd like to offer you a proposition…"

"I don't offer any other special services. If we're done here I have work to do." I took a step toward the door, but he moved to block me.

He held up his hands and I backed off a step. "Wait, wait, wait, Hear me out, and then you can decide. What do they pay you here, eight, eight fifty an hour? What do you clear, maybe a little over a grand a month? I'll offer you five hundred bucks cash under the table for one nights work. Interested?"

"What do I have to do?" I wasn't interested, but he was in the way and I couldn't get out without moving him or moving too fast, and there were cameras filming this. Maybe I could talk my way out.

"I make movies. I want you to be in a movie I'm making. I'll pay you cash up front."

"What kind of movie?" I already knew, but I still had to ask.

"I make a variety of adult films. I cater to a lot of different audiences."

I nodded to the whiskey on the table. "So if I drank that, I'd wake up sore and sticky and none the wiser until I found myself starring in some skin flick on the internet? No thanks."

He shrugged. "You're smarter than that. So, you want to earn five hundred bucks and have a good time for your trouble?"

"No thanks, I've got to get back to work." I took another step toward the door, but he moved to cut me off, and I backed up again to keep the distance between us.

"Look babe, I make a lot of different kinds of movies for a lot of different kinds of guys. We can make a nice movie or a rough movie, but I'm making you a star tonight. We doing this the easy way or the hard way?"

"Get out of my way and let me out of here now! I don't want to hurt you, but if I have to get rough with you, I will."

He laughed at me.

"What are you, a buck ten dripping wet? You aren't gonna hurt me, babe, but I might have to get rough with you. That might be fun…"

He reached into his back pocket, and the blade of a knife flicked open in his hand.

"Now come here, and let's see what's under all of those clothes…"

He lunged at me to try and grab me with one hand and wrap his other arm with the knife around my neck.

I dodged out of the way of his grab and knocked his hand away.

I should have grabbed the hand with the knife. He couldn't cut me, but he wasn't so lucky.

I knocked him off balance when I hit him…

The blade of his knife sunk into his own shoulder when suddenly I wasn't there to grab…

The room turned red.

I was ruled by the instinct hunt… I dropped into a stalking crouch as a feral growl ripped out of my chest.

The scent was so strong it was overpoweringly seductive. It was like that first day in the forest, all the months of careful preparation and desensitization undone in one careless instant.

I pounced as my eyes locked on the pulse point where the blood flowed hot and thick under the thin sheath of translucent skin.

The scent ruled completely and I was a slave to ancient instinct. I was single-minded as I moved to seize the prey, aware only of the thirst and the glorious aroma that promised to quench it. The thirst was overwhelming, so painful now that any thought but to quench it was driven from my mind.

There was one startled scream…

I felt the prey break under my hands as I bent its head back…

Razor sharp teeth sank into soft yielding flesh…

The first rush of hot blood splashed into the back of my throat…

It was the most intense, glorious, wondrous taste I had ever experienced in my entire existence, human or vampire. Bliss spread through my body with an intensity that was almost sexual as the sweet nectar flowed down my throat filling me with an almost giddy strength. The pleasure didn't radiate from between my legs, but the only thing similar that I could liken the experience to were the orgasms Edward had given me when we shared our bodies with one another…

I drank and drank…

I suckled at the wound I'd made, drinking until the corpse was dry and I was pulling at it trying to suck more from the drained lifeless body…

Awareness returned… I realized what I was doing...

I scrambled to shove the lifeless corpse away in horror as I leapt back to the corner of the room.

I winced as the corpse hit the floor with a soft meaty thud.

Nausea and vertigo flashed through me as the disgust at what I'd just done hit me.

"Oh god! Shit, shit, shit!" I moaned in anguish

Well, my record was screwed. Chalk one up for Bella. I was tied with Esme now, but I was still ahead of the rest except for Rosalie and Carlisle.

Anguished sobs wracked through me as the remorse and guilt hit me but of course there were no tears. I had wanted this… I had begged Edward for this…

Once the horror started to recede, I made a startling realization that disgusted me even more. My throat didn't burn. For the first time in seven months, the constant burn in the back of my throat was gone.

It wasn't worth it.

Only one thought could penetrate the guilt and disgust and remorse…

Elizabeth.

I had to be strong and go on for her. I had to protect her…

I got up. I couldn't sit here and wallow in remorse all night. I was officially a murderer now, but unless I wanted to be a dead murderer, I had to follow the rules. That meant destroying the evidence and covering this up.

I didn't even know his name. I walked back over to the corpse of victim number one, fished his wallet out of his back pocket, and then checked the rest of his pockets. I tossed the car keys and cell phone on the table and then opened the wallet. The driver's license said his name was Nicholas Long. There was a thick wad of bills in Nick's wallet. I tossed the wallet on the table by the whiskey, and then I found his knife.

It was a gruesome task, but I couldn't leave the wound in his neck looking like a bite mark. I slashed the wound repeatedly so it looked like somebody had cut him up instead of biting him. There wasn't any blood so it wasn't too messy. I pulled the sheet off the bed and rolled the corpse in the sheet so I wouldn't have to look at it anymore.

I looked up at myself in the mirror.

Shit.

I had the face of a murderer. My eyes were red again. Not the glowing red of a newborn. They had finally darkened up and had started to turn ochre. I hadn't needed contacts for weeks. All of that was undone as I stared at my red eyes. I shook myself, and got back to work. At least I'd gotten better at hunting over the last seven months. I hadn't made a bloody mess. I hadn't missed a drop, and there was none on my clothes or the carpet.

I went and washed my hands and then I checked the video cameras next. They were both running. I shut them off and took out the tapes. I didn't need to run them back to see my shame. I smashed the cassettes and pulled out the tape into a pile on the bed. I'd burn it later, but at least now it would take a major effort if somebody wanted to watch it.

I searched the room and piled all the luggage on the bed. This guy was one kinky bastard. One suit case was full of bondage equipment and sex toys. There were dildos and vibrators, rope, whips, handcuffs, blindfolds, a lot more I didn't care to think about how it was used. There was another case with more video equipment, and a small DVD player with a built in screen. I hit play, and there was a video of nick fucking some unconscious girl in the player. I shut it off.

I looked through the case and there were a lot more DVD's in unmarked cases. I looked briefly at a few of them. There were more like the first where he was fucking some girl who was drugged unconscious. Some of them were straight up rape videos with screaming and fighting. None of them had the same girl in them twice. I wondered how many of them were still alive.

The last case had clothes in it, but there was the same harsh chemical stink I remembered from the whiskey. The bottle said Rohypnol, "ruffies", the date rape drug. There was another scent I recognized too, cotton rag paper and ink. There was another thick wad of cash, thicker than the wad of cash in the wallet. I left the drugs but took the money and put it on the table with the wallet.

I got to work and repacked all of his luggage and set it by the door. I counted the cash. There was close to five thousand dollars and change. Nick didn't need it anymore, so I stuffed it into my pocket. I made sure the phone was turned off, and then pulled the battery out to make sure. I stuffed the phone, the wallet and the video tape into a pillow case and then made sure I was presentable. I knew there was nobody in the hallway, and I slipped out of the room and went down to the front desk. I lucked out. Anna was away from the desk. I pulled up room 225 on the register, and got the make, model and license number of Nick's car.

I went back up to the room, and got his keys and then picked up the corpse and stuffed it into the laundry hamper on the cart. I went down to the first floor and casually walked to the end of the hall, and then listened to make sure nobody was around to see. I spotted his car through the glass door. There were windows in the end of the building, but I knew from the schedule that those rooms were empty. I got the sheet wrapped body and dashed out to the parking lot. Nick's car was parked close to the door, and I opened the trunk and stuffed the body inside.

I went back inside and got the luggage next. I stuffed the bag with the sex toys and bondage equipment and the suitcase with the clothes and drugs into the trunk with nick. I'd thought about it hard as I walked down stairs, but in the end, I put the pillow case and the case with the video equipment in the front of my truck. All that video equipment had to be worth another couple of thousand dollars. I could easily sell it at one of the pawn shops in Rapid City.

I hadn't set out to murder or rob Nick. He was going to victimize me. He was planning to rape me for his pleasure and profit but had bitten off more than he could chew. I had to cover this up anyhow to survive. It wasn't like I could turn myself in to the police and say he was going to rape me. I had evidence to that fact on video. I also had a video of me killing him and drinking his blood. Even if the police didn't lock me up, the Volturi would come for me if I went to the law with this. If I had to cover this up, I'd be stupid to throw away the money and video equipment too. I had gotten more in one night through Nick's greed and stupidity than I had been able to earn in three months busting my ass.

Of course I felt horrible about what I had done. I couldn't help but feel a huge sense of remorse for the life I had taken. The fact that the burn in my throat was gone for the first time since I woke up only made it worse. I felt guilty and dirty and sick to my stomach that I had his blood inside of me, but I wasn't going to let the guilt break me down or stop me from functioning. I had killed my first human, and I hated that fact, but I didn't feel bad about killing Nick. He was the worst kind of predator, and the world was a better place because he was dead. For the first time I truly understood what Edward had been forced to wrestle with when he had chosen to live as a traditional vampire during his rebellious period.

I went back inside and finished my shift. I went back to Nick's room and cleaned it up to make it look used, but not the full maid service. I wanted it to look like he'd left without bothering to check out. I dumped out his whiskey and left the bottle in the trash. I replaced the sheet and pillow case, but left the bed unmade so it looked slept in, and then left to go finish my work.

Running would have been a stupid mistake. If Nick came up missing, and I disappeared too, the cops would put two and two together and they'd be hunting for Bella Swan in connection with the disappearance of Nicholas Long.

Halfway through my shift, I went out and moved my truck. Anna was watching TV, and usually ignored me anyhow. Elisha had no problem with my work, and I always got everything on my list done. I pushed the truck out of the parking lot, and then coasted down the hill out of town before I started it, I only went a mile or two to a dirt road, and then drove it into the forest out of sight from the highway. I ran back to the hotel, and Anna never even knew I was gone.

I punched out at the end of my shift, and went out and got into Nick's car and drove away.

I drove the car about a hundred miles away, deep into the Black Hills National Forest. I found a deserted dirt road deep in the forest and drove the car as deep into the forest as I could, past the end of the road and deep into the wilderness. I left the keys in the ignition but ripped the license plates off. I got the corpse out of the trunk, and ran away from the car. I wadded up the license plates and threw them out into the forest as I ran. Then I found an out cropping of rock, and hid the body under several large boulders. It would take a crew with heavy equipment to dig it out, and there was no road back to here. I seriously doubted anybody would ever find him, and if they ever did, the first boulder had destroyed most of the evidence they'd need to identify his remains.

I ran back to Hill City then, got my truck and drove home. It was late when I got back and everyone was up, worrying about what had happened. I got off at five am, but it was around eleven o'clock when I got home. I supposed I should have called, but this wasn't something I wanted to discuss on the phone.

"Bella, thank god you're home! I was so worried about you!" Renée said when I walked in. I set the case of video equipment and the pillow case down on the floor, and then sat down at the table.

"Momma, you're home!" Elizabeth exclaimed and jumped up from where she was playing chess with Phil. She bounded over to me and threw her arms around my neck to hug me.

Phil got up more slowly, and walked over to the table. He had read my expression and body language and realized I was upset before the fact had registered with Renée or Elizabeth. He sat down at the table, and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you ok, Bells?" he asked.

Then Renée gasped. "Bella, your eyes… What happened?"

"I had an accident last night… I killed a human. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop…"

"Oh my god!" Renée exclaimed, blanching white as the blood drained out of her face.

"What was it like, momma?" Elizabeth asked innocently, as she stared at me with her huge innocent eyes. I sobbed and hugged her tight to my chest.

"It was horrible and wonderful all at the same time. The bloodlust took me and I didn't even know what I had done until it was over. I reacted on instinct once I got the scent. I know it's horribly wrong, but it was so much better than the animal blood. For the first time since I woke up, my throat doesn't burn… but it isn't worth it…"

"Do we need to leave, Bella?" Phil asked the practical question first.

"No, I covered all the bases. I followed the rules… I covered it up and destroyed the evidence…"

"Ok. If you're able, why don't you start at the beginning and tell us what happened."

So I started at the beginning and relived the experience for them. I didn't leave out any of the details or try to clean it up for Elizabeth. She might be little, but she was very intelligent, and she'd sense the gaps if I left out any details. This was the reality of how we had to live, and she had to be able to deal with this sooner or later if we were going to survive.

The concept of forcing somebody to have sex against their will was new to her, and we had to take a couple of minutes to explain it to her. I felt violated again at the loss of innocence that my baby had to endure just so she could understand what had happened to me because of the world we lived in. She was as outraged as the rest of us once she understood what had happened to me.

"I think you're right," Phil said when I was done with my story. "It sounds like you were pretty thorough. Even if anybody ever finds this jerk, I doubt they'll be able to trace him back to us. The cash will help out. That's untraceable, but you'll have to be careful selling this video equipment."

"Careful how?" I asked.

"Well, you don't want to just walk in and try to sell to a pawn shop. If anyone starts looking for this guy, they might go to pawn shops looking for his equipment to get a lead on what happened to him. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to sell it, but we'll have to be careful. First you should get a fake ID. They'll want info on you when you sell it. Next, I wouldn't sell it in Rapid City. Maybe drive to Sioux Falls, and then break up the sales and spread it around to a couple of different shops. It might be safer to try and find a fence to move it."

"Umm… Ok… How do I get a fake ID?"

"This really is all new to you, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah… My dad was a cop, and I guess you could say I was one of the good kids growing up."

"There's nothing wrong with the way you were raised." Renée chimed in a little indignantly. "I'm glad you're a law abiding citizen and respect other people and their property. I'm proud of the woman you've grown up to become."

"I'm not saying that's a bad thing, mom. It's just we're in a kind of gray area now. There are things we might have to do to survive that don't strictly fall within the letter of the law. We're going to be forced to take certain liberties with the legal system to keep what we are a secret now."

"I know, but I don't have to like it, do I? I won't rock the boat. I get it; we can't let people know what we are. That doesn't mean I'll condone murder or stealing if we can avoid it."

"I'm not planning on killing anyone that doesn't try to kill me first, but I'll do what I have to do to keep my family safe."

"Ok…" Renée conceded a little tentatively.

"Fine, so we were talking fake ID's. This isn't all new to you, Phil?"

"I know how to live on the street. The only thing I ever needed a fake ID for was to buy beer, but I've lived in some rough neighborhoods, and I've been to some pretty crappy places playin' ball. I can give you some pointers… I wish I could do this for you…"

"I understand. It's too soon… You'll get there. Just take your time. The bloodlust will get easier to deal with. So, what do I do?"

Phil shrugged "Hit the streets and start asking around. Don't look in high class neighborhoods. Look for the not so nice neighborhoods and put the word out that you're looking for papers. You can get just about anything for the right price. It's probably a good idea to start making some contacts now. We should probably be ready to disappear by the time we move on."

"What, so just walk up to somebody and tell them I want to buy a fake ID?"

"I can see this is going to take some time. Yeah, that's the basic idea, but you've got to be more subtle about it. This is an illegal activity. It's against the law, Bella. You can't scare them off by just coming out and asking. They have to trust you that you aren't going to get them arrested. You have to put the people you approach at ease, so they don't think you're a cop or a narc."

"Ok, so hint around that I want to buy a fake ID. What's a narc?"

"A narc is somebody that tells the cops about illegal activities. You know, like the tattletale in first grade, only sometimes the cops plant them to get information, sometimes they do it for a reward. This is all about gaining trust so the people you deal with know they can sell to you without getting arrested."

"Ok, be subtle, and build trust so they don't think I'm working for the cops."

"Yeah… That's the next thing… You can't get arrested. You'd never make it through booking without them knowing you aren't human. You've got to avoid any situation where you might get arrested, or be prepared to do whatever you have to do to get away."

"Oh, don't worry, I have no intention of being arrested, but I won't hurt any cops."

"Alright, just so you understand that. If they try to arrest you, you've gotta run for it, and make sure they can't ID you."

I nodded to agree with him. "You know, I've been doing some thinking last night and this morning…" I laid my hand on the stack of cash in the middle of the table. "This is more money than I've earned since I started working. It's more money than I'd earn at my job before we have to move."

"What are you saying, Bella?" Renée asked. Do you want to quit your job? That's fine. I thought it was reckless to go to work so soon anyhow…"

"No, it's not that. It's just we have all this power, and we don't use it… You remember what I told you about Edward and how he lived as a nomad for a while… He was kind of like a vigilante and preyed on the human predators in society…"

"You don't want to start hunting humans? Do you? I thought you were against that… I couldn't live like that…"

"No! I don't want their blood, and I don't want to kill anyone else… It's just that the criminals are out there. There are more predators like this jerk that attacked me. They're living high on the hog because they prey on honest hard working folks."

"The police deal with them, Bella. It's not our place to take the law into our own hands…"

"Isn't it? Is it just ok to break the laws we need to? I'm tired of being a victim. I was powerless to do anything to stop what happened to me in the past, but I don't have to be a victim anymore. I'm not powerless anymore. What if we try to help a little, too? Besides, it looks like the pay is pretty good. If we find some criminals, why shouldn't we shut them down and take their money for our trouble?"

"You want to try and be some kind of vigilante or something? That sounds terribly dangerous, and would you really be any different than the criminals that you're trying to stop? The police don't keep the money they take away from criminals."

"Well, somebody gets it. Does it make a difference if it goes to the government or we keep it? It sure doesn't get turned over to the victims. I know we talked a little about this before, and we agreed that we wouldn't turn to crime to survive, but what about stopping some of the predators? Another couple of windfalls like this, and we'd have enough to invest in some kind of legitimate business."

"Ok, so how do you plan to find these predators then? You said Edward could read minds. You can't read minds, can you? How will you know they're criminals?"

"The same way I'll get a fake ID. Hit the street, make some connections, keep my ears open. I suppose I'll have to catch them in the act to know for sure."

"This is crazy talk, Bella! It's much too dangerous. You'll get hurt or exposed, and then we'll all have to make a run for it. Phil, tell her!"

"I don't think it's that crazy an idea." Phil said. "We have almost five months before we have to move. We'll at least need to get some the fake ID's by then. It can't hurt to make some street contacts so we can get what we need."

"What? You want her to go looking for criminals?"

Phil shrugged. "I want her to learn how to deal with people that live on the streets and make the connections we need. Maybe she'll get lucky and find some of these predators to take down in the process. I won't say she shouldn't look, but I don't think she'll find any. What happened tonight was a fluke, a one in a million coincidence. She got lucky and made out like a bandit, literally. It can't hurt to look around."

"Phil! Don't encourage her!"

"Thanks, Phil." I said. "Now teach me how to be more streetwise."

We talked about it some more, but my decision was already made. I was going to give this a try. Phil and I talked a lot more over the next several weeks, and he gave me lessons on how to fit into the seamier side of society in the big city.

Renée got mad when he took me out in the forest and showed me how to use his gun. I learned how to aim and shoot and load it. I didn't really need it for self-defense, but we were both convinced it would make a useful prop. A girl alone, doing what I was planning would look out of place and nobody would take her seriously if she didn't have some kind of protection. A human knew a gun was dangerous and would respect the threat. I'd have to kill them if I showed what I could do without the gun. If it got to the point where I had to use it, it wouldn't matter anymore because I would have already made the decision to use deadly force.

I waited two weeks, and then gave my two weeks notice at work. We never heard anything about Nick's disappearance besides Anna bitching about him leaving without checking out. I wanted to make sure there was no suspicion that I was involved if it ever came up. I told Anna and Elisha that I had found a better paying job in Rapid City, and they both wished me luck and said they'd miss me.

In the mean time, I started learning my way around Rapid City during the daytime when the weather cooperated, and at night on the weekends. I started getting my face out there so people wouldn't think I just dropped out of the blue when I started asking around for what I was looking for. I took Elizabeth with me a lot of the time when I was just cruising around. We did some shopping too.

I never took Elizabeth to the same shop twice so people wouldn't notice the changes in her appearance. Her growth rate had slowed considerably, but it was still obvious that her childhood would be painfully short even if she eventually stopped aging altogether at some point. Her intellect had already surpassed most human adults, but she still had a lot to learn about the ways of the world.

Oh, who was I kidding, I had almost as much to learn as she did. I was just better at fitting into society because I looked older and had a few more years experience under my belt.

I kept my eyes open as we cruised through Rapid City and the surrounding communities and figured out what I'd need to buy to fit in. I watched the girls going in and out of the bars at night when I'd stake out the city on weekends, and then we went shopping to buy some trashier clothes for Momma. One of the nice things about being a vampire was that I didn't have balance issues anymore, and I wasn't clumsy at all. I was actually graceful in this new existence, and could wear high heels and stilettos without taking my life in my hands.

Alice would have had a heart attack if it were possible, and I could see Rosalie smiling, but I could totally pull off hot vampire biker chick in a mini-skirt, black stilettos, and a tight leather jacket. Rosalie and I might not have gotten along, but I'd seen how she dressed when she wasn't at school, and I knew she'd appreciate it. Most of the stuff I bought was relatively cheap, but then there wasn't a ton of fabric involved. I added some skin-tight jeans and legging to my wardrobe, and I was ready to hit the streets.

Moving through the city across rooftops, back alley and side streets was like second nature to me. It was different than running through the forest, but just as exhilarating to silently leap from rooftop to rooftop and then drop to the pavement below and appear out of nowhere, or vanish into a blind alley and sprint silently away unseen across the roofs of the city.

I kept my eyes and ears open and my sense of smell was surprisingly useful. I could usually pick out the different criminals and denizens of the seamier parts of the city by their scent. Drug dealers were easy to spot from the harsh chemical stink of the drugs they trafficked. I could pick out the hookers by the raw scent of sex that clung to them. Most of them tried to stay clean, but they couldn't completely wash away the masculine sex odor that permeated the air around them when they were working. I made an effort not to dress like them, so people wouldn't confuse me with them, and think I was just another street walker.

After a while, patterns started to develop, and a hierarchy became apparent. I could tell the small time thugs and dealers from the bosses that controlled the turf. The pimps totally pissed me off, and I seriously wanted to kick some ass, but I bided my time and watched and waited and learned. I needed to gain trust and acceptance to get what I wanted, and busting heads wouldn't win me any friends where I needed them.

Rapid City didn't have a lot of organized crime. Most of the crime in the city appeared to be fairly independent. The population was about eighty percent white. There were some street gangs that trafficked drugs, and some Indian gangs that had started up in Indian country on the reservations and then moved into the city to claim a piece of the action.

There was a sizeable and growing Hispanic community. A lot of them had started out as Illegal's that the meat packing plants, factories and mines had paid to have bused in. They had paid to move their families out when they could afford it, and now they had legitimate honest jobs in a lot of different industries. Of course now there were Mexican gangs claiming a piece of the action too.

The largest organized crime elements in the region were the outlaw motorcycle gangs or motorcycle clubs (MC). They controlled the local drug trade, were primary retail distributors of illegal drugs and dominated the meth trade and distribution. They controlled a lot of local manufacturing, but most of the drugs they sold were trafficked into the area.

The Hells Angels were the largest local outlaw MC, and dominated the regional MC coalition, but the Bandidos were a growing force to be reckoned with. Word on the street was there was a major turf war brewing, and it could erupt into violence anytime.

I really didn't want to get involved with the outlaw biker gangs. They treated women like property, and they weren't even allowed to become full members, but were expected to be submissive to the men that owned them. They were often forced into prostitution or street level drug trafficking, and were often physically and sexually abused. On the plus side, the outlaw gangs were reported to collect over a billion dollars in illegal income annually. They definitely counted as predators in my book, and I wouldn't mind putting a dent in that annual income.

I just needed to come up with some kind of plan to do it.

But I was getting ahead of myself. My first task was finding a fake ID, and making a connection with somebody who could provide the fake documents we needed to disappear when we had to move. Phil had suggested that I approach some of the petty criminals in the Hispanic gangs. It made sense. A lot of the people in the Hispanic community had entered this country as illegal immigrants and they had the same needs we did for ID's, papers, and fake documents. I'd have a better chance finding what I needed if I talked to them.

I had been watching Manny for a while now. He was a smalltime drug dealer and petty criminal. He wasn't above some light burglary or petty larceny, but he seemed like a nice enough guy for a criminal. I hadn't seen him stoop to armed robbery or assault in the weeks I'd been watching him. He pretty much respected other people, but wasn't above taking advantage if it presented itself.

I dropped off of the rooftop into the alley, and walked out to the sidewalk bordering the street. Manny was in one of his usual spots on the corner, leaning against the wall outside the music store. He lounged idly back at the edge of the pool of light from the streetlight on the corner. He was wearing chinos, a wife beater and a black bandana around his forehead. His buddies had taken off twenty minutes ago, and he was sipping a forty out of a paper sack.

There was a hip hop beat pounding out of the music store, but it wasn't loud enough to prevent conversation. I walked up to Manny, and stopped to talk, but kept a comfortable distance between us.

"Hey, Manny, how's business tonight?" Business was good, but he didn't know I already knew that.

He looked me up and down and smiled at what he saw, but he was careful. That was good for business. "Do I know you, Chika?" he asked as he leered at me.

"You do now. I'm Bella."

"Ok, Bella. How can I help you? I don't pay for it, but we can get out of here if you want to get off the street?"

"In your dreams. Let's keep this professional. This is business."

"What kind of business? I only do business with people I know, or people with references… Who do you know?"

"I know you, Manny. I'm new in town. I need a name. I thought you might be able to point me in the right direction…"

"I'm no snitch, Chika. I don't turn rat for nobody."

"You don't have to rat anybody out. I'm not a narc or a cop. I want to do some business if you've got a name. I need papers. ID, social, maybe birth certificates if you can hook me up with an artist."

"What's in it for me?"

"Here," I let a hundred dollar bill appear in my hand between my fingertips. He snatched it up and made it disappear, "C-note up front and another one when you set up a meet for me. Call it a finder's fee. That worth your time?"

"How do you know I'm not just gonna take the money and run?"

"Cause you're a businessman. There's more where that came from if you play your cards right. I'll need more contacts if this goes down smooth."

"What's to stop me from just taking it all now?"

I shrugged. "You can try, but the strong arm stuff ain't your game. You're a dealer, and you work the angles. Why get rough when you can make easy money, right? Besides, who's to say I got it on me?"

"How do I find you when I got this set up?"

"Don't worry, I'll find you…"

I stepped into the shadows of the parking lot, and I knew I'd vanished to his eyes. He wasn't looking at me anymore, and his head twitched around as he searched for me with his eyes. I was across the lot in seconds, moving through darkness too deep for human eyes to penetrate. I lightly crouched as got close to the wall and bounded up onto the second story rooftop. Manny was still searching the shadows next to the building for me as I crossed up to the roof of the overlooking building next door and settled into the shadows of the third story rooftop high above the street light glow to watch and listen.

He gave up after a little while, and settled back into his spot by the music store. Another couple of customer's came by and made buys, and then he got out his phone. He scrolled through the contacts, and speed dialed a number. I was easily able to follow both sides of the conversation over the night sounds of the city.

"Hey, Diego, vato, ¿Cómo está?"

"_Bueno__… Manny? __Usted me debe dinero. ¿Está listo para pagar hasta? ¿O tengo que sacarla de su culo?_"

(_Good__… __Manny__? __You owe __me Money. __You ready to pay __up? __Or__ do I __have to take it __out __of your ass__?_)

"Hey, yo sé lo que te gusta. Tengo esta perra loca blanco que está buscando problemas. Está cargado de mierda. Haga que su tripulación y me ayude a llevarla hacia abajo. Usted obtendrá su dinero y puede pasar un buen rato con la perra." (_Hey__, I know __what you like__. I __got this crazy white bitch that's looking for trouble__. __She's fucking loaded__. __Get your crew and help __me __take her down__. __You'll get your money and __can __have some fun with the bitch__._)

"_Bueno, ¿cuándo y dónde?"_ (_Okay__, __when and where__?_)

"Ella dijo que me encuentre. Ya sabes donde hacer negocios. Ven pasar el tiempo mañana por la noche." (_She said she'd find__ me. __You__ know __where__ I do __business__. Come __hang__ out __tomorrow__ night._)

"_Bien, pero si no aparece, tal vez vamos a pasar un buen rato con usted en su lugar, ¿lo captas?_" (_Fine, __but if she doesn't __show, __maybe__we'll have some fun with you instead__, __got it__?_)

Manny swallowed convulsively and shuddered, and then said, "Sí." (Yes.)

"Nos vemos mañana por la noche." (_See you tomorrow night._)

I shook my head as I started across the rooftops to where I'd parked the truck. Why did it always have to be the hard way? I thought about just not showing up tomorrow night but Manny was still my best bet. I didn't feel like starting over staking out some other petty criminal and wasting my time learning their haunts and habits only get the same sort of response all over again.

I'd just have to make an example and lay down the law. Once I showed him he couldn't mess with me and he was better off being on my side, maybe we could move along and get someplace. Manny was connected and knew a lot of people. People that wouldn't talk to me or give me the time of day unless somebody they knew and trusted made the introduction.

I made plans while I drove home. Phil would help me, but I'd have to be careful not to let Renée know what I was up to. She'd freak out and tell me it was too dangerous, but this whole new life was dangerous, unless we wanted to go hide in the wilderness in Alaska for fifty years. What were we supposed to do, go live under a rock or hang out in a cave or something?

I wanted a normal life just as much as Renée did, but there were things we were going to have to make happen to get it. I'd have to hunt when I got home so I would be well fed tomorrow night. I didn't want a repeat of what had happened with Nick to screw up my meeting with Manny and the thugs he owed money to. I knew I was probably going to have to rough them up, but hopefully I wouldn't break their skin and make them bleed. At least it would be outside instead of inside a closed hotel room.

I had never been in a fight in my life, unless you counted the girl in second grade that had pulled my hair because she was mad at me. I had slapped her and pulled her hair back before the teacher broke it up and sent us to the office. I didn't even remember her name or what had caused it, but Renée had to come pick me up, and we had a long talk about what was allowed and what wasn't. That was the sum total of my fighting training before I became a vampire.

I'd gone through the 'how not to be a victim' training with Renée when we learned how to use a can of mace, but that didn't really prepare me for this. I wasn't planning on running, and screaming was out. I didn't want to attract attention to what I had to do, and I wasn't exactly trying to drive off an attacker or purse snatcher.

Phil had shown me some basic moves as part of my 'streetwise' training. He had taught a form of workout kick-boxing that people used for cardio training at the gym. He showed me how to throw a punch and do some kicks. He taught me some knee thrusts and how to use my elbows and the edge of my hand as a weapon. It probably wouldn't help much against another vampire, but I was deadly to trees.

Humans moved in slow motion to me, so it would be a little like trying to hit a tree if I had to fight them. Between my natural hunting instincts and the couple of moves Phil had drilled into me, I'd probably look like fucking Buffy the vampire slayer to a bunch of human punks.

But humans were so much more fragile than trees. The real reason for learning some moves was so I could make it look like I could fight while I pulled my punches and tried not to kill them. I knew I was going to have to hold it together and be extremely careful or roughing up some gang bangers could easily turn into a bloody rampage through the heart of Rapid City.

I was back in the city early the next evening, and back on the roof tops as twilight settled over the city. Manny was back in front of the music store when the sun dropped over the horizon and darkness advanced across the skyline. I settled into the shadows of the rooftop to watch and wait.

His normal crew didn't show up tonight. I assumed he'd warned them off. At least he was honorable enough to want to keep his buddies out of trouble if this went south. He was putting a lot of faith in me whether he knew it or not. Of course he was counting on me to show up to be the victim so he could settle his score with Diego.

I recognized this Diego character when he showed up with his crew. I'd seen him around the city. He was a gang banger and thug. He liked to harass people and was the kind of petty criminal that made people roll up their windows and lock their doors when they drove through the 'bad' parts of the city. His gang liked to beat people up for fun, and he wasn't above mugging and strong arm robbery. He'd probably end up in prison for aggravated assault or murder eventually if he lived that long. I wasn't going to kill him if I could avoid it, but I wasn't above giving him a taste of what he did to other people.

I let Manny sweat for a while, wondering if I was going to show. Diego's crew was getting antsy, and they were scaring off a lot of Manny's regular customers. I supposed you could tell just how desperately some of them needed what he was selling if they were willing to risk the wrath of Diego's punks just to come make a buy. Then again, some of them were apparently friends with Diego or one or more of his crew, and didn't sweat it.

I crossed the rooftops until I was upwind of the music store. I'd be out of sight for a minute as I approached from around the corner, but I wanted the wind at my back. If there was blood, the light breeze would help diffuse the scent faster and carry it away from me. I made a last check of my props. The pistol was secure in the leather holster clipped in the back of my tight black jeans, and the safety was on. I pulled the hem of my black leather jacket over it, to conceal it until I needed it.

I took a deep unnecessary breath, and then stepped off the rooftop. I landed on the balls of my feet in the alley so I wouldn't break a heel from the three story drop and then moved through the deep darkness of the shadows between the buildings until I stepped out onto the sidewalk. The alleyway was between the widely spaced streetlights, and I made my way up the darkened sidewalk toward the corner.

I definitely didn't feel at ease as I walked around the corner into the lions den, and I tried not to think about what would happen if I was the normal human girl these thugs thought I was. My survival instincts were going crazy making me want to drop into a defensive crouch, and the fire flared in the back of my throat as venom pooled in my mouth ready to burn and incapacitate my prey. It took an effort of will to remain cool and collected as I sauntered up to them casually as though I was just out for a walk.

Diego looked me up and down, and whistled. There were cat calls and more whistles and crude comments in Spanish I wasn't supposed to understand, and then Diego turned to Manny.

"Tenías razón, usted sabe lo que me gusta. Esto va a ser divertido." (_You were right, you do know what I like. This is going to be fun._)

"Hey, Manny." I said. "So you've got some new friends?"

"Yeah, Chika… They're here to take care of you…"

"So this is how it's gonna go down? I thought you were a businessman? We could have done this the easy way…"

"We're here to take care of business…" Manny said. Yeah, right, just not my business. "C'mon, let's talk in the parking lot where it's more private..." Yeah, 'talk', right…

I nodded, and Diego's crew scattered and melted into the shadows of the darkened parking lot. The lights in the parking area beside the music store were mostly smashed out, and apparently the store owner had given up on trying to replace them. I let Manny and Diego lead and then they stopped and turned toward me when we were well away from the street. They thought they were being stealthy, but I could see as easily in total darkness as I could at high noon. The colors were just different to me.

"Ok, puta, why don't you show me the money." Diego demanded.

His boys thought they were being subtle as the closed in around us cutting off the way back to the street, but I was easily tracking each of their positions. There were five of them. I didn't need to see them to instinctively know where they were around me. I could smell them and hear their heartbeats, and my hunting instinct constantly marked them and monitored their positions without a second thought. There weren't any weapons in their hands, but three of them had guns, and all of them had knives. I was going to have to make this quick. Guns would attract the cops if they started shooting, and while knives weren't dangerous to me, I knew they could be a problem from my experience with Nick.

"Look, asshole, I'm not giving you any money. Now why don't we just get this over with? You can still walk away, and then I won't have to hurt you."

Diego chuckled. "You've got some pretty big cojones, puta. Why don't you show them to me?" He took a step forward to reach for me and grab me…

"Fine, let's dance…" I stepped forward and drove the heel of my hand into his solar plexus at the base of his rib cage. Diego folded around my hand as I lifted him off his feet and threw him back half a dozen feet to land in a heap. He was stunned and down for the minute as his paralyzed lungs tried to suck in air.

Manny backed up against the wall out of the way as the rest of the thugs closed in. I focused on the ones with guns first. Two of them charged me while the other three moved to back them up. They moved like flies trapped in honey as my hunting instinct flared into alertness, and pink highlights tinged my vision and threatened to turn everything red again. I concentrated on staying calm as I galvanized into a flurry of action.

My fist connected with the first one, and I felt his jaw shatter under my knuckles. I reached for the second one and the bones in his forearm snapped in my grip as I let his momentum carry him forward and bowled him over to roll away yelping. He curled around his arm clutched to his chest and howled in agony.

The other three faltered for a step stunned, but I didn't give them time to react, as I moved to intercept them and stepped into the fray. I grabbed the first one and drove my knee into his stomach and he dropped like a sack of wet cement. I threw an elbow at the thug next to him and felt his ribs snap as the air exploded out of his lungs. My fist connected with the last one and I felt bones crunch in his shoulder as he dropped.

The pink was darkening ominously and threatening to cloud my vision with red, but I'd held it together and hadn't let instinct rule me. I took several deep breaths to try and calm myself. The fire in my throat was intense as it demanded that I seize the prey and rend and tear, but I wasn't going to do that. I controlled my actions and I refused to feed on the humans. I hadn't broken them too badly, and there wasn't any blood…

Diego was back on his feet now wheezing for breath, but he had a gun in his hand. He was starting to raise it to point it at me. I reacted instantly.

I spun where I was standing, bent at the hips and raised my leg like Phil had taught me. My knee extended and I drove the ball of my foot into the center of mass. My stiletto heel would have punched right through him, but I was trying to avoid blood.

Diego folded around my foot and lifted four feet into the air as he went flying back and impacted against the block wall of the store with a sickening thud and crunch. I heard his heart stop beating when his skull shattered and his neck snapped when he hit the wall.

The pink highlights flared dangerously close to red as my instinct registered my fresh kill. The body was still warm and the feral beast part of me cried out to seize my prey and feed as venom flooded my mouth. The burn was intense and demanding as flames engulfed my throat, but I held it together and kept the beast caged. I swallowed convulsively and took several deep breaths to calm myself as I fought to stifle my hunting instinct. The weeks I'd spent in the city immersed in the constant human stench paid off as I fought for control and won.

"Goddamn it!" I was two and one now, but I kept the beast inside chained. I mastered my urge to feed and turned away from the body.

The rest of the thugs were running away, the ones that could walk helping their buddies up as they scrambled to flee from the scene of their debacle. I let them go and grabbed Manny as he tried to edge away.

"I'm not through with you yet!" I yelled at him as I twisted my fist into his shirt and threw him up against the wall.

My gun was in my hand, and I drove the muzzle under his chin to make my point as he cowered away from me, his eyes huge. I let my teeth show in a feral grin, and I heard his heartbeat take off and spike as adrenaline poured into his blood stream. I let the full force of the predator within play on his senses until I caught the acrid scent of urine, and realized he'd pissed himself. I toned it down a little before he had a heart attack or a stroke and was no use to me at all.

"We've got business to take care of! First, you don't give me up to low life scum like this ever again," I nodded towards Diego's body. "Got it?"

He tried to nod, but the gun was pressed hard against his jaw and he couldn't move. I relaxed and just held the gun in his face.

"Answer me, goddamn it!"

"Sí…"

I let him go, and took a step back.

"Now we had a business arrangement. Papers… You know somebody? Somebody legit?"

"Sí…"

"I'll be back tomorrow night. You arrange a meet. A real one this time, or you end up like that," I nodded towards Diego's corpse on the ground again. "Got it?"

He swallowed hard as a shudder passed through him, and nodded. "Sí… What about…" He nodded towards the body. "The police will…"

"You go take care of business. I'll take care of this. Don't try to run. I'll find you. The police question you, you don't know anything. Got it?"

He nodded. "Sí… I'm no rat. I don't talk to cops."

"See you tomorrow night." I nodded back towards the street, and he didn't need to be told twice. He got the hell out of there and took off.

I stuffed my gun back in the holster, and then stooped to pick up Diego's gun. I wasn't a small arms expert or more than passing familiar with guns to begin with. I had hated guns before all of this. All I knew was what Phil had taught me, but I wasn't as bothered by guns anymore. I was more dangerous than any gun without a weapon and I knew they couldn't really hurt me.

The pistol was light and looked expensive, but there were a lot of plastic parts. The lettering on the side of the slide said it was a Glock 19 and used 9mm ammo. There was no apparent safety like the .45, but I tucked it into the back of my pants next to the other pistol. Hopefully I wouldn't shoot my ass off.

I glanced back to make sure Manny wasn't watching, but his racing heartbeat was already half a block away as he high tailed it out of there. I picked up the body and moved into the deeper shadows before leaping up to the roof top.

It was even more disgusting than it sounded. The head of the corpse hung at an unnatural angle and his muscles had all relaxed when he died. He'd voided his bladder and bowels, making the corpse a dripping stinking mess. I had to hold him at arms length so I didn't get any on me as I moved away from the scene of the crime. And yet, despite my revulsion and disgust, I had to struggle to resist my urge to sink my teeth into his neck and feed as I fought against my inner beast.

I moved a couple of blocks away before I dropped the corpse on a rooftop and held my breath while I searched him. There were four more clips for the pistol and I pocketed those. He had two hundred dollars in his wallet. I took that, and then stuffed the wallet in my pocket. I dropped the cell phone on the rooftop and crushed it under my foot. I didn't bother with the gold chains or rings. Whatever scavengers found him could have that. I wasn't going to try and fence his bling. Cash was another story.

I crossed town, and found a deserted warehouse with graffiti and tags that marked it as turf for one of the Indian gangs. I dumped the body in a back room, and then tossed the wallet in a dumpster five blocks away. Hopefully if this even got reported to the police, they'd think it was a gang hit or robbery. I knew none of his boys would report it, and none of them would want the story to get out that they'd been trashed by a girl. They'd probably run with the gang fight story just to save face. I figured Manny was shook up enough that he wouldn't say anything.

Now I just had to decide how much to tell Phil, Renée, and Elizabeth. I thought about it when I got back to the truck and was driving home. I knew I'd probably tell Phil, and someday I'd tell Elizabeth. Phil would probably tell Renée, but hopefully he'd wait until after we'd moved so she wouldn't get upset about me going into the city.

It's not like I was hunting for somebody like Diego to get in my face and cause trouble for me, but I could have walked away and he'd still be alive. Of course he'd still be mugging honest hard working people for their paychecks, robbing convenience stores at gun point, beating up random strangers that ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time, and most likely raping girls that didn't know better than to stay away from him and his crew. Maybe there was the possibility that he would have changed someday, or that prison might have rehabilitated him as much as a long shot as that seemed. As much as I hated the fact that I'd taken another human life, I couldn't help feeling that the world was a better place without him.

Manny was harder to find the next night when I went back into the city. He wasn't at his usual hang out by the music store, but I knew a couple of other places where I'd seen him set up shop to deal. It was bad for business if the cops automatically knew where to find him. It paid to move around a little, but his regular customers knew where to look for him. I assumed he wanted to put some distance between himself and what happened last night. I couldn't blame him.

I finally found Manny hanging out in front of a bodega a couple of blocks away from the music store. It looked like a better location to me, but then I wasn't a drug dealer. I figured he'd avoided this place before because it was closer to Diego's home turf, and he'd owed him money. I guess it was hard to collect when you were dead and most of his crew was too beat up to care.

I dropped down to street level in the alley behind the wine shop and convenience store. Maybe I should have picked another spot, but it added to my mystique. It was a blind alley with no other exit, surrounded by two and three story buildings on all sides. Manny had his back to the alley when I stepped out of the shadows.

"Hey, Manny, you get my business taken care of?" I casually inquired. I thought he was going to jump out of his skin as he spun to face me, startled.

"Madre de dios! ¿Cómo se hace eso?" (_Mother of god__! How do __you__ do __that__?_)

I shrugged. "Natural talent."

"Hablas español?" (_You speak Spanish__?_)

"Sí. Did you get my meeting setup?"

"I got you a name… I'm going to reach into my pocket now…" I nodded.

He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to me. There was a name and address on it.

"The guy you want is Larry Schutz. He runs a copy center and office supply downtown. He's strictly smalltime retail. Fake ID's, green cards, copied socials, stuff like that'll run you a C-note or better. Word is he's connected and can hook you up with the real artists. You want stuff that'll pass a computer search, a birth certificate, college degree, special licenses, passports, he can hook you up, but you're talking serious coin, maybe a couple of grand each, maybe more. You tell him Manny sent you, and you're golden."

"Thanks Manny." I took a step back into the shadows to prepare to leave.

"Hey, what about my finders fee? You promised me another C-note."

I had to admit, this kid had balls asking for his money after the way he set me up, but I was finally making this relationship work, and it had taken a lot of effort on my part. This was business, not personal.

"I don't have a meeting yet, I've got a name. I'll check it out. If it's legit, you'll get your cash. I've got more work for you too. I'm gonna need to meet some more people. I'll find you tomorrow night."

Manny nodded, and I melted back into the shadows. I waited a few minutes and then watched from the rooftops as he followed my exit down the alley and realized there was nowhere to go, but I was gone. He shuddered and crossed himself, and then walked back out to the sidewalk. It was kind of fun messing with Manny's head a little, but I realized I needed to be careful. I didn't want to start rumors that might attract attention from the Italians. I had enough to worry about without bringing the Volturi into the mix.

It was still early. Well, at least stores were still open, so I went to look for the address on the slip of paper Manny had given me. If this was another setup, he was dead meat, but I doubted he'd set me up twice in a row, especially after what had happened last night.

I shuddered at the realization that I could really hurt Manny if I wasn't careful. Thinking about somebody as dead meat had taken on a new darker reality in this new life I existed in as opposed to the idle threat it had been a lifetime ago.

I studied the office supply store from a rooftop across the street. It was still open but it was empty of customers at this time at night. It seemed like an ordinary enough storefront business. I found a secluded spot to drop down to the sidewalk, and crossed the street to the shop. I knew there was only one human inside the store. I pushed the door open and walked in.

The bell on the door jangled to announce my presence as I stepped through the doorway. My nose was immediately assaulted by the chemical scent of ink and toner and printing and copying chemicals. The underlying ozone stink of heavy electronic equipment was strong in the building from the row of copying machines and warred with the scent of paper and stationary and cardboard packing and shipping supplies. This was all overlaid by the always ever-present scent of humans. There was one heartbeat inside the shop and it was approaching from the back room.

I walked to the counter in the back of the store. It looked like a shipping desk or postal center. The shop offered FedEx delivery and shipping services, and would pack up the stuff you wanted to ship for a small fee. There was a poster with their rates for different size and weight packages. The man stepped out of the back room and stood behind the counter smiling as he gave me the once over. The nametag on his Copy Center shirt said 'Larry'.

"Hi, welcome to Copy Center. Can I help you tonight?"

"You can if you're Larry Schutz. A friend said you could help me out with some paperwork. Can we talk out here?" I glanced up at the surveillance camera in the corner of the room, and then back at Larry.

"Who's your friend?" Larry asked.

"He said to tell you Manny sent me and you'd understand."

"Where do you know Manny from?"

"Outside the bodega on Omaha Street."

Larry nodded. "Ok, come in the back and we can talk."

I nodded and walked around the end of the counter and followed Larry into the back room.

"So what kind of paperwork did you need help with… Miss…?"

"Bella. I need an ID to start out with. I don't think twenty-one should be too much of a stretch of the imagination. Then we can talk about the other things I need."

"Ok, that easy enough, Bella. Custom driver's license will run you a hundred dollars if you have a recent picture. Thirty dollars more if I have to shoot one or lift it off your license. I only deal in cash. No checks or credit cards. I can have that done in about fifteen minutes if you want to wait."

I nodded. "I've got cash." I'd anticipated needing a picture, and I was prepared.

I reached into my pocket, took out a flash drive memory stick and handed it to Larry. "Pick a picture out of the folder marked 'Bella'."

Larry nodded, and then unlocked a filing cabinet. He took out a clip board with a sheet of paper on it and handed it to me.

"Here, fill out the information you want on your license. If you don't know an address to use, I can put one in from several I use here in town. They're mostly vacant buildings or apartments here in the city."

Larry sat down in front of a computer and plugged the memory stick into a port while I wrote down my information. I used my real first name but wrote down the first last name that popped into my head when I thought about it. Masen… I was so pathetic. Why couldn't I let go?

I quickly jotted down my vital statistics. I just wrote down September thirteenth for the birthday and left the year blank so he could fill in whatever made me twenty-one. I left the address blank. I didn't want anyone following me back to the cabin if they got a hold of this, and a random address in Rapid City would work for now. Besides, the point of buying this so was that people wouldn't be able to find me or link it to me when I used it.

Larry had picked out a picture and cropped and pasted it into the driver's license on the screen. I handed him the clipboard, and he quickly typed in my information. Then he printed out a paper copy and handed it to me.

"Check this out and make sure it's right. Once I cut the license, you pay me, right or wrong."

I nodded and took the paper and studied the license.

"This says my eyes are yellow…"

"They are. They aren't brown, but I can put that down if you like. Are you going to wear colored contacts or something?"

"No, leave it. It's good to go."

"Ok. You pay me now, and I'll print it."

I got out my wallet and paid him the hundred dollars. He counted it, and then clicked the print button on the screen, and a large copier started humming and working against the back wall. He took the paper copy of the license and the information sheet and shredded them while we waited.

"It'll take a couple of minutes to print out. Now, what was the other work you mentioned?"

"Manny said you had contacts for more complicated work, documents that can pass for the real thing and stand up to a computer records search."

"I've got some contacts… What kind of paper are you looking for?"

"Four social security cards, three driver's licenses, four birth certificates, three of them have to match the licenses and socials; they need to pass inspection to get a new driver's license transfer in another state. The other birth certificate and social are for the same name. I don't think we'll need high school diplomas, but we might need a couple of college transcripts and degrees. I'll have to ask. Get me a quote on the rest, and I'll let you know about the degrees."

"That's pricey work… You got that kind of money?"

"How pricey are we talking?"

"To make that kind of paper legit and stand up? You've gotta either hack government databases and insert the records, or have people in the right offices that'll enter the records for a piece of the action. For three or four people? You're talking at least twenty grand. The degrees are easier, maybe four or five grand if you know they're going to be checked. Don't hold me to that. I've gotta talk to some people. Give me a week, ok?"

"Fine, I can get it. Get me a quote and we can do business."

Larry nodded, and then got up and took an embossed plastic card out of the large floor model printer when it shut off. He walked back to the desk, and did something with the computer, and then swiped the card through a card reader. He swiped it through a different reader and studied the information on the screen. He pulled my memory stick out of the port, and then handed me the card and flash drive.

"Here. This'll get you into bars and let you buy beer, but if you get pulled over, don't hand it to the cops. They'll be able to pull up the info on the card in a reader, but it won't show up in their database if they check it out. They might think its glitch, but they'll probably bust you for it. You bring'em back here, I never saw you before."

"Don't worry, I have no intention of being pulled over or getting arrested."

"Nobody ever does."

"Fine, I'll see you in a week."

I left the store and went back to the truck to drive home to the cabin. My first task was accomplished. I had a fake ID so I could see about selling the video equipment now, and I had made a contact to get the documents we'd need to disappear and start over someplace new, but now I had more problems to deal with.

The papers were going to be more expensive than I had considered. If we bought what it would take to re-establish new identities for all of us, it was going to take close to everything we had left in my savings. We couldn't count on the house in Florida selling in time to cover what we needed. Even if I got a good deal on the video equipment, we might just barely have enough to move, and then we'd be broke trying to scrape together rent money from month to month. I was still the only one who could be around people enough to work, but I'd only be able to qualify for a minimum wage job if I could even find something full time. Even with our limited expenses, I couldn't support four people on a part time minimum wage job.

**Author's Note:**

I know a lot of you are waiting for the Cullens to make an appearance or re-enter the story. They'll be back eventually, but Bella has a lot of story to get through before that happens.

The chapter after this was supposed to have the Cullens in it, but as this chapter got split up, we'll be hearing from some of the Cullens in chapter 11.

If you liked this, please review and let me know what you think. Even if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear from you. I read all the reviews, even if I don't answer all of them. If you have questions, I try to answer then without giving away too much of the plot.


	10. Chapter 10 Dark Angel

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **BPOV (Bella), Bella starts the story. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

This chapter and the previous chapter were originally one very long chapter (about 48 pages), so I decided to split it up into two chapters.

**Warning:** This chapter includes descriptions of graphic violence and violent death. If you would prefer not to be exposed to this material, please do not read this chapter.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 10 Dark Angel

I had talked tough to Renee and Phil about finding human criminals and taking their money to supplement our income. I knew there were predators out there that preyed on good honest hard working people. There were drug dealers, and pimps and outlaw gangs that created mayhem for the fun of it, but I understood the reality of my situation better now too.

If I went hunting predators, and played vigilante, they weren't just going to give me their money. They weren't going to reform and turn over a new leaf. I doubted they'd give up without a fight and just walk away from their money because I threatened them. I'd have to take what I needed, and I'd have to protect the secret while doing it whether I wanted their blood or not. I definitely wasn't hunting humans for blood, but if I went looking for trouble, more people were going to die.

I didn't want to kill anymore humans, but I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid situations where it was likely to happen if I followed through with this course. Hunting human predators would end in violence and death.

The real question was whether or not I was willing to accept the consequences of my actions if I pursued this course of action. I didn't see any other option.

Sure, we could just buy three different fake ID's and cheap knock off social security cards for a couple of hundred dollars a piece, but they wouldn't stand up to serious scrutiny. If somebody got curious or did a background check they'd know they were fakes. We couldn't use them to open a bank account or give them to a cop if we got pulled over. It would only be a matter of time before we'd need to disappear again when people got curious, and we'd constantly be looking over our shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I suppose there was always the cave in Alaska option if we wanted to drop out and get away from the human race for a while, but if we wanted to be able to live in the modern world and co-exist with human society, we were going to need those documents.

In the end, perhaps it was a selfish decision, but I wanted to live in the modern world and co-exist with human society. I wanted Elizabeth to have as normal a life as I could offer her. I had already torn Phil and Renee away from their lives and sucked them into my world, and I owed it to them to give them the best life I could offer. I would take every precaution I could to try not to kill anymore humans, but I had to follow through with my plan. I wouldn't kill anybody that didn't try to kill me first, but I was already a murderer and the body count couldn't go anywhere but up.

I didn't discuss my decision with Renee or Phil. I knew they would have told me it was too dangerous, and it wasn't worth the cost just to make our lives easier. I didn't consider it simply be a question of ease or comfort; it was a matter of survival. If we were going to blend into society and try to be inconspicuous, there were things we were going to need to do to make that possible. It would be hard to blend in and avoid suspicion if the Sherriff was pounding on the door to evict us, or we got pulled over for a tail light out and didn't have a driver's license to give to the cop. We'd be forced to run. We still might be forced to kill to keep the secret, and we ran the risk of incurring the wrath of the Volturi if we weren't very careful.

It was Friday night the next night when I went into the city. I'd noticed odd traces of a scent that I knew should be familiar to me over the last couple of weeks, but it was so faint that it just teased at the edge of my awareness. There wasn't enough of the scent to react to, let alone track, and it barely played across my senses. I wasn't even truly consciously aware of it, but it put me on edge and made me slightly uneasy as I moved around the city.

Manny did a double take and stared when I stepped out of the shadows. He appeared to be torn between his natural male reaction and arousal that attracted him to me, and his survival instinct, fear and natural sense of caution. He knew I was dangerous and he had seen me kill with my bare hands, but he was drawn to me the way a bird was mesmerized by a venomous snake, or the way a drug addict craved their fix even though they knew it would kill them.

I wasn't attracted to Manny, and this was strictly business, but I was wearing the mini-skirt tonight, and it had an effect on him. I was counting on that effect tonight after I was done with Manny.

"Hey, Manny, your name checked out. I met with Larry and took care of business. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"No, I guess it worked out ok… Thanks for taking care of that other business… I owed a lot of money to those gang bangers. They won't be coming to collect now."

"Yeah… Just remember I'm worth more as a friend than an easy way out for settling your debts. Here…" I made a hundred dollar bill appear between my finger tips. He snatched it away and made it disappear.

"Thanks, Bella. It's been a… experience… doing business with you… Are you going out? Maybe we could hang out…"

"I'm heading to 'The Last Resort' if you want to tag along…"

"Jesús, ¿estás loco? Ese lugar está lleno de motoristas fuera de la ley loco!" (_Jesus__, are __you fucking crazy__? __That__ place __is__ full __of crazy outlaw bikers__!_)

"I'll take that as a no… Now I need another name. I need a fence where I can unload some video equipment. You got a name for me? Someone legit that isn't going to try and rip me off?"

"Sí… Give me a couple of days. I know some people. Let me ask around and I'll let you know."

"Ok, sounds good. I'll look you up next week then."

"You're really going to that biker bar? Those hombres are loco."

I shrugged. "I can handle myself. What do you know about the place? Anything special I should watch out for?"

"Gettin' killed… I don't know… The place is a coalition bar. There's guys from a lot of different clubs go there. It's a meeting place where they hash out deals and work out territory disputes. A lot of Hells Angles hang out there, but it's not an HA bar. Gonna be a lot of bikers rollin' into town now, passin' through."

Sounded like the place to be to find out about some deal I could bust to get what I needed, but I'd have to keep my ears open and be alert to whatever I could find out.

"Why? What's special about now?" I asked. "Why would there me more bikers heading this way?"

"What, do you live under a rock? July is over next week. They hold that big biker rally up in Sturgis the first week in August every year. There's gonna be like half a million bikers headed there with their ol' ladies an' kids an dogs an' anyone else that gets off on a week long drunken party. Lot's of opportunity for business."

"Good. I'm looking for a business opportunity. I'll see you next week."

Manny nodded, and I walked away into the shadows and disappeared. I ran across the rooftops of the city back to the truck and the drove closer to where the bar was located. It was outside of Rapid City proper, northwest of the city up on Highway 79. I found a secluded spot to park the truck, and then got out to approach the bar on foot. I had been here before to case the joint when I was learning about the city, but I'd never gone inside.

There were a couple of long lines of motorcycle parked out front and some cars and pickup trucks. I didn't really know what to expect. I'd never been to a bar before, and it made me nervous. I slipped the wedding ring off my finger and stuck it in my pocket. I wasn't looking for a guy, and wearing the ring might prevent guys from hitting on me, but I was here to get information. I didn't want to look like I was out looking to cheat on a husband I didn't have.

I knew I could handle anything that happened in here. The hardest part would be holding it together while I stood in a close packed room full of humans. My control was getting better all the time, but it was still a constant battle not to kill the people around me. Putting myself into this kind of situation was asking for trouble, but I felt it was a necessary evil.

I walked up to the front of the bar, and the guys at the door looked me up and down and gave me lascivious smirks, but I didn't even get carded when I walked inside. I was standing inside the door, and I wasn't sure what to do next. It felt like every eye in the room was on me.

I was in a bar; people came here to drink, so I walked back to the bar. I figured I might as well buy a drink so I would blend in better. There were a lot of guys standing around the bar and sitting on stools. Most of them ignored me and kept talking and partying. A couple looked me up and down, giving me the once over before whispering to their buddies. I ordered a bud long neck when the bartender turned to me. He nodded and got it, and I laid money on the bar.

I was more than a little annoyed that he didn't card me either. All that effort and worry and fighting, and they weren't even going to look at my fake ID? I didn't think I looked that old. Maybe it was just the bar. There were a lot of young looking girls in here, and a lot of them didn't look close to twenty-one. As long as they didn't get busted, I guess it was good for business. Besides, who was I to complain? I was only eighteen, myself, and I'd been fooling around with Edward when I was seventeen. It definitely wasn't me that had made him hold out and wait so long to make me a woman.

I took a sip of the beer and tried not to make a face at the taste. Beer was supposed to taste good, and people enjoyed it.

Don't rock the boat, Bella, just pretend to enjoy it. Charlie had always enjoyed his beer. I'd always thought it smelled nasty, and I never even sneaked a sip when I was human. Now I wish I'd at least tried it so I had something to compare the taste too now. It wasn't like it was disgusting or would make me sick, but it tasted old and foul.

Solid food was definitely out and simply didn't work with my new body. It had to come back out the same way it went in, usually expelled much more violently than it had gone down, but I had discovered that liquids were acceptable if not necessarily palatable. I suppose it made sense with the liquid diet. I had become rather rudely aware of the error of some of my preconceived misconceptions about vampires since I had actually become one.

I had assumed that the Cullens didn't go to the bathroom, or at least didn't need to actually use the plumbing the same way I did. Edward had never left to go to the bathroom, and in all the time I had known Alice, she had never excused herself to go to the ladies room. She had practically lived with me when we came home from Phoenix and we had become very close. She had to help me shower, and spent the night more often than not for the first couple of weeks, only leaving to allow Edward to visit.

I suppose it was silly to assume that they didn't use the toilet, but I never saw them leave to use the facilities. I never saw them hunt either, but I knew they did. Hunting had come up in conversation because they're diet was a major issue in our relationship. Apparently they had simply been to polite to discuss their physical functions in polite company.

The simple fact of the matter was that I did eat; only I survived on an exclusively liquid diet, and what when in still had to come out. There wasn't some kind of mythological arcane magic that canceled out the law of conservation of mass. It was just that visits to the ladies room were much, much more infrequent but lasted much, much longer.

A human would visit the facilities six to eight times a day, but then they were eating almost constantly too. Eating and sleeping took up most of their time. I on the other hand as a vampire could go a week without eating, and didn't sleep at all. The Cullens' had often gone two weeks or more between hunting trips, and I could only assume that as I got older and matured into this new life that the same would be true for me. Bathroom visits were on about the same schedule as hunting trips, but it took a day or two for the blood to metabolize through my system.

I wandered away from the bar after I got my beer and checked out the rest of the club. There was loud rock and roll music playing from a jukebox and some people out on the dance floor. There were a couple of pool tables with some guys playing pool and some more guys watching them play. There were some girls watching them too. A lot of people were just sitting in groups drinking and talking and having a good time. There were a couple of cocktail waitresses making the rounds, and there was food on several of the tables. I could smell the greasy stench of the kitchen, and I avoided it.

I gravitated back toward the pool tables and hung out pretending to watch the guys play pool while I sipped my beer and listened to the conversations. It tasted nasty, but I noticed it did give me a pleasant mild buzz. I thought you had to drink a lot more to feel like this, but it wasn't too bad yet.

After a while, I went back to the ladies room. It was a good way to pretend to be human, and I wanted to dump out some of my beer to make it look like I was drinking more of it than I was pretending too. It was going to my head, and I'd hardly drunk a quarter of the bottle. I didn't want to get drunk. I was here on business. The bathroom was empty so I didn't have to duck into one of the stalls to maintain the illusion. I dumped half the beer into the toilet and flushed it, and then stepped to the sink to wash my hands. The door opened, and one of the girls from the pool table group walked in. She walked to the next sink and looked in the mirror to check her makeup.

She was maybe a couple of years older than me. She was wearing tight jeans and motorcycle boots, a tight half t-shirt and a denim vest with a patch on the back that said 'Property of Sonny'.

She glanced over at me. "You're new here. I haven't seen you in here before. I'm Crystal. I don't know if I should welcome you or warn you. Do you know what you're getting yourself into?"

"I'm Bella. No, this is my first time here. Welcome me or warn me?"

"These guys here aren't like high school jocks or college guys, honey. They're hardcore and mean business but they're real men. They don't take no for an answer, but if you're looking for a wild ride with a real man, you came to the right place."

"How wild a ride?"

She shrugged. "First time I started running with outlaws, they asked me if I wanted to go for a ride. I got raped twice by two different dudes before they brought me back, but it was a wild party. I wanted piss my dad off back then, and hanging with bikers was my way to rebel."

"And you kept coming back? Why?"

"The freedom and excitement of the lifestyle sucked me in like a magnet. I guess I was kind of a tease back then. Once there wasn't any reason to say no anymore, it was easy to just let go and enjoy the ride."

"You liked it? They treated you like an object. Don't you mind that they treat you like property instead of a person?"

"You might not be cut out for this, Bella, if you feel that way. You might want to leave while you still can. What did you come here looking for?"

Well I wasn't about to tell the truth. "I'm looking for some excitement, and a good time, but on my terms." I lied.

"Girls don't dictate the terms here, honey."

"I guess I just don't get it. What do you get out of this?"

She smiled. "My man always has a pocket full of money, and a couple of baggies of dope. It's like a pure adrenaline rush to ride on the back of a Harley cruising at a hundred and twenty miles an hour down the highway. We party when we want, go where we want when we want, and my man don't take shit off of no one. Nobody disrespects me and gets away with it."

"And everything's cool as long as you do what you're told?"

"Yeah, pretty much. It's all about respect. You earn respect. It's not something that's automatic. It's hard to explain to somebody that hasn't lived the life."

"Huh, well thanks for the heads up."

"Why don't you hang out with me and my friends tonight? We know who to watch out for and who's a stand up guy if you're looking for a hookup. If you aren't, we can party and you can get a taste of what this is like."

"Ok, thanks, Crystal."

I followed her out of the ladies room and we went back over to her friends. She introduced them as Sheri and Dawn. Sonny was shooting pool and didn't even acknowledge my presence when Crystal pointed him out.

The girl's grabbed a table close to the pool tables and we sat down. Crystal called one of the waitresses over, and ordered a round of shooters. I didn't want any, but it would look out of place if I refused. Sheri and Dawn were both lighting up cigarettes as they waited for the drinks, and Crystal offered me one from a pack she pulled out of a purse she brought with her when we went to sit down. Well, it wasn't going to kill me. The bar was filled with a haze of tobacco smoke, and I didn't find the scent too terribly oppressive. If anything, it helped to mask the human scent and made it a little easier to be here.

I accepted the cigarette from Crystal, and leaned towards her as she lit it for me.

Wow.

This was another human vice that I had never experimented with when I was human. The smell had been disgusting to me when I was human, and I didn't have anything to prove or any reason to try to be one of the cool kids that smoked. I hadn't been part of that crowd at school in Phoenix, and it had been a non-issue in Forks. The cigarette actually smelled good to me now and the taste explosion when I took that first drag was incredible. I didn't choke or gag or turn green like I had half expected too.

I blew out the smoke, and made a startling discovery. The burn in my throat wasn't as bad. It didn't go away… I had found only one thing that would make it go away, and then only for a day or two. That wasn't worth the cost, but this helped and made it easier to deal with. Why had I never seen any of the Cullens smoking? None of them carried cigarettes, and their house didn't smell like cigarettes. The ashtray in Edward's car was pristine and unused.

There had to be more to this that I hadn't figured out yet. The Cullens had been around for a long time, and smoking and tobacco use was much more common and accepted until the 1970's in America. During many of the era's the Cullens had lived through, they would have stood out more for not smoking, and it would have allowed them to blend in more easily if they did smoke.

I wondered if this was simply something else they had given up like not drinking human blood in an effort to fit into human society. Obviously Carlisle wouldn't want to smoke in his persona as a doctor. The rest wouldn't want smoking to tarnish their perfect image as the good kids in high school that never caused trouble and were perfect students. Esme wouldn't smoke as the young doctor's wife because it wouldn't fit the image and façade they were projecting. Of course the house couldn't smell like cigarettes if anyone visited. I suppose it was easier to simply abstain than try to hide it, but I couldn't figure out why Jasper wasn't chain smoking twenty-four seven if it helped this much.

Our drinks got there, and Sheri passed them around. I didn't think it would hurt me to have a drink with the girl's. The effect the beer had had on me worried me a little, but it had been kind of nice, despite tasting disgusting. I tossed back the whiskey, and tried not to taste it as it splashed into the back of my throat and I swallowed. It wasn't bad in a paint thinner turpentine kind of way. It burned all the way down, and then it hit my stomach.

Vampires didn't have blood to have a blood alcohol level, but drinking blood was like putting gas in a car. There was no wait for it to digest as it metabolized through our systems. It instantly provided energy to our bodies. I didn't know exactly how the chemistry of vampire bodies worked, but I knew how the alcohol affected me. It instantly went to my head, dulling all of my senses. My vision blurred, my speech was slurred, my inhibitions were relaxed, and I was sure if I tried to walk, I'd actually have difficulty. I had never been drunk in my life, but I knew this was what it had to feel like. I'd be falling down drunk if I had to move away from the table right now.

It was one drink! It wasn't supposed to be like this… I was a total light weight! A human would have to drink half the night to get like this!

But I wasn't human.

I sat there at the table smoking my cigarette and tried not to fall out of my seat. I listened to the girls chat and tried to follow the conversation. They asked me questions, and I hoped I answered appropriately because I really wasn't sure what I was saying right now.

After five or ten minutes, the haze started to fade. I had finished my cigarette, and after twenty minutes I was almost feeling normal again. Ok, so liquor hit me like a truck, but at least it burned out of my system fast. I should have realized the affect it would have after getting buzzed off of a couple of sips of beer.

I ordered the next round of drinks, and got more shots for the girl's, but ordered for a beer for myself. That was safer and easier to get rid of. Besides, I could nurse it to keep a buzz going if I wanted to.

So far, I hadn't heard any conversations that related to what I was looking for. Most of the guys in here seemed pretty honest. They talked about motorcycles and runs they'd been on. Mostly road stories, places they'd been, fights they'd gotten into, partying and the women they'd had. They didn't seem like the bunch of crazed predators I'd been expecting. The girls seemed to be pretty honest too. They loved their men and didn't feel exploited or used.

It was getting late, and I was thinking about taking off and finding another place to look for the predators I was hunting when the door opened and a couple of guys walked in. The patches on the back of their cuts marked them as members of the Black Angles. From what I had gathered, the Black Angles were a local MC that was a support club for the Hells Angles.

They got drinks at the bar and asked the bartender if Black Bob was here. He nodded toward the back room, and they headed that way. They knocked on the door and then went in when the voice inside said to come in.

The walls were normal interior construction, and I could hear every word in the room if I concentrated on it.

"_So, what did you find out?_" The first guy in the room said. I had to assume that was Black Bob.

"_We found a cooker, but he's short. He can't supply what we need for the rally. All our dealers are gonna tap out the first day if we can't find anymore shit. You have any luck with your connection?_"

"_Yeah, I made some calls, and called in some favors. Couple of brother's from the mother club are cruising up here on Monday to hash out the deal. They didn't want to talk on the phone._"

"_HA? Is that something we want to get into, man? That's some serious shit._" the third voice asked.

"_Dude, they control the trade. They were gonna ask for a piece of the action sooner or later anyhow if we kept growing. They can supply all the shit we need. We just gotta front the money for the buy._" Black Bob replied.

"_Fine, so what time Monday?_" The second voice asked.

"_I don't know… whenever they get here. Monday night."_ Bob replied.

Finally, pay dirt. This sounded like exactly what I was looking for. They kept talking for a while but moved on to other subjects. It was time for me to go before I got into anymore trouble here tonight.

"Hey, Crystal, I need to take off, ok?"

"Are you sure? It's still early. It isn't last call for another hour."

"Yeah, I need to leave. This was fun… Do you hang out here a lot?"

"We're here most nights when we aren't on a run. Do you have a place to crash tonight? Dawn and Sheri and some of the guys are coming back to our place tonight. You can come party with us if you want to."

I knew what that invitation implied, but it wasn't safe for them to be around me like that. I'd probably kill any guy I was with if I tried getting physical. I doubted I could even kiss a guy yet without ripping his throat out. Besides, I wasn't ready for that yet emotionally, even if it was casual and anonymous.

"Maybe some other time. Thanks for hanging out with me tonight. This was a real eye opener. You guys are pretty cool. This isn't anything like what I was expecting."

"Come back soon," Crystal said, sounding a little disappointed.

I hurried and left then. I melted into the shadows as soon as I was away from the bright lights in front of the bar and ran back to the truck. I pretty much had the weekend to myself before I needed to head back into the city again. I could check in with Manny on Monday evening before I went back to the bar. Then I'd have to wait for Black Bob's connection to show up to work out their deal. I didn't need to check in with Larry about the papers until later in the week.

Saturday I figured out why the Cullens didn't smoke cigarettes. I felt horrible as the burning in my chest and throat slowly built up. I finally realized my body was rejecting the tar and nicotine and chemical poisons I had inhaled from the cigarettes. I had never been sick a single day since I had woken up as a vampire, but this was a pretty good imitation of being sick. I found myself choking and gagging as I hacked up the black tar like residue of the tobacco smoke encased in phlegm like congealed venom. My body purged itself of all of the hazardous foreign materials. It was not a pleasant process.

I felt better once it was all out, but then I needed to hunt. The intense burn and absolute need for blood right now was as bad as my worst day of bloodlust I had ever experienced. I knew if I had been around humans, I wouldn't have been able to resist, no matter how long I had been trying to desensitize myself. It was better after we went hunting, but I was glad I didn't need to go back into the city until Monday. I took most of Saturday and part of Sunday before I really recovered and felt normal again.

I didn't really tell Renee and Phil what I had planned. I didn't really have a plan yet. I was flying by the seat of my pants and making this up as I went. I did talk to Phil about going to a fence to dump the video equipment. We both thought it was too risky to simply sell it to pawn shops. We'd looked up most of the gear on the internet and had a reasonably accurate idea what it was worth.

We all sat down and talked about the documents we'd need to move on and disappear. We decided on a back story and picked out a name to use, and typed up all the information we'd need to provide to get the papers created. I had pictures of us for the documents that would need pictures and had everything on a flash drive to turn over to Larry to when the time came. Renee didn't need her degrees to follow us yet. She knew she wouldn't be able to teach again for years, and we'd worry about getting her the papers she needed when the time came.

I told Phil how much it was going to cost. I knew if I told Renee she'd only worry about how we were going to come up with the money. Phil and I talked about using the money from the sale of the house in Florida to cover it, but we both knew that was unlikely to happen soon enough, and we both knew I wasn't going to leave this up to chance.

It might have appeared that I was more decisive and pragmatic since the change, and I suppose there were changes to my personality as a result of the survival instinct and the part of me that was a predator now. I knew when I was human making decisions was always the hardest part of dealing with any issue I was faced with. Once I made up my mind about something, I had always been very stubborn, and stuck to the path I had decided on with a single minded determination.

I was still just as stubborn and determined when it came to following through with the course of action I had decided to take. The decision making part of the process had just become much easier for me to process. I could look at all the options much more quickly and extrapolate and examine the possible ramifications of each possible course of action. Once I played out all the possible scenarios, it was easy to decide what I had to do to achieve the result I wanted.

It wasn't like I had some kind of mystical ability to see the future like Alice did, but I could appreciate how that might possibly work for her now. I also had a better understanding of what Edward had to have gone through when we were together. He was constantly playing out every possible scenario in his head about what could happen when we were together. Most of them probably ended up with me dead, and that had to be horribly taxing on his resolve to want to be with me.

I understood what it must have been like, but that didn't mean I forgave him for abandoning me. The one option that would have kept us together had always been available to him, but he was too wound up in what he wanted and what he thought was best to ever consider what was best for us or what I wanted. He dismissed my opinion because I was human, and thought the decisions he made for me were best for both of us.

I wouldn't change anything now even if I could. I had Elizabeth, and I wouldn't change that for anything, but I recognized just how self serving and selfish Edward's decisions were now. I had to assume that Edward had lied to me about why he left me. I could look at it objectively now and analyze what had happened.

Maybe he had done what he did to protect me from his world, but he hadn't asked me if I wanted to be protected, and he dismissed my opinion and acted on what he decided was best despite me repeatedly telling him what I wanted. He never cared about what I wanted because he was too wrapped up in the belief that he knew what was best for me.

I still couldn't truly say I was over Edward, but I had come to terms with my relationship with him. I could analyze the actions that led up to him leaving and understood the nature of what we had shared better. It was almost as if I could still feel a connection to Edward since I had woken up, but he wasn't here and I wasn't about to go looking for him. I knew a part of me would always love Edward, but I was ready to move on and live my life without him now. It had been ten months since he left me, and if he had cared about me at all, I had to believe he would have made some kind of effort to find me or at least check up on me. I couldn't believe he wouldn't want to find out if I was dead or alive if he cared about me.

If the Cullens had cared about us, Alice would have found us by now. She had to have seen what had happened to us, but they had all simply written us out of their lives. It was hard for me to believe that Edward had such a hold on all of them that even Alice wouldn't seek me out. We had been so close; she was like the sister I never had growing up. If she hadn't known me so well and what I wanted, I'd be dead now. When I wasn't with Edward, I had been with Alice, but now she was just gone. That betrayal was the hardest to come to terms with. I knew Edward's reasons and motivations, but why had Alice abandoned me? I suppose I'd never know.

Monday morning, I took Elizabeth hunting, and made sure we were both well fed. We went looking for predators, and were hunting lion, but we found some bears instead. I had caught a deer earlier so I could finish up with the predators. I didn't want the taste of the deer to spoil the predator taste, so I started off with the deer while we tracked the scent of the bears. I let Elizabeth stalk and take down the bear by herself, but I kept close to step in if she needed any help. She was an efficient and lethal huntress and we shared her kill. It was too much for her by herself, and we didn't want it to go to waste. We were both happy and pleasantly full when I took her back to the cabin so I could drive into Rapid City.

There were a lot more motorcycles on the road as the early birds made their way up to Sturgis to stake out their territory and set up camp. I was back in the city at twilight as I searched for Manny, but I made a disturbing discovery. The lingering scent that had been at the back of my mind was stronger. I crossed a scent trail as I moved across the rooftops, and I finally recognized it for what it was.

It was the days old scent of a vampire. I didn't recognize the scent in particular, but then I'd never crossed paths with another vampire since my change. Renee and Phil didn't smell exactly like me so I couldn't say I really knew what other vampires like me smelled like. Renee and Phil had a scent like vampire, but any vampire that crossed paths with them would know they were different. This was definitely a traditional vampire. I knew it was male but the wisp of scent was too old and diffuse to track. I wondered how long he had been in town. I had been coming into the city for months, and I had had the sense of the lingering scent nagging at the back of my mind for weeks now. Although this was the first time I had picked up a trace of the scent strong enough to recognize it for what it was.

I knew that I wasn't the only vampire in Rapid City now. I would have to be on my guard more now as I moved around the city.

I quickly located Manny at one of his usual haunts. It was too early for the deep shadows, and I moved off the roof tops into the alleys and back streets once I knew where Manny was. I think I surprised him just as much walking up to him on the street along the sidewalk.

"Hey, Manny, you got a name for me?"

"Sí… a fence where you can unload some video equipment, right? I got a name for you…"

"Someone legit that isn't going to try and rip me off, right?"

"Sí, Bella. These guys are professionals. They won't dick you around."

"Ok, sounds good. So how do I find them?"

Manny reached into his pocket and pulled out another slip of paper and handed it to me.

"The guy you want in Denny. His crew works out of an auto shop at that address, they chop stolen cars, but they move other a lot of other merchandise too. They'll give you a good price."

"How good a price? I know what this stuff is worth."

"Then tell them that and negotiate with them. They're gonna take forty percent off the top for their cut. If you know what its worth, they won't have to guess, and you'll get a better price. They have to sell it to somebody else to make their cut."

"Forty! I could take it to a pawn shop and do better than that!"

Manny shrugged. "Then do it. I'm just the messenger. If you could go to a pawn shop, you wouldn't be lookin' for a fence."

"Fine. I'll check them out. I'll look you up in a couple of days and let you know how it goes."

"So, did you really go to that biker bar?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, it was cool. Nothing like I expected. I made some friends. I might be heading back there soon."

Manny nodded with a slightly awed look on his face. I walked away and disappeared around the corner before I ducked into an alley to move up onto the rooftops. It was dark enough now, as twilight settled over the city, for me to run across the rooftops of the city as long as I was careful. I went back to the truck and the drove closer to the bar. I drove back to the secluded spot where I'd parked the truck the other night. I got out to approach the bar on foot again, but this time I ducked around back and jumped up onto the roof.

I didn't want to spend all night in the bar. It was hazardous to my health for more than one reason. It was early yet, and Crystal and her friends weren't here yet tonight. The crowd was lighter but rougher looking. The guys that had legitimate day jobs were starting to filter in, but I could tell that most of the guys here now were the serious one percenters, and most of them made their living by whatever hustle was available.

Not all one percenters were necessarily criminals, but they generally rejected the rules that applied to modern civilized society, and lived by their own code of honor. They could be identified by the diamond shaped 1% patch they proudly wore on their cut. The urban legend said that the one percent label was a reaction to a statement made by the American Motorcyclist Association. The story went that a spokesman for the AMA had given a statement to reporters in reaction to the 1947 Hollister Riot that ninety-nine percent of motorcyclists were law-abiding citizens, implying that the last one percent were outlaws.

I didn't want to have to deal with guys hitting on me while I hung out and waited for the deal to go down if I went inside. Hanging out with Crystal and her friends had made it easy to have a reason to avoid the guys in the bar. I knew if I went in there alone again, I wouldn't be so lucky. Chances were I'd have to pretend to hook up with some guy to get the rest to leave me alone, and he'd expect the night to end one way. I knew if I did that, he wasn't going to take no for an answer or end the night with a kiss on the cheek. Then I'd have to kill him or at least hurt him badly, and I didn't want to use people like that.

Maybe that was what I was doing with these guys I was waiting for, so I could bust their drug deal, but I had become good at rationalizing my actions. I was doing this so my family could survive, and in the process I could help out the general good by taking out some serious criminals. If I busted their deal, I'd be keeping drugs off the streets, right? My personal sense of right and wrong could rationalize that as a good thing. I knew having to take out some guy that was hitting on me after playing him so I could fit in with his buddies and avoid their advances was wrong. Hopefully Crystal would show up if I decided I needed to go inside tonight.

I knew Black Bob was there. I identified his heartbeat and recognized his voice from the other night. His two buddies hadn't shown up yet, so I assumed their connection wasn't there yet either. I was patient, I could wait.

Crystal and Sonny showed up around eleven o'clock and I thought about going in to say hello, but I had a mental picture of the inside of the club, and I could hear everything that happened inside. It was almost like being there without having to deal with all the humans inside. I recognized the sound of the heartbeats when Bob's two buddies showed up.

I moved to the edge of the roof to check out their bikes so I'd recognize them, and then settled in to listen to them talk. I could follow the sound of their heavy footsteps as they crossed the room and went into the back room again.

"_So they show yet?_" the second voice from the other night asked.

"_If they were here, I would have called you and told you get your ass down here._" Black Bob said.

"_Hey, somebody has to hit the streets and take care of business. Where the hell you think the buy money's coming from? We had to shake down a lot of dudes we usually let slide. We're squeezin' pretty tight to make this happen. It better be worth it._"

"_It'll be worth it. This shit these guys from the mother club are dealing is so pure it's practically purple. By the time we cut it for the street dealers, we'll make back 10 times what we have to front for the buy._"

We all settled in to wait after that, but we didn't have to wait long. Another couple of bikes pulled into the lot around twelve-thirty. I could watch them park from my vantage point, and memorized the bikes and their riders. They walked into the bar and asked for Black Bob, but the third guy from the other night was waiting for them. He met them at the bar and the three of them walked into the back room.

"_You Black Bob?_" the first new guy asked.

"_Yeah, I'm Black Bob. Taco said he was gonna send a couple of guys up here to make a deal…_" Black Bob said.

"_Yeah, Taco sent us. I'm Joker, and this is Viking Dave. We can cut you a deal._" the first new guy, Joker, said.

"_You can call me VD for short,_" the second new guy, VD I guess, said with a chuckle.

"_Ok, so what you got for us? Bob said you dealt in some primo pure shit._" the second voice from the other night challenged.

"_Chill out D-day, give'em a minute to sit down. So you got a sample so we don't have to take this on faith?_" Black Bob said.

"_Yeah, we got a taste for you. Show'em, VD._" The guy called Joker said.

There was the squeak and rustle of leather on leather, and then what sounded like a baggie hitting the table

"_That's some pure ass shit._" the second voice, D-day said. "_Mind if we take it for a test drive?_"

"_That's why we brought it, knock yourself out._"

I couldn't say I recognized the sound of the razor blade on the glass of the mirror, chopping up the chunks into coarse powder, or the hard inhalation of breath as they lined up the drugs and snorted them, but I knew just the same that that was what was happening.

"_Oh yeah! That's some good shit!_" D-day said. "_We can deal._"

"_So how much were you lookin' to buy?_" Joker asked.

There was the sound of paper sliding across the table.

"_This is what we were looking to buy right now if you can get it._" Black Bob said.

'_Yeah, we can handle that if you've got the cash._" There was the sound of a pen scrawling on paper. "_Here's our price…_"

"_That's very reasonable,_" Black Bob said. "_What's the catch?_"

"_We want ten percent of the retail sales profit. We'll supply you, and you buy from us, but you deal with the street level dealers. We take our cut, and the rest is all gravy for you._"

"_Ten percent? How much of this shit did you guys do before you got here?_" D-day asked.

"_That's standard for support clubs and small timers. Patch over and talk your guys into joining up, and we'll give you the full member discount._" Joker said.

"_D-day, shut the fuck up._" Black Bob said. "_We'll take the deal. How soon can we get the shit?_"

"_I can make a call and meet you in thirty minutes._"

"_D-day, what about it?_" Black Bob asked.

"_We got it, but it's spread around. Give me two days. Where's this deal going down?_"

"_You know that abandoned strip mine and rock quarry down on Highway 79? We'll meet you there on Wednesday night. That work for you?_" Joker asked.

"_Yeah, what time?_"

"_Round' now works for me. Say twelve-thirty, one o'clock?_"

"_Yeah, that's cool. Let's keep this a private party, ok? I don't expect to see your whole MC come rollin' in._"

"_Yeah, we're cool._"

It was time to go. I had what I had come for and I knew when the deal was going down. I suppose I could have called the police or the FBI, but then I wouldn't get what I needed out of this deal. I stepped off the roof to slip away into the shadows, when the wind shifted and a trace of an elusively sweet scent blew in my direction. The scent of the vampire I had sensed on the rooftop in town.

Was he following me? It was too much of a coincidence that he would show up here now.

My survival instinct flared, and I immediately changed direction. I was down wind with the shift in the breeze, and I ran away before the wind could shift back and carry my scent back to him. I moved out onto the darkened prairie and ran flat out avoiding vegetation or touching anything that might take my scent and make it linger and leave a trail. I crossed open mine pits and rocky areas, and took a miles long circuitous route back to the truck. I circled it several time to make sure he hadn't found it first, and was waiting for me.

I didn't wait any longer and got the hell out of there. I didn't drive straight back to the cabin. I drove further south until I was sure I wasn't being followed, and then drove back into the hills before I finally turned for home. My gut told me to run, but we were so close to having everything we needed. Just another couple of days, maybe a couple of weeks on the outside, and we'd have everything we needed to leave.

It was early morning when I got home and everyone was still asleep. I didn't want to create a panic so I decided to let them sleep. I slipped into Elizabeth and my room, and lay down on the bed beside her. I curled up next to her and wrapped my arm around her tiny form. She sighed contentedly and smiled in her peaceful sleep. This made it all worthwhile. I would do whatever I had to, to provide for Elizabeth and care for her needs.

Did it truly matter if it was a bear in the woods, or a deer that we took down together, or vicious drug dealers that preyed upon the vices of their fellow humans? They all had something we needed and we did what we did to survive. Did we have any less right to survive than any other creature? I knew the answer to that question. Survival wasn't a question of rights or law, it was a question of nature, and the oldest law in the world was survival of the fittest. We could survive as long as we could, and that was all there was to it.

We didn't have to worry about time or disease anymore. Elizabeth still worried me, but her growth while accelerated had slowed markedly. It was still faster than a human child's by better than two to one, but I had hope that it would stop eventually. Her scent had changed as she grew and the more the aging slowed, the more her human scent faded and she smelled more like Renee and Phil.

We would live until we died, and I meant to be hard to kill. We were truly the top of the food chain now, and we had no natural predators besides our own kind. I suppose humans could be dangerous to us in large enough numbers if they knew we existed or possibly with advanced weapons, but the only true danger we faced was from others of our own kind. It paid to avoid them all costs. I didn't want the story that Elizabeth, Phil or Renée even existed to get out, and the easiest way to avoid that was to avoid contact with other vampires at all costs.

I waited until I heard Renee and Phil moving around the cabin before I silently got up. Elizabeth was still asleep, and I left her to go talk to them.

"Good morning, Bella," Renee greeted me.

"Mornin', Bells," Phil said. "So how'd it go last night? Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Good morning," I replied. "Yes, I met with my contact, and he got me the name of a fence. He says they're gonna take a forty percent cut off the top, but it's still safer than going to the pawn shops."

"I don't like trying to sell that stuff at all, but if it's safer for you, then I guess it's better this way." Renee said.

"I'm gonna head into the city and meet with them this afternoon, and then I want to check in with Larry about the papers."

"So soon?" Phil asked with a worried expression. He was better at reading my body language now than Renee. "What's the rush? I thought you were gonna give him a couple more days?"

"Something happened last night. I don't know how serious it is yet…"

"What happened, Bella?" Renée asked. I couldn't help but notice that she looked more intently at my eyes, but then seemed to relax when they weren't red.

"I caught a scent in Rapid City last night. There's another vampire in the city. I was careful, and I'm pretty sure they didn't track me or follow me home, but it was too coincidental that they were the same places I was. Maybe they're just curious, but I'd like to avoid contact with him if I can."

"Him? Do you know who it is?" Renee asked.

"No. I know it's a male scent, but I've never met any other vampires since my change. I'm not even sure if he's alone or not, but I didn't pick up any other scents."

"You don't think it's…"

"No. It's not him. He hasn't cared if I was alive or dead for ten months. Why would he show up now? Even if it is, I don't have anything to say to him."

"His daughter might want to meet him…"

"Well then he shouldn't have left then, should he? I can't believe it's him. It's probably just some nomad that's curious about crossing paths with another vampire. A female one at that, but I don't have any interest in finding other vampires. I don't want him to find out about any of you. I think we should start making preparations to pull out and move as soon as possible."

"Don't you think you're overreacting a little? How dangerous could one vampire be?"

"Do you want to fight him?" I asked Renee.

"No! I don't want to fight anybody!"

"I don't know what he wants, and I prefer to err on the side of caution. Elizabeth has to be my first concern. She still looks too young. Any vampire that sees her is going to think she's an immortal child if he sees her with us or if she does things a human child couldn't. If that kind of story gets out, we'll have the Volturi hunting us down. Another three or four years, and it won't be such an issue. If we can stay hidden for seven or eight years, she'll probably look as old as me, and we won't have to hide her anymore."

"Ok, so what do you want us to do, Bella?" Phil asked.

"Start deciding where you want to go next. Look on the internet, and see if you can find a place to move on to. Be ready to run, and if I tell you to run, you run."

"What about you?" Renee asked.

"Don't you want to be part of the decision, Bella? You can help us decide where to go…" Phil said.

"No. If I don't know where you're going, I can't tell anyone. If the worst happens, and we get separated, send a post card to the post office box in town. Send a cell phone number, or another PO Box number, and I'll find you. If I think I'm being followed, I won't lead them back to you. You have to keep Elizabeth safe."

"Momma, are you going away?" I heard behind me, and that simple question tore at my heart.

"No, baby. I don't want to go away." I turned around and picked her up and held her close and hugged her. "We're just making plans. You know we have to be careful?"

I looked at her little face, and her brown eyes were so huge and vulnerable as she stared back into my eyes. She nodded.

"I don't want you to go away, momma. We need to stay together… We're a family…"

"You're so important to me, Elizabeth. I love you and I won't let anybody hurt you. You know I'll do anything to protect you. I won't go away if I don't have too, and I won't stay away for long if I have to leave. Nothing could keep me away from you, baby. You know we have to plan for the worst and hope for the best. That's how we stay safe."

"Can I go with you, momma? I can help you. We can be a team."

"We're always a team, baby, but I have to do this alone, ok? You need to stay with grandma and grandpa so I know you're safe, ok?"

"I want to keep you safe, too…"

"I know… This is something I need to do for us, ok? Now why don't you go get dressed, and we can go play. I have to drive back to the city later, but we can play until I have to leave…"

"Ok. Can we go look at town again?"

"Sure, as long as we stay hidden."

Elizabeth ran back into our room to get dressed. She liked going to the edge of town and watch the humans while we hid in the treetops or moved from rock to rock and bush silently stalking the unsuspecting town. We wouldn't let her go into town or actually play in the park there. There were playgrounds at some of the camp grounds, and sometime we went there to play. The tourists were just passing through, and wouldn't realize how fast Elizabeth changed, so it was safe for her to go play in the park there.

She was only eight months old, but she looked like a big three year old or small four year old human. The only issue with playing at the playground was when she did things a normal three year old wouldn't be capable of. We still had a lot of fun. She loved to run and was as fast as me in bursts, but I carried her when we had a long ways to go.

I turned to Phil when Elizabeth went into her room. "You know what you have to do. Keep my daughter safe." He nodded, and I went in to help Elizabeth pick out something to wear.

I drove Phil's car back to Rapid City that afternoon. I left the truck because they could pack more in it if they had to run. I didn't try to hide the car and go on foot. I brought the video equipment with me. I just wanted to ditch it now. I didn't care about the money at this point. It was just one less thing we'd have to pack, and the extra money would help, but it wasn't enough for what we needed. If I didn't bust the drug deal Wednesday night we'd be broke and on the run.

I had price sheets printed out when I went to talk to Denny at the auto shop. He was a business man, and wanted to haggle. The video gear was worth three thousand dollars new. It was used but in excellent condition. I let him talk me down and have his forty percent cut, and walked out with two thousand dollars cash.

I went to talk to Larry at the copy center next. He was surprised to see me so soon, but he had my quote. We went into the back room to discuss the work.

"I didn't think you'd be back so soon." Larry said when we walked into the back.

"Things are moving faster than I expected. What did your contacts say? Can they do my job for me?"

"Yeah, I can get you everything you need, but it's going to be expensive. Four birth certificates aren't too bad as long as you don't all mind being from the same place. They're gonna hit you for fifteen hundred a piece. Real driver's licenses for three that match the birth certificates are a little more expensive, two grand a piece."

"Ok, what about the social security cards?"

"That's the rub; they're more expensive than I thought. We're talking about falsifying federal documents and hacking a government database…"

"How much?"

"Three grand a piece…"

"That's twenty-four thousand dollars!"

"Yeah, I told you it was going to be pricey. Are we still in business or are you walking away? What about the college degrees?"

"Yeah, we're doing business. No degrees for now. How do you want to work this?"

"I need the personal information you want on the documents, and recent pictures for the driver's licenses. You pay me half up front. You pay the balance when you pick up your package."

I handed him the flash drive with the information we had prepared.

"Here, take a look at this and see if it has everything you'll need on it."

He plugged the memory stick into a port on his computer and looked it over.

"It's none of my business, and I guess I should keep my mouth shut, but if you're pressed for cash this birth certificate info for this little girl says she's four years old. You could walk into any social security office in the country and get her a social security card for the filing fee and nobody will say anything about it. They don't start investigating cases until you're an adult applying for a first time social. If it's a kid, they don't care as long as her parents are registered. That'll save you three grand, and it's safer for my contact too."

"Ok, just give me the birth certificate for her then, and drop the social. Thanks."

"No problem. I might be a forger, but I'm not a thief. They would have just taken the birth certificate and filed for a social with it, and then hit you for the three grand for something you can do yourself for practically nothing."

"Right, how soon can you get this done?"

"They like a month to process this kind of job, but if you're in a hurry, the minimum turn around is two weeks from whenever you pay me. Anything faster and I have to charge you a premium for rush service. The fastest they can possibly get it done is a week, so it's really not worth paying for a rush job."

"I've got seven grand cash on me. I can give you that and get the rest tomorrow if you can get the order moving now. Every day counts to me, but I think I can hold out for two weeks."

"I'll trust you. Give me the seven, and I'll get this turned over to my people. You can pay me the fourteen when you make the pickup."

I counted out the seven thousand dollars, and paid Larry. Then I gave him my cell phone number. I wasn't planning on keeping it after we moved anyhow.

"Call me when the papers are ready, and we can make arrangements for me to pick them up."

"Ok, I'll be in touch."

It was night by the time I finished with Larry, and I went to go look for Manny next. I parked downtown and left the car as I took to the rooftops to find where he was dealing at tonight. It didn't take long to find him and he wasn't as surprised when I stepped out of the shadows.

I knew my business association with Manny was coming to an end. The relationship was strictly business, but he had been helpful once I had forced him to trust me and laid down the law. I was going to miss him, and wanted to make sure he was taken care of.

"Hey, Manny, how's business tonight?"

Manny shrugged. "Business is good. Did you take care of your business?"

"Yeah, your name checked out. I talked to Denny and took care of business."

"Ok… So, you're back. Do you need another connection?"

"No. I just wanted to remind you I'm worth more as a friend. Here…" I made a hundred dollar bill appear between my finger tips. He snatched it away and made it disappear. "I promised you a finders fee, and I don't welch on a deal."

"Thanks, Bella. So will we be doing more business…? I can find you some work… Protection, debt collection, pest control… There are people that would pay big bucks for somebody with your skills."

"I'll think about it, but I might be leaving town for a while. I wanted to make sure you were taken care of first…"

I didn't want to burn my bridges. I could have just left town, and not bothered looking him up, but I didn't feel right doing that. If I ever came back this way, he might be a useful contact in the future.

"Anything I can help you with? I owe you one…"

"No. I can deal with this. See you round, Manny."

"Vaya con dios, Bella."

I nodded and stepped back into the shadows. Perhaps I would go with god, and he would forgive me for what I was planning to do. I didn't consider myself to be evil or immoral. I rationalized that my actions served the greater good, but I would still carry them out, regardless.

I made my way across the rooftops back to the car, and then went to go look for the mine on Highway 79 where the drug deal was supposed to go down tomorrow night. I wanted to check it out and get the lay of the land before I went there tomorrow. I parked the car and then slipped into the mine under cover of darkness.

I left the car a couple of miles away and went over the fence in one smooth motion without breaking my stride. I crossed the open pit strip mine to the entrance area. The gate in the chain link fence was chained shut and there were no trespassing signs posted. The guard shack was boarded up and locked. There were a couple of weather beaten mobile home-like trailers with an 'Office' sign on the front of them. The windows were boarded up and they were locked. There were a couple of dilapidated looking machine sheds that were empty, a water tower with the name of the defunct mine painted on the side in faded letters and a rail spur line with half a dozen abandoned ore cars

There was a dirt road that ran past the office trailers down into the open mine pit. The entrance gate was a good ways off the highway down a gravel road, and once you went through the gate and down the dirt road into the mine pit, you'd be invisible to anyone passing by on the highway. The open mining pit was half a mile wide open, and there wasn't a lot of cover for surprises.

I gave a lot of thought to how I was going to pull this off. None of them was expecting me. Was it even worth giving up the element of surprise to talk to them and make demands? I knew from experience that they wouldn't take my threats seriously. I suppose I could play it off as human and pull a gun on them, and see what happened. If I made it out with the cash, then I wouldn't have to kill them.

I didn't hold out much hope that I'd be that lucky. If I had to shoot one of them, the scent of blood in the air would probably drive me into a frenzy, and that would be all she wrote. If I did anything that exposed the secret, I couldn't let them leave alive.

At least I didn't cross the scent track to the other vampire I had caught scent of yesterday. Hopefully he had moved on, and I could take care of business. I figured I ought to at least clear enough on this job to pay for the papers and get us set up again wherever Phil and Renee had decided to move to.

Wednesday morning I took Phil hunting and told him everything. I told him about the drug deal and the bikers, and how I was planning on busting up the deal. He just nodded and took it in stride. This was what we had been planning for. It was why he had taught me what he could. He knew we didn't have any other options. The house in Florida hadn't moved, and we didn't have the money to pay for the papers any other way.

He hugged me before I left and told me he'd be waiting up for me to come home or waiting for my call however it worked out. He didn't try to talk me out of doing it. I knew he wouldn't say anything to Renee to upset her until this was over. Honestly, I didn't think he'd tell her anything about this unless she asked.

It all came down to this one deal tonight. Either I went through with it and we were set to move on and disappear, or I blew it, and we were forced to run and live like nomads until I could find some way to get a job or find another way to support us. Renee might be able to walk into a store long enough to pay for gas, or maybe not. Hopefully we wouldn't have to find out the hard way. It was all up to me now.

I drove into the city early and found a spot close to the mine to hide the car. The car wouldn't help me get away in a hurry, but if I needed to worry about hiding bodies, I wanted it close. I climbed up the side of the water tower so I'd have a clear vantage point of what went down so I'd know when to make my move.

Joker and VD showed up early around eleven-thirty, but they had a third guy with them. They used a pair of bolt cutters to open the gate, and then cruised around the mine checking the place out. Joker and VD cruised back out to the highway like they were leaving, but the third guy left his bike in the back of one of the empty machine sheds and found some cover behind some brush at the top of the mine pit to wait. I assumed he was their insurance, in case somebody tried to rip them off.

Shit.

I'd have to take him out first before I jumped the rest. Maybe I ought to just do it now, and started to move off the tower.

Then it was too late.

I froze as Joker and VD came back and rode into the yard. They went down into the mine pit, and I could see the head lights of another couple of bikes approaching down the road. I recognized D-day and the other guy from the bar. Black Bob must have stayed at the bar and sent them to make the buy.

D-day waited, and the other guy got off his bike and closed the gate. Then they rode down into the mine pit.

I had to move now if I was going to be a part of this. I stepped off the tower and landed silently in a crouch, but I was too far away from Joker and VD's backup to take him out without being spotted. If he saw me while I charged him and yelled, it could blow the whole deal.

It was chancy, but I picked up a good sized rock and threw it at him hard. It hit him in the back, and he slumped forward. His heart stuttered and missed a beat, and then started beating normally. He didn't move.

Good. Hopefully he was down for the count, and wouldn't interrupt us.

I was really hoping the noise from the motorcycles had covered the sound of the altercation, and nobody below had noticed.

I stepped over the edge of the pit and dropped down into the deep shadows as D-day and his buddy shut off their bikes and stepped off.

"Ok, let's make this happen." Joker said.

"Yeah, let me see the shit." D-day replied.

Joker opened the zipper on a travel bag strapped to the back of his bike. It was full of plastic bags of light purplish white powder.

"Ok, show me the money." Joker said.

D-day's buddy opened the zipper on a duffel bag strapped to the back of his bike. It was full of thick bundles of cash.

"You want to count it?" D-day asked.

"Nah, I trust you. Besides, if you're light I'll take it out of your ass. Let's do this."

D-day's buddy zipped the bag closed and unstrapped it from the bike while VD zipped the bag of drugs closed and unstrapped it from Joker's bike. They started to step across the open space to make the exchange.

It was time to make my move. I pulled my pistol out of the holster and stepped out of the shadows into the pool of light from the motorcycle headlights.

"Ok, freeze. I'll take that bag." I ordered as I pointed the pistol at them.

All four of them turned to face me.

"Keep you hands where I can see them." I reached for the bad of money.

"What the fuck is this shit?" D-day yelled. "You guys are ripping us off?"

"Little girl, you are so in the wrong place at the wrong time!" Joker yelled. "She ain't mine! Who the fuck did you assholes shoot your mouths off to?"

"Nobody!"

"Fucking small town amateurs," Then Joker looked up where his backup was supposed to be. "Jay, light her up."

"Yeah, about that... You're gonna have to have a talk to him about sleeping on the job." I glanced up the side of the pit where I'd knocked out the third biker.

Fuck!

It just couldn't go smooth.

Movement in the brush, a glint of starlight on blued steel, the spark of a muzzle flash before the sound could travel this far.

I was suddenly in motion.

I dove forward too fast for the humans to follow and rolled past D-day and his buddies bikes landing in a crouch.

Gunfire erupted, a staccato burst of automatic weapon fire ripped through the space I'd occupied seconds before, tracking my movement.

The enthralling scent of fresh human blood and the raw stink of feces from guts ripped open filled the air.

Jesus Christ! He had a fucking machine gun?

I turned, raised my pistol and fired without thinking into the center of the heat bloom at the edge of the pit.

Three rapid fire shots rang out, and then the body was rolling over the lip of the pit to land with a thud when it hit bottom.

His heels drummed against the rocky ground in nervous reaction but the heartbeat was already silent before he fell.

My vision was tinged pink and rapidly darkening to red. I clamped my jaws shut and stopped breathing as I rapidly surveyed the scene.

D-day and his buddy were down, bloody and bleeding. D-day's eyes were open and glassy, staring at nothing. There was no heartbeat. His buddy was still alive, but he was hit bad and moaning as he bled out on the ground.

Joker was reaching into his jacket for a weapon, and VD was still dropping the bag of drugs, but I could see the butt of a pistol in his waistband.

I didn't think. I acted.

A feral growl ripped out of chest as I pounced, covering the distance between us in a single bound. I felt Joker's bones crunch as he went down smashed suddenly to the ground as our bodies collided. I didn't slow down as I slammed into VD and took him down with my hand on his throat. I felt his neck snap when he impacted on the rocky ground.

I got up and stepped into the clean wind blowing into the pit and took several deep breaths to help clear the bloodlust from my head.

Two of them were still alive. D-day's buddy was still alive for now, and Joker was knocked out but severely injured. I was going to have to finish them off to clean this up. I didn't know how much time I'd have before the police got here. It depended on if anybody had reported the gunfire. We were a long way from the nearest house.

Well, add five more to the body count. D-day was arguable whether he counted against me. I didn't kill him directly, but he wouldn't have died if I hadn't been here. Did it really matter if he got caught in the crossfire? It was still my fault…

I considered what I had done. What I still had to do. This fight didn't have to happen if I hadn't gone looking for it. I could argue that the dead were killed by accident or in self defense, but could they even truly hurt me? I knew what they were. They were predators just as much as I was now, only they preyed upon the innocent by callously pandering their drugs to whoever was willing to pay them for them. I could not help but feel that the world was better off without them. Callous as it might sound, I did not regret what I had done…

My musing was interrupted by the sound of applause. Somebody was clapping?

I was suddenly alert as my head whipped around searching for the source.

There downwind of me. There were two figures standing on the lip of the pit. Did Joker have more backup I didn't know about?

Then they stepped off the edge of the pit and were ghosting towards me, too fast for any human. I knew what they were. They closed the distance between us, but I could pick out details as they crossed the pit.

The smaller one had an olive complexion with a chalky pallor and black hair that reached his shoulders. He was tall, hard and lean as the blade of a sword. He only looked smaller compared to his companion. The bigger one was very big, tall, and thick through the shoulders. His size made me think of Emmett Cullen, but He had a slightly olive complexion which looked odd combined with his chalky skin, and his black hair was cropped short. Their eyes were burgundy in color due to their diet of human blood.

They were both wearing dark grey, almost black cloaks that blended into the night. I shuddered when I recognized the significance of the cloaks. I knew who they were in a general sense, although I hadn't met them personally, but I didn't know why they were here.

The smaller one bowed when they stopped in front of me.

"Hello young one. I am Demetri, and my companion here is Felix. We've been looking for you for quite a while, but you have proven to be a most elusive target."

I nodded. "I'm Bella. Why are you here? Have I broken the law?"

"Good, you know who we are then. You know the rules?" Demetri asked.

"The basic rule. We don't reveal what we are. We hide the secret. Destroy evidence. Don't let the humans learn about us. Do whatever we have too to do to avoid a visit from you."

Demetri chuckled and nodded approval. "Don't worry, you're not in trouble. You're very controlled for one so young. How old are you?"

I stuck to the back story I had discussed with Renee. They would find it odd if I didn't have a wound where I'd been bitten to be turned, but I did have a wound. The scar where James had bitten me was plain for all to see on my hand.

"About a year and a half," I lied.

"Who made you? Why are you alone?"

"James Witherdale. I was living in Phoenix, Arizona when he took me. He's dead. He liked to play games and crossed a more powerful coven. Victoria and I ran away, but she didn't want me around so we parted company."

"Victoria… Does she have flaming red hair?"

"Yes, Victoria Sutherland… Do you know her?"

"Yes, you remember her, don't you Felix." Demetri said, turning to his huge companion. "That coven in England Aro sent us to break up in what, 1550, 1560? He said they were keeping to many newborns. When Heidi joined us."

Felix shrugged. "She won't be looking you up anytime soon. You killed her sister."

I shuddered at their cavalier byplay, casually talking about some vampire they had killed and a coven broken up and scattered to the four winds.

"Why are you here if I haven't broken the rules?" I asked. I wanted to get this over with, one way or the other…

"We received reports that there might be an unattended newborn loose in this area. We came to investigate, but there weren't any of the usual signs of a rogue vampire. No sudden rise in unexplained deaths or violent crimes, but then we crossed your scent. We decided to stay to meet you and make sure you knew the rules. Obviously you do."

"So I'm free to go?"

"I just have a couple of questions."

"Ok…"

"Who is the human child that was riding with you in your truck?"

Shit! They had seen me with Elizabeth. They must have heard her heartbeat. That was good. It was best to try and stick as close to the truth as I could. I was a terrible liar, and I'd screw up if I tried to get too complicated.

"She's my daughter from when I was human."

"Does she know?"

"She's too little to understand."

"Why is she still with you? What are you planning to do with her? Obviously we don't expect you to hurt her, but doesn't she have family she can go to?"

"No, we're alone. When she's old enough, I'll turn her, but she's much too young now."

Demetri nodded gravely "You know the prohibitions against immortal children?"

"Of course!"

"Just so you're aware. This is highly irregular, but it isn't necessarily against the rules. It's allowed for a human to know as long as you intend to change them, but it usually happens within a relatively short span of time. You know you'll be held accountable if she reveals the secret before you can turn her?"

"Yes. Out of curiosity, just how young is too young?"

Demetri shrugged. "We're all about the blood. If she's old enough to bleed, she's old enough for us. The older she is, the easier it'll be for her to blend in. Generally anything under fifteen is frowned upon. How long do you plan to wait?"

"I was thinking eighteen. That's how old I was when I was turned, but I'll have to talk to her about it when she's older."

"Alright. Why were you buying up so much pigs blood? That's what alerted us in the first place."

"I was experimenting with it to supplement my diet. I wanted to see if it was better than deer blood."

Demetri studied my eyes and nodded. "You abstain from human blood? That's becoming more common among the younger generations. There are several large covens in the northwest that abstain, possibly one in upstate New York or New Hampshire as well. Of course your diet is your own business as long as you're reasonably discrete."

"Ok, I'll watch it with the pigs blood. It didn't work out anyhow."

"If you wouldn't mind indulging my curiosity then, why were you hunting these humans if you didn't want their blood?"

I shrugged. "They're drug dealers. Nobody was going to miss them. I wanted the money. It's easier to blend in if I can cover my expenses. That's not a problem, is it?"

"No, you're right of course. Robbing criminals for startup capital is fairly common among our kind, a lot of us started out the same way."

"Ok, well I suppose I should be finishing up here…" There still weren't any sirens, but I didn't want to stay here any longer than I had to.

"You're not planning on indulging?"

I shuddered and shook my head no.

"Do you mind if we partake then? I wouldn't presume to steal your kill, but if you like, we can clean up here so this doesn't go to waste."

"Ok… I'll just take what I came for and go then…" I stepped over and picked up the duffle bag full of money.

"Don't you want the drugs too?" Felix asked. "They're worth ten times what the cash is worth."

"No. I'm not a drug dealer, and I wouldn't have put it out on the street anyhow. I would have burned it or buried it if you hadn't come along. You can have them if you like."

Felix nodded and smiled for the first time since they'd arrived.

"Good luck, Bella," Demetri said as he moved to pick up Joker's unconscious body. "We'll be checking up on you to make sure you follow through with your plan for your daughter."

I nodded and took the money and ran.

I got back to the car and tossed the money in the backseat. I got in and drove. I just wanted to put distance between me and Demetri and Felix. How the hell had the goddamn Volturi found out about pig blood purchases in the middle of nowhere? We had spread the purchases around to avoid suspicion. How had Phil figured out we were buying pigs blood?

Renee had used her credit card. The Volturi must have checked the same records. My name wasn't on the credit card. Renee's was. Maybe they'd think I had stolen the credit card. Regardless, I didn't want us to be anywhere around here if they did more digging.

I got out my cell phone and called Phil.

"_Hello, Bella, Are you alright?_"

"I'm fine. The deal didn't go smooth, but I've got the money."

"_Are you coming home?_"

"No. There's a complication. I met our friends."

"_Friends?_" he asked, emphasizing the plural.

"Yeah. Get out now. Don't go through Rapid City. I don't think they're following, but I want some distance between us and them. We're heading east?"

"_Yeah…_"

"They don't have your numbers. Skirt south around the city and I'll meet you on I-90. Then we can decide our next move."

"_Ok, Bella, we're leaving now._"

I got on the interstate and started driving east. I wanted to push my foot down and floor it, but I knew that would just attract more attention. I didn't think they were following me, but if they were watching, I wanted them to follow me away from Phil and Renee and Elizabeth. I kept it under the speed limit and slowly cruised east. I stopped a couple of times and made wide circles around the car, but finally I was convinced nobody was following me.

I kept driving east on I90 until I got to Kadoka, and then pulled off the Interstate into the Americas Best Value Inn. I watched the highway and waited for Phil and Renee to catch up. I recognized the sound of the truck five miles away. I called Phil's number and told him where I was.

The truck pulled off the interstate and drove into the parking lot. They didn't get out so I got out and walked over to the truck. Renee was driving and Phil seemed to be very uncomfortable. It was hard for him to be so close to a city this soon, but Renee was holding up ok. Elizabeth was asleep in the seat belt between them.

"What happened, Bella?" Renee asked.

She didn't roll down the window, but I didn't have any trouble understanding her. I knew she'd be able to hear me too.

"It was the Volturi. That was the scent I picked up in Rapid City. It was Demetri and Felix from the Volturi guard. They tracked the credit card purchases for the pig blood, and came looking for an unattended newborn. I stuck to the story, but they saw me with Elizabeth in the truck. They think she's human. I told them I was going to turn her when she grows up."

"Did they believe you?"

I shrugged. "I think so. They said they'd be checking up on me to see if I follow through, but I told them I was gonna wait until she was eighteen, so we have some time before we have to worry about them showing up again."

"Do you think it's safe to stay here?" Phil asked.

"I'd like to put more distance between us if you can handle it. I could run this far in a couple of hours, and this is the only major highway east. I'd like to keep going to Sioux City, but it'll be light out before we get that far. There'll be more humans out then. We can stop in Chamberlain after we cross the river."

Phil nodded. "Ok, we'll follow you."

I got back on the interstate and we kept going east until we got to Chamberlain. I wanted to keep going, but it was still dark out in the pre-dawn hours. I knew Phil, Renée and Elizabeth needed to rest, and it would be harder on Phil and Renee once there were more people out and moving around. I pulled into a Super 8 motel, and went in and rented a room. I knew Phil was holding his breath when he walked in the side entrance, but he was being so strong. Renee was carrying Elizabeth. I took her and gave Renee the room key. Phil relaxed a little once we were in the room.

I took the time to count the money once we were settled into the room. There was two hundred and fifty thousand dollars in the duffle bag. That should keep us set up for a while, as long as we could figure out how to spend it without attracting a lot of attention. We couldn't just deposit it in the bank. Any deposit over ten thousand dollars had to be reported to the IRS, and besides, we'd need some way to account for how much money we had, but we could cross that bridge when we came to it.

We kept moving east into Northwest Iowa and stayed in motels and secluded camp grounds until Larry called me. I explained that I couldn't go back to Rapid City for a while, and we made arrangements for him to send me the papers. I trusted Larry, but it still felt wrong stuffing fourteen thousand dollars in cash into a FedEx overnight express envelope. Two days later I received a FedEx overnight express envelope at the hotel desk. I took it to the room, and all of our papers were in it.

I smashed my cell phone once the deal with Larry was done. Isabella Marie Swan was officially gone and my last tie to my old life was broken. I knew we had a long way to go still, but we had successfully disappeared. We could move on now and build new lives.

**Author's Note:**

I know some of you didn't want the Volturi to be in this story. Let me say up front that they aren't going to be as corrupt or power hungry in this story as they were in canon. They are still harsh and draconian, but they serve as the enforcers for the rules in the vampire world. Think of them as the cops, but they enforce their own set of rules for vampires, which has little to do with human laws.

Some of you are probably wondering why Bella would know so much about the Volturi, considering that the events in later chapters of _New Moon_ never happened in this AU. Edward only briefly mentioned them in the early chapters of _New Moon_, and that part of their conversation never happened in this story.

For purposes of the story, I'm assuming that Bella has had numerous conversations with many of the other members of the Cullen family over the course of her relationship with Edward. Probably including topics he would have been uncomfortable discussing with her himself like the existence and nature of the Volturi. They were together for seven months, the majority of which is not documented. It is during this period that Edward and Bella's relationship develops and matures, and Alice becomes her best friend. Jasper would want Bella to know exactly why it was so important for her to keep their secrets. He knows how dangerous breaking the rules is, and would have talked to her about them to insure Alice's safety.

If you liked this, please review and let me know what you think. Even if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear from you. I read all the reviews, even if I don't answer all of them. If you have questions, I try to answer then without giving away too much of the plot.


	11. Interlude or How Could I Be So Stupid?

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **EPOV (Edward) Edward finally gets to speak his piece. Alice may have a say later on. Bella will return later in the story.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 11 Interlude - or - How Could I Be So Stupid?

EPOV (Edward)

…_One touch of her skin wouldn't hurt her, my selfish side contended._

_I could easily moderate the pressure of my hand. It wasn't exactly difficult, as long as I was firmly in control of myself. My tactile sense was better developed than a human's; I could juggle a dozen crystal goblets without breaking any of them; I could stroke a soap bubble without popping it. As long as I was firmly in control…_

_Bella was like a soap bubble—fragile and ephemeral. __Temporary__._

_How long would I be able to justify my presence in her life? How much time did I have? Would I have another chance like this chance, like this moment, like this second?_

_She would not always be within my arm's reach…_

_It was difficult to pull my hand back, to stop myself from moving closer to her than I already was. A thousand different possibilities ran through my mind in an instant—a thousand different ways to touch her. The tip of my finger tracing the shape of her lips. My palm cupping under her chin. Pulling the clip from her hair and letting it spill out across my hand. My thumb stroking across her pebbled nipple as the swell of her breast filled my hand. My arms winding around her waist, holding her against the length of my body…_

-O-

…_I had protested when she reached for the buttons on my shirt, but she had quite effectively silenced me with her lips. Of course it was only fair that since she had removed my shirt that I should reciprocate. I didn't have the strength to object when she reached behind her back and opened the clasp on her brassiere. It was on the floor with our shirts now._

_I took a deep breath, concentrating for one moment on the burning thirst. Feeling it, managing it, proving my dominion over it. It would never control me again—I willed that to be true. I __would __be safe for her. I stared at the fog hazed windows without seeing them, wishing I could believe that my determination would make any difference if I were hunting when I crossed her scent._

_I shook my head in agony at the thought of what _would_—not what __could__, but what __would__—__surely happen then._

_I listened to the spike in her heartbeat, and then turned, restless, to read her eyes._

_Bella's face was composed, her eyes grave. Her mouth was pursed just slightly in what I guessed was concern. But concern for what? Her own safety? Or my anguish? I continued to stare at her, trying to translate her ambiguous expression into sure fact._

_She gazed back. Her eyes grew wider after a moment, and her pupils dilated, though the light had not changed._

_My breathing accelerated, and suddenly the quiet in the car seemed to be humming, just like in the darkened biology room this afternoon. The pulsing current raced between us again, and my desire to touch her __again was, briefly, stronger even than the demands of my thirst._

_The throbbing electricity made it feel like I had a pulse again. My body sang with it. Like I was human. More than anything in the world, I wanted to feel the heat of her lips against mine__ again. For one second, I struggled desperately to find the strength, the control, to again be able to put my mouth so close to her skin…_

_She sucked in a ragged breath, and only then did I realize that when I had started breathing faster, she had stopped breathing altogether.__ She reached out to me and gently cupped my cheek, her hot hand tracing fire across my skin, weakening my resolve. _

"_Did I do something wrong?" She asked._

_The rain softly pattered against the windows of the Volvo despite the tree cover creating a canopy over the deserted logging road we were parked on. How I had allowed her to talk me into this situation I would never fathom if I lived another five hundred years! I was acting every bit the hormone crazed seventeen year old that I appeared to be._

_The gear shift lever and center console had been in the way, so Bella had suggested that we might be more comfortable in the backseat while we talked. Lips had been involved, but we had been much too preoccupied with more urgent matters than simple conversation._

"_No… I needed a moment. I can't allow myself to hurt you… It would utterly destroy me if I let any harm come to you through my weakness…"_

"_You're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Let me show you…"_

_God help me, I had to have her. I could resist no longer. My lips crashed down onto hers again and I felt them part as my tongue slipped into her mouth._

_Her body was pressed to mine, the soft peaks of her breasts pressed against my chest as my arms enveloped her. My finger tips lightly traced up and down the bare skin along her spine as the hard pebbles of her nipples burned into my cold chest._

_It was heaven and hell mixed in equal parts as I skated along the razors edge of control, my intense desire for the physical intimacy Bella freely offered balanced against the burn of the thirst that demanded her blood. _

_The love we shared was the deciding factor as the throbbing electric current pulsed between us out of my chest into hers and back again. __I knew it for what it was now, but I didn't explain it to Bella. She would attempt to use the mating bond growing between us as ammunition in her campaign to have me change her. _

_I knew she could feel it just as strongly as I __did. I was content to allow her to believe it was the natural result of a pairing between human and vampire rather than something unique to our relationship._

_I broke the kiss, allowing her to suck in a ragged breath as she panted against my cheek. I planted tiny wet kisses along her jaw and kissed down the column of her neck. My lips came to rest on the pulse point in her throat as I tempted fate, lightly sucking on her sweet flesh._

_Her fingers tangled into my hair tugging my face back up to hers. She couldn't force me, but I moved willingly back to her lips as they crashed onto mine, molding to fit the curve of my lips._

_I let my fingertips trace across the hot silky flesh of her stomach as my hand inched up her body, moving between us. She moaned against my lips as my fingertips ghosted along the edge of her rib cage._

_I felt her shudder and gasp against my lips when my hand gently cupped her breast. My fingertips brushed across her pebbled nipple and I felt her groan into my mouth. _

_I started to back off… I didn't want to hurt her. "I'm sorry," I mumbled against her lips as my hand reluctantly moved off of her._

"_God don't stop! That was amazing, Edward! Please keep touching me…" her hand captured mine and pulled my hand back onto her breast. _

_Emboldened by the obvious pleasure she felt at my touch, I gently massaged her breast whilst my fingers carefully tweaked her nipple. I stifled her moans when I slipped my tongue between her lips, deepening our kiss._

_Bella's hands ghosted over my body sending tiny electric shocks coursing through my flesh wherever she touched. Her hands traced up and down my stomach, and then dropped to the snap on the front of my jeans. The snap popped open and I felt her fingers searching for the brass tab on my fly._

_I broke the kiss, and my hand settled onto hers, stilling her fingers. "Bella, stop… What are you doing?"_

_She was panting against my cheek, her hot warm breath washing over me. The car was awash in her scent, and I could smell the arousal pooling between her legs. Heat radiated off her body like the noon day sun._

"_I want to touch you, Edward." Her small hand stroked my erection through the fabric of my jeans and then gripped me through the intervening layers of cloth._

_My breath hissed between my teeth at the intensity of the feeling. "Bella," I gasped, "I'm only so strong, love…"_

"_You won't hurt me. I know you won't. I love you, Edward. I trust you." Her fingers gripped the brass tab again and I let her pull it down. _

_She was__ tugging at the waist band of my jeans. "A little help here? Lift up, Edward…" I raised my hips for her, and she jerked down my jeans and boxer briefs in one motion and pushed them down to my knees._

_I moaned when her hands wrapped around my erection, firmly gripping me as she stroked up and down my length. She was inquisitive and explored my body as her hands moved on me, touching my most intimate and sensitive places. She cupped my balls in one hand and hefted their weight before gently massaging and probing._

_She kissed down my neck and nuzzled into me before her lips moved against my ear. "Is this alright, Edward? Do you like it?" I realized my eyes were pinched tightly shut as I gasped and moaned at her every touch._

"_God yes, Bella… I love you so much…, this is incredible."_

"_You know…, you can touch me too. It's only fair since you let me touch you…" Her hand captured mine and moved it onto the button on the front of her jeans. I felt it pull open under my fingers, first one and then the next..._

"_Just how many bases were you planning to get to tonight?" I asked as I eased her jeans down over her hips. She kicked her pants off onto the floor and was sitting beside me in just her panties now._

"_You're the base runner… how far do you want to go tonight? I won't tell you no, Edward… She scooted up onto her knees beside me, and then settled comfortably against my body. Her hot hand stroked my erection as she stared into my eyes with complete trust._

"_Perhaps this is far enough for tonight," I said as my hand traced up the creamy flesh on the inside of her bare thigh._

"_Touch me, Edward… I need to feel you…" she gasped._

_My hand slipped under the elastic band on her panties. My fingers grazed through the sparse curls between her legs, cupping her sex, stroking her. I looked at her, and her eyes were pinched tightly closed now. Her lower lip was caught between her teeth as she bit down on it…_

"_Bella… Look at me." Her eyes snapped open and I stared deeply into her eyes. Her pupils were dilated and got wider as she looked deeply into my eyes. Her breath was coming in little gasps now as my hand moved on her._

_My fingers moved lower, dragging her panties down with the motion. My middle finger dipped into the sodden inferno. She was slippery with arousal as I explored the moist heat between her legs._

_I found the tiny nub of her clitoris, and my fingers circled it and teased it erect with her slippery juices. Her breath was ragged as she panted against my shoulder. My fingers slipped back to her opening, and I pushed my fingertip into her as my thumb stroked her clitoris._

_God, she was so hot and tight and slippery wet. I worked my finger deeper into her as I stroked back and forth while my thumb stroked her sensitive nub._

_She gave a strangled cry and her eyes rolled back in her head as she clenched around my finger pressed deep inside her now. Her clitoris was throbbing under my thumb as she panted against my body and gripped the shaft of my cock tight like it was her lifeline…_

-O-

…_She was standing in the middle of her bedroom, __shopping bags still gripped in her hands after climbing the stairs. She didn't look to much the worse for wear. Alice must have been gentle with her._

"_I got you a surprise," she said without turning to acknowledge my presence, already aware that I was in the room simply by the throbbing electricity that snapped between us whenever we were in close proximity._

"_What kind of surprise?" I asked as I stepped behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her body back against mine. My lips planted small kisses along her jaw back to the hollow beneath her ear. Her body molded to mine as she wriggled against me and gave a soft moan._

"_Stop that…" she complained playfully, without conviction, and then she stepped away. I allowed her to go for the time being. "Now come open your present and you can help me put it on. If you're a good boy, I'll even let you try it out."_

"_Is it something you wear?" I asked. The bag she handed me seemed utterly too big and bulky for anything I intended to see her wearing in the next couple of hours._

_She just smiled and nodded to the bag._

_I opened the bag. "A blanket?" This had possibilities. "Will you be wearing anything else with your blanket?"_

"_Some sheets, most likely a smile. It's an electric blanket for the bed. It'll keep me warm so you can stay under the covers with me at night. Now come help me put it on…"_

_I had the bed stripped and the blanket out of the package before she could finish her statement. It took a couple of minutes to arrange the wiring for the dual heat controls, and then Bella was helping me smooth the comforter._

"_Now, you mentioned allowing me to try it out…" I reached for her and pulled her back into my arms. "You're wearing entirely too much more than just that smile you promised."_

_Her lips twisted into a licentious grin. "One smile taken care of. I suppose I'll leave the rest of the unwrapping up to you. It is your present after all…"_

_I silenced her with a kiss as my lips covered hers, plundering her mouth as my hand reached for the button on her jeans…_

-O-

…_My hand was tingling. I flexed it and then curled it into a fist, but it continued to sting painlessly._

_No, I hadn't hurt her—but touching her had still been a mistake._

_It felt like fire—like the thirsting burn of my throat had spread throughout my entire body._

_The next time I was close to her, would I be able to stop myself from touching her again? And if I touched her once, would I be able to stop at that?_

_No more mistakes. That was it. __Savor the memory, Edward, __I told myself grimly, __and keep your hands to yourself__. That, or I would have to force myself to leave…somehow. Because I couldn't allow myself near her if I insisted on making errors._

_I took a deep breath and tried to steady my thoughts…_

-O-

…_I ghosted out of the trees and across the yard. _

_It was dark out and most of the minds in the vicinity were lost in the gentle rhythms of the dreams that filled their sleep. I soundlessly touched the wall twice as I redirected my momentum and silently moved up to the second story window sill. I had taken the precaution of insuring that the sash was well oiled and the window slid open with the light hiss of plastic on aluminum._

_I pushed the window closed as I stepped through into the room. It wasn't exceedingly cold out, but there was a light summer rain and it would wet the floor inside if I left it open._

"_Charlie's still awake…" Bella spoke from the bed where she was reclining under the covers. The room was dark, but I knew she could feel the electricity throbbing between us the second I entered the room._

"_The ballgame is almost over__ and the Mariner's are winning. He was thinking about going to bed half an hour ago, but he dozed off. He'll be asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow."_

"_You don't know that… You said his thoughts were cloudy, that he was difficult to hear…"_

"_Would you prefer that I leave? I can return when you are less apprehensive…"_

"_No… Don't leave… Come here…, but you're going to have to be quiet…"_

_Bella threw back the covers and her scent hit me like a wrecking ball as it wafted towards me in a blast of heated air from between the sheets. The scent of her arousal was immediately apparent and I could sense the heat and moisture pooling at the apex of her hips._

_I was going to have to do something nice for Alice. She'd finally broken down Bella's shopping aversion and they'd spent a considerable amount of time at Victoria's Secret on their last trip to the mall in Seattle. _

_Bella was wearing a blue lace baby doll nighty and matching __panties. My breath hissed between my teeth and a low growl rumbled in my chest. It was a most enticing erotic scene as she lay invitingly on her rumpled bed with her hand disappearing inside her panty, buried between her legs. _

_I knew my eyes had to be pitch black, but not with bloodlust. A very different kind of lust boiled through my body now as I stepped towards the bed._

"_You started without me…" I admonished in a husky tone of voice, startled but aroused by her erotic pose. I knew at once that I was too loud…_

_Charlie had heard something, but he dismissed it and focused on the game._

"_Shhh…" Bella shushed at me fiercely as I reached for the buttons on my shirt. "I said you had to be quiet!" She whispered to me louder than she had too._

"_Your father will never know I was here, love. Will you be able to restrain yourself sufficiently?" I asked as I kicked off my shoes under the bed and pushed down my pants and boxers all at once. _

_Now Bella's sucked air in between her teeth in a hiss. Her breath was coming in little gasps and her eyes were hooded with arousal as she reached for me._

_I slipped past her into the bed, naked between the sheets and she pulled the covers over us as I gathered her into my arms._

_She was kissing my face, my eyes, my cheek, the line of my jaw, and then her lips crashed onto mine as she found my mouth. Her tongue traced along my bottom lip, begging for entry and I let my lips part as the tip of my tongue swirled around hers._

_The kiss deepened and became more passionate as her arms snaked around my neck and her fingers tangled into my hair, pulling herself tighter against me. My tongue was in her mouth dancing with hers as they swirled and explored._

_My hands were busy exploring Bella's body as they traced up and down her spine, raising her nighty to expose the exquisitely silky flesh beneath. _

_They slipped down to the perfect curves of her bottom, gently massaging, pulling her body against mine, and then they slipped into the elastic waistband of her panties._

_The __panties had served their intended purpose, and now they were just in the way. Bella moaned against my lips as I worked them down off of her bottom, and then she raised her hips to let me pull them down her legs and off over her feet._

_My hands traced up her legs, stroking the creamy flesh on the insides of her thighs as I spread her legs._

_My hand came to rest on the mound at the apex of her hips as I cupped her sex and gently massaged. My other hand continued up her body under the nighty to cup her breast as my thumb stroked her pebbled nipple._

_Bella let go of my hair and her hand traced down my chest and across my stomach. It continued south between my legs and she wrapped her hand around my throbbing erection._

_She moaned against my lips again as her hand explored my length. I gasped as she slid the fore skin back off of the sensitive bulbous head and her thumb captured the drop of pre-cum lubrication and stroked it across the head of my cock._

_My hand had slipped lower between her legs and my fingers had parted her folds. I was rhythmically stroking the length of her sex, and then my fingertip circled her clit._

_She groaned loud as my finger stroked across the throbbing sensitive bundle of nerves. It was erect and poking out of its hood as my hand moved on her slippery wet sex._

"_Shhh…" I cautioned. "Charlie's still awake. He'll be in bed in another couple of minutes. Press your face into the pillow if you have to make noise love…"_

"_I want you, Edward…" Bella moaned against my ear. "I need more than your hand… I want to feel you inside me…"_

"_Shhh… Love…" I spoke with my lips touching her ear while my fingers continued slip through her slippery sex. "You know we can't do that love. I can make you feel good without going all the way… This is far enough…"_

"_No it isn't, Edward. I need you… I need to feel you… Please, Edward… I want feel complete…"_

"_You are an incorrigible little minx, but I will not be relieving you of what remains of your virtue until you are either a legal adult or my wife."_

_Bella shuddered, and I knew it was a reaction to the word 'wife', __and not my ministrations to her nether regions. "This is the twenty-first century, Edward. Do you have any idea how few virgins there are in my class at school?"_

"_I probably have a better idea of the actual facts than you do. You are far from being the last virgin standing at Forks high school, but that's beside the point. There are a lot of things we have __yet to __try without the necessity of relieving you of the remnants of the burden of your unwanted virtue."_

"_That sounds interesting. Are you sure?" Her hand tightened on the head on my cock as she gripped me as tightly as she could. She stroked the head rapidly within her fiery grip._

_My breath hissed between my teeth and I growled again at the explosion of pleasurable sensation that shot through my body. I almost gave in to her desire, but I held to my resolve._

"_Incorrigible little minx… I'm sure…" I said as I started to slide down the bed. My head ducked under the covers and my cock slipped out of her grip as I moved too low for her to reach._

_I pushed her nighty up onto her shoulders as my lips captured her nipple and my tongue swirled around her heated flesh. _

_I heard her gasp and her back arched off the bed as she pressed her chest more firmly into me. I could feel the electric current practically arcing between us as the energy throbbed out her chest through her nipples and pulled me against her body like a magnet._

_I slid lower planting kisses down her rib cage and across her flat belly trailing sparks of electricity as the throbbing energy that bound us together followed the point of contact. My tongue dipped into her belly button and she gasped louder as the jolt of energy rocked through her body._

_I moved lower still as I nuzzled her body, licking and caressing. My nose traced across the top of her pelvis from hip bone to hip bone as my tongue darted out tasting her flesh._

_She was moaning louder now. This was going to get out of hand any if she didn't calm down…_

_I moved lower still. My nose grazed through her neatly trimmed pubic hair. Thank god for Alice and her spa days and bikini wax…_

_My hands were behind her knees, lifting them and spreading her thighs as my tongue dipped into her moist heat. It pressed flat against her sex, slithering between the folds as I lapped at her…_

_She groaned loud before she could push her face into the pillow…_

_God __Damn it!_

"_Bella! Charlie's coming. Relax and act normal." I quickly whispered into her ear as I moved up the bed over her. Then I was gone, collecting my clothing as I moved out of sight._

_There was a soft knock on the door, and then I could see it was pushing open from my vantage point in the closet._

"_Bella? Are you ok? I thought I heard…" He was reaching for the light switch as he spoke._

_Suddenly the room was bathed in bright white light._

"_Dad! Get out!" Bella yelled. Her face was flushed and she was still panting. Thank god she was covered and had the blankets pulled up to her chest. The rumpled nighty was bunched up around her neck and shoulders and it was obvious nothing covered her under the sheets._

_Charlie might be human but even he could smell the scent of arousal and raw sex wafting off the bed and filling the room like pungent perfume. The only saving grace was that there were only girl smells present._

_Charlie turned bright red and looked down, not meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry… I thought I heard…"_

"_Dad, get out… Please… I'm fine… I was just having some private alone time…"_

"_Alone__?" His eyes darkened slightly as they focused on something on the floor so he wouldn't look at Bella._

_Her eyes looked down at the floor too. "Yes alone…" She said in a slightly challenging tone. "Please leave, dad…"_

_I saw Charlie's eyes glance in the direction of the closet without actually turning his head. He was teetering on the brink of stepping into the room to look. Then he decided he didn't want to know._

"_Fine, sorry, Bells. It's been a long day. Good night." He shut off the light and closed the door. _

_I waited until I heard his bedroom door close behind him before I stepped out of the closet. I looked down at the floor to see what they had been looking at._

_One of my shoes was poking halfway out from under the bed with Bella's panties draped over it. I must have missed it in the heat of the moment._

"_I'm sorry, Bella. That had to be terribly embarrassing for you… I'll go now…"_

"_Shut up and get back in here. I'm not through with you yet, Mister. You're going to finish what you started…"_

"_But Charlie…"_

"_Is he coming back?"_

"_No… He's in bed…"_

"_Then I suggest you follow his example…"_

"_You are an incorrigible little minx…" I said as I slid back into bed with Bella._

"_I know. Now get on with what you were doing… Then it's my turn…"_

-O-

…_We were standing in the forest on the path behind Bella's home. Her father would be home soon and I had to be away from this place. I had just uttered the blackest of lies and it tore at __that empty place where my soul would reside were I to have one to see the belief and conviction that I had spoken the truth so plain in her eyes. She accepted my vile heresy as fact._

_I took a step away from her. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."_

_I had done it – I had made the break – why couldn't I move? I was rooted to the spot unable to __stir, and then Bella spoke._

_"Alice isn't coming back."_

_The words were so quiet–as though her lips moved without sound–but I understood._

_I shook my head slowly, carefully watching her face.__ "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."_

_"Alice is gone?" Her voice was blank with disbelief._

_"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."_

_She appeared__ dizzy; unstable on her feet. I was afraid she would collapse and then I would be unable to leave. This was the hardest thing I had ever done, and if she fell I knew I wouldn't be able to leave._

_She took a breath with a look of intense concentration and seemed to settle herself. I felt a mild relief; she was strong, she would pull through this. She was human and she would heal from this pain I inflicted upon her._

_"Goodbye, Bella," __I said quietly, trying to keep my voice peaceful so I wouldn't further upset her._

_"Wait!" __The plea choked out of her painfully. She was reaching for me, trying to stumble forward towards me._

_I reach__ed for her, too. To restrain her and prevent her from falling; my hands locked around her wrists and pinned them to her sides. I leaned down, and pressed my lips very lightly to her forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed._

_"Take care of yourself," __I breathed against her hot skin._

_I forced myself to leave, to move away into the forest, lost to __sight before I stopped to look back. Her eyes flashed open. The leaves on a small vine maple still shuddered with the gentle wind of my passage. Her lips parted to call my name as she stumbled forward but I was already gone before her foot touched the forest floor. _

_I ran._

_This was what was best for Bella… It was the only way._

_I could not allow her to cling to the belief that I was worthy of trading her mortal life for this vile half-life that was my existence. I would not drag her down into hell with me simply to ease my own passage into eternal damnation. She deserved a human life free from my presence._

_Bella's existence was tied to a thousand delicately balanced chemical processes, all so easily disrupted. The rhythmic expansion of her lungs, the flow of oxygen, was life or death to her. The fluttering cadence of her fragile heart could be stopped by so many stupid accidents or illnesses or…by me._

_I did not believe that any member of my family would hesitate if he or she were offered a chance back—if he or she could trade immortality for mortality again. Any one of us would stand in fire for it. Burn for as many days or centuries as were necessary._

_Most of our kind prized immortality above anything else. There were humans who craved this, who searched in dark places for those who could give them the blackest of gifts…_

_Not us. Not my family. We would trade anything to be human.__ She deserved to live her human life without further interference from me. I had been selfish enough to last an eternity, accepting the intimacy she offered, stealing her virtue like the lecherous cad I had become. She deserved better._

_I forced myself to turn, to move away from her. My body moved stiffly— unwilling._

_I let my mind linger behind to watch her as I ran swiftly away, running from the temptation…_

-O-

I lay writhing in agony on the dirt floor of the hut. The memories played through my mind continuously as I replayed every instant of that brief period in my existence where I had allowed myself to experience the delusion of happiness. It was not a physical pain that tormented me. If I still had a soul, as Bella had adamantly insisted, it had most certainly been ripped from my body and I had left it the forest behind Bella's house in Forks, Washington that day when I left her in the forest.

The delusion of happiness was gone. Vanished like the ephemeral wisp of a soap bubble cast adrift on the wind of misfortune only to collapse and implode when faced with the certainty of the world I existed in. Remorse, guilt, shame, regret, sorrow, those were my world outside the reality of my memories.

That was my reality now as my mind clung to that all too brief period in my existence when I had allowed Bella to be near and dear to me. I existed outside of time as I savored what had been and wallowed in an endlessly replayed loop of the memories I had created during those months with the girl I had allowed myself to love…

How had I allowed myself to come to this end? Was this to be the culmination of my long journey? Was this to be my fate? My mind cast back over the endless months as I reviewed mistake after mistake that had brought me to this final destiny…

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i

September 2001

California

When I left Bella in the forest on that September afternoon, I did so to preserve her life. She was the light of my existence. My one and only true soul mate, and in recognizing that fact, I knew I had to leave her. I would willingly sacrifice all that I was to allow her to live out her normal human life. My happiness was secondary to the imperative that Bella must remain human. I could not allow her to be damned to this half-life existence that I was hopelessly obligated to endure, and I knew with every fiber of my being that she would surely die if we continued as we had.

My goal in life, my singular purpose was to keep her safe. There was one more necessary task I knew I was required to perform to make her safe and insure her mortal existence. I had saved her from James last March in Phoenix, but James had not acted alone. His companion had returned.

Victoria Sutherland was back. Alice had seen her returning to Seattle but she was being cautious. She was making inquires and studying the situation. She knew we were too powerful for her to act alone. This decision of Victoria's had played a part in my decision to send the others away.

I hadn't had to warn Alice not to tell the others. She knew what I was planning. The rest of the family could go on with their existence none the wiser, but I was going to track Victoria and deal with her personally. I knew she was back for revenge. I had destroyed her James after all, and it stood to reason that she would want her revenge.

I knew why Victoria would want revenge. She considered James to be her mate, but it had been a one sided relationship. James had never allowed himself to bond to her. I knew that Victoria had been more emotionally invested in the pairing than James had ever allowed himself to become. Victoria had simply been convenient for James to keep around.

Their relationship had begun with Victoria as the target of one of James twisted games. She was the target of his hunt and had led him on a merry chase for months. After a time, he had come to the conclusion that she was worth more as an ally than as a diversion to satisfy his predatory urges. He had proposed a truce and then an alliance as he began a new game to win her trust and eventually her love as their relationship had grown more intimate. But James had never truly loved her. I had seen it in his mind.

The fact that James didn't love her didn't matter to Victoria. She refused to believe it and had taken it into her head to avenge him. Unfortunately something of James twisted nature and the desire to play games had rubbed off on by Victoria as well. She would happily destroy Bella to make me suffer. She did not realize I would only allow myself to exist long enough to destroy her, should anything happen to Bella. I could not allow that to happen. Victoria had to die.

I went to Seattle to search for Victoria, but was surprised by the extent of the vampire scent rife in the city. Not mature vampires, but newborns. Their scent was prevalent wherever I tracked Victoria's scent. Not so many as to raise a general sense of alarm, but enough that it would prove difficult to contain them. They're numbers almost gave me second thoughts about my plan.

If Victoria was stupid enough to create a large number of newborns, she would surely lose control and attract the attention of the Volturi. They would deal with her, and I could spend the rest of my days observing Bella from a safe distance and keep her out of harm's way while she lived out her human life.

But I knew better than to leave this to chance. What if Victoria did manage to control these newborns and tried to use them to attack Forks? My initial plan was still the best course of action. I would kill Victoria, and cut off the head of the snake, so to speak. I didn't want the Volturi Involved, but if worst came to worst, they could deal with the newborns, and there would be no reason for them to associate them with Bella or Forks.

I took to the rooftops and dark alleys of the city to study Victoria's habits and got closer, spending my nights tracking her movements, looking for an opportunity. I found their hiding places, seeking out their minds from afar, but I did not think my approach was close enough to make them aware of my presence. I studied the minds of her closest minions from afar to glean some clue as to Victoria's habits and where and when the best time to strike at her would occur.

Damn!

I was found out! Victoria was already aware of my presence and was fleeing. She was easily as comfortable in the modern world as myself and my family. She was already on her way to the airport according to her lackey in Seattle.

I was off of the rooftops and back to the Volvo in minutes. I drove directly to the long term parking and then ran to the terminal building. It was twilight and there were no humans to see me, but I had to slow to a human pace once I was within range of the surveillance cameras.

There was still heightened security in all of the airports and it was slightly unnerving to see armed National Guard troops in the airport terminal carrying loaded combat rifles. I expected it in third world countries, but this was America. It had never been necessary since the Second World War, and there hadn't been any international airports then. There had been troops in the ports and railway stations, but for the most part they had been waiting for transport like the rest of us. You couldn't hijack a train or a ship and simply fly it into a city like bomb the way you could with a jet full of fuel.

I caught Victoria's scent as soon as I stepped into the terminal, but I knew I was too late unless I was extremely lucky. The track was old and I couldn't hear her thoughts in the terminal building. If she was still here, then she was likely already on a plane.

I followed the scent trail to the Southwest terminal, and then had to wait in an endless queue despite the lateness of the hour. I scanned the minds of the people working at the terminal, but none of them recalled Victoria. I was expecting as much, but I was prepared. I could only read the surface thoughts in their minds, their internal voice so to speak. I couldn't delve beneath the surface and look into their memories or the darker recesses of the mind. In order for them to provide the information I needed, they had to be thinking about it.

Esme had taken some fairly clear photographs of Victoria with a telephoto lens last march when she and Rosalie had been protecting Charlie Swan in Forks. It was our standing practice in cases like this where the safety of our family was concerned. We never knew when we might need them in exactly such a situation as this and it was better to have them than not. I could have drawn a clearer, more detailed picture from memory, but modern humans were more comfortable dealing with photographs. They would discount the accuracy of a drawing and assume inaccuracies due to the artist's skill or bias.

Finally it was my turn and I stepped up to the counter. The clerk smiled at me. It was always the same. Wanton desire tempered by the knowledge that I was too young.

"Welcome to Southwest Airlines. Can I help you tonight?"

"Perhaps, I seem to have been separated from my travel companion. Have you seen this woman?" I produced the photograph of Victoria.

She recognized her. She had helped her earlier in the evening. I memorized the details of her itinerary as they flashed through her minds eye.

"I'm sorry, but we're not allowed to provide any customer information with out proper authorization. If you'd like to see one of our Customer Service Specialists, I'm sure they can help you try to find your friend…"

"No, it's not important. I'll just continue on to our next destination. I was simply hoping to catch up to her here. I'd like to book passage on the next available flight to Los Angeles, California. First class please, if possible, or any seating available for the next soonest flight."

"Of course, may I see your ID Mr.…?"

"Cullen, Edward Cullen." I said as I took out my wallet and handed her my ID and black anodized aluminum credit card. The wallet I'd removed it from had cost more than the price of the airline ticket. Her demeanor changed and became instantly more respectful when she took the black card. It was a status symbol and a mark of wealth. It was sad but still true, money talks.

"Yes, Sir, Mr. Cullen, Sir. The first available flight departs SeaTac at nine fifteen and arrives at LAX at eleven fifty-three. There is first class seating available."

Damn!

I was better than two hours behind her! Victoria's flight had left at six forty. She would be arriving in LA almost as my flight took off. All I could do was follow. She could double back or disappear, but I had to try. I was so close…

"I'll take it." If the trail went cold then I'd simply have to return and await my next opportunity.

At least the flight would arrive under cover of darkness and I wouldn't be trapped by the sun inside the airport until nightfall.

"Do you have any bags to check?" Obviously I hadn't carried any to the counter, but it was her job to ask.

"No luggage… Just a carryon bag."

I didn't have one yet, but I would by the time the plane boarded. It would help me fit in and security would think it was odd if I didn't bring anything at all with me. I signed the necessary forms and the clerk printed out my boarding pass. She handed it to me and I thanked her and left.

I used the black credit card again to gain access to the exclusive president's lounge. I didn't need a drink or access to the entertainment or business services offered, but there were several other privileges I would take advantage of.

I went to the business counter and made arrangements to have a fast rental car waiting for me at the airport when I arrived. By settling the details now while I was waiting for my flight, I could shave minutes off of my departure from the airport and hopefully minimize Victoria's lead. Assuming I could pick up her trail once I got to LA.

Another of the perks provided was expedited security processing into the main terminal concourse. There was a minimum of hassle and no nonsense about pat downs or physical searches. The security check amounted to walking through a metal detector and I was free to go about my business. There were minimum net worth and purchase activity requirements to qualify for a black card, and the people that were entitled to carry them were unlikely to be terrorists or hijackers. The criteria to enter the president's lounge were tougher than the security checks mandated by Homeland Security for the general populous to enter the airport.

Once I was through security, I went to a luggage shop and purchased a carryon bag with straps that I could adjust to use as a backpack. Next I went to a men's store and purchased a couple of shirts and pairs of pants, a change of under garments and appropriate toiletries. I found a hat, light leather driving gloves and purchased a pair of dark glasses as well. I had always been fond of hats, and had mourned when they had gone out of fashion as men's wear. I was already wearing an appropriately long light trench coat. I was traveling into the south and I might need them to avoid the sun. The carryon and personal items would allow me to fit in and look like I was traveling light. I wasn't completely a façade; I was traveling light and fast.

The wait in the seating area and the subsequent flight were interminable agony. I simply had too much time on my hands without the option of productive activity. I was forced to deal with the consequences of the events I had set in motion by ending my relationship with Bella.

Agony ripped through me with the memory of her face.

My love… My life… My Bella…

Her name sent another wave of torture through me. I wanted to shake my head, frantic, desperate to escape the pain, but the other passengers would think me a madman. I was forced to sit stoically and endure as the memories washed over me and through me.

The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before while I was active and in motion with a purpose now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under as I was engulfed in the sea of pain.

I would have willingly welcomed actual physical pain in exchange for the remorse, guilt and shame that tore at my chest and ripped the unbeating heart from my body.

A useless organ to begin with for the better part of ninety years, I could not believe that it's absence could be filled with so much regret and sorrow, but my chest ached and pulsed with white hot agony. The edges of the hole in my chest raw and bleeding where the offending organ had once resided, I felt as though a massive gaping wound had been punched through the center of my chest.

It was with a profound sense of relief that I greeted my arrival in LA as the wheels touched down upon the tarmac. I was antsy and actually fidgeted as I was forced to endure the plane taxiing up to the terminal. I already had my seatbelt undone and was ready to bolt off the aircraft, but reason prevailed and I was circumspect in my exit, maintaining appearances.

I scanned the terminal for the telltale signs of Victoria's mind as I made my way through the terminal building. Her thoughts were not in range, but I picked up her scent as I approached the rental car counters. I followed he scent up to a counter, and showed the bored agent her picture. He wasn't forth coming with information, but I picked the make, model and license number of the car she had rented out of his mind. It was unlikely that she told the truth, but she had purchased a one-way rental and had given an address in Riverside as the pick-up location.

I met with the agent for my rental car and collected the keys. Victoria's scent still lingered in the warm night air as I tossed in my bag and slid into the driver seat. I punched the address into the navigation system and then pushed my foot down on the gas pedal as I burned rubber out of the drop off loop outside the terminal building.

Driving in an automobile would erase the track of her scent as surely as if she had vanished or evaporated into thin air. My only hope of finding her now was the faint chance that I could pick up her scent near the address in Riverside. Beyond the microscopic possibility that I might touch her mind and renew contact with her this chase was rapidly approaching its end. If I lost the trail, I would be forced to return to Forks to insure that Victoria did not return and molest Bella in my absence.

It was still too early in the night to push my foot down to the floor and drive the way I wanted too. There were still too many cars on the freeway within the closely packed masses of humanity in this city that never slept. Still, I exceeded the posted speed limits to the extent possible in the sure knowledge that I would not be observed by law enforcement and be delayed by a speeding ticket.

I slowed as I approached the house in Riverside. I didn't want to raise suspicion and it was still in the early hours of morning, more hours yet until the dawn of another day. It would likely be sunny and I would need to seek shelter from the sun soon.

Beyond all reason I spied the very rental car that I knew Victoria had driven from the airport. It was parked at the curb in front of the house that she had given the address for. The thought crossed my mind that this could be some sort of elaborate trap, but I discounted the possibility. She wasn't that smart.

I parked a block away on a side street and got out of the car to investigate. I took the bag with me on the off chance that I wouldn't be returning to the car and began my approach to the house. A quick scan of the neighborhood reassured me that I was not observed. I scanned the house and listened intently. I knew it was vacant. There were no thoughts or heartbeats present within the structure.

I didn't want to be obvious in my entry and slipped into the back yard of the property. The yard was awash in Victoria's scent. She had spent time here often and possibly for days at a time. I wanted to try and track the scent away from the house, but first I had to know. I had a suspicion what I would find, but I went to the back door and checked it. The door was locked, but I gripped the knob and twisted. I felt the lock shred with a metallic groan under irresistible force and the knob turned in my hand.

I pushed the door open and stepped inside, closing the door behind me. Victoria's scent was stronger inside, but it overlaid a sickly sweet stench of death and decay. The scent was not oppressive, and I doubted the neighbors would notice. The living room looked like the living room in an ordinary suburban house. The kitchen and dining room appeared ordinary enough and the cabinets and refrigerator were even stocked with food. I followed the scent of decay down the hallway.

My enhanced eyesight picked out the ring of clear packing tape that sealed the doorway at the end of the hall. It would take effort to open that door, and it was effectively hermetically sealed. I was sure the windows and vents inside the room were just as effectively sealed off.

I turned to the door on my right, the nearer bedroom door. There was no tape… My hand found the door knob and pushed the door open. Curiously large shapes wrapped in the dark black plastic of garbage bags greeted my eyes. The nearest one still radiated heat… I stepped closer and tore open the black plastic bag.

Not shapes any longer, I realized what this was. They were bodies sealed in black plastic garbage bags. I had been concerned that this was a nest or hiding place. It was so much worse. This was an Abattoir…a slaughterhouse for Victoria's victims. There were half a dozen plastic shrouded bodies in this room alone.

I examined the corpse before me dispassionately. It was male, mid to early thirties, brown hair, relatively good looking. He was wearing a flight attendants uniform. Victoria had likely picked him up at the airport and invited him home for a drink. The bite mark in his throat and exsanguination were the obvious cause of death. The body was still warm and rigor mortise hadn't set in yet. Based on my medical training and an unfortunate degree of personal experience with this sort of thing, I estimated he'd been dead for less than thirty minutes. I was getting closer.

I left the house and rushed back out into the yard. The car was still here and the rental agency was scheduled to pick it up. I circled the house and picked up a scent track leading away east over the fence. I followed the trail. I could travel faster on foot without the car, and now she'd leave a scent trail that I could follow.

I briefly considered simply picking up the phone and dialing 911, but I knew deep down that I couldn't simply expose something like this. It was too easily connected to the true nature of what we were. It would horrify human sensibilities. If I used my cell phone to call, it would tie me to the discovery personally, and then this particular identity would be lost to me forever. If there was phone service at the house I could have called and left an anonymous tip, but I'd still have to deal with the Volturi if they ever found out it was me that had made the call.

Once Victoria was dead, I would have to clean it up myself. It was sloppy and lazy of her to allow the bodies to accumulate in the first place, but I suppose she had been busy, spending so much time in Seattle. At least she was spreading her hunting around so it didn't look too obvious. Maybe she thought I'd be stupid and report the nest, and then she'd have an excuse to involve the Volturi to hunt me down.

Victoria's scent track ran almost due east and roughly followed the path of Interstate 10. I wondered why she had flown into LAX if her nest was in Riverside, and now I was apparently following her towards Palm Springs. There were airports in both of those locations. I suppose it made sense to fly into different airports if she made it a habit of picking up her meals after a flight. She'd want to spread them around, but if she knew I was following her, why was she being so casual about all of this? It was almost like she knew I was following her and she wanted me to chase her.

Perhaps I'd have an opportunity to ask her before I tore her head off. I was faster than her; it was only a matter of time. The track turned southeast as she led me out into the desert east of Thousand Palms. It was almost dawn, and I'd have to find shelter soon to hide from the sun. It would be much too sunny to move around outside in the bright sunshine and there was no forest to hide in. My fears were confirmed when the track continued southeast and I knew we were approaching civilization again.

I was getting close. I was able to make out flashes of thought that I knew were a vampire mind. Closer and I knew it was Victoria. So close as I flew along the scent track, but then the sun broke over the horizon to the east with the dawn. My exposed skin burst into rainbow sparkles. I needed cover, and I needed it now. I could feel the minds around me stirring, and it was only a matter of minutes before I'd be seen.

I was following the scent track through irrigated spice field, the crops of fresh herbs fragrant around me. There was a large warehouse like structure ahead of me. A machine shed or drying plant… I could smell the scent of processed spice from the structure. It was empty of human minds. I ducked inside into the dark shadows of the building.

I could still sense Victoria's mind. She was ahead of me but deeper into the city. She had gone to ground to avoid the sun but she was surrounded by humans. I could leave and run out into the desert. My path was clear and I could escape with out being seen, but then I'd lose Victoria. I couldn't get to her without exposing myself.

"_Hello Edward. Are you enjoying our little game? I always enjoyed a good game of tag._"

Damn!

Victoria knew I was following her, and she apparently knew I could read her mind.

"_Do you think you can catch me? Nobody has in four hundred years. Not even James and he caught your little human pet. Let's see just how good you are._"

This arrogant bitch had met her match. I would catch her and then watch her burn like James.

"_You know, you really should have turned her if you love her. Then I'd only be focused on you. If I kill you, your torment ends and she's simply the icing on the cake. But if I kill her, your torment will be endless. You can chase me until the end of time, and your agony will be unending._ _Maybe I'll take Bella on a little trip to Riverside after I get tired of playing with you…_"

No!

"_What do you think, Edward? Does she like to fly? If I tell her I'm taking her to you, do you think she'd go willingly, maybe even happily to meet her fate?_"

I writhed in my hidden dark corner as the monologue continued endlessly tormenting me. I could not block it out and Victoria seemed to have a perverse affinity for evoking the specific imagery that would cause me the utmost pain.

Every mention of Her name sent another wave of torture through me. I was fully engulfed in the sea of pain as waves of agony wracked through my body and tore at the raw and bleeding edges of the hole in my chest.

How many hours of this could I endure? The answer was simple – all of them. I was trapped by the sun and my indoctrination, training and survival instinct would not allow me to venture forth as long as the possibility of exposure was imminent. I could feel the minds in close proximity to me and the closely packed minds that separated me from my quarry.

Endless hours of torment later I became aware of a shift in the distribution of the minds around me. Their work at this location was finished. They began to disperse. Rising out of the sea of pain, I retrieved my hat and gloves from my bag. I put on the sunglasses and I was reasonably certain that the majority of my exposed skin would be shielded from the direct rays of the sun.

If I was careful, I should be able to move from my hiding place with minimal risk of exposure. It was time to begin trying to work closer to my prey. My goal was to move into position to strike at Victoria by the time the sun dropped over the horizon.

I soon realized Victoria was moving too. The mental voice of her internal monologue was becoming fainter as she slowly moved out of range. I had to act now if I was going to maintain contact with her.

I knew the coast was clear and I slipped out of the warehouse I had hidden in. I was high noon, and the brilliant orb of the sun hung in the center of the sky. I pulled down the brim of my hat and angled it to cast its shadow across my face. A minimal amount of rainbow sparkles escaped through my clothing as I dashed from the huge shed and sprinted for the edge of the fields, moving deeper into the sprawling community.

I was counting on the fact that if anybody saw me, they would think the bright flashes were the sun glinting off a gold chain or wrist watch. There was almost no cover at all and the buildings were widely separated with huge bright open spaces between them. I felt very vulnerable and exposed as I reached the edge of the farmland.

The good news was that I was moving closer to Victoria, and I was fairly certain that nobody had seen me yet. The bad news was that the cultivated fields edged onto a wide expanse of rocky barren desert scrub that sloped away down a shallow exposed embankment that separated the farm from the freeway. There were a couple of sets of railroad tracks and several busy open rail yards up and down the industrial park that ran along the eastern edge of town. I was already exposed and standing out in the open and it was several hundred yards, perhaps half a mile and across the freeway to the nearest cover.

Well, there was nothing for it but to continue on, in for a penny, in for a pound. I plunged over the embankment and moved into the open scrub as I searched for cover. Victoria was still on the move and I was still on her track. Thankfully I was between rail yards and was pretty far away from any humans that might look in my direction. I moved at a steady pace, not as fast as I would have liked, but fast for a human.

I could easily cross the freeway and avoid the traffic, but I'd likely cause an accident as the panicked humans tried to avoid hitting me, and ran into each other. I scanned up and down the freeway looking for another option as I rapidly approached the busy thoroughfare.

I saw my answer a couple of hundred yards to the north. There was a culvert that ran under the freeway, a manmade creek bed to allow storm drainage run off out of the city during the infrequent but violently torrential rainfalls. It was dry now, and I angled toward it. It was out of my path, but it would allow me to cross under the freeway.

I briefly lost contact with Victoria when I moved out of range to use the culvert, but then I was rapidly angling back in. I picked up her scent again, and then minutes later the tenor of her thoughts. I had to be careful, moving from building to building, using what cover I could find. I was continuously monitoring the minds around me to insure that none had noticed my passage. That nobody was looking in my direction when I chose to move, dashing across a bright open area to find a shadow to duck into.

I had to cross a residential neighborhood next that lay in my path. This was both a blessing and a curse. I could move more rapidly across the rooftops, through backyards leaping fences. There was more cover and I would be a fleeting blur out of the corner of the eye of any that spied my passage, but the human population was more densely packed. There were more minds to monitor, more opportunities for discovery. One misstep, one wrong move, and I could find myself in a backyard full of witnesses.

I didn't hesitate and plunged headlong into the housing tract. I rapidly crossed the intervening blocks as I closed in my quarry. She had stopped moving again and was waiting up ahead. I dropped into the shadows of a small cluster of trees on the opposite side of the houses, and contemplated my next move.

There was a business district ahead. Widely spaced individual buildings, often only a single structure on an entire city block with large open parking lots, it was bright and sunny and open with minimal cover. Trees were few and far between, and primarily ornamental, rather than offering any great amount of shade. Cars moved through the streets, and I could hear the sounds of the city. The sun was sinking in the west, but it was early afternoon, and still many hours until twilight.

It was frustrating because I knew I was so close. Victoria couldn't be more than three or four block ahead and she was just as motionless as me. I could close the distance between us if I could find a way to cross the brightly lit intervening spaces.

There was a parking lot directly across from me that stretched across the block, and then what appeared to be post office on the next block over. The eastern approach to the building was already deep in shadow, but I'd have to cross two busy streets and the parking lot to get there.

I pulled up the collar of my coat and adjusted the brim of my hat. I made sure the cuffs on my gloves were tucked into my sleeves, and then cast around me to gauge the minds in the immediate vicinity. I waited for the right instant, and quickly started across to the post office. I dodged a car crossing the first street, and hurried through the parking lot. Another passing car on the next street actually reflected a beam of sunlight directly into my face. I spun away as I exploded into diamond sparkles, but nobody saw. I took a deep unnecessary breath and gave a sigh of relief as I ducked into the shadows in front of the post office.

I made my way around the post office on the north side, jogging through the open parking lot and finding some shelter under the trees in the west parking lot. The next two blocks west of the post office were older semi-rural residential blocks. There were several vacant lots and clusters of older looking buildings.

I could feel Victoria's presence now. She was at least two more blocks west and a block north of my location. I took a deep breath and inhaled her scent. I was so very close now.

I bided my time, and then crossed the street Northwest and ducked into the shade of a huge tree when I knew it was safe. I moved north through an alley between the buildings and then found more trees to shade me on the north side of the block after crossing another wide vacant lot.

I could see my target now. There was a large white two-story building on the west side of the block north and west of me, but it was largely inaccessible. It was surrounded on three sides by wide brightly lit vacant lots and a busy four lane main street on the western side that it faced. I could see into the back of the building from my vantage point, and it wasn't immediately obvious what purpose the building served.

I watched for a long time, waiting and watching and wondering how I could get closer. Victoria was still inside, but her eyes were closed. I assumed she was feigning sleep. I had looked around through the eyes of some of the other minds and I was becoming apprehensive as I recognized luggage and a general tenor of thoughts surrounding travel plans. I caught a glimpse of an arrivals and departures listing board… My fears were confirmed when a Greyhound bus pulled into the yard and eased into the back of the building under the shaded overhang.

Victoria's eyes opened and she was moving again.

No!

I was so close!

Victoria was moving through the bus station. I watched from several vantage points as my quarry boarded the bus. I was rooted in the shadows unable to act as the bus pulled out of the yard into the bright afternoon sun and drove past me.

I could see Victoria's bright red hair, floppy sun hat and dark glasses through the heavily tinted bus window as it drove past me.

"_Bye, Edward. See you in Phoenix. Catch me if you can, love… I think you know where to look…_" An image of Bella's Mother's house flashed through her mind…

Thank god Renée and Phil didn't live there anymore. I pitied whoever did now. They were likely Victoria's next unwitting victims.

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i

Phoenix

I approached the house under cover of darkness. Victoria wasn't here. I couldn't feel her mind, but the stench of death hung heavily around the house. I caught Victoria's scent as I went over the fence into the backyard. The backdoor opened easily; the lock was sheared open, likely by gripping the knob and forcing it to turn.

The man and woman lay crumpled on the floor in the family room. The TV was still on as they lay staring wide eyed and glassy at the images. The signs were all there; broken necks, the bite wound in the throat, pale and cold from exsanguination. There wasn't a drop of blood in the room. Victoria hadn't missed a drop. I reached out and closed their staring eyes.

I followed my nose down the hallway. This had been Bella's room when she lived here with Renée… The door was ajar. I could hear music playing through tiny speakers, likely ear buds. There were posters on the wall; unicorns and rainbows and boy bands. The cover on the bed was purple with pink sheets. Shoes and clothes were strewn across the floor in typical teenage abandon.

She was maybe sixteen? Pretty with long brown hair as she lay on the bed under the cover.

The girl wasn't dead, but she'd likely be praying for death in a few more hours. The screaming hadn't started yet… Her brow was beaded with sweat and her eyes were pinched closed, but I was sure they'd be brown if I could look at them now. The bite wound in her throat had sealed, trapping the venom inside.

Goddamn Victoria to Hell! I couldn't just leave her here, and I couldn't keep chasing Victoria if I tended to the girl! I felt instantly guilty as the thought of simply killing her to put her out of her misery crossed my mind. I instantly dismissed it. Victoria had taken her life and damned her but I would not be responsible for ending her existence.

What would I do with her? I couldn't end the chase now! Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie were out of the country. Alice and Jasper were in Alaska still, as were the Denali coven. I was fairly certain Jasper's friends, Peter and Charlotte were in Colorado, but all of them were too far away. I couldn't sit here for three days, and then she still wouldn't be able to travel…

My phone rang as I reached for it in the clip on my belt. I didn't even look at the caller ID before I answered it.

"_There's a roll of duct tape in the garage on the workbench. Secure her wrists and ankles, and tape her mouth shut before she starts screaming._"

"Hello Alice. So nice to hear from you…"

"_Do you want my help or not?_"

"Yes. Thank you, Alice. What do I need to do? I can't stay here, and I can't just leave her here."

"_Dispose of the bodies. Secure the girl, and rent a motel room. There's a minivan in the garage. The keys are hanging by the garage door. Make sure you put out the 'do not disturb' sign at the motel, and I'll be there in the morning to deal with her. I'm on my way to the airport now. Leave the girl at the motel, and I'll take care of her._"

"What are you going to do with her?"

"_I could take her to Colorado… I saw that thought cross your mind…_"

I sighed. "Carlisle wouldn't like that. I know he has nothing against Peter or Charlotte, or the decisions any of our peers make regarding their diet, but he'd want her to have choices…"

"_Alright, I'll deal with it. Now hurry up and secure her before she starts screaming. You don't have much time._"

"Thank you, Alice."

"_You can thank me when you bring my sister home to me, instead of expecting me to clean up your messes! I should be helping Bella through this, not some random stranger! I'm only doing this so you can keep hunting that miserable bitch, Victoria! As long as you're playing her game, she'll stay away from Forks._"

"Am I going to catch her?"

"_Many times._"

"Am I going to kill her?"

"_I don't know yet. She's highly skilled and a deadly fighter. She's easily as skilled as Jasper at fighting, and her gift makes her hard to pin down. She's extremely elusive. Now get to work!_"

The call abruptly ended and I flipped the phone shut and returned it to the clip on my belt. I had work to do.

I went to the garage and found the tape. I securely sealed the girls mouth shut to prevent her from screaming, and then I pulled back the covers to secure her wrists and ankles. I was going to have to move her, and she would likely start thrashing around from the extreme pain of movement if I didn't take precautions.

"Goddamn it, Victoria!" I swore under my breath.

She had gone out of here way to make this more difficult. The girl was naked under the covers. I noticed the remains of a nighty and matching panties shredded on the floor at my feet.

I felt a sense of déjà vu as I looked at the ruined blue lace on the floor at my feet, and then I got back to work.

I couldn't tell if she had been molested as well. I had the medical training to ascertain the truth, but I didn't want to know. Not to mention the fact that I would be inflicting the same act upon her that I would be attempting to investigate in my quest for that knowledge. It wasn't worth the humiliation she would suffer to determine the depths of Victoria's depravity.

The girl had suffered enough.

I stepped over to the dresser and collected jeans and a t-shirt and quickly dressed the girl and then securely taped her ankles and wrists together. I carried her out to the garage, deposited her in the minivan and covered her with a blanket.

I went back to the room when I was done and looked around for her personal affects. I found a purse hanging on the closet door. There was a wallet inside. I had been wrong. She was seventeen. Her name was Lillian Bailey, an oddly old fashioned name in this day and age. Then I noticed a notebook on her desk and various papers and decorations… Apparently she went by Lilly. I took the purse, her IPod and a laptop computer, but made sure I left her cell phone behind. It would be a long time before she needed one, and Alice would see to it when the time came.

I made quick work of disposing of the bodies. The house was close to the edge of town and the open desert spread out from the end of the street. I ran a couple of miles out and dug a shallow grave. The bodies didn't need to be lost forever. Just until the apparent cause of death couldn't easily or conclusively be determined. I wouldn't leave them exposed for scavengers, but in a case like this, animal bite marks on the corpses would help disguise the actual cause of death.

I drove to a motel and rented a room. I knew Alice would see which one and where it was. I could sense that there was nobody around or watching when I carried Lilly into the room and laid her on the bed. Her body was convulsing and jerking as though she was being intermittently shocked with a strong electric current. I knew she'd be screaming by now if I hadn't taken precautions from the way her jaw muscles bunched and clenched as she whimpered and moaned. I made sure her restraints were secure, and left her personal effects. I hung the do not disturb sign on the door so the maid would skip the room, and then I locked the door and left.

Alice would have two days to drive her wherever she decided to take her before she woke up. It would be much more painful for Lilly if she had to move her around a lot, but it likely couldn't be helped. It would be even harder to move her after she woke up.

I drove the minivan back to the house and quickly picked up Victoria's scent again. The track had been relatively fresh when I first came upon the house, but it was hours old now. I followed it to the airport. A sense of dread enveloped me, and if there would have been blood in my veins, it would have run cold as a shiver ran up my spine. What if while I was caring for this innocent girl in Phoenix, Victoria had doubled back to Washington? She could be on her way to Forks already to end my sole reason for existence, and there would be nothing I could do about it.

I followed her scent up to the ticket counter and repeated what I had done in Seattle with her picture. Luckily the shift hadn't changed and the clerks remembered her. Of course they wouldn't provide me with any information, but I picked it out of their minds as they thought about her.

I breathed a sigh of relief when her Itinerary showed she had purchased a ticket for a flight to Torreon, Mexico. I bought a ticket to follow her south. I was still a couple of hours behind her and I didn't like being away from Forks for so long, but as long as Victoria didn't turn north, I was content to chase her. I would catch her eventually and then this would end.

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i

Mexico

I caught up to Victoria on the outskirts of Torreon. She had left the airport without renting a car and it was relatively easy to track her scent as though she had almost lazily wandered away from the airport while she waited for me to catch up. I caught the impatient nature of her thoughts around dawn as she wondered how long it would take for me to get there.

She was outside a factory and was considering taking refuge in one of the warehouses to wait out the day since we were still in such close proximity to a major population center. The area would be teaming with humans in a couple of hours when the sun came up and the factory workers were on their way to their jobs. There was no lack of humans milling about now as the graveyard shift wrapped up and workers prepared to leave to return to their homes.

I was cautious in my approach as I began my stalk. She wasn't aware of my presence yet and I could end this quickly if I could get the drop on her. I moved stealthily across the rooftop until I could see Victoria below me. This was the closet I'd come to her in the weeks that I'd been chasing her.

This was my moment.

My muscles bunched and then I pounced, launching myself at her back as she ambled along unaware.

Suddenly she moved. She danced away as her hands closed on me, gripping my arm and shoulder, using my momentum to flip me away. At the last second she was aware of my presence and reacted instantly, moving faster than thought.

I landed on the balls of my feet and charged her. She moved instinctively to avoid my attack and re-directed my lunge to crash into the wall of the warehouse.

I could read her mind and see everything she was going to do as soon as she considered the option, but she wasn't making any decisions. She didn't think about the fight. She reacted to me and acted instantaneously on instinct, trusting in her gift to make the correct counter to my attack.

There were shouts and lights coming on in the compound now. I could hear running feet and the heartbeats of approaching humans.

Victoria had vanished, but I could feel her mind moving rapidly away. I was on my feet as soon as I thought about it and gave chase. I moved through the warehouse, ignoring the gaping hole in the wall where I crashed through and flew up the shelving to a skylight in the ceiling. I moved back onto the rooftop as the startled workers examined the hole in the wall, wondering what had caused it.

"_Nice try, Edward. You almost touched me that time. Not even James got that close on his first try. This is fun. Where should we go next? Maybe have a bite and see what tickles our fancy? I'm not fond on Mexican, but I can make do. Now, something South American sounds exotic…_"

She was taunting me, but she wasn't too far ahead. It would be dawn soon and she'd have to go to ground at daybreak. We were still too deep in the metropolis for her to easily move around in the daytime and it was more than likely going to be sunny.

"_Did you like the little friend I left for you in Phoenix? Imagine my surprise when I found here there, in the same bedroom even. She reminded me so of your little pet…_"

A feral growl ripped out of chest, and I felt Victoria laugh. I attracted more of the human's attention and I could read their fear. None of them had seen me, and they couldn't see me now, but I could feel their panicked searching. That would make it more difficult to hide when the time came.

"_I thought you might be a little nostalgic. Maybe I could give you a little taste of home… Her Blood was so sweet, Edward… I didn't think I was going to be able to stop, but I wanted to leave a taste for you…_"

Daybreak was rapidly approaching. I could feel her searching for a hiding place. I recognized the group of buildings she was turning towards from earlier when I started my hunt. If could get a little closer I could keep moving through the shadows between the buildings and stalk her through the warehouses.

"_Did you taste her blood, Edward? You know, I was close enough to hear you walk into her bedroom… You might have caught me in Phoenix if you'd left her there to burn._"

She was insane! Was she inviting the wrath of the Volturi? If I'd left the girl there, she'd have gone on a rampage when she woke up. Of course I would have been held just as accountable as Victoria, and the Volturi would come looking for me as well. She knew I wouldn't just leave the girl, but if I'd wanted to catch her badly enough, then I should have just killed her. That hadn't been an option for me.

Maybe she was despondent enough that she welcomed death, but she wanted to take me with her. I would gladly send her to hell, but I had no inclination to join her so soon.

I ducked into the warehouse complex as the sun broke over the horizon and flooded the area with the first brilliant rays of the sun. I reached out to Victoria and tried figure out just exactly where she was hiding. She had a disconcerting tendency to close her eyes for long periods and simply move about relying on her other senses to guide her. I assumed she did this because she knew I could read her mind, and she didn't want to give me too many clues to where she was hiding.

We played a dangerous game of cat and mouse over the next several hours as we moved from building to building, darting through shadows, ghosting through the tops of shelving and storage racks, cautiously avoiding the humans that were oblivious to our presence. I knew it was a bad sign when she stopped moving.

I knew which building she was in now, but there were too many minds separating her from me. Why would she choose a building that was teeming with humans as her hiding place? The answer was immediately obvious; because I wouldn't be able to attack her there without exposing myself.

I slipped into the back of the building, attempting to close the distance between us. I might not be able to get to her, but she'd be trapped inside too. I could wait until after dark for my opportunity to strike at her again…

Then she was moving away…

It was like Indio all over again.

I moved through the ware house to the edge of cover. There were shipping docks across the side of the warehouse. Workers were loading farm equipment and machinery into the backs of open semi trailers. There was a yawning opening where a loaded truck had just pulled away to deliver is load…

Victoria was hiding in the back of that truck!

It kept up like that for weeks as we crisscrossed back and forth across Mexico. I got close enough half a dozen times to strike at her but it always ended the same way. She would easily evade my assaults and slip away at the last instant to elude my pursuit and start the chase over again. Several times the trail went cold and I was convinced that I had lost here. I was ready to return to Washington on more than one occasion, but then I would run across some clue that would lead me back to the trail.

I knew what was happening. Victoria hadn't tired of the game yet, and she'd drop hints or plant clues so I would start chasing her again. I realized this was a useless gesture, a futile effort. I would not catch her until she allowed me to catch her. She was toying with me and leading me on a merry chase south, away from where I truly wanted to be.

Victoria was aware of just how miserable I was, and she knew it was because I was separated from Bella. I had felt her across the rooftops, staring in my open window as I writhed in the agony of my memories while the sun kept us trapped and immobile. She was astute and intelligent, and had guessed the reasons for my torment. She knew I would be in agony as long as I was separated from my love, and I had taken the steps that would keep us apart forever.

It was near the end of October when I followed her to the airport in Mexico City. I panicked in airports, fearing that she'd tire of our game and turn north instead of south. I would chase her all the way back to Forks, but I knew I'd be too late.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I learned we were flying to Rio de Janeiro. Victoria was always just a couple of hours ahead of me, but I gladly bought my ticket to follow. It was keeping her away from Bella, and I would do anything to keep Bella safe.

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i

Brazil

The chase through Brazil started in Rio, but we didn't stay in the modern metropolitan parts of the country for long. Victoria lingered in the crime infested favelas for a few days and added to the cities already prodigious crime rate with a couple of random murders as she sated her thirst. Then we left the confines of the city.

I had been feeding when possible, but I didn't want to break of the chase to hunt like I knew I needed too. I suitably diminished the stray dog and cat population for bare survival as necessary, and had liberated some livestock when the opportunity presented itself. Regardless, I was nearly delirious with hunger most of the time, and it took every ounce of restraint that I had acquired over the last ninety years to maintain my resolve and continue to abstain from human blood.

I felt certain that Victoria would be venturing out into the countryside and wilderness soon, and I took the first opportunity to visit a bank and take a large cash draw against my credit card. I knew credit would be worthless outside the confines of the civilized areas and I would need cash to deal with the rural populous.

I was correct. The next phase of the chase started when we left the cities behind and ventured out into the wilderness. Victoria proved just how elusive a target she could be. She easily eluded me on a dozen different occasions, only to drop clues to allow me to find her trail again. She could have simply walked away and left me wandering in the jungle searching while she went back to Forks to deal with Bella, but she knew that would end the game.

I chased here through nearly two thousand miles of wilderness, rainforest and jungle, and never got close to her except when she allowed it. I realized that chasing Victoria was a futile effort. Her gift for evasion made her impossible to catch. Maybe if I wasn't alone it might have been different, but I wasn't going to kill her without help.

It was in a tiny fishing village called San Jose on the banks of a tributary of the Amazon River that Victoria finally decided to meet with me and confront me. She was sitting at a rough wooden table outside the local cantina at twilight when I walked into town. I knew better than to try and attack her. She would easily avoid my assault, and she obviously wanted to talk. It wouldn't hurt to hear her out.

"What do you want, Victoria?" I asked as I approached the table. She indicated the seat opposite her and I sat down.

"I'd offer you a drink, but they're fresh out." Victoria said with a smirk. "I don't think they carry your brand anyhow."

I could smell the stench of death from inside the cantina and I knew she'd already had her drink.

"Just spit it out, Victoria. I'm not going to sit here all night. I have hunting to see to. Shouldn't you be doing more running?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Edward. I'm getting tired of our little game. This has been fun, but I have better things to do with my time."

I tried not to let my panic show, but this was what I'd feared for months. The fact that we'd been traveling northwest for weeks now was not lost on me.

"What are you going to do?" I asked dispassionately.

"Well, that's the rub. I could just go back to Forks and kill your little pet, but you know just how futile chasing me is now. I want you to feel every second of agony you can for as long as possible. I'm not done hurting you yet, but if I kill her now, you'll probably just try to kill yourself. If you're dead, then the pain ends with your life."

"Thank you for being so compassionate." I said with thick sarcasm.

"You're doing a much better job of tormenting yourself than I could ever manage, and your little pet is in just as much pain while you're gone. The only down side is that you keep chasing me, and I'd prefer to get back to my life."

"Please excuse me for being such an inconvenience to you. I only want you dead. Maybe you could simply stand still for a minute, and I could help you with that."

"I have a better idea. How about you promise to stay down here in the Amazon, and I'll promise to stay away from your human?"

I felt a faint glimmer of hope, but it couldn't be this easy. There had to be a catch.

"What aren't you telling me? Why would you even make this offer?"

Victoria shrugged. "I was getting something started in Seattle when you started chasing me. I knew I'd never be safe and secure on my own. Your family was powerful because of your numbers. I was starting my own family when you chased me away. I want to go back and see if they're still there."

"Why would I possibly accommodate your wishes?"

"Because you know it'll keep your little human pet safe. You have to realize how easy it would be for me to kill her don't you? I'd prefer to do it myself, but you know all I have to do is pick up the phone and her life would end just as easily pricking a soap bubble…"

"You're lying. How do I know you won't simply kill her after I agree to your proposal?"

"You know I'm not lying. You're the mind reader. Am I lying to you? What possible benefit could I receive from her death as long as you hold to our agreement? As long as she's alive you're alive, you're doing a much better job of tormenting yourself with your own memories than I could every possibly inflict upon you with her death. It behooves me to insure that she lives to a ripe old age to insure the maximum possible torture for you."

"You have a sick and twisted mind, Victoria."

"Your opinion… Perhaps it's even true, but I'm truthful and I keep my word. Am I lying to you?"

"No, you're not."

"So, do we have an agreement?"

"Yes, I'll accept your terms. I will remain in South America so long as Bella Swan lives and you stay away from her. Then I will take you to hell with me when her life ends."

"Always so melodramatic... I love that about you, by the way. I'd shake your hand, but I'm sure you understand… See you in seventy years or so Edward. Enjoy the jungle." Victoria got up and waved as she walked away. I didn't try to chase her. I had given my word and besides, it was a futile gesture.

So this was to be my lot in life. It wasn't a bad trade. I would willingly accept exile to keep Bella safe and insure that she be able to live out her human life. I would have liked to have been there to see it unfold for her, but she was worth the sacrifice…

**Author's Note:**

The opening sequence at the beginning of this chapter where Edward is reliving his memories contains excerpts of text from _Midnight Sun_ by Stephenie Meyer in two or three of the segments.

This chapter was originally the first half of a much longer chapter. I ended up splitting it in half, and the second part will be coming next. We'll be hearing from more of the Cullens in chapter 12.

If you liked this story, please review and let me know what you think. Even if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear from you. I read all the reviews, even if I don't answer all of them. If you have questions, I try to answer then without giving away too much of the plot.


	12. Chapter 12 Interlude  Blind

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **APOV (Alice) finally gets her say for the first half of this chapter. EPOV (Edward) will follow in the second half of this chapter. Bella will return later in the story.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

This chapter was originally the second half of the previous chapter 11, but it got too long, so I split it in half.

A couple of people had questions about the timeline. Just as a reminder for purposes of clarification, I mentioned in an author's note back in chapter 3 that this story was starting in 2001 as opposed to 2005/2006 as in typical Twilight canon.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 12 Interlude - Blind

APOV (Alice) September 13th 2001

The events of that September thirteenth turned my world upside down and shattered all of our lives.

Emmett and Rosalie had finally released Jasper once he had gotten out into the fresh air outside and his head had cleared. I didn't know which was worse when I got outside, the bloodlust that had consumed him inside or the abject remorse and self-loathing which consumed him now in the clean fresh air at the edge of the forest. I knew he was going to run before he bolted northeast out of the yard. He needed to run and burn off some of the frustration. Edward would bring him back before he got too far but they both needed to let off a little steam.

Edward would manage to catch up to Jasper and stop him from running. They would talk and Edward would bring him back, but I knew this was going to be bad. This was exactly the kind of accident Edward had feared the most. Why couldn't he see that Bella needed to be changed so she could join our family? I had seen it happening and he had seen my visions.

The bloodlust or any emotion we could feel was worse or even better for Jasper, depending upon the emotion. It was an easy excuse to blame it on the fact that he hadn't been hadn't been trying as long as the rest, but did it really matter if you'd been trying for forty-seven years as opposed to sixty-eight years or three hundred years?

Carlisle certainly wouldn't have put Jasper into a situation he couldn't handle, and he went to high school with the rest us for god's sake! True, he was off the hook right now because he had graduated again last year and was waiting for me to graduate before we went to college again, but he'd been doing this for a long time.

The simple fact of the matter was that any of us mastered the bloodlust within a matter of months or possibly years if we struggled with it, but master it we did. It was worse for Jasper because he could feel all of our emotions too. Not only did he have to deal with his own thirst, but he had to deal with all of ours as well. If we were thirsty, he would feel it and it would make him even thirstier in a kind of insidious feedback loop as he broadcast that thirst back to us and intensified our feelings. The same held true for anger or sadness, but happiness or lust were more fun to deal with.

I had registered the change in Bella's scent when she had walked into the house, and I was waiting for an opportunity to speak with her privately to congratulate her of breaking down Edward's final barrier. I knew she was the perfect addition to our family. I hadn't realized just how strongly it had affected Jasper until it was too late that night.

Rosalie and Emmett had been away from Bella for a while and were hit with her normal scent compounded with the blood. They probably just assumed it was normal for her, but I could see them dealing with it and swallowing back their venom while trying to be polite. It had affected Carlisle and Esme too, but they probably just assumed she had tripped and skinned her knee or any of a hundred casual accidents.

Edward's thirst was the worst to deal with by far. He had mastered his reaction to the bloodlust, but Bella was still his singer, and that made it exponentially worse. Simply because he had mastered his reaction to her blood didn't mean that he didn't feel it. And everything he felt, Jasper felt too. He felt it from all of us. Jasper wasn't weak. He was stronger than all of us together, but he had reached his breaking point.

One random drop of blood from a simple random accident shattered his control and all of our lives along with it. Our futures were thrown into chaos and all of my visions changed. It would take weeks to sort out all of the ramifications. I knew I didn't have that much time.

Edward returned from Bella's house earlier than normal. He entered the house through his bedroom window and showered and changed. It was hours before we'd have to leave for school and he called everyone together for a family meeting. I had been trying to calm Jasper down for hours, and he was still upset about what had happened.

"Thank you all for coming on such short notice," Edward began when we were all assembled in the dining room. "I think it's time that we limit Bella's exposure to our world. It's not healthy for her. This fact was brought home to me by tonight's events."

"What are you asking, Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"I would like the family to move on and leave Forks immediately. I know most of us were planning on moving on to New Hampshire next year after graduation, but I'd like to insist that you leave now for Bella's sake."

"Well, I have no problem with leaving now," Rosalie said. "Emmett and I were planning on spending some time traveling in Europe before school starts next year. We were just going to visit for a couple of days anyhow, but we can leave tonight if you like."

"Thank you, Rose."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing, Edward?" Emmett asked. "I know you love Bella. She may not be a vampire, but what you've got with her is just as strong as the bond between Rosie and me. Don't screw that up just because you're scared to commit."

"I'm not scared, and I am ready to make the deepest commitment necessary to insure Bella's continued health and well being. She just doesn't belong so close to our kind."

"Fine, but I still think you're making a mistake. We'll leave tonight."

Edward nodded without further comment and then turned to face us. "Jasper, Alice?" Edward asked.

"You're overreacting, Edward! Bella belongs with us! You've got…"

"Alice, I can't stay here." Jasper spoke quietly. "I need some space… I need to get away from humans for a while or I don't know what will happen… I'm sorry. Maybe we can go up to Denali for a couple of years. Then we'll see…"

Jasper had to be my first concern. He was so vulnerable and fragile right now. He was normally so strong and confident in his role protecting our family, but the events of the evening had devastated him. He knew I thought of Bella as a sister, and he already considered her one of the family. To turn on one of his own like that was the blackest betrayal of the trust he had been given and it ate at his soul.

"Ok, Jazz. We can head up in a couple of days…"

"No, Alice, tonight. I can't stay any longer. I need to leave now. I only let Edward bring me back earlier so I could tell you. I can't stay so close to humans for one more minute or I won't be held accountable for my actions. I'm sorry Alice. I'm hoping you'll accompany me."

"Of course Jazz."

"We'll leave tonight, Edward." Jasper said, looking up at Edward for the first time since he'd started the meeting.

"Thank you, Jasper." Then he turned to Carlisle and Esme.

"Carlisle, Esme?"

"Wait, I'm not through yet, Edward!" I said. "Bella is my friend! I want to at least say good bye…"

"How are you going to do that if you leave tonight with Jasper? Go wake her up out a sound sleep and upset her and traumatize her even more?"

"No… I guess not…"

"And Alice, I don't want you to try and contact Bella or look into her future either."

"Why, what are you going to do? I love Bella just as much as you do! She's as much my sister as Rose is, Edward! When you say 'limit her exposure to our world', what exactly do you mean?"

"She deserves a normal human life free from our influence. Tell me you wouldn't give up everything you have, everything you are to be human again. How can I take that away from her? She doesn't understand what she's asking for. Do you honestly expect me to take that innocent child and turn her into a murderer just so I can be happy?"

"You're going to leave her, aren't you? She doesn't want that, Edward! We can protect her if she's one of us. Don't you see that this will destroy her?"

"Which among us has not taken a human life? She deserves better. I'm going to do what's best for her…"

"Who are you to decide what's best for her? Doesn't she deserve to be part of the decision?"

"She is too young and innocent to make an informed decision. In order to involve her in the process, I would essentially have to destroy the very innocence I am endeavoring to preserve. This is the best way."

"You're wrong. This will kill her just as surely as any of the dangers you've saved her from would have…"

"You don't know that. You haven't seen it…"

"I know it just the same. I won't let you do this. What, are you just going to walk away and abandon her?"

"No… You know what I have planned. I will insure that she is safe and then I will never be far from her side. She will heal and then move on. She'll lead a normal human life, go to college, have healthy relationships, children…"

"You are so blind, Edward, and such a masochist! She doesn't want that life! She wants you! This will kill her!

"Give her a year, Alice. Do it my way, please? Go to Denali with Jasper, and if it's as bad as you say, I'll go to her and make it right."

"Three months, and I'll check on her. If she's in as much pain as I'm imagining, I'll turn her myself!"

"Six months, but she stays human!"

"Fine, six months, but we go together to check on her!"

"She'll have moved on by then, Alice. You'll see. This is for the best."

"If anything happens to her, I'll never forgive you!"

Edward nodded, and then turned to Carlisle and Esme again."

"Carlisle, Esme?"

"Well, I suppose you've already made your decision…," Carlisle said. "Of course we'll abide by your wishes if you believe this is best. It's your decision to make, Edward."

"Please don't do this, Edward." Esme pleaded with him. "Bella has made you so happy after such a long time… You know I already think of her as my daughter… I can't bear the thought of losing another child…"

"This is for the best, mother. She deserves to live her life as a human. You know that won't be possible if she remains in our world. We have to let her go…"

"This will break my heart, Edward. This will hurt you just as much as it hurts Bella. Promise me that you'll go to her if she's in pain…"

"There is always hurt and pain with any change… She's human. She'll heal and move on…"

"But you aren't human… What about your pain? You won't heal or move on… You'll carry this hurt for the rest of your days… Promise me. You can have time to see how wrong this is, but if this isn't the right decision for Bella, then promise me you'll bring her home to me."

"I promise, if this isn't the right choice, I'll go to her and bring her home."

"I know this can't be the right choice if it takes my daughter away from me and destroys your only chance for happiness, but you have to follow your heart, Edward."

"I cannot follow my heart, mother. I have to do what's right, not what I want."

"Yes, well I suppose you're correct, Edward." Carlisle said as he gathered Esme into his arms and tried to comfort her anguished sobs. "We'll leave immediately, tonight. I'll call the hospital in the morning and make my excuses and apologies. I believe we'll go to England until it's time to go open the house in New Hampshire next year. Will you be joining your siblings at college next fall?"

"No. I have personal matters to attend to. I will insure Bella's safety, and then I will remain nearby until she moves on with her life…"

"Yes, of course…" Carlisle said. Then he took control of the situation. "Alright, everyone, this isn't the first time we've moved on unexpectedly on short notice. You all know what to do. Collect your personal effects and anything that can't be left behind for humans to find. When it's safe in a couple of months, I'll contact the movers and have the rest of our belongings transferred to the house in New Hampshire."

Edward looked down, defeated, heartbroken as Carlisle gave us our assignments and we started to get up to disperse to our tasks.

"Thank you, all, for understanding." Edward said. Then he turned to Carlisle. "I need some fresh air… I'll hunt before it's time for school if you can spare me…"

"Certainly, Edward, Do what you must. We should be gone and well on our way before the dawn. Will we see you in New Hampshire at all?"

"I don't know yet, father… I have responsibilities to attend to…"

"Yes, of course… You're always welcome when you're ready to return to us, son."

Edward got up and left through the back door in the kitchen, and I could hear his footfalls recede as he fled from our presence. Jasper was getting up to go collect his things to leave and I turned to him.

"Jazz, go ahead and pack what I need. I'm going to go help Carlisle, ok?"

"Alright, Alice, I won't be long." Jazz said, and then he walked out of the room to go up the stairs.

"Carlisle, I'll help you pack up your study. I know that's usually Edward's job, but he seems distraught."

"Thank you, Alice. You know what needs to be packed?"

"Yes. I've done this a few times before, you know." Carlisle chuckled quietly, and we left to go pack.

At this point, it didn't really matter if I made any plans. Edward was gone to hunt, but he was more concerned about being out of our presence until we were gone, and he wouldn't be back until we had all gone our separate ways. I knew about his plans to hunt down Victoria, but I didn't see him getting hurt, and if I told the rest, they'd all want to help.

Perhaps it was selfish on my part, but I couldn't do that to Jasper right now. I knew just how fragile he was after his close call tonight, and I had to get him away to heal and come to terms with this. If he went off to help Edward, he'd be subjected to humans in huge concentrations for months, and he would surely snap and give in to his thirst. I wouldn't do that to him. I couldn't do that to him, even to save Edward and Bella's relationship.

Bella was a smart girl, and it was going to have to be left up to her to drum some sense into Edward's solid marble head. I knew what this was all about. It was the huge white elephant in the middle of the room that everyone kept dancing around, but wouldn't talk about. At least nobody but Bella.

So she wanted to be changed. Was that really such a terrible thing to want? We'd all been through it and I didn't consider any of us to be bad people. We'd all had our share of accidents, but c'mon! Humans died every day. Death was a part of life, and none of us was looking to be the grim reaper. It wasn't like we didn't try to be good. None of us hunted humans for food; the bloodlust was just a part of what we were.

I honestly didn't understand Edward's reluctance, but then I didn't remember being human. I didn't think this life was as bad as he made it out to be. It was all I'd ever known and I thought we had a pretty good life compared to most humans. Besides, with all of us around to help her, Bella would have an easier time of it than Rose did, and the only deaths on her record were the bastards that had raped her to death.

I knew I couldn't change Bella without likely killing her, and I knew now that Edward never would. The only way Edward would ever be able to accept their relationship was if they were equals, and that meant Bella had to become a vampire. I couldn't change her, but I could give her the choice. I knew Carlisle kept his research stock of Venom in the secret locked cabinet in his study, and I knew Bella knew where the cabinet was.

I left the venom syringes behind when I helped Carlisle pack. I knew he'd be upset with me about disrupting his research, but this was important too. He didn't specifically ask me if I packed them. He assumed I knew the job and left me to my task. It was hard to betray that trust, but I knew Bella would want this. I couldn't do anything else yet, but I had a plan.

Edward would be an idiot and destroy the only romantic relationship he'd ever been in. He'd break the heart of the girl, who loved him, and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening, but if she was willing to fight for him, if she was willing to burn for him, I'd give her that choice.

I knew it was only a matter of time before she came to the house to look for clues to where we had gone. I would give her what she wanted.

We finished packing and left. I took Jasper to Denali in Alaska, and we stayed in our house there near the national park alone and reconnected while Jasper healed. I waited two weeks, and then I told him there things I needed from the house in Forks. I drove back to Washington and went to the big white house in the forest. I packed some clothes and collected the things I'd told him I needed, but my real reason for visiting was to leave Bella a note.

I'd promised Edward I wouldn't try to contact Bella or look into her future, but I didn't promise him that I wouldn't interfere. I could tell by the scents that nobody, Edward in particular, had been in the house since that night of the party. I doubted if Edward had returned long enough to even change his clothes again. I left the note in my room on my bed. The only way Bella would ever find it was if she was ready to start looking for us, but I wasn't ready to leave it up to chance either.

I had contacted one of our attorneys in Seattle and made arrangements for a modest scholarship for Bella. She'd know it was from me because I used my human name to send her the money. I figured it would pique her curiosity and make her go looking for clues. What better place to look for clues than at our house?

If she decided to use the venom, then she'd have the money to get away from Forks and find a safe place to go through the change. We'd talked about our cousins in Denali enough times that she had to know where there were vegetarian vampires she could turn to for help, and I'd be sitting up there with Jasper waiting for her to show up. Edward would be furious, but he wouldn't be able to undo it, and then we could all get on with our lives together.

There was only one flaw in my plan.

Normally when I did something like this, I knew before hand if it was going to work or not. Humans had always been a little fuzzy to my visions, and I saw vampires much more clearly. Bella had become very clear to me over the course of the time that I had known her. Her future had become as clear to me as any other member of my family, but over the weeks since I had left Forks, it had become progressively darker and more difficult to read, and that worried me.

I wanted to go to her and check on her. I wanted to see her with my own two eyes and prove to myself that she was alright, but I had promised Edward. I had given him six months to do it his way, and I had promised I wouldn't try to contact her. I knew if I went to see her, I wouldn't be able to stay away. In the end, I didn't even drive into Forks. I had accomplished what I had set out to do, and I drove away from the house and went back to Alaska.

I have regretted that decision ever since.

Bella's future continued to cloud over. Edward had asked me not to look into Bella's future, but it wasn't a promise I could keep. It didn't really even matter. I would strain and strain to find her and look at her path, but I could only get the barest glimpses of her. Everything changed on November eleventh.

Jasper was out hunting with Lilly and Eleazar, but I had stayed home to try and look for Bella's future again. I had gotten glimpses of a woman with her, and I thought it might be her mother from the family resemblance. I had met Renee before, but the glimpses were so fleeting that I couldn't be sure. Charlie had been out of the picture for a while, so I thought maybe she had gone to Jacksonville to stay with her mother again, but the snow confused me. It didn't snow in Florida.

Suddenly Bella's future swam into sharp focus and crystal clarity. The fuzzy cloudiness was stripped away as though I had been trying to peer through a sheet of gauze, and then the sheet was yanked away.

The crystal clarity of the vision scared me. I had seen similar visions like this seconds before a life threatening accident, and there was rarely time to act on them. Like that day in the parking lot at Forks high school when Tyler's van was careening across the icy parking lot to kill Bella. Edward had needed to act instantly to save her that time. I didn't even know if she was still in Forks this time, and I was thousands of miles away even if she was.

The vision I had seen was a moment of supreme agony and rending pain. There was so much blood… And then, just as abruptly as the vision had started, it was gone. Her future was gone… Bella was gone. One crystal clear moment of intense agony, and then blackness. Nothingness. Oblivion.

I was consumed by a paroxysm of grief.

In my experience, there was only one thing that would account for somebody's future disappearing the way Bella's had. Her future had vanished the way somebody's future blacked out when they died.

Goddamn Edward and his holier than thou arrogance! I had warned him that leaving Bella was the wrong thing to do! I had warned him that leaving her would kill her! I hated being right this time.

My best friend… My sister was dead… Bella was dead…

And all because Edward knew what was right for her! I didn't even know where to go to mourn for her. I had broken off contact to keep my promise to Edward. Had she died in Forks, or Jacksonville, or someplace else entirely? I didn't know.

I had to find Edward. He had to be my priority now. He was still alive and I could still save him. I would mourn for Bella in time, but I had to find Edward before he did something stupid. I had stopped looking at his future after the incident in Phoenix. I knew I'd see him if anything serious was going to happen, but I was more than a little peeved at him for his stupidity in the manner that he was dealing with the whole Bella issue. He had been ignoring his feelings for her by channeling his grief at the change in their relationship into this mindless hunt to destroy Victoria.

If he had simply changed Bella and brought her home to us, he would have had the whole family to support him in protecting Bella from Victoria. Now it was a moot point, and I had to find Edward to protect him from himself. I knew his nature and how melodramatic he could be. Once he knew Bella was gone, he'd likely do something stupid and try to destroy himself.

He could live through this with help and enough love from our family. I knew it was a terrible thing to consider after everything we had been through. I had loved Bella as dearly as a sister, but for the first time I was thankful for the fact now that she had only been human. Edward had bonded to her, but it wasn't the permanent bond that would destroy him because she had never been changed. It was obvious to all of us that she was his mate. They'd spent enough time together for that to be obvious to even a casual observer. If she had been turned, then distance wouldn't be a factor. The bond would have sealed when she became a vampire, but she had remained human and was dead now. It would be very hard and very painful, but Edward still had the capacity to move on with his life.

I just had to find him before he found out from somebody else so I could bring him home.

I tried looking at his immediate future to figure out where he was, but it was in a constant state of flux. I didn't like what I saw. It looked like he was in the jungle; some sort of dense tropical rainforest and a rude grass hut with a dirt floor.

I called his cell phone, but it was out of service. I got up and went to the computer and typed in his cell phone number to locate it, but it was either turned off, broken, or the battery was dead. It looked like I was going to have to do this the old fashioned way. I started going through our financial records and pulled up Edward's credit card statements.

Brazil?

Honestly? He was living in a grass hut in the Amazon rainforests and jungles of Brazil? The last airline ticket he had purchased was for a flight to Rio de Janeiro. Why couldn't he have at least stayed in Rio where there was a decent night life and shopping?

South America was a big place. Brazil was a big place with hundreds of cities. It covered thousands of square miles of territory, and one piece of jungle looked much like another. Just because he had flown into Rio didn't mean he had stayed anywhere near there once he was on the ground. I knew he was in the jungle somewhere, but he had taken a sizeable cash draw against the credit card at a bank in Rio, and I couldn't track the cash purchases. I understood why he'd need cash. Once he was away from the major cities, he wouldn't be able to use the credit card and would need cash to deal with the locals.

I wasn't going to be able to find him sitting at home in Alaska. I was going to have to go down there and look for him. Now the question was whether or not I was going to have to go alone or if anyone would be accompanying me. I considered that for a moment until images flashed through my minds eye. Well, I suppose it was for the best this way.

Jasper was going to be fairly busy for the next year with Lilly unless we imposed terribly upon our Denali cousins and Carlisle already had his Job at the hospital in New Hampshire arranged. Esme would be wherever Carlisle was, and there wasn't enough running water or mirrors in the rainforest to interest Rosalie in going, even if it meant helping Edward. I picked up my phone. I might as well start making the phone calls. Everyone would need to know…

-0-

"Tell me why we're in Rio again?" Emmett asked as we walked through the airport to the baggage claim. "I thought you said he was in the jungle? We're a thousand miles from the rainforests here, and two thousand miles from the Amazon. The only kind of jungle you're going to find here is concrete jungle."

"This is the last place he used his credit card. He was here less than two months ago. I want to talk to the bank where he got the cash advance, and then we can try the guide services and bush pilots that operate here. Maybe somebody will remember him and narrow down the search for us."

"Seems like a long shot, Ali."

I shrugged. "It's worth a shot. I know he's out there somewhere but there are no landmarks in my visions. He isn't in a city or town, and one piece of jungle looks much the same to me as any other. I've seen him by the river, but there's four thousand miles of river. Do you really want to spend the next five years canvassing the jungle hoping we catch his scent?"

In the end, nobody remembered Edward at any of the guide services and he hadn't chartered a plane. I tried to look into the police reports to see if I could get a clue where Victoria had been feeding, but the records for the favelas were sketchy at best. The police and army only traveled in squad strength units in some of the slums and the murder rate for Rio alone was three times the entire United States put together. I knew those statistics would only consider what was actually reported to official sources.

We ended up buying a small bush plane with floats so we could land on the river and started canvassing the jungle just like I'd feared we'd end up doing. I knew now that it was a futile effort to try Edward's cell phone, even if he was bothering to keep it charged. There was no service here, and I'd had to buy a satellite phone so we could stay in communication with the family up north. It would be just my luck to be running around in the jungle searching for Edward, and then have him turn up in Denali or New Hampshire while nobody could find me. I was fairly certain I'd have a vision before that happened.

We had been searching for months before I finally caught a break. I had a brief vision of Edward in a small fishing village making a phone call. The vision didn't last long before he changed his mind, but it was obviously someplace he'd been to or would be close to. I poured over the memory of the vision to glean whatever information I could.

These people seriously needed to use a little more imagination when they named their villages. There had to be five hundred fly speck communities up and down four thousand miles of river called San Jose, but it was a step closer to finding him, and it did focus our search a little.

It took us two months to find the fishing village in my vision, and then another month of canvassing the jungle around it before we caught a fresh track with Edwards scent. We found his camp the next day.

Saying that Edward looked terrible would have been a gross understatement. His shoes were gone and his clothes hung on him like rags. I didn't know how long he was planning to keep this up, but he was practically the wild man of the savages now. I could imagine him in a hide loin cloth swinging through the trees if he kept this up much longer.

I almost wished Jasper was here now because Edward certainly didn't appear to be in a good place emotionally. He didn't even react when we entered his camp, and it wasn't hard to find him writhing on the dirt floor of his rude grass hut. I was momentarily frozen in shock when we finally found him.

"Edward?" Emmett called to him. Then he turned to look at me. "What's wrong with him, Alice? Is he alright?"

I shook myself out of my reverie and slowly approached Edward. "I think he's lost in his memories right now, Emmett. It's as close as we can come to a dream state. He doesn't look like he's been feeding properly. The self-deprivation probably makes it easier for him to stay locked in his dream world, but it's not at all healthy for him. Why don't you go hunt and see what you can find for him to feed on and I'll see if I can bring him around."

Emmett nodded and left to go hunt. I knelt down beside Edward. I turned him to face me and he almost felt fragile. His skin was too pale white and almost chalky. It seemed thin and stretched tight over the bones underneath. He was gaunt and emaciated like a wraith, and a shadow of his former figure of vigor and vitality. The dark circles under his eyes were almost black and deeply bruise-like. I pulled him onto my lap and held his shoulders as I gently rocked him and stroked his cheek and brow, comforting him. He moaned forlornly when I turned him, and his eyes were like deep dark black pits when I finally coaxed his eyes open.

"…Alice? You're here…?" Edward managed to croak out in a hoarse whisper.

"Shhh…" I shushed him. "Just rest and come back to me. Emmett went to hunt for you. You haven't been feeding properly…"

"…why are you here, Alice…?"

"Just relax. Wait until Emmett get's back. We'll help you get your strength back, and then we can talk…"

"…No. I need to know… What's happened Alice?"

I was worried now. I wasn't making much of an effort to guard my thoughts, and Edward should have picked the information out of my mind. He had to be really bad off if he couldn't figure out why we were here. I heard a thrashing in the jungle then, and Emmett chose that moment to return.

Emmett came crashing out of the jungle, wrestling a huge panther into the middle of camp. It was a testament to how little hunting Edward had been doing if a cat like this was roaming so close to his camp.

Edward gave a feeble growl that was a shadow of his former feral hunting roar, but I knew the hunger had taken him and he moved off my lap under his own power to pounce on the panther. Emmett held it down until Edward had a firm grip, and then backed off to let him feed.

The change in his appearance and vitality was remarkable and immediate once he took the opportunity to feed. He would need more to recover completely from his deprivation but it was enough that he was aware and lucid once he had drained the cat and cast the carcass aside.

"Now, tell me why you're here, Alice." Edward said. Enough of his strength had returned to allow him to stand, but he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"We came to bring you home, Edward," Emmett answered for me.

"No. Thank you for your concern, but I cannot return."

"Why?" I asked. "What's tying you to this place, Edward? We really need you to come back with us."

"I can't do that, Alice. I chased Victoria for months, but she was impossible to catch. I fought her dozens of times, but she was toying with me. She could have left to go kill Bella whenever she wanted to, but she was having more fun tormenting me. Finally, she made me an offer. She promised to stay away from Bella as long as I stayed down here. I have to honor our agreement to keep Bella safe."

"Oh… Then there's nothing holding you here." Emmett said. "You can come home with us."

"What!" Edward roared.

I glared at Emmett. He could be an insensitive oaf at times. He never held anything back and always just told it like it was. I could appreciate that at times, but a little more sensitivity was called for here.

"You can come home with us, Edward. You don't have to stay here anymore."

Edward's eyes were pinch shut, and agony contorted his face. "Tell me, Alice… Why are you here?"

"Bella's dead, Edward."

He collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut and fell to the ground as an agonized wail escaped his lips, "No!"

I dropped to the ground to comfort him and pulled him back into my lap. He just moaned quietly for a while in his grief while I held him and gently rocked him, but slowly he came back to me.

"…how did it happen, Alice? Was it Victoria? Did she lie to me and play me for a fool?"

"I don't know, Edward. I saw it in a vision…"

"But you went to the funeral…?"

"There was no funeral… We held a private memorial service with our family…"

"You didn't see the body?"

"I don't even know where she died, Edward. Bella disappeared. She left Forks and ran away after you left…"

Edward seemed to regain his strength. "Then you don't know for certain that she's dead."

"She's dead, Edward. I know it. I saw it. Her future is gone. I was watching and she vanished. You know, you've seen it happen before…"

"Show me!"

"Edward…are you sure?" I didn't want to relive it again… I knew it would hurt him…

"Show me, Alice! I have to see it!"

I nodded and dredged the repressed memory back up. It was painful for me to view it, but I knew it would be a thousand times worse for Edward. It started off hazy and then suddenly sharpened into crystal clarity. Bella's face smudged and smeared with blood. There was more blood on her lips and her shirt was drenched with it. I could see the agony contorting her features. She vomited more blood and her eyes rolled back in her head. Her chest stopped rising and the vision suddenly cut to black as her future vanished.

"…she can't be dead, Alice…"

"Edward, you saw for yourself!"

"I know… I can still feel her, Alice. Would you know if Jasper was alive or dead? Or you, Emmett, would you know if Rosalie was alive or dead? I know Bella is still alive… I can't explain it, I just know… I won't believe it until I see her body."

"It's been over nine months, Edward! I had that vision last November! I don't even know where she died."

"I'll know if it's her when we find her, but she isn't dead, Alice."

"But she was human… I know she was your mate. Anyone could see it, but she was still human. She couldn't seal the bond between you. Not like a vampire could. She's dead Edward, you saw it…"

"I can't explain it Alice. I can only tell you what I feel, and I know Bella isn't dead… Why was your vision so hazy, and then it jumped into focus?"

"I don't know. You knew how clear my visions of Bella's future were. At least until last September, everything changed after the party. Her future kept getting hazier and hazier until I could barely even see her at all except for flashes and glimpses."

"Ok. I'll go back with you. I need to know what happened. Either she's alive, or that bitch Victoria did something to make me think she's still alive. One way or another, I need to know."

"Fine, but before you go anywhere you need to hunt," Emmett said. "Then you going to bath and get some fresh clothes or I'm going to throw you in the river before I let you into the plane. I hate to say this brother dear, but you reek something awful."

"Fine, let's hunt. I'll need my strength for what lies ahead of us."

EPOV (Edward)

I stood at the edge of the forest beside the small white two story house in Forks, Washington. It was hard to comprehend that it was nearly one year later. So little had changed, it didn't feel like it had been a year since I had stood in these woods. In another week it would be one year to the day that I had effectively destroyed my own happiness and driven away the one and only true love of my life.

How could I have been so incredibly stupid? All she had wanted was to spend forever with me and love me. I had let my preconceived notions prevent me from accepting that happiness, and now she was gone.

I had sent Alice and Emmett home once we returned to civilization and they were convinced I wasn't going to do something stupid like try to kill myself. They had been away for so long already searching for me. I was back in communication with the family, but I couldn't truly return to them until I found out what had happened to Bella. I refused to believe she was dead. Not until I had proof one way or the other.

My family was convinced that she was dead. Alice had seen it, and Alice was rarely wrong. She had never been wrong about something like this before, but I couldn't accept it. I could still feel a connection to Bella, and I knew within the core of my being that she had to be alive.

That she had been grievously injured, I could accept. I had done grievous injury to her myself, and I fully accepted my guilt for the wrong I had thrust upon her in my self-righteous conviction that I was doing the right thing. I would find her and beg for forgiveness, and she would be well within her rights to refuse me, but I had to make that effort, regardless of the eventual outcome.

Of course, first I had to find her. It had been my hope when I left that Bella would have moved on with her life. I knew I would hurt her, but it had been my firm conviction that she would heal and go on with her life. I had assumed she would have finished high school, graduated, and gone off to college. I had planned to observe each of these events occur while watching from afar, but none of my plans had played out as I had imagined.

I had spent some time in Forks over the last couple of days trying to piece together what had happened after I left. It never failed to disgust me how inventive and hurtful humans could get in the vileness of the rumors that they spread to entertain themselves.

One school of thought was convinced that she had left town to chase after my family. Of course there were various vile and cruel twists to the story. Some were convinced that she was pregnant when she left town. Others were of the mind that she was after my money and was upset that we had left before she could get her hooks firmly into me.

There was another school of thought that was convinced that she had left town to go live with her mother. There were variations on that theme as well. Some thought that her father had sent her away because of how badly she took the breakup. Others were convinced she was pregnant and had left town in shame to run to her mother, and still others were convinced she had left on her own to go to Florida for a change of scenery.

I had entered her bedroom on the first night I had been in Forks. Charlie hadn't touched a thing. It looked like she could walk in from school at any minute and take up her like where she had left it on pause. I collected her belongings and personal effects that I had hidden from her. The CD of my music and compositions, the plane tickets, the photographs she had planed to mail to her mother. It was all I had left, and Charlie wouldn't miss them. He didn't even know they were there.

I realized there were items missing as soon as I entered through the window. The CD clock radio was gone off the night stand. Her favorite books and CD's were missing. The knick knacks and some personal items she valued for sentimental purposes were gone. They were all things Bella would have considered important if she was leaving town and didn't plan to come back. I checked between the mattresses, and her emergency stash of money that she kept hidden in an old sock was missing as was her passport and legal papers. If she had been abducted, the kidnapper wouldn't have known to take any of it.

Putting aside the rumors for now, there were a few facts I was certain of. Bella had left town of her own free will and hadn't been coerced or abducted. I knew she had withdrawn the majority of the money from her bank account, and she had left town in her truck. Nobody in Forks thought she was dead, her father included.

Charlie's thoughts were as cloudy and closed off to me as they had always been. I knew he missed Bella terribly, and I resolved not to meet him directly or let him know I was inquiring into Bella's disappearance. He had been through enough and there was little I'd be able to glean from his thoughts. Seeing me or having me confront him would only cause him more pain. If Bella had indeed passed from this world, I would be sure Charlie Swan was informed, but I didn't believe it myself, and I wouldn't go to him with that information on the strength of Alice's visions alone.

Of course that didn't mean I was above trying to learn what Charlie knew about Bella's disappearance. He was a policeman, and I knew he would have investigated why Bella left town and where she had gone. He might very well have an address where she was staying or a cell phone number for her. He could possibly confirm if she'd gone to Florida or not. I might be a plane ticket away from her or at least I might get some clues where to look.

I resolved to call Charlie, but I wouldn't use a name he would recognize, and I endeavored to disguise my voice when I called. I waited until he was at work and made my call during business hours.

"_Chief Swan,_" Charlie answered the phone. A receptionist had answered the phone initially and I'd only waited on hold for a minute before he picked up.

"Hello Chief Swan. I'm Richard Vera, an insurance adjuster with State Farm insurance. You're Charlie Swan, correct? Your daughter is Isabella Swan?

"_Yes, I'm Bella's father. Is something wrong? Is Bella ok?_"

"I don't know Chief Swan. I was hoping you could help me locate her. I'm working through some of our older cases to clear them up. Miss Swan was involved in a fender bender collision in the Walmart parking lot in Sequim, Washington about a year ago last October. I have a settlement check to send to her, but my contact information for her seems to be outdated. If you have a current address for her, or a telephone number, I can try to contact her directly to close this case."

"_Oh. Bella never told me about an accident, but I can see her not want to worry me. Things were a little hectic last October. She moved to South Dakota last October, but she never sent me a forwarding address. She used to call me on her cell phone, but I haven't talked to her in six or seven months. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful._"

"So you last had contact with her seven months ago? In February or March, and she was living in South Dakota?"

I was ecstatic. Alice had her vision in November. This was confirmation that Bella had been alive almost four months later.

"_Yes, I remember talking to her in February. I talked to her mother a couple of times after that, but Bella never called me back._"

"Mrs. Swan wasn't listed on the policy, would you happen to have contact information for her?"

"_Bella's mother and I are divorced. She remarried. Her name is Renée Dwyer, but I doubt if you'll be able to contact her either. Last I heard, Bella was living with her._"

"Do you have a phone number for Mrs. Dwyer?"

"_Sure…_" Charlie rattled off a cell phone number and I committed it to memory.

"Thank you for your help, Chief Swan."

"_Good luck Mr. Vera. If you get a hold of them, tell them to give me a call, will ya?_"

"Of course, Chief Swan, Good day," I ended the call.

It wasn't that I didn't trust what Charlie had told me on the phone, but there was information that you wouldn't give out to a total stranger over the phone, even if he told you your daughter had money coming from an accident. I was certain Charlie had more information. He was a policeman after all, and his daughter taking off out of town would be something he'd look into. He would have written things down to document them. If he had started an investigation, then he had to have a file on it.

I waited until late that night and then broke into the Forks police station. Forks didn't have staff on duty twenty-four/seven like big city police departments. There wasn't enough law enforcement necessity or crime to justify it. They had officers on rotation to do some late night patrols, but the Police station closed at ten o'clock at night. Phone calls to the police and emergencies were routed through the county 911 dispatcher. They would relay calls to the officers on patrol, or call the homes of off duty police officers in an emergency.

I didn't even have to break the lock or cause any damage to enter the police station. It wasn't the first time I'd been here. We'd made copies of the keys to the doors for important buildings when we'd first moved to Forks. We never knew when we might be forced to tamper with official records or remove evidence and it paid to be prepared.

I quickly made my way to Charlie's office. I didn't need any lights to see what I was doing, and rapidly searched through his files. The folder was in the file drawer in his desk.

Charlie really didn't have much information. The file confirmed that Bella had left town on October third last year. She had cleaned out her bank account. There was a letter for a scholarship, The Mary Brandon Memorial Scholarship. I'd have to ask Alice about that. The file notes confirmed that Bella had moved to the vicinity of Rapid City, South Dakota. There was no address listed, but there was a cell phone number. The file listed Renée and Phil's Address in Jacksonville, Florida and both of their cell phone numbers. There was a call log documenting when he had talked to Bella. The dates matched what he had told me on the phone.

Apparently Charlie had heard all the same rumors I had, and they were documented in the file. I knew some of them were simply impossible, and others didn't fit Bella's character act all. I discounted the veracity of all of the rumors equally, and would wait until I had facts to determine what had truly happened. I knew for a fact that Bella had spent some time with her mother. That would have to be my next step in the search.

Renée hadn't told Charlie Bella was dead and she had kept calling for a couple of months after Bella broke off contact. I couldn't think of any reason why she'd lie to him if she knew Bella was dead, so I had to assume Renée thought Bella was alive.

I tried all of the cell phone numbers after I left the police station, but they were all out of service. I ran searches on them anyhow, but I didn't get anything.

I left Forks that night and drove directly to the airport in Seattle. I didn't want to run into Victoria or her lackey's now. I purchased a ticket for Jacksonville, Florida to follow up on Renée and Bella's stepfather Phil Dwyer. I knew Bella had gone to Rapid City, South Dakota, but I was still hoping to get more clues to narrow down the search.

I called Alice while I was waiting for my flight.

"_Hello, Edward,_" Alice answered the phone.

"Why did Bella receive a scholarship from 'The Mary Brandon Memorial Scholarship' fund?"

"_We both wanted her to be able to go to school but she wouldn't take our money as a handout. I just sent it to her bank. I figured once she had it she couldn't do anything about it and they'd assume she'd applied for the scholarship._"

"How much did you send her?"

"_Twenty thousand dollars. I figured that was enough to cover the first year at any school she would have chosen to apply to without seeming too extravagant. She'd still need financial aid at a decent school, but she wouldn't have to worry. I would have sent more for the rest of the years once she was enrolled someplace. You weren't around to take care of her, and I didn't want her to have to worry about school too. She only had four thousand dollars saved up, and Charlie couldn't afford to send her to school._"

"Thank you, Alice. Can you look into her bank accounts and find out what happened to the money?"

"_Ok, but what difference does it make now, Edward? I don't want it back, and Bella can't use it anymore…_"

"She's alive, Alice. You had your vision in November, right? And those kinds of visions are instantaneous. They happen right now or within seconds?"

"_Yes… That kind of vision doesn't happen for a distant future event. It's something that's happening now or seconds later._"

"Charlie spoke to her on the phone in February. Four months after you said she died."

"_What! But that's impossible! I saw her die!_"

"You saw her severely injured. You saw her future vanish. You didn't see her body. Why can't I read her mind? We knew she was special. Something related to that injury caused her to blank out to your visions the same way she's blanked out to my mind reading. She's alive, Alice."

"_Ok… I'll dig into her bank records if you think it'll help… I'm sorry, Edward. I was convinced she was dead or I would have looked for her… I knew you were alive; I had to find you first. I thought I'd have time to mourn after I brought you home…_"

"I don't blame you Alice. I just have to find her and try and fix this… If I ever can…"

"_I can't see her future if she's still alive… I'm sorry Edward. I'll do what I can to help, but I guess this is up to you and Bella now._"

"It always was, Alice. This whole mess is entirely my fault. It's my responsibility to try and set things right. I tried to make her decisions for her instead of listening to her. I realize that now. I just pray I can find her and make this right."

"_She loves you, Edward. You hurt her terribly, but that kind of love doesn't just go away. I don't know if she'll ever be able to forgive you, but I know she won't stop loving you._"

Thank you, Alice, my flight is boarding. I have to go."

"_Alright, I'll call you when I have something on the bank records._" The call clicked off and I put my phone away.

I arrived in Jacksonville during the daytime, and had to remain in the airport until after nightfall. I rented a car and drove out to the address for Phil and Renée's house once the sun dropped over the horizon. The house wasn't simply up for sale when I arrived. It was in foreclosure. I made a mental note to look into the matter with the bank and see what had happened. Apparently the house had already been for sale before the bank had started foreclosure proceedings. I noted the name and number of the real estate company on the sign.

I went in through the back yard and entered the garage. There were several boxes stacked in the garage. The house was still fully furnished but the personal effects and clothes were missing. It looked like they'd been gone for a long time.

I looked through the boxes in the garage, but it was mostly rubbish, old clothes, cast off belongings and used seasonal decorations. Anything personal, any financial records or anything of value was gone.

I left the house and returned to the airport to wait for the day to start. I called Alice and asked her to look into Phil and Renée's financial records too while she was digging into Bella's accounts.

When it was light out, I called the bank first and inquired about the foreclosure. It was too late to cure the loan without paying the full outstanding amount of the mortgage. The foreclosure sale was already scheduled. I thanked them for the information and hung up.

I called the real estate agent that had been handling the sale of the property next. They were unwilling to discuss the property at first or any of their dealings with the Dwyer's. Their attitude soon changed when I told them I was interested in acquiring the property, and contracting with them to act as my buyer's agent.

At my prompting, they explained about the deal to pack up the personal belongings in the house. They had shipped everything to an address in Sioux City, Iowa. I thanked them for the information, and directed the real estate agent to purchase the property at the foreclosure sale and offer whatever it took to acquire the property.

I bought a ticket for Sioux City, Iowa next. I rented a car and drove to the address, but it turned out to be a storage unit rental business. The space listed in the address was empty now, and had been rented with a reloadable debit card. It was the kind of disposable debit card you could buy at Walmart or a lot of convenience stores. The address listed on the rental application turned out to be a vacant warehouse in the city. Whoever had rented the storage space had covered their tracks. It was a dead end.

Alice called me back later that afternoon while I was driving toward Rapid City. She had information for me about the money she had left for Bella. She traced her accounts, and told me she had deposited the money on a debit card. It had taken some effort and some forged documents from our attorneys but Alice had gotten access to her bank records and we knew where she had made purchases with her debit card now. Alice emailed me copies of her debit card statements so I could look at the purchase history.

I could see the pattern take shape for her trip as she had traveled east from Washington. The path made sense if she was trying to drive to Florida to go to her mother. I didn't understand why she hadn't simply bought a ticket and flown there. It was just so Bella to try and drive her ancient Chevy truck across the country.

Of course it hadn't worked. Apparently she had broken down outside Rapid City, and had been forced to have the truck towed to a garage. I went there first. I called the towing company, and found out which garage they worked with. Most towing companies had deals with garages to bring them business unless the customer specified a particular garage. The mechanic had a vague recollection of Bella. He remembered the truck more. He had made a good deal of money selling it to a parts dealer that sold spare parts to collectors and rebuilders.

He gave me their address, and I went looking for the truck. The truck was still mostly intact when I got there. The engine and transmission had been pulled, but the mechanic had said it was blown anyhow. I inquired about the truck and bought it from the parts dealer. Rosalie needed a project, and she owed me a favor. I made arrangements to have it shipped to New Hampshire and then left.

The next several expenses made sense. She had rented a room, and then apparently purchased another vehicle a couple of days later. It stopped making sense at that point. Why had she leased a house instead of continuing her trip?

The payment and withdrawal history led me to the municipal utility company in Hill City, which yielded an address where she had lived. I drove out to the cabin outside Hill City, but it was already occupied with new tenants. Bella had lived here for almost a year. She had lived here longer than she had lived in Forks and now she was gone from this place too. I wondered what had driven her from this place. Had she been happy? Had she found love? Had she healed and moved on as I had once hoped?

I drove into hill city and found the Comfort Inn. There were direct deposit payroll deposits to the debit card account. Apparently Bella had worked here at this hotel. I didn't want to openly ask questions about her. I was hoping to find an opportunity to look at their records. I rented a room so I'd have a reason to be there.

Alice called while I was settling into my room.

"_Stay at the hotel, Edward. I'm on my way out there. We need to talk._"

"We're talking now, Alice. Just tell me."

"_I have the other financial records. I'm bringing them with me._"

"Why? What's special about them?"

"_I can't discuss it on the phone. I'll be there tomorrow morning, and then we can talk._"

"Ok, I'll wait for you." The call clicked off and I put my phone away.

Alice was upset about something. Something she couldn't talk about on the phone. I knew it had to be serious, but it wouldn't do me any good to speculate about it now. I wanted to get a look at Bella's file while I waited.

I waited until very late during the night shift. The hotel was quiet and all of the guests were asleep. The housekeeper was down doing laundry, and the hostess stepped away from the front desk to go to the restroom. I ducked into the office and rapidly scanned through the employee records. I found Bella's folder and scanned each page rapidly, committing them to memory. I would review them for details later. It only took me a couple of seconds to flip through the file. I dropped it back into the cabinet, and then silently sprinted up the stairs to my room.

Bella had worked here for about four months, and had apparently been an exemplary employee. She had been praised by her supervisor and manager, and had received a good raise after completing her first ninety days. She had given two weeks notice before she left, and listed getting a higher paying job in Rapid City as the reason for leaving.

She was listed as a high school graduate. I had seen the tuition payment for the school she had gotten her diploma from. She had apparently been taking online college classes as well before she had vanished a couple of months ago. I wondered why she didn't simply enroll in college. What possible reason would she have for not going to a brick and mortar school as opposed to taking online classes? Obviously she had a reason, but I couldn't think of one.

Alice got there the next morning and knocked on the door of my hotel room. I let her in, and she looked upset about something. I knew she'd been upset when she talked to me on the phone. I was hoping she'd let me in on the secret soon. She was blocking me hard, and I couldn't pick the reason out of her head.

"I know this is going to upset you, Edward, but at the time, I thought it was the best way to deal with the problem."

"What are you talking about, Alice? I don't understand."

"Here, take a look at Renee and Phil Dwyer's credit card statements," She handed me a sheaf of papers. "And then compare them to Bella's bank records. I'm sure you'll see the pattern…"

I took the papers and sat down at the desk where I had my laptop computer setup. So Renee had flown out to Rapid City after Bella's truck broke down. I was glad she wasn't alone. She'd always claimed her mother was her best friend before she came to Forks.

Why was Renée making small purchases over a four state area? Some of the entries had an itemized listing. She was buying pork blood? Why would she buy blood… The statement abruptly ended in October. The card wasn't used after that. Bella and Renee's purchase history both abruptly stopped in October. There was no activity for months. There were some ATM cash withdrawals months later against Bella's card. She bought gas once here in Hill City.

Then the next purchase made no sense at all. Why had she paid almost four hundred dollars for colored contact lenses?

Phil's credit card statement didn't make sense either. He had driven out to Rapid City, and then crisscrossed the countryside for months. The last entry was for an online cell phone trace service. Then his purchase history abruptly ended.

"I don't understand, Alice. I see the patterns, but they don't make sense to me."

"Tell me about the house Bella rented."

I shrugged. "It was small. Cozy I suppose."

"It was secluded?"

"Yes. It took me a while to find it. You couldn't even see it from the road…"

"In the middle of the forest, a fair distance from town?"

"Yes…"

"Like something we'd pick to be away from humans but close to good hunting?"

"Yes… What are you implying, Alice? Just tell me."

Alice sighed. "I haven't been entirely honest with you, Edward. That night after the party when you asked us all to leave… I helped Carlisle pack his study when you left to go hunt. I left Carlisle's syringes of research venom behind in the cabinet."

"What! Why would you do that Alice?"

"I knew you'd never change Bella. You were so set against it, but we all knew it was the only way you'd ever accept your relationship with her. A couple of weeks after we left, I went back to Forks and left the combination to the cabinet in a note for Bella in my bedroom. I don't know for certain that she took them. Her future was so hazy by that point, I just didn't know anymore. I was hoping she'd get curious when she got the scholarship money and go looking for clues. I checked the house before Emmett and I started looking for you. The note and the syringes were gone."

"Oh my god, Alice! You think she used the venom, don't you? How could you do that to her?"

"It all fits, Edward… Honestly, I don't understand why she waited so long, but apparently something happened in October or November that made her use the venom. Some life threatening accident? I don't know, but she holed up in that cabin in the woods for months, probably until she could be around people again. We have to assume Bella is a vampire now, if she's still alive."

"Four months? That's really pushing it, even for somebody with good control…"

"What choice did she have? She couldn't stay in a cabin in the woods forever. The money wasn't going to last forever, and she doesn't have our resources."

"Jesus, Alice! How could you let this happen to her!"

"Hey, don't put this off on me as all my fault! None of this would have happened if you hadn't left her! I assumed she'd have sense enough to go to Denali to look for us! Not try and drive cross country to Florida to look for her mom!"

"She had to deal with be being a newborn all alone, Alice! We should have been there for her!"

"We would have been if you hadn't made us all leave!"

I hung my head in shame. She was right. She'd always been right. I knew better than to bet against Alice, and she'd seen Bella as a vampire. Now Bella had been forced to pay the price for my stupidity.

"What do you think happened to Renee?"

"I don't know, Edward. Nobody has heard from her since she came out here to help Bella. I don't see her in my visions, but then I never did except for a few fleeting glimpses."

"She was buying blood, Alice. She knows."

"Edward… Bella was a newborn when Renée was with her…"

"Yes…"

"Then we have to assume that either she was changed too, or she's dead…"

"Oh this just gets better and better…"

"No, it gets worse."

"Worse? How?"

"You saw Phil Dwyer's credit statement… He was looking for them. Apparently he found them."

"Oh god…!"

"Yes, we have to assume that either he was changed too, or he's dead…"

"Bella is never going to forgive us when we find her, is she?"

"I suppose all we can do is find her and ask her. It shouldn't have happened like this, but she wanted this life…"

"She wanted me, Alice. She was willing to accept this existence as the price of being with me. You and I both know she had an unrealistic overly romanticized view of what this would be like. She viewed being a vampire through rose colored glasses. By now, she's had to deal with the down and dirty realities of what this existence entails. She has every right to hate us."

"She's been a most controlled newborn, Edward. There's been no spike in the homicide rate for this area. She knows how we lived and she knows the rules. Jasper explained the facts of life to her, despite how much you wanted her to stay in the dark about the realities of our world. We just have to find her."

"That's not going to be easy, Alice. She learned her lessons well, watching all of us. She's covering her tracks. We aren't going to find anymore records with her name on them. The trail ends here. There are no leads showing where they might have moved on to."

I thought back to the afternoon in Port Angeles a couple of years ago when Bella had gone shopping with Angela and Jessica. I had been panicked because I had let her out of my sight for a couple of minutes and it was so difficult to find her when I knew where she was. She was in the same city, and I knew she was only a couple of blocks away. It had been nearly impossible to locate her. I'd gotten lucky and seen her through her attacker's eyes.

This time she was lost somewhere in an entire country, possibly the world. I didn't even know what state she was in let alone which city. I didn't know if she was alone or with at least Renée. I didn't even know what name she was using. Alice couldn't see her future, and I couldn't hear her thoughts. I would search for her, but I knew it would be blind luck if I ever saw Bella Swan again.

**Author's Note:**

I know some of you are probably wondering why Alice can't see Bella's future in her visions. The typical reason given why Alice's gift even works on Bella in the first place, but mostly nobody elses do, is that Alice's ability to see the future isn't a mental ability, but is based on the decisions that people make.

I have made one subtle change or clarification in this AU which alters Alice's ability to see Bella's future. She still sees people's futures based on the decisions they make, but her ability to see those decisions is a mental ability that is blocked by Bella's shield. When Bella was human, her shield was weak enough that Alice could still see her decisions. As soon as she was injected with the venom, her shield became strong enough that it blocks Alice's ability to see her decisions.

Alice's ability to see the future is not limited by range, whereas Edward has a definite range limit. This would seem to indicate that Alice's ability is stronger than Edward's. I've seen this in another couple of fics I've read, where Bella's shield was able to block Alice from seeing her future, although the reasoning was different or not explained.

Logically, the next question is most likely; why didn't Alice see her go through the change if her stronger shield was a side effect of her change? Don't gifts take effect when they wake up? No, they become aware of them when they wake up if there is something obvious to tip them off to the fact that they even have a gift.

In all of the changes described in this story, the first thing to change is the expansion of the mind and the enhancement to senses. Any mental abilities that develop, change or form during the change happen almost immediately as well. Obviously the person in question is too busy changing to notice whether or not they have a gift.

That's why Alice's vision of Bella suddenly stops and blacks out. Once Elizabeth was delivered and moved to the bassinette, she wasn't blocking Alice's ability to see Bella anymore, and the life threatening clarity of the vision became apparent. Then when Renee injected her with the venom, the vision disappeared to Alice as Bella's mind expanded and her shield became stronger.

If you liked this story, please review and let me know what you think. Even if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear from you. I read all the reviews, even if I don't answer all of them. If you have questions, I try to answer then without giving away too much of the plot.


	13. Chapter 13 Growing Up – Part 1

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **EPOV (Elizabeth) Elizabeth is taking a turn for a while. Bella will continue the story later. Edward and Alice may have another say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 13 Growing Up – Part 1

EPOV (Elizabeth)

I knew I was never going to have a normal childhood growing up with my family, but then I knew I was different even before I was born.

I was certain my mother knew it before I was born, too. I had been privy to the internal monologue of her thoughts when we shared a body and I was still growing within her. I could sense her feelings, the unconditional love for me, her fears for her physical body and her concerns over whether she would live or die giving birth to me. I knew her conviction to persevere, regardless to the consequences to her own well being as long as I was safe. I knew her fears that she might be bringing a monster into the world, but her love for me prevented her from consciously exploring that notion.

From a truly human perspective, she was absolutely correct. I was a monster from a human point of view. That was the way nature had intended it. I'm sure the seal considered the great white shark to be a monster or the mice considered the cat to be a monster. It was natural for the prey to consider their natural predator to be a monster.

Unfortunately, mom persisted in looking at the world from a human perspective after her change. She enjoyed the illusion that we could have a life that approached what was normal for humans. She had been born human and strived to recreate that lifestyle despite the fact that none of us were human anymore.

I knew just how very different I was the first time I watched TV and started to assimilate what was normal for humans, but I knew instinctively that it wasn't normal for us. We had to fit into human society because blending in was a necessary survival imperative. We couldn't let the prey know we walked among them. We didn't want to spook the herd.

All of my family fought against their natural instincts and felt that it was bad or wrong to prey upon humans for food. I really didn't understand why they fought so hard against their nature, but I wasn't going to go against the flow or 'rock the boat' as grandma liked to say. I didn't have the bloodlust that the rest of my family struggled to control. There was no physical imperative to feed on humans. My throat didn't burn from their scent although they did smell better than any other food I had ever eaten.

I just knew from the time I was born that humans were my intended prey animal. I was a predator, and I was designed to stalk, hunt and feed on humans. It wasn't because I was bad or evil or some sort of demonic monster anymore than a mountain lion was a monster because it ate poor defenseless deer.

It was my nature, and it was what I was evolved to do. Telling me not to eat humans was like telling a cheetah, 'don't eat that gazelle, eating gazelles is wrong, here have a nice bowl of broccoli instead'.

But I wasn't going to rock the boat. If Mom wanted to eat broccoli and tell me she enjoyed it, I'd let her live her delusion. She was my mother, and I loved her more than anything else. Her happiness was very important to me and if she knew how I really felt, it would cause her pain.

I figured eventually she'd get over this broccoli phase and we could live like nature intended us to. It wasn't like she'd never tasted human blood before. She just felt that fighting her nature was the right thing to do. It was a left over human perspective from before her change, but it was what she believed. Given her chosen career path, I knew it was only a matter of time before she gave in to her nature. I could wait. Eating animals was ok with me, but I preferred decent predator hunting as opposed to easy bland prey like deer or elk.

I remembered every minute of my life in crystal clarity from the time I became aware during the last half of Mom's pregnancy before I was born. I remembered being warm and safe and so incredibly loved, but being so cramped and confined. I tried to stretch and get comfortable but I knew I was getting too big for the warm safe place.

I remembered being born. I didn't understand words at the time although I had already absorbed a considerable amount of raw facts and basic knowledge directly from mom. Hearing grandma yell that the placenta had detached was just so much sound to me at the time. I know what it meant now, looking back at the memory. At the time, I just knew I couldn't breathe anymore. I had acted on instinct to escape. Something inside of me knew that if I could escape from the warm safe place, I'd be able to breathe again. Breathing was necessary. I needed the oxygen to survive.

Instinct prompted me to bite my way out into the air outside the womb. Instinct was my friend. It had guided me and saved my life. It led me to do what I needed to do to survive. Suppressing my natural instincts and trying to live another way just seemed so absolutely wrong to me. Who was I to think that I was smarter than millions of years of evolution? If it had worked for all of those who had come before me, who was I to choose a different way of living just because humans had managed to develop intelligence and a civilization over the last couple of hundred millennia?

Personally, I was betting on 60 million years of evolution over 20,000 years of civilization, but like I said, I'd wait for Mom to wake up and smell the humans.

We were happy living in the cabin by Hill City. I loved running in the forest and stalking close to the human towns to watch the humans living their lives. Mom had told me biting humans was bad, but they smelled so much better than deer. I didn't mind doing what she asked, as long as it kept her happy. She seemed so sad sometimes when she thought I was asleep or wasn't watching.

Intellectually, I was probably on about the same level as Mom and Grandma from the time I was six months old, but they had more years of life experience, general knowledge, and education than I did. I was as smart as them, but I was a blank slate as I absorbed information about the world around me. I suppose that accounted for the apparent difference in our levels of maturity. Besides, they wanted to think of me as an innocent little girl. I had seen how little girls were supposed to act on TV, and I had read about them in many books. I was willing to play my part if it made them happy. Besides, I knew I wouldn't have to do it for long. I knew how fast I was aging and how soon I would grow up. It didn't worry me like it worried Mom. It was my life, and I'd live as much of it as I was allowed.

Mom didn't let me go into town very often or go to the city with her, but I understood why. I was still growing much faster than humans did, and if the humans saw me, they'd know I was different. We'd have to move if they figured out I was different, and we weren't ready to move yet. When I was little, I would have been content to just live in the wilderness with the animals we hunted. I was low maintenance as a child.

Mom and grandma needed a certain level of involvement in the human world to be comfortable, and that required money. I knew Mom was hunting humans, but she didn't want to eat them. She wanted their money. I could accept that. It made sense to me. I had learned the concept of money before I was three months old. Money was what humans traded for the things they wanted, instead of hunting. Well, most humans that is.

After grandpa Phil came to live with us, Mom had tried to explain the concept of good humans as opposed to bad humans. In Mom's mind, 'good' humans were the hard working sheep that made up most of the herd. They went to their jobs, earned a living and provided for their families. They obeyed the human's laws, and didn't rock the boat. 'Bad' humans were predators that preyed upon their 'good' human brethren and broke the human's laws.

Grandpa Phil had some limited experience dealing with human predators when he was human. He taught Mom what he knew about them so she could hunt them without standing out from the crowd and expose us to the rest of the herd. Grandma didn't like the idea, but she knew it was necessary to our survival, so she didn't complain much.

Mom was successful in her first hunt, but we had to move. I was still little and slept a lot back then. Grandma and grandpa had packed up in the middle of the night and we had driven across South Dakota until the sun started to rise and we had to find shelter. Mom, grandma and grandpa stood out from humans in the bright sunlight and it would be obvious that they were different. They couldn't go out where humans would see them in the sun. I didn't stand out so much when I was little, and didn't have that problem.

**1 years old – 3.58 human years **

We ended up settling down outside a small town in Northwest Iowa. Grandma found a small acreage out in the country, about halfway between Spencer and Storm Lake, Iowa. It was in the heart of the Corn Belt, and there were endless fields of green in every direction as far as the eye could see and beyond. I missed the forest and hill country of the Black hills, but there was good hunting in Iowa.

Deer were very abundant and were actually a nuisance to the farmers. They did hundreds of thousands of dollars in crop damage every year, but were still carefully managed by the local Department of Natural Resources. There was very limited lion hunting. Lions were even more carefully managed than they had been in the Black Hills. Bear were very rare to the point of being nonexistent, but there were coyote and bobcats and foxes.

We were living in Iowa when I finally decided to ask Mom about my father. I knew it was a sore subject with her, but I was curious and wanted more information about him. I knew he was a vampire, and I knew his name, but that was about it.

Mom had given me 'the talk' when grandpa Phil came to live with us. It had been pretty necessary at the time because I was curious about what grandma and grandpa were doing together. I understood about sex and where babies came from now, and I knew Mom had been in a relationship with my father. I wanted to know why he wasn't with us too. Grandma had been so much happier after grandpa came to live with us. I knew Mom was sad because my father wasn't with us.

I waited until grandma and grandpa were out hunting to ask her about him. I knew she'd appreciate keeping this private. Grandma and grandpa had made their feelings plain about what they thought of my father when they didn't think I could hear them talking.

I was laying down pretending to take a nap so grandma and grandpa wouldn't ask me to go hunting with them. Mom was sitting in the living room working on a paper for her college classes. I got up and went out and curled up on the couch next to her when I knew they were far enough away.

She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and gave me a hug, and leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

"Did you have a good nap, baby girl?"

"Yes," I lied. Then I plunged on ahead before I lost my nerve. "Momma, why doesn't my father live with us?"

"What brought this on all of a sudden?" Mom asked, but she put her laptop down on the coffee table and pulled me onto her lap.

I shrugged. "I hear you and grandma and grandpa talk about him sometimes. They don't like him very much. You always seem so unhappy after you talk about him. I can tell you get sad when you think about him. We don't have to talk about this if it hurts too much…"

"No, it's ok. You deserve to know about your father. You're just growing up so fast… I thought I'd have more time before you got curious about him, that's all."

I looked at her expectantly. I knew she remembered the question. I waited for her answer.

"How much have you already figured out on your own?" Mom asked instead.

I knew she was on to me, but the little girl act was more comfortable for grandma and grandpa.

"Not much. Everybody is pretty tight lipped, and you all stop talking about him when you think I can hear. I know his name is Edward and he's a vampire."

"Would you like to see a picture of him?"

"Sure…"

Mom reached to the computer and scrolled through the explorer menu, and then opened a picture.

He was very pale as I would expect for a vampire and his facial features were perfect and angular - high cheekbones, a strong jaw line, and a straight nose and full lips. His hair was exactly the same unusual reddish brown bronze shade as mine, but in perfect messy disarray. His eyes were topaz or liquid gold just like Mom's. He was tall, I estimated about six foot two, and was slender but muscular with a perfect body. He appeared boyish but his eyes made him look older to me. He was wearing a light colored button down shirt, jeans and a light jacket. He was standing in a small kitchen with bright yellow cabinets in the background as he smiled at the camera.

Mom glanced at the picture, and then looked away. I could feel her wince and tighten up when she looked at it.

"Your father's name is Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. Masen was his surname when he was human. Cullen is the surname of his adopted vampire family. His adoptive parents are Carlisle and Esme. He has two brothers, Emmett and Jasper, and two sisters, Alice and Rosalie. You're named after your father's biological mother, Elizabeth Masen, but she died almost a hundred years ago."

I mentally cataloged the information. I had an extended family with aunts and uncles and another set of grandparents I had never even heard of before this.

"That's a big family, momma, but you haven't answered my question."

Mom sighed. "Your father doesn't know about you Elizabeth."

"Oh…" I was a little shocked as I processed that information. I had heard the stories from grandma and Mom, and I knew her pregnancy with me had been abnormally short compared to a human pregnancy. It didn't make sense that he didn't know about me.

"Why doesn't he know about me, momma?"

"He left me before he knew I was pregnant with you."

"He left you? What about his family? Didn't they tell him?"

"They all left, Elizabeth. There was an incident that scared your father. I was still human, and he was afraid I'd be hurt."

"They all left? How could he not know you were pregnant? Pardon me for being indelicate, but you were in a relationship and obviously you were having sex. Why did he leave? Was he a rake and spoiler like George Wickham in Pride and Prejudice?"

"No! Your father is an honorable man. I refuse to believe that he would have left if he knew about you, Elizabeth. He would have stayed with me and loved you. He's more like Mr. Darcy, though, prideful and arrogant and headstrong. He had the same brooding nature before he met me. He was always convinced he knew what was best for me and everyone around us."

"So why did he leave you?"

"I was still human, and there was an accident. Somebody important to him snapped at me. The blood lust got to be too much for them to handle. His worst fear was that something would happen to me because of what he was. Your father said he was tired of trying to pretend to be human for me. I guess he got bored. He said he didn't want me anymore. He said I wasn't good for him…"

"I'm so sorry, momma! He doesn't deserve you! I love you, momma."

"I love you too, Elizabeth…"

"No! I don't want you to call me that anymore. That name is from his family. He didn't want us. I don't want his name anymore."

"He'd want you if he knew about you, Eliz… Renesmee."

I winced at that name. "Momma!"

"Well, what do you want me to call you? You said you don't want to use your given name anymore, and Renesmee is your middle name. It's a combination of grandma Renée's name and your grandma Esme's name. You might be upset with your father, but I refuse to allow you to be upset with Esme. She was always very kind to me and treated me like a daughter."

"Fine, Renesmee will do for now... Why couldn't you have picked something simple like Mary or Jane? You love Austen novels. Why did you have to decide to get creative?"

"Well, it is your middle name, and I did name you Elizabeth, after all."

"Is that why we're officially the Bennets' now?"

Mom gave me a sheepish grin. "If I'm going to pay that kind of money for papers and documents, why not live out my fantasies? You know you're Elizabeth Bennet according to your birth certificate."

"You know, that makes you Mrs. Bennet then."

"I don't think I'm quite that frivolous or flighty, and I'm in no hurry to marry you off."

We both laughed and I hugged her around the neck.

"I love you, Momma."

"I love you too, Renesmee." I winced again when she called me that, but I'd told her it was ok...

Ugg! I hated that name, but I'd just have to get used to it. I wasn't going to let them use that other name anymore. It made me mad just thinking about what my father had done to my mother and I didn't want to be named after somebody in his family. I understood why grandma and grandpa were so mad at him now.

I looked back at the picture on the computer monitor and scowled at the image of my father. Mom saw my expression, and reached over and closed the picture.

"Your father would love you very dearly if he knew about you. If we ever cross paths again, I have every intention of telling him about you. I know his family would accept you and welcome you with open arms."

"What about you and grandma and grandpa?"

Mom shrugged. "I got along with most of them. The only thing that kept me from being part of the family was because I was still human. That's not a problem anymore. I'm sure they'd accept us. Your father would know about you if he hadn't left me, and I still would have had to be changed when you were born. I'm just not sure I want to go looking for them. If they wanted us, they would have found us by now."

"How would they find us? Didn't we leave South Dakota to get away from the vampires you ran across there? If we avoid contact with other vampires how would they even know where to look for us? I know we aren't very common, or even a tiny fraction of the population, but stories would get around."

"I'm trying to avoid stories spreading until you look older. I don't want some vampire to mistake you for an immortal child and bring the Italians down on our heads, but your father's family wouldn't need stories or rumors to find us. Your Aunt Alice is gifted. She can see visions of the future. If she wanted to find us, I know she would have seen us by now."

"Oh… That's a powerful gift. Was she your friend?"

Mom nodded. "She was my best friend. We were close, like sisters. I'd be dead now if it wasn't for her. The only thing I can think of is your father must have assumed I'd have moved on by now, and asked her not to look at my future. He was convinced that remaining human was best for me. I can't believe Alice hasn't come looking for us, though. She was always very independent, and wouldn't put up with your father's crap, at least most of the time."

"I'm sure she has her reasons why she isn't looking for us…"

Mom shrugged. "It's a moot point. I'll never really know until we run across them again, and then I'm sure she'll tell me. I'm sure they'll all have their excuses. That doesn't change the fact that they aren't here now. I'll worry about it if we ever see them again."

I could tell she didn't want to talk about this anymore. I had more information than when I started, and I knew we could talk about this now.

I changed the subject. "What were you working on when I came in?" I asked.

Mom gave a little sigh of relief and relaxed a little bit. She reached across to the computer and brought the document back up.

"Just my comparison-contrast paper for my English Comp class. I've got the rough draft done. I'm just editing and polishing now."

"Do you need any help?"

"No, this is pretty easy stuff, but I'll let you proof read it when I'm done, ok?"

"Ok. I'm going to go outside and play…"

"Play?"

"I'm still a little girl, Mom. Playing is fun. Maybe I'll run down to the river for a while."

"Ok, but don't go too far. Do you want me to come with you? I can work on this later when you're asleep."

"Sure, if you want to."

"I always want to spend time with you… Renesmee." I winced again, and Mom smirked.

I think she enjoyed rubbing it in a little too much. I could tell she really liked that name, but at least she'd made it my middle name because it was so odd.

I jumped up and danced to the back door and mom followed me out into the yard. It was late march and most of the snow was melted now. Sometimes I stayed up late in the morning and watched the tractors go by doing field work, preparing the soil for planting. It had been harvest time when we moved here and everything had been yellow and brown. That had given way to endless stretches of white as snow covered the plains. The fields around the house were black and earthy smelling now, but I knew in another couple of weeks, everything would be green again.

I ran for the swing set and jumped up onto the swing seat.

"Come push me, Momma," I called, and mom laughed as she followed over behind me and started to push me on the swing.

What can I say? I had got a thing for swing sets when I was little. So I was intelligent and wise beyond my years. I was still only one year old and had a body that matched the development of a four year old human. The swing was fun, and I enjoyed the sensation of rushing through the air. It was different than running, it was more like flying as mom stood behind me and pushed me high into the air.

I laughed when mom tickled my sides when she caught me and reached high to push me forward again. She used just the right amount of force to make me soar high over the yard as the chains stretched out straight from the pipe at the top of the frame.

There was a full moon out tonight, and the moonlight painted everything with a soft iridescent silvery glow as I sailed up to the top of the arc. I could see for miles out across the empty fields as I rose high into the air. Then I'd get the delicious thrill of falling back through the arc as gravity pulled me down against the chains and I swung back to mom's waiting hands.

I knew how to shift my weight and make the swing go by myself, but it was always more fun to have somebody push me on the swing. I enjoyed the exhilarating rush of the motion, and mom enjoyed the closeness we shared spending time together just having fun.

I let her push me for a while, and then I let go and flipped out of the swing at the top of the arc. I flew higher as the swing launched me into the air. Mom was expecting it and dashed forward out in front of the swing set. I somersaulted in midair and she caught me as I came down. I would have landed easily on my feet, but she was a little overprotective sometimes and it was fun for both of us when she caught me.

"Let's run," I said, and she let me go as I jumped down and took off towards the river.

There were a lot of small lakes, wetlands, and rivers throughout the countryside. They helped to break up the monotony of the endless fields of farmland. When people thought plains, they typically expected the landscape to be flat as a board for as far as the eye could see. The truth was the countryside was endless low rolling hills. Nothing like the black hills, but it wasn't endlessly flat either as you moved into the shallow valley between hills and the crested the peak of the next low rise.

Older towns and roads were typically built in the worst locations for farming. If the terrain was too steep or hilly and couldn't be easily farmed, that's where you'd be more than likely to find a town. Other roads out on the flat followed the township and meridian grid with roads running straight north and south or east and west.

Trees grew where there was water or where humans had built houses or towns. You could easily pick out the farmhouses in the distance from the clumps of trees that grew around them. The trees provided shade from the summer heat, broke the wind that blew across the plains, and helped prevent the snow from drifting too deep around the buildings that the humans built.

The river was about two miles from the house. It meandered through the countryside running mostly east and west close to the house, but turned more southerly further east. There was a wide forested swath a couple of hundred yards wide along most of the course of the river. Most of the trees already had their leaves back and the undergrowth provided cover for a lot of different game. It was a good place to hunt to get a little variety in your diet. There was raccoon, badger and fox all hunting their own prey, and every scrap of cover across the plains was thick with deer as they waited for the thicker cover of the tall farm fields to sprout with corn and soybeans.

Mom followed behind me as I ran down into the trees along the river. I could outpace her for short bursts of speed, but she had limitless endurance, and didn't have to slow down. Tonight she was content to let me move at my own pace as she trailed me into the trees. I wasn't interested in hunting. I'd been out with mom a couple of night ago, and I was good for now. I had another destination in mind.

I crisscrossed back and forth across the river as I flew threw the trees having fun. Mostly I stayed in the branches as high above the ground as I could manage, rarely touching down unless I had too. The river was only fifty feet across in most places, some wider, some narrower and I easily sailed across the open spaces, running along the branches and then launching myself into space to move across to the next tree. Mom spent more time on the ground dodging between the trunks, but using all of my limbs and moving through the treetops gave me a slight advantage in speed.

We worked our way west along the course of the river. Eventually it would pass by the sleeping town up ahead, but I wasn't going that far. Humans mostly slept at night, and there wouldn't be anything to see there. The river ran through the county park, and there was a playground in the camping area. It was still too early in the season for anyone to be camping yet and I knew the park would be empty.

I did a quick circuit of the park to make sure first. There were no tents or campers, and the parking area was empty. There were only the lingering scents of humans, and there weren't any of their delicious compelling heartbeats to distract me.

I dropped out of the treetops when I was sure the coast was clear and ran into the playground. My goal was in sight, and I squealed when I jumped onto the merry-go-round. My momentum from the leap got it spinning as I grabbed the bars of the frame on top, and I laughed as it went around.

"Come push me, Momma," I yelled as it started to slow down. It was like the swing; I could make it go, but it was always more fun when somebody else pushed you.

"Ok, but hang on tight," mom said as she appeared next to the merry-go-round, and took hold of the frame. She gave it a push, and then reached for the next frame as it whipped past and pushed it around building speed.

I sat inside the upright frames so the centrifugal force of the rotation pushed me against the bars as the speed of the rotation tried to throw me outward away from the merry-go-round. I loved this almost as much as the swings and I was glad I had found this park.

We'd found another park with a merry-go-round when we lived in the Black Hills, but we'd spun it too fast and burned out the bearings. We knew better than to try and spin this one too fast, and I knew mom would keep track of heat coming off the center hub so we didn't cause too much friction and seize the bearing in this one.

I stood up inside the merry-go-round, with my shoulders braced against the framework and looked up at the sky. I could feel my long bronze colored hair flying out behind me away from the center as I watched the stars spin around the moon high overhead.

I laughed with my head thrown back. I knew mom would keep pushing as long as I wanted her too, but I didn't want to break the merry-go-round; it was too much fun, and I wanted be able to keep coming back here.

I waited until I passed where mom was standing, and then I flipped around to the outside of the framework.

I held on with both hands until my target came into view, and then I pushed off with me feet, letting the momentum launch me into the air even faster than I could have leapt on my own.

I sprang across to the monkey bars and caught the highest bar with both hands, flipping around the bar letting the speed swing me all the way around and let go at the top of the arc.

I sailed through the air and landed perched on the top bar of the swing set on the other side of the playground, and then slid down onto the swing. Mom was waiting for me when I got there, and started to push me before I even had to ask her.

"Show off," mom teased as she pushed me high into the air.

This swing set was taller than the one at the house, and I could swing higher and see further out across the plains. I could see clearly to the horizon. My view was only limited by weather, terrain features and the curvature of the earth as distant objects dropped below the horizon line. By swinging higher, I could see further.

I laughed. "It's a playground, momma. I'm supposed to play on the equipment."

"Most kids run to the swings. They don't leap fifty feet across the park and land on top of them."

"I'm not most kids. Do you really wish I was a boring little girl who cries when I fall down and screams because you spin the merry-go-round to fast?"

"I love you no matter who or what you are, you little monkey. You're my baby girl, and you always will be. I'll always love you."

"I love you too, Momma. Little monkey? I guess that's better than Renesmee." I was swinging high, and I studied the landscape as I hit the top of the arc.

"Grandma and grandpa are on they're way back to the house. We can cut them off and meet them on the way back if we cut across the fields."

"Ok, if you're ready to head home already."

"Sure, I told Grandpa Phil that I'd offer him a rematch at chess, best two out of three."

The swing rose to the apex of the arc and I let go of the chains. I flew away from the swing sailing forward and landed lightly on the balls of my feet, already running before I touched the grass. I shot out of the park like an arrow shot from a bow and used my burst of speed to its full advantage. I could keep going for this longer and longer the older I got, and I knew I wouldn't have to slow down until we got to Grandma and grandpa.

Mom easily kept up with me. I had pulled away a little in the beginning, but she'd caught up and paced along beside me as I led the way. I knew I would be able to slow down when we caught up to Grandma and grandpa. Besides, one of them would most likely want to carry me anyhow. That was one of the perks of being little.

I'd seen them approaching the swath of trees along the river from the north. They were sure to duck into the cover, and emerge from the tree line closer to the house. I was running for the place where I knew they would appear.

I launched myself forward when I saw the start to emerge from the trees. I leapt, and Grandpa Phil caught me and lifted me onto his shoulder with out breaking stride as they continued their easy lope toward the house. It wasn't as fast as mom ran, but it was an easy pace they could keep up for days as it ate miles. Not quite up to vampire standards, but it would have put a human marathon runner to shame.

"Glad to see you finally decided to haul your lazy butt out of bed, Sweet Pea. Did you have a good nap?"

I could tell from grandpa Phil's patronizing tone that he knew it was an act, but he played along. We got along, and he understood me. He knew I had my reasons.

"Yes, I did, thank you," I said.

"So what do we owe this welcoming committee to, Lizzy?" Grandma asked.

"Renesmee doesn't want you to call her that anymore, mom," Mom said to Grandma.

She must have seen me wince. I didn't know which was worse. My first name made me hurt inside because my father didn't want us. Maybe he had left mom, but what affected her affected me, and I couldn't help but associate that name with him. My middle name was almost as bad, but I just hated the way it sounded and the fact that it was so strange. Every survival instinct I had cried out to me to blend in and stay inconspicuous and it wasn't an inconspicuous kind of name.

"We were just out playing and going for a run. She saw you from the top of the swings, and wanted to come meet you."

"Renesmee? Really? What brought this on?" Grandma asked.

"We talked. She wanted to know about her father…"

"Oh… Come here, baby. Are you alright?" Grandma held out her arms, and I lightly jumped off Grandpa's shoulder into her arms. I reached up and placed my hand on her cheek and showed her what mom and I had talked about.

"Huh, so that's why we're the Bennets'?" Grandma glared at mom for a minute. "Well, at least now you know about your father. We can start calling you Renesmee if that's what you'd like." I winced again, but I nodded.

Then I felt a big pair of hand close around me as Grandpa Phil scooped me out of grandma's arms and pulled me back onto his shoulder.

"I never liked that name very much. It sounds funny, and it's really too much of a mouthful for a tiny little monster like you. How about Nessie? That's easier on the ears, and it reminds me of you."

"Nessie? I like the ring of that," grandma said.

"Phil!" Mom exclaimed, horrified. "You are not going to name my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster! Her name is Renesmee!"

"She looks like a Nessie to me." Grandpa Phil said and winked at me. "Nessie in Scotland won't mind. All us monsters share and share alike. If it really bugs you, why don't we let Nessie pick out a name she likes, next time we move and get new papers?"

"Fine," mom said.

I knew she didn't like it, but it was better than Renesmee or Elizabeth. I reached down and lay my hand on Grandpa Phil's cheek, and let him feel how grateful I was and how much I loved him. I leaned down and kissed the top of his head, and then we were home.

"Ok, Nessie. Get the chess board set up! I've been studying up on some new strategies, and I'm beating you this time!"

I jumped down to go set up the game, and Mom and Grandma just smiled at me as I ran into the house.

**2 years old – 5.91 human years**

We moved again after we had lived at the farmhouse for a little over a year. We didn't have to run and we didn't suspect that anyone thought anything out of the ordinary was going on. It was just ordinary precaution. Mom didn't want to stay in any one place too long when I was little. She hardly ever took me into town during the day, and I'd never met any of our neighbors. We always drove a long ways when she took me shopping with her, and we almost never went to the same place twice.

Our new house was still in Iowa, but closer to eastern Iowa. It was deep in the rural countryside in the middle of endless fields of green, but there were still scattered forested patches of trees and high cover for game and another river close by the house. It was something we looked for when we moved to make it easier to get around through the heavy cover along the river and to have easy access to game for hunting.

They thought I was already asleep, but I heard mom come in. I really didn't need to sleep as much as I did when I was little, but I maintained the illusion for the rest of the family. I knew it bothered them that I changed so fast and was growing up so quickly. Little things like pretending to sleep more when I didn't need to and playing up the little girl act helped keep them happy so I played my part.

Grandma and Grandpa were still up when mom got home. I'd heard her car pull into the driveway and the door open when she walked in. She was rummaging around in the cabinets, looking for something. I'd thought about getting up to go greet her, but she was talking to Grandma and Grandpa, and I didn't want to interrupt. They were trying to keep their voices down so they wouldn't wake me up, but I could hear every word.

"_Jesus, Bella, again?_" Grandma said. "_This is the second time in less than six months!_"

"_It was an accident… He had a knife…he tried to use the girl as a shield…_"

"_Here you go, Bella,_" Grandpa said. I heard the scrape of fingers on cardboard as he handed her the box.

"_Thanks, Phil. I thought we still had some of these contacts left from the last batch._"

"_There aren't enough to wear them twenty-four seven until the red fades again,_" Grandma said. "_Besides, she's going to know you're wearing contacts…_"

"_I know, mom. These aren't for Nessie. She'll understand… I need to go back into the city again tonight._"

"_Again? You push yourself too much, Bella. You wouldn't have accidents like this if you didn't go looking for trouble…_"

"_That girl was thirteen years old, and I caught him in the act! Was I supposed to just walk away or call the police and then stand there and watch until they showed up? She'd be dead now too, like the rest! You found the first body, mom! You know what he was doing. His scent was all over that stretch of river where he was dumping the bodies! I'm not sorry he's dead. The world is a better place without him._"

"_What about the girl… Did you…?_"

"_No!_" Mom exclaimed shocked.

"_I just thought… If you… you know…, with him… How did you stop?_"

"_He got cut when I tried to take the knife away… I couldn't stop… The girl fainted when he was… You know, before I stopped him… She didn't see anything. I had enough control to resist once I was done with him and then the bloodlust faded. I cleaned up and called 911 from the phone in the apartment, then I took the body and left._"

"_What did you do with it?_" Grandpa Phil asked.

"_Dumped it in the river where he was dumping the other bodies. I thought it was appropriate._"

"_Ok, so you got him. Chalk up one for the good guys; One less serial rapist in the world. Why do you have to go back to the city tonight?_" Grandma asked. She didn't sound happy about it.

"_That wasn't the only case I'm working on, mom. While shutting down rapists and murders might be the right thing to do, it doesn't pay the bills. I've got a line on some drug dealers, and when they make their next big deal, I'm gonna bust them._"

"_We don't need the money, Bella. Hell, we still have cash from that job in Rapid City two years ago. We haven't even touched the cash from that prostitution ring you shut down six months ago. We can only call so much your salary to deposit small amounts of cash, or we'll tip off the IRS. If we claim its gambling winnings, we'll have to give a third of it to the government, and they'll still investigate if the amounts are too large._"

"_Do you want me to walk away and let all those drugs hit the streets? Busting up the buy does the most amount of damage to both of their operations. It hurts both the sellers and buyers. It keeps the drugs off the streets and takes their money out of the system._"

"_No… It's just… When we were in Hill City, you said we'd open a legitimate business. If we had a business, we could filter this money back into the system as profits. I know you think you're doing the right thing… I know you're probably killing more of them than you tell us about… I just don't like it._"

"_Not when I can avoid it, mom. If they think I'm human, I can let them walk away. If my true nature comes out, I have to protect the secret. You know that. I can't let rumors start or the Italian's will be back to warn me…Or worse… They don't care if I hunt human predators as long as I'm discrete. That means no witnesses, but I won't hurt innocents or cops. I'm careful…_"

"_Says the girl with the bright red eyes… How careful was that?_"

"_You don't know what that's like… God, I hope you never do…_"

"_Fine, I'm going to bed. Phil, are you coming?_"

"_I'll be along in a minute…_" Grandpa said.

"_Good morning, mom…_"

I heard Grandma walk down the hall, and then her bedroom door slammed.

"_Don't let her upset you, Bella. I know you're doing the right thing. It just upsets her when she sees you like this. You're so much stronger than her when it comes to control. She still struggles when she's around humans. It scares her when you slip._"

"_I know, Phil. I'm sorry, but it really was an accident…_"

"_I believe you. Do you need any help tonight? I could go with you…_"

"_No. I've got this covered. It's just a stake out. I'm still waiting to hear when the deals going to go down. It could be days before something happens. Besides, mom doesn't like me going. You'd never hear the end of it if you helped me. It makes it easier for me to do what I have to do because I know you're here to take care of mom and Nessie._"

"_Ok. Well, I'm here if you need me, Bella…_"

"_Thanks, Phil. Good morning._"

I heard Grandpa walk down the hall and the bedroom door opened and closed. Grandma and Grandpa were whispering for a long time, but I didn't try to eavesdrop. They deserved their privacy. Besides, I didn't want to hear everything that happened in their bedroom. They only actually slept about four hours a day, but they were usually in there for a lot longer than that.

Mom slipped into our room a little later, and then went into the bathroom to shower. She had her own room where she kept some things, but her room didn't have a bathroom. Her clothes were in here so she could change after she used the shower, but she didn't need to use the bed.

She got dressed, and then lay down beside me and gently cuddled up behind me, laying her arm lightly across my waist.

"When can I go into the city with you to help you hunt humans, momma?" I asked.

"We don't hunt humans, Nessie…"

"Yes we do. You said so yourself."

"How much did you hear?"

"Everything. You know there's nothing wrong with what you did. It's what you're supposed to do, momma. Its how we're meant to survive…"

"It is wrong, Nessie… We don't eat humans…"

"Did it feel wrong? How can following your instincts be wrong? I want to go with you. I can help…"

"Not until you're a lot older, baby girl. I don't want you to ever have to find out what that feels like, and I don't want you to get hurt. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you."

"I know what it's like. I bit grandma and grandpa, momma. I remember all of it. I know what it tastes like…"

"It's different, Nessie. They're still alive…"

I knew what mom meant. She was guilty because she had killed humans by biting them and drinking their blood. She thought it was different because they were people to her instead of just animals. She'd been born as a human and grew up as one. Learning that vampires existed had to have been a terrible shock to her, despite how well she had taken the news and adapted to that piece of information.

I knew it would upset her more if I tried to explain to her that it didn't matter to me whether or not the animal I was hunting was self-aware and capable of thinking or not. I hadn't been born human, and I didn't react to my instincts the way she did. My reaction to our instincts was so completely different than hers. She still fought to keep the instincts she had been born with. She fought so hard to suppress her new vampire instincts. She was mostly successful, but her true nature showed through from time to time.

Like last night.

I knew she didn't want to talk about it, so I changed the subject.

"Can we go to the park today? I watched the weather report on the news. It's not supposed to be sunny out."

"Aren't you sleepy? I thought you'd be asleep when I got home."

"I took a nap while you were gone last night so I'd be up when you were home. I wanted to spend the day with you…"

Mom hugged me tighter. "Ok, we can go to the park, but you can't show off if there are humans around, ok?"

"I know momma…"

"Ok, which park do you want to go to? There's a campground at the county park we haven't tried yet…"

"Can we go to the city park in town? They have swimming pools and I want to meet some other kids to play with…"

"I don't know, Nessie…"

"Please, Momma? I never get to meet anyone new… I love you and grandma and grandpa, but I want to talk to somebody else…"

"They're humans, Nessie. Kids that are the age you look like are… kids. You know it's not safe for people to get to know you. They'll get suspicious when they figure out you change too fast."

"We don't have to go back again if you think it's too dangerous, but can we go today?"

"The pool in town?" Mom asked skeptically, but I could feel her caving in. I didn't try to manipulate her too often, but I knew she wanted to give me everything I wanted. "You don't even have a bathing suit…"

"We can stop and pick some up. I know there are some stores in town you wanted to shop at. The pool doesn't open to the public until one o'clock. They have swim lessons and swim team practice before the public swim hours."

Mom wasn't much of a shopper, but she went enough to cover our necessities. She considered it to be her duty, and endured it like any other chore she knew was necessary but didn't particularly enjoy. I'd read stories about girl's that practically lived at the mall, and went out with their girlfriends just to shop and try on clothes. Mom wasn't like that at all. When she went to a store, she usually knew exactly what she was looking for, found it, bought it and left. She might spend a few extra minutes if there were choices to make like what was printed on a t-shirt, or the color of a pair of shorts, but it was a quick decision, and then she was ready to leave.

Perhaps I was channeling my inner girl, but I could stand to spend more time browsing and just looking at pretty things because they were pretty. I liked to shop and wished we could spend more time in the stores we went to. I liked trying on clothes and seeing how they looked. All of the nicer clothes I had I'd bought myself online because it was so hard to get mom into a decent mall. Most of the time I just let mom have her way, because I was the kid and she was the parent, but I knew it was something that would change as I got older.

"We?" Mom asked, and I could hear the reluctance in her voice.

"You're gonna go in the pool with me, aren't you, momma?" I asked in my most endearing little girl voice.

"Can't I just sit in the park and watch?"

"Please, momma? It'll be fun. Don't you want to come play with me in the pool?"

"If you wanted to go swimming, couldn't we just go to the river? It's bigger and there are fewer humans around."

"We don't have to spend all day in the pool. I want to play in the park, too, and having humans around is kind of the point of going in the first place."

"Fine, we can buy bathing suits and go to the pool." She reluctantly gave in.

I didn't understand why she was so nervous. She had her bloodlust mastered by now, and she was fairly safe around humans as long as they weren't bleeding. I knew she'd slipped last night, but that was different. She'd been hunting and it happened in the heat of the moment. She'd been strong enough to resist the girl.

"Are you nervous because of what happened last night?" I asked, curious.

"No, it's not that… There are going to be boys at the pool…"

I didn't understand why that would be a problem. Of course my exposure to real live humans was limited. Why would boys being at the pool be a problem for mom? Did she want one? I knew about sex in an academic sense, and I knew what grandma and grandpa did, but they were in love. I thought about that for a minute. It had been over two years since my father had hurt her, but she never talked about it unless I brought it up. I knew she had urges and thought about sex. There was no privacy in our house and I knew what she did when she was alone and thought I was asleep. I wondered if she'd ever find somebody else. She wouldn't if she wasn't looking.

"Why would boys be a problem, momma?"

She sighed. "They'll look at me, and they'll probably want to talk to me, but I'll do this if you really want to."

"Have you ever thought about finding someone else, momma? Grandma has Grandpa Phil. It's been over two years… Don't you get lonely…?"

"I'm not lonely, baby. I have you and mom and Phil. I keep busy between school and… my work. I'm happy with my life."

"That's not what I meant momma. I hear grandma and grandpa when they're alone together. You're a grown woman. I know you've been with men before… I know you think about it… don't you want somebody special too?"

"We are not having this conversation. I'm not going to lay here and discuss my love life with my two year old daughter. My life might be strange, but this is just too weird…"

"Who else are you going to talk too, and who do you expect me to learn from if you won't talk to me? I might be two, and look like I'm six, but you know I'm more mature than that inside. I just don't know anything. I don't have life experience to guide me. I rely on instinct mostly, and what I read and see on TV. I need you to fill in the gaps and teach me the things I can't learn like that."

I knew I could always talk to grandma if I was curious, but mom needed to loosen up, and I really wanted to hear these things from her.

Mom sighed again. "You're right. I should be the one to teach you. What do you want to know?"

"Why don't you want the boys at the pool to look at you? I think you're beautiful. Why is it a problem if they look at you too?"

"Boys only want one thing, Nessie. They're full of hormones at that age and they don't think with their heads. Teenaged boys that look the same age as me only want sex from girls."

"You think about sex too, don't you?"

"Yes, that's normal and healthy but there's a difference between having casual sex and being in a relationship. Sex as part of a healthy relationship between two people that care deeply about each other can be a beautiful thing. Some people enjoy sex for fun with different partners, but I've never been like that. I need the emotional part of the relationship more than I need the physical part, but that's just who I am."

"So the boys at the pool looking at you make you uncomfortable because they just want sex and they don't care about you as a person."

"Yeah, kind of like that."

"Kind of? What else is going on?"

"I have urges too, Nessie. It's normal to feel like that, but I don't think you'll have those kinds of feeling until you're bigger. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to find somebody that cares about me that way again."

"How are you ever going to find out if you aren't looking, momma?"

"It's going to be a very long time, Nessie. I can't be with a human like that, and I don't know any vampires…"

"You were human when you were with my father. Do other vampires have relationships with humans?"

"I know just how hard what your father did was now. He had ninety years of practice being around humans before he met me. He could be in the same room with me when I was bleeding. I couldn't be with a human like that yet. I might have good control, but nowhere near good enough to be intimate with one without killing them."

"Ok, but what about other vampires? Was what happened between you and my father that special and unique?"

"No. I've heard stories about other vampires that have had human lovers, but I've never met any of them. All of them were very old mature vampires that had mastered they're bloodlust sufficiently to allow them to be with human partners, but I'm not ready for that yet."

"So if you met somebody special, they'd most likely be a vampire?"

"Yes, I suppose, but I don't know any vampires, and I'm not likely to meet any anytime soon. Why do you have this keen interest to see me back in a relationship all of a sudden, Nessie?"

"I'm just curious. I can't learn if I don't ask questions. We can stop talking about this if it makes you uncomfortable."

"No, we can talk. This just brings up a lot of things that I haven't wanted to think about for a long time."

"Ok. So why aren't you going to find a vampire to have a relationship with?"

"Well, I don't want to find any while you're still little. As long as they think you're human, it's ok as long as they don't attack you, but I don't want stories to get out. If another vampire saw you, they might mistake you for an immortal child. If you keep growing the way you are now, we should be ok when you're about six, but I'd prefer not to run across any other vampires before then."

"So four more years?"

"At least, baby, but that doesn't mean I'm going to even want to go out with the first vampire I meet…"

Mom got quiet and didn't say anything for a while. What she said was a little ironic. She went out with the first vampire she met last time. I knew she still had feelings for my father, but he'd hurt her deeply. Sometimes I got the feeling that having me in her life was all that kept her going.

"Why not?" I finally asked.

"Well, I have to like him first, and he has to like me. That doesn't just happen all the time. Sometimes people are just friends, and some vampires are bad, just like some humans are bad. I don't think I could be with a vampire that eats people. That would just be too much of a strain on the relationship, and vegetarian vampires are even rarer than vampires in general."

"But you could find other vampires if you were looking, right? They can't be that rare…"

"No, I could find more like me if I wanted to look for them. I've crossed their scent sometimes in the cities I go to, but I avoid them and keep to myself. I'm careful not to lead them home."

We talked for a long time. I asked mom questions and she answered them. She helped me to learn about our world and people and relationships. It was all so new to me. I didn't have those kinds of feelings for boys in my body yet, but I was curious all the same. I wondered if I'd ever have special feelings for somebody when I grew up.

Finally it was late enough in the morning for us to leave for town. I got up and got dressed, and mom changed her clothes so we could go. It was the middle of August, and it was going to be hot and humid outside today even if it wasn't sunny. The temperatures would be in the high ninety's with scattered rain showers and a chance of thunder storm cells later in the afternoon, a perfect day for us to go to the pool. I knew they wouldn't close even if it rained, unless there was lightning and then they'd just make everyone get out of the pool until the storm passed.

Mom dressed for the occasion to blend in with the kids in town. She wore a pair of red running shorts, a black spaghetti strap tank top, and a pair of flat sandals. She put on her sunglasses, grabbed her purse and a couple of towels and she was good to go. She looked younger dressed like this and could easily pass for a teenager. I just dressed like a kid and I was ready to go. I wore a pair of pink shorts, a yellow t-shirt and my pink flip flops. I had no difficulty blending in as long as I told people I was six instead of two. I held moms hand and we walked out to her car.

We'd gotten rid of mom's truck and Grandpa Phil's car after we left South Dakota. They were registered to Mom's and Grandpa Phil's old identities and there was too much of a paper trail leading them back to us. It was easier to just sell them for cash and buy new cars to register under they're new Identities than to try and break the chain of title.

Grandma and Grandpa almost never went into town. They both could now if they had too, but it was rare for them to go shopping or need anything from the store that they couldn't order online and have delivered. We had another truck again and Grandpa Phil drove that when they needed to go someplace too far to easily run to.

Mom bought a red Chevy Camaro Z28. She liked it because it was fast and had a manual transmission which she preferred to an automatic. She could get more speed and performance out of the manual stick shift than relying on an automatic transmission. She'd told me stories about her old Chevy pickup truck her father had bought her and how slow it had been. None of us liked slow cars now. We could run as fast as them most of the time, but we'd need the car if we were going into town. Otherwise we'd have to walk as slow as the humans did, and it would take forever to get anywhere.

The sky was a high cloudless steel gray overcast. It was bright and already very warm out but the light was diffuse and indirect as it filtered through the high overcast cover. The sun was nearly invisible, only apparent as a brighter brilliant lightening in the east as the sun rose over the overcast sky. Mom pulled the panels out of the T-top and put them in the trunk and then we were ready to go. She let me sit up front in the passenger seat, but I had to wear my seatbelt. We rolled down the windows, and the wind whipped our hair back as she sped down the highway towards the small town.

"Nessie," mom said as we drove into the city, "When we're around humans you need to start calling me Bella. You're getting big enough now that people will think it's strange if you call me momma. I guess it's still physically possible if I got pregnant when I was twelve or thirteen, but when we're around humans I'm going to be your big sister, and you can be my little sister, ok?"

"Sure, Bella," I said to try it out.

Mom smiled at me. "It probably won't even come up in conversation, but Mom and Phil should probably be your parents too instead of your grandparents."

"Why, lots of kids are raised by their grandparents. Why would that matter?"

"Well, if you're my kid sister, they look too young to be my grandparents too, but they fit as my parents, so they should be your parents too."

"Ok…" I said a little apprehensively.

"I just want to get our story straight, Nessie. Like I said, it probably won't even come up, but if somebody asks, we both have the same answer."

"Alright, that makes sense."

"C'mon, let's get this over with, and then we can go to the park." Mom said as she looked up at the K-Mart department store with a frown and got out of the car.

"Cheer up, Bella," I said as I got out of the car and skipped around to take her hand. "This is supposed to be fun. Now let's go find some bathing suits so we can go swimming! Maybe we can browse a little and see what else looks pretty."

"Who are you, and what have you done with my sister?" Mom chuckled. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were channeling your Aunt Alice. She was the shopper in the family."

"Girls are supposed to like shopping for clothes, Bella."

Mom just gave a resigned shrug, and I thought I heard her mutter, "Not this one," as we walked through the doors into the store.

I got my way and we took our time shopping. I knew I would. I wasn't spoiled and I didn't have to whine or beg or throw a tantrum. We just shopped and I made sure we took our time browsing and trying things on. I got mom to try on some outfits and buy some things too. It always just seemed to work out that way. I'd ask for something or suggest something and mom would go along with me because she knew it was what I wanted and it would make me happy. I never really gave it much thought when I was little. I didn't ask for things that I knew would make mom unhappy. Maybe I pushed her to do things that I knew would make her happy too but that she'd never do for herself if I didn't suggest them.

We emerged from the store many shopping bags later. We loaded the bags into the trunk of the Camaro, and mom made sure she left the bags we'd need at the pool in the backseat. We got back in the car to drive to the pool, and mom turned up the stereo. There was a song playing that she liked on the oldies rock station she liked to listen to and we sang along as we drove across town to the city park.

It was a little after one, and the swimming lessons were done for the day. Most of the kids that were coming to the pool were already inside the fenced off area and there was no line at the counter where we paid to get in. The local kids all had season passes, and just had to sign in. Mom paid the daily fee for us to get in, and the girl at the counter handed us mesh bags to put our clothes in when we changed in the locker room.

Mom held the door open for me, and we walked into the girls changing room. We'd bought a yellow mesh pool bag at K-Mart when we bought our bathing suits, and mom had put the things we'd need into it before we'd left the car.

"I don't know why I let you talk me into this," mom said as she changed into her bathing suit. "I should have bought that one-piece swimsuit like I wanted too."

"This one is a lot prettier than that other suit and I could tell you wanted it. You kept looking at it when we were at the store. Besides, most of the other girls around the pool were all wearing bikinis too. You know you'll fit in better wearing this suit."

I thought she looked pretty, but then I always did. Maybe I was biased because she was my mom. I tried to look that the swimsuit objectively. The royal blue stood out next to her pale ivory skin, but there wasn't a lot of fabric to begin with. The string sides of the bikini bottoms rode high on her hips and tied at the sides in bows. They covered everything they were supposed to cover, but left very little to the imagination. It covered more than the thong she had taken off to change into it. The top tied behind her neck and the middle of the back. It covered pretty much most of what it was supposed to cover, but there was a lot of mom to cover, and it may have fallen a little short of the job. I'm sure nobody looking would complain. At least none of the boys at the pool would.

"Fine," mom said as she pulled on the oversized t-shirt she'd bought to use as a cover up and stepped into her purple flip flops. "I did like this one better, but it doesn't help with the boys not looking at me problem."

She reached up to pull her long mahogany hair out of the neck of the shirt and the soft curls settled around her shoulders and back with a bounce. She picked up her sunglasses and put them on, pushed up on the top of her head in her hair, so they'd be there if she needed them. The hem of the big t-shirt danced around her hips, giving tantalizing flashes of blue string bikini bottom as she moved and I had a feeling it wasn't going to help like she thought it would.

"You know it doesn't matter which suit you bought. You could walk out there wearing a gunny sack and they'd still stare at you. It's how you're supposed to affect them. The physical attraction is part of the package. It's how you attract your prey, Bella. You just need to learn to be comfortable with your body and not let yourself react self-consciously to them looking at you."

"I'm comfortable with my body…" Mom said self-consciously as she put in her contact lenses.

"If you were, then you wouldn't be nervous about them looking at you. You'd be confident and accept their stares as the compliment to your attractiveness that you should. It bothers you because you haven't come to terms with your nature as a predator yet."

"It still bothered me when I was human. I never wanted to be the center of attention. How did you get to be so knowledgeable about what I'm feeling?"

"I read you're your psychology text book last year. Your sociology text book had some interesting material, and the text book for your Ethics and Morality class is interesting, even if it's biased by the humanistic point of view of the author. Grandma likes to watch Dr. Phil in the afternoon, too."

"Ok… You might know a thing or two about why I'm feeling nervous right now…"

"Just take a deep breath, and calm down. If they look at you, it's because you're totally hot. All the boys will wish they were with you, and all the girls will be jealous. Just ignore them all, and lets me and you have a good time, ok?"

"I love you, Nessie. You're right. I can just ignore them and we can just have some fun. Are you ready to go?"

I was changed and ready to go. I was sure I'd get my share of looks too. It was natural and I expected it, but I was just a kid. Mom had bought me a kid's pink two piece swimsuit. There was nothing for the top to cover up yet, but our culture demanded girls wear tops to swim, so that's what we did. I folded my clothes and put them in the bag they gave us. I put my towel from home in it too to dry off with when we were done.

"Sure, Bella, I love you too. Let's go swim!"

We'd bought beach towels at the store, and I took that with me when we walked out of the changing room and went up to the counter to turn in our bags. The girl took the bags with our street clothes and hung them up, and gave us each a safety pin with a numbered metal tag that we could turn in to get our clothes bags back.

I held moms hand and we walked out onto the concrete deck around the pools. It was a fairly large swim complex with three pools and a couple of large tube waterslides.

There was a kiddy pool that was only a foot and a half deep at the shallow end, two feet deep at the other end, and only three feet deep in the middle. It was smaller than the main pool, and the little kids splashed and played in it. There were several older ladies about grandma's age in their twenties and thirties hanging out in the shade, watching the kids in the pool, probably the little kid's moms. There were a couple of kids that looked the same age as me there playing with their younger siblings, but most of the older kids and teenagers were at the main pool.

The main pool was a long rectangular racing pool that had lanes painted on the bottom and marked out in tile at the ends for racing during swim meets. It averaged around five feet deep, but was seven feet deep at the starting end where the diving blocks for racing were setup. The waterslides dumped into this pool, and most of the older kids hung out around it. There was a grass area along one side to lie out and several patio tables at one end with umbrellas and chairs around them where people sat to talk and enjoy drinks from the concession stand.

The third pool was a large square diving pool. It was twelve to fifteen feet deep, and had a low diving board that extended out over the shallower end a high diving board on a platform three meters over the water of the deep end. There were a few people using it, but mostly the just made their dive, and then swam to the ladder to climb out and get back in line.

There were high shaded lifeguard chairs at each of the pools, two at the racing pool, and the lifeguards were all wearing red t-shirts with their swimsuits. Most of them looked about the same age as the older kids hanging out around the pools.

"So, which pool do you want to try?" Mom asked.

She was trying to be subtle and pull me towards the kiddy pool, but I wasn't cooperating. C'mon, Like I was really gonna go swimming with the toddlers in the baby pool? Give me a break!

"C'mon, Bella, there's a spot on the grass over here where we can lay our towels. Then I want to try out the waterslides."

I pulled her hand towards the end of the grass area by the tables. There was a subtle tug of war for a second while Mom pulled one way, and I pulled the other, and then she gave in and let me lead her over to the grass.

"There's too many people over here!" Mom whispered to me as I dragged her over to the open spot, and let go of her hand to spread out my beach towel.

"Hurry up and get ready!" I said excitedly, ignoring her complaint. "C'mon, Bella, I want to get in the pool!"

I was playing up the impatient six year old act, and she saw right through me, but she couldn't do anything about it. What was she going to do? Ask me to act my age?

Mom rolled her eyes and put our pool bag down. She spread out her towel, and then glanced at me self-consciously again. I gave her the 'c'mon, quit stalling look', and raised an eyebrow as I stood with my hand on my hip, tapping my toe on the ground.

"God, you are so like your Aunt Alice! What did I ever do to deserve this?"

I saw her glance around without actually turning her head, and I knew every guy and most of the girls at the pool were watching her. She knew it too. Some were trying to be discreet and not overtly stare. Others weren't nearly so nonchalant and openly gaped. She looked back at me, waiting impatiently, and then closed her eyes. She was biting her bottom lip as she reached for the hem of her cover-up and pulled the t-shirt off over her head.

There were some sighs and gasps, and I think one guy dropped his nachos, but it wasn't as bad as she made it out to be.

"C'mon, let's get in the pool," she said as she kicked off her flip flops and moved past me almost too fast. She grabbed my hand, and we moved toward the water.

She was about to jump in, when the lifeguard got her attention. He looked tall, but he was sitting up in the lifeguard chair. I suppose he was cute, but I really didn't pay attention to that kind of thing yet. He had sandy brown hair and light hazel eyes with flecks of green in them. He was wearing a tight racing team Speedo and his tight red t-shirt showed off the definition in the muscles of his chest and narrow waist.

"Excuse me, Miss… Is that your sister?" He asked, pointing at me.

"Yes?" Mom asked startled, but she stopped at the edge of the pool and looked up at him. "I'm Bella, and this is my sister…, Nessie…"

"Hi, Bella, Nessie," he said politely and nodded to us. "How old are you, Nessie?" He asked.

I played shy now and ducked behind mom and put on my best little girl act. "I'm six," I told him and looked down and wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Have you had swimming lessons, Nessie? I don't remember seeing you here at the pool before."

I looked up at mom to see if she was going to jump in here and bail me out. She was still staring at Mr. Lifeguard with this deer in the headlight looks, and I knew she wasn't going to answer. God I hoped she didn't snap and eat him. I wanted to go swimming!

"No, but Bella takes me swimming at the river…" I kicked mom in the shin to get her attention, and she seemed to snap out of it.

"No… No, Nessie hasn't had swimming lessons here. We just moved here this summer. This is the first time we've been to the pool. Is there a problem?"

"No problem," He said to mom and smiled. I thought I heard her breath catch. Why was she even breathing? She seemed to be breathing heavier and faster too, for somebody who didn't need to breathe at all. Then Mr. Lifeguard climbed down off his chair and stood beside us. I was right, he was tall, maybe six foot three.

"Do you know how to swim, Nessie?" Mr. Lifeguard asked.

Cute and shy was overrated, and I was getting impatient with all of this. "Would I be jumping into water over my head if I couldn't swim?" I asked.

He chuckled and mom's breath caught again. Something funny was going on… She smelled funny, and I'd smelt this scent before…

"Ok, Nessie, you've got me there. I just need to test you to be sure you're safe to get in the grown-up pool, ok?"

Now we were getting someplace. "Ok, what do I have to do?

"Walk down to the ladder and climb in." He pointed to the corner of the pool. "Then swim back down here to the lifeguard chair without grabbing onto the side of the pool. I can get in with you if you're scared…"

"No, don't bother getting wet. I'll be back in a minute." I started walking away, and mom stayed there with Mr. Lifeguard.

"Hi, I'm Brad, by the way," and he held his hand out to mom.

I almost tripped when she took his hand and shook it. She never touched humans…

"So are you going to go to school her next year," he continued.

"No, I graduated last year before we moved."

"So did I. I'm working here one more summer before I go to college. Do you have plans for school?"

"Not really. I'm interning with a private security firm in Chicago, and working on a degree program with an online college. I come home whenever I can get away from the city." She didn't tell him she could drive there in two hours if she kept her foot on the floor all the way there or back.

Neither of them was paying attention to me. It was a good thing I could swim. Maybe somebody in the pool would have pulled me out if I started to drown. Brad the Lifeguard was otherwise engaged. I reached back when I got up to where they were standing and slashed water on them to get their attention.

"Nessie!" mom exclaimed when the water hit her. She pretended to stumble forward – like she was really gonna fall – and let Brad catch her. He actually wrapped his arms around her and held her, and she let him! She stepped back after a minute and they finally looked down at me.

"Ok, I swam, can we go play now?"

"One more test, Nessie." Brad said. "Push back from the wall and tread water for two minutes."

"Fine. Start timing me."

Brad looked at the big clock on the wall over the concession stand, and then said, "Go." I suppose it didn't count that I'd been trading water almost that long before they noticed me.

"So are you going to be here at the pool for a while?" Brad asked.

"We don't have any other plans…"

"I get off at five thirty if you want to hang out for a while. I could show you around town, and maybe introduce you to some people…"

"That sounds like fun…"

Did she bat her eyelashes at him? What the hell was going on? Who the hell was this girl, and what did she do with my mother?

The wind shifted, and I caught her scent. I knew what it was now. I kept my eye on the clock and waited until my two minutes was up.

"Brad… Hey, Brad… Lifeguard! Hello!" I had to splash them again.

"Nessie!" mom exclaimed when the water hit her again, but I don't think she really minded because she jumped and let Brad hold her again! Brad finally looked up at the clock.

"Ok, Nessie, you can go swim now." Brad said. Then he turned to mom. "I'm gonna take my break, do you want to go get something to drink?"

"Hey! Bella, c'mon! You promised you'd take me on the waterslides, and you haven't even gotten in the pool yet! Let's go swim! You said we'd spend the day together!"

"I guess I better take a rain check on that drink, Brad. I promised Nessie. Maybe we can do something when you get off?"

"Sure, that's fine. My little sister, Melanie, is around here somewhere. She's about your age, Nessie. Maybe you'd like to meet her, and you two could play this afternoon."

"Ok…" I hedged. Did I really want to play with six year olds? I suppose it was worth a try. "C'mon, Bella lets swim."

Brad finally walked away towards the concession area, and mom watched him walk away. I had the distinct impression that she was checking out his butt. She finally looked away, and then stepped off the side of the pool into the water next to me.

"It's about time," I said. "I didn't know how much more of that I could take." We started to wade out into the pool, but kept talking in low tone that only the two of us would hear.

"Why, what do you mean?" Mom asked.

"You like him, don't you?"

"He's cute for a human." She whispered.

"No, you really like him. Like what we were talking about this morning, about finding somebody special."

"Nessie! Ok, he was cute, but I can't be with a human like that. I'd kill him if I let him get that close."

"You didn't snap at him just now. He had his arms around you, and you were pushed up against his chest. I could tell you were hot for him. You were flirting with him! Was it hard to be that close?"

"I was not! He was just cute…"

"Excuse me, but I can smell a mountain lion two miles away. I'm like three feet tall and I was standing next to your crotch. Who do you think helps grandma strip the beds and do the laundry? You were turned on by him, and I could smell it. You were aroused and it made it easier for you to be close to him."

"Fine, let's get you on the waterslide."

"You don't want to talk about it, do you? Aren't you curious about what would happen?"

"Not really. Ok, I know what would happen, and I don't want either of those things to happen."

"What would happen? You need to talk to me about these things, Bella! Do you really want me to turn out as closed off and repressed as you are? We need to talk about this, so I can learn what to expect, and so you can learn to loosen up."

"Fine… I'd either kill him or end up having sex with him. I don't want to kill him, and I don't know if I'm ready for the other yet…"

"You know, there's something else going on here."

"What's that…?"

"Hello, no burn in the back of your throat, red eyes under your contact lenses. Somebody gave in to her urges last night and did what she's designed to do. You know, instincts are there for a reason. You don't have any bloodlust today, do you?"

"I was doing a really good job of not thinking about that today until you brought it up…"

"Ok, I know math was never your strong suit, but even you can put two and two together. Did it ever occur to you that maybe you can feel attracted to Brad the Lifeguard today because you don't want to eat him?"

"Well, maybe not his blood…"

"Mom!"

"Ok, ok… It's Bella, remember?"

"Yeah, let me know when she shows back up."

"Fine, I'll be good. That doesn't change anything, Nessie. So maybe I wouldn't kill him… Just because I can doesn't mean I'm ready…"

"You seemed awful ready when you were up there talking to him before. Just how often are you expecting to have an opportunity like this? Maybe you ought to just go for it and see what happens. Worst case scenario, your eyes are already red, so Renee won't know unless you tell her…"

"Nessie!"

"I said worst case. Best case, you get lucky. It has been over two years, you know. What's wrong with doing it just for fun? You don't think I know what you're doing in the shower? C'mon, who takes thirty minute showers, and I do have a pretty keen sense of smell. The ears work too. I say go for it and see what happens."

"Umm… You wouldn't mind?"

"Oh, you'll owe me big time if I have to sit there and play barbies with Melanie. She better not be the tea party type or I'll be pulling my hair out, but no, I don't mind. I can take one for the team. Just remember this when I'm older and it's my turn."

"Many years from now…"

"Not so many years I think, but my time will come. You're cool with that, right?"

"I'd prefer you to stay my little girl forever, but yeah, I'm cool with that. We all grow up eventually."

"I've never been a little girl, Bella. You know it's always been an act, right? It doesn't change how I love you…"

"You'll always be my wonderful little girl, no matter how old or wise or mature you are. None of that makes any difference about how much I love you, Nessie."

"C'mon, I can be your wonderful little girl on the waterslides."

"Umm… I don't think waterslides are such a good idea for me. Contact lenses, remember?"

"So close your eyes before you hit the water, how difficult is that? I'll let you know if they wash away. Hell, you'll probably know before I do."

"Fine…"

The waterslides were fun. Mom actually let herself loosen up for once and had fun. It was good to hear her laugh and act like a kid. She spent too much time trying to be the responsible adult and look out for all of us. Sometimes she just needed to blow off a little steam and let the stress go. I had a feeling Brad was going to help her out with that stress relief tonight.

We had fun hanging out at the pool that afternoon. The sun never came out and ruined things, and there were only a couple of light showers. We were wet already, so it didn't really matter. The rain was actually kind of welcome, and just took the edge off of the heat and humidity.

I had to go through another set of tests to prove I wasn't going to drown in the diving pool. Mom hung out with Brad and chatted while I played on the diving board. They wouldn't let me go on the high dive platform. I had to bring a permission slip in to use it, or my parents had to be there, and we weren't going to break cover just so I could fool around.

Brad finally caught up with his kid sister, and introduced her to me. Melanie was ok for a human kid. She was precocious for a seven year old, or maybe kids just saw and understood more than adults gave them credit for. She knew what was going on between Brad and my 'sister'. We didn't dwell on it and played on the waterslides some more.

The pool closed at six for dinner, and then there was an evening session later, but we were done for the day and weren't planning on coming back. We waited until most of the kids had cleared out and then went and got our clothes to change to leave. Mom ran out to the car and rooted through the bags of clothes we'd bought earlier at K-Mart and found something else to change into. We showered off the chlorine and got dressed, and then went out to the park in front of the swim complex to wait for Brad to come out.

"Now, aren't you glad I talked you into doing a little shopping today?" I asked.

"I needed to pick up a couple of things, but to tell you the truth, I didn't have a clue when I'd actually wear this." Mom said. She was wearing a loose summer top with spaghetti straps and a light cotton skirt that hung at about mid-thigh. "It's pretty, but it's not something I'd wear to work in, and I usually just wear jeans at home."

"Work clothes, huh? Is that what you call the leather pants and the spandex mini-skirt? How many leather jackets do you own now? Do you think the IRS will let us write them off if we keep the receipts?"

"Hey! You said it was cute, and it's loose enough that my shoulder holster won't make a bulge like that other jacket I was using…"

"Shh…" I nudged mom's hip with my elbow. "Here they come. No more shop talk."

"Hi, Brad, Melanie. So how did you want to work this?"

"Hey, Bella… Wow, is this your car?" Brad asked as they walked over to us. He seemed impressed and almost looked at the car as much as he was drooling over mom.

"Yeah, I picked it up last year to run down to the city in."

"I guess if you want to follow us to my house, we can drop the girls off to play. We can go out for a while, and maybe get something to eat?"

"Sure, that sounds like fun…" I elbowed mom again. Like she was really gonna eat, give me a break! "Umm… I'm not really that hungry, but I could go for a coffee or something to drink…"

That was more like it. She could drink most beverages, and she actually liked café mocha as long as they didn't use any milk or dairy products. We got in the car to follow them, and Brad and Melanie climbed into an ancient ford pickup truck that had seen better days.

Mom let Brad lead the way, and we followed them across town to their house. It was an older style two-story Victorian on the edge of town with a gravel driveway and rose bushes in front of the large old fashioned windows. Brad pulled into the driveway behind a newer looking Chevy Impala. Mom parked in the street next to the curb, and we got out to follow them up to the house.

"Come in for a minute, and then we can go." Brad said. "Let me tell my folks Nessie is gonna play with Mel, and then we can get out of here for a while."

"Sure," mom said. "Is that ok with you girls?" She asked us as though our opinion counted for something while we walked up to the porch. I could do this for mom, but she was gonna owe me.

"Sure, that's cool," I said, "How about you, Mel?" I asked.

"Sure, we can hang out here. I don't think Brad wants us to tag along for some reason. Huh, Brad?" Melanie smirked at him, and he turned pink. Mom just smiled at him.

Brad opened the door and we walked into the house. The living room was nicely furnished, and there was a forty-two inch flat screen TV in an entertainment unit, with about a hundred DVD's on shelves.

"Mom?" Brad called as we looked around.

There was nobody in the living room or dining room, but I heard footsteps coming from the kitchen. There was only one other heart beat in the house besides our group. An older woman in her mid-thirties walked in through the dining room.

"Oh, hi, who's your company, Brad?" The woman, his mother I assumed, asked.

"Hi, mom. This is Bella and her little sister, Nessie. We met them at the pool today. They moved here this summer. Bella, this is my mother, Kathy Andersen."

Mom reached out to shake her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Andersen. I'm Bella Bennet, and this is my sister, Nessie. We live about five miles outside of town on an acreage our family is renting."

"Nessie?" Brad's mom asked, looking down at me and smiling.

"It's short for Vanessa," I chimed in before mom could say something, "but I hate that name, so everyone calls me Nessie."

"I like both names, but I'll call you Nessie if that's what you prefer."

"Mom," Brad said to get her attention, "I was gonna take Bella out and show her around town for a while. You don't mind if Nessie stays here and plays with Mel, do you?"

"No, that's fine. You can stay for dinner, dear." Then she turned to mom. "Do your parents know where you two are?" Brad's mom asked.

"Not yet, but I'll call them and let them know." Then mom opened her purse and handed Brad's mom one of her business cards. "You can call that number if you need to get a hold of me while we're gone."

Her eyes got big for a minute as she read the card, and then she slipped it into the pocket of her apron. I knew what the card said. I had helped mom design it. It was a business card for Swan and Associates Private Security, Isabella M. Bennet, Security Specialist. It had her cell phone number and a license number as a certified private investigator. It listed private investigation, armed private security, and bail bond reclamation as services offered.

The PI license was real, but the carry permit had cost us a pretty penny to swing. It would show up in the cop's databases as legit if she ever got into a situation where she had to show it, but we figured it was better safe than sorry. She'd actually claimed a couple of bounties for criminals she'd caught and turned in instead of killing, so the bounty hunter service was legit too.

"Thanks, mom," Brad said as he ushered mom towards the door. "We'll be back later, ok?"

"You're not going to be too late, are you?" It sounded like his mom was getting worried.

"No, we won't be late." Famous last words, if I ever heard them.

Then the door closed behind them and they were gone.

"C'mon, Nessie," Melanie said. "Let's go up to my room and we can play. Do you like barbies?"

God, the things I did to keep mom happy.

It was dark out and very late, or very early depending on how you looked at it, when I finally heard mom's car pull into the driveway. Everyone else in the house was asleep. I was in bed with Melanie, and I'd had to lay here and pretend to sleep since ten o'clock. I slipped out of bed and took off the nighty Melanie's mom had let me borrow when we got out of the bath, and got dressed. I slipped out of the room and was at the top of the stairs when the front door opened.

Well, Brad wasn't dead. They stopped inside the front door and he pulled mom into his arms. She stood on her tip toes as her hands tangled in his hair and she pulled his face down to hers. Their lips met as they kissed passionately and Brad's hands moved over her body touching her like he was intimately familiar with it. They broke the kiss and mom took a step back.

"I better find Nessie and get home," mom whispered to Brad.

"Ok, she's probably sleeping in my sister's room, c'mon," and he reached for mom's hand.

I didn't wait for them and skipped down the stairs.

"I'm here, Bella. I'm ready to go home. Good night, Brad." I said as I walked up to them.

"Oh…" Brad said surprised to see me. "You're still up? I thought you'd be asleep."

"I heard the car so I came downstairs. Please tell your mother and sister, thank you for having me over. It was fun. C'mon, Bella. It's time to go."

"Ok, Nessie. Good night, Brad… I had fun."

"When can I see you again, Bella?" Brad asked as mom opened the door to leave.

"I have to check my work schedule… You've got my number, give me a call."

The door closed behind us and I made a break for the car. I so needed to get out of this place. Hanging out with humans was so overrated. I got into the passenger seat, and then the smell hit me. Mom had replaced the panels in the T-top, and the windows were rolled up. God, it was worse here in the car than grandma and grandpa's bedroom after they'd been at it all day long!

Mom got into the car and pulled out of the driveway.

"Well, he's still alive."

"Yeah, he is, isn't he?" Mom commented dreamily. I didn't think I'd ever seen a smile that big on her face before.

"The back seat? God, I'm never gonna be able to ride back there again! Do you think we'll ever be able to get the scent out? Couldn't you get a room?"

"The first time was in the backseat. God, I haven't done that since I was in high school… I forgot how cramped it can get. We got a hotel room after that."

"Ok, so tell me what happened?"

"God, I'm not going to give you all the details! It was a special experience…"

"No way! You're not getting off that easy! I went through hell so you could go fool around and have a good time. Now spill and tell me what happened!"

"Nessie! You know what happened…"

"You're going to have to be a little more specific, mom. I had to eat hot dogs and macaroni and cheese for you! God, I drank a glass of milk, and I didn't even run to the bathroom to puke so you could have some alone time with Brad! If I can sit there for four and a half hours playing barbie and my little pony, the least you can do is tell me what you did!"

"Fine, so we went for coffee first and talked. After that we drove around for a while looking at the town. Then Brad showed me this spot down by the river where we could park…"

**Author's Note:**

Some of you asked, and there will be no lemons between non-canon couples with the possible exception of future events in Nessie's life as she grows up. Jacob Black is not a character in this story except for his brief friendship with Bella when she was a teenager in Forks. He's not going to suddenly turn up in later chapters, and there will be no extended trips back to Forks other than possibly very brief visits.

Obviously Bella will date and have some encounters that will include intimate experiences, but they will not be detailed in this fic. If there is any interest, I may consider writing some of them as outtakes, and posting them separately, but they will not be included within the chapters of this particular story.

If you liked this story, please review and let me know what you think. Even if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear from you. I read all the reviews, even if I don't answer all of them. If you have questions, I try to answer then without giving away too much of the plot.


	14. Chapter 14 Growing Up – Part 2

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **NPOV (Nessie) Nessie is taking a turn for a while. Bella will continue the story later. Edward and Alice may have another say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 14 Growing Up – Part 2

NPOV (Nessie)

Things hadn't worked out between mom and Brad. After that first date, she'd had a hard time even holding hands with him, and she wasn't going to go out and do what she knew would allow them to be together again. The only reason they'd even been able to hook up in the first place was because she wasn't feeling the bloodlust, and there was only one thing that made that go away.

It was just a summer fling, but it made mom happy for a while.

We went back to the pool a few more times that summer. It was fun, and mom didn't want what happened with Brad to be a one night stand while in reality that was what it was. She couldn't truly be around him, and she kept making excuses for why she couldn't go spend time with him alone. She pretended to be busy with work, he went off to college and they drifted apart without making any real commitments.

We moved at the end of summer a couple of months before my birthday. We felt it was the best move to cut our ties and put some distance between our family and the people that had come to know us over the summer.

**3 years old – 8.24 human years**

I liked our house in Ohio. Mom and I shared a room and bathroom again, but I really didn't mind. I liked being close to mom. Grandma and Grandpa had a suite at the opposite end of the house that afforded them a little more privacy. We could still hear everything, but at least they weren't on the other side of the wall when you tried to pretend that they were just sleeping.

The house was a big white older two-story home a couple of miles outside of Logan on a huge parcel of land. We'd actually invested in this property and had purchased it instead of renting. The idea was that we'd stay here for a while, and then move on and buy another home someplace else. We figured if we acquired a couple of different places, we'd have someplace to go if we had to move in a hurry. This house was south of Lancaster on Highway 33, and about fifty miles Southeast of Columbus, Ohio. It was nice being surrounded by dense forest again instead endless green fields of farmland.

Farmland was nice because the deer were large, well fed and easily abundant, but I liked the variety of game in the forest. There were more predators to choose from, and we didn't have to be so picky. Logan was about five miles from the Wayne National Forest to the east, the Hocking State forest to the southwest, and the Clear Creek Nature Preserve to the northwest. There were wilderness areas and nature preserves within running distance up and down the range east of us with mountains, forest and rivers to explore and hunt in.

Mom had easy access to her own kind of hunting Northwest in Columbus too. She stayed busy with her online classes and spent the rest of her free time reducing the city's crime rate and adding to our cash disposal problems. We could pay cash for a lot of the things we did, and mom had actually registered her private security company so she could claim payments from a list of clients as income as well as being an employee to receive a healthy salary to deposit in the bank. Most of the clients were bogus, but it helped with the cash disposal issues. Regardless, we always seemed to have more cash than we could legitimately deposit in the bank.

Mom still wouldn't let me go into the city with her to hunt humans, but she let me train with her at home. I was taking a martial arts class at a studio in Logan, and mom and Phil sparred with me at home. She thought it was too dangerous for her to take a class so I went to the class and absorbed the lessons. Then I'd replay the experience back for her and grandpa. I had to hold back in class, but I could spar at full speed with mom and grandpa. It was almost like the three of us were all taking the class together. Between what I learned in class, and grandpa's training, we all got better at our fighting skills.

I took on a bigger role in the administrative, research and investigative parts of mom's career and was officially an employee of Swan and Associates. It allowed me to receive a salary as well, and mom was adamant that it was my money. I started playing the stock market and invested most of it.

There was a wealth of information on the internet about the potential targets we picked. I became adept at checking their criminal records, looking up known associates, doing searches on license plates, tracing calls and cell phone accounts. I got good at setting up wire taps and electronic surveillance via the information super highway. I could hack into their bank records and online accounts, and even gain remote access to their secure computer records in many instances.

I could look at the internet, or talk on the phone, and nobody would ever see my face and know I was just a kid. I collected the data and set up the stings. Mom was the muscle, made the busts and kicked ass. We were a good team.

Grandma was bored staying home all the time, but she didn't really want to become involved in the family business. She could be around human more confidently now, so she got a job. She went to work for a small check cashing and payday loan business in Logan. It was the perfect job for her because she was there alone for most of her shift and there was a bullet proof glass window between her and the customers she serviced. She could talk to them through an intercom system with a microphone and speaker, and cashed checks, processed payday loans, and made phone calls to customers.

Grandpa Phil still had an intense interest in sports in general and baseball in particular, but he couldn't actually play anymore. He'd never pass the physicals and random drug tests without exposing us. He spent a lot of time going to the games, though, and became adept at photographing sports action sequences.

With his knowledge of the game, his reflexes, and his natural ability to read the players body language, he could be in the right place at the right time. He became popular with sports magazines and news publications as a freelance sports photographer, and had even wrangled a press pass so he could be down on the field on the sidelines with his camera. He loved it and it kept him busy even if he did still have to travel quite a bit.

I had actually started taking online classes of my own when we moved to Ohio. Mom and Grandma wanted me to have a well rounded education, and signed me up for home school classes. I was a little shocked and disappointed that they actually wanted me to do the entire program from start to finish. Maybe playing up the little girl act around grandma hadn't been such a good idea after all.

Personally, I would have been more than happy to simply take the GED so I could enroll in an online college degree program like mom, but mom and grandma were adamant about me completing the home school course work.

There was no way I was going to sit through this for eight years, so I compromised with them. I agreed to complete all of the course work, as long as I could work at my own pace and turn in the assignments as soon as I completed them. They agreed, and I worked on the school work in my spare time. I finished the first three grades that week. They got mad and said I wasn't taking time to really learn anything or study the material. I countered that I already knew it all, and challenged them to test me on it. I'd read the text books and memorized them. What more did they want?

They backed off and I slowed down. I figured I could wait until I was four to start online high school. Then I could start college online when I was five. I considered that three months per year of high school material was plenty of time to keep mom and grandma happy. I could have just tested out now, but they wanted to see course work and papers, and that would take time to produce.

Mom had really thrown herself into her studies over the last year and carried a full time course load plus a ton of special projects on the side. She'd actually met with some of the professors in person and had done some interning projects for course work that required hands on experience. Originally she wasn't slated to graduate until next year, but I'd looked over her transcript, and she was going to have enough credits to graduate this fall.

She hadn't said anything to any of us about it, and was probably hoping none of us would notice, but I knew what she was up to. She wanted to complete this degree quietly, and then was going to roll seamlessly into another undergraduate degree program to continue her education. She was hoping we'd never find out about this one and assume the next one was what she'd been working on all along.

I didn't really care what degree she was receiving, and I knew grandma wouldn't care either. She'd simply be proud of mom for graduating and finishing college. It was an achievement she should be proud of, not something she tried to hide from us. I wanted to celebrate this, and I was going to get my way.

I'd been keeping up with mom's education, and that was one of the reason's I'd suggested Ohio when it was time to move again. The online school mom was getting her degree from had a brick and mortar campus in Columbus. She was entitled to attend their graduation ceremony this June because she'd have enough credit hours to receive her degree.

Mom hadn't been able to graduate from high school with her class, but this was her first college degree, and I wanted her to be able to walk across the stage and get her diploma. The hard part was going to be setting it up so she wouldn't get wind of what I was planning before it was too late for her to back out. I had some ideas about how to do that.

We'd been using the name Bennett for three years now. We all agreed it was time to retire it and move on to new identities. We'd been leaving a substantial paper trail, and we knew better now how to avoid that than we had back in the beginning. The problem was we had a lot more to move than we had when we first started out. It was a big job. We'd need new birth certificates, social security cards, and new driver's licenses for starters. Mom had her PI license, carry permit, and bail bonds collection certifications to move now too. Then there was her college degree and the special certifications that went with it to think about now. We had the security company to set up so we could disappear and keep running it, so we'd probably have to incorporate it. There were our investments and brokerage accounts, and a ton of other details to consider.

I could probably do it, but it wasn't something we wanted to screw up. We really needed professional help. That meant we needed an attorney that we could trust, or at least one who wouldn't skim too much off the top. We needed an attorney that was willing to work on slightly shady dealings like setting up new identities and forged documents while keeping our secrets.

It could take years to find somebody we could trust, but I made a suggestion to mom. I told her to call Larry Schutz in Rapid City and ask him if he could recommend somebody out our way that might help us out. Two days later he sent a name and address to the e-mail address I had mom give him for contact information.

I lucked out. The address was in Columbus.

I did the initial research on the name. He appeared to be a pretty standup guy for an attorney. No police record to speak of and he'd attended a good law school. Of course if we were going to him for forged documents and falsified records, who knew if the records were true or not? I dug a little deeper, and couldn't find anything suspicious. Either he was legit, or really good. I called and set up an appointment.

Mom didn't want to let me go with her at first. She thought it was going to be too dangerous, but I was able to convince her that I had to go. Our business dealings had become much more complex from when she'd first started out and I needed to be there to lay everything out and setup what we needed from the beginning of this relationship. It would save on confusion and misunderstandings to get things done right the first time.

Don't get me wrong, mom was very intelligent. She was graduating in the top of her class after finishing a four year degree in three years with special certifications on top of the basic degree. She could have pulled this off with proper coaching. It was just easier for me to go and do it. Besides, this was my area of expertise in the family business. I handled the business side of things. Mom's job was to back me up and make sure he took me seriously.

It wasn't really a coincidence that I set up the meeting with the attorney for the same day they were holding the graduation at mom's college. They were holding the graduation ceremony at seven o'clock in the evening at the college auditorium. I'd called mom's student advisor and told her I was making arrangements for mom to be there in person to graduate. I explained that it was a surprise, and they got everything set up for me. I'd paid the additional fees, and she told me they'd have a cap and gown waiting there for her. All I had to do was get her there on time and she could walk across the stage with her class.

I made the appointment with the attorney for early that afternoon so we'd have plenty of time to discuss business, and then I just had to get mom to the college. I didn't think it would be too difficult.

I let grandma know what I was doing that week, and made her promise to keep it a secret. She couldn't understand why mom wouldn't tell her she was graduating from college, but agreed to keep it a secret. I gave her the tickets I'd gotten from mom's student advisor so she and grandpa could attend the graduation ceremony and she told me they'd be there.

Mom and I dressed up for the occasion to visit our potential new attorney. Her normal work attire wouldn't do for this meeting, or the graduation ceremony later that evening. I picked out a nice business suit for her with a pencil skirt and matching one button jacket in dark almost black grey. She had a nice pair of black stilettos that looked good with it. I tried to tell her that she didn't need the shoulder holster or pistol tucked under her left arm, but I knew she'd ignore me and wear it anyhow. She'd been doing this for a while now, and felt uncomfortable going into the city without it.

I wouldn't actually call my outfit a suit, but I picked out a nice skirt and silk blouse to wear. I had a blazer that looked good with the dark skirt, and I added a pair of three inch heels and a nice necklace for accent. My briefcase had all of the documents and papers we'd need and I tucked my laptop inside for backup, just in case, and I was good to go.

I gave grandpa a hug and kissed grandma goodbye, and then climbed into the passenger seat of mom's Camaro for the ride into Columbus. It was about fifty miles, and took us less than an hour to get there with mom driving.

It wasn't exactly an overcast day out, being an early June afternoon. The sky was a brilliant cerulean blue dotted with thick puffs of fluffy white clouds from horizon to horizon. Mom was worried about being out during the day in Columbus and complained that I should have made the appointment for later in the afternoon. I didn't see why she complained. Her windows were as heavily tinted as we could get away with, without getting a ticket, and nobody would see her in the sun.

"I still don't like this Nessie," mom complained again as she turned onto West Broad Street, across from the Ohio state capitol. I could see her constantly glancing up at the blue sky and the stark shadows cast by the bright afternoon sun.

"Don't worry so much, mom. I checked this place out. There's an underground parking garage under the office building. We can take the elevator up to our meeting, and we'll never even have to go outside."

"Oh… You could have told me that before I sat here for the last hour worrying about how I was going to get into the building without dazzling half of Columbus…"

"Worrying is your natural condition, mom. At least if you were worrying about something simple and mundane like how to deal with the sun, you wouldn't dwell on other things you can't control. Everything is going to be fine. I checked this guy out. He's going to help us. You'll see."

"After what I've seen since you were born, it's not in my nature to trust people. Most of the humans I deal with are all looking to work an angle and they all look out for what's good for them. There's always a hustle going on somewhere."

"Then accept that, and move on. We just need to find the guy that's going to give us the most bang for our buck. I'm not expecting an attorney to be honest. He wouldn't be any good to us if he was. He's going to steal from us. He just needs to understand up front how much we're willing to accept, and what will happen to him if he crosses us. You can handle that, right?"

"Not a problem." Mom said with a feral grin.

"Remember, we want this guy to work for us. Don't give him a heart attack." Mom chuckled and nodded.

"_Turn right, fifty feet ahead. You have reached your destination._" The pleasant female voice said from the GPS navigation system on the dashboard.

"This must be the place," mom said, and turned onto the ramp down into the parking garage. We were in deep shadow when she stopped in front of the barricade, and rolled down her window to take the parking ticket.

The barricade lifted up out of the way and we drove down into the parking garage. Mom found us a parking place, and we got out of the car to go to the elevators. I looked over the listings and found the name I was looking for. We got into the elevator, and I pressed the button for the thirtieth floor. There was a momentary flash of vertigo as the elevator accelerated up the shaft, and then we settled in for the trip up through the core of the building.

I was surprised we made the trip all the way up to our floor without being stopped by other people getting in or out, but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. The elevator opened onto a small lobby. There were several offices on this floor, and I looked at the directory.

"C'mon, Bella," I said, indicating a wide hall off the lobby. "It should be over here."

The door said 'Powell and Associates, attorneys at law' on the office door. I pushed it open and we walked into a nice reception area. There was a pretty blond girl sitting behind a reception counter desk. I let mom handle the initial contact.

"Hello, we're Isabella and Vanessa Bennet. We have an appointment to see Mr. Powell."

"Of course, Ms. Bennet. Please have a seat, and I'll inform Mr. Powell that you're here."

We didn't have to wait too terribly long. I knew it was part of the ritual. He made us wait so we'd think he had other important clients he had to service, but he didn't want us to wait too long and make us uncomfortable sitting out here. He wanted clients. It was how he made money. If we waited too long, he'd run the potential risk of us leaving if we thought we weren't important enough to him.

The receptionist answered a call, and then stood up. "Mr. Powell will see you now," she said, and led us through the door to another open office area with doors to several private offices.

She knocked, and then opened the door of the corner office. "Mr. Powell, Isabella and Vanessa Bennet are here for their initial consultation."

We walked into the office and she closed the door behind us. The windows were tinted smoke grey, but I already knew we wouldn't have to worry about the sun in here. Mr. Powell got up from his desk and approached us. He stepped up to mom and offered his hand.

"You must be Vanessa Bennet. I believe we spoke on the phone," He said as he shook her hand.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Powell, but you're mistaken. I'm Isabella Bennet. You spoke with my sister." Mom said.

He looked confused as he looked back and forth between us. "I'm sorry; I thought Becca said that your sister would be joining us…"

I stepped up to Mr. Powell and handed him my business card as I held out my hand. "Excuse me, Mr. Powell, I'm Vanessa Bennet. We did speak on the phone, and I set up this appointment." Mr. Powell shook my hand and then stepped back. He looked shocked as he glanced at the card that identified me as Director of Business Operations for Swan and Associates, but he was dealing with it and regrouped quickly.

"…Yes, of course, Ms. Bennet. Please, why don't you have a seat and we can get started."

I took a seat in the leather chair in front of his desk and Mr. Powell sat down behind his desk. Mom remained standing behind the corner of my chair and glanced out the window at the view of the capitol.

"Now, how can my firm help you Ms. Bennet?" Mr. Powell asked. He looked at me and then glanced up at mom. She was making a show of not paying attention, but I knew she heard every word and was paying close attention.

"I have several business arrangements and documentation issues I need your firm to handle for my family. Before I go into the specifics, I need to insure that this meeting is covered under attorney client privilege, and that nothing we discuss here today will go beyond these walls."

"An initial consultation is customarily considered privileged information, but the protections of attorney client privilege don't actually apply until you hire me or put me on retainer. At that point, I'm working for you, and anything you tell me in confidence is privileged."

"And just to be clear, once you are on retainer, you are not allowed to testify against us or divulge any of our privileged business dealings without risking disbarment or worse, correct?"

"Yes, that's how this type of arrangement usually works. Why don't you tell me what you can about the services you're looking for, and we can decide if I'm the right attorney to handle your account?"

"Ok. Let me begin by telling you that your firm was recommended to us by a Mr. Larry Schutz in Rapid City, South Dakota. We've done business with Mr. Schutz in the past. We were looking for somebody local to work with, and our needs have grown since we dealt with Mr. Schutz. Let me be frank with you, Mr. Powell. Not all of our business dealings fall strictly within the letter of the law, but they do when we're able to work things that way. If you'd like to take us on as clients, we can make this a very lucrative arrangement for you."

"I know Mr. Schutz. He's sent a lot of business my way. Now speaking completely off the record, you're looking for papers? Possibly new Identities?"

"That's one of the services we're interested in. There are some special licenses and certifications we need to follow those identities, along with some college degrees. We also have a business we're looking to incorporate so we can manage it after the new identities are established. There are additional business matters to manage as well."

"Alright, I can provide all of those services for you, but you're aware that this type of service can be very expensive, correct?"

"I am aware of the market prices for this type of service. Before we discuss this further, I'd like to put you on retainer as our attorney so anything we discuss here is a privileged conversation."

"Ok. Just so you're aware, my standard charges are one hundred fifty dollars per work hour billed plus any special fees that accrue during the course of our business arrangement. I have a schedule of fees for different type of documentation services. Normally I ask for ten percent of the estimated contract cost as a retainer, which will be applied to your account fees. I can provide you with an itemized billing statement upon request."

"That should be a satisfactory arrangement. Do you have a retainer agreement?"

"I can have Becca type one up for you…"

"That won't be necessary." I set my brief case on the desk and opened it. "I brought one with me. Please look over the terms, and if it's satisfactory, we can sign it right now." I handed him the contract, and he sat back to read through it.

"This is very specific, and the terms are very generous. I'm surprised you would put language like this into a contract. The services you require are actionable, and this could be used as evidence against you in a court of law. Actually this contract could be challenged in court, and I wouldn't necessarily be bound to honor it."

"That is a personal service contract, and will never see the inside of a court room. We don't intend to need a court to be able to enforce it. It spells out the limits of what we will accept as satisfactory conduct on your part while you represent our interests. Let me be perfectly clear with you, Mr. Powell. Should you choose to represent our interests, we will require a particularly diligent degree of loyalty to maintain our secrets. We will be trusting you with matters that cannot under any circumstances become public record. In the event that you abuse our trust, we won't be looking to the courts to redress our grievances." I looked up at mom and nodded.

This was where mom shined in our partnership. I did the talking; she backed it up and put teeth in it, literally. She reached up and opened the button on her blazer, and shrugged her shoulders slightly so it hung open and the butt of her pistol was obvious in her shoulder holster under her arm. She smiled at Mr. Powell and let her teeth show as the beast within made it's appearance. It was more of a feral grin than a happy smile as the predator showed through the careful human facade, the way a shark seemed to grin at you before it tore your leg off and ate you.

Mr. Powell's heart rate spiked and took off like a jack rabbit being chased by a rabid dog. I could smell his fear and a sheen of cold sweat broke out and beaded his forehead, but I had to hand it to him. He made no other overt reaction to mom's display beyond the involuntary physical response to imminent danger and held his poker face.

"Of course on the other hand, loyalty and jealously maintaining our trust will be richly rewarded. I'm prepared to offer you fifty thousand dollars cash as a retainer and down payment for services rendered." I reached into my brief case and laid several thick stacks of cash on the edge of his desk.

"And if I was to refuse this very generous offer?" Mr. Powell asked, but I could see him eyeing the money.

"We're not criminals, although we're often forced to skirt into the grey areas of the legal system. Sometimes we're forced by circumstance to operate outside the legal system. Nothing will happen to you if you decline our offer as long as this conversation remains private, but I have to insist that this conversation be covered under the terms of the agreement I gave you whether you accept it or not."

"Yes, of course. I'm assuming you're expecting an immediate response?"

"The offer is quite literally on the table. We can proceed if you are amenable to the terms of the agreement."

"Alright, I'll accept your offer and take you on as clients. Let me call my assistant in to witness this contract. She can notarize it and get you a copy for your records."

"Ok. Please proceed."

Mr. Powell pressed the button on his intercom. He called the receptionist and told her to bring in her notary stamp. He signed the papers when she came into the room. I signed the contract, but I was a minor, so mom countersigned it for our family as well. Then the assistant left to go make copies. We waited until she came back. I let Powell keep the original, and put the copy in my briefcase. Then I slid the cash across the table to Powell.

"That cash doesn't exist, and isn't traceable back to us, but I'll expect it to be credited to our account. I'll assume that's a satisfactory arrangement?" Powell nodded and made the money disappear into his desk.

"Ok, now that we have an official working relationship, why don't you explain specifically what you're looking for, and what you'd like me to do for you."

"Sounds good, I have some documents printed out for you to take a look at…"

I got into the meat of what I wanted him to do for us then. We laid out the new identities we would be creating and went over the special licenses and certifications we'd need. We talked about incorporating the security firm, and Powell was interested in that and how it worked. He said that he might have some clients that were interested in the services we offered and asked if he could send us some referrals. Mom talked to him about that, and agreed to accept new clients as long as they met our standards.

She didn't mind doing some honest investigation or body guard duty as long as we didn't get on the wrong side of the law. She didn't do much fugitive recovery, but she had collected bounties in the past for returning fugitives to stand trial. It depended on whether or not she caught them in the act and how much they resisted. Some of his potential referrals made a practice of offering high dollar bail bonds to clients of questionable integrity.

We spent several hours discussing everything and getting the information set up so he could go to work for us. The sun slowly sank into the west, and it was twilight before we were finished. Mr. Powell had our contact information, and would be in touch when he was ready to move forward with the work. We weren't anticipating actually needing new identities for more than six months, but we wanted to be prepared when the time came. The details of the security firm were more pressing. We wanted to set it up as a legitimate business to filter more money through as profits and salaries, and then we'd have to set it up so we could continue to control it when we moved on and changed identities.

It was dark outside when we finally left his office and walked down the hall to the elevator. I looked at my watch and checked the time. This would work out perfectly. We should have just enough time to get to the college.

"Well that worked out well," mom said. "You were great in there, Nessie. You acted very professionally."

"Yeah, not bad for a fourth grader. Any chance you'll let me test out of the rest of the classes and start college now?"

"Not a chance. I don't care how smart you are, you need to do the work and earn it. You'll thank me in the long run."

"I can do the work, but you still complain about how fast I do it. Why should I have to slog through grade school when I can read your text books and proof read your assignments?"

"It's the principle of what you're trying to accomplish that's important. Someday you'll be proud of the fact that you completed all of the work instead of just taking tests. There's something to be said for building experiences. I wish I could send you to a regular school so you could be around other kids. That's what we're really looking for out of all of this. If we can't have that, at least you can experience the class work."

"Fine, but I'm gonna finish grade school by my birthday and do high school next year."

"You don't have to rush through it, Nessie. The whole point is to enjoy the experience."

"That's my point, Bella. I'm not rushing. It's that easy for me. If you want me to have the experience, then send me to school…"

"You know we would if we could. You age too fast for us to do that. We're doing this for your own good. You'll thank me someday."

The elevator doors opened, and we stepped out to walk to the car.

"So, are you ready to head home?" mom asked. I looked at her suspiciously, but she didn't let on that she thought anything was up.

"No, we have another stop to make."

"Oh? Ok, where do we need to go? You didn't say anything earlier."

"I've been doing some research, but the library I was looking at didn't have an electronic copy of the material. There's a library at the university here that has a hard copy in their collection. I figured while we were out here, we could stop by and take a look."

"Ok. I'm always up for browsing a library and looking at books. How do I get there?"

"Here, I programmed the route into the navigation system." I tapped the touch screen on the GPS on the dashboard and started the itinerary I had programmed in, and then sat back while mom drove us to the college.

The route I had chosen took us in the back way so we avoided the crowds that were there for the graduation ceremony. Mom parked the car in a parking lot on the back of the campus, and we got out to walk to the 'library'. Mom didn't seem to be at all suspicious until we got closer to the auditorium, but we were approaching it from the back, and there weren't any signs to see. I think the crowds around the building started to tip her off.

"Is something going on here tonight, Nessie? There seem to be a lot of people here at this time of night. Is there a play or a concert scheduled?"

I was leading mom to the back door where there was a crowd milling around outside the door, and I had to tell her before she overheard the conversations and figured it out on her own.

"Mom, I wasn't totally honest with you. This is your college graduating class. Tonight is your college graduation."

"What!"

"I talked to your student advisor and made arrangements for you to attend the graduation ceremony in person instead of simply receiving your diploma in the mail. I know you didn't want to, but I'm doing this for your own good. You'll thank me for it someday."

"Nessie! No way! I'm not walking out there in front of all those people…"

"Yes you are, mom. You didn't get to attend your high school graduation because of me, but you've worked so hard for this. You deserve to have the recognition that goes along with it. I'm proud of you, and so are grandma and grandpa."

"Nessie, you didn't…" mom asked horrified.

I nodded. "They're out there in the audience waiting for you to walk across the stage."

"Oh my god!"

"Take a deep breath, and relax. You can do this. You've earned it, and you can walk out there and get your diploma."

"I didn't want mom to know… She always seems so disappointed with the choices I've made. I wanted to wait until I was getting a degree she could be proud of…"

"She is proud of you, mom. She recognizes your achievement. She knows you're doing what you have to for our family. Now c'mon, they have your cap and gown waiting for you. You just have to check in and collect it."

"I don't know if I can do this, Nessie…"

"You can. I know you can. I'm proud of you, mom."

I held her hand as we walked through the loose crowd at the door and went inside. There was a table inside with a lady seated there looking over a list on a clipboard. I led mom over, and the lady looked up at us.

"Can I help you?" she asked with a smile.

Mom didn't say anything, so I answered for her. "Isabella Bennet," I said.

The lady looked over her list. "Yes, I have you right here. Let me see… ok." She looked through a stack and took out a box and handed it to mom.

"Everything is in the package." She looked at the clock on the wall. "You have about twenty minutes to get ready. Then we'll show you where to stand. We'll line up in alphabetical order. You should be fairly close to the beginning, Ms. Bennet. There's a ladies room down the hall if you need a moment to get ready."

Mom just nodded and stared in shock. I took her hand and led her down the hall to the ladies room. She finally snapped out of it when I opened the box and took out the black gown and tried to shake out the wrinkles.

"Oh my god! I'm graduating from college…"

"Yes, you are in about fifteen minutes. Now put this on."

I held the gown for her and helped her slip it on over her suit. Then I handed her the gold honors cord to drape around her shoulders. I handed her the cap and took her purse for her.

"You can do this mom. I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you, Nessie. Thank you for doing this for me. I love you, baby."

"I love you too, mom. Will you be alright? I'm going to go find grandma and grandpa before the ceremony starts."

"I'll be fine. Thank you so much, Nessie."

Mom and I walked out of the ladies room, and she went to find out where she was supposed to line up, and I went out to find grandma and grandpa.

I found them seated at the front of the auditorium behind the chairs reserved for the graduating class in front of the stage. Grandma seemed very stiff and uncomfortable with so many people around, but she was dealing with it. She had made amazing progress over the last three years. She still wasn't as comfortable around humans as mom or grandpa was, but she could do it if she absolutely had to. Something like mom's college graduation was important enough to get her to come out in public like this.

They were saving me a seat and I moved through the crowd to sit next to grandma.

"Hi, Grandma," I said, "How are you holding up?" I asked with concern.

"This is hard, baby, but I can do this for Bella. How did she take it?"

"She was in shock for a couple of minutes, but she snapped out of it when I helped her into her gown. She was afraid that you'd be disappointed in her. She's worked very hard for this grandma, so please just be proud of her achievement. It means a lot to her that you're here."

"Why wouldn't I be proud of her? I've dreamed about this moment since she was a little girl."

"She switched majors. She didn't think you'd understand."

"Oh…"

We didn't have time to keep talking. The strains of 'pomp and circumstance' filled the hall and everybody stood up as the graduating class filed into the auditorium. It wasn't a huge class, only a couple of hundred students who decided to come in person to receive their degrees. Mom was about twenty back from the front of the line. They took their places on the rows of seats at the front of the room.

The dean stood up and introduced the graduating class of 2004 and listed some of their achievements. Then there was a guest speaker that gave a motivational speech about achieving your dreams and getting the job done.

Finally they got to the part we were waiting for and the president of the college started calling up the graduates to receive their diplomas. First he called their names, and then listed their honors, degree and any special notice they had achieved. We waited for the first several graduates to walk across the stage, and then he called mom.

"Isabella Marie Bennet. Ms. Bennet is graduating summa cum laude with a four point oh grade point average. She is receiving a bachelor of science degree in criminal justice with a concentration in private investigation and special certification in crime scene investigation."

Phil's camera flashed as he took her picture to capture to moment for us. I looked at grandma and she frowned for a second, but then she smiled and stood up and clapped with the rest of us. Mom turned with her degree in her hands and smiled back at us as the camera flashed again. I knew she was looking at grandma, and grandma just gave her the proudest smile a parent could have for their child and clapped even harder.

Mom went back to her seat and we sat down through the rest of the ceremony. Finally the graduates filed out, and we made our way through the crowd to find mom. I spotted her outside at the edge of the crowd. She waited for us as we came over to her. She could have met us, but she was standing upwind of the crowd, and I knew she was thinking of grandma and trying to make it easier for her to be out here with us.

"Congratulations, mom" I said and hugged her. She hugged me back, and then I let go and held her hand.

Grandma reached for her next and pulled mom into her arms to hug her. "Congratulations, Bella, I'm so proud of you." Grandma said.

"Really? I thought you'd be upset, mom. You always seem so disappointed in the choices I've had to make the last couple of years. I try to make you happy mom but this just seemed to fit better with what I've been doing with my life."

"I'm always proud of you, Bella. I'll admit, I don't like some of the choices you've made, but I know you try to do the right thing. I'm proud of the way you've stepped up to provide for our family, and I know we're better off because you've been so strong for us. I guess I always thought you'd be a teacher like me, but your dad was a cop, and he always had a very strong sense of right and wrong. He always wanted to do the right thing too. I see a lot of your father in you. You take after him a lot, even if you've lived with me most of your life."

"Thanks, Mom. That means a lot to me."

Grandpa Phil hugged mom next and told her congratulations, and then we started for the parking lot. Grandma walked along side mom and held her arm around her waist, hugging her close as we walked. It was good to see grandma accepting mom's chosen career path. They seemed closer than they had been for years.

**4 years old – 10.57 human years**

Jesus Christ! Where the hell was mom?

I checked my watch again and then picked up the phone on the desk. I knew the line was secure. I'd setup the wiretap myself, and I knew it wasn't monitored by anyone else. I dialed mom's number, but she didn't pickup and it went to voicemail again. I hung up the phone again and looked out the window. The sun was finally dropping below the horizon and it was twilight out now.

She should be here anytime. I checked the download progress. It was at eighty percent. If she wasn't here by the time the download finished, I was bailing and making a run for it. The dead bastard in the next room had a meet setup for tonight, and the buyers were due any time now. I wasn't going to hang out and wait for them to show up.

This computer was secure and wasn't connected to any internet sources. The only way to access it was to physically be in the room with it and hardwire a connection. It was the only reason mom had agreed to let me do this. It was my first undercover job. I fit in with the kids at the daycare center, but the shit had hit the fan when they all left for the day and I was left here alone.

I was cloning the hard drive to make a copy of it so we'd have a copy of this bastard's records. It would allow us to track down the rest of his network and find out who the rest of his business contacts were. How the hell was I supposed to know he was the pervert we were hunting? He ran a goddamned daycare center for god's sake!

The door opened and closed almost silently, ghostlike silent footsteps rapidly crossing the room. No heartbeat, so it wasn't a human. I breathed a sigh of relief and was about to call out to her.

Then I caught the scent.

Oh shit! Could this get any worse?

It wasn't mom.

I'd been around grandpa enough to recognize a male scent, but this had no trace of human in it at all. There was another vampire in the next room, and he was moving this way.

"Hello little one," the deep voice said from the doorway. "Are you able to control yourself?" He asked in a skeptical tone of voice.

I looked up at the vampire in the doorway. He was tall with a lanky build. He wore his long, sandy-colored hair tied back with a thong. His eyes were deep ruby in color.

"This isn't what you think," I said, and he raised an eyebrow, intrigued by my response.

"Apparently you do have control, little one. Perhaps the stories were exaggerated. Tell me, do you know what I'm thinking?" His tone was friendly and inquisitive. Maybe this wasn't all bad.

"If you mean, can I read minds? No, but it's pretty obvious from your questions. You think I'm an immortal child, but that isn't the case at all."

"Please enlighten me then. You look like a vampire. You smell mostly like a vampire, but I attributed the difference in scent to your youth. Your eyes are red like a vampire, and there's a freshly drained corpse in the next room. What am I missing?"

"The heartbeat? Surely you can hear my heart pounding in my chest?"

"That is coming from you, isn't it? It doesn't sound like a normal heartbeat, but your skin is flushed. Curious, very curious indeed. To be honest, I have to admit I've never encountered another creature quite like you. If you don't mind my asking, what are you?"

"I don't mind. I suppose you could say I'm a hybrid. My father was a vampire, but my mother was still human when I was conceived and she remained human until I was born."

"And does your mother still live? From your statement, I have to assume she is no longer human?"

I heard the door open and close again as another silent body entered the building. The vampires head turned toward the door the same time mine did.

"No, she's a vampire, too. I believe that would be her now…"

A feral roar ripped through the room and suddenly mom landed in the doorway in a battle crouch. She didn't look at all human as she inhaled sharply to track the scents in the room. Her teeth were bared, ready to tear and rend, and her hands were curled like talons ready to rip and shred her opponent.

The vampire in the doorway had the good sense to get out of her way and had bounded to the far corner of the room.

She roared again and slowly advanced into the room, clearing the doorway. Then she yelled at me. "Nessie, get out! Now!" Her eyes never wavered from the vampire in the corner of the room as she prepared to pounce.

The vampire raised his hands in a sign of peace. "I have no quarrel with you or your child. I mean you no harm. I tracked the evil doers to this establishment where they were preying upon innocent children. I only came here to mete out punishment for their heinous crimes."

Mom stopped. She relaxed her battle crouch infinitesimally. "You're hunting the child pornographers too? How did you know they were here?"

"I've been back tracking their distribution network. I questioned some of their delivery drivers before I sent them to perdition. Their answers led me back here. How did you find them?"

"We tracked the missing children's reports back to this daycare center. It isn't just kids that are disappearing. Older siblings have been abducted as well. Most of them are girls. We think it's a white slavery scam for sex slaves and prostitution. That's why Nessie wanted to get into their computer records. We wanted to find out what was happening to them."

Mom had relaxed now that she was talking shop, and didn't look like she was ready to pounce anymore.

"Yeah, well I hacked their records, and I'm cloning the hard drive. It's done… now. Dead guy there in the closet was running the child pornography ring. He's got a meet setup with some buyers tonight. They're supposed to meet him here…"

Then mom turned and looked at me for the first time instead of the other vampire.

"Oh my god, Nessie! What did you do?"

"The bastard put his hand up my skirt and touched me! He was gonna tie me up and take pictures while he raped me! What the hell was I supposed to do, slap his hand away and tell him to be nice? I broke the bastard's neck!"

"Your eyes are red! You didn't have to drink his blood too! I didn't raise you to be like that!"

"He was dead. I was curious. I couldn't see letting it go to waste. I liked it, so sue me. It's how we're supposed to live, mom. It's what we're evolved to do. I agree with you that it's wrong to prey on innocents, but he was as bad a predator as they come."

"That's no excuse…!"

"And why didn't you answer your phone? I called you like six time to tell you the shit hit the fan. Who the hell did you think was calling? The dead asshole? He didn't even have your cell number!"

"You know the protocol. You set it up. No calls on a land line phones. Only encrypted cells when we're in the field… I got here as soon as the sun set."

"I so want my own cell phone…"

"We've talked about this. Not until you're older…"

The tall blond vampire was studying mom, and then he spoke. "Your eyes are different. I have seen this before. You abstain from drinking human blood? I am curious, is this a religious conviction? The other vampire that I met was the son of a clergyman."

"No, I'm not particularly religious, although I do not dispute the existence of a supreme being. I don't drink human blood when I can avoid it. I'll confess that I have had more than my share of accidents, but I don't seek it out. This vampire that you knew, was his name Carlisle Cullen? I knew him when I was human. I suppose I share his philosophy to a point."

"Yes, his name was Carlisle Cullen, but I haven't seen him for over a hundred years. Is he well?"

"I knew him five years ago. He is quite prosperous now. He leads a coven of six others besides himself. All of them abstain from drinking human blood and survive by hunting animals. There is another coven of five in Alaska that abstain from human blood as well."

"That is truly amazing. It's truthfully hard to believe that you have the fortitude of will to withstand the call of the blood the way you do."

"Thank you," mom said, but she was still glaring at me. "I'm not through with you yet, Miss. We're going to have a long talk about this when we get home."

"Please don't be too harsh on the little one. Aren't we all entitled to our own opinions and philosophy of life? To be honest, I must say I share her opinion about our existence and physical needs. Her philosophy on our means of subsistence is the same as mine as well. I do not partake of innocent blood, but seek out the criminals and evil doers that plague our society. It helps to salve my conscience that I am performing a service to my fellow man by reason of my existence."

"Thank you… I'm sorry; I didn't catch your name?" I asked

"Please excuse my oversight. I did not have the opportunity to properly introduce myself. I am Garrett."

"Just Garrett? Is that your first name or your last name?" I asked.

He smiled at me and shrugged. "Nobody was ever curious enough to ask until now, little one. It is my surname, but it has served me well enough alone these two centuries past."

"May I ask what your first name is then?"

"Nessie! Don't be rude. He'd tell you if he wanted you to know it." Mom said, shocked at how forward I was acting.

I was just curious. I'd never met another vampire besides my family. Particularly one who lived the way I thought we should live too.

"No, it's alright. My given name is Bartholomew, but it trips ungainly from the lips and I rarely make use of it."

"Bartholomew Garrett. I like the sound of it."

"I suppose I should make our introductions as well," mom said. "I'm Bella, and the little scamp over there is Nessie."

"I suppose Bella is short for Isabella, but I'm at a loss for Nessie. Would you be Agnes then?"

"Huh, never thought of that one. No, it's short for Renesmee, but I usually tell humans my name is Vanessa. I don't care for any of my names either, so I'm just Nessie."

"Renesmee, that is uncommon, but I like the sound of it."

"See," mom said. "It's not as bad as you thought."

"Yeah, perfect. All of the two hundred year old vampires I know like my name. Hold on while I go have nameplates printed for my library."

Garrett chuckled. "I suppose you have me at a disadvantage. Have you a surname as well?"

"Well, as long as we're being totally honest, I was born Swan, but we're currently using Brandon on our papers and ID's to fit in with the humans." Mom answered for us.

"You coexist with the humans and blend into human society? I have always been curious about trying to attempt that, but to be honest; I have always lived a primarily nomadic existence."

"You seem like a good and honest man, Garrett. The nomads I knew when I was human weren't nice people."

He shrugged. "Everyone is different. Many of our kind become jaded by our existence and lose their humanity. I strive to maintain the convictions and morality I was raised with as a human. That is why I seek out the wrong doers to sustain my existence."

"I can share you sentiments about hunting criminals. I've kind of made a career of doing just that."

"If I may be so bold, why do you hunt criminals if you do not partake of their blood?"

"My father was a policeman, and he raised me to have a strong sense of right and wrong. Using the gifts I've been given to stop criminals seemed like the right thing to do. Besides, when I was a newborn, it was difficult to be around humans enough to find a decent job. I found that if I stopped criminals, I could relieve them of their ill gotten gains and put their money to use supporting my family to allow us to blend into society more easily. It's proven to be a most lucrative career."

"So you don't kill them for the blood, but for the money. We are both vampires after a fashion then. I suppose I can't complain. I often take enough of their money to provide for the necessities of life as well. They are criminals after all, and the outcome is the same. They are dead and the world is a better place without them. I have never tried to coexist extensively with humans, so I will have to take you at your word that the money is necessary for your existence."

A car pulled up outside and stopped. The motor shut off and doors opened and slammed shut. Footsteps moved to the door. There was a knock.

"Ok, that's going to be dead guy's buyers." I said speaking quickly. "They're here to setup a new distribution contract. Bad guys at twelve o'clock, can we kick ass now and talk later?"

"You want their money?" Garrett asked mom.

"Yes, you want their blood?" Mom asked.

He nodded "Yes. We have an agreement then?"

Mom nodded "Agreed, Let's do this. Why don't you get the door and invite them in? They're expecting a man to answer."

He nodded, and then moved past mom into the next room. Garrett moved to the door and opened it.

"_Please come inside,_" He said with a flourish as he held the door open for them.

I could smell them as they walked in and heard their footsteps and heartbeats. There were three of them, two men and a woman.

Something was wrong though, the car had sounded heavier when it drove up and stopped. I analyzed how their footsteps had sounded as they walked away from it to the door. I moved to the corner of the window and peeked out.

Shit!

I knew it! The driver was still in the car.

"_You're here to set up the new distribution contract?_" mom asked in the other room.

"_Yes, but we thought we'd be dealing with Mr. Truman…_" the woman said.

I moved to the side door and slipped out of the building…

"_Mr. Truman was delayed. We're his associates. I'm Bella and this is Garrett. We're capable of dealing with you._"

"_Ok… Do you have the samples of the new collection to show us then? Truman said he had something special for us tonight when we spoke earlier. One of his little friends was going to entertain us?_"

I moved through the shadows, stalking closer to the car…

"_Yes… do you have the cash? Show me the money, and then we'll take care of you…_" Heavy snaps on a case flicking open, the squeak of oiled leather as a case flexed open.

"_It's all there. Would you like to count it? I'm anxious to see what you've got for us…_"

The car windows were open. I crouched as my muscles bunched to pounce…

"_I'm sure you are. You know, Truman was going to have my daughter entertain you…_" One piercing scream, suddenly cut off. Bones popped and the sound of her neck snapping was a sound I was all too familiar with. The scuffle was brief.

The driver was getting anxious. I could smell sweat and adrenaline. The driver's hand slipping into a pocket reaching for a cell phone when she heard the scream…

I launched myself through the open car window and wrapped my arm around her neck. The seat belt resisted and bones popped as I dragged her into the back seat regardless. There was a single startled yelp and then her eyes were glassy and staring when her neck snapped.

The body went limp, but her heart would keep beating for a few more seconds. Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. I didn't understand why mom was so squeamish. She knew what this was like. Why did she resist so much? I'd gone this far and there was no sense letting her go to waste…

My teeth sank into her throat…

The faltering heartbeat still pumped the blood and the glorious flood splashed into my mouth and flowed down my throat.

This was thousands of times better than any animal blood. Bliss flooded through my body for the second time that day, and it was every bit as intense and wonderful as the first time. I had never experienced anything like this in my short existence, but it was a feeling I could get used to as the hot thick nectar flooded my mouth.

There was no loss of awareness. I didn't have bloodlust like mom. I didn't lose myself in the moment, but was able to fully savor every drop of the intensely magnificent experience. It was over all too soon again as the carcass ran dry and I released the corpse. She collapsed limply onto the floor between the seats.

I opened the car door and got out. This one wasn't going anywhere for now, so I went to the door the other three had entered by.

I was pretty sure there were two bodies on the floor. The woman's body was literally torn limb from limb and scattered across the room. I had to count the pieces to be sure of the body count but there was very little blood splashed about.

Garrett was still finishing off the last one as he knelt over the body cradling it as he drank.

Mom had her back turned so she wouldn't have to watch. She was holding the case with the money.

"You missed one," I said. "The driver stayed in the car. She was going to make a call when she heard the scream. I took care of her."

Mom turned; startled I supposed to have me behind her when she thought I was still waiting in the next room.

Her eyes were ruby red when she looked at me.

"Well, it looks like everybody had a little snack tonight. Are we having some anger issues we need to work on?"

"I thought about what she wanted to do to you… I got mad… I couldn't help myself…"

"I thought you had a deal with Garrett? Wasn't he supposed to eat them, and you got the money? Maybe he deserves a cut."

"I do not want their money," he said as he stood up and turned to us, "but I would take enough to rent a hotel room so I can have a hot shower. If that's not asking too much…I will honor our agreement."

"You don't have to go to a hotel," mom said. "We have a house outside of town. Let's get this cleaned up, and you can come home with us if you like. You're more than welcome to use the shower, and we can get you some fresh clothes too if you'd like."

"That is a most gracious invitation. I will accept your offer."

-0-

"So, when you say that you have never tried to coexist extensively with humans, what exactly does that mean? Are you comfortable with modern conveniences and technology?" I asked as we drove down the long driveway to our house.

Garrett chuckled. "I do not go out of my way to blend in or live among humans, but I don't live under a rock. I change with the times and adapt. I can use a telephone and drive a car. I have a laptop computer so I can use the internet. I have a bank account and a debit card, but I do not maintain a permanent residence or attempt to hide my identity. I only acquire as much official paperwork as is required to live in this modern world. I find that the documents provided by the government serve my needs. I rent a post office box for correspondence purposes, but I do not visit it more than a couple of times a year."

Mom parked the car and we got out to walk up to the main house from the garage. This house was bigger than our house in Ohio. Mom and I each had our own room and bathroom this time, but I didn't mind. I was getting to be old enough that I enjoyed a degree of privacy now. Both of our rooms were upstairs and next door to each other. Grandma and grandpa had a separate suite downstairs at the other end of the house so they could have some privacy.

There was a large study that mom and I shared on the first floor. We used it as an office for our business dealings and worked on our online classes there. Mom was working on her master's degree in criminology, and I was doing high school online.

Mom still wouldn't let me test out of high school, and I was frustrated at how slow I had to go to complete enough credits to graduate. The school wouldn't let me carry as many credits as I wanted to, and mom wouldn't let me dual enroll in two schools at the same time to finish sooner. At this rate, it was going to take me two years to finish high school, and I wouldn't be able to start college until I was six.

Grandma and grandpa had realized we had a visitor and were waiting for us in the living room when we walked in. I could sense Garrett's surprise, and I could see the recognition of that fact on Grandpa Phil's face. He was sensitive to body language and picked up on people's moods.

Grandma had found a job managing a check cashing and payday loan company branch office for a large franchise chain after we moved. She still maintained the mostly private work environment, but was responsible for running the store now too. Grandpa was still working as a freelance sports photographer, but was doing some scouting too on the side now.

"Mom, Phil, this is Garrett. We met him in town this evening. He was hunting the same predators we were tracking, and he helped us with them. I asked him to come home with us to visit for a while. Garrett doesn't maintain a permanent residence, and I offered him the hospitality of our home. Garrett, this is my mother, Renee Dwyer, and my step father, Phil Dwyer."

Garrett extended his hand to shake hands with Phil. "It's a pleasure to meet you Phil." They shook hands, and then he turned to mom to shake her hand as well. "Mrs. Dwyer, thank you for welcoming me to your home."

"Oh, please, call me Renee," Grandma said. "We don't often have company, and it'll be a nice change to have somebody we can talk to openly." Mom led him into the living room and indicated he should sit in one of the arm chairs as she took a seat on the sofa next to Phil.

"Please excuse my curiosity, but you are not like any vampires I have ever met. Are you hybrids too, like Nessie? I don't see how that could be possible if Bella is your daughter…"

"I guess Bella and Nessie didn't have time to tell you our story yet. Phil and I were both born human. Nessie changed us. We're like this because of her hybrid venom, instead of being turned by traditional vampire venom. We share a lot of her unique characteristics, but we're more like other vampires than you'd think at first sight."

"Obviously your eyes are different, and your scent isn't quite like other vampires. I can hear your heartbeats. Are there other differences?"

"We can eat some human food, but most of it tastes disgusting. We live on a diet of primarily blood. We still have the same strong bloodlust like traditional vampires, and our skin sparkles in the sunlight. Our senses are enhanced, and we have most of the strength and speed. We don't have unlimited endurance though, and we can sleep."

"You sleep? Truly, I must admit that of any of the things I might miss from being human, it is the ability to sleep. I have spent over two hundred years in one long endless series of days and nights without respite. It leaves too much time for introspection and contemplation of the human condition. There are time when it pains me to see what has become of this land that so many fought for and gave their lives to buy our freedom from oppression, only to breed in upon our own doorstep and within the halls of government."

"Two hundred years?" Phil said slightly awed. "You fought for independence in the revolutionary war?"

"Yes, I was a free tradesman in New England when the congress declared independence from England. I was a patriot and enlisted in the militia to fight for the cause of freedom. The vampires that had come to the colonies and made their home in the new world rejoiced at the onset of war and the free flowing bloodshed it left in its wake."

"You were turned during the war?" Mom asked.

Garrett nodded. "I was with a small detachment of troops skirmishing with the British and foraging for supplies in the countryside when we were set upon by a vampire. He decimated our company and set to feeding. He had sated himself upon eight of my companions before he fed from me, but he was already beyond full and could drink no more. It was not his intention to turn me, and he struck me a grave blow to the head to end my life. He did not do as much damage as he thought, and the venom coursing through my veins healed me as I burned through the change. I awoke three days later to this new life. That happened in 1780. I never knew the name of the vampire that turned me. I never saw him again."

"That must have been terrible waking up alone and confused and not knowing what had happened to you," Grandma said. "How did you resist the temptation to…? I suppose you didn't, did you…"

"I had heard legends and stories, much as you probably had been exposed to, but I didn't believe them until I was forced to accept the truth. It was a time of war, and I did not have to resist the temptation to feed. I was surrounded by enemies that I had already been charged to destroy and drive from the land we claimed. I did my patriotic duty, feeding upon our enemies."

"What did you do when the war ended?" I asked, but I already knew.

"By the time the war ended, I had learned control and limited my feeding to wrong doers and criminals. It was a different time, and the majority of the criminals that fill our prisons today were executed then. I felt no shame in preempting the hang man and meting out the punishment they were due. To my way of thinking, it did not matter if a jury of their peers had condemned them to the gallows if the evidence of their misdeeds was evident for all to behold."

"So, have you always lived in Pennsylvania, Garrett?" Grandma asked to change the subject. Talk of feeding and eating humans still made her uncomfortable, and she preferred not to discuss it.

"No, I am originally from the Boston area, but I have traveled the length and breadth of this continent. My forays into the south were brief, though. I did not wish to become embroiled in the conflicts that are commonplace among the southern covens. They squabble over territory and hunting rights and their numbers often grow to the point that they attract the wrath of the Italians."

"Yes," mom said. "I've met some of them. The Italians, that is. It's best to avoid them if at all possible."

"I do not trust them, but I suppose they serve a purpose. They keep the southerners in check. Why do you wish to avoid their notice?"

"I thought that would be obvious. You mistook Nessie for an immortal child, and only recognized the truth because you were close enough to hear her heartbeat. You can imagine what would happen if rumors spread and stories got back to Volterra. They'd hunt us down and destroy us before we had a chance to explain ourselves."

"Your family is less of a threat to our secrets than many vampires I have met. It is easier for you to blend in with humans than traditional vampires, but you have the same needs for discretion and anonymity. I can't believe they would consider you to be a threat, but I understand your trepidation with your concern for Nessie's safety. I will guard your secrets. None shall learn of your existence from me."

"Thank you Garrett. Hopefully in a few more years, it won't be an issue anymore. My biggest fear is that some vampire will see her and make the assumption that she's an immortal child and turn us in to the Volturi. In another couple of years, she'll look old enough that it won't be a problem anymore."

"She does not share your immortality? I should have realized when she said she was born…"

"Nessie grows, and apparently she ages. She grows very much faster than a human child in fact. I don't know yet if she's immortal as well… Her scent has changed as she grown up. The vampire scent grows stronger every year as the human scent fades. I would like to believe that when she reaches her full maturity that she'll stop aging and she'll be immortal like the rest of us, but I suppose we'll have to wait and find out."

"It would seem like a logical conclusion. I have never met a vampire that was not immortal, and if her vampire scent grows stronger as you say, then it is likely only a matter of time. As you say though, only time will tell. I pray that you are correct in your conjecture."

"Thank you. Now, I promised you a hot shower and some fresh clothes. Would you like me to show you to the guest room so you can freshen up? Then I can show you the rest of the house and some of the local attractions if you'd like."

"Yes, please, Bella. I would appreciate that."

Then mom turned to me. "I'll get Garrett settled in, and then we're going to have a talk, Miss."

I nodded, and sat stoically, waiting to face the music. This conversation had been building for years, and it was time to talk about it. Grandma finally took a close look at me for the first time since we'd brought Garrett home.

Grandma gasped, and the blood drained out of her face as she studied my eyes. "Oh my god! What did you do, Nessie?" I knew it was a rhetorical question. She knew exactly what I had done. Now it was just a question of how they would deal with it.

"Wait until mom get's back, and we'll talk."

Grandma turned to mom, about to speak, and then she finally noticed mom's eyes as well. "Oh my god, you too? I told you it was too dangerous getting Nessie involved in your work!"

"I'll be back in a minute, mom, and then we can talk about this."

"I can go if this is a troubling time for you…" Garrett started.

"No, we just have some things to discuss as a family. You're welcome here, and I offered you our hospitality. You don't need to leave. C'mon, I'll show you to the guestroom."

Mom led Garrett up the stairs and they disappeared down the hallway. She was back in a minute and sat beside me on the sofa.

"Ok, show me what happened," mom said.

I took her hand, and then I looked over at Grandma and held my hand out to her. "You should see this too. Then we can talk." She got up and took my other hand and then sat beside me.

When I was little, I had started off sharing my visions by touching their cheek. As I got older and my gift developed and got stronger, I discovered I only needed physical contact to forge a link.

I knew mom was expecting me to show her what had happened at the daycare center and why I felt justified in killing the bastard that was going to do those things to me. I would get to that, but I went back further to lay the ground work for this conversation.

I started at the beginning.

I went all the way back to my first flickers of awareness when I knew I was different and I wasn't human.

I let them feel the love I had felt before I was born.

I shared the all consuming conviction and knowledge that following my instincts was the right way to live my life and that humans were our natural prey animal.

I showed them mom's fears that she was bringing a monster into the world and the fact that she was correct if you viewed me from a human point of view.

Then I showed it to them from my point of view, but then I wasn't human, and I never had been.

My family tended to think of me as a little girl trapped in a half-vampire body. They felt sorry for me and wanted to cast me in a human mold, when that was the furthest thing from the truth. My reality was that I was a vampire trapped in a half-human body, and I would willingly embrace my true nature if I didn't know how that reality would hurt my family.

I flashed forward to the events of this afternoon. Mom had called in to the daycare center according to plan, saying she had car trouble and would be there late to pick me up, and Mr. Truman saying it was fine and he'd stay late to watch me. It was a setup to give me time to hack his computer. We didn't know that he was the predator we were hunting, and had assumed he would be busy cleaning up after the other kids left for the evening.

I was supposed to be playing a kids computer game in the office, but I was busy hacking his secure computer. I found his hidden files and the child pornography videos. I flashed through the series of pictures and videos I had discovered so there was no doubt whatsoever in their minds that he was anything but the lurking predator we had been searching for. I was viewing his collection of naked pictures of kids from the daycare when he came into the office. Many of them involved sexual acts with children in the room I was sitting in. I switched screens to the game when he walked up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. He asked me if I wanted to play another game, but I told him no.

I was shocked for a minute when he pulled my chair back from the desk, spun it around and put his hands between my knees. I saw the rope and the camera, and I could picture the scene from the pictures I had just been looking at. I knew what he had planned. Then his hands were sliding up my legs under my skirt and he touched my panties. He touched me and stroked between my legs as the rage built inside of me.

Then I lunged at him. My arms wrapped around his neck as I flipped onto his back and used the momentum and leverage to fling him across the room to land sprawling in front of the walk-in closet file room. I heard and felt his neck snap as I launched him across the room. My leap carried me across the room as I registered the scent of my fresh kill and pounced to secure my prey.

I didn't feel bloodlust like mom, but my instinct roared at me that this was what I was evolved to do. I had made my kill and this was my natural prey… Instinct and curiosity warred with what I had been taught all my life. I wanted to keep mom happy but I knew this was what I was supposed to do… He was already dead, and he had deserved to die. Was it really so bad? Why should I let him go to waste? When I was little and couldn't finish a whole bear by myself, mom had shared with me so we wouldn't waste the kill…

Instinct and curiosity won out.

My teeth sank into his neck and I drank…

Grandma had never experienced human blood. I didn't hold anything back and shared the entire experience. The texture and feel of the hot blood in my mouth, the taste, the scent, the ecstasy as I savored every drop as it rolled down my throat, the disappointment when the corpse ran dry and there was no more to drink.

I flashed forward to meeting Garrett, and focused on how mom had looked as she leaped into the room and stalked toward Garrett to defend me. She was clearly not human at that point.

I flashed forward to the arrival of the new group of predators and her agreement with Garrett.

I played through all of the sensory data that had led me to believe that one of them had stayed outside, the conversation I had overheard, and then I ran through my stalk and kill of the human predator in the car.

My point of view followed my path inside and the tableau I walked in on with bloody body parts scattered around the room.

I was up to the point where mom explaining how she had gotten mad and snapped as she turned toward me with her ruby red eyes when I realized something profound.

I instinctively knew that I was in control of this situation. All those shopping trips where mom shopped with me despite her aversion to shopping and I got my way, the times I had talked her into doing things that were good for her but she wouldn't do them herself, but had done then to please me. Suddenly it all made sense now.

They hadn't tried to pull away and they were accepting everything I showed them, but it went deeper than that. Somehow I was causing an irresistible compulsion for them to accept what I was showing them. I realized for the first time that I could extend this control and alter their perceptions. I wasn't simply projecting visions and memories, I could influence there basic belief systems and alter their reality to accept my point of view.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I could make mom embrace her instincts and want to be a vampire. I could impose my point of view and alter her reality if I wanted to.

Somehow I instinctively knew I had that power, but I knew in my heart that I couldn't possibly do that to her. It made me sick to even think about doing it. I shied away from even remotely considering doing that to her, although I knew I had I could do it.

I wanted her to want it, but it had to be what she wanted because she accepted it herself. I couldn't take away her freewill, although she'd never know it if I did. I didn't want her to want it because I made her want it. I wanted her to accept it because it was how we were supposed to live, not because I made her want it.

The unexpected realization of the power I held broke my concentration and suddenly the visions stopped.

"Oh my god!" Grandma gasped as she snatched her hand away and lurched off the sofa. Her hand flew to her mouth and she stumbled into the bathroom. Phil was up off the other sofa and following her as we heard her being violently ill.

"Nessie! That was uncalled for! Mom didn't need to see all of that!"

I was still reeling from the discovery I had just made, but I couldn't think about it now. I couldn't tell them about what I had discovered, or they'd never trust me again. Besides, Garrett was in the house and I didn't want him to hear us discuss it. I just stuck to my original plan to present my arguments.

"Yes she did, mom. It's the reality of how we live. You all keep treating me like I'm a human girl. I'm not. I never have been. Humans are my natural prey animal. This is how we're evolved to live."

"We do not eat humans! It's wrong!"

"Why is it wrong? Did it feel wrong tonight? I'm willing to concede the fact that we shouldn't eat innocents, but why is it wrong to prey on the predators you hunt?"

"They're people, Nessie! I cannot condone feeding on intelligent human beings…!"

"That's your left over human morality speaking and causing you to try and reject your vampire instincts!"

"Well, I'm sorry! I was born human and I feel it's wrong to eat humans…!"

"That doesn't seem to stop you from killing them. Does it really matter if you drink their blood too after you put a bullet in their brain or snap their neck? Who's being the hypocrite now? If it's alright to execute them for being criminals and make the world a better place because they aren't a part of it anymore, does it really matter whether or not you live like your instincts demand? Why are you fighting what you are so hard, mom?"

"Is it so wrong to want to hold on to some shred of my humanity? Perhaps I am a hypocrite because I kill to make the world a better place while denying my nature, but it's how I choose to live…! I don't want to be a monster…!

"I'm not human, and I never was, mom. I look at this instinctively from the vampire perspective. You're only a monster from a human point of view. Is a cheetah a monster when it eats a gazelle? Is a polar bear a monster when it eats a seal? Is a house cat a monster when it keeps the mice out of your kitchen? You're a vampire, and your natural prey animals are humans. You see yourself as a monster because you insist on looking at this from the human perspective!"

"I'm not going to stand here and argue with you about this! Go to your room! We can sit down and talk about this when we've had some time to cool off!"

"You're sending me to my room? Don't treat me like a child! We need to discuss this!"

"You are a child, Nessie! Goddamn it, you're four years old, and I told you to go to your room!"

"Fine, I'll give you time to think about this," I turned and flew up the stairs to my room and slammed the door behind me.

That didn't go exactly how I had planned, but I'd said my piece. I knew mom would think about it now and that was good enough for me for now. I wanted her to make her own decisions, and accept how we were supposed to live because accepting and following our instincts was the correct way for us to live. I knew I could not impose my way of thinking on her, even if I now realized I had the ability to do just that. I wanted her to accept how we were supposed to live, but I knew she needed more time. I lay back on my bed, and listened to see what would happen now.

Footsteps moved across the room. "_Mom, are you ok?_" Mom asked at the bathroom door.

"_I never realized it would be like that… It was like that for you every time? How could you possibly fight something like that…? And you're still able to resist?_"

"_Yes…_"

"_You're so much stronger than I gave you credit for, Bella… I didn't appreciate how intense the experience would be…_"

Grandma got up off the floor, and I heard them move back to the sofa.

"_What am I going to do mom? I don't know what to say to her… She's right… I am a hypocrite… It is what she was evolved for. She is a predator, and its how she's meant to live… We're all predators…, but I still can't live like that… There's no way I can believe in my heart that it's ok and the right way to live… No matter how different I am, I still see them as people. Even the ones I've killed… I have to believe I'm serving the greater good if only to maintain my own sanity…_"

"_She's young, but she's not a four year old, Bella. Her intelligence gives here a degree of maturity beyond her years, but she isn't an adult yet either. I'm sure you've noticed how her body's changing. She's going to need you to guide her and teach her. She's growing up and entering the equivalent of her teenage years…_"

"_She's like twelve years old physically mom. I figured we had more time._"

"_You got your period before you were thirteen, and you were a handful at that age. It's natural to expect some rebellion. She's going to question your authority and wonder why she has to live by the rules you set. Sometimes you just have to be the parent and say that's how it is just because you said that's how it's going to be. Right and wrong doesn't always matter if you're firm in your conviction that you're right. You're going to have to make rules for her and then make her abide by them._"

"_That seems awfully draconian…_"

"_Do you want her to hunt humans?_"

"_No…_"

"_Then set the rules and lay down the law. When she's an adult, she can make her own decisions. As long as she's the child and you're the parent, then she follows your rules. It's your job as a parent to make rules that she still wants to believe in and follow when she's an adult._"

"_What if she won't? What do I do if this does turn into full scale teenaged rebellion?_"

"_Nobody ever said being a parent was easy._ _You're going to have to decide how much she can get away with and where you draw the line. You need to figure out what you can compromise on and what's off limits. You need to pick your battles and let her have some freedom to test her limits too."_

"_So when you say pick my battles, Just say no to humans? Where do I cut her some slack then?" _

"_She's going to start noticing boys soon. That should keep her occupied as long as she doesn't bite them…"_

"_Mom!" _

"_Oh don't pretend like you didn't look. You were always just so shy though. I don't think that'll be an issue with Nessie."_

"_I guess I'm more worried about her fighting me on the human blood issue." _

"_You could always threaten to send her to live with her father. I seem to remember that he has fairly strong views on this subject…_"

"_God, Mom! I don't even know where he is…_"

"_Well, maybe it's time you started looking. You're the private investigator, isn't that what you do? You could find him if you wanted too. You shouldn't have to do this alone. Phil and I will back you up and support you, but maybe you could use a little help from the rest of her family. God knows, we don't have all the answers. We haven't been doing this as long as they have. Her grandfather's never touched a drop of human blood in three hundred years. Maybe you need to talk to him. He has to have his reasons…_"

There were ghostlike footsteps in the hallway, and I hadn't even realize Garrett had been standing outside my door. I knew he had heard everything I had heard. He walked down the hallway and down the stairs now to stop in the living room.

"_Bella… Thank you for the hospitality you have offered._" Garrett said. "_I should take my leave now. I can see that this is a trying time for your family, and my presence will likely only exacerbate the situation due to my lifestyle choice. I do not wish to bring strife to your household_."

"_No, you don't have to leave, Garrett. I told you I'd show you around. Let's do that. I need to get out of here for a while…_"

"_Are you sure? I don't want to cause trouble…_"

"_Actually, I'd like to talk to you. I'm sure you have a unique perspective on this situation, and I'd like to hear your views._"

"_I'm sure it's hardly unique, but I have some experience wrestling with the dilemma you face. I can see that you're still relatively new to this life. I can share with you what Information I have, but your decisions are still your own._"

"_Thank you…_" Their voices faded away as they moved outside and out of range.

I lay there for a long time thinking about everything I had done and said and heard. I realized grandma was right. My body was changing. I'd noticed the differences but I hadn't said anything to mom or grandma yet. Were the hormones that were starting to make changes in my body affecting my moods and emotions and decisions? Were they somehow altering the abilities that I had been born with? I knew my body was maturing. Were my abilities maturing as my body grew and changed?

I knew I was becoming a young woman, but was by body even capable of having a period? Mom and Grandma didn't have one anymore because their bodies didn't change that way. They didn't have a monthly cycle or ovulate, but my body changed. It changed a lot all the time as I grew up too fast. I knew academically that the reason women had periods was because they could get pregnant and have babies. Was that even an option for me?

I knew in the core of my being that trusting my instincts was the right thing to do, and my instincts told me that humans were my natural prey, but I loved mom and I respected her beliefs too much to change them for her. This would be so much easier if mom would trust her instincts the way I did, but she wasn't me, and I most definitely wasn't her. I had waited four years for her to wake up and trust her instincts. Another four years or even longer wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe my judgment was clouded by the changes my body was going through. I knew the right thing to do was let mom and grandma continue to guide me until I was an adult too. We could postpone continuing this discussion until we could all discuss it rationally. I doubted my position on the subject would change, but I was willing to bide my time.

It was much latter that evening when I heard grandma in the hallway before she knocked on my door.

"Can I come in, Nessie?" Grandma asked.

I sat up on the bed. "Yes, Grandma, It's alright…"

She opened the door and came in. she walked over to me and sat down on the bed.

"You can come back downstairs now if you'd like. I think we've all had enough time to cool off and think about everything. Would you like to come down to the study, and maybe we can work on your lessons together."

"Ok… Grandma, I'm sorry I upset you. Mom was right. I shouldn't have laid all of that on you…"

"It's alright, Nessie. It was startling and unexpected, but I always want to know how you feel, baby girl. You shouldn't have to keep all of that bottled up inside of you just to save my feelings. We know how you feel now, and we can talk about it."

"It's been building up for such a long time, grandma, but what I did was rude. I should have warned you, or gone slower to let you adjust to it. I was mad and I lashed out. I guess I wanted you and mom to feel what I'm feeling."

"It's ok, sweetheart. Sometimes you're just going to do things or say things because you're mad, and you don't think anybody is going to understand. Acting out and trying to express yourself is natural at your age. Well, your physical age."

"Your body is changing, Nessie. You might understand intellectually what's happening, but you're entering puberty. You hormones are going to affect your moods and emotions while your body goes through changes. It's normal to feel angry or sad or even happy for the strangest reasons. We'll all help you, and we understand what you're going through. This is part of growing up as you become a young woman."

"Do you think my body will even be able to change that way?"

"I suppose only time will tell, but you've gone through all of the other normal stages of development, albeit at an accelerated rate. You're about four and a half years old, but your body is at about a twelve year old level of development. If you grow up and change like your mother did, you'll probably get your period sometime in the next six months, before you turn five. Do you understand what that means? I can help you understand…"

"No, I'm good…" I knew I was blushing bright red, but I knew what to expect if it happened. "Why don't we go downstairs and work on that school work. Maybe I could use a little help after all."

We went downstairs, and I let grandma help me with my school work. I didn't need help, and could have gone faster alone, but it made her happy and feel useful to help me.

Mom and I talked the next day. I apologized for my outburst and told her I wasn't going to rock the boat and insist on hunting humans. I couldn't guarantee everything would be smooth sailing for the next couple of years, but I let her know I'd try to live by the rules she set. I told her she didn't have to look for my father, and she realized I had heard her conversation with grandma.

Mom and Garrett didn't come back to the house until just before dawn that first night and we were all asleep when they came in. Grandma left for work and grandpa left to drive to a baseball game he was going to shoot that evening. There was no privacy in our house with our enhanced senses, and I knew when I woke up that mom and Garrett were way past being just friends. He didn't stay in the guest room, and mom was smiling again when she finally came downstairs later.

I didn't pry into here private affairs. She was a grown woman and deserved to have a little happiness in her life. So yeah, she lived up to my expectations and hooked up with the first vampire she met, again. But c'mon, He was the third man she'd ever dated in her life, and the second she'd been with in over four years. I'd hardly call that promiscuous, despite her limited opportunities.

She was right about not being able to have a lasting relationship with another vampire that drank human blood. She wasn't going to change her lifestyle like that, and she knew her fling with Garrett wasn't going to last. In the end, he stayed with us for about two weeks before he decided it was time to move on. He had to hunt and he needed to move out of the area so he wouldn't cast suspicion on us when he did.

I knew he had already said his goodbyes to mom. I was a little surprised when he came to see me. Mom had left to go into the city to 'work', and grandma and grandpa were asleep. I was sitting up reading when he asked if he could come in.

I heard him in the hallway and then he knocked on my door. "Nessie, may I come in?" Garrett asked.

"Sure, Garrett, you can come in." The door opened, and he stepped into the room. He closed the door, but only stepped into the room, staying near the door.

"I am leaving, Nessie. I've already spoken to your mother, but I wanted to tell you goodbye as well."

"I'll miss you, Garrett. You're an interesting man, and you tell wonderful stories. I'm sure mom will miss you as well."

"I am comfortable with your mother. She is an amazing woman, but we have fundamental differences in our lifestyle choices. I am not willing to accept her lifestyle, and I would not think to impose my lifestyle upon her if she is not comfortable living that way. I'm sure our paths will cross again."

"I'm glad we had the opportunity to meet. I look forward to seeing you again when we cross paths, Garrett."

"Actually, I wanted to extend an invitation to you, Nessie. I know you are dissatisfied with the lifestyle choices imposed by your family. If you like, I would willingly accept you as a companion if you were of a mind to accompany me in my travels."

"Whoa, I thought you liked mom? I know you guys have been involved for the last couple of weeks. Where is this coming from?"

"I do not wish to become romantically involved with you. I am aware that you are still a child, and I have too much respect for your mother to take advantage of her hospitality in such a callous manner. I'm sure in time you will be a striking and amazing woman in your own right, but I am not seeking that kind of relationship with you. I know you wish to live as a vampire and prey upon humans as I do. You would be able to do so and live as you wish were you to accompany me."

"Mom would freak if I ran off with you. She'd hunt you down and hurt you, and drag me back home. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you, Garrett."

Garrett chuckled. "I appreciate your concern, but I have discussed this with your mother. If you should choose to leave with me, she will accept your decision, and she won't hunt us down. She knows you would be safe with me, and she sees it as the lesser of two evils should you take the notion into your head to leave and strike out on your own. She would appreciate you keeping in touch with her so she knows you're safe, but she knows this is how you wish to live. On the other hand, should you choose to stay, she will assume that you have chosen to live by her rules."

"So if you love something, set it free?"

"I believe that is the essence of the quote. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. So, Nessie, which will it, be?"

**Author's Note:**

If you liked this story, please review and let me know what you think. Even if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear from you. I read all the reviews, even if I don't answer all of them. If you have questions, I try to answer then without giving away too much of the plot.


	15. Chapter 15 Teenager

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **NPOV (Nessie) Nessie is taking a turn for a while. Bella will continue the story later. Edward and Alice may have another say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 15 Growing Up – Teenager

NPOV (Nessie)

Puberty sucks.

I suppose it was bad enough for a normal kid, but I went through pretty much the whole change of life from being a kid to an adolescent to being a young adult over the course of about a year and a half.

I seriously considered Garrett's offer. I wanted to go with him, but I knew I wasn't ready to leave mom and Grandma yet. If he had asked me two years later I would have packed my bag and followed him out of the house into the night and never looked back. But I knew I wasn't ready.

I still needed mom and grandma. Garrett was great, and he would have treated me like an adult as along as I acted like one, but I knew I was still a child, and I still had a lot of growing up to do.

I just didn't think it would all happen at once.

I needed mom and grandma to help guide me through these changes in my body. They had been through it before and could help me understand what was happening to me, even if it did happen a lot faster to me than it had happened to either of them. I'm sure Garrett would have been there for me, and would have tried to do his best, but he was a guy and he wasn't my mother. I wasn't going to lay all of this on him just so I could live the way my instincts demanded. I could put that on hold until my body was ready to let me live that way.

Mom, Grandma and I had all noticed changes in my body. The beginnings of 'breast buds', for lack of a better term, were the first obvious outward sign. I'm sure grandpa probably noticed too, but he was enough of a gentleman to not mention it where I could hear him. There were other changes as well. I had hair growing in new places than I was accustomed to. My pubic hair coarsened and became darker, but there still wasn't a lot of it.

My body began changing rapidly when I hit my first growth spurt, and I knew my vagina was enlarging and changing. It began to produce a clear discharge that scared me at first, but grandma explained it was a normal self-cleansing process. I became aware of changes that weren't outwardly noticeable, but I wasn't really ready to ask questions about them.

And then, suddenly I hit another growth spurt a couple of months before my fifth birthday. I hadn't grown this fast since I was a newborn baby. I literally shot up practically overnight and went through the gangly awkward period over the course of a week and a half. I literally went from the top of my head just coming up to mom's shoulder to suddenly being an inch taller than her as my body blossomed into womanhood.

Some girls notice physical changes around the time of their periods. I knew academically that menstrual cramps were pretty common — in fact, more than half of all women who menstruate say they have cramps during the first few days of their periods. Doctors think that cramps are caused by prostaglandin, a chemical that causes the muscles of the uterus to contract.

All I knew was I didn't like it when I got my period. I wasn't prepared for it when it happened to me the first time. Mom had never told me any stories about this. Apparently she was one of the lucky ones that hadn't gone through this and didn't have any cramps at all. My menstrual cramps were sharp and intense, and I could feel them in my back as well as my abdomen. The cramps were supposed to become less uncomfortable and possibly even disappear completely as I got older. For once in my life I was looking forward to getting older.

Many girls and women found that over-the-counter pain medications could relieve cramps, but they didn't have any affect at all for me. None of them ever had, they burned out of my system too fast to have any effect on me. I didn't know why grandma thought it might be different now. Taking a warm bath or applying a warm heating pad to the lower abdomen was supposed to help too, but it didn't help me. Exercising regularly throughout the monthly cycle seemed to be the biggest help to lessen the cramps for me. It made them manageable, but didn't make them go away.

The personal torment I had to endure was really sort of reprieve for the rest of my family. I put them through hell the week before my period would come. Some girls and women find that they feel sad or easily irritated during the few days or week before their periods. Others may get angry more quickly than normal or cry more than usual. I did all of that as I took my family on a roller coaster ride of feelings and emotional mood swings during the week before my period each month.

I knew intellectually that these types of emotional changes were the result of premenstrual syndrome. PMS is related to changes in the body's hormones. As hormone levels rise and fall during a woman's menstrual cycle, they can affect the way she feels, both emotionally and physically. Knowledge of the reason why I felt this way didn't help or change the fact that my mood could change like lightning at the drop of a hat. You seriously didn't want to get in my way or even be around me when the PMS was bad.

My mood swings ran the gamut between sadness, excitability, depression, anger, an increased interest in sexuality, and more depending on how I felt from minute to minute.

Sometimes I felt like the whole world was watching. Sometimes I felt too tall, too curvy, too...everything. Sometimes it just felt that everyone seemed to be looking at me. Mom and Grandma told it was normal to feel self-conscious about my body. I knew it was true; I had read all the textbooks and had studied the psychology involved, but sometimes if just bugged the hell out of me.

Sometimes I would just feel sad. Knowing it was normal for most girls to feel extra-sensitive at my physical age didn't change how I felt. At times I just felt sad or lonely for no good reason. It was just how I felt.

Sometimes I would just get mad! People just annoyed me when I got like that. I would argue with Mom and Grandma and Grandpa for no good reason. When I'd start to feel angry, I'd try to take time out to calm down but it didn't always help.

Sometimes I would crave certain foods. Well, not really food. I knew exactly what I was craving, but I had an understanding with mom that I wouldn't do that. It just got bad sometimes and I really wanted to cheat but I resisted the urge. Somehow I knew instinctively that cheating and indulging my cravings would help all of my symptoms, but I didn't tell Mom and Grandma that. I knew it would upset them.

In addition to feeling more intense emotions than I usually did, I noticed physical changes along with my periods — feeling bloated or puffy because of water retention, swollen and sore breasts, and sometimes I got headaches, although I'd never had a headache before in my entire life before this happened.

Thankfully, the PMS usually went away soon after my period started, but it kept coming back month after month. Exercising helped relieve some of the symptoms of PMS but it didn't make them go away. I knew what would make them go away and relieve all of my symptoms, but I didn't talk to mom and Grandma about it. I had an understanding with my family that I wouldn't do that as long as I lived with them, but I wasn't ready to take the step that would make that particular concession to my family's lifestyle unnecessary.

In the beginning, and for the first year, my periods were irregular. It took my body a while to sort out all the changes going on, and it was reflected in my menstrual cycle. Sometimes my menstrual cycle lasted 28 days, other months I might have a 24-day cycle, a 30-day cycle, or even longer. I never went more than 45 days.

After that first year, the cycles shorten to an adult length, settled at 28 days, and ran like clockwork. As I got older and my periods settled down and I got to the point where I could predict when my period would come. In the meantime, I kept track of my menstrual cycle with a calendar so my family had some idea of when to take cover and give me some space.

The only good thing about this whole situation was that I never had to deal with acne or pimples or problems with my skin or complexion. Most teenage girls had to deal acne flare-ups during certain times of their cycle due to the hormones changing their bodies. Fortunately for me, the vampire part of my nature made me immune to the pimples associated with periods and puberty and growing up.

**5 years old – 12.9 human years**

Mom decided it was time for us to move again shortly after my fifth birthday. Moving was the best decision to keep people from becoming suspicious. I had changed so much that I looked almost like a different person. It looked like I had suddenly aged almost three years over the course of two weeks, going from a precocious eleven year old on the verge of adolescence to a fairly mature fourteen year old well on my way into womanhood.

It wasn't like I was friends with our neighbors or knew a lot of people in town. I had my martial arts class, but I had changed so fast, so suddenly, that I hadn't been going since before I got my period.

We moved to a suburb of Rochester, New York. This was the most urban environment we had attempted yet, and we actually had to plan hunting trips and drive to get to wilderness areas. It wasn't like it was an hours long trip to go hunting, but it still took planning. It was a change from the more rural areas we had lived in up until now, where we could practically step out the back door and have something close by to grab for a snack. There were some limited local hunting options, but we had to be careful if we took advantage of them.

We uprooted our lives for the fifth time in five years and relocated again because of me. It really sucked that I kept doing this to my family, but they said they didn't mind. We were used to moving often though, and had it down to a science. We could pack up all of our stuff and be gone in two days time. Less if we only transported the essentials and only took what we absolutely needed. We all traveled relatively light and had our personal possessions pared down to what we really needed and the few items that held sentimental value for us.

Grandma had a lot of stuff from her house in Florida in long-term storage, and if we ever decided to settle and stay in one place for a while, she planned on having it shipped to us. We all knew that wouldn't happen until I stopped aging or died of old age. Worst case scenario, they had fifteen or twenty years until I was out of their hair for good. Mom was betting I'd stop aging in another couple of years, but I didn't let it bother me.

It was even easier for me to move this time. None of my shoes fit anymore and most of my clothes didn't fit anymore either. It just seemed downright strange to me that suddenly I could wear mom's and grandma's clothes now. A lot of mom's clothes were looser on me than they were on her, but I knew I'd fill out some more over the next year or so.

We donated all of my clothes that were too small to the good will and I picked up a couple of essentials until I had a chance to do some serious shopping once we were settled. I could raid mom's closet for the time being, although her 'work clothes' were a little racier than what I was used to wearing. Her jeans and t-shirts were ok, and she had a few nicer things I'd made her buy over the years. She had some nice business suits and office attire for the occasions when she needed to meet with one of her legitimate clients. She was also making a name for herself in the academic community as a criminologist and had taken on some cases as a consultant. She used the business attire for those meetings as well.

Grandma managed to swing a transfer to another branch store of the check cashing and payday loan company she worked for. I was happy for her because she got to hold onto her position and seniority instead of having to start over again with a new company from scratch. That wasn't an issue for the rest of us. Mom, Phil and I could do our work just about anywhere we decided to settle. Phil always had to travel anyhow, and there was crime just about anywhere there was a big city. Mom and I went to school online, so we could do that anywhere we had an internet connection.

I called Gary Powell and had him arrange for a new ID with my updated age and picture and made arrangements for a credit card in my name so I could do some shopping. Gary didn't ask inappropriate questions, but we knew he was curious and had to suspect something. We only gave him as much information as was necessary for him to do the work we requested. We never came right out and said what we were and he didn't ask. I just called him to tell him what we needed, and he got the job done. He was well paid not to ask questions and the arrangement worked for us.

Mom still wouldn't let me get a driver's license yet despite the fact that I looked a lot older now, but I did talk her into at least letting me get a driver's permit. It was allowed when you were fourteen, and I argued it would look odd if I didn't have one. I couldn't drive by myself or carry passengers besides my immediate family, but as long as my 'sister' or a 'parent' was in the car with me I could drive now.

I didn't see why mom complained so much. I was as good a driver as she was. I'd started learning to drive on the riding lawnmower when we lived in Ohio. Grandma had bought a bigger tractor to mow the grounds around the estate in Pennsylvania and she'd taught me how to drive it. Grandpa Phil let me drive his truck on the back roads outside of town before we moved, but neither of us told mom about it.

Mom really made a big deal out of it and seemed nervous the first time she let me drive with her. I couldn't believe it was because she thought I was a bad driver. I think she just had herself psyched out to believe she was supposed to be nervous because she was my mom and she was taking me driving. We just cruised around town and I'd turn when she told me to. After a couple of hours she finally relaxed and started to ease up. She tensed up again when we she finally let me get on the freeway. She kept looking at the speedometer and would tense up every time my speed would creep a fraction of a needle width over the speed limit.

God! She drove with her foot on the floor as long as there were no cops around. My reflexes were just as good as hers! It took awhile before she trusted my driving, but she relaxed eventually. She still wouldn't let me get my driver's license, though. She argued I didn't look old enough because you had to be sixteen to get a driver's license. I think she just didn't want to admit I was growing up and was trying to keep me a kid as long as she could.

I found a new martial arts studio in Greece, New York and had Gary update my certifications from the martial arts studio in Marienville so I could continue my lessons with out starting over from scratch. I figured I'd be ready to test for my black belt in Aikido this year as long as something didn't happen to make us have to move again. I could have qualified for it already, but I held back in class so I'd blend in. It would look bad if I kicked the teacher's ass and I wanted him to teach me all of his tricks and special moves.

The martial arts classes helped with the exercise regimen I set for myself, but I didn't want to hang out there all the time. I was there two days a week already and they had exercise equipment and a weight room, but I was still pretending to be a fourteen year old girl, and I couldn't really work out the way I wanted to.

There was a health club at the mall in town, and I got set up with a membership in the Rochester Athletic Club (RAC). I signed up for a cardio kick boxing class and used the training equipment before and after my class. I suppose one thing led to another, and I ended up spending a lot of time at the Mall at Greece Ridge in Greece, New York. It was winter when we moved, and a lot of kids hung out in the mall to get away from the snow outside.

It was a big urban shopping mall with five anchor department stores and over one hundred and thirty other stores and specialty shops. The athletic club and a large theatre were in the mall. There was a Bon Tom, Sears, Macy's and J.C. Penny plus a ton of smaller clothing stores, accessories stores, electronics stores, book stores, and more.

The mall had started off as two competing malls almost next door to each other, which had eventually merged and a new wing was built between then to connect them into one huge shopping structure now. Other chains had built stores nearby to take advantage of the traffic attracted by the mall, and there was a stand alone Target store that shared the parking lot along with a couple of big box hardware and home improvement chain stores.

After my big growth spurts before we moved, I wasn't changing in such a noticeable way like I had when I was smaller. Mom and grandma were pretty much convinced I had achieved my full growth as far a height was concerned. I was hoping for another couple of inches, but I was an inch taller than mom and the same height as grandma. My father had been pretty tall, and I was hoping some of his height would show through in my genetics, but mom and grandma didn't think it would happen. Mom and I looked enough alike to easily pass as sisters, although I had my father's hair color and you could see his features in the bone structure of my face.

Mom didn't really like me hanging out at the mall so much, but at least my family knew where to find me most of the time. I made the point that if I wasn't going to change so much now, it wouldn't matter if people got to know me. I didn't have to stay hidden like I did when I was a kid. I had my height, and the rest of the changes would likely parallel a human teenager shooting up and maturing. It might happen a little faster, but the humans I met wouldn't think the changes were out of the ordinary. A lot of kids grew up fast when they hit their teenage years.

The next big fight I had with mom was over finally getting a cell phone of my own. Mom had resisted allowing me to get my own phone for years. I could have just gone and bought a prepaid phone at Walmart or the dollar store. I could have called Gary and told him to set me up, but I wanted mom to be alright with it before I just went out and did it. Personally, I thought it was another case of me growing up faster than she wanted to let me. I wanted mom to accept the idea instead of going over her head and just doing it or making her think she was ok with it. I wanted her to be part of the decision.

It made sense that I should have my own phone. It would have made things a lot easier last year when I was working undercover at the daycare center. I was going to be spending a lot more time on my own now that I was getting older between my martial arts classes and going to the RAC, and it would make it easier to coordinate rides since she wouldn't let me get my driver's license and drive myself. Mom finally gave in and let me get a phone. I had Gary set up an account for me and then picked out a phone at a wireless store at the mall.

Grandma usually dropped me off at the mall in the morning on her way to work so I could go to the RAC to work out. Mom or grandpa would pick me up to go to the martial arts studio on Tuesdays and Thursdays for my class and I'd work out there until they picked me up to go home. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I'd do the cardio kick boxing class and then hang out in the mall until either grandma got off work or mom or grandpa came to pick me up if I wanted to stay later. Sometimes grandma worked on Saturday and I'd have her drop me off at the mall and then ride home with her when she got off work. We went hunting on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what was convenient for us.

It sounded like my schedule was pretty busy, but I only slept about two hours a night now. I still had plenty of hours left over to devote to the family business and to keep up with my school work. I had a lot of time to browse through the shops at the mall to my hearts content and the shop keepers didn't mind because I usually ended up buying something.

I slowly replaced my wardrobe and ended up buying a lot of really cute clothes and shoes. I wasn't a girly girl all the time, but my tastes didn't run quite as casual as moms. I was comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt at home, but I liked to dress up a little when I was out. I liked skirts and dresses and leggings and Capri's and nice tops. Mom had been a dyed in the wool diehard Walmart shopper before her change, and it was still her old standby fallback store of choice, but I preferred a little more upscale shopping opportunity.

I'd seen a lot of the local kids hanging out in the mall and some of them were there during the day when we first moved here. After a week or two, they stopped coming during the day, but started showing up in the afternoon. I realized they must have started back to school after some of the shop keepers asked me why I wasn't in school too. They had been on winter break before but couldn't come during the day when they were in school. I explained that I was homeschooled and I was on a different schedule, I studied in the evenings with my mom when she got home from work.

I was having a snack in the food court, the first time some them decided to talk to me. I had gotten a double non-dairy café mocha with an extra shot of espresso from the Starbucks and an order of the General Tso's Chicken from the Chinese buffet. I didn't really like the breading on the chicken, and it was supposed to be spicy, but it was ok if I added enough hot pepper oil to it. Really spicy hot food was ok for a snack now and then.

I could see the girls sitting together at another table, and they kept looking over at me. I could hear them talking about me, but it wasn't anything bad. They were just curious who I was. At first they had thought I was just hanging out in the mall while my family visited over the holidays, but then I was still here after school started back up. I didn't go to their school, but I was always at the mall. I dressed nice and had money so they knew I wasn't homeless. They'd seen mom and grandma pick me up and assumed they were my sister and my mom. Finally they talked one of their group into coming over to talk to me.

The girl seemed nervous for being one of the bolder members of their group, but she walked over to my table. Mom always wanted me to lie and tell humans what they expected to hear. I wondered what would happen if I tried to tell more of the truth. Obviously I wouldn't reveal any of our secrets but I wondered if they'd accept me for who I was.

"Hi… I'm Ashley," she said. "Do you live around here?"

"Hi Ashley, I'm Nessie. Yeah, my family moved here last month, right after New Years."

"Oh… Nessie? That's different…"

"Well, my names really Vanessa, but I've always hated that name, so my family calls me Nessie."

"Ok. Vanessa is cool, but I'll call you Nessie if that's what you like. So, if you moved here, why don't you go to school? We all started high school this year, and you look about the same age as us…"

"I'm fourteen. You can sit down if you want to, Ashley."

"Ok…" She slid into a seat at the table and glanced back at her other friends and then looked back at me.

"My mom doesn't think public school is challenging enough for me, but I wouldn't let then send me away to the boarding school they wanted to send me to, so I guess I'm homeschooled. Actually I go to school online on the internet."

"She thinks school is too easy? So what grade are you in?"

"Well, I guess the work I'm doing now would fall into the eleventh grade curriculum, but I'm going to have enough credits to graduate from high school this year so I can start college classes next year. I just wanted to test out of high school and skip it, but my mom wouldn't let me."

"Whoa, you must be really smart."

I shrugged "I read a lot. School is just easy for me. So you're all freshmen this year?"

"Yeah…"

It was time to change the subject and get the conversation pointed in another direction.

"That's really cute outfit you're wearing. Did you buy that at the mall here?"

"Thank you. Yeah… We like to shop here. They have a lot of cool clothes, but I don't get to buy as much as I'd like to. You seem to be doing a lot of shopping…"

"Our house burned down. That's why we had to move. I lost everything, but that's ok because now I can start over and replace it all."

"Oh wow! That had to suck! Was your family all ok?"

"Yeah. The fire started in the garage and we had time to get some pictures and stuff out, but we lived really far out in the country, and it was really going up fast by the time the fire department got there. I just had time to grab some stuff off my shelves and my laptop and then we had to get out."

Ok, maybe not so much truth, but I got the excuse for my name in, the fact that I was going to graduate this year, that we had moved and I had an excuse to shop a lot.

"So that's why you're always shopping so much."

"Yeah, you and your friends look like you like to shop too. Which stores do you like to go to?"

She rattled off the names of some of the shops in the mall. I'd been to most of them too. Then she said, "Hey, do you want to come over and sit with us, Nessie. I can introduce you to the rest of my friends."

"Sure, Ashley, that sounds great." I got up and dumped the rest of the chicken. It was way too hot for humans and it would have made them sick if they tried it. I grabbed my coffee and bags from Bon Tom and followed her over to the other table.

Ashley sat back down, and moved over so there was room for me next to her on the bench seat at the larger table her friends were sitting at. I set my bags down and sat next to her.

"Hey everybody, this is Nessie. She moved here after New Years. Her mom wanted to send her away to go to some boarding school, but she didn't want to go, so she goes to school online on the internet. Hey, Brittany, you're in the gifted and talented program too, right?"

"Yeah, if you can call it that. It's boring. The work is still way too easy." A girl with long black hair said. I assumed she was Brittany.

"That's what I thought, too." Ashley said. "We should try this school Nessie goes to. She says she's working on eleventh grade work, and she's going to have enough credits to graduate this year."

"Really?" Brittany asked. "How did you manage that?"

"I wanted to test out of high school and skip it, but my mom wouldn't let me, so we made a deal with the online school. I'm not locked into set school years, and they let me turn in assignments as soon as I finish them. I get credit for a class as soon as I've finished enough course work and done the tests to pass the class. I started last year and finished ninth and tenth grade in one year. My goal is to finish high school by the end of this year."

"That would be so cool if I didn't have to sit through class bored, and could just turn in the assignments. What do you do if you have questions or need help?"

"I get my text books in the mail and they assign reading and assignment in the syllabus for each class. There's a real teacher for every class, and they do live chat sessions for the lectures, but they record them so you can listen to them whenever you want to. You can email questions, schedule a live chat with the teacher or there's an 800 number if you need help with something."

"So you can just go to school whenever you want to?" another girl asked. "What if you blow it off and don't do the work?"

"Then my mom would be on my case, but I'm pretty focused on wanting to get done with it. You work at your own pace, but there are time limits and due dates to get things turned in. If you take too long or skip assignments you fail. You only get credit for finishing work and I want to get it over with."

"That is so cool," Brittany said. "I bet something like that is really expensive."

I shrugged, "It's cheaper than most private schools, but you have to buy the books and pay lab fees for materials. I get my books from Amazon online, and then we can sell them back as used books when I finish the class."

We talked about school some more and then moved on to other topics. I'd already met Ashley and Brittany. Natalie was in the gifted program at the high school too. The last girl at the table was Courtney, but she seemed really shy and didn't say much.

We left the food court and I went with them to go check out some more shops. They were apprehensive about going into some of the shops. The sales girls didn't like them coming in to just browse and try on outfits if they weren't going to buy anything. I told them to come in and they could help me pick out some clothes. We tried on a lot of outfits. I let them find me things to try on and I picked out things for them too. We had fun and I bought some of the things they picked out for me. That seemed to appease the sales girls that worked on commission, and we had fun shopping.

We were walking through the mall chatting as we decided which shop to look in next.

"Hey, Nessie, you were always here really early when we saw you here during winter break," Natalie said. "Why do you come so early everyday?"

"My mom drops me off on her way to work. I go to the health club to work out and I take a cardio kick boxing class three days a week."

"Whoa, that's pretty intense. I don't even like going to gym class. Why do you work out like that?"

I knew I was blushing, but I went on and told them. "Umm… I get bad cramps every month…, you know… Exercise is the only thing that helps. Midol, ibuprofen, no dice, doesn't even help if I get a headache. Exercising regularly takes the edge off enough so I can get through those three or four days without curling up into a ball gritting my teeth."

"Really, exercise helps with that?" Courtney asked. I think that was the first time she'd spoken to me. "I get like that too. I thought it was just me…"

"Yeah, it helps. It doesn't make it go away, but it makes it bearable."

"So you work out everyday?" Courtney asked.

"Pretty much, I go to the gym here everyday, and then I take a martial arts class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Sometimes I go hiking with my family on the weekends."

"Wow... that seems like an awful lot…" Courtney said.

"Well, I was already taking martial arts before I started exercising for the other reason. I think the main thing is to do something regular that stretches and tones your muscles. I guess the regular exercise helps flush the extra hormones out of your system and keeps you toned so the cramps aren't as bad. You should talk to your mom about it."

"My mom doesn't live with us… I live with my dad, and I just couldn't talk to him about it…"

"Don't you have anyone to answer your questions?"

"No… I talked to the health nurse at school… She gave me a book and explained what I needed to do…"

"If you need somebody to talk to, Courtney, you can ask me anything. My mom and sister will help you too."

"Thanks, Nessie. I've been so embarrassed. I didn't know what was happening a lot of the time…"

I traded cell phone numbers with Courtney, and then the rest of the girls got into the act and I got all of their numbers and gave them mine.

I realized what time it was as we were trading numbers and it was almost time for me to meet grandma. I told the girls I had to meet my mom and they walked with me to the exit to wait. I met grandma at the exit by the RAC where she dropped me off in the morning. I got Courtney a brochure for the health club while we waited.

Grandma pulled up right on time, and I told the girls goodbye and carried my shopping bags out to the car to go home.

I spent a lot of time that year hanging out with the girls at the mall and we all became good friends.

I ended up inviting Courtney over for a sleep over and she sat down and had a long talk with grandma. It wasn't like she had to give her the talk or anything, but she answered her questions and helped her to understand her body better and what was happening to her as she grew up and became a young woman.

I went to sleepovers at the other girls houses too. It was a lot more fun than my night with Melanie a couple of years ago. We were all discovering boys and talked about the guys that hung out at the mall too.

Winter ended and spring came and went. I was ready to finish high school by May when the school year was drawing to an end.

I was sitting in the food court at the mall with Brittany and Natalie one Saturday evening as I sipped my coffee. We were shopping for summer clothes now that school was finishing up. We'd been shopping in the mall all afternoon and they needed to take a break. Checking out the guys that came to the mall seemed like a fun way to pass the time while we had a drink and a snack.

There was a group of boys sitting at another table that were regulars in the mall too. They went to school with Brittany and Natalie and they were wondering if they were going to come and talk to us. They knew who I was, even though I didn't go to their school. My story had made the rounds, and the kids at school knew about me now.

"Do you think they'll invite us to Scott's party?" Natalie asked.

"They're sophomores. They aren't going to talk to us." Brittany said.

"Who's Scott?" I asked. "Which one is he?"

"He's not here." Brittany said. "His birthday is next week. His parents said he can have a birthday party at his house next Friday night. They have a big house by the country club. They've got a huge pool with a pool house and a huge family room next to the pool. His brother is a junior and his friends are coming too. There's going to be dancing and everything."

"Oh… that's cool." That was one of the things that sucked about not going to school. I missed out on the dances and social events that were held throughout the year unless somebody invited me to go. I didn't hold out much hope that I'd get invited to any of the parties this summer. I didn't go to school and I think I intimidated a lot of the guys. They were afraid to ask me out because I was too pretty. I wasn't stuck up about it or anything. It was just the way I looked. I'd say yes if they asked me but it was just the way that kind of thing worked out.

"Ok, be cool, here they come!" Natalie whispered to us excitedly.

"Calm down, Natalie!" Brittany said, but she couldn't seem to wipe the grin off of her face, and she giggled self-consciously when they stopped next to our table.

"Hey, Brittany, Natalie… So is this your friend Nessie we've heard about?" The boy in the middle asked.

"Yeah, Chris, this is Nessie Brandon. She lives here in Greece, but she doesn't go to our school. She goes to school online," Natalie said. "Nessie, this is Chris, Peter and Corey." Natalie said, pointing to each in turn as she spoke their name. "They all go to school with us too."

"It's nice to meet you all," I said. They were all cute, but I couldn't stop staring at Corey. He looked like Brad the Lifeguard's younger cuter twin with his sandy brown hair and hazel eyes with flecks of green in them. I finally understood what mom had seen in Brad that summer day by the pool.

"Do you mind if we join you?" Chris asked.

I looked at Brittany and Natalie, but they both looked like they were standing in the middle of the road staring at the oncoming headlights. I guess it was up to me.

"Sure, sit down." I said.

Chris took the empty seat next to Brittany, and Peter slid onto the bench next to Natalie. Corey grabbed an extra chair from the next table and sat next to me. I couldn't have wiped the grin off my face for anything now.

Apparently that was as far as their plan had taken them. We were all just sitting there silently grinning. Jeez, did I have to do all of this for them?

"So what are you guys up to tonight?" I asked.

"Just hanging out…" Corey said. "What are you girls doing this afternoon?"

"We were shopping, but then we decided to come over here to the food court to check out cute guys." I swear Brittany and Natalie stared at me in horror like I had suddenly grown two heads. What was wrong with talking to a guy?

"Really? Corey asked with a grin. "Did you find any?"

"They found us." I replied

Corey laughed while Brittany and Natalie turned bright red, but it broke the tension and we all chatted for a while. We talked about hanging out in the mall and their school, and I learned a little about them. Finally they got to the heart of the matter after beating around the bush for almost an hour.

"So, are you girls going to Scott's party?" Chris asked.

"Well, I don't know Scott, and nobody's asked me to go." I said. "I wouldn't feel right just showing up if I wasn't invited."

"Would you like to go with me, Nessie?" Corey asked.

"Sure, I'd like to go with you Corey. It sounds like fun."

"Where exactly are the two of you going?" I heard from behind me. I knew I was bright red as I turned to look over my shoulder.

God! How long had mom been standing behind me? I hadn't even heard her come up behind us.

"Oh… Hi Bella... Corey, this is my sister, Bella."

"Nice to meet you, Corey," Mom said with a grin. Well at least it was the happy grin, and not the 'I'm gonna eat you grin.' "So where are you two going?" Mom asked again.

"Corey invited me to go to Scott's birthday party next week. His family lives out by the country club. You don't think mom will mind, do you, Bella?" I asked.

"No, that's cool. Mom will let you go. You're a big girl now. You can look out for yourself."

"Thanks Bella."

"So are you about ready to go?" mom asked.

"Yeah, just a minute," I said. I grabbed a napkin and wrote my cell phone number down on it, and handed it to Corey. "Give me a call, and we can work out the details. I'll be back here Monday after school, too."

I got up and walked away with mom. They waited until they thought I was out of earshot, and then Chris held up his hand to high five Corey. "Dude, Corey is the man! Scored digits and you got a date for Friday night!"

"So what's that make you, the loser sidekick, or are you gonna get up the nerve to ask me to go too?" Brittany complained as she punched Chris in the shoulder.

"Hey, that hurt!"

"It was supposed to hurt!"

"Will you go with me to Scott's party, Brittany?" Chris asked.

"It's about time. Yes, I'll go with you."

Peter finally asked Natalie as we were walking out the mall door.

"He's cute, Nessie," mom said as we walked to the car. "You'll be safe, right?"

"Mom! I haven't even held his hand! This was the first time I even talked to him! Aren't you jumping the gun a little?"

"Shhh… Bella, ok?" Mom shushed me as she looked back and forth to see if anyone had noticed. "Fine, but that's not what I meant. You aren't gonna bite him right?"

"Ohhh…! We've got an agreement, Bella! You know I won't hunt humans while I live with you. Besides, I don't eat innocents, and I don't think Corey is exactly the axe murderer type."

"Fine, but that's not what I meant either. I said bite him, not eat him… Of course that might be fun too…"

"Mmm…Bella! I don't even know him! Why don't you let me get through the first date, and maybe the first kiss before we start blowing things all out of proportion? Ok?"

"Ok, ok, I'll leave you alone, but you have been known to act impulsively in the past and take matters into your own hands. I don't want you to decide you're in love and do something irreversible on the spur of the moment without looking at every angle and all the facts. Make sure you know what he wants before you make any decisions for him, alright?"

I looked around, and I knew we were alone. Mom wouldn't have said all that if there was anyone around to hear us.

"Mom, I'm not going to bite him. Grandma and grandpa were different. Grandma was pure instinct. I had to do it. There wasn't any choice involved. With Grandpa, I knew they were in love and belonged together. They were in a committed relationship and had been married for years. He'd just given up his career and his entire life to spend five months searching for her. I knew he wasn't going to object to being changed if that was what he had to do be with her. It was different for you and my Father. I don't feel bloodlust like either of you do. I don't have to change a guy to be with him, and I don't even know if I'm immortal yet. So don't worry about it, ok?"

We got into the car and started driving home before she answered.

"Ok, Nessie. I trust you."

"Thanks, mom."

"Now about that other thing… After you hold his hand and get past the first kiss and the second kiss and the second date, do you know how to be safe?"

"Mom! I don't want to talk to you about that!"

"Hey, you were the one who made it abundantly clear that it's my job and duty to teach you about boys and relationships and fill in the blanks so you know what to do when the time comes. I'm sure you'll figure out most of that on your own, but it's not like I can just take you to the doctor and get you a prescription and know you're going to be safe. You have a period now. That means you ovulate, and that means you can probably get pregnant. How much do you know about birth control and safe sex?"

"Ok, fine… Umm… I've read about it, and I know how it's all supposed to work… Shouldn't you be preaching the joys of abstinence, or telling me I'm supposed to wait until I'm married or something?"

"I'm too pragmatic and realistic to bury my head in the sand and pretend it isn't going to happen, Nessie. It's up to you to decide when you're ready. I know you're a strong enough person to not let some guy pressure you into something you're not ready for, but when you decide you're ready it'll happen. I wasn't much older than you are physically when I was with your father, and we both know grandma didn't wait. I don't expect that you will either, and I'd prefer that you know how to be safe when you need too rather than get in trouble because you weren't ready when you're fooling around. I'm not telling you that you should, but I want you to be ready when you decide you are ready.

"So… If you knew what happened to grandma… you were a smart girl even when you were human, mom… How did I happen? You weren't being safe? What about other vampires that have human lovers? Shouldn't there be more hybrids around than just me?"

"No, I wasn't safe. I honestly didn't think I needed to take any precautions. Your father was a vampire, and we all thought it was impossible for a vampire to have children. It's true that female vampires can't bear children, and all the other vampires I've ever heard about that had human lovers were female vampires that were with human men. I've never heard of any other male vampires that were with human women besides your father. I suppose it happens. He'd heard stories before, but usually it ends differently."

"Differently?"

"They don't live long enough to find out if they're pregnant."

"Oh… Ok. Well, I'm not saying I'm ready… Not by a long shot. I've only just even started thinking about boys that way, but maybe we should look into some of these different forms of birth control… I think I'd prefer to be safe when the time comes."

Mom nodded and let the topic drop for the rest of the ride home. She asked me about school and my martial arts class. We talked shop for a while and discussed some cases she was working on and what kind of background info she'd need me to look up for her.

Corey called me that night, and we talked on the phone for like three hours. We never did get around to talking about Scott's party. We were too busy finding out about each other and what we liked and who the other person was that we were talking to. Corey was pretty cool for a fifteen year old. He did good in school. He wrestled in the winter and ran track in the spring. He was going to play baseball this summer. He thought I was cool because I studied martial arts and didn't have to go to school like the rest of the kids our age.

I was waiting for him when he showed up at the mall on Monday. He reached for my hand and I let him hold it as we talked some more and hung out with our friends.

Most of the week went like that. I went back to the mall on Tuesday night to hang out after my martial arts class, but mom drove me home on Thursday night. I didn't realize anything out of the ordinary was happening until mom and grandma ambushed me.

I had finished up with my school work for the day, and was just hanging out in my room listening to some music. Actually I was waiting for Corey to call, but I didn't think I was being too obvious. There was a knock on the door, and then mom and grandma walked in before I could answer.

"Hey, mom, grandma… What's up? Can I help you with something?" I asked.

"No, we wanted to help you with something, dear." Grandma said.

"We know you have questions, Nessie, and we wanted to make sure you were prepared for when the time comes. We talked about looking into different methods…" Mom said.

Then I finally saw the bag she was holding as she let it slip into view from behind her. She sat down on the bed and dumped it out on the middle of the bed cover. I did a double take and had to read the label on the boxes to be sure.

Condoms?

Seriously? My mom just dumped a big bag full of condom boxes in the middle of my bed?

Then grandma sat down on the bed and laid a bunch of bananas on the bed cover next to the condoms.

"We thought a little practical experience and experimenting might help you out, so you're ready when you need to know what to do." Grandma said.

Oh. My. God! I knew I just had to be the brightest shade of red as I sat there blushing and speechless.

"Nessie? Are you ok?" Mom asked.

"…Yeah… I guess I'm just a little shocked is all."

"It's ok, dear," Grandma said. "It's ok to be a little nervous, but this isn't something you should be embarrassed about. It's something you need to become comfortable with so you don't freeze up and make mistakes, ok?"

I nodded and she continued. I didn't feel real comfortable right now, but the blush was fading.

"It's better to be safe than sorry. If it embarrasses you, you might decide not to use a condom because it's easier to just go for it and hope you get lucky. To be safe, you need to use one every time. Even the first time. You need to use a new one each time if it happens more than once, ok?"

"Yeah, I knew that. I told mom I'd read about this…"

"Well, a little practical experience will answer more questions than reading about it will. Here, let's try this out." Grandma reached for the bananas and handed me one.

It was a very interesting night. There were many very happy bananas that night. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a banana the same way ever again after that experience.

There were a lot more condoms in the pile than we'd ever need to experiment with and I asked about that.

Mom told me to keep them. She didn't want me to be in a situation where I needed one and the guy hadn't thought ahead to be prepared. She knew what could happen in the heat of the moment. There was too much chance we'd decide to just risk it and just go for it. She'd rather I have one myself to be safe and not take a chance instead of leaving it up to some guy to be responsible. It was my body, and I was the one who would have to pay the consequences.

Mom and grandma were still in my room when Corey called. I blushed bright red again when I answered the phone, and then I kicked them out so I could talk to him. He didn't need to know about the happy bananas or the experimenting we'd done that night. I had no intention of telling him about the condoms. I didn't want to give him ideas.

I asked Grandpa Phil to drive us to Scott's party on Friday night. One of Corey's parents could have driven us, but I told him my parents felt more comfortable if they drove me. I didn't tell him I didn't have a curfew and they'd pick me up whenever I called them.

Corey and the other kids thought Grandpa Phil was my step dad. They knew he wasn't either mine or Bella's dad, but I didn't give a lot of details. Grandpa Phil could act fatherly, but still be friendly because he knew he didn't have to try and scare the guys I was going to go out with. He knew they'd respect me, or I'd eat them for lunch. Well, maybe I wouldn't eat them, but I could easily kick their ass if they got out of line.

Grandpa Phil drove to Corey's house, and he came out to the truck when we pulled up in front of his house. I opened the door and he slid in beside me on the bench seat in the front of the truck. We could have sat in the back seat together, but this was ok too. It was only a couple of blocks to Scott's house.

It was still late afternoon when Grandpa Phil dropped us off at the party. It wasn't exactly overcast out. There were a lot of big fluffy white clouds out that would block the sun and then blow out of the way to let the sun stream down. It was hot and I'd brought my swimsuit so I could go in the pool if I wanted too. There would be food at the party, and it was scheduled to go until well after dark.

The windows in the truck were heavily tinted, and Grandpa Phil knew to park so the sun wouldn't shine in when we opened the door to get out. My skin still mostly glowed in the sunlight instead of sparkling, but I'd noticed the odd sparkly glint as I got older. I figured someday, many years from now, my skin would probably sparkle like mom's and grandma and grandpa's, but for now, I could be out in the sun.

Corey got out of the truck and I grabbed my pool bag and my purse and waved good bye to Grandpa Phil. Corey held my hand and we walked up to the house. There was music playing in the backyard and we went in to the party. A Hispanic lady in a maid uniform answered the door and let us in. The house was huge and very nicely decorated. We walked through an entry way between the formal dining room and a huge living room out to the backyard. There was a big family room, almost like a ballroom with hardwood floors. The furniture had been rearranged to clear a large space for a dance floor and there was a DJ setup playing music.

Gifts weren't necessarily expected, and I didn't even know Scott, but I wanted to be polite. I'd gotten him a card, and I'd picked up a gift card for the mall for a hundred dollars and put it in with the card. I didn't know what Scott liked, but there was a little bit of everything at the mall so he could get whatever he wanted. I dropped the envelope on a table set aside for gifts, and then Corey and I walked out into the back yard.

Ashley and Natalie came running up and grabbed me and dragged me away when we got into the yard. I gave Corey an apologetic look, but he just smiled at me and laughed and went over to say hi to some of his buddies.

Brittany and Courtney were already in the pool, and Ashley and Natalie dragged me back to the pool house so I could change into my swimsuit. They both needed to change too and we went into one of the bedrooms in the pool house. There was a bathroom attached to the bedroom, but Ashley just locked the door behind us so nobody would walk in on us. I'd slept over at both of their houses a lot this last year, and I wasn't embarrassed about my body. I quickly changed into my pale green bikini and folded my clothes and put them and my purse in the pool bag. I slipped into my flip flops and I was good to go.

I waited until Ashley and Natalie were ready and then we went out to the pool. I understood why mom hadn't wanted to go swimming with me that first day when I dragged her to the city pool when we lived in Iowa now. The swim suit wasn't too provocative, but I knew it didn't matter. I could feel every eye at the party staring at me when we walked out of the pool house. I could sense the desire from every guy there, and the envy from a lot of the girls. I'm sure some of them were less than confident about their looks and took a hit to their self esteem. Some of them stared at me with desire too.

There wasn't anything I could do about it. It was just how I looked and I didn't let it affect how I treated people. I wouldn't say I didn't enjoy it, either. I wasn't mom, and I didn't shrink away and act self-consciously just because people were staring at me. It was natural, and they were going to look. I just accepted it and got on with my life.

"C'mon, Nessie," Natalie said. "Let's get in the pool."

She was a little more self-conscious about the stares she was getting. She was kind of shy and liked hanging out in a group so she could blend in. I don't know why. She was pretty, but she lacked self-confidence.

"You two go ahead. I'll catch up in a minute. I want to talk to Corey."

Ashley smirked and nodded her head, and Natalie gave me a look like I was crazy and she'd never do that in a million years. Corey was standing with a group of boys from his school. I recognized his friends from the mall and there were a couple of older boys with them.

I walked over to them, and Corey had his back mostly turned to me. He didn't see me come up beside him. I put my hand on his arm and slid it down to reach for his hand as he turned to look at me. He had a huge smile and his face was slightly pink. I could hear his heartbeat pick up when he saw me.

"Hey, Corey," I said. "I'm going in the pool with Ashley and Natalie. Are you going to change and come swim with us?"

"Sure, Nes, I'll be in as soon as I change…"

"Ok, I'll be waiting for you…" I placed my hand on his chest and leaned up on my tip toes and kissed his cheek. He was more than pink now, and I could feel the bulge in his pants brush against my thigh as I leaned against him.

I had a feeling it was going to be more than a couple of minutes before he joined us in the pool. I walked away and waved at him as I went over to where the girls were hanging out by the waterslide.

I could hear Corey's friends talking as I walked away. They were slapping him on the back and a couple of them gave him high fives.

"Dude, your girlfriend is totally hot," one of the older boys said.

Some of them made some crude comments about what he should do about that. It made me feel good when he shut that down and told them not to talk that way about me. It made me like Corey more because I knew he respected me.

I liked the fact that his friend described me as Corey's girlfriend, and he hadn't corrected him about that. We hadn't talked about that yet, but I liked the way it sounded. I liked Corey, and I liked then thinking of me as his girlfriend.

I went down the waterslide to get in the pool, and we had a lot of fun that afternoon. Corey finally changed into his swim trunks and got in with us. We had water fights and splashed and swam. I sat on his shoulders when we played chicken in the pool and dunked the other teams. I let another team win and Corey caught me when I tumbled off his shoulders and held me and pulled me against his chest. It felt nice to feel his strong arms around me, and then we broke apart and played in the pool some more.

We hung out around the pool for the rest of the afternoon, but then I went back to the pool house with Courtney and Natalie to change back out of my swim suit after the sun started to sink in the west. I showered off the chlorine in the bathroom next to the room we were changing in, and then dried my hair and fixed my makeup while the other girls took turns. I put my skirt, heels and thin summer top back on and we went back out to the party after we were dressed.

There was a lull in the party as they took time out to give everyone time to change out of their swimsuits. I found Corey on the deck by the pool. He'd gone into the main house with some of the guys to change. He put his arm around my waist and held me close by his side, and I liked it. Corey made me feel nice when he held me, and I leaned into him as we stood in the twilight and watched the sunset over the golf course at the country club that ran across the back of the property.

The party pretty much moved inside after it got dark out, but the lights were still on around the pool and couples mingled and went off into the yard to steal a couple of minutes of alone time. There were tables set up with a selection of hot and cold hors d'oeuvres, and then they served cake after we sang happy birthday to Scott. I forced myself to eat a tiny piece just to be polite, but I thought I was going to gag on the cloying greasy treat.

They turned the lights down after we had cake, and the DJ started playing dance music. Corey was holding my hand, and he led me out on the dance floor. He didn't need to ask, and I wouldn't have told him no.

I'd been dancing since I could walk, and it was fun to dance with Corey. We danced a lot of fast dances where we moved to the music and didn't touch as much. I wanted to touch him and he wasn't shy either. We brushed together and he'd hold my hands. I leaned into him and pushed my back against him as I felt his body grind against mine. It was fun and hot and we flirted.

The DJ played a lot of slow songs too. He'd alternate sets and play a set of faster music, and then play a set of slow songs. I really liked the slow songs. Those were a new experience for me. Corey held me close with his arms around my waist and traced patterns on the small of my back with his finger tips. I held his strong shoulders and lay my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as we swayed to the music. Sometimes I'd loosely wrap my arms around his neck and play with the short hairs at the nape of his neck as we stared into each others eyes.

Corey was still holding me as the set ended. He had his arms around me and was staring into my eyes. "Do you want to go outside and get some fresh air?" Corey asked as he stepped back and let his hands trail across my hips. He captured my hand as we stepped apart and he looked at me expectantly.

"Sure, c'mon, that sounds good. Let's go for a walk." I let him lead me to the door and we walked out onto the deck around the pool.

We strolled around the yard as we moved away from the lights by the house and the pool. We chatted as we walked along the path around the perimeter of the grounds. It led behind the pool house and through the gardens overlooking the golf course and the country club.

"So when you were talking to your friends before…, they said I was your girlfriend… We haven't talked about that."

"Did they upset you? They're a bunch of jerks. I won't let them bother you."

"It didn't bother me. I kind of liked it. I like you, Corey. I like hanging out with you and talking to you. I have fun when we're together."

"So you want to be my girlfriend, Nessie? I really like you too."

"Yes, I'd like that, Corey."

We'd stopped walking, and Corey turned me so he could look at me as we talked. The moon was up now, and it cast enough light for his weak human eyes to see me smiling at him. He snaked his arms around my hips and pulled me up against his body. I didn't complain and placed my arms around his neck as I pressed up against him.

"I want you to be my girlfriend, Nessie…," and then he was leaning down into me…

I tilted my head a little to the side as his lips found mine. They were warm and moist and slightly parted. His breath was so sweet and slightly spicy, and then his lips were pressed to mine as they gently moved in small circles.

I worked my fingers through his hair as I gently returned the pressure and kissed him back. I closed my eyes and I seemed to float I felt so light. It was wonderful and intense and I felt a delicious tingling in my stomach that seemed to reach lower and make me feel good.

Corey's hand moved up my back between my shoulder blades as he supported me and held me close and I kissed him again. It was amazing and passionate without crossing the line and going further than what either of us was ready for.

After a couple of minutes he stepped back and held my hands, looking into my eyes. "That was so incredible, Nes, I like you so much…"

"I really like you too, Corey. That was great." I let go of his one hand, and pulled him beside me as we started walking again. "Maybe we should go back inside. We can dance some more, ok?"

"Ok. I'd like that. C'mon, let's go dance." Corey said.

We went back the way we'd come, and walked back up to the house. We could hear the music playing, and I was looking forward to dancing. I was having so much fun with Corey. I really did like him, and liked spending time with him.

We'd just stepped inside the sliding glass door form the deck by the pool when Ashley and Natalie came running up to us. They seemed upset and worried about something.

"Nessie, we were looking for you!" Ashley said worriedly. "Did you see Courtney outside anywhere? We can't find her anywhere inside, and nobodies seen her!"

That didn't seem like Courtney at all. She was shy and always hung out with one or more of the girls.

"No, I didn't see her… I went for a walk with Corey. Who was she with the last time you saw her?"

"She was dancing with Scott's older brother, Damien. We thought that was funny, because she's only a freshman, and he's a junior. He was telling her how pretty she was, and we were wondering why he was coming on to her. He has a girlfriend, but she's not here. She had to go away with her family this weekend." Natalie said.

"Debbie said they went to go talk to some of his friends. They don't go to our school and she didn't know who they were. One minute they were talking, and then they were gone. Denise said she thought she saw all of them go outside together." Ashley said worriedly.

"I don't like the sound of this. C'mon, let's go find her." Then I turned to Corey, "Corey, I need to go with Ashley and Natalie to find Courtney, ok? I'll be back in a little bit…"

"C'mon, I'll go with you. Let's look outside."

"Ok, thanks." I kissed him on the cheek, and then we turned and hurried back outside.

"I know they're not by the pool house. We were walking over there, and we didn't see then."

I hadn't picked up her scent over there either, but I didn't tell them that. We went the other way around the back of the house. Once we were away from the party and the crisscrossing human scent trails it was easy for me to pick out Courtney's scent. She'd spent the night at my house enough times, and I hung out with her at the mall. I knew her scent well and was able to track it easily.

I didn't like what I smelled. Courtney's scent was distorted by alcohol and a chemical stink that I knew was drugs. There were at least four male scents too, overlaying and melding with hers. The trail led to the back door into the kitchen.

The upstairs and service areas of the house were off limits during the party. The broad curved stairway in the center of the house had a velvet rope stretched across it, and everyone had been told to stay out of the kitchens and the other rooms at the back of the house.

Everyone was looking around in different directions looking for her. I didn't think anyone had looked around the corner at the back door yet. I stopped in front of the door, and I knew they had gone in here. I turned to the Corey and the girls, "They went in here. I saw the door close. I know they're in here and Courtney's in trouble. We need to help her."

They all nodded but seemed a little apprehensive about breaking the rules. I reached for the knob and pushed the door open. They followed me inside and I walked into the kitchen.

There was a smaller dining area with a table and chairs next to the kitchen, and another stairway that lead to the upstairs. I followed my nose, and the trail led to the stairway. I didn't hesitate and went up the stairs. I could hear the sounds of music and the party, but they were slightly muffled at the other end of the house.

A long hallway ran the length of the back half of the house and I could see the opening at the far end where the landing for other stairway was. I followed my nose to a closed door. I could hear voices inside, but I doubted the others could. It was a heavy wooden door and effectively muffled the sound to human ears.

"_You fucking little pansy… go ahead and at least touch it…_" a voice I didn't recognize said.

"_This is wrong Damien. We should get her out of here. I don't want it like this! We're going to get in trouble…_"

"_God! Your little brother is such a fucking gaywad worrywart, man. Nobody's gonna catch us. She won't even remember this. Now, are you gonna fuck her or what?_" voice number three said.

"_We fucking did this for you, Scott. It's your sixteenth birthday, and this is your birthday present. So you gonna loose your cherry or are you gonna be fucking gay about this?_" That was Damien again.

"_Fine, well I'm gonna get me a piece of this then…_" A fouth voice said.

Scott must have told them no without speaking. I had heard enough. I tried the knob but it was locked. I pounded loudly on the door.

"_Who the fuck is that?_" Damien asked.

"_It's probably Steve and Jack. Assholes, I told them to wait until we came back downstairs. Impatient fuckers, they probably want their turn. Let'em wait until we're done here. This is one sweet little piece of ass._"

I pounded louder again. "Courtney? Are you in there?" I yelled.

"_Shit, that's a chick, and she's yellin'. She'll have half the party up here if we don't shut her up!_" One of the guys I didn't know said.

"_Well let her in then. She can join the party._" The overconfident one said.

I could have kicked the door down, but I didn't want people to see what I could really do.

The lock clicked open, and suddenly the door opened fast. Some guy tried to grab me and pull me into the room, but I dodged his hand, and punched him in the nose. I felt the bone crumble under my fist, and he collapsed and hit the floor with blood streaming down his face.

Ashley and Natalie were huddled together in shock against the far wall, and I knew they'd be useless. Corey was backing me up, but he looked pale and scared. I didn't blame him there were four guys in there, and at least three of them were bigger and older than him.

"Cover this asshole, ok, and watch my back," I said to him, and then I stepped into the room.

Courtney was lying on the bed passed out mostly unconscious as her head lolled to the side drunkenly with her eyes half open and glassy. Her top and bra were pushed up on her chest exposing her breasts, and her skirt was hiked up around her waist. There was some guy that looked seventeen or eighteen kneeling on the bed next to her knees with no pants on and naked from the waist down. His hand was on her panties, yanking them down to her knees while he stroked his erect cock with his other hand.

I punched him in the eye when he turned to look at me, but I pulled the punch so I wouldn't hurt him too much. I guess I held back too much. It made him angry, and he jumped off the bed to try and tackle me. I dodged him, and then kicked him between the legs. I connected hard, and lifted him off the ground with my foot. Not enough to be too noticeable, but he went over backwards with his hands clasped to his groin as he howled in agony.

I looked at the other two, but Scott was huddled in the corner, and his big brother had backed off and was holding his hands up like he was surrendering to the cops.

I ignored them and went to go help Courtney. I started to fix her clothes to cover her, and then looked back at my friends. Corey was just staring at me in awe with his mouth hanging open, and Ashley and Natalie were starting to function again as they looked into the room to see what was happening.

"Ashley and Natalie, come help me." I called to them. That got them moving, and they gingerly stepped into the room to help me with Courtney. The asshole in the doorway was knocked out cold but he was still alive. Corey didn't need to keep watching him. "Corey, go get my purse," I told him. "I need my cell phone." He nodded and hurried to the stairs, thankful to have something useful to do to help.

I picked up the plastic cup on the table next to the bed and sniffed it. Mom had brought some of this home as an example so I'd know what to look out for. The drink was drugged, and she'd be out of it until morning. The only good thing about this was that she wouldn't remember any of this. At least I'd been able to stop them before things went too far.

Ashley, Natalie and I got Courtney covered up and her clothes fixed and presentable before the commotion started to attract attention. A man showed up a couple of minutes later, and started to demand what the hell was going on. Corey showed up right behind him with my purse.

"What the hell is this? Nobody's supposed to be upstairs!" The man yelled. "Damien, Scott, What's going on? Are you fighting? Who are these girls? I want some answers now!"

I stepped over to the man as Corey handed me my purse. "Are you Scott and Damien's Father?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm David Wilson. This is my house. Do you know what's going on here?"

"I'm Vanessa Brandon. Yes, I know what happened. Your son Damien and his two friends here drugged my friend Courtney, and brought her up here to rape her. They were going to give her to Scott for a birthday present. At least he had the decency to say no."

"What!" He turned to glare at Damien.

"We saw them leave the party and followed them up here. We got here in time to stop them before they could do anything besides start to pull her clothes off."

"Who beat up these two?" He asked, looking at the unconscious asshole with the bloody nose and the half naked punk rolled into a ball around his privates. "Were there more of you?" Then he turned to look at Corey appraisingly.

"Nessie beat them up," Ashley said. "She saved Courtney." They had her sitting up on the edge of the bed now, but only because they were holding her up. She would have collapsed if they let her go.

"You did this?" Scott's father said incredulously, looking at me like he couldn't believe it.

I shrugged as I fished my cell phone out of my purse. "I've got a black belt in Aikido, and I've been training in self defense with my sister since I could walk. I guess all the training finally paid off. Excuse me for a minute. I need to make a call."

"Who are you calling?" he asked.

"I'm calling my step dad to come pick us up. I'm taking Courtney home."

"That's not necessary… I can see that she get's home safely…"

"Look, I can call my dad and take her with me, or I can cal 911, and we can have the police find her a ride home. Which call should I make?"

Mr. Wilson blanched white, and then said, "Call your father…"

I nodded, and made the call.

"_Hi, Nessie, did you have fun? It's still early…_" Grandpa Phil said when he answered the phone.

"Yeah, it was fun. I need you to come pick us up right away, Phil. We need to give Courtney a ride home."

"_Is everything alright?_"

"No, but I'll explain when you get here, ok?"

"_Ok. I'll be there in five minutes._"

"Thanks, Phil."

I turned to Corey. "Phil will be here in five minutes, get our stuff, ok?"

"Sure, Nessie, I'll meet you downstairs." I was glad he agreed. He didn't have to leave with us, but I was glad he decided to and didn't ask any questions.

Mr. Wilson didn't ask any questions or complain when we left. He just glared at Damien, and I knew he was going to have a lot of explaining to do.

I went to the bed and pulled Courtney's arm over my shoulder to help Natalie walk her downstairs while Ashley collected her shoes and purse. I supported most of her weight as we left the party. It would have been easier for me to just pick her up and carry her downstairs, but that would have given too much away and caused people to talk even more. Fighting training was one thing, but carrying her by myself would have looked freakishly too strong.

Nobody else had come upstairs, but there was a crowd gathered at the base of the stairs. I saw Brittany and Ashley making calls, and I knew they were calling for rides too. I guess the party was breaking up, and none of them wanted to stay here now. I didn't think Corey had said anything, but it seemed like the story was getting around anyhow, and people knew something had happened.

We were standing outside when Grandpa Phil showed up in his truck. He got out when he saw us and came over and picked Courtney up and carried her to the truck. Then he turned to me.

"Did she have a date or was anyone else riding with her?" Grandpa Phil asked.

I turned to Natalie to ask her, but she'd heard him ask. "No, she didn't have a date. She came with me and Peter. His mom is picking us up. I'll be ok. Thanks for helping Courtney, Nessie. You were awesome."

"Hey, friends look out for each other. I'll see you next week, Natalie, ok?"

"Sure… I'll check on Courtney tomorrow."

Phil had laid Courtney across the back seat so I slid into the middle again and Corey got in next to me. We drove away as the other parents were showing up to pick kids up.

"So what happened to Courtney?" Grandpa Phil asked.

"Scott's brother and a couple of assholes drugged her and took her upstairs to a bedroom. They were taking her clothes off when we found them."

"Do we need to call the police?" Grandpa Phil asked.

"I'll leave that up to Courtney and her dad. There's no physical evidence. They didn't actually get far enough to rape her. They could get in trouble for drugging her, but it's her word against theirs that they did it without her knowledge. A good defense attorney could get them off, even with all the eye witness testimony."

"I could get in more trouble than the assholes that tried to rape her. I had to get rough with them, Phil. They're alive, but one of them was still unconscious, and I think I kicked the other one hard enough to do permanent damage. He'll probably never have kids even if he can still have sex again after this."

Then Corey spoke up before Grandpa Phil could say anything. "Wait…! They tried to rape her! And you could get in trouble? You saved her! That's just not right!"

"That's how our legal system works. It's hard to prove rape unless they actually do it and leave evidence behind for a doctor to collect. Attempted rape is even harder to prove. The police can arrest them, but they'll be out on bail in less than twenty-four hours if Courtney presses charges."

"What I did is an assault, and I'd have to prove it was self defense or that the person I was helping was in imminent personal danger. There's more of a case against me, and all the reasons they'll get off are reasons why I'd be in trouble."

"That is seriously messed up, Nessie. You didn't do anything wrong. You stopped Courtney from being hurt by those guys."

Corey put his arm around me and pulled me into his side as we drove to Courtney's house.

Grandpa Phil pulled up into the driveway when we got there, and then got out to carry Courtney up to the door. Corey and I got out of the truck and followed them up onto the porch. The door opened before we got all the way up to it and Courtney's father stepped out.

Courtney's dad came out in a panic to find out what had happened. We filled him in and brought him up to speed. He wanted to call the police, but Grandpa Phil took him aside and talked to him quietly for a couple of minutes. I could hear what he was saying. He was having the same conversation with him about the legal system that we'd just had in the truck.

He came over and told me thank you for sticking up for Courtney, and then put her in his car and took her to the emergency room at the hospital.

We left to go drop Corey off after that. Grandpa Phil pulled up to the curb and parked.

"Well, I had fun, Nessie," Corey said. "I guess I should have called my mom, so I could have walked you up to the door…"

"Hey, you're not getting off the hook that easy, buddy." I turned to Grandpa Phil. "Give me a minute, Phil, ok?"

"Take all the time you need, Nessie. I'll be waiting."

Corey opened the door and slid out of the truck, and I got out with him. He held my hand and we walked across the yard in front of his house.

"I'm sorry about all of that craziness at the end of the party. I had a lot of fun today too. So, do you still want me to be your girlfriend?"

"Hell yeah, Nessie! You're the most amazing girl I've ever met." He took both of my hands again, turned me to face him and looked into my eyes. "I want you to be my girlfriend, and I want to be your boyfriend. I don't know if I can beat up jerks like you can, but I really like you."

He leaned down again, and his lips met mine. I let go of his hands, and my arms snaked around his neck as my fingers tangled into his hair and pulled him closer. His hands were on my hips, pulling me against him, and then they were circling my waist and pressing into the small of my back.

My lips parted, and my tongue traced along his bottom lip. I felt his lips part and the tip of his tongue touched mine. It was slick and sweet and velvety smooth as the tip of his tongue swirled around mine.

He broke the kiss and was still holding me, as he leaned down and gently rested his forehead against mine.

"That's so amazing and incredible, Nessie… I know what those guys did tonight was wrong… you aren't going to kick me like that if we get to know each other better, and I try some stuff, are you?"

"Not if you ask me nicely and respect me. No means no, but sometimes I'll say yes if I'm ready to. You shouldn't have to drug a girl to do that. We can both have fun, but I'm not ready to go that far yet, Corey."

"Ok, neither am I. This was great Nessie. I just thought I should ask…"

"Asking is good. Talking about what we want is good. Neither of us can read minds. I want to know what you're comfortable with, and you need to know what I'm comfortable with. If you want to know, ask me. Don't force anything or pressure me, and I won't have to hurt you."

"That's good to know…"

I pulled him down to me again and silenced him with my lips pressed against his. The porch light flashed off and on after a minute, and I knew it was time to go. I broke the kiss and stepped back.

"Call me later, ok?"

He nodded. "Good night, Nessie," and then he turned and walked up on the porch and went inside.

I floated back to the truck and got in to ride home. Grandpa Phil just smirked at me, but I couldn't wipe the smile off my face for anything.

Courtney and her dad didn't press any charges, and the police never showed up to arrest me. Nothing official ever happened as a result of the events that night.

I think mom checked up on the two assholes, and had a long talk with them about respect and how to treat girls. It's amazing how attentive a guy can be with the muzzle of a 9mm pistol pressed to his temple. Mom made them an offer they couldn't refuse, and they decided it wasn't a good idea to press any charges either.

Damien didn't go back to school. His dad shipped him off to an all boy's military school in another state for his senior year of high school. Scott went back to school, but he started hanging out with a different group of kids.

Courtney and I talked on the phone, but she stopped hanging out at the mall. She finished the school year, but there were a lot of rumors floating around, and Natalie told me she moved away to go live with her aunt in another state.

Corey and I dated for the rest of the year. He learned what I was like when the PMS hit that next week. He was really great about it and put up with a lot of crap that he didn't have to.

We had a lot of fun that summer. We went to the movies a lot and some more parties that summer. We hung out at the mall and he spent a lot of time at my house. My family didn't care if I was there alone with him. They trusted me to make the right decisions and treated me like an adult. Corey respected me, and didn't try to take advantage of their trust. He knew what would happen if he did.

We didn't spend so much time at his house. His mom always wanted me to eat human food that I thought was gross, and his older brother tried to hit on me.

We made out a lot, and I let him get to second base by the time school started again after the summer, but I never did get to show him what I learned on the night of the happy bananas. Despite what mom and grandma thought, I wasn't ready to go any further than I already had. Corey and I had fun with what we were already doing and didn't feel a need to push the envelope. I'm sure we would have gotten further if we hadn't moved again.

**6 years old – 15.23 human years**

I really thought we were going to settle down and stay in New York for a while. Years at least, not just a single year like the other places we'd lived. I thought I would have at least finished growing up there. I thought Corey and I had time to go slow and get comfortable with each other and learn about what we were ready for. I was wrong. We moved again the January after I turned six, but I looked like I was fifteen human years old by then.

For the first time it wasn't about me when we moved. I fit in enough that we could have stayed in New York. I looked enough like an ordinary teenager that nobody gave me a second thought. A lot of the kids I knew changed as fast as I did while they were teenagers. No, this time we left for grandma.

Grandma Renee had an accident, and we all decided it was time we moved on.

I would have put up more of a fight to stay because of Corey, but I knew I couldn't. Everyone in my family had always sacrificed so much for me when I was little, and besides, Corey had seen too much. It was at the point where I either had to tell him everything, or we had to move on to leave him in the dark and guessing about our true nature.

It was a couple of weeks after winter break and Corey had come over after school to hang out with me. It was a Monday afternoon, and Grandma and grandpa had gone hunting Saturday afternoon after grandma got off work. Grandma had Monday off, so they could stay out all night Saturday and Sunday and they had been looking forward to the trip for a little alone time. I had gone hunting with mom last night, but we'd stayed relatively close to home and had just driven south of Batavia where there were a couple of state parks and a state forest.

Corey and I were in the living room watching TV. Well, the TV was on… Mom was in the study working on a research paper she was writing when I heard the commotion from the back of the house. The door from the path to the garage opened and I could hear running feet.

Grandma tore through the house at full speed, heading back to the bedroom she shared with grandpa. Even moving that fast, I knew her eyes were a brilliant ruby red instead of bright blue.

I was hastily adjusting my clothes as grandpa followed her in at a slightly more subdued pace. He obviously knew Corey was here, and he didn't want him to see their speed, but he wanted to get to Grandma to comfort her. That actually made it worse. Grandma had moved through the house as a blur that he had likely missed altogether. Grandpa was moving slowly enough that he saw him move through the room faster than was possible for a human.

Then mom made it even worse.

She suddenly dashed out of the study and apparently appeared out of nowhere to Corey's eyes, standing in the middle of the room.

"Phil, what happened?" She asked when there was nobody in the room to talk to.

I could hear Grandma's anguished sobs, and she kept repeating, 'I'm sorry,' over and over like she was in shock.

"_There was an accident…_" Phil said from their suite of rooms at the other end on the house. I heard it, but it was too faint for Corey to hear.

"Oh my god…!" Mom said, and then she was gone as she blurred down the hall to their rooms.

"Nessie? What's going on?" Corey asked. "Was that your step dad? How did he move like that? Your sister just disappeared…"

"Shh…" I shushed him. "I want to hear what happened…"

"How can you hear what they're saying? They're in the other room…"

"Shh…! I'll explain later…"

"…_We were hunting. It wasn't her fault…_" Phil was saying.

"_I know, just start at the beginning, and tell me what happened…_"

"…_So we were working back towards town… We'd been preoccupied most of the weekend… We were hunting some of the closer groves around the golf courses and wooded patches on our way back…_"

"_Phil! I thought you were driving down to Pennsylvania?_"

"_We did. We stayed in a nice little bed & breakfast. Renee loved it… We just didn't get much hunting done…_"

"_Fine, so what happened…?_"

"_I'm sorry, Bella…_" Grandma said. "_It was my fault… I got careless… That poor girl… I just wanted to help…_" She broke down again sobbing, and couldn't speak.

"_I was finishing off a deer I'd caught, and Renee was up ahead of me about a half a mile away, working the next patch of cover... I could see her catch the scent, and start her stalk. Then the wind shifted and the deer spooked. They darted out of the thicket and crossed the road._

"_I swear, I never even heard the car. They swerved to avoid the deer and she lost control on the ice. They hit a tree hard. It totaled their car…_"

"_I'm so sorry baby…_" Grandma sobbed then. "_I just wanted to help them… The car was so bad, the front wind shield was smashed from the inside… I should have run! I could see the blood before I smelled it… Nessie's going to hate me…_"

"_Why is Nessie going to hate you mom? Who was in the car? My god, was it someone we knew…?_"

I heard Phil give a heavy sigh as Grandma broke down into sobs again. "_It was Nessie's friend Natalie and her mom…_"

Suddenly I was up off the couch and sprinting down the hall faster than was humanly possible.

"…I guess they were on their way home from school when the deer ran in front of them. Renee saw the accident, and she was just trying to help. She ripped the door off the car to get them out… Mrs. Miller was already dead… she wasn't wearing her seat belt and broke her neck when she hit the windshield…"

"Oh my god!" I yelled. "You ate Natalie's mom?"

"Nessie, baby, calm down." Mom said. "Let them finish…"

Phil gave a heavy sigh, and then turned to look at me. "Natalie was driving, Nessie. The seat belt and airbag saved her life… I almost wish it hadn't… She saw everything when the bloodlust took control of Renee…"

"I'm so sorry baby… I know she was your friend…" Grandma sobbed. "I couldn't stop… Not 'til it was over… The way she was screaming will haunt me for the rest of my life…"

"Natalie saw it all? What are we going to do? She'll tell people! We won't be able to cover that up!"

"Natalie's dead, Nessie…" Mom said as gently as she could while she looked from Grandma back at Grandpa Phil. Grandpa Phil nodded solemnly to confirm her statement.

"What? But you said the airbag saved her! She was alive!"

"It was over quickly…" Grandpa Phil said. "She didn't suffer for long… The screams stopped before I could get to the car and I started running as soon as I heard the crash. She may have just been reacting to the accident…"

"No…" Grandma said. "Don't try to sugarcoat it to make us feel better about what happened. She deserves the truth… She saw everything. She knew what was happening… She was alive and aware for all of it… I knew it… I could see the horror in her eyes… smell her fear, and I still couldn't stop… It was horrible being so weak… So out of control… She was screaming at me to stop, and I wanted to… I wanted to stop… I fought to stop, but god help me I couldn't… Not until it was over and the bloodlust faded…"

"Nessie? Is everything alright?" I heard Corey call form the end of the hallway.

Nothing was right. This was some sick nightmare, but I couldn't wake up… Natalie wasn't a criminal or a predator or a bad person... She was a shy, sweet, innocent girl that went shopping with me and hung out in the mall and talked about boys while we drank coffee…

I wanted to be sick… The room was spinning around. I dropped to my knees and my forehead hit the cool hardwood floor. This couldn't be happening. Natalie was gone… Grandma ate her…

"Nessie…?" Corey called again. He was in the hallway now, but still at the other end of the house.

Thank god he hadn't followed me down the hallway yet. That would have been too much to deal with after all of this.

Mom looked down the hallway as she realized Corey was still here.

"How much did he see?" Mom asked quietly as she turned to look at me.

"Too much. We were all moving too fast. I don't think he heard…" I sat up. I had to stop Corey from walking in on this.

Mom nodded, and then reached into her pocket. She tossed me her car keys. "Take him home and say goodbye. We'll deal with this."

I was stunned. She never let me drive alone. "I don't have a license…"

"It doesn't matter, baby… We're going to have to move. Right now. Make up your mind…. Either take him home or take him with us, but that's up to the two of you. You can't tell him anymore unless he comes with us…"

"Mom! No… It's too soon… I don't even know if I love him yet or not…"

"Say your goodbyes then. We'll be leaving when you get back…" Then she turned back to Grandpa Phil. "What did you leave for the police to find?"

"I punched out the windshield from the inside, and then tossed the bodies into the trees to make it look like they'd been ejected from the vehicle…"

"That's good, but it'll still look suspicious. There won't be enough blood…"

I didn't want to hear anymore, and hurried back down the hallway. I wanted to run, but I forced myself to move at a human pace. I grabbed Corey's arm and pulled him away from the hallway as we headed for the back door out to the garage.

"What's going on Nessie?" Corey asked. "Where are we going?"

"I need to drive you home…"

"You're driving me home? You don't have a license…"

"Bella gave me her keys." I held them up for him to see. "I can drive. They trust me. This isn't a good time… There was an accident. My mom's really upset right now…" I was really upset right now…

I got into the driver seat of mom's Audi S4, and Corey got into the passenger seat. I fired up the powerful V-8 engine, and hit the button on the remote to open the garage. I pulled out into the driveway, and then pressed the control to put the top up on the convertible. It was cool driving with the top down, but the windows were heavily tinted and I didn't want to take a chance on getting pulled over because I didn't have a license. Nobody would be able to see who was driving with the top up.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on now, Nessie?" Corey asked as I pulled out of the driveway and started driving to his house.

"I can't say anything, Corey. I know I promised I'd tell you later, but my family has some secrets I'm not allowed to tell."

"So that really happened? You aren't going to try and tell me I'm crazy or imagining things are you?" I shook my head, no. "But you aren't going to give me any kinds of explanation either, are you?"

I glanced at him and he had an understanding expression on his face, but I just shook my head no. I couldn't lie to him, but I couldn't tell him anything else either.

"I won't say anything to anyone, Nessie. You can trust me. I'll keep your secrets."

"I can't tell you anything else, Corey… We're leaving when I get back from dropping you off… Bella let me drive you home so I could say goodbye…"

"You're leaving? Right now, tonight? Where are you going?"

I nodded "I don't know yet…Far away. Probably to another state…"

He was silent for a minute as that sank in. "You've done this before… Your house didn't really burn down, did it?"

"No…"

"Look, Nessie… I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you had a good reason to lie, if your whole family is involved in this. I don't want to lose you. I really like you Nessie… I don't want to break up with you."

"I'm going to be gone, Corey. I really like you too, but I may never see you again… Can't we just be friends? I know we got close… I have to say goodbye to you and that really sucks, but I'll always remember what we shared together this year."

I pulled into the driveway in front of his house and turned off the car.

"Can we at least keep in touch? We can talk on the phone and email. We can chat online…"

"Sure, that's cool… I'm not going to get mad if you go out with other girls, Corey. It's ok if you move on and find somebody else."

"Nessie! Damn it! I don't want anybody else!"

"You say that now, Corey, but I'm gonna be gone… It's ok. C'mon, I'll walk you to the door."

He didn't move to get out of the car. "Are you saying it's ok for me to go out with other girls, because you're going to go out with other guys?"

"I don't want any other guys. I'm not looking, but I don't know what'll happen. You don't know what'll happen after I'm gone. I'm just saying I'm cool with it if it does happen."

I opened the door, and after a minute, Corey got out and followed me up to his porch. He set his things down on the porch, and reached for me. I let him pull me into his arms as I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked up into his eyes.

"I don't want you to go, Nessie…"

"I know. I don't want to go, but it's my family… We have to leave… I'm sorry. I'll miss you…"

He leaned down and his lips met mine. It was soft and sweet and gentle. Much more tender than the passionate kisses we had shared earlier, but we both knew this wasn't the time or place for that. This was goodbye, and it wasn't tentative and faltering like hello. We knew each others bodies and what we had shared and it was enough.

I broke the kiss and stepped back. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, but I didn't want to cry in front of him.

"Goodbye, Corey… I'll miss you. I've got to go…" I spun and ran back to the car, but somehow I kept it slow, at a human pace.

"Goodbye, Nessie… I'll call you… I'll miss you…

I got in the car and drove away. The tears were freely flowing now, and I couldn't go home like this. I drove around fro a while to settle myself, and then finally drove back to the house.

Mom and grandma and grandpa had most of our things packed by the time I got back to the house. The essentials of our belongings were packed in Grandpa Phil's truck. Our records and hard copy files, the cash we hadn't managed to deposit into the banks yet, mom's guns, our laptops and computers, mainly things that we couldn't leave behind for humans or the police to find. I packed some clothes and got my personal things, everyone did a through once over to see if we'd missed anything and we were good to go.

I'd call Gary Powell in a day or two, and have him arrange to have movers come in for the rest when we knew it was safe and wouldn't raise suspicion. The belongings and furniture in the house would go to a storage unit, and then another moving company would move it from there to another storage unit in the state we ended up in. We'd rent a U-haul truck and pick it up from the storage place to move it to our new house.

Mom let me drive again and we got out of town. She told me to head west when we got to the interstate highway. We stopped in a hotel for the day to get out of the sun. Grandma and grandpa got their own room, and I stayed with mom.

Natalie's accident was on the news. They were calling it a tragic accident, and made no mention of grandma or grandpa or any strange circumstances. We knew they wouldn't if there was an investigation still going on. Mom put out some feelers through law enforcement channels and some colleagues she'd worked with in the criminology field, but it appeared they really were just calling it an accident.

We all sat down together the next evening to decide where we were going this time. We were already farther East than any of us was really comfortable with. We decided to start working our way west, and decided on Chicago, Illinois for our next home. The semi-urban environment had worked for all of us in New York, so we decided to try it again.

There were plenty of suburbs around Chicago that would do. The upper class country club communities suited our tastes, and we had enough cash and wealth to fit in. Not to mention the semi-wooded golf courses and county parks and semi-rural nature of the communities offered us places to hunt. the houses were widely enough spaced that we didn't have to worry about nosy neighbors, and our cars wouldn't stand out the way they would in lower class neighborhoods.

We stayed in hotels until we settled on a community and found a new house. We ended up buying a large country home southwest of Barrington, Illinois. It was an upper class suburb about thirty miles northwest of downtown Chicago.

Grandma didn't go back to work after we moved. She was having a hard time dealing with what she'd done and spent all of her time with Grandpa Phil. She traveled with him to his games and photo shoots and he helped her to regain her confidence around people again.

Corey called me every night for the first month. Then it dropped to three or four night a week for another month. We chatted online and sent emails back and forth. The calls got more and more infrequent until they stopped altogether. Finally I saw his facebook status change, and he started posting new pictures. He didn't have to come out and tell me he was dating Ashley now. It was obvious by seeing how happy they looked together in the pictures they posted online.

I wasn't upset. I'd told him it was ok, and I'd wanted him to move on. I just kept my life a little more private in the new town we were living in. I wasn't ready to open up to new people yet, and I needed more time before I was ready to move on.

I found another health club to work out at, and a new martial arts studio to train with. I didn't come right out and tell them I already had my black belt, but after interviewing with the teachers and demonstrating my ability they put me in an advanced training program with individual instruction from the dojo master sensei. There were still things I had to learn, but I could have easily taught most of the classes for the beginner and intermediate students, and maybe some of the more advanced students too.

I shied away from hanging out at the mall now. I didn't want to become close to people again after what had happened. I still made frequent shopping trips, but it wasn't like I practically lived there or spent all my free time hanging out there.

Mom finally relented and let me get my driver's license. I called Gary Powell, and had him arrange it. I was excited when it showed up in the mail, but mom balked at the idea of me getting my own car. C'mon, what exactly was the use of having my driver's license if I didn't have a car to drive?

Seriously, mom was always gone to the city all night, and grandma and grandpa Phil were always taking off to some ball game god knows where. They might be gone for two or three days at a crack depending on how far they had to travel. None of them minded if I borrowed their car if they weren't using it, but they were all off doing their own thing a lot of the time. I had mom's car to get around town during the day, but then she'd take off at night to go hunting. I was supposed to borrow Grandpa Phil's truck when mom's car wasn't available, but they were gone as often as not.

I was ready to just say the hell with it and buy a car on my own. I had my own money and could easily afford a car. I figured it was just mom reacting to me growing up, and want to keep me her little girl a little longer again. I didn't mind that, but it was just so damn inconvenient. It wouldn't have been such a problem if there was decent public transportation out here in the suburbs, but there wasn't. It was May now, and I could easily pass for sixteen. It was almost a given out here in this community that having your own car went along with having your driver's license.

My martial arts class was over for the day and I had Grandpa Phil's truck for the afternoon. I was looking at car dealerships just browsing to see what was available when I got the idea, and I had to admit, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I was browsing through the BMW dealership, and wandered over to look at the motorcycles. Mom had said I couldn't buy a car, but she hadn't specifically said no to a motorcycle. The bikes they had on display looked huge, powerful and intimidating, but there was a video of somebody putting one of the big bikes through their paces on a road course, leaning through the turns as they flew around the track, and it looked exciting and fun. I could see myself riding one of these.

One of the salesmen came over while I was checking out the bikes and staring at the video play.

"Can I help you Miss? Are you interested in a motorcycle? We have some great financing packages available."

"They look really exciting and fun, but I don't even know how to ride one. I've never even been on one as a passenger…"

"That's not a problem. We recommend that all of our new owners take a safety training program, but we also offer a new rider training class."

"Really? How does that work?"

"The training class we offer is based on the Motorcycle Safety Foundation's Beginner Rider Course, but we go one better. The class is a three half day course with a day of classroom instruction, and then they use Honda Rebel 250 motorcycles to teach you how to ride on the next two days. Passing the test at the end of the course exempts you from having to take the state motorcycle driving skills test to get your motorcycle certification on your driver's license. If you purchase a bike from us, the cost of the class is included in the purchase, and we add a fourth day where the instructors will teach you how to ride your new motorcycle and get you familiar with it."

"So, let's say I was interested in something like this R1200GS Adventure, you could get me signed up in a training class and teach me how to ride it too?"

"Yes we can. That model is actually currently in stock in both smoke gray metallic matt and shiny yellow metallic."

"So this one must be the smoke gray metallic?"

"You don't miss much. The Adventure is one of our enduro series bikes. It's equally at home on the road or off-road for cross country touring. It's a comfortable ride for long range touring or for a quick trip around the block. The stainless steel luggage rack will accommodate large saddlebags for extended trips, and there are also a line of hard storage boxes that clip onto the rack."

"How fast does it go?"

"Let's just say over 120 mph. You could probably go faster, but it depends on how you set up the bike and how hard you push it."

"That's cool. What kind of gas mileage are we talking here?"

"43.3 mpg City, 51.1 mpg on the highway."

"Ok, how soon can you get me into a training class if I do this?"

"Well, there's a class starting tomorrow and running through this weekend, and then the next one is next month. I can hold the bike if you'd like to come back down with your parents and run your credit."

"That isn't a problem. How much is it?"

"Well, the basic model lists for $17,250, but this one has the premium package installed. The installed options include heated grips, ABS, saddle bag mounts, on board computer, Enduro ESA, and fog lights, bumping the price tag up to $20,495."

"That's all? That's a lot cheaper than a car. Do you take American Express?" I asked as I reached into my purse.

"Yes… But we normally prefer cash or a check from your bank for a deposit. We can use a debit card for a down payment… Should we step into the office and discuss financing options? I can run your credit in just a couple of minutes…"

"Sure, let's start the paperwork, but I don't need financing. Just put it on my credit card." I handed him my American Express Platinum card as we walked into the office.

It took us about an hour to fill out all the paper work. I had to call Gary to handle some of the paperwork because I was a minor, but they faxed the documents to him and got back signed notarized copies of the paperwork they required. I had Gary add a motorcycle endorsement to my driver's license while the sales guy was out of the office processing paperwork. He told me it would in the mail tonight. I got signed up in the motorcycle training class that was running this week with the first class tomorrow.

I was the proud owner of a brand new BMW R1200GS Adventure motorcycle when I walked out of the dealership, but they'd hold on to it for me until Monday afternoon after I finished my training class.

Now I just had to go to the classes to learn how to ride the damn thing.

Grandma and Grandpa Phil left that evening to drive to a ball game in another state. They were going to be gone all weekend, so I wouldn't be able to use the truck. I'd have to borrow mom's car to drive to the classes, but I wasn't too worried about it. The first class was a half-day classroom course from one to four. The rest of the classes ran from seven in the morning until one in the afternoon with a break for brunch, so I was confident I'd be able to use mom's car.

The hard part was thinking up an excuse why I needed to leave so early in the morning on the weekend. Obviously mom was home if I was taking her car, and she would be awake. She didn't sleep. Usually we spent time together when grandma and grandpa were gone. I didn't want to hurt her feelings and avoid her. Normally if I needed some alone time, I'd just say I was going shopping, but mom knew the mall didn't open until ten o'clock on the weekends.

I ended up telling mom that the martial arts studio was having a guest teacher come in for special training, and I had to go in early for some special training sessions. It was supposed to be sunny out this weekend anyhow, so I knew mom would be inside until after dark. She had plenty of school work to keep her busy anyhow and she had no reason not to believe me. I was home free to take her car to go to my classes, but I still felt bad about lying to her.

The first classroom session was kind of boring, but it offered a lot of useful information. The instructor went through the manual page by page, explaining the rules of the road and motorcycle safety. I had the manual memorized in the first half hour, but then they got into useful practical information, like how the gears worked, how to use the clutch on the handgrip, how to shift and when you should shift. They talked powerbands and acceleration and when to downshift and when to use the brake. They talked about the proper way to take corners and generally how to operate the motorcycle safely and efficiently.

The next two days were the practical hands on part of the course and that was exciting and really fun. It was held in a large marked of portion of the parking lot at the shopping mall where nobody ever parked because it was too far from the stores. There was a row of little Honda 250 Rebel motorcycles lined up in the parking lot when I got there, and they didn't waste any time getting us onto them.

I'd never even ridden a bicycle as a child, but I didn't have any balance issues, and I picked up riding a motorcycle as easily as walking. It was exhilarating learning how to shift into second gear, and exciting to learn how to turn. By the end of the first day I was riding confidently. The second day we explored more advanced training topics like how to ride in traffic and avoid cars and pedestrians. We reviewed after brunch and worked independently on a variety of tasks while the instructors ran everyone through the motorcycle skills test.

I passed easily and got my motorcycle endorsement certificate. It was the first real document I had ever gotten, despite the fact it had the name I was using instead of my real name on it. The only other legitimate document I had ever gotten was my first social security card, and we had done that with a bogus birth certificate. I didn't even have a real birth certificate.

I took a cab to the final training session on Monday morning. This was the day where they'd teach me how to ride the motorcycle I'd bought, and I was planning on riding it home after the class. I still hadn't told mom or grandma or grandpa yet, but I couldn't go on keeping it a secret if I was going to keep the bike at home and ride it for transportation. I figured it would be easier to break the news to mom if I showed that I knew how to ride it and had already been through the training class.

There were trucks and trailers from several different dealerships waiting in the parking lot when I arrived that morning. Some of the other people in the class had taken advantage of this same option when they bought new motorcycles too. A small crowd had gathered around the truck from the BMW dealership as they checked out my new motorcycle on the trailer. Some of them seemed surprised when I walked up and talked to the driver. I showed him my ID and signed the paperwork, and he started to unload the bike for me.

The delivery driver leaned the big bike onto the kick stand and handed me the matching smoke gray helmet I had ordered when I bought the bike. It was a full face closed helmet with a mirrored visor. There was a matching passenger helmet clipped to the luggage rack. I wasn't sure who I'd ever carry as a passenger, but I wanted to be prepared. I had just gone ahead and gotten it in mom's size. I knew it would fit both mom and grandma, and I couldn't imagine who else I give a ride too. Grandpa would just have to buy his own helmet if he wanted a ride.

The helmet went nicely with the rest of my outfit. I could wear all of mom's clothes now. I had filled out some over the last year and I was wearing one of her leather jackets. I guess it more mine now than hers. It had migrated to my closet and she never said anything about it. The jacket was a shiny almost black charcoal grey leather and matched the coloring of the bike. I was wearing black skinny jeans and a new pair of motorcycle boots I had picked up to complete my outfit.

The BMW R1200GS Was huge compared to the little Honda 250 Rebels I had learned to ride on, but everything worked pretty much the same. The BMW had a shaft drive instead of a chain like the Honda, and six gears instead of four, but all the controls were pretty much the same. There were just more of them because there were more features, like the ABS anti-lock brakes and the Enduro ESA electronic suspension adjustment that you could use to switch the suspension between on-road and off-road riding. The seat was higher and I had to lean the bike over so my toe would reach the ground. It was a little intimidating at first, but once the instructors went over all of the features and I familiarized myself with the bike I gained confidence.

I didn't have any trouble handling the bigger bike. It may have helped that I was strong enough to pick it up and hold it over my head, but I didn't show off in front of the humans. Pretty soon, I was going through all of the drills I had done in the training class, but on my new motorcycle. It was just as fun and exciting as I had known it would be when I was at the dealership.

Once the class was over I confidently headed out on the street, riding my new motorcycle. I cruised around town for a while, and then took the bike out on the highway to see what it could do. I took it out of the city limits and headed for the deserted sections of highway as I wound out the gears, crouched low hugging the gas tank while I flew down the road.

The sales guy hadn't been kidding when he said 'over 120 mph'. I pushed the bike up to 150 mph before I eased off and slowed it down. It was still afternoon and I didn't want to get a ticket, but I knew I could have been in Iowa or Minnesota in less than an hour. I got turned around and headed for home. It would twilight soon, and I wanted to face the music before mom decided to leave for the night.

I rode home and maneuvered the bike down the long driveway back to the big white detached garage behind the main house. Everyone in the house obviously heard me ride up because they all came out the backdoor of the house. They knew it had to be me with my long bronze hair streaming out under my helmet, but the looks on their faces were incredulous and disbelieving as I leaned the bike onto the kickstand and swung my leg over the seat to step off.

I pulled off my helmet and shook out my hair as they walked towards me.

Mom spoke first. "Nessie! What the hell is this?"

"Umm… It's a motorcycle mom…"

"I can see very well what it is! Those things are dangerous! I thought we discussed this?"

"You said I couldn't get my own car. You didn't say anything about motorcycles. Besides, it's not dangerous, it's fun."

"I didn't think I had to give you a list of what's allowed and what isn't. Do you have any idea how many kids get killed on these things every year? They're a menace. How do you even know how to ride it?"

"Bella, remember what I told you about picking your battles?" Grandma cautioned. "Nessie isn't reckless, and she wouldn't do anything she can't handle. I don't like these things either, but if anyone can ride one safely, it's going to be one of us."

"I'm a little more durable than most kids. Besides, the statistics are exaggerated by haters, and most of those people didn't get the proper instruction in how to ride one safely. I took a training class to learn how to ride it. I passed a test and everything." I reached into my pocket and handed her the certificate from my training class.

"I thought I was cutting her some slack with boys? Now it's motorcycles too?" mom said to grandma. Then she turned back to me. "So this was the special training you've been going to over the weekend? You lied to me."

"Mom… I'm sorry I lied to you, but I was afraid you'd tell me no if I told you the truth."

"I thought we could talk about anything… It's my job to tell you no to protect you. I thought you trusted me…"

"Most of the time we can, but I'm growing up mom. I do trust you, but sometimes I think you say no to things just because you want to hold me back and keep me little for a little longer. I need you to trust me too. It goes both ways mom."

Mom sighed. "Ok, I guess I do that sometimes, but you're growing up so fast… Is it so wrong for me to want you to be my little girl for as long as I can keep you? You're six for gods' sake!"

"I know… But you know how I age… That makes me about sixteen and a half physically, and you know I've never really been a little girl… I still love you mom, but you need to let me grow up. I don't want to hurt you, but I need a little independence, mom."

"Fine… and you think killing yourself on a motorcycle is going to make you independent?"

"Maybe a little... I'm not going to kill myself, and at least I won't have to worry about whose car I can borrow anymore. Besides, its fun…"

"I guess it's alright… At least you took this training class…" she said as she waved the certificate from the class.

"Would you like to go for a ride, mom?" I asked as I unclipped the other helmet from the luggage rack and held it out to her.

"What! You want to get me onto that deathtrap now? I'm barely alright with you riding it! What makes you think I want to try it?"

"Oh go on, Bella," Grandpa Phil urged her. "You know the idea excites you. You're just saying no because you think you're supposed to say no. Moms are supposed to say no, right? Besides, you have preconceived notions because your dad was a cop. I've heard the horror stories he told you, every time we see an accident on the news. You know you can't get hurt, and Nessie has reflexes almost as fast as yours."

"You can at least give it a try, Bella." Grandma said. "Maybe you ought to see what it's like if you're going to let Nessie ride it."

"I think you'll like it mom. It's almost like running, and I know how you like fast cars and speed. This is faster than any of the cars we've had, but you can drive it in town and don't have to hide in the trees or rooftops."

"Really? It's faster than the Audi?"

"I punched it up to 150mph out on the highway, and I didn't even wind out sixth gear."

"Nessie! That's dangerous! In broad daylight? What if you got a ticket? …150? Really…?" Mom sighed again. "Ok, give me the helmet. What am I supposed to do?"

Mom took the helmet, put it on and started to buckle the chin strap. I pulled my helmet back on, and then pulled the bike off the stand and wheeled it around so it was facing back down the driveway toward the street. I swung back onto the seat and held the bike up, leaned over with my toe on the on the ground, holding it up.

"Go ahead and climb on behind me, mom. Put your feet up on the pegs that fold down back there, and then hold onto me. Just lean with me when we turn, and don't try to fight it… We won't fall down. Trust me."

Mom climbed on behind me like I told her, and wrapped her arms around my waist to hold on. I thumbed the electric start, and the big 1200cc opposed twin engine purred to life. It roared and sent a delicious vibration pulsing through the frame and up through the seats when I twisted the throttle and gave it some gas. I felt mom shudder and grip me tighter as the sensation flowed through her, right where she was sitting.

"Ok… This is kind of nice…" She said.

"Hang on, mom… Here we go!" I let out the clutch and gave the bike some gas, and we shot down the driveway.

She literally squealed when we took off, and she practically screamed when I took the corner at the end of the driveway. I leaned the bike into the turn so my knee almost dragged on the ground, but I couldn't take it too much lower, or the foot pegs would have dragged. Mom clung to my back like a limpet as I wound out the gears heading for the highway, but after a couple of minutes, I felt her relax and start to look around and enjoy the ride.

She squealed again when I laid the bike down around the curve up the onramp to the interstate, and then wound out the gears as we shot down the highway. I skillfully weaved our way through the traffic, crossing the freeway to the fast lane, easily overtaking the traffic pattern as we rocket out in front of the pack of cars and trucks.

"So, what do you think, mom?" I asked.

I knew she'd be able to hear me, despite the fact that we were both wearing helmets and cruising down the freeway. Our hearing was that good. I was only going eighty. She drove her Audi this fast, cruising to the store or driving me to the gym.

"Ok, I won't lie to you. I like it, but it feels dangerous… I guess I'm just used to having a car around me when I drive."

"Well, try this and let me know what you think…"

I down shifted to slow down and eased across the freeway to the slow lane, and then leaned the bike over as we shot around the cloverleaf onto a less crowded freeway heading west out of state. I wound out the gears once I hit the straight away and poured on the gas as I punched it up to 150mph again.

I could feel mom practically purring from the exhilaration of the speed we were traveling at. Driving fast was a big thrill for vampires, and mom usually drove with her foot on the floor when she could get away with it. This was faster than any of her cars had ever gone, and I knew she liked it.

"Well…?" I asked as we screamed down the highway like were riding rails on a rocket sled.

"Fine… I like it… Umm… Do you think it would be very hard for me to learn how to ride this…?"

I laughed out loud. "No, it's not hard at all. The class I took was four days, but they had us riding on the second day. You'll pick this up easy, but this one's mine. I'll share, but they aren't very expensive."

"Really? What did you pay for this?"

"About $24,000 with the helmets and premium package."

"That's all? I paid five times that much for my Audi and it doesn't go nearly this fast. I might just have to get one of these."

That didn't surprise me at all. Mom loved driving fast, and riding on a motorcycle was a lot more like running than driving in a car. We cruised a little more, and then I got us turned around and started working back towards the house. I knew mom was feeling pretty good, so I decided to bring up another topic that I'd been considering broaching.

"Mom… When are you going to let me come help you hunt humans in the city with you?"

"Nessie… We've talked about this baby… I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm not going to get hurt. You said I could go with when I was older. Well I'm older now. Physically I'm almost as old as you were when you were turned. You know I can fight and shoot and drive as good as you can."

"You're not as durable as me…"

"I heal almost as fast as you do. We both know I could crash this bike right now, and I may not walk away right away, but it wouldn't kill me, and I'd heal from it without a scratch. You know I could get shot, stabbed, or get thrown through a brick wall and I'd walk away from it and heal from all the damage."

"Nessie…! I don't even want to think about you getting hurt like that!"

"I don't want to get hurt like that either, but I'm just saying, I can help you, and you don't have to worry."

"I'll think about it…"

I knew mom was just stalling for more time. She was overprotective and wanted to wrap me in gauze to protect me from danger, but I wasn't going to stand for it. I knew what was going on. Mom had compensated for the loss of my father in her life by transferring a lot of the feelings she would have felt for her mate into her overprotective maternal instinct for me as her child. Having me come into her life had been the catalyst that had catapulted her out of her depression when my father left her.

I knew she was subconsciously afraid that if anything happened to me it would be as bad as a vampire losing their mate. Of course her mate was still out their somewhere. She'd be able to go on if they ever patched up their broken relationship. Not that I was anxious for them to get back together or anything. I knew what my father had done to her, and he had a lot to answer for to both of us.

I was just sick and tired of sitting home planning her stings and busts and running things from behind the scenes. I wanted to get out there and experience the action side of the business that mom was keeping to herself. Besides, it wasn't like I was ready to branch out and go it solo or something if she said no. I still wanted to work together with mom as a team. This was another case where she had years of experience compared to what I had studied and learned from books and computers. I needed her to teach me how to do this too.

-O-

I waited until mom had been gone for about fifteen minutes. Grandma and Grandpa Phil were out of town going to shoot a baseball game in Minnesota. I gave mom a good head start, and then I went out and jumped on my bike to follow her. I knew where she was going. We'd been tracking this gang for weeks and I had them under a microscope, watching their every move. Mom knew where they were going to make the deal.

We were pretty certain the buy was going to happen tonight. They had made sizeable withdrawals from multiple local bank accounts, and that much cash almost certainly meant the deal was going down tonight. This was a major buy for this syndicate. The bank activity totaled almost a million dollars in cash withdrawals. Chances were this was supplementing cash stockpiles that they had on hand that had never been deposited in banks.

I had moms GPS in the Audi lojacked and I could track her location telemetry to pinpoint her position, but that would only tell me where she'd parked her car if I wasn't close enough behind her to follow her. I stayed out of sight so I wouldn't tip her off to my presence and make her turn back and abandon the sting. I tracked her on the navigation system installed on the motorcycle and waited until she parked.

I left the BMW in the shadows in a dark alley and quickly moved to where she had parked the Audi. I picked up her scent almost immediately and followed her up onto the roof tops. I stayed far enough back so she wouldn't notice, but tracked her as she stalked the prey. I knew when she stopped and settled into a blind spot on a rooftop to watch and wait. I stayed out of range but made a quick circuit of the parking garage, noting where the gangs back up reserve thugs lay in wait hidden in the parking structure.

I found my own spot to watch from, and settled in to wait.

It was nearly three in the morning when the van pulled up to the parking structure. The driver pulled a ticket and the barricade lifted to let them in. I saw mom move in preparation to strike, but I made my move first.

Mom hissed and spun in a defensive crouch when I dropped off the rooftop next door onto the ledge of the balcony next to her. Then she relaxed infinitesimally when she realized it was me.

"Nessie!" She hissed. "What the hell are you doing here? I told you to stay home!"

"I'm here to help you. You were never going to say ok and let me come with you, so I followed you."

"Damn it! You go home this instant, young lady! You're not going in there, and that's final!"

"No. Either you drag me home and miss the bust, or I'm going in with you. You better hurry up and decide. They're going to make the deal any minute."

"We've got some time... These guys are professionals. They brought a chemist and he's testing the purity of the drugs, and then they're going to count the cash. This isn't some five minute back alley drug deal. They've got the cops in their pocket and they aren't expecting to be interrupted. You go home right now, and we'll discuss this when I'm finished."

"They've got four more guys around the back as backup if this goes south. They've got automatic weapons and night vision goggles. Maybe they were expecting you to show up and brought more muscle. You need me on this one."

"Damn it… I can still handle this alone…"

"No you can't. You'll have to kill them all if you move fast enough to dodge their bullets, and a machine gun can do enough damage to hurt you. You need my help. Who the hell do you think you are? Fucking Batman? Even he had a side kick."

"What, so you're Robin now? Actually I was more partial to Cat Woman myself…"

"Oh c'mon! Selena Kyle was a fucking cat burglar and jewel thief when they weren't portraying her as an environmentalist vigilante. Besides, two of the characters that wore the Robin costume were girls, but personally I'm more partial to Bat Girl. She had a cool bike."

"Whatever… Nessie… I didn't want you to help me because of what happened in Pennsylvania… We do what we have to do, but I don't want to temp you. We aren't eating these guys…"

"I get it mom… I made a deal with you. I didn't go with Garrett. While I live under your roof, I'll follow your rules. I understand why you don't want to eat people now. I never really saw humans as people, until Grandma's accident. Natalie was my friend, and it hurt knowing that grandma killed her. I don't blame grandma. I know it was the bloodlust, but I get it now.

"That still doesn't mean I don't think we should eat these guys. They're predators and get whatever's coming to them, but I understand why you think it's wrong now. I still think eating human predators is ok, but I'll accept your rules as long as we're together, ok?"

"Ok…, you can help this one time... You take out the four around back, ok? I'll go in the front, and then back me up when you're done in back."

"Not a problem…" I loosened my leather jacket and pulled the 9mm out of my shoulder holster and checked the clip. I jacked the slide to chamber a round and then slid it back into the holster. I probably wouldn't even need it, but it paid to be prepared. "…Let's do this."

Mom nodded and we dropped off the ledge into the shadows together.

**Author's Note:**

This will be the last Nessie POV chapter for a while. Bella will take back over in the next chapter.

If you liked this story, please review and let me know what you think. Even if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear from you. I read all the reviews, even if I don't answer all of them. If you have questions, I try to answer then without giving away too much of the plot.


	16. Chapter 16 Back to School

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **BPOV (Bella), Bella continues the story. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 16 Back to School

We moved again after that job in Chicago. I had started to attract attention to myself from the criminal underworld, and I knew it was time to back off and lie low for a while. The fact that the gang had brought specially armed gunmen to try and get the drop on me was a wake up call. It was a good thing I had brought unexpected backup too, or things might have ended differently. They weren't expecting two of us, and we'd dealt with them easily.

We walked away with a cool 1.5 million in cash, and left the van full of drugs parked in front of the police station with most of the thugs bound and gagged in the back with the drugs. We had video surveillance footage of most of the deal going down that cut off when the real action started. Nobody ever found the bodies of the ones that resisted.

I still did smaller cases to keep busy after that, but nothing as big as the Chicago job. Nessie took a more active role after that night. I knew I could trust her and she wanted to help. I concentrated more on legitimate clients doing some bodyguard work and more fugitive recovery for bounties as I worked on my PhD in criminology, but we still found time for good old fashioned crime fighting too.

We spent a year in Hutchinson, Minnesota near the twin cities, and then nearly two years in a small town outside Sioux City, Iowa as Nessie turned seven and then eight years old. I still kept careful records of her growth and physical changes. She didn't change at all during the years after her seventh birthday, and I had to conclude that she had stopped aging. Only time would tell for sure, but there weren't any changes that I could find.

Nessie's scent was much closer to Renee and Phil's scent now than it had been when she was little, but was closer to a traditional vampires scent than either of theirs with hardly a trace of human scent now. She still had a heartbeat but it was very faint and you had to be close to her to catch it. Her body temperature had cooled somewhat with the reduction in her heart rate, and it was much closer to human body temperature now. Her eyes were still chocolate brown on a diet of some human food, animal blood and what flesh she consumed from her kills. They would turn ruby red from human blood, but animal blood didn't affect them.

The biggest difference between Nessie and Renée and me was the fact that she had a period. I still didn't know if she was capable of getting pregnant, but she knew how to be safe if she had to. According to her, she still hadn't needed to be safe yet, and I tended to believe her. She'd had opportunities with the boys she dated, but she just said she wasn't ready. I wasn't going to argue with her. I was glad she was waiting.

Physically, Nessie and I looked enough alike to easily pass as sisters, or perhaps half sisters. She was an inch taller than me, but looked younger, appearing to be about seventeen years old since her seventh birthday to my eighteen year old appearance, although, both of us could easily pass as older with the right clothes and makeup. She had long bronze colored hair that hung in ringlets to her waist while I had long mahogany brown hair with reddish highlights. We shared a heart shaped face, but perfected in its planes and angles. Edwards's bone structure was apparent to me in Nessie's face in her nose and cheekbones.

She was clearly the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes upon, and it wasn't simply a mother's pride that made her more beautiful to my eyes alone. Before Nessie was born, I would have claimed Rosalie Hale was the most beautiful person I had ever met, but Nessie easily out shone even Rosalie.

I decided it was time to bring up the subject of Nessie not aging anymore shortly after her ninth birthday. We'd been living like virtual nomads for nine years now, moving from house to house, state to state, and all of us wanted a little more stability in our lives. We wanted to settle down and stay in one place for a while. We all knew we couldn't stay in one place forever, but there were ways we could pretend to age that would let us settle for more than a single year. We could easily stay in one place for eight or ten years or more if we were careful and started out young enough when we moved.

I brought up the subject so we could decide where we wanted to go next to finally settle down for a while. Phil and Renee had just finished watching a movie, and Nessie was sitting back with her laptop writing a paper for one of her college classes. It seemed like an opportune moment to discuss it while we were all together.

"Mom, Phil, there's something I think we need to discuss. Nessie, you might want to hear this too."

"What is it, Bella?" Renee asked.

Nessie closed her lap top to give me her attention, but didn't say anything.

"Well, you all know I've been tracking Nessie's growth and how she's changed since she was born…" There were nods of agreement, and Nessie just rolled her eyes at me. She hated the tests, but allowed me to do them because it gave me some peace of mind to no how fast she was growing and changing. She knew how I worried for her, and going along with the testing helped me to worry less.

"Well, we just celebrated your ninth birthday, and as far as I can tell, you haven't changed at all since you were seven, Nessie. Not so much as a fraction of an inch. I think it's safe to assume that you've effectively stopped growing and changing. There hasn't been any detectable change in your features in that time, either, so I would be willing to bet that you've stopped aging as well."

"Really? This is it?" Nessie exclaimed, horrified. "I'm stuck as a teenager for the rest of my life? I was hoping for at least twenty something! I look younger than you do!"

"You know, a lot of women would be overjoyed to know they were going to be young and beautiful and seventeen forever…" Phil quipped.

"Fine, they can go live with fucking Peter Pan in Never Never Land then. I'd at least like to be able to walk into a bar or night club or casino without having everyone that sees me think I snuck in with a fake ID or I'm looking for my parents!"

"I'm sorry, Nessie… I know this can be a little difficult, but you get used to it…" I said. I'd been dealing with it for nine years too, but I didn't think it was such a big deal.

"Are you sure I haven't changed at all in a year? Maybe I'll mature and season a little over time… I don't have to grow to do that, do I?"

"Sure, baby… Maybe that's what'll happen…" She was in denial, but I'd give her some time to adjust to the news. It was another one of those things that was just going to take time.

"Well, I think this is wonderful news, Nessie," mom said. She reached over and squeezed Nessie's hand, and she looked up at Renee and gave her a weak smile.

"Umm… I didn't actually bring this up to upset you, but there's something we need to consider. Now that Nessie isn't aging or changing anymore, we can finally settle down in one place for a while. I realize we've been on the move a lot over the last eight years, but we can finally have a real home someplace if we want too."

"Why don't we just stay here then?" Nessie asked. "We're already moved in and everything. Why pick up and leave again just so we can settle in someplace new again?"

"We could probably get away with living here for another couple of years if you wanted too, but we already have back stories here. Besides, this town is too small, and it's too far away from everything. I'd like to be closer to a big city and a university when we pick a place to put down some roots. This was ok when we knew it was temporary, but it isn't where I want to live for a while."

"I agree with Bella." Renee said. "If we're settling down, I want a town big enough where I can open a store. I want to go back to work, and I have enough experience with check cashing companies to open my own business. We could use it to deal with some of our cash flow problems too."

"I'd like to move someplace that has a professional sports team, and someplace where the weather lets us go out in the daytime more. I get the vampire thing, and staying out of the sun, but half the games I want to cover are played in the afternoon and not enough of them are in domed stadiums."

"Fine, so I guess that means we're moving again." Nessie said. "At least it isn't because of me this time."

She opened up her laptop again and went to a web browser page and opened a map.

"Ok, so someplace with lousy weather so the three of you can go outside in the daytime. That's gonna put us someplace fairly far north, and most likely on one of the coasts unless you want to move to Canada…"

"I'd prefer to stay in the United States," I said.

"Ok. East coat or west coast?" Nessie asked.

"I'm kind of nostalgic I suppose, but I grew up out west. I'm not really in a mood to try and settle into something completely new. If we're settling down for a number of years, I vote west coast. I've had enough of the Midwest to suit me. Besides, I'm sick of snow in the winter time, and we wouldn't have to deal with that on the west coast."

Renee and Phil both nodded too, "West coast," they said together almost in sync.

"Ok, so Pacific Northwest it is…"

"Just stay off the Olympic Peninsula. I have no intention of going back to Forks," Renee said.

"And I'd prefer to avoid Port Angeles and Sequim." I chimed in. "I don't want to have to take the ferry to get to civilization."

"Ok, Tacoma or Seattle?" Nessie asked.

"Seattle. It starts to dry out too much if we go that far south. There are more overcast days if we stay north of the city."

"Ok, Medium sized city. North of Seattle. Not on an island or the peninsula so you don't need to take a ferry to get there. Preferably south of the Canadian border."

Nessie was zoomed in on the region on the map, looking at towns north of Seattle.

"Ok, how about Mount Vernon Washington? It's a medium sized town in northern Washington with a Population of 31,743. Its north of Seattle but it's not really part of the Seattle metropolitan area. It's close to Canadian border, so it should have sufficiently crappy weather for the three of you, but it's still in the good ol' USA."

"Sounds good to me. Mom, Phil? What do you think?"

"I like it." Phil said. "I can go to Mariner's and Seahawk games in Seattle, and I won't have to be on the road for days, and it's not too terribly far if I want to run down to Oakland or San Francisco to cover a game down there."

"If everyone is decided," Renee said, "I'm going to start looking into commercial real estate to see about opening a store there."

"That's fine, mom. I guess it's decided then. Go ahead and see what you can dig up on real estate, Nessie, and then you should probably call Gary Powell to see about rolling back the ages on our everyday ID's. I'm comfortable with this identity. I don't think we need to change our names this time."

"Ok. You want to be younger? Why would you want to do that?"

"We can still keep some ID's with older ages on them for when we go out, but the younger we start off in a new place, the longer we can stay there."

"We're really going to do this, aren't we? Ok, I guess if we're going to do it, we might as well go all the way…"

-O-

We'd finally made the move to the Mount Vernon house in June.

Mom and Phil had made a couple of trips out to look at commercial real estate, and had leased a store front shop in a building downtown on the corner of East College Way and Riverside Drive. There was a pawn shop across the street and a Tae Kwon Do Academy up Riverside Drive. There was a health club on the same block, so I knew Nessie would be happy and have someplace to work on her martial arts and have a gym to go to so she could work out and exercise.

Mom opened her check cashing store and payday loan company. We had to have Gary Powell smooth over some of the red tape and help with the licenses, but she was up and running and happy as a clam. It was a good business for us because it let us deposit a lot of cash into the bank. We could make up bogus clients and collect their loans, and eat away at our cash reserve to get it back into the system to use for investing in other ventures.

We let the word out that we were willing to offer private loans under the table and outside the system. We didn't really consider it loan sharking. We didn't charge exorbitant interest rates, and were competitive with legitimate loans from more traditional lending institutions. We made loans to people that couldn't qualify for those loans, or needed capitol for clandestine business affairs and deals. We were careful to check out any potential clients so we didn't end up financing criminal activity, but it was a creative and lucrative use of having too much cash lying around.

Of course, I helped with the collections when we had a problem with a client missing payments or failing to meet their commitments.

Otherwise, I wasn't really sure what I was going to do to pass the time. I'd recently finished my PhD in criminology, and I'd been asked to consult on some cases in the Seattle area. I'd been lying low for more than a couple of years now after the Chicago job. Maybe it was time to hunt down some serious bad guys again. I'd never really stopped, but I hadn't been going after big fish since Chicago. Gary fed me enough jobs to keep me busy with body guard contracts and bounty hunting to keep me happy, but Nessie was chomping at the bit to sink her teeth into a serious job again. I knew she was bored with the petty criminals we took down together.

We settled into a routine that summer while Renee got her business going and Phil drove to Seattle to go to ball games. Nessie and I helped out in the check cashing and payday loan store. I was a little surprised that Nessie set up her martial arts classes and work out program for late afternoon and early evening, but I didn't argue. I let Nessie drag me to the mall to go shopping, and I bought clothes to fit the role I was playing as a teenager. It was kind of liberating and a little refreshing to act like a kid again and not have so many responsibilities.

We had moved into our new house outside Mount Vernon to the east of town on the edge of the forest. Renee's business was doing surprisingly well, but it didn't really matter because we had plenty of cash to funnel through the business. She could have had no customers at all, and we still would have shown record profits. Everything seemed to be going great until about the middle of August.

I still checked the mail and made it a habit of going down to the mailbox out on the highway to get the mail each day. It was something I had been doing for years, ever since we'd lived in the cabin in Hill City. Today was just an ordinary day like any other. It wasn't raining, but there was a high overcast that blocked out the sun and diffused the morning light.

I was walking up the driveway, sorting through the letters, dividing the stack into groups to hand them out when I got inside.

One letter confused me. It was addressed to 'The Parents of Isabella and Vanessa Brandon'. I looked at the return address to see who the letter was from, and I felt an icy chill run down my spine. I was Nessie's mom, so technically the letter was addressed to me. I ripped it open and scanned the contents, and then sprinted into the house. I'm surprised I didn't rip the front door off the hinges I was so mad!

"ELIZABETH RENESMEE SWAN! Get down here this second, young lady!" I roared when I got to the base of the stairs.

I saw Nessie poke her head out of her room, startled, and then quickly ducked back inside. Phil and Renee came running in from the kitchen.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Renee asked as she looked around to make sure everything was alright.

"In a minute, mom." Then I turned and yelled up the stairs again. "Nessie! Front and center now, Miss!"

Nessie peeked out again sheepishly, and then slowly slunk down the stairs to stand in front of me. She stayed out of arms reach and gave me some space, and it looked like she was ready to bolt any second if I tried anything. I realized I was literally seething with anger, and took a deep breath to try and calm down and get a hold of myself. Nessie seemed to relax a little as I fought to control myself.

"Would you care to explain why there is a letter addressed to 'The Parents of Isabella and Vanessa Brandon' from the Mount Vernon school district in my mail box, miss?" I waved the letter in front of her face.

"Mom, are you reading grandma and grandpa's mail? You know, tampering with mail delivery is a federal crime…"

"Don't play coy with me Miss! You know exactly what this is, and besides I'm your mother, so it's addressed to me too! What the hell did you do, Nessie?"

"I enrolled us in high school. I called Gary Powell and had him send in partial copies of our high school transcripts so we can start at the beginning of the new school year, next week on Monday."

"What?"

"You said the younger we started in a new place the longer we could stay. You always said the only reason you didn't send me to school was because I changed too fast and I'd stand out. Well guess what, I don't change anymore, so I can go to school now. I want to try it, and you never got to finish. I want to go to school and see what it's like."

"Fine, you can go to school, but why do I have to go with you? I finished high school! I've got a doctorate in Criminology for gods' sake!"

"You didn't finish high school; you tested out because you were eighteen. You should have to do it the right way. I'm doing this for your own good, you'll thank me for this some day. That's what you told me when you made me do home school, even though I could have tested out. Besides, if I go and you don't, people will ask questions."

"We can tell them I'm home schooled or older than you…"

"Stop making excuses, mom. We've already been telling people that you're a year older than me, and I've been telling everyone we're starting school next week. Why did you think I signed up for evening sessions at the martial arts academy and the health club?"

"Nessie…! I don't want to go back to high school again! It was bad enough the first time!"

"Don't worry, it'll be fun, and we can do it together. Besides, it should be easy for you this time. We start our junior year at Mt. Vernon high school next Monday. We're in the same grade. You had to take a year off because you were recovering from an accident."

"Damn it, Nessie! You had no right to do this without asking me first!"

"I think it's a good idea, Bella." Renee said.

"What?" I exclaimed, turning to stare at her open mouthed.

"I think you should finish high school the right way. There were a lot of experiences you missed out on and it will help us to fit in easier. It's like when you told Nessie she should call us her parents instead of her grandparents. If she's going to school, and she's playing your sister, then you should go to school too so you fit in."

"I can't believe you guy's are doing this to me! What did I ever do to deserve this?"

Nessie opened her mouth to answer, but I cut her off. "Don't even think about it, Miss, if you're about to say what I think you're going to say!"

"Fine, but you're the one that's always preaching safe sex to me. Look, it's only for two years. Then maybe we can go off to college, and share a dorm room together or something. I know you've always hated the fact that you missed out on the college experience. At least give this a chance, and if all the kids are mean to you and tease you, then you can drop out and be home schooled."

"Ha ha, very funny. Just exactly which high school experiences do you feel I missed out on and should take this opportunity to try this time around?"

"How about your junior and senior prom, or winter formal? Homecoming should be coming up in October. There's always graduation, and walking across the stage to get your diploma. Maybe you can join some clubs or try out for the school play. You can have some fun with this you know. You've been providing for us for the last nine years. Take a break and be a kid again for a while."

"I've walked across a stage and gotten a diploma, and I went to my junior prom. Besides, you know I don't dance, and I'd have to have a date to go to any of those events, like that's going to happen. A play might be fun, but I can do that in a community theatre group. I don't need to go to school to do that."

"What's wrong with dating? Who knows, maybe you'll find somebody you like…"

"Don't even go there, Nessie. It isn't going to happen, so just drop it."

"Is this about Garrett? You haven't even thought about trying to date or go out with anyone since he left. I've got his PO Box number. I can drop him a line and tell him to come visit…"

"No… Don't do that. Garrett and I are friends, but it's not like that…"

"Fine… Whatever… So are you going to school with me on Monday, or are you going to difficult about this?"

"You really want me to do this, don't you?"

"Please, mom? We'll have fun, you'll see…"

I sighed. "Fine… I'll do it, but I'm not giving up my work, neither the consulting nor the security work." I turned to Renee. "You'll have to call me in if I need to be away and miss school. I'll leave it up to the two of you to come up with excuses when we need them. I don't care what they say about school being important. This is a cover, and it comes second to my career."

"Thanks, mom. Umm… did you actually read the letter, or did you just come running in her to bite my head off?"

"No… I didn't actually read all of it. I knew what was going on as soon as I saw it. Why, is it important?"

"Well, I'd say a letter to the parents of two new students transferring into the school district would be pretty important. May I look at it?"

I handed the letter to Nessie and she flattened it out so she could read it. Her eyes rapidly scanned the page, and then she looked up.

"It's a schedule for registration and the fee schedule so we're prepared when we go to the school to register. We've been enrolled, but we need to go to the school to fill out some paperwork and pick up our class schedules. Students with names beginning with A, B, C, & D can go starting today. You'll need to go with us, Grandma. They need you to sign some papers and pay our book fees.

"Parking permits are $60, and you have to provide your driver's license, proof of insurance, and registration to buy a parking permit. They're numbered based on the number of parking spaces in the student parking lots and they're issued on a first come first served basis. They've been divided up between each of the registration sessions. Any remaining parking permits will be issued on basis of a lottery.

"You can also purchase an Associated Student Body (ASB) card for $35. It gets you into all of the home games, sporting events and plays for free. It's required to attend school dances, and you have to have one to join any clubs, run for school offices or the student senate.

"Ok," mom said. "Well, I guess I need to get my girls signed up for school today. What time does registration open, Nessie?"

"There'll be people in the lobby at the school from two o'clock until five for registration today."

"They'll be there from two to five, and there only doing A through D today? How many kids go to this school?" I asked.

"When I looked it up online, they didn't give an exact number but there are a little more that seventeen hundred kids. This year, they're expecting three hundred eighty seven seniors and four hundred thirty four juniors, give or take a couple."

"Wow. That's a lot more than Forks high school. There were only three hundred and sixty eight kids in the whole school when I went there. That's smaller than just our class. This sounds a lot like the school I went to in Phoenix before I moved to Forks."

"Well, regardless, school is school." Renee said. "Phil, can you run the shop this afternoon, and I'll go get the girls signed up for school."

"Sure, Renee, I can handle that." Phil answered.

"We should go early to make sure we can get a parking permit for your car, Bella. Will we need a parking permit for your motorcycle too, Nessie?"

"I'll ask when we go today. It would seem selfish to buy two permits if we ride together most of the time. Maybe we can register both vehicles on one permit."

"Ok, well we better get going. We need to open the store in twenty minutes. Are you coming with us now, Phil, or will you come down later?"

"I want to finish going through those pictures from the game the other day. I'll be down before two, ok?"

Renee nodded and kissed him goodbye, and we left for the store.

I vaguely remembered registering for school years ago in Phoenix. It hadn't been necessary in Forks. The lobby in the new main school building was crowded with students and parents in a loosely organized chaos. We entered the queue and worked our way to the front of the line, collecting a stack of forms as we went.

The lady at the table asked our names, and then produced a sheet of paper each for Nessie and me out of the stack in front of her. They each had our class schedules on them, and then she directed us to have a seat to fill out the forms we'd collected. Once our paperwork was ready we had to get in another line to have them processed. We'd pay our fees after we turned in the forms.

Renee led us away and found a space at one of the many tables that were setup to begin filling out the paperwork. It was all pretty basic information. Emergency contact information, basic medical history to make sure we weren't allergic to anything, the schools electronic information policy that we had to sign to be able to use the schools computers. There was a form to apply for free or reduced cost lunches which we skipped, a form to list our medical insurance coverage, and a form to fill out to apply for a parking permit. It didn't take long to fill out the paperwork, and then we were back in line to turn the paperwork in.

I'd been looking over my schedule while we stood in line and it didn't make sense to me. There were too many classes, and it had lunch listed twice. How was I going to manage to go to eight class periods, have lunch twice and still get out at two o'clock in the afternoon? I turned to Nessie and asked her what was going on. I'd never seen a class schedule like this before.

"Hey, Nessie, what's going on with this class schedule? We have eight classes, but we get out at two o'clock? How does that work?"

"You don't go to all of the classes' everyday, Bella. The school's schedule is based on 84-minute periods and a 4-period block schedule. You go to periods 1–4 on Green Days and periods 5–8 on White Days, the next day. School starts at seven thirty and gets out at two o'clock. There are three lunch time slots, but we're in lunch C from twelve to twelve thirty. On Green days, that's between third and fourth period, and between seventh and eighth period on White Days."

"What, so we only have four classes each day, but the periods are longer?"

"Yep. That's how they work it here. It lets you take more classes each semester so you can take more electives."

"Ok… so let me see your schedule. Are we in any of the same classes?"

"Umm… Our schedules are exactly the same, Bella. I hope you don't mind, but we're together in all of our classes."

"Really? That's kind of cool. At least I'll know somebody in all of my classes."

I looked over my schedule again after she explained how it worked. I had Computer Technology / Communications, Gym, Pre-Calculus and Forensic Science 1 for periods 1–4 on Green Days, and AP English, Art, Spanish and US History II for periods 5–8 on White Days.

I got Computer Technology / Communications class. That was Nessie's thing that she was into, and to be honest, I liked it too; despite the fact I didn't put as much effort into it as she did. She could probably teach that class, so it was an easy A for her. The science class through me for a loop though. How the hell had she managed that? This was high school for gods' sake. How many high schools offered forensic science as a part of their curriculum?

"Hey, Nessie, this is high school, right? Forensic Science 1 for science class? How is that even possible?"

"I thought you might enjoy that. Honestly I don't know. I was browsing through the course catalog, and they offered it, so I got us into the class. It seemed like something you'd like. It was either that or AP Biology. You can add or drop classes for the first three days if there's something else you'd rather take instead…"

"No, no… I like it. It just seems like a class you'd take in college instead of high school. It sounds like fun."

"Good. Maybe this won't be as bad as you thought it would be."

I sighed "We'll see. We still have to take gym class…"

"Honestly, Bella how difficult is gym going to be? I can see where it might be a little tough to have to hold back and tone it down, but you aren't clumsy anymore like those stories you told me. This will be ok, alright?"

"Fine, but if I kill somebody and we have to run for it, it's your fault."

"Girls, that's enough," Renee said, looking around to see if anyone had overheard my comment. "We're almost to the front of the line. You can discuss that at home."

I hung my head a little sheepishly and glanced around the room. She was right. I was going to have to be more careful. We wanted to fit in here, and it wasn't like we could just drop everything and move. We were trying to build a home here and become part of the community. Talking about killing people wouldn't win us any brownie points. Luckily it didn't look like anyone had caught my slip.

We finally got to the table at the front of the line and one of the ladies started processing our paperwork. We both ordered ASB cards. They gave us temporary ones for now, but the permanent card would be distributed after picture day, and would have our pictures on them. There were more forms to sign including an acceptable use of electronic devices contract. Basically it said we wouldn't use cell phones, MP3 players, pagers, e-readers, laptops, etc during class unless it was authorized by the teacher.

Finally we got around to discussing parking permits. We were still early enough that we could either buy two parking permits, one for each vehicle, or we could get one and register both vehicles on it. The catch was that if we only got one permit, we could only have one vehicle parked on campus at a time. Then Nessie mentioned that the second vehicle was a motorcycle. That changed everything.

There was separate parking for motorcycles and scooters, and she'd need a separate motorcycle parking permit regardless for her bike to park it in the motorcycle parking. We ended up buying two parking permits after all, but it wasn't like we were reserving two parking places when we'd still probably ride together most of the time.

Renee paid our fees and we received the parking permits that day. We'd have to display it to park on campus, or we could get a ticket, and the school could have our vehicle towed.

I drove us back to the store, and Nessie went off to her martial arts class.

"You know it's not going to be that bad, Bella." Renee said as she sat there watching me brood.

"Sure, you can sit there and say that, but you're not the one that has to do this. God, I can't believe I'm actually going to have to sit through high school again for two years! How could you let her get away with this, mom? Why am I letting her get away with this?"

"You know, most people dream about being able to go back to high school and do it over again. You can make this a positive experience. It doesn't have to be bad."

"People wish they could go back to the same high school to repeat the experience with the same people they went with the first time so they can undo their mistakes. There's no time machine involved here. This is a completely new group of people, except I'm going to have to pretend to be a teenager. I'm not a teenager any more. It's been nearly ten years since I went to high school. I'm going to be twenty-eight for gods' sake! I'm as old as half of the teachers!"

"You never were a teenager, dear, just like Nessie was never a little girl, although she excels at being a teenager. I swear you were born middle aged, but you've been loosening up quite a bit over the years. Nessie has helped a lot with that. Motherhood was good for you."

"Thanks, mom."

"Nessie's getting better too, but she still lacks maturity, Bella. Maybe by the time she really is a teenager she'll get there. She lacks humanity. She's the way she is because she doesn't connect with humans. We've had to keep her apart from humans so much while she was growing up..."

"You know why we did what we did. We had to keep her away from people…"

"I know, I get it, but now she needs your help. That time we spent in New York when she had human friends helped a lot. When I had my… accident… I saw how it hurt her, but it made her realize that human life has value. Then she pulled away after the accident and started excluding humans from her life again. It's a defense mechanism to prevent herself from being hurt like that again. I don't want her to be hurt, but she needs to be around people. That's why I encouraged her to do this. I think high school will be good for her if she makes friends and connects with humans. It gives her a reason to see them as people, and not simply prey."

"I know that, mom… Nessie and I have talked about it…"

"Then you know why this is so important. It isn't just about fitting in… It's about her growing up and connecting with the human race. Ultimately it comes down to how she's going to live her life. I know we're all immortal, but you have to realize she probably won't be with us forever. At some point, she's going to want her independence, even if it's just for a while so she can try out being on her own. I know we set an example for her, but she's going to have to make the decision whether or not she follows our lifestyle or not when she's on her own."

"Mom… I don't know… I've never been good with people…"

"You've got to think of Nessie, Bella, and the lives you might be saving down the road. You've got to help her to connect with the kids at school and make friends. She needs that human connection to learn about her humanity. She denies it and claims she doesn't have any, but I know she does. You can't hide in the corner and play shy. You're going to have to step up and be a little more outgoing for Nessie's sake."

I nodded to agree with her, and then there were customers in the shop and we couldn't talk. I spent the rest of the week helping mom in her shop and getting ready for the beginning of the school year.

Of course we were both up on the morning before school started. I didn't sleep, and Nessie had taken her habitual cat nap earlier the evening before. I was undecided about what to wear for the first day of school. The last time I gone to high school, I'd been able to get away with jeans, a t-shirt, my sneakers and a hoodie. I taken a rain jacket then, but the layout here was much more sensible, and travel between buildings would be minimal.

Somehow, I had a feeling that Nessie wasn't going to let me get off that easy. I still wore jeans, but they were skin tight designer jeans now. Apparently the t-shirt was out, and Nessie had picked out some kind of designer silk top that was kind of like a fitted t-shirt, but met with her approval. Sneakers were out too, but I didn't mind. I wore my black ankle booties with the three inch spike heels and I was happy. Nessie walked into the room as I was reaching for my leather jacket.

"Hold it right there, mom!" Nessie exclaimed.

"What? I asked her innocently. "I'm almost ready. We won't be late."

"Give me the piece," she said as she held out her hand. "And lose the holster too."

"Nessie! I just don't feel comfortable without it…"

"Mom, you are not going to walk onto campus on the first day of school with a 9mm pistol stuck under your jacket! You saw the metal detectors when we went to registration. You walk in there carrying a piece, and they'll expel you on the spot for a year minimum. Before they call the police."

"I have a carry permit…"

"You're not taking it to school, and that's final."

"Fine," I said and handed her the pistol. I had a backup in the glove box in the car. That was ok for now.

"Is that what you're wearing to school?" I asked.

"Yeah… What's wrong with it?"

"This is public high school, Nessie. Don't you think the Louis Vuitton pumps are a little over the top?"

"They're last year's collection! You're complaining about these old things? Really?"

"If I can't take my pistol, you lose the $1700 dollar shoes, and we'll call it even."

"Fine, I'll go change. Is Prada ok?"

"Public school, Nessie. How about Walmart?"

"God! Let me see what I can dig out of my closet. Lose the shoulder holster, and if you set off the metal detectors, I'm not talking to you until your suspension is over!"

She walked out of the room and I shrugged out of the holster before I put on my jacket. I did feel strangely naked without it, but I knew there wasn't anything in public school that I couldn't handle on my own. It was just easier to intimidate humans with a gun. I didn't want to have to kill anybody at school. It would be a pain to cover up, and I really didn't want to have to move so soon. I wasn't about to let anything drive me out of my home if I could help it.

Nessie and I left early Monday morning on August twenty-third for the first day of school. There were already quite a few cars in the parking lot when we go there, but I knew we'd have a parking place. How early we got there would simply determine how far we had to walk to get into the school.

My Audi S4 was one of the nicer cars in the parking lot, but it wasn't the only fancy car. I knew I was subconsciously searching for a silver Volvo or a red BMW M3 convertible, but I didn't see either one. Probably the nicest car in the parking lot besides mine was a bright yellow Porsche 911 Turbo.

We were still early enough that we were able to park relatively close to the school, and we got out to walk through the light early morning drizzle into the school.

"God, why did we have to move someplace where it rains all the time?" Nessie complained "Even when it isn't raining, it's always wet and overcast."

"I'm all for moving." I joked. "We could go someplace where its sunny everyday, and then I could stay home and you could do this by yourself."

"Ha ha. No way, Bella, I want to do this together. I can deal with the rain as long as we can go to the same school."

I did a double take, and almost tripped when we stepped through the doors. It would be just my luck to finally return to high school only to suddenly be just as clumsy as I was as a human. My senses we're immediately assaulted by a scent I was intimately familiar with when I stepped through the doors. There were vampires in the school, and more than one. I could make out both male and female scents, but I couldn't tell how many.

Jesus Christ! Were there vampires in every high school in America? Had there been vampires at the school in phoenix, but I was just too naive to realize it at the time?

I quickly scanned the lobby, but nobody stood out to my senses. Everyone I saw was human, and probably more than half of them were staring at Nessie and me. I glanced at her with an alarmed expression, and she reached for my hand. I got her impression of the scents, but they were just like mine. She'd smelled it too, but hadn't seen anything I hadn't already seen.

I gripped her hand and pulled her out of the doorway as we stepped into the lobby.

"Everything's going to be alright, Nes. Let's just go find our locker, and see what happens. If they're in the school, they probably aren't going to try anything here, and the last one we met was ok. Let's just play this by ear and see what happens."

Are you sure, Bella?" Nessie asked nervously.

"It'll be ok. You look almost as old as me, so you're old enough, and anyone that knows what we are will think you're like me. Your scent is almost the same as mine, and they'd have to be standing next to you to hear your heartbeat. The only things that stand out are your eyes, your body temperature and your coloring, but all of that can be faked or the result of a gift."

Nessie seemed to relax and walked beside me. "Fine, but keep your ears open and let's see if we can figure anything out. C'mon, let's go."

Nessie let go of my hand and we started into the school looking for the locker that was listed on our schedules. With more than seventeen hundred students, there weren't enough lockers to go around, so Nessie and I shared a locker. We'd paid a fee for a combination lock, and had been given the combination at registration. We didn't have a lot to put in it now until we got our books, but we wanted to find out where it was so we could drop off some things and know where it was later to put books in it.

The campus consisted of 'Old Main', the original high school building that had been built back in the nineteen twenties. It was a huge imposing three story brick structure that sat on the top of a hill overlooking the rest of the campus. 'New Main' was a more modern three story brick building that had been built back in the nineteen seventies. There was a separate Auditorium that was nineteen twenties vintage and contained a stage, permanent auditorium seating along with classrooms for drama, performing arts, humanities and music and band classes. There was a separate art building where all of the arts and practical classes were held. The school also had a separate planetarium and of course the athletic facilities.

There was a modern gymnasium and an attached field house that had an indoor running track and was laid out to play sports indoors when the weather was too bad outside. The outdoor facilities included a football field with covered bleacher to keep the rain off, and of course it was surrounded with an eight lane track loop. There was a separate baseball diamond north of the football field, and there were eight full court tennis courts south of the football field.

There were other buildings for shop classes and maintenance and storage, but most of those were off limits.

Our locker was in New Main on the second floor, but we were already in new main when we entered through the lobby. We made our way into the halls and started for the stairs up to the second floor. The scent was still strong, as though we were tracking them, but it started to fade as we walked down the second floor hallway. Apparently they hadn't come down here.

The conversations were interesting as we searched for our locker. I could tell when they were talking about us.

"_God, more of them? These new girls are seriously cute…_"

"_The other ones looked like they were together… I wonder if these two are single…?_"

"_Girls that pretty are always stuck up…_"

"_Seriously? She's wearing Jimmy Choo pumps to high school? And she gorgeous too… This is so unfair…_"

"_Jesus, how are we supposed to get a date with them going to school here…?_"

"_Is that the same new girl? Did she change her clothes…?_"

From what I'd heard, I had to assume that people had seen the other vampires at school and they were students too, but I still didn't know how many there were. The scent trails were mixed and jumbled from all of the humans moving around. All I really knew was there were male and female scents, but apparently they thought they were a couple. At least I wouldn't have to worry about relationship issues, and apparently one of them looked enough like one of us that people confused our appearance. Curious, very curious indeed.

We found our locker and opened it just to make sure we had the right combination. Nessie dropped of some extra pens and pencils and supplies so we'd have some if we needed them. We both left our gym clothes and shoes in the locker so we wouldn't have to lug them to class with us, and then she closed the locker and we went to our Computer Technology/Communications class. We didn't have any problem finding the classroom and walked in to find seats.

My natural reaction to this kind of situation would normally be to try and avoid attention as much as possible. My first instinct was to take a seat in the back of the room, but I wasn't here to avoid attention. Renee wanted me to help Nessie socialize and meet people, and we weren't going to do that hiding in the back of the room. I took the lead when we walked in and found us a couple of seats together in the middle of the class.

The classroom was setup with a couple of rows of large tables, and there were computer terminals setup in front of each seat with an LED flat screen monitor and a keyboard and mouse. The tower boxes were under the tables on small platforms.

We were there early, and other students started filing into the room to find seats. Despite my attempt at trying to be social, people still avoided us and the tables around us filled up while the seats next to us on either side remained empty.

There were a couple of girls at the next table by me, but they'd left an empty seat between us, and obviously were too intimidated to talk to us, but felt it was ok to talk about us as they stared and then shared quiet comments. They hadn't said anything too bad, and were basically just curious about us. They knew we were new here this year.

The girl in the far seat was pretty for a human. She had crystal blue eyes and long blond hair pulled up into a high pony tail. She was wearing jeans and sneakers and a green and white hoodie with a 'Bulldogs' logo printed on the front. I gathered her name was Cathy from their conversation.

The girl sitting between us was attractive with brown eyes and curly light brown hair that hung past her shoulders. She was dressed nicely in jeans and a v-necked sweater. Cathy called her Sheila, and she seemed to control the conversation, asking rather direct questions, and sharing stories about what she'd heard from other people, passing along their rumors and gossip as well.

Two boys came rushing in at the last minute before the bell, and they had to take the two seats on either side of Nessie and me.

The boy that sat between me and Sheila looked like a jock. He was tall and muscular. He had blond hair gelled into a careful disarray and blue eyes. He was wearing jeans and running shoes, and a green and white letterman jacket with 'Bulldog Football' across the back and Isaacson embroidered across the left breast. Sheila greeted him as Dean when he sat down between us.

He greeted Sheila perfunctorily, and then turned to introduce himself to me.

"Hi, you must be new here this year." He held out his hand and said, "I'm Dean Isaacson."

I took his hand firmly and shook it. "I'm Bella Brandon, and this is my sister Nessie," I said nodding beside me, but she wasn't paying attention as she greeted the boy sitting beside her.

Apparently the other boy had already introduced himself as well. I caught his name as Justin Slattery. He appeared to be of mixed Asian descent with shiny black hair, brown eyes with glasses, and poor complexion. He'd looked tall when he rushed in and I say he was at least 6'3", but he struck me as the overly-helpful, geeky, chess club type that seemed perfectly at ease in a computer technology class.

The teacher was calling the class to order, and I focused my attention on the front of the classroom. I felt like I was suffering from a major case of déjà vu as I sat in that classroom and met the kids sitting beside me. It was almost like I had gone to school with these kids before, but the names had been changed to make the experience fresh and new.

Mr. Oliver introduced himself and started going over the syllabus to explain what we'd be doing this year. Everyone was already expected to be familiar with how to use a computer and do the basics like use a word processor to write a paper or make a PowerPoint presentation. We'd be going beyond the basics to learn how to create and publish HTML web pages, capture, record and edit videos and movies, and use more advanced software and techniques to create more advanced presentations for webex meetings and video conferencing. It sounded like fun, and I was sure I'd probably learn a thing or two. Nessie would be right at home in this class, and could probably demonstrate some advanced techniques the teacher had never tried before.

We spent most of the class setting up accounts on the computers, and entering passwords to access the software we were going to need to use for this class. We spent some time becoming familiar with the security protocols that allowed us to set up personal folders on the schools servers to store our work, and then the teacher encouraged us to get to know the other people in the class. Apparently much of our work and grading would be based on group projects, and we were encouraged to create our own groups, or if we were too shy to do that, the teacher would assign us to groups. We had a couple of weeks to meet people and decide who to work with, so we had time to get to know people first.

Dean seemed talkative and friendly, and wanted to find out more about me. He didn't seem intimidated by my looks, and I was really trying hard to tone down my predatory vibe and be friendly to meet people. Nessie was wrapped up in a technical discussion with Justin that I had difficulty following as they talked the intricacies of computers and technology.

I guess Sheila had gotten over her initial shyness, and was pestering Dean to introduce us now.

"Bella, this is Shelia Decker. Sheila, this is Bella Brandon." Dean said, finally giving in to her.

Sheila reached across to shake my hand, and Dean was forced to slide his chair back to keep her from climbing onto his lap.

"Hi, Bella, It's nice to meet you. So, you're new here this year? Where did you move from? Have you been in town long?"

Well, I guess it was back story time, but at least we could pretty much tell the truth. Sheila struck me as the type of girl that would make sure everybody in school had heard our story before the end of the day.

"Hi Sheila, yeah, we moved here this summer from Sioux City, Iowa."

"Really? What brought you out here to Washington of all places? Isn't it sunny all the time out there? This has to be a big change for you."

"Yeah, the weather is different out there. It's still in the ninety's out there right now, but the humidity get's really bad where it's hard to even breath and feels even hotter. Then in a couple of months, that'll swing to the other extreme, and they'll have snow three feet deep in town."

"Oh wow! That is different. The weather stays the same pretty much year round out here. It gets colder in winter, and we might have snow for a day or two, but it hardly sticks to the ground. I'm confused about the humidity though. Isn't it humid out here too?"

"No, this is completely different. Out here it's just moisture in the air and everything's just wet, even the air. Out in the Midwest, the humidity is much more oppressive. The air has I higher moisture content because it's hotter and hot air holds more moisture. Here it's more like droplets of water hanging in the air like fog or drizzle."

"Ok… You never said why you guys moved out here. Do you have family out here?"

I wasn't about to tell her about Charlie, but we'd anticipated this question. "Not really, not anymore. My mom grew up out here when she was little, but her parents are gone now. My parents opened a business in town, and they decided they wanted to get back to their roots if we were going to settle down."

"Really? What kind of business did they open?"

"My mom owns the new payday loan and check cashing store on College Avenue."

"Oh… that's her store? Why did she decide to open a store like that here?" Sheila didn't seem too pleased about it.

"She's worked for those companies for years now, and used to manage a branch store for one of the big chains. She knows the business, and decided to go out independent when we moved. You don't seem to like that."

"I don't know, personally… I don't see why it's a problem, but my mom works at the bank down town. She was ranting about that store opening this summer… I guess she doesn't like them…"

"Oh… Well, we just offer a service. We don't force people to come use it."

"I know… I don't care one way or the other, personally." She decided to change the subject and move on. "So that's your sister sitting next to you? You don't look like twins. Are you older than her?"

"Yeah, I'm eighteen, but we're both juniors this year. I had to miss a year of school last year because I was in an accident at the beginning of the year. I missed the whole year before I was recovered enough to go back to school, so now we're in the same grade."

Dean was getting tired of Sheila monopolizing the conversation and asked the next question.

"So, do you or your sister play any sports?" Cathy seemed to perk up and pay attention to my answer.

"No, not really, I've never participated in any team sports. We like to go hiking and camping a lot when the weather's nice and Nessie's been studying martial arts for years. My step dad used to play minor league baseball, but now he's a freelance sports photographer."

"Oh wow, that's cool. Who'd he play for?"

"The Suns, out in Jacksonville, Florida, but that was a long time ago."

"So I guess he goes to a lot of ball games then. Do you ever go with him?"

"No, not really, I was never into sports that much, but my mom goes with him sometimes. He was kind of excited to be so close to Seattle, and being able to run down to Oakland and San Francisco when he needs to."

We chatted some more, and Sheila introduced me to Cathy Duncan. Sheila and Cathy were both on the cheerleading squad this year, and were part of the 'in crowd' at school. Cathy didn't seem as excited about cheerleading as Sheila. I got the impression that she'd be happier playing the sports instead of cheering for the players. I introduced then to Nessie, and she explained her name was 'really' Vanessa, but she preferred Nessie for short.

Nessie introduced me to her new friend, Justin Slattery. Turns out he was in the chess club and the gaming club, and was an absolute whiz with computers and technology. Cathy, Dean and Sheila just politely nodded to Justin, but I got the direct impression that he wasn't part of their circle of friends.

Class wrapped up and Mr. Oliver distributed sheets that outlined and described our first individual project for the class. We had to make and edit a five minute video about ourselves and then present them to the class. It didn't sound so difficult. There was no textbook for the class, but we were given a website where we could find class related materials. Things changed too fast with computers for them to bother with a textbook.

Cathy and Sheila asked what class I had next, and I told them gym. Cathy, Dean and Sheila were all in our gym class too, but Justin told Nessie goodbye and left in the other direction. Dean offered to walk me to the gym, but I told him I had to go to my locker first. He realized he had to go to his locker too, and hurried off to get his things.

"So are you making friends, Bella?" Nessie teased as we walked toward our locker.

"Maybe… Dean seems nice, but I was never into jocks… You remember what I told you about teenaged boys, right? How about Justin? He seems nice."

"I remember what you told me, Bella. You know, teenaged girls think about the same thing, too. It just not all we think about. Justin is nice. He's a little geeky, but he's kind of cute that way, and he knows almost as much about computers as I do."

We got our gym clothes out of our locker and left our school bags and purses so we could lock them up, and then went to the locker room to dress for PE. There were gym lockers in the girl's locker room, but not enough for everyone to have their own for the year. We brought our own combination locks to put on the lockers while we were in class. I quickly changed into shorts, a sports bra and sneakers for gym class, and pulled my hair up into a ponytail. Nessie was ready when I was and we went out into the gym with the rest of the kids.

It wasn't raining today, although there was a high steel gray overcast and a light drizzle, so the coaches marched us outside for class. We did some calisthenics to warm up, and finished with a couple of laps around the track to cool down. When everyone was finished running, they picked captains and divided us up into teams to play soccer.

I hadn't played soccer in ten years, but I remembered most of the rules. I knew you weren't allowed to touch the ball with your hands, and you had to kick the ball through the net at the end of the field to score a point. I picked up the rest as we played. I actually had fun in a PE class for the first time in my life that I could remember.

Dean and some kid named Josh were picked as captains. Dean picked another guy first for his team. He looked like another football player, and he greeted him as Mason. The captains alternated, and Dean picked me for his team. I was about to ask him to pick Nessie next, but Josh picked her right after me.

It was a good thing I had years and years of practice moving at human speed. The more I could move like a human, the fewer criminals I had to kill. I could let them go if they thought I was human, but if I moved like a vampire, then I couldn't leave witnesses. Nessie didn't have as much practice against criminals, but she'd been holding back in her martial arts classes for years. Still, it was a little more difficult when we were competing against each other. I had to give it up and let her score a couple of times, or risk moving too fast.

The coaches were getting too interested in us as they watched us on the field, and I was going to have to tell her to seriously tone it down, unless she wanted them pestering us to go out for sports. First off we'd never pass a sports physical, at least I wouldn't. I doubted Nessie would either. Besides that, while I had excellent control, there was no way I wanted to be trapped on a bus with a bunch of hormonal teenagers to go to away games. I didn't want to have to hold back and pretend to act human to lose sometimes so I could win the rest of the time. School was one thing, but there was no way I was playing sports beyond what was required for PE.

I heard Dean's friend Mason asking about me, and Cathy introduced us. His name was Mason Carlton, and he played football and wrestled. He was tall and muscular with dark curly brown hair and hazel eyes. He was a natural athlete, and move gracefully for such a big guy. He seemed interested in me, but it was only the first day of school. Sheila seemed to pick up on that, and I realized she had a nose for gossip. I heard her telling Nessie that she wondered what was up with Mason, because he had a girlfriend. I wondered if that was true, or if it was something Sheila thought was true.

Finally the coaches blew their whistles and told us to hit the showers. Nessie came over to walk beside me, and we went into the locker room to shower and change back into our clothes for third period. Then we left to go find our Pre-Calculus class. Nessie and I were the first two done, and hurried out of the locker room while the other girls were drying their hair and fixing their makeup.

"What the hell was that out on the field, Nes?" I asked when we were out of earshot and wouldn't be overheard.

"What, can't keep up with the younger generation, old lady? Face it; I blew your doors off out there."

"We're supposed to be fitting in! I wasn't going to move like I could just to shut you down. Didn't you see how the coaches were watching us? They're going to be after us for weeks to go out for whatever sport is coming up next."

"No way…! High school sports? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, very serious. God, I think girls play volleyball while the boys play football. I wouldn't mind watching some of the games, but there's no way I want to play."

"Shit, I'm sorry, Bella… I didn't even think about it. I'll seriously trip or something Wednesday…"

"Don't try to over act to make up for it. Just act natural but tone it down to human average. Maybe somebody else will shine and take the spotlight off of us."

"Ok…"

"Just remember, if it rains and they have us play volleyball inside the gym, miss every once in a while, and don't be the star player."

We went back to our locker to drop off our gym clothes, and got our things to go to Pre-Calculus. We had to hurry outside and go to Old Main for class. The room was on the third floor, and the scent of vampire was much stronger in this building, but neither of us had seen the other vampires yet.

We walked into the classroom, and the scent was very strong, but we were the first students there. I had the impression that these other vampires had been in this room during an earlier period. The teacher, Mrs. Post, greeted us as we walked in and handed each of us a text book. I followed the same plan as earlier, and found seats in the middle of the room. Hopefully people would be willing to sit by us and wouldn't be too intimidated by our appearance.

I wasn't disappointed this time. A girl and a boy entered the classroom after us and sat down beside me after they got their books. The girl was very tall, almost six feet. She had light brown caramel colored hair shot through with honey colored highlights. She had warm brown eyes and wore glasses. The boy was tall, but a couple of inches shorter than her.

The girl settled into her desk, and then turned to greet me. "Hi, you must be new here. I'm Natalie Spencer, and this is my friend, Gilbert Royce." I noticed Nessie perk up and look when the girl said her name was Natalie.

"Hi, Natalie, I'm Bella Brandon, and this is my sister, Nessie. Hi Gilbert," I waved. "It's nice to meet you." He nodded, but seemed shy.

"Nessie?" Natalie asked, looking at Nessie expectantly, but she didn't press for answers.

"It's short for Vanessa," Nessie said, "but I hate that name. People always think of Vana White from wheel of fortune and make stupid jokes, so I just go with Nessie."

"That's cool," Natalie said. "People always tease me about how tall I am, but I just ignore them. So what do you think of Mount Vernon high school so far?"

"I like it, but it's sure different from the last school I went to." Nessie said. I couldn't argue with that. The last high school she'd gone to was a virtual high school on the internet.

"Yeah, people usually have trouble adjusting to the block schedule. Just wait, people will end up going to the wrong classrooms tomorrow, but I like it."

"This is a really cool way to run high school. It lets you take more electives, and you can fit in more fun classes along with the graduation requirements." Nessie replied.

"Yeah," Gilbert chimed in. "How many high schools offer geology and oceanography, and have their own planetarium?"

The classroom was filling up as we talked, and I noticed Cathy and Sheila come in and take seats behind us. I waved to them and they smiled and waved back. Mrs. Post called the class to order, and got down to business explaining what we needed to know about how she was going to run the class. How she graded, how quizzes and tests would work. What materials we were allowed to use.

She handed out a list of approved calculators that we were allowed for use in the class. We could purchase our own, or the school had a supply of some older used calculators that were available for use in class, or could be checked out to use for homework on a first come first served basis.

Mrs. Post gave us an assessment test to see how much we 'remembered after the summer', and then lectured about the first section of the text book and how to work the equations. She assigned homework which consisted of reading the first section in the textbook, and a block of practice problems.

The class flew by, and it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. I'd had all of this material as a human, so it was floating around in my head somewhere. I'd taken some advanced math classes and statistics classes for my first degree so this wasn't hard for me. Actually I could do most of the math in my head, now, and memorizing the formulas would be easy. It was just a matter of reading and memorizing the text book, and the class would be no problem at all.

Nessie would have no trouble at all with any of this. She'd done all of this already a couple of years ago, and was here mainly because she wanted to experience going to school. She was working on her college degree online, so high school Pre-Calculus was like taking time off to play for her.

The bell rang, and Mrs. Post dismissed the class. Nessie and I collected our things to leave, to go to lunch. We really didn't need to go to our locker, and we just had to cross the courtyard to go to the cafeteria.

"Bella, Nessie, do you two want to sit with me and Gilbert at lunch? We could introduce you to more of our friends if you like."

"Sure, Natalie, That sounds like fun. I'm up for meeting people." Then I turned to Cathy and Sheila. "Would you like to join us too?" I asked.

Cathy seemed apprehensive and turned to Sheila to see what she said, but Natalie spoke up first.

"Well, are you still sitting with us Cathy, or were you planning on sitting someplace else this year?"

"Umm… Sure, Natalie… I'll sit with you and Bella and Nessie." Cathy said, and then looked back at Sheila as though seeking her approval.

"Sure," Sheila said after an obvious pause. "The new girls seem cool. Let's sit with them at lunch."

We left the classroom and walked out into the hall, headed for the stairs. Cathy seemed to give a sigh of relief, and then walked beside Natalie, like they were old friends that were catching up after a while. Natalie held Gilbert's hand as we made our way out of the building and walked as a group out to the courtyard.

There were kids converging on the cafeteria from several directions. It looked like it was a pretty busy place for a good part of the day. We were headed in for the third lunch session of the day since we were in Lunch C. I wasn't really worried about it though.

Nessie and I had discussed how we would handle this. She just told me to go through the line behind her, and get whatever she got. She'd eat enough of it to make it looked like we ate lunch. I was fast enough to swap dishes between our trays, and nobody would ever be the wiser, but it would be easier if the table wasn't too crowded. Especially if nobody paid attention to what we were eating.

We were halfway across the courtyard when the wind shifted and I caught the sudden raw live scent of a group of vampires. I looked up and spotted the group, and then froze dead in my tracks.

They looked at me at almost the same instant as they reacted defensively, and it was only then that I realized the feral growl ripping out of my chest like a swarm of angry bees in reaction to what I saw. I knocked it off but that was all I could do as I stared in shock. I was immediately able to place almost all of the scents with the vampires in front of me.

There were four of them, but I only knew three. After nearly ten years they still looked agonizingly perfect and exactly identical to every memory in my head. The pictures I had didn't do them justice as the beauty and perfection assaulted my senses and tore at the old wounds in my chest.

Jasper Whitlock was walking hand in hand with Alice Cullen when they heard my growl and their eyes fell on Nessie and me. Jasper had pushed Alice behind his body as he tensed, ready to protect her. It was a testament to his control that he didn't drop into a defensive crouch, ready to spring.

I saw all of that, but it wasn't what I looked at. Seeing Jasper and Alice didn't cause my feral growl or the intensely pulsating anger that flashed through my body and made me want to rend and tear and kill.

No, it was the pair of vampires behind Jasper and Alice.

Looking at the female was like looking into a mirror. She appeared to be seventeen or eighteen years old. She had my ivory white pale skin. She was the same height as me. Her hair was the same mahogany brown with reddish highlights. Her eyes were the same golden topaz mine had been this morning, although I was certain mine were deep pools of black right now.

But she had one thing I didn't have.

Edward Cullen had his arm around her waist.

They had been walking behind Alice and Jasper as they walked into the cafeteria laughing at some joke.

The girl was initially confused, and then she was growling back at me.

Edward was startled at first, and then he held up his hand to the girl, indicating that she should back off and stop.

I felt something gently washing over me, like peaceful water lapping at a shore but in my head. Like some gentle force was pushing at me, but it had no other effect. I noticed the humans around me suddenly relax as though they were drugged. It was interesting to note that it apparently had no effect on Nessie either. I knew what it was. Jasper must be trying to calm me down

Edward took a step towards me, and reached out to me as he took another step forward.

"Bella? Is that really you?" he asked.

I took a step back. I would not allow him to touch me!

"If you value the use of that hand, you will not touch me!"

"Bella…?"

"I understand about your distractions now! Am I so easily replaced? Did you find her before you left me? Is that what happened?"

"No! I saved Lilly…"

"Spare me your excuses! I can't deal with this now… I have to go…" I turned and ran…

It was nearly ten years of practice fitting into the human world that made me run at a human pace because humans were watching.

Nessie glared at Edward. "We'll deal with you later!" and then she was following me.

"Bella, wait!" she yelled as she followed me.

I didn't look back, but more than one pair of footsteps was following me.

"Edward no! Not now… Not yet…" Alice yelled at him, and then the second set of foot steps stopped.

"You knew, Alice! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know, but I suspected. Give her some time…"

I stopped listening, and then Nessie was beside me. Her arms were around my shoulders, and she was turning my body.

There was a door in front of us. Nessie pushed it open as she pulled me inside.

Quiet, cool dry air, the scent of paper, ink, leather, cardboard, glue, we were in the library. I didn't want to be in a library… I loved books too much. I wanted to be someplace where I could run and rend and destroy.

I wanted to tear something limb from limb. I'd settle for a deer right now, but I wanted that little tramp! Either her or Edward…

But I knew that would never happen…

No matter how much he wronged me, I'd never be able to lay a finger on him in anger…

"Bella, are you alright? Mom, are you ok?"

"No… I'm not ok… I can't do this Nessie... I'm so stupid! I should have realized as soon as I smelled them this morning…

"You never smelled them after your change… There was no way you could have recognized their scent…"

"How many others would have the nerve and the control to go to high school? They'd treat it like a fucking smorgasbord. I've got to get out of here…! I can't let him find me…! I can't deal with this Nessie…"

"Yes you can mom. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for."

"I'm sorry, Nessie, but I can't do this. That girl… God, it was like looking in a mirror…"

"Mom, don't…"

"I taught him how to be around girls! I broke down his barriers! I threw myself at him! I begged him, Nessie…! And then he simply cast me aside when he was through with me…!"

"Mom… Please…"

"And then he has the audacity to stroll across campus with his arm around that tramp! He has the nerve to want to touch me with the hand he's had all over her!"

"Take a deep breath and calm down…"

"I don't need to breathe because of him! Saved her! Is that all it took?"

"Mom…?"

"Jesus Christ…! Is that all I had to do…? Step out in front of a bus, and then it would have been me in his arms instead of that bitch!"

"And then you wouldn't have… me…"

"Oh my god… Nessie! I'm so sorry baby…! I'd never do anything to hurt you, baby girl!"

"I want to meet him, mom. You said you'd tell him about me. I want to look him in the eye and know how he feels about me… It's been ten years! I want to know how he could just walk away!"

"Ok…"

"Thank you, mom…"

"Fine… can we go home now? Please just call mom and tell her… I can't take anymore of this… I can't go on any longer…"

"Just one more class, mom… Ok?

"Jesus, Nessie? How much more of this do you think I can take?"

"Just one more class, mom, ok? It's the first day of school, and this is the class you've been looking forward to."

"Forensic Science 1. I have been waiting for this all week, ever since I read our schedule. Alright, let's go to class, and then we can deal with your father."

"We better hurry, mom. Lunch is over, and we're going to be late…"

"It's the first day of class, and we're new students. We'll say we got lost. How much trouble can we get into?"

Nessie took my hand, and started leading me out of the building, and I realized just how deep into the library we were. It took us some time to get down the stairs and back to the door out to the courtyard. We crossed the courtyard back to New Main, and the bell rang as we were walking through the doors into the building. Nessie lead me down the hall way to the science labs.

I grew more and more apprehensive the closer we got. I could smell his scent in the hallway. I knew he was in this building, and then on this floor, and then in this hallway.

I knew he was inside the door of the classroom we were standing in front of.

"Nessie, no… He's in there… He's in this class…"

"Are you going to let that stop you from getting what you want? Are you going to let him rule your life? How long are you going to keep avoiding him? You could have found him years ago if you wanted to."

I took a deep breath and then sighed. I couldn't keep running. It was time to face him and accept my fate. "Fine, let's do this…"

Nessie opened the door and we walked into the room.

The teacher had just finished taking roll. She turned to look at us with a withering gaze. "Can I help you Ladies?" she asked.

"Vanessa and Isabella Brandon, ma'am, we got lost." Nessie explained. "It's our first day here…"

"Ah, the late Brandon sisters. I'm so glad you found the time to honor us with your presence. We're privileged to have two sets of siblings in this class this year. I just broke up the Masen's. I don't believe it's fair to the other students to allow siblings to be lab partners in my class. This should work out nicely. Vanessa, you can sit with Alice Masen, and Isabella, you can sit with Edward…"

"No!" I exclaimed before I knew what I was saying.

"No? Would you care to enlighten me as to the reason why you feel it's appropriate to give me orders in my classroom? It should make interesting reading on your detention slip when you go explain it to the principal."

"I'm sorry ma'am. Edward and I have a history…"

"Ah. Ok. I'll let it go this one time. Please take your seat."

"Ma'am?"

"Was I not clear? Please sit down so we can begin."

"I don't understand… I can't sit with him…"

"You will indeed sit with Mr. Masen if you intend to continue in this class Miss Brandon. Knowing that you share some sort of history and have issue with Mr. Masen will insure your attention to the class, and not your lab partner. Now take your seat, or I will write that referral to the principal's office where you can drop this class."

I was sorely tempted to simply leave, but I turned and saw the pleading look in Nessie's eyes, and I relented. I would do anything for her. Even sit next to Edward Cullen or Masen now as he was going by in this school.

I nodded to the teacher and turned to walk down the aisle way between the lab tables. Natalie was in this class, and she was staring at me compassionately as she saw the pain on my face. Sheila was taking this class as well, and she looked like she was just bursting with a million questions to ask me to find out what was going on between me and Edward. Dean was sitting at the table behind Edward, and he looked almost protective as he glared at the back of Edward's head.

"She's wearing Louis Vuitton, and they're this summers collection at that" Nessie whispered to me as she looked at Alice. "I don't see why you made such a big deal out of it this morning."

"She's Alice." I said, as though that explained everything. "Besides, you ended up wearing the Jimmy Choo's."

"Bella! These are like three years old! They don't even compare!"

Alice was beaming at us, and then Nessie turned and sat down beside her, looking at her appraisingly. I took my seat beside Edward. He looked anguished and possibly contrite. His lips parted as though he was about to speak…

"Do not speak to me and do not touch me if you wish to live!" I hissed under my breath, and then turned to give my attention to the teacher.

Mrs. Harpel nodded with a smirk on her face, and then introduced herself to the class and handed out textbooks. She started going over the syllabus for the class as I sat rigidly in my seat. I didn't hear a word she said.

The sense of déjà vu in the classroom was intense. It was like that biology class from so many years ago all over again, except this time it was me keeping my distance and furiously gripping the edge of the table. Of course I wasn't intent upon murdering a roomful of children…

Oh no… There was only one student in this room that I would have gladly murdered at this instant.

But I knew I wouldn't do it… I couldn't do it…

His scent enveloped him like a dangerous cloud of deviously tantalizing perfumed gas that slowly drifted outward, enticing me, tempting me… It was the very most intoxicating scent in the universe, and I knew it was meant specifically for me…

My breathing accelerated as the scent enveloped me, drifting around me, filling my nostrils with his scent. I tried to stop breathing but I was powerless to the intense olfactory sensation. I couldn't make my body refuse his scent as I reacted to the most basic of stimuli.

Suddenly the quiet classroom seemed to be humming, just like in that darkened biology classroom so many years ago. The pulsing current raced between us again, and my desire to touch him again was growing stronger by the second, outweighing even the demands of the thirst which had become a constant in my life.

The throbbing electricity made it feel like I had a pulse again. My body sang with it. Like I was human. More than anything in the world, I wanted to feel the heat of his lips against mine again. My body craved the feel of his skin against mine. For one second, I struggled desperately to find the strength, the control, to resist the attraction…

I fought with myself and the internal struggle was monumental indeed. I had never struggled so hard, even resisting the call of freshly flowing blood…

I won the battle for that second, and then the next and the next… My body wanted him. It craved the feel of his touch like a drug coursing through my body burning me with desire for the feel of his skin against mine.

But my mind rejected him. My intelligence fought the intense physical sensations that sang and pulsed through my body. I would not give in so easily. He had wronged me grievously and I drew strength from that fact.

I would not be so weak as to simply let him walk back into my life. I simply could not do that and still maintain any shred of self respect.

He had walked away. He had cast aside everything we had together. He had discarded me when he was through with me after I had freely given him everything I had to give. I had died for him, and now he wanted to be back in my life?

I simply couldn't allow that to happen. I wasn't a naive eighteen year old anymore. I had a life, and it did not include Edward Cullen.

Perhaps there would have been a point in my life where I would have graciously, even eagerly welcomed him back into my life with open arms, but that ship had sailed.

I knew he had lied to protect me. I had figured out the truth on my own before I was a year into this second life but I had never asked to be protected. To be honest, I couldn't think of one thing he could possibly say to me that would make me forgive him for what he had done to me.

It had taken me years to understand, but I knew now the full extent of the damage done to me. My life was ruined beyond the possibility of repair. He had damaged me in unspeakable ways that simply could not be fixed. I would never know true happiness with any partner, and would be forced to endure eternity forever alone. It was my lot in life and I had Edward Cullen to thank for that.

The bell was ringing and people were standing up. Class was over? I couldn't for the life of me remember a single word that had been spoken after I sat down. Had we been assigned reading or an assignment from the book? The entire class was a blank spot in my memory.

I'd have to get Nessie to play it back for me to see what I'd missed. Then Edward slid a sheet of paper across the table in front of me. The reading assignment and homework task was written in his perfect flowing script.

"I noticed you didn't take any notes… You seemed preoccupied…"

I took the sheet of paper, folded it and slipped it into my bag. "Thank you," I replied, but I wouldn't turn to look at him.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

"I'll consider it… I have to go…"

I was out of my seat and practically flying to the door. I knew I was moving to fast, but I didn't care. Then Nessie was beside me. She gripped my hand and made me slow down. Her touch grounded me and brought me back to reality.

"I have to get out of here…" I pleaded with her.

She simply nodded and led me out of the classroom and into the hallway. We went to the stairs and I didn't need to look back to know they were following us.

We didn't return to our locker, but then we already had everything we needed. We wouldn't have gym again until Wednesday, and we could collect our dirty gym clothes tomorrow. It was then that I realized that I would be back on Wednesday…

I'd be back here tomorrow…

Was he in any of my other classes? Was his girlfriend in any of my classes? I'd been able to resist touching Edward…

Would I be able to resist ripping her apart if I saw her again? I didn't know what could possibly stop me from tearing her to shreds. So help me, if his scent so much as lingered on her clothes, I wouldn't be held accountable for my actions…

We were out of the building and moving across the parking lot.

"Are they still following us?" I asked. I didn't turn to look, but apparently Nessie did, and she shared her perspective with me.

I saw them behind us, keeping their distance but obviously intent on following us wherever we led them.

"Do you still want to talk to him?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Fine, lets get this over with. Then we can decide if we stay or go."

"I thought we were settling down? Didn't you want to stay in one place? Let's deal with this, but I'm not letting then drive us away…"

"I don't know how much of this I can take, Nessie… If I see that bitch touch him again, I'll tear her to shreds…"

"What…? I don't get it… Where is that coming from…?"

"Not now! I'll explain later!"

We were back at the car. I could still see the view behind us without having to turn and look. They were going to the yellow Porsche. Of course, it figured. Alice was driving…

The vision cut off when Nessie let go of my hand.

"Can you even drive?" Nessie asked as I pulled my door open.

"Yes I can drive. You just watch them and tell me what they do. Are the other two with them? Jasper and that bitch?"

Nessie looked at me with a shocked expression at my apparent jealousy.

"No, it's just Edward and Alice. They must realize you're upset, and don't want to crowd you."

"That makes sense. He tried to use his ability on me at lunch, but it didn't work. I didn't expect that."

"His ability? You never mentioned he was gifted. Of course, you never wanted to talk much about any of them."

"Your uncle Jasper is an empath. He can read emotions and control them. That's why all those kids dropped like they were drugged. He was probably projecting waves of calm. I could feel it lapping at my mind, but it had no effect on me. I'm surprised it didn't affect you."

Nessie shrugged. "Maybe I got it from you. They're still following us."

"It's ok. Your father wanted to talk to me too."

We'd left the parking lot and were headed east out of town toward our house. Alice stayed back far enough to keep me in sight, but she didn't crowd me. I didn't try to lose them and led them back to our house.

I didn't bother driving back to the garage and just parked in front of the house in the circle drive. Nessie and I walked up to the porch and went inside.

"I'll be in the study. Let them in when they get here." I said and went into our office to sit down at my desk. Nessie just nodded and waited for them to arrive.

They hadn't been too far behind us and I heard the Porsche pull up behind my Audi and stop. The motor shut off and two doors opened and closed. There was a knock on the door and Nessie opened it. I heard their footsteps enter my house as Nessie invited them in.

There was a soft knock on the door.

I took a deep unnecessary breath, and then said, "Come in."

Nessie opened the door, and Alice and Edward were standing in the doorway.

"I can wait out here if you and Edward would like to speak alone…" Alice said. It was the first time she'd spoken to me in almost ten years, and it felt so good to hear her voice again.

I knew I wasn't ready to be alone with Edward yet. I didn't trust myself, and Nessie deserved to be here for this.

"No, we can all sit down and talk like adults. Please come in."

Nessie walked into the room and went to her desk. She pulled her chair next to mine and sat beside me behind my desk. She slid her chair closer and took my hand.

Edward and Alice walked into the room slowly and sat in the two leather chairs in front of my desk. I could see their eyes glancing around taking in the details of this most private place, studying the details of my life.

Edward seemed surprised when his eyes found my degrees framed on the wall behind my desk on the wall. My Bachelor of Science degree in criminal justice, the special certifications in crime scene investigation, my private investigator license, the Masters degree in criminology, the PhD in criminology for Dr. Isabella M. Bennet, Pictures of Nessie and me together with her as a little girl, that seemed to confuse him. His eyes move to pictures of Phil and Renée, and the fact that they were obviously vampires too. Their scents were in the house, and he obviously knew they lived here, but weren't home now.

The silence grew oppressive as they studied the room but nobody spoke. Finally I had to say something. There was one question I had to ask that had been gnawing at me for all these years.

"Why didn't you come look for me, Alice? I figured Edward told you to stay away, but you never put up with his crap for very long. You had to know what had happened, but you never came…"

"I couldn't see you anymore, Bella. Not since November 11 2001. I figured that was when you finally used the venom. It must have affected your ability. Edward never could read you… After you changed, I couldn't see your future anymore…"

"Oh…" That explained a lot. Jasper hadn't been able to affect me either, but his power had worked on me when I was human.

"I never stopped looking for you, Bella. At first, I thought you were dead… When people suddenly just vanish from my visions the way you did, it usually means they've died. It was over a year before I knew you were still alive, but by then you were covering your tracks. I've been searching ever since."

"Why didn't you just go to Denali, Bella? Jasper and I were up there waiting that first year… Well, Jasper was. I spent most of that year searching for Edward."

My eyes flew to Edward. "Edward? Why did you have to go look for him?"

"You weren't the only one that had a rough time from the break-up, Bella." Alice explained. "It took Emmett and me almost a year to find Edward."

"What the hell did you do?" I asked, glaring at Edward, flabbergasted.

"Victoria returned to Seattle." Edward said. "I had to deal with her to keep you safe. She had taken it into her head that killing you would be appropriate revenge for what I did to James."

"I never saw her. I was gone by October. I take it she didn't follow me?"

"I chased her to try and destroy her. She ran south, and we ended up in South America. Finally she offered me a truce. She said she'd stay away from you as long as I stayed in Brazil."

"And you believed her?"

"I could read her mind and she wasn't lying…"

"Of course she wasn't lying! I was already gone by then! She had no idea where I was! Besides, she couldn't kill me because I was already dead! Well at least not human anymore…"

"I spent that year looking for Edward to bring him back home after I thought you'd died." Alice continued. "Edward wouldn't give up though. He refused to believe you were dead. His persistence led me to dig up the clues that proved you were still alive...

"Why didn't you go to Denali, Bella? You had to know there were vegetarian vampires living there. They were family… They would have helped you to find us…"

"I didn't know how they react to Nessie. I couldn't take the chance that they'd mistake her for an immortal child, and then when you didn't come looking for me, I wasn't sure if I wanted to find you. I had to assume you didn't want me anymore when you never showed up on my doorstep looking for me…"

"I always wanted you, Bella… I fought with him when he made us leave… I would have stayed, but Jasper needed me… I'm sorry I didn't do more for you, but Jasper is everything to me. I had to be there for him…"

"You did enough, Alice… You saved my life. I'd be dead now if you hadn't left the venom for me. It's the only reason I'm even here to talk to you. I would have died when Nessie came if I didn't have the venom to save me."

Edward and Alice both turned to look at Nessie now, and I felt her grip my hand tighter.

"Why would the Denali coven mistake your companion for an immortal child? She's almost the same physical age as you, although she does a remarkable job of passing for human. Is it a gift?" Edward asked.

"Pardon me for being rude, but who is she, Bella? I thought she was a vampire at first too. She looks almost like a vampire, and her scent is mostly like a vampire, but I sat next to her in class. She's not wearing contacts. She has a heartbeat and she's warm… I could see and feel the heat radiating off of her."

"Nessie is my daughter…"

"What?" Edward and Alice both exclaimed as they stared in shock.

"She's too old…" Alice breathed.

"You turned her?" Edward exclaimed, outraged.

"No! Of course not! She was born like this, although most of the human characteristics have faded as she's aged. She grew up much faster than a human child. She's been like this since she was seven."

"She's our daughter, Edward. You're her father. She's half vampire, half human. I would have died when she was born if Renee hadn't injected me with the venom."

"Impossible…" He breathed, but I cold see the look of awe on his face as the truth of my words slowly permeated his consciousness.

"Oh, very possible, trust me. You see, I was pregnant when you abandoned me in the forest and left me to my fate. I think I've done rather well for myself."

"You couldn't be pregnant… we only…"

"What, you think it can't happen on the first time? You've been to medical school. Improbable yes, but impossible? Not by any means."

"Nessie…?" Edward said, as though questioning the source of the name.

"She was born Elizabeth Renesmee Swan. I named her for three of her grandmothers, but she never cared for any of those names. Phil came up with Nessie as a nickname for Renesmee and it stuck."

"Elizabeth is a pretty name." Alice said. "Why are you using Vanessa at school?"

Nessie shrugged. "Mary is a pretty name too. Why do you use Alice? I tell humans my name is Vanessa because it gives me an excuse to have people call me Nessie with out telling them my real middle name."

Edward was still staring at Nessie, studying the details of her face, her coloring, her hair. "You're really my daughter?" He asked.

"Of course I'm your daughter! Do you think we'd make something like this up? What exactly are you trying to imply about my mother?"

"No! I would never question your parentage… If she says it's so, then it is… It's just hard to get my head around the idea… I always thought it was impossible."

"I can see it now that you mention it," Alice said. "She has your cheekbones and nose, Edward, and her hair is the exact same shade as yours. She has Bella's eyes and the shape of her face, and Charlie's curly hair…"

"I can show you some of my life, if you'd like… I can prove what we've told you so you believe us."

"Show me? How…? I can't read your mind. You're just as silent as your mother."

"Our daughter is gifted, Edward. She can share her memories, her feelings… She can project visions of her reality into your head. It's an effective form of communication. It let her get her point across before she could speak. She can let you see as much as she's willing to share."

"How much do you remember…?" Edward asked.

"Everything. I became aware a couple of weeks before I was born. I have the same memory capabilities as a normal vampire. How much would you like to see?" Nessie got up and started to walk around the desk as she smiled at her father, but I had heard the sharpness in her tone.

"Nessie, be nice! I know how you feel about this. Let me fight my own battles, alright?"

"He abandoned us in the forest and left us to die!" She said as she turned to confront me, challenging me to say it wasn't true.

Edward looked visibly stricken and shrunk back as though he'd been physically struck as her words registered.

I got up and held out my hand to her. "Be nice! Show me what you show him! I know your vindictive streak."

"Fine… If that's what you want. Be warned, I'm not holding anything back or painting a pretty picture. You want the reality of our lives, you can have it." Nessie took my hand, and then held out her hand to her father as she looked him in the eye. "Are you willing to see the consequences of what you've wrought and left in your wake?"

Edward stood up and took her hand. "I am prepared… Show me everything..."

Nessie nodded, and then the visions began.

They started before she was born. I experienced my human thoughts again as I questioned whether or not a I was bringing a monster into the world, whether or not she would be a newborn human or a newborn vampire.

She showed us her birth in agonizing detail and crystal clarity. I hadn't realized before just how much she had seen and how much she had been aware of. She was watching in the instant when Renee plunged the needle into my heart and injected the venom.

The visions started to come faster and more time compressed although the detail didn't suffer.

…Elizabeth biting Renée in the kitchen…

…Attacking the goat in the garage…

…Me as a newborn carrying Nessie through the cabin naked and covered with dried blood…

…our first hunt…

…The chocolate bar and sunglasses the first time I dared being around humans…

…Nessie biting Phil and his body burning through the change…

…My first accident as I sat at the table telling what happened…

…Nessie's impressions of me hunting human predators…

…Red eyes in the night as I came home again and again…

…fleeing to Iowa…

…walking across the stage to get my diploma…

…Ohio…

…Pennsylvania…

…New York…

…Illinois…

…Minnesota…

Our lives played out in agonizing detail as the body count grew and grew. Every time we'd had to run. Every time we'd found some peace. It was ironic that I wanted to be the vegetarian, and my body count was second only to Jasper now, while Nessie wanted to be a vampire, and she'd only tasted human blood twice, not counting Phil and Renee.

Edward reeled back and fell into his chair when the visions stopped. It didn't hit me quite so hard. It was my life and I had lived it. Although it was a little disconcerting seeing it flash before my eyes like that. It put things in a different perspective. I could appreciate Nessie's point of view better. Why did I try so very hard to be good when I was anything but?

I sat back down while Edward collected his thoughts.

"I'm sorry, Bella… I'm so sorry…"

"I don't want your pity! I've done what I had to do to survive, to provide for my family. I'd do it all again if I had to. I still do what I have to do…"

"How many…?"

"How many dead? Did you lose count? I don't think she missed any." But I knew she had. There were so many more I'd never mentioned. "More than you, you quit after three years, but then mine are more spread out…"

Alice seemed startled at the direction of the conversation. "Your eyes are gold… What did she show you?"

"I don't seek out human blood, although I've had more than my fair share of accidents…"

"Accidents?" Edward exclaimed. "You hunt humans! What do you expect when you go looking for trouble? Of course you're going to have accidents!"

"Was there one that didn't deserve to die? I have never tasted innocent blood, and I don't kill them if my true nature isn't revealed. I follow the rules. Besides, the world is a better place without them, and I don't hunt them for their blood. You lived the same way in the beginning…"

"And I was a monster! I saw the error of my ways… I could not live as judge, jury and executioner! I gave it up and went back to Carlisle."

"What have you done, Bella?" Alice asked still not understanding.

"She's a vigilante, Alice. She hunts criminals and relieves them of their ill gotten gains to provide for her lifestyle." He waved around at the house, as though it was all bought with blood money. I suppose in a sense it was…

"Not all of us have a resident psychic to play the stock market for them. Besides, after the first couple of times, it wasn't about the money anymore. I've saved more lives than I've taken. Do you realize how many tons of drugs I taken off the streets? How many serial rapists and murderers aren't preying on humans anymore because of me? How many child pornography rings, white slavery and prostitution scams I've busted?"

"You aren't the police, Bella. Nobody's asked you to try and solve all the worlds' problems."

"The police are limited by the law, and half the time they're as bad as the criminals. I know I can't solve all the worlds' problems, but I'm doing something. I know the difference between right and wrong. I can't idly sit by and let all of that go on without doing something."

"You've become the very thing that you strive to stop…"

"That is the nature of what we are, Edward. All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. Do you honestly expect me to sit back and do nothing when I have the power to do something? What do you expect me to do, go to high school and bury my head in the sand while the world goes to hell around me?"

"You're going to high school now, Bella…" Alice said.

I sighed. "Nessie wanted to try going to school to see what it was like. We could never send her when she was growing up; she aged too quickly and changed too fast. We decided we could finally settle down and try living in one place for longer than a year after she stopped changing. She made me go with her, because we've been telling everyone we're sisters, and it would look odd if she went and I didn't."

"It figures, after nearly ten years, the first time we go to high school we end up running into you."

"That's my fault," Alice said. "I finally figured out how to look for you. I thought you'd try the high school thing after a while, although I didn't realize you'd wait this long. I was able to narrow down the search to schools you'd actually be able to go to. You know, places with the right weather."

"I started making decisions to go to those high schools. If I got a vision of us on the first day, then I knew you wouldn't be there. I knew I had the right school when our future blanked out. So that's where I suggested we go. I guess it worked."

"Gee, Thanks, Alice. I was so looking forward to a family reunion after ten years." I said sarcastically.

I turned to look ay my daughter. "Nessie, why don't you take your Aunt Alice up to your room and let her play in your closet. I'm sure you two have a lot in common. I'd like to talk to your father privately for a minute."

"Wait, I have something I need to know too, first. I've been waiting all these years for the chance to ask you." She said as she glared at Edward.

"Yes, Nessie?" Edward said "You can ask me anything."

"I believe mom now, when she says you didn't know. I had a hard time believing for all these years that you couldn't know she was pregnant when you left. Would you have still left us if you knew? Would you have been able to abandon us if you knew she was pregnant?"

"No, I wouldn't have left. I did what I did because I felt your mother deserved a normal human life, and that was impossible while I was there beside her. If I had known she was carrying my child, there is no power in this world that would have torn me from her side. I would have known that a normal human life was impossible, and I would have stayed."

"But you did leave." I said. "Nessie, are you satisfied now? I've told you what his answer would be, but that's water under the bridge now. Take Alice upstairs please."

Nessie nodded and took Alice's hand to pull her along behind her.

"Mom always says we have a lot in common. Do you like to shop?"

"Of course, aren't girls supposed to like shopping?"

"That's what I always told her, but it's like pulling teeth to get her to a decent mall! I love your shoes. I was going to wear the platform pumps from last years summer collection before she threw a fit this morning."

"God, I can't believe you're Bella's daughter! So you like fashion?"

"Of course! Have you seen the September Vogue yet…?

I blocked them out as I contemplated how to discuss with him what I wanted to say… What I needed to say without physically attacking him…

The day my fears were confirmed flashed through my mind…

…_Garrett was holding me in his__ arms as the blissful sensation slowly faded and I simply enjoyed being held by him. _

_I had shown him how I hunted, and he had tried it for himself. One thing had led to another, and now I found myself lying naked in his arms after we'd made love. It was a satisfying experience. He was experienced and skillfully attentive to my needs. He had been sure to see that I felt just as much pleasure as he had, and I had thoroughly enjoyed everything we had done together._

_It just wasn't enough though. Something was missing. I didn't want to put Edward on a pedestal and claim he was the world's greatest lover. I didn't want to think he had ruined other men for me, and I would forever compare every lover I had to him._

_I just didn't click with Garrett. Or Brad for that matter. It had been fun in a purely physical way, but I didn't feel the electricity. There was no deeper emotional connection. I had gotten there physically. I reached my peak and they had both satisfied my physical needs, but that's all it was. Two bodies moving together to reach a physical climax, the emotional component was practically nonexistent. I didn't want to be callous or cold, but I didn't feel anything for him beyond friendship._

"_What's the matter, Bella?" Garrett asked. He could sense my dissatisfaction. "Was it not good for you?"_

"_No, you were great… It was fun…"_

"_Just fun? Did I not satisfy you? I can easily rectify that situation." He started to reach for me, but I placed my hand on his to stop him. _

"_No, the satisfaction was very nice. You were most attentive to my needs, thank you."_

"_Then what is troubling you?"_

"_Please don't take this the wrong way, but I just don't feel a deeper connection to you…"_

"_Oh, is that what's bothering you? No, we don't have a deeper emotional connection. You are not my mate, and I am not yours, but that doesn't mean we can't share physical intimacy and give each other pleasure."_

"_Your mate? What do you mean?"_

"_Has no one explained the mating bond and how mating works between vampires?"_

"_No… Weren't we just mating? I mean, we had sex…"_

"_And it was most pleasurable. You're a very skilled partner, but that has very little to do with mating between vampires. Well, at least not initially. When a vampire finds their mate, they know it, because they feel an intense physical and emotional attraction to their mate."_

"_Really? How intense? What does it feel like…?"_

"_I have met several mated pairs in my travels. I have had traveling companions that were mated pairs. They claimed it was almost like a magnetic attraction drawing them together. In some of the most strongly bonded pairs, they described it like electricity pulsing between their bodies. They could feel their bond in every touch as the electricity arced between them."_

_I felt sick listening to his description of what Edward and I had shared together._

"_Does this mating bond only form between two vampires? What if one of them is human? Would the bond still form?"_

"_Of course, it's one of the primary ways our population grows, hence the term mating. Generally a vampire finds their mate when they're still human. It's expected that they will change them almost immediately. It's emotionally painful for them to be apart for too long. It's practically impossible for them to resist changing their human mate. They become protective of their human mate almost to the point of obsession, until they can change them. There are rare circumstances where two vampires will mate, but most vampires find their mates when they're still human."_

"_So is this mating bond permanent? Can it be broken?"_

"_I've never heard of a case where it's been broken after both partners were vampires. It's too strong for that. Theoretically, I suppose it could be broken if something happened to the human partner before they were changed if the vampire had something worth living to protect, but once both partners are vampires, the bond is sealed. It's like the vampires involved become two halves of a whole. They say you can sense your mate through the bond, and know if their well or hurt, alive or dead."_

"_So this mating bond thing becomes a part of you? There's no turning it off? No possibility at all?"_

"_Yes, it's permanent. Your souls are irrevocably joined for all eternity. When one of the pair dies, the other will often follow them into the dark, and seek oblivion. They cannot survive alone without their mate."_

"_Really? You die when your mate dies?"_

"_Not instantly, no, but losing your mate would drive you insane causing you to seek out death to end the pain of your continued existence. Some seek revenge first, but it's the way we react to the loss of a mate. We cannot have children, but we form permanent pair bonds that transcend anything two humans are capable of sharing…"_

The door closing broke me out of reverie… This room was effectively sound proofed, and Alice and Nessie wouldn't hear our conversation once they were upstairs.

Edward was still sitting in the chair staring at me. It made me almost physically ill to realize I would never be able to love another person throughout the entirety of my existence because I was bonded to Edward, and I could not possibly allow myself to love him because of what he had done to me.

"You bastard... Nessie had her chance to ask her question. I only have one thing to ask you as well…"

"Bella, please…"

"Do not speak to me! You can answer my questions, but do not have the audacity to think you can speak to me after what you've done to me!"

He nodded.

"You knew. You knew you were my mate, and you lied to me. You told me what I felt was simply the reaction any human would have if they had a vampire for a lover. Well guess what? I've had human lovers, and they didn't feel a thing. Not like what we shared. That's what made me suspect. It was years later that a very gentle vampire explained the mating bond to me. I was curious why I didn't feel a deeper emotional connection to him when we made love."

Edward's hands were gripping the arms of the chair furiously as he fought for control and the growl threatened to rip out of his chest. He was literally seething with anger, but he struggled to hold it in check.

"If you destroy that chair, you're replacing it. You don't control my life. You left me. You wanted me to move on. I did. Get over it. I might be your mate, but I'm not yours. I'll do as I please with my life."

"What I can't understand is how you could leave me! You were supposed to change me so we could be together! That's how it works, Edward!"

I took several deep breaths to calm down. "I'll admit; I wouldn't change anything. I got Nessie out of the deal, but you felt the mating bond pulsing between us and you left in there in the forest and abandoned me…"

"You were within sight of your father's house. I didn't think you'd follow me…"

"Why wouldn't I? I was your mate! We were destined to be together! The link between us was like a physical and emotional bond even then! You would have died when I died! I'm permanently bonded to you for the rest of my fucking existence, and you walked away from me!"

"You spoke of a question…"

"How could you do that to me? I think I understand why you did it, but what possible reason could make you do that to me? I gave you everything Edward. I gave you my love. I gave you my body. You knew you owned my soul… It was already yours and it wasn't enough…"

"I didn't want this life for you… I loved you too much to want you to have to live this life… You know the truth now. I didn't want to destroy your innocence. I was in love with the dream of your purity of spirit as much as I was in love with the girl that you were. I still love you, Bella…"

"NO! You are not allowed to love me! You gave up that right when you walked away from me in that forest in Forks!

"I can't not love you… It isn't physically or emotionally possible for either of us. I feel everything you feel…"

"What about your distraction? Was it really so easy to simply replace me? Do you pretend it's me when you're fucking your little tramp? Jesus Christ, Edward! I thought I was looking into a fucking mirror! How am I supposed to go back to school without hurting her? Does she even know how sick this is?"

"Lilly? We are not romantically involved! I would never abuse her in such a manner! What kind of cad do you think I am? You are my mate, and I would have no other!"

"Well get ready for an eternity of blue balls then. You will not touch me. Why was that little bitch all over you today if you aren't together? And where are Rosalie and Emmett? I didn't see them today."

"Lilly and I pretend to be a couple when we attend school to prevent unwanted attention from the human children. It's a mutually beneficial ploy so we don't have humans pestering us for dates or asking us to attend social functions. That is the full extent of our relationship."

"Rosalie and Emmett chose not to attend school this time around, and are living apart from us as a newlywed married couple. They've opened a garage in town catering to high end sports cars, motorcycles and customized show cars."

"They do maintenance on motorcycles? Are they authorized to perform factory maintenance on BMW's? Nessie has been looking for a good shop to tune up our bikes…"

"You ride motorcycles?"

I shrugged. "You were right about the speed thing. I can't get enough of it since I was changed. Fast cars are nice, but you haven't experienced real speed until you're screaming down the highway at 200mph on a fast bike."

"Will you show me?"

"Maybe someday… Ask your daughter. We have a long way to go before I ever trust you again… I don't know if I'll ever be able too…"

"Eternity is a long time, Bella. I can wait… Just tell me what I need to do."

"For starters, keep your distance from this Lilly… I believe you, but I don't want to hurt her… I can't say how I'll react if I see her touching you… I don't want to feel this way, but its instinct…"

"Alright… I understand, but you know that works both ways… You weren't planning to date while you're attending school… Were you?"

"Not seriously, but that was the other thing I wanted to discuss with you. You need to be there for our daughter. She needs you to be a part of her life."

"I want that, now that I know she exists."

"Nessie isn't like a human girl, Edward. She's never been human and she doesn't look at the world from a human perspective. She sees humans as our natural prey animal."

"She hunts humans?"

"She would if I allowed her to. We have an agreement. She won't hunt humans as prey as long as she lives with me, but she's becoming more and more independent as she gets older. Eventually she's going to strike out on her own, if only to stretch her wings and give it a try for a while."

"And you believe she will adopt a traditional vampire diet when she does decide to leave you."

"Yes. She doesn't feel a connection to humanity the way you and I do. Renee suggested that going to school might allow her to make friends and find her connection to humanity. She made friends with several human girls when we lived in New York. She had a boyfriend that was becoming serious. We had to leave because Renee had an accident. There was a car wreck and she couldn't help herself, but she ate one of Nessie's friends…"

"That had to be traumatic for both of them…"

"It was, but for the first time, Nessie understood why I value human life… Why I feel it's wrong to feed on humans…"

"Isn't that a little hypocritical if you feel you're justified to kill them?"

"Yes, it probably is, but I only kill predators and only if I have to reveal my true nature or they resist. It's a fine line. Nessie agrees with me that we shouldn't feed on innocents, but she feels justified in preying on the predators."

"Alright… I'll do what I can…"

"I don't want you to lecture her, or debate the subject with her. At least not until you get to know her better. I'd like her to have the opportunity to talk to Carlisle too. Really what I need help with is helping her to make human connections. She needs to make friends with humans and socialize. She's never had the opportunity to live as a human, and she's had adult intelligence since she was six months old. I know this is a radical departure from your usual high school experience, but she needs your help."

"So when you say socialize, what exactly do you expect…?"

"She needs to make friends, go to dances, attend sporting events, maybe join some clubs, find a boyfriend and go on some dates…"

"And you were planning on attending these dances and social events with her? Were you planning on dating as well?"

"I wasn't opposed to the idea. It wouldn't be the first time. I have excellent control, and I wasn't going to let anything get past first base anyhow. Having you show up here complicates things."

"I can imagine. You want me to back off with Lilly so you don't hurt her. Can you imagine how I would react to some human child touching you and thinking he has the right to call you his? They would die horribly. I would not be able to restrain myself."

"I might be willing to work out a compromise when the time comes. Let's just leave it at that for now. Can you ask Carlisle if he'd be willing to meet with us?"

"Of course, I'm sure he'll be absolutely ecstatic to see you and meet our daughter. Is there a particular reason you had in mind though?"

"I'd like to set up a visit with him in a professional capacity. Obviously I wasn't able to see a doctor for any kind of prenatal care, but that's a moot point. Nessie has never seen a doctor in her entire life, but she's never been sick a day in her life either. She isn't like normal vampires, Edward. She still has human characteristics…"

"Such as…?"

"She still has a monthly cycle and menstruates, Edward. She has a period, but she gets really terrible cramps and PMS every month. Exercise helps some, but she can't take any medications, and I have no idea if birth control would be effective for her. I don't even know if she can even get pregnant or not. I've done what I could, and she knows about safe sex, but there was never a doctor I could go to with my questions and concerns before."

"Is there a need for safe sex or birth control?"

"She's still a virgin as far as I know. We're fairly open about talking about physical relationships. I was fairly certain it would have happened by now, but she hasn't felt she was ready, and she hasn't had a serious boyfriend for a while. Physically she's seventeen, and you know what that's like. I was trying awfully damn hard to drag you into my bed when I was seventeen. It's going to happen sooner or later."

"And I'm supposed to be alright with this and let it happen? Her birthday is in November. She's what, nine years old? And you think a physical relationship is appropriate?"

"She may be nine, but physically she's seventeen, and as far as I know, she's going to be seventeen forever. She's not human, Edward. She's been an adult since she was six months old so yes I feel it's appropriate. And yes, you are going to be alright with this and let it happen. You are not going to run her boyfriends off, just because you suddenly find out you have a daughter. Nessie's a strong willed girl, and nobody is going to force her to do anything she isn't ready for. When it happens, it'll be because she's ready and it's what she wants."

Edward nodded, but I could tell the thought didn't sit well with him. This would probably be an issue we'd have to deal with as time went on. He was old fashioned, and he'd just found out he had a daughter. Of course he'd be overprotective. He didn't really know her yet, despite everything she had shown him. It was his nature to overreact on the side of caution. He'd think he was protecting her while he drove her away.

I realized the conversation had become more congenial and friendly the longer we went on. I was willing to be civil with Edward, but I wasn't ready to let him be my friend yet. It was time to end this conversation before I lost anymore of my resolve.

I reached into my desk and handed Edward my business card. He studied it with mild disapproval.

"Swan and Associates Private Security? You hire out as a body guard and bounty hunter?"

"I also consult as a criminologist and profiler for police departments and law enforcement agencies. Please have Carlisle contact me to set up an appointment."

"You can speak to him personally if you'd like to come by and visit this evening. I'm sure everyone would love to see you and catch up."

"Alright… Are Phil and Renee invited as well? Assuming they want to visit…"

I got up from my desk and walked to the door and opened it to usher him out of my office.

"Of course your family is welcome to accompany you. I'm sure Carlisle would be most intrigued to meet them."

"I'll ask them, but I have to warn you… They're still very upset about the circumstances and events of you leaving." I turned to look up the stairs. "Alice, Edward is ready to leave." I spoke in a normal voice, but I knew she'd hear me now that we were out of the office and walking to the front door.

Alice and Nessie came flying down the stairs, and were next to the door in seconds.

"It was great seeing you, Bella. I'll see you tonight!" Alice exclaimed, and then pulled me into a hug that would have crushed me when I was human.

Alice was already half way to the car before I had a chance to reply.

"How do I contact you, and where do you live?"

"Nessie has our numbers and I gave her directions. I have to go get ready now! C'mon Edward, or you're walking!"

Edward looked at me, but I gave a curt shake of my head and stepped back. He looked at Nessie with a hurt look of longing, and she sighed and nodded. She stepped forward and gave him a brief hug. It appeared strained and mildly uncomfortable, but it was a beginning.

Edward stepped back. "I'll look forward to seeing you tonight," and then he was striding rapidly to the car and got in.

The yellow Porsche was flying down the driveway seconds later, and then disappeared around the corner at the end of the drive.

"So, we're visiting the Cullens tonight?" Nessie asked.

I nodded. "I made you a doctor's appointment." I didn't understand the look of horror on her face. Going to the doctor wasn't that bad, was it?

**Author's Note:**

I hope I caught any errors or typos in this chapter. Normally I like to go through them a little more carefully before I post. Things have been a little hectic this week.

Mount Vernon High School is a real High School in Mount Vernon Washington. They really do use the 84-minute block schedule with classes alternating between Green and White days.

Forensic Science 1 & 2 really are offered as real classes at MVHS. I was browsing through the course catalog they had posted on the school website when I found them. They seemed like a class the Bella in this story would want to take.

If you liked this story, please review and let me know what you think. Even if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear from you. I read all the reviews, even if I don't answer all of them. If you have questions, I try to answer then without giving away too much of the plot.


	17. Chapter 17 Family Reunion

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rat****ing**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **BPOV (Bella), Bella starts the story. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

Sorry this is a day late. My son's going back to college this week, and it's been busy. His car broke down and we had to get it fixed before he had to move back to the dorms.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 17 Family Reunion

Nessie and I drove down to Renee's store After Edward and Alice left. I didn't think this was something we should tell them about on the phone. We had some time to discuss our options. Renee didn't close up shop until six o'clock during the week, seven on Friday and two o'clock on Saturday. Monday was usually a pretty slow day, but she didn't have any other employees yet.

We hadn't seen the need to involve anybody else in our business yet, and it was easier to doctor the books without having some human looking over our shoulder, second guessing what we did with the business. Phil usually spent his time at the store with Renee unless he was shooting a game or traveling to one. He helped out in the shop, and Nessie and I both helped out too.

Sunny days weren't really a problem for us. We had a back employee entrance to come and go from the alley behind the store, and it was normally in the shade except at high noon. I parked in the alley behind the store when we got there. Nessie and I got out of the car, and she punched the code into the lock on the door to open it and let us in. Phil and Renee would know we were here. They would have heard the car drive up, and the security system would have notified them that we entered the code to open the door. Not to mention the fact that they'd know it was us by our scent and the distinctive sound of our footsteps.

We walked into the employee area of the shop which was separated from the public areas by a heavy security door and a reinforced wall with several bulletproof glass service windows. There were intercoms at each window to facilitate transactions, and there was a row of flat screen monitors that constantly showed the security feed from the surveillance cameras in the public part of the shop.

There were no customers right now. Monday afternoon was one of the slow days at the store. There was a surprising amount of business throughout the course of the week, but Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays were the busiest days at the store. Most people got paid on Thursdays or Fridays, and they'd come in to pay off their loans. Most of them were back the next day to re-loan. There was a limit on the dollar value of transactions within a twenty-four hour period, which meant they couldn't pay off a loan and get a new one on the same day. Otherwise, a lot of people used our service to cash their checks instead of going to a bank, if they didn't have a bank account.

Phil and Renee seemed excited to hear about our first day at high school. How well we were able to fit in would determine if we could stay or if we'd have to leave again and none of us wanted to have to move for a long time. That was why I'd finally given in to going back to high school in the first place, but I knew they weren't expecting the news we had to share with then.

"Hi, Bella, Nessie, so how was your first day of school, girls? Did you make friends?" Renee asked as she turned to greet us with a big smile on her face.

I knew she was excited, and she was enjoying playing the role of mom to a couple of high school girls, even if it was just a cover so we could fit in. Phil was excited to hear our news too, but his expression darkened when he read our expressions and body language, and knew we were upset about something.

"What happened? Are you alright?" Phil asked.

"Well, school was interesting, and eventful to say the least. We ran into some old friends." I said.

"That's the understatement of the century," Nessie said, "and I wouldn't say they're all friends…"

"Nessie, be nice. You don't even know all of them yet. Give them a chance. Most of them are good people and their hearts are in the right place."

"I can't believe you're still defending them after what they did to you!"

"I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and hear them out…"

"Wait, wait, wait! Just who exactly did you run into at school?" Renee asked.

"Well, you said you wanted to tell them," Nessie said, looking at me expectantly.

"Umm… The Cullens are enrolled at school. I guess they decided to go to school here too…"

"The Cullens! You mean…!" Phil and Renee roared almost in unison.

"Yes…" I said.

"Which Cullens?" Renee asked. She sounded angry. "Not him…?"

I sighed and nodded. "Yes, I talked to him. There are four of them going to school with us. Alice and Jasper, Nessie's father, and a new girl I haven't met before named Lilly…"

"Oh my god! After all these years, they just turn up out of the blue at school? That's insane! Are you ok? How are you dealing with this…? Are you ok, Nessie?"

"I'm ok, grandma," Nessie said. "Alice is kind of cool, but I'm not really sure how to deal with my father yet… That's going to take some getting used too…"

"It wasn't strictly an accident, Mom. Alice said they've been looking for us for the last ten years… She figured out how to use her gift to look for me, and I guess it finally paid off… Alice can't see me with her gift anymore, the same way Edward couldn't read my mind. That's why she never came looking for me…"

"So what do we do now?" Phil asked. "Do we stay? Are we leaving? Can you deal with them being at school, or is that asking too much?"

"Umm… They kind of came by the house after school and we talked…"

"They followed you home!" Renee exclaimed. "Who followed you? What happened?" She asked angrily.

"It was …Edward…, and Alice. We talked… I told them about Nessie. She showed them some of our life, how she was born, how we've lived."

"How did that bastard take all of that?" Renee asked.

"Alright I guess… He was a little shocked."

"So what do you want to do, Bella?" Phil asked again.

"You and Renee haven't actually met them… well, Renee has, but she didn't know the truth then. They've invited us over to their house tonight so we can talk. Nessie and I are going. You're invited to come with us too if you'd like…"

"You're going to their house? Why? That bastard got you pregnant and then left you! They abandoned you ten years ago and left you to die! Now you're just going to run back to them like nothing happened?"

"No, I am not running back to him! He has a lot to answer for, and I haven't forgiven him, but I still miss the rest of the family. I understand what happened with Alice now, even if I'm not really ready to simply forgive her either. Esme and Carlisle were always good to me, and they deserve to meet their grand daughter. Besides, Carlisle is a doctor, and he knows what we are. Maybe he can give us some answers and help Nessie with her cramps."

Renee sighed. "Ok, I can see that. It would be nice to be able to talk to a doctor and maybe get some questions answered… Are you ok with this, Nessie?"

"I haven't forgiven him either, but I believe him when he says he didn't know mom was pregnant. I guess I'd like to get to know him… I have questions I'd like to ask too."

"Fine… So what time are we supposed to go to their house?" Renee asked.

"I guess after you close tonight. Alice gave Nessie directions how to get to their house."

We all looked at the clock. It was four thirty. Renee closed at six. It wouldn't be long now.

-O-

The Cullens must have open enrolled or given a fake address to be going to Mount Vernon high school. Nessie drove us north out of town, and then east along highway twenty before turning north again onto an unmarked road that wound into the forest. We were well north and west of Mount Vernon and closer to Sedro-Woolley than Burlington or Mount Vernon.

I guess it kind of made sense. I had wondered how we had possibly failed to run into them sooner or not picked up their scent while hunting, but there was a row of small communities that followed highway twenty east. We never ventured that far north to avoid the highway and the possibility of running into humans. Besides, there was plenty of good hunting South and East of us. Apparently the Cullens had the same thought, but had stayed north of the highway.

We were a couple of miles north of the highway when a couple of red paper Japanese lanterns marked a private drive. Even with our senses, we might have missed it the first time if it hadn't been marked. Nessie turned onto the drive, and I knew I wouldn't have any trouble finding it in the future if I decided I needed to come back here.

I knew it was a different driveway in a different forest in a different part of the state, but I could still feel a sense of déjà vu as we drove down the winding course through the woods back to the Cullens house. I could hear the river in the distance, and I knew it wasn't the Calawah River that had run past Forks, but it added to the sense of déjà vu and the nostalgia I felt for that house in Forks where so much had happened.

The last time I had been there with the family present had been at my disastrous eighteenth birthday party. Their house had seemed so eerie and deserted the next time I had been there. I didn't really know what to expect this time.

I was surprised when we broke out of the woods into a large meadow. The house stood close to the river, and was huge, but so very different from the big white three story mansion they'd lived in, in Forks. The house seemed to almost blend into the forest. It stood between several gargantuan cedars like the previous house, but the design was completely different. It was a more modern open architecture split level design built in stone and naturally stained wood and glass. The driveway formed a half circle in front of the entry, and then a service road led around to the back where there were additional out buildings. I assumed at least one of them would be a garage.

Nessie pulled up in front of the house to park and Phil stopped behind her and parked his truck. Phil and Renee seemed to be waiting for us to make the first move and waited for us to get out first.

"Mom, are you sure you're ready for this?" Nessie asked.

"No, but we're here. Let's get this over with, I guess. I really do want to see everyone. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to deal with your father again so soon."

"I'll run interference for you… ok? Just say the word or let me know, and I'll distract him.

"Ok…"

"I really do want to get to know him now that I've heard what happened from his own mouth. I don't forgive him for what he did to you… to us…, but I would like to spend some time talking to him. You're ok with that, right?"

"Of course, Nessie… Well, I guess we better get this over with."

I got out of the car, and everyone followed my example. Nessie came around and took my hand and Phil and Renée fell in behind us with semi-belligerent scowls on their faces. I glanced back at them and hoped they wouldn't cause trouble. They had made it clear from the beginning that they didn't believe Edward didn't know I was pregnant, and had never had anything nice to say about him. I led the way up the steps to the porch and knocked on the door.

The door opened almost immediately, and then Carlisle was standing in the doorway. He smiled warmly at me and stepped to greet me and to welcome us inside.

"Bella, it's so wonderful to see you after so many years." Carlisle said as he pulled me into a warm hug. I wasn't expecting it, but I allowed it and hugged him back. "Please come in. You're all welcome here. I must say, I'm most intrigued to hear about what you've been up to these last ten years…" It felt so good to have him hug me and accept me again after all these years… Like I was long estranged family finally come for a long overdue visit.

I stepped into the house when Carlisle released me. He welcomed us into the foyer and then closed the door. "Thank you for welcoming us into your home… Did Edward and Alice explain anything about us to you?" I could feel the barely restrained curiosity as he looked at Nessie, Phil and Renee.

Carlisle walked beside me as led me into the living room while the others followed. "No. Edward retired to his room upon returning home. He seemed… deep in thought. Alice simply stated the bare facts that she'd found you, and invited you over. Then she started rushing around making phone calls and preparing for your visit. I have to admit, I am most intrigued by your family. I don't think I've ever met another vampire quite like any of them before."

The house was neat and I could tell that the interior decorating was probably more reserved on a daily basis, but it was nicely decorated in a more gaudy style now. It reminded me of my eighteenth birthday with bowls of rose petals, candles and more of the Japanese paper lanterns scattered around. Alice must have been busy dashing around decorating since she'd gotten home.

"She was making phone calls?" I asked.

"I was at the hospital, and she wanted to make sure I would be home on time at the end of my shift. Sometimes I fill in for the other doctors when they need to leave and I cover their shifts if there's nothing pressing at home. I wouldn't have missed seeing you again for anything, Bella. I've missed you. She also wanted to make sure Emmett and Rosalie came over to visit for the reunion."

"Oh…" I sighed as we walked into the living room.

Trust Alice to make sure Rosalie was here for this. She'd never liked me, and had been upset over my desire to become a vampire. She'd never understood that I wanted this because of Edward. It was ironic that I'd been forced into this life because of what Edward and I had shared. The wheels of fate were already set in motion even after Edward was gone and no longer mine. I didn't expect her to understand why I had been forced to change even after Edward was gone.

They were all there, except for Edward.

The room was huge and took up at least half of this level of the house. The front and end walls were wood and stone and glass with huge windows that wrapped around the corner of the walls. The back wall was all glass from floor to ceiling with a huge sliding wall door. It opened onto a huge enclosed deck space with a swimming pool and view of the forest and river beyond.

There were several groupings of furniture. It appeared that there was normally an arrangement of couches and chairs as a conversation group, and another arrangement of couches and chairs around an entertainment center. The entertainment center was grouped around a sixty inch flat screen TV. There were various video games, DVD and Blue ray players and a large armoire that likely contained movies and games.

It looked as though some of the furniture had been rearranged to allow enough seating for all of us to sit comfortably to talk. Esme was standing by the end of one of the Sofa's nearest to us. Alice and Jasper were seated together on one of the love seats. Alice was positively beaming at us, while Jasper seemed slightly apprehensive. He looked positively contrite and apologetic when he looked at me, but more wary when he looked at Phil and Renee.

Emmett and Rosalie were seated on one of the sofas. Rosalie appeared guarded and hostile and glared at me mildly. I could tell she was displeased with my apparent choice at becoming a vampire despite the fact that I wasn't with Edward anymore. Emmett had a huge grin on his face, and I knew that at least he was happy for me.

And then there was the new girl, Lilly. She sat beside Emmett on his other side and seemed more curious than anything else. I didn't know anything about her, other than Edward said he'd saved her. Saved her from what? God, had he changed her to save her life? I'd simply die if that was the case. Everyone else in the house was mated. It seemed just too convenient that she and Edward both lived together in the same house. I found myself glaring at her and growling in my chest beneath my breath as I thought about her. She burrowed closer into Emmett's side at my apparently hostile attention. I restrained myself. I didn't know anything about her, and I doubted it was her fault that circumstances had worked out this way.

Esme came towards me as Carlisle led us into the living room. She had a wide smile on her face, but appeared anguished as well, as though she would have been crying unrestrainedly if it were possible. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a hug. She held me and sobbed and I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back.

I had missed Esme so. She had been like my surrogate mother when I lived in Forks and had always loved me without reservation from the first day Edward had brought me to meet his parents. I'd had Renee in my life again for the last ten years, and I'd only been separated from her for less than a year while I lived with Charlie in Forks, but Esme felt every bit as much my mother as Renee did.

"Oh, Bella! It's so good to see you. It hurt me so much when Alice told us all you were dead. I was distraught to think that anything had happened to you because Edward made us leave… I always held out hope that you'd come back to us again after Edward figured out you were still alive."

"I missed you too, Esme. I knew you wouldn't abandon me. I knew how much it must have hurt you to leave like that… But I knew you had to… Now we'll have time to catch up."

Esme let me go when Carlisle placed his hand on her shoulder, and she sighed and stepped back.

"Please sit down," Esme continued, "and you can introduce us to your companions… I remember your mother Renee from pictures, and this must be her husband Phil… I haven't had the pleasure of meeting your other companion…"

"It's a long story… Edward should be here for this… He already knows, but he's a part of all this… Carlisle said he was home?" I knew he'd hear me ask about him.

"Why, yes… Edward is home, but he's been locked in his room since he returned from your home…"

I didn't have to say anything else. I could hear the movement upstairs, and then moments later he was on the stairs. He walked into the room, but had to walk past us to get to the others to sit down. Phil looked at him angrily, and then stepped into his path as he made to walk past our group toward the furniture and the others.

"You're Edward Cullen?" He asked in a harsh voice.

"Yes, I am, Phil, although we're using Masen as a surname this time around in this town."

Phil nodded. "I just wanted to be sure." Then he hauled his arm back and punched Edward in the face. Edward flew back and landed on his back in a heap on the floor.

Everything happened very fast after that. Phil made no move to follow up his attack. He didn't pounce on him or even growl at him, but stood his ground. Emmett looked like he was going to leap up, but he relaxed back and guffawed with laughter when Phil didn't move to follow up the attack. Carlisle and Esme seemed shocked and Carlisle rushed to Edward's side. I could feel the waves of calm lapping at my mind, but again they had no effect on Nessie or me. Phil and Renée seemed to visibly calm down, though.

Renee grabbed Phil's arm, and yanked him back. "Phil! What the hell was that? We're guests here!" Nessie grabbed his other arm, but it wasn't necessary, he didn't try to pull away or attack Edward further.

I probably had the strongest reaction. I leapt between Edward's prone form on the ground and Phil, and landed in a defensive crouch. Only I wasn't defending Phil… I was facing off against him and growled at him while I defended Edward.

Phil and Renee seemed to slump slightly and relax as Edward stood up and dusted himself off. I straightened out of my crouch, mortified at my apparent defense of Edward after everything I had been through and hurried over to Phil once Edward was on his feet.

"What the hell, Phil? We're guests in this house, and you go and slug one of the people we're visiting! That was uncalled for!"

"You can forgive him if you want to," Phil exclaimed, "but I promised myself a long time ago that he wasn't going to get away with treating you the way he did. I might only be your stepfather, but the jerk had it coming! If you want me to back off, say the word, and I'll let you handle this, but he deserved at least that much!"

"It's alright, Bella." Edward said. "Phil is right. I deserved it. I knew his intentions, and I didn't try to avoid it…"

"You knew he was going to hit you, and you just stood there and took it?" I exclaimed, spinning around to look at Edward.

"As I stated, I deserved it…" Edward began. "He was well within his rights to react to me the way he did…"

"I can't believe you! You think you deserved that and didn't even try to defend yourself? He could have hurt you!" I knew what I sounded like, and I hated it, but I couldn't allow Edward to be harmed, anymore than I would have welcomed Phil hitting me.

I shook myself and stood up straighter. "Alright, enough of this caveman bullshit… I can deal with Edward on my own. Let's just sit down and talk, alright?" I turned to Carlisle. "That is of course if we're still welcome here. I'm very sorry, Carlisle. We'll leave if you feel we should…"

"No, Bella… These things are bound to happen from time to time. I can understand how Phil feels… and while I am caught in the middle, I can sympathize with his plight."

"Carlisle! Not you too?"

"You know I still think of you as a daughter, and seeing one of my girls treated the way you have been, and subjected to what you have had to endure affects me similarly. Although in my case it's more difficult because Edward is also my son, and I love him dearly as well, but he has ultimately been the cause of so much strife in recent years… It is my fervent hope than we can find some way to resolve these issues…"

"Let's all sit down and talk," Esme said. "I've missed you dearly, and I don't want you to go. I want to meet the rest of your companions and get to know you again and all of your family. So much has changed in the last ten years. Please, Bella, come sit…"

Esme ushered us into the room and we all found seats. Phil and Renee sat down on another love seat, but Renee kept a hold of his arm, and didn't seem like she was going to be releasing her grip on him anytime soon. I sat down on the end of a couch next to them, so I could get up and restrain Phil if necessary, and Nessie sat down beside me. Edward sat at the opposite end of the sofa next to Nessie, but left a comfortable space between them. Esme and Carlisle sat down in a pair of arm chairs at the head of the seating arrangement.

The silence in the room was deafening in its awkward silence as we all sort of sat and stared at each other. We had been moving towards a cordial formality as Carlisle and Esme greeted me and welcomed us to their home, but now it seemed that nobody knew what to say after what had happened between Edward and Phil. Phil silently fumed where he sat, but I knew he wouldn't attack again, while Edward sat silent and contrite. Emmett was eating this up, and if he'd been able, I'm sure he'd be sitting there with a huge bowl of popcorn, waiting to see what was going to happen next. Rosalie sat and glared, and Lilly seemed to have relaxed a little too, now that I wasn't glaring at her.

Jasper looked troubled as he tried to deal with the tension in the room. You didn't need to be an empath to feel the strained emotional atmosphere. Alice looked at me expectantly.

"You didn't say anything to anyone, Alice?" I finally asked.

She shook her head "I didn't want to ruin the surprise. This is all new to me. Usually I know what's going to happen. This is really kind of exciting, waiting to find out what's going to happen next just like everybody else."

I sighed and turned to look at Edward. "And you… You've been hiding in your room brooding all afternoon?"

Emmett let out a howl of laughter. "He's Edward, Bella. We've been putting up with him sulking and brooding in his room for ninety years. The only time he was ever happy was when he was with you. It actually got worse once he realized what a total ass he was for letting you go, and then couldn't find you. Maybe now he'll lighten up a little, now that he's found you again."

"Don't get your hopes up. I'm nowhere close to forgiving him for what he's done."

"That's cool, girlfriend. What's the fun of being a vampire if we can't be a little vindictive and hold a grudge? I always knew you make one feisty little vampire."

Rosalie let out an exasperated harrumph, and glared at Emmett, and then turned back to me. "Well, I guess you got what you wanted, and don't tell me you did it so you and Edward could be together forever. Are you happy now? You've had enough time to find out what this life is like. So have you been 'Miss Goody Two Shoes', or are we going to hear another tale of murder and death?"

"I have very few regrets. I've done what I had to do to survive, Rosalie. I won't bore you with the details but my record isn't clean…"

"Isn't clean?" Edward exclaimed. "The only person in this room with more blood on their hands is Jasper, and only because he was turned one hundred and forty-six years ago."

I looked at Jasper, and he was hanging his head in shame. I was angry that Edward would lash out like that and bring Jasper's past up as an example.

"That's not fair, Edward! Jasper tries to be good now, and he didn't know there was another way to survive for decades. He doesn't deserve that."

"Thank you, Bella," Jasper drawled, "but I am well aware of the choices I've made in my life. I accept responsibility for my actions."

"As do I, I've done what I felt was necessary…"

"Why don't you introduce us to the rest of your family now," Carlisle suggested. "Then we can discuss this some more once everybody knows everyone else. I'm truly intrigued to hear your story. Your family members aren't like any other vampires I've ever met."

"Yes, I suppose they are rather unique in the vampire world, but not as different as you might imagine. I'm sure most of you are at least passing familiar with my mother, Renee Dwyer. Sitting beside her is her husband, my stepfather, Phil Dwyer."

I turned to Nessie and squeezed her hand tighter and looked into her eyes. She nodded back, and then I turned to address Carlisle.

"And this young lady sitting next to me is my daughter, Nessie."

There were gasps and looks of confused shock and awe, but Rosalie was the first to respond.

"Your daughter? You mean your daughter in the sense that you turned her and made her a vampire?"

"No. Nessie was born like this. She's my biological daughter…"

"That's impossible! You've only been gone close to ten years, unless she was born before you knew us…"

"No, she was born on November eleventh, 2001. Edward is her father. She's half human, half vampire."

Rosalie was dumbstruck for a minute, and then her wrath turned on Edward. "You bastard! She was pregnant and you made us leave? Oh all the low down, dirty, underhanded things you could have possibly stooped to…! You ran away and left your pregnant girlfriend to fend for herself? You abandoned her in the forest, and then had the audacity to tell us we were leaving for her own good? No wonder Phil hit you! I want to hit you too!"

"Is this true, Edward?" Carlisle asked, staring at Edward with a look of profound disappointment.

"I didn't know… I never would have made us leave if I knew Bella was pregnant! I only wanted what I thought was best for her…"

"And that's the part that really disturbs me the most, Edward!" I yelled at him, "Just who the hell do you think you are to decide what's best for me? Who gave you the right to make my decisions for me? People who care about each other and love each other sit down and talk things out and decide together. I wasn't your goddamned pet! I thought I was your girlfriend. Now I know just how much more than that I am! I told you over and over what I wanted, but you wouldn't even discuss it with me. You made up your mind, and expected me to just drop it and go along with what you had decided."

"You were still human… I didn't think you could understand…"

"You arrogant bastard! Of course I could understand! Just because you can read other peoples minds doesn't make you omnipotent or omniscient! You had no right to decide for me or to leave to protect me! In the end, I suppose it didn't matter, except you were gone and I was left alone to deal with the consequences. Maybe I got to choose my fate by choosing to be with you all those years ago, but in the end, I didn't have anymore choice than Rosalie or Esme. At least I was alive to raise our daughter…"

"I don't understand, Bella." Carlisle said. "Perhaps you could elaborate. Why didn't you have a choice?"

"Well, I suppose I had the choice between living and dying. I chose to live as a vampire rather than dying a mortal death. It wasn't a normal pregnancy, Carlisle. The pregnancy only lasted two months…"

"Two months? I take it you know the exact date of conception?"

"Yes…"

"Sometime in September?"

"September 13, 2001, my eighteenth birthday…"

"Oh this just gets better and better!" Rosalie exclaimed "You goddamned dirty rotten bastard! You broke up with her two days after you had sex with her? And I suppose it was the first time!" Emmett had to physically restrain Rosalie from jumping off the couch to go after Edward.

"Rosalie! Language please!" Esme scolded her.

"You're going to call me on language? What do you have to say about Edward's conduct?"

"I suggest we allow Bella to recount her tale," Carlisle said, "and then we can discuss Edwards's behavior in private later. Suffice it to say that I am very disappointed in his decisions. Bella, would you care to continue please."

"Alright… I started to show and feel the baby after about three weeks on October third. That was when I finally figured out what was going on. I was having severe morning sickness, and I could barely keep solid food down. I decided I had to leave town or people would figure out that it wasn't a normal pregnancy. I discovered the money Alice had left me for school when I went to the bank to close my account."

"Alice left you money?" Carlisle asked, perplexed, and glanced at Alice.

"Yes, she left a twenty thousand dollar scholarship, but there were no restrictions, so I could spend it how I saw fit. That money probably saved countless human lives because it allowed us to rent a place to hide away from people when we were newborns."

"Well, thank you, Alice," Carlisle said.

"Anyhow, I knew I had to leave Forks to protect the secret and I needed help, but I had no idea who to turn to or what to do. I went to the house in Forks to try and find clues to where you had gone. I knew what I had with Edward was over, but I couldn't imagine the rest of you would abandon me if you knew the truth… That was when I found what else Alice had left for me…"

"Yes, my research venom." Carlisle said a little stiffly. "I was very upset with Alice about that for a long time. I take it that was how you facilitated your changes?"

"Just me, and it saved my life. I didn't use it gratuitously, and had you been there, I believe you wouldn't have begrudged me the necessity. It's the only thing that saved my life when Nessie was born. It was not a normal or natural child birth…"

"I can show you, Grandpa…" Nessie said, speaking for the first time.

Carlisle and Esme's eyes lit up at the appellation, as though they were realizing the significance of who Nessie really was for the first time.

Esme turned to me. "Nessie? That's a nick name." Then she turned to address Nessie. "What's your name dear?"

Nessie turned to me with a panicked look, but I squeezed her hand, and the turned back to Esme. "Her full name is Elizabeth Renesmee Swan, Elizabeth after Edward's mother. Her middle name is a combination of Renee and Esme. Unfortunately after she learned the truth about her father, she wouldn't let us call her Elizabeth anymore."

I saw Edward wince out of the corner of my eye, but I continued, regardless.

"Renesmee sounded too odd to her for her to allow us to call her that outside of the family, so Phil came up with Nessie as a nick name. Now days, she usually tells humans her name is Vanessa so she has an excuse to use Nessie."

"Renesmee?" Esme repeated with a wide smile. "Thank you, Bella, but I suppose I can see her point of view. It is a little odd and would attract undue attention."

"You named our daughter after my mother?" Edward asked.

"I do have a sense of continuity, Edward. Besides, you knew her name. I told you I'd named her for three of her grandmothers. You honestly didn't figure that out?"

"I had hope, but of course you hadn't explained your reasoning before."

"I remembered the story Carlisle had told me about your mother and how strong she had been. How she had practically sacrificed her own life so you'd survive. How she'd pleaded with him to save you with her dying breath. I knew none of this would have been possible without her sacrifice. I felt she deserved to be a part of our story. Of course Elizabeth Renesmee was my backup name when I was pregnant. I was convinced I was going to have a boy."

"You were?" Nessie asked in surprise.

"Well, I couldn't exactly go to the doctor and have an ultrasound done. It was a surprise until you were born."

"So the birth was difficult?" Carlisle prompted, curiously. "You mentioned you could show me. How might you accomplish that?"

"Nessie is gifted, Carlisle," I said. "She can project her memories and feelings and allow you to experience what she has. It requires physical contact…"

"Amazing! I would truly be most interested in whatever you'd be willing to share, but I'm curious about one thing first. Your daughter appears to be approximately seventeen years old, but she's only nine from the birthday you cited."

"Yes, that's true. She continued her accelerated growth that she had first exhibited in her two month gestation period after she was born. Her rate of growth began to taper of marginally after her birth, but she had full adult intelligence when she was six months old and appeared to be about equivalent to a three or four year old human by that time. She achieved this level of physical development by her seventh birthday, and I haven't recorded any major changes in her appearance or physical development since then. The majority of her human characteristics have faded as she's aged. I'm fairly convinced that she's stopped aging, although only time will tell."

"Astounding, truly astounding! Have you kept records of her growth?"

"Yes, she has extensive records of everything she could think of to measure, while I had to lay there and play lab rat. I suppose it helped her not to worry so much. For the longest time, she was convinced I was going to die of old age at fifteen. Personally I would have preferred to age a bit more so I at least looked twenty-something. C'mon, seriously, who wants to be a teenager forever?"

There was laughter and chuckles around the room. Apparently she'd hit upon a common gripe among most of the people present.

"That seems to be a common thread of conversation I've heard before. It's been a sore subject for decades among us. Now, if you don't mind, Nessie dear, I'd like to see what you'd be willing to share with me with your gift…"

"Alright…" Nessie stood up to approach Carlisle's chair.

"Nessie, you'll be nice, right?" I asked a little apprehensively.

She looked back at me and smiled. "Not a problem, mom. I can do G-rated."

"G-rated?" Carlisle asked with a grin. "I'll have you know I've been around the block a time or two, and I am a doctor after all. You don't need to protect my sensibilities."

"Oh, you'll get the full details of what you need to know. There were just some things I showed my father that he needed to know about our lives."

Nessie held out her hand to Carlisle, and he reached for her hand and took it. He seemed intrigued with her standing so close to him.

"Your hand is warm, almost human body temperature, and I can feel your pulse. I'd almost say you were human, but your scent isn't. It smells of vampire with just the lightest of human undertones…"

"Yes, I still have some human characteristics, but our diet is mostly the same. I can metabolize human food if necessary, although most of it tastes and smells disgusting. I have most of your strength and speed, but not quite as much endurance. I can sleep if I choose to, my body is almost as durable as yours, and I heal almost as fast."

"Truly amazing, the perfect mix of traits… Truly the best of both worlds… What about the bloodlust? Do you crave human blood?"

"Not how you mean. I have no bloodlust… My throat doesn't burn with the thirst, but I am driven by my instincts. I know humans are our natural prey animal, and there are times when I have difficulty understanding why mom refuses to live as she's intended to by her nature."

"I see feeding on humans as a kin to cannibalism. We all used to be human…"

"You all used to be human. I never was. I was born to this life. We are humanities predator, but we can discuss this later. Are you prepared?"

Carlisle nodded.

Nothing outwardly overt happened, but Carlisle's eyes took on a slightly glazed look as though he was seeing something other than what he was viewing from the sensory input from his own senses. His face held an expression of rapt attention and blissful wonder as he appeared to be completely enthralled by what he was being shown. It didn't last for long, and then Nessie stepped back as she released his hand.

"Amazing, your life has been truly remarkable…"

"That was quite the G-rated version. Why couldn't you have shared that with me instead?" Edward said.

"Because you're my father, and you needed to be aware of certain realities," Nessie said, turning toward Edward.

"Wait, I thought you said you couldn't read her mind? How did you see that too?" I asked.

"I can't read Nessie anymore than I can read you, but I can read Carlisle, and I could see what she was showing him. As she said, it was the G-rated version; the basic facts of her existence. How she was born, her accelerated growth, her hunting habits and basic abilities, places you've lived and how she learned and assimilated into society. It paints your life in a most favorable light, without all the gritty details and rampant bloodshed."

I shrugged, and Nessie returned to her seat beside me. "My life is my life. I've done what I needed to do to survive. Once bare survival wasn't a necessity anymore, I continued because I felt I was having a positive affect on the world as a whole. I seriously do not regret how I've lived, except for some of my accidents, and I can't say any of them were a total loss. I've never shed innocent blood."

"Might I inquire as to what exactly these decisions have entailed?" Carlisle asked curiously. "Edward keeps alluding to certain aspects of your life that he seems to take issue with. Would you care to share more on this subject, Bella?"

Edward reached into his pocket and handed Carlisle a card. I assumed it was the business card I had given him earlier this evening. I didn't mind. I had given him the card with the intention that he deliver it to Carlisle so he'd have my contact information. Carlisle perused the card and his eyebrows rose as he studied it.

"Swan and Associates Private Security? Dr. Isabella M. Benett, Security Specialist. It appears that you have been rather busy these last ten years." Carlisle turned to Alice. "How is it that you failed to turn this up in all the years you've been searching? The company is incorporated in Ohio."

Alice shrugged. "It wasn't exactly the sort of business I would have expected Bella to start. I'm sure it's turned up in searches I've run, but it still takes time to sift through millions of search results, and something like that would have been a low priority I probably would have filtered out. Now a bookstore or a teacher maybe I could believe, but c'mon. How many of us would have pictured Bella as a vigilante and bounty hunter?"

"Vigilante?" Carlisle asked.

"She hunts human criminals, Carlisle." Edward said. "Often operating outside the legal system, and killing them as often as not…"

"I do what I have to do to protect the secret. I only kill them when my true nature is revealed or if they resist apprehension. A lot of the time I'm able to turn them over to the authorities for prosecution."

"Badass!" Emmett exclaimed. "I knew you were gonna kick ass as a vampire when you were turned!"

"This is an interesting career choice, Bella…" Carlisle said carefully. "Normally we try to maintain a low profile and avoid contact with most aspects of the human world so we can live our lives quietly in peace…"

"I understand that, Carlisle. I realize I've chosen a different path. The Volturi didn't seem too upset about my career choice. They found nothing wrong with hunting criminals as long as I was discrete and followed the rules."

"You've had dealings with the Volturi?" Carlisle asked in a surprised tone of voice.

"Dmitri and Felix came looking for me when I was a newborn in South Dakota. They were mostly curious and wanted to make sure I understood the rules. They weren't upset with what I was doing, and actually claimed that a lot of new vampires start off the same way."

"I can see that," Jasper said contemplatively. "Criminals were a major source of recruits when I was still living in the south. They were less likely to balk at the lifestyle we introduced them to, and they were less likely to be noticed missing. I suppose catching them at the right time could prove most lucrative."

"So let me get this straight," Rosalie said. "You hunt down human criminals and then rob them for a living? Only sometimes you kill them when they resist or they figure out that you aren't human? How does that make you any better than the criminals you hunt?"

"I never claimed I was. I live according to my own sense of right and wrong. Let me ask you this. If you came across two groups of criminals making a drug deal, one group selling sacks of poison to put up for sale on the streets, and the other buying that poison to sell to kids and anyone willing to buy it, would you turn a blind eye and let them conduct their business?"

"I'd call the police, and turn them in."

"Ok. I can see that option. If possible, I usually turn them in to the cops too, only I keep the cash."

"How about this; you're out hunting and you find a place where a serial rapist has been dumping young girls bodies. You track him down, but when you find him, he has no criminal record or any prior arrests. He's been careful and has never been caught before for as much as a speeding ticket. If you turn him in, he'll be released within twenty-four hours because there's no physical evidence linking him to the case. You can't exactly go to the police and tell them you smelled him and know he did it. Do you let him walk away?"

"I… I don't know what I'd do… I'd have to be there to know…"

"It was an easy decision for me. I caught him in the act. The girl was thirteen years old. He isn't raping anymore little girls now."

"He didn't just die though, did he?" Edward asked.

"No… There was a fight and he cut himself with the knife he had. The bloodlust was too strong… I didn't hurt the girl though. I left her for the paramedics."

"You wouldn't have accidents like that if you weren't looking for trouble…"

"You know, I used to say the same thing, Edward," Renee said, "but then I realized the good that Bella does. She might operate outside the legal system, and I don't like the fact that she kills some of these criminals she stops, but overall, she makes a difference in the world. It's not in her nature to simply stand by and let bad things happen around her when she has the ability to make a difference."

"You approve of what she does?" Edward asked incredulously.

"I don't necessarily approve of everything she does, no, but I understand and accept it. A lot of what she does now is perfectly legitimate work. I'm proud of the fact that she's had to make tough decisions, and I think they were the right decisions most of the time. She could have quit and walked away a long time ago, but it's not like her to bury her head in the sand and turn a blind eye to what's going on in the world around us."

"I can't believe you actually encourage her! This sounds extremely dangerous… The potential for exposure alone…"

"It's not like she's flying by the seat of her pants, or making this up as she goes," Phil said. "She's had extensive training and education in this field of study."

"Yes, I can see that," Carlisle said. "What exactly is your doctorate in, Bella?"

"I have a PhD in Criminology. My bachelor's degree is in criminal justice, but I did my masters in criminology. I also hold special certifications in crime scene investigation and private investigation. I consult with law enforcement as a criminologist and profiler, and also take clients for personal security and fugitive retrieval. That's really made up the bulk of my practice for the last three years. Nessie and I still dabble in crime fighting, but we haven't done a really big bust since we were living in Chicago."

"You've involved our daughter in you career as well?"

"It's been sort of a family business since the beginning…"

"Do Phil and Renee help out as well?"

"No, not really. Mom was never really too enthusiastic about my career choice, and Phil has been mostly behind the scenes support. He had some experience with rough neighborhoods growing up and traveling when he used to play ball. He gave me my first lessons in how to be streetwise, the basics of how to fight and use a gun. He taught me how to find the people I needed to meet to get what we needed to survive. It all really started off with me trying to buy papers and fake IDs, and kind of escalated from there.

"Truth be told, I preferred knowing that Phil was home to take care of Nessie and mom if something happened to me. He was kind of like my insurance policy in the early days to get them out safely if something happened to me. Phil works as a freelance sports photographer now, and Renee has her own career running a check cashing store and payday loan company. She has experience with that kind of work, and it seemed like a good way for us to filter cash back into the system."

"Why would you want to open that kind of business?" Edward asked. "Those companies simply prey upon people that can't adequately manage their money, and trap people into an endless cycle of repeat loans. It's like you're charging them a fee to use their own money."

"We don't force people to use our service," Renee said. "Besides, it was the perfect sort of job for me. I'll be the first to admit my control isn't the greatest, but I was bored sick sitting home all the time. This type of business allows me to work around people with out having to deal with people continuously. It helps when there's a thick window of bullet proof glass between you and the customers, and you talk to them through an intercom."

"If you can't be around people, why take the chance at all…"

"Don't put words in my mouth, Edward! You're still far from being in my good graces. Simply because I don't think Phil should fight with you doesn't mean I particularly like you. You've done nothing but lie to me as long as I've known you. You've lied to me, you've lied to Bella, and now you have the audacity to question my choice of profession.

"I didn't say I couldn't be around people. I simply feel uncomfortable around humans sometimes and prefer not to take chances. I'm sure you know exactly what I mean. This sort of work allows me to get out of the house and have a career without constantly having humans in my face."

"I apologize for lying to you, but you were still human at the time. I was obligated to protect the secret. Actually I'm glad we've had this opportunity to clear the air. I assume Bella has told you the truth about what happened in Phoenix. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you the truth then, but it wasn't something we can simply share with people."

I noticed Lilly perk up and stiffen when Edward mentioned Phoenix. She winced as though something painful was associated with the memory.

"Well, thank you for at least acknowledging your lie. I'm willing to move on. I understand why you couldn't tell the truth, but I still don't like it."

"Carlisle, I've made our introductions, but Renee, Phil, and Nessie might not be familiar with everyone in your family, and you have a new addition since you lived in Forks. Maybe you could bring us up to speed?"

"Of course, Bella, I've totally forgotten my manners." Carlisle proceeded to point out his family and name them for us. "You're all familiar with Edward. He's been with me the longest. Esme joined me next, and is my mate and constant companion. I found Rosalie next and she in turn found Emmett and brought him home. Rosalie and Emmett are mates as well. Alice and Jasper found us next. They came to us because Alice had seen them joining our family.

"Our newest edition is Lilly, Miss Lillian Bailey…"

"Lillian Bailey… That name seems familiar." Renee said. Then she turned to Phil. "Didn't the family that bought our old house in Phoenix have a daughter named Lilly?"

"I think so…"

"They did," Edward said. He turned to look at Lilly. "Would you like to tell them, or should I?"

"Please, Edward…" Lilly said. "I still have difficulty talking about it."

"As you wish," Then he turned back to Phil and Renée. "Lilly is the daughter of the people who bought your house in Phoenix when you moved to Florida, although she was only sixteen at the time. You are aware of what actually transpired when James chased Bella when she was still human. What you don't know is that Victoria was determined to exact revenge upon my family for killing James. Victoria returned to the Seattle area with the intention of Killing Bella to make me suffer.

"After the events that led to mine and Bella's separation…"

"You mean when you broke up with her and abandoned her in the forest." Renee said bitterly.

"Yes, well… I decided I had to deal with Victoria to keep Bella safe. I tracked her to Seattle, but she discovered I was hunting her and she fled south. I followed her to Southern California but she eluded me. She took a bus to Phoenix, hiding inside the tinted window interior to allow her to travel during the day. She allowed me to see her destination in her mind. She wanted me to chase her."

"Our old house!" Renee exclaimed. "Oh my god, Lilly! I'm so sorry… I thought that nightmare was over…"

"Not quite over, no. I traveled to Phoenix as quickly as I could, but I was hours behind Victoria. The Bailey's were dead when I arrived, but Victoria had bitten Lilly in an effort to delay me. She was already changing, and I couldn't simply leave her there."

"Where did you find her?" I asked.

"In your old bedroom. She was lying in bed, burning when I got there."

"Why would Victoria do that?" I asked, shocked.

"I'm sure you can figure it out, Bella. She did it to be cruel. She was in your house in the room you grew up in, and she looked so much like you she could have been your twin. Victoria did it to hurt me. She knew I couldn't leave her there."

"What did you do?"

"What do you think? Alice called me and told me what to do so I could continue chasing Victoria. I took Lilly to a motel and left her there until Alice came for her. She took her back to Alaska before she woke up, and Jasper saw to her training. It was a good experience for both of them."

"I have to say Edward is correct," Jasper said. "I had never trained a newborn not to hunt humans. I must admit, I had some preconceived notions about newborns and how they learn and react to their environment. It was an eye opening experience that both Lilly and I benefited from. So far, Lilly has excellent control, and has never tasted human blood."

"So what you're saying is she probably never would have even been turned if Edward hadn't been a total ass and walked out on me. She's lived the life I would have led if he hadn't left me."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Jasper! You know why I did what I did!" Edward exclaimed, shocked at what Jasper had admitted.

"Yeah, and I told you, you were wrong then. You should have never walked away."

"But…"

"All you've done is cause more grief for the people around you because you insist that you know what's best for everyone else! It's clear that you don't. Leaving Bella only caused a rift to form between you! You didn't prevent her from becoming a vampire, and now three other people have been turned against their will as a direct result of your actions.

"You drove Victoria into Lilly's bedroom, and I'm assuming Phil and Renee are the way they are because you drove Bella away from us. You seem to take issue with the career she's chosen, but she was forced into that life because of you. I can't say I blame her, and I find nothing wrong with her chosen career. I actually admire her resolve to take action and try and make a difference in the world. It's clear that she knows what she's doing, and has done what she's had to do to protect the secret."

"Thank you, Jasper." I said. I agreed with everything he had said, and I was grateful, but this was rapidly turning into an Edward bashing session, and as much as I was mad at him, I still felt the need to protect him. It was time to change the subject.

"Rosalie, Edward said you and Emmett were running a garage."

Rosalie seemed to perk up a little. This was something that was near and dear to her heart. "Yes, we are. Do you need a tune up or something?"

"Well, I might be interested in seeing what you can do to my S4. It's a 2005, but if you can get some more power out of it, I might hold onto it a little longer instead of upgrading."

"An Audi V8?"

"Yes, with the manual transmission."

"I know a couple of tricks. Let me have it for a couple of days, and I'll see what I can do."

"Ok. Are you authorized to do factory maintenance on BMW motorcycles?"

"You ride motorcycles? Yes, I'm authorized to do factory maintenance. What kind of bike do you have?"

"Nessie got me interested in bikes. She bought one when I told her she couldn't buy a car…"

"You didn't say I couldn't buy a motorcycle. You were very specific…"

"And you split hairs finer than your Aunt Alice."

"Hey! How is this my fault?" Alice asked.

"Because if I didn't know better, I'd say you'd been giving her lessons in how to get her own way for the last ten years." Then I turned back to Rosalie. "We have a pair of BMWR1200GS Adventures, and they're about due for regular maintenance and a tune up."

"That is so cool!" Emmett said. "Are they fast?"

"Oh… 'bout 200mph on a straight away." Nessie said. "They'll cruise at 150mph easily on decent roads, less off-road."

"They're off-road capable as well?" Jasper asked. "I have a Ducati that Alice and I take out occasionally, but it's strictly for road use."

"Yes, the Adventure is one of BMW's enduro series bikes. It uses electronic suspension adjustment to switch between road suspension and off-road suspension on the fly."

"That does sound interesting. I might have to borrow one some time to give it a try."

We talked cars and bikes for a while. The atmosphere became friendlier, and Emmett struck up a conversation with Phil about sports and photography and different teams they liked. Esme approached Renee and got her talking about what it was like having Nessie around and what she was like growing up. Nessie got involved in that conversation to make sure Renee got the facts right.

Rosalie didn't seem so belligerent now. She seemed to accept me more now that she knew what had happened. I suppose I'd made some correct choices about my life from her point of view. She seemed enchanted by the fact that Nessie was my daughter, and I hadn't simply changed because I wanted to be a vampire, but because it was my only option. I didn't have the heart to tell her I would have done it regardless, and I didn't regret my life. All things considered, I liked being a vampire, and I could totally sympathize with Emmett. This life was so much better than my human life had been, even if I did have issues with Edward.

Eventually we ended up discussing what the Cullens had been up to for the last ten years. In all honesty, it seemed a little boring to me. It was so much like how they had lived in Forks, only the place names had changed.

"Anyhow, after Edward and I lost your trail in South Dakota, we pretty much went home." Alice said. "We went to Alaska for a while until Lilly could be around people. We spent another year there while we dug for clues, but you did a good job of covering your tracks. Edward took some side trips to follow up on leads, but we never found anything concrete."

"Eventually the four of us rejoined the rest of the family in New Hampshire. Emmett and Rosalie were already attending college, so Jasper and I started classes too, a year behind them."

"What about Edward and Lilly? Didn't they go to school with you too?"

"Well, Lilly had never finished high school," Rosalie said, "so they enrolled in the local high school so Lilly could get her diploma. Edward went with here to keep her out of trouble and so she wouldn't be alone. It was her first time doing school as a vampire, so we all thought it would be good for him to be there…"

They could obviously see the look on my face and hear the rumbling in my chest. Intellectually, I could see where it was a good idea, but I really didn't like it on an instinctive level.

"It was perfectly innocent, Bella," Alice said. "Nothing happened. Edward and Lilly aren't like that. They aren't really together… They just pretended while they were at school…"

"Edward was gone most of the time anyhow when we weren't in school." Rosalie continued. "He was searching for you for years, but he never found any solid leads. Apparently he was searching in the wrong places, looking for the wrong clues."

"After we graduated again, we took some time off." Alice continued. "Edward and Lilly did the college thing after high school. Esme even took some classes to help her out."

"So, this is your first return to high school since Forks?"

"For me and Jasper, of course Edward and Lilly did high school in New Hampshire. Rosalie and Emmett have declined to join us this time around."

"And it's a good thing too." Rosalie commented. "Can you imaging how much attention we'd gather if there were eight of us going? I thought five was too many before Lilly joined us. Six is going to be hard enough."

"It should be easier to fit in and be anonymous in a bigger school, Right? Besides, it's not like we have a ton of classes together. We only share one class…"

"That was the green day schedule, Bella." Alice reminded me. "What classes do you have tomorrow for white day?"

"Oh… Umm…AP English, Art, Spanish, and then US History II after lunch."

Alice nodded. "AP English with Mrs. Jensen?"

"Yes…"

"Art with Ms. Bergeron?

"Yes…"

"Spanish with Senior Flores, and US History II with Mr. Abrams?

I sighed, "Yes…"

"Ok, you have me, Jasper, and Lilly in AP English, me and Lilly in Art Class, Edward and Jasper in Spanish, and Jasper and Lilly in History."

I sighed again. "Nessie has the same schedule as me, so she's in all of the same classes too. I suppose that isn't so bad. I only have one class tomorrow with Edward. I can survive that."

Rosalie looked down for a minute, as though she was lost in thought, then she looked up and looked me in the eye.

"Bella, I get it that you're totally pissed off at him… You have every right to be. I'm pissed off at how he's treated you too, so don't take this the wrong way… You know what's going on, right? You know why you're feeling certain things and feel like you need to defend him, right?"

"Yes… I know… I hate it, but I know what's going on... Sometimes I just wish it was as simple as him breaking up with me and having to deal with my ex being in the same town, but this is so much worse… Do you want to know what really pisses me off though?"

"What…?" Rosalie asked.

"He knew when I was still human and he lied to me about what was happening to us. He knew what I was to him even then, and he still left me. He knew it Rosalie, and played it off like it was something any human would feel if they were dating a vampire."

"Are you sure…?" She asked, shocked.

"Jesus Christ, we were practically shooting sparks when we were together! I'm surprised we didn't light up in the dark, and I was still human! I could tell when he stepped into a dark room just from the electricity pulsing between us the second he entered! He could feel everything I felt. Hell, I asked him about it, and he lied to me! He already knew he was going to leave. He was just trying to work up the strength to do it. What happened on my birthday was just the final straw that broke the camels back. It just made up his mind for him."

Rosalie and Alice gasped in shock, and then both glared at Edward where he was sitting speaking quietly with Carlisle.

"That arrogant Bastard!" Rosalie hissed. "We suspected there might be more than a simple relationship between you, but we didn't think it had gone that far because he was so adamant that you stay human. We thought if you were bonding that he'd be forced to change you. I thought it hadn't gotten that far because he was able to leave… I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Thank you, Rosalie… I just don't know how to deal with this now. I know what we share, but he walked out on me. He knew what I was to him, and he turned his back on that and left me there in the forest. How can I possibly forgive that? So he changed his mind later. Big deal. How do I know that isn't simply him giving in to instinct and nature forcing his hand?"

"Does it matter? Alice asked. "You know it's inevitable. How long do you think you can fight this?"

"As long as I have to. He rejected me and walked out on our relationship after he knew what we shared. He can't possibly expect me to simply welcome him back with open arms after what he's done. If I have any shred of self respect at all, then at least for the rest of this eternity or until hell freezes over. I can be very stubborn when necessary."

I noticed that Edward must have been following our conversation as well. He excused himself and left the room. From what I could tell, he left the house as well. I didn't mind. I'd had ten years to come to terms with this. Some space now was good for both of us.

I had suspected at first, and then I'd known for sure after I'd met Garrett and learned the truth. I was bonded to Edward, and he was my soul mate. We were bonded for all eternity, and would be unable to find happiness or love with any other partner. Perhaps it was ironic that he had lived in torment for so long because he was alone, and then when he finally did find his mate he had horribly botched the experience so that now both of us were just as miserable as he had been all along.

This was so much worse than a bad marriage gone wrong, or an on again off again relationship with a boyfriend you just couldn't seem to let go of. There was no divorce possible for us, and breaking up only put distance between us, but didn't end the relationship. No, the sick fact of the matter was that this was it for both of us. It simply was not physically or emotionally possible for either of us to love anyone else.

Oh we could pretend. We could have other lovers, just as I had been able to be with Garrett when I only suspected the truth, but that was all it was. A lie with nothing deeper possible between either of us and whoever else we were with. I wasn't shallow enough or desperate enough to want that kind of relationship with somebody else.

I had figured I could go on some dates while we went to school to help Nessie out and help her make a connection with humans. It was a necessary evil if I was going to go to dances or certain functions and social events with her. It wasn't like I was really looking for any kind of relationship. It was just high school dating for fun. I figured I could play the game and say the right things as long as they knew that there was no love involved and it was just for fun. I had no intention of letting things get beyond holding hands and a couple of kisses if necessary, but having Edward show up here made even that sham very difficult.

An intense jealousy was an integral part of the bond we shared between us. I didn't want to feel it and I fought it, but it was purely instinctual, and I had very little control over it. The simple fact that I was fighting my relationship with Edward only intensified it and made it worse. It was why I reacted badly to Lilly, although I knew she was probably just as innocent in this situation as everyone claimed she was. I knew how Edward would react if he saw me with other boys. Perhaps it said something about the perverse nature of my psyche, but I wanted to see him struggle like I did. I knew I would end up testing his resolve and control before this was all said and done. Hopefully there wouldn't be too many deaths involved.

My conversation with Alice and Rosalie had effectively ended when I found myself lost in thought. They had tried to continue at first but had relented and discussed the situation quietly amongst themselves when they realized I wasn't responding anymore. I was broken out of my reverie when Jasper came over to join us.

"Excuse me for intruding, Bella. I was wondering if I could have a word with you."

Having Jasper walk up to me and actually speak to me was a new and shocking enough experience to get my attention. I had spoken to Jasper on occasion in the past, but he had always maintained his distance, and our conversations had been few and far between. I was intrigued with what he had to say.

"Of course, Jasper…"

"Would you care to step outside for a minute? I would prefer to speak to you privately."

"Alright… We aren't going to run into Edward, are we?" I asked as I followed Jasper to the door.

"No. I'm not taking you to him, and I'm sure you'd know it if he was anywhere nearby. Edward's gone for a run. I'm seriously glad I'm not a deer or a mountain lion tonight. I doubt if he'll return before morning to dress for school."

Jasper led me out through the sliding wall and past the pool out into the backyard proper, and then indicated that I should follow him as he started to jog towards the river and then began to run. I followed and leapt the river behind him. He stopped when we were out of earshot of the house at a small outcropping of rock overlooking the river. There were a couple of large flat rocks that looked as though they'd been arranged here. Jasper indicated that I should have a seat, but he remained standing, pacing nervously rather than sitting down on the other rock.

"What's wrong, Jasper?" I asked. "You seem nervous…"

"I've been thinking about what I would say to you in this situation for ten years now, and now that I'm finally faced with the opportunity, words escape me… I didn't have all the facts before, Bella… Now I know just how much worse I've made everything. I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for what happened on you eighteenth birthday. I was weak and gave in to my baser urges. Everything that's happened to you is in part my fault…"

"No! You can't blame yourself for this Jasper! This is between me and Edward!"

"He wouldn't have left if I hadn't snapped at you… He didn't have the strength to leave you. His resolve was weakening. He still had a long ways to go, but eventually he would have seen reason and realized that he had to change you. If it wasn't for me and my weakness, he would have been around long enough to know you were pregnant. Everything would have been different…"

"I suppose that's a possibility, but he made the decision to leave. I need to apologize to you, Jasper…"

"You have nothing to apologize for, Bella. It was my fault for what happened…"

"Oh quit playing the martyr, Jasper. I know exactly how hard it was for you to resist that night. You don't know everything that you were up against… That afternoon before we went to the party was my first time with Edward… With anyone… I was bleeding, Jasper. It was light and normal, even expected after what we'd done. I'd put a panty liner in my underwear when I got dressed, but it just soaked up the blood and wicked it away from my skin…"

"Menstrual blood doesn't normally affect us that way, Bella, as I'm sure you're well aware…"

"It wasn't menstrual blood, Jasper. It wasn't my period. I was bleeding because I wasn't a virgin anymore. It was fresh blood, and I know how that affects us. I wanted to get away to the ladies room to check the panty liner, but there was no time. Everything happened before I had the chance. I should have made Alice wait, and excused myself to go to the restroom and check, but I was embarrassed what you'd all think or say if I did, so I waited."

"You shouldn't have to apologize for being human, Bella… Alice explained this to me. She knew what had happened, but it still doesn't excuse my actions that night."

"You shouldn't have to apologize for being a vampire, Jasper. I understand. I never blamed you, Jasper, but if it makes you feel any better, I accept your apology. We've all been there… I know what its like. I know how hard it can be. Can we just be friends now and move past this?"

He finally seemed to relax and sat down on the other flat rock.

"Of course, Bella, It is much easier to be your friend now that I don't want to kill you all the time. I'd like to think that I've always been your friend. I just had to keep my distance before."

"I've always considered you to be my friend too, Jasper. It hurt when Edward took you all away from me. I couldn't believe he had that much power to make all of you leave like that…"

"He didn't, but circumstances just worked out that way. Rosalie and Emmett had already left of their own accord. Rosalie had issues back then that made her not want to accept you."

"Yes, we've talked. I understand her reasoning now."

"I know what she told you. There's more to it than what she's told you, but that isn't an issue anymore. Of course Emmett was going to be wherever Rosalie was. He told Edward he was an idiot for leaving, but he let him make his own choice. I had to leave after that night. I had fundamental issues of guilt and weakness that I had to resolve…"

"Jasper!"

"No, I had to go. I couldn't live with my sense of betrayal… I already considered you part of the family, Bella. You were like a sister to me and I knew you were Edward's mate. I knew what it would have done to him if I killed you. I needed distance and time to come to terms with what I had done. Of course Alice left with me. She wouldn't let me go through that alone, but it forced her to leave you too."

"Yes, Alice explained why she left…"

"She fought with him over you, Bella. She didn't want to leave, and she knew what it would do to you. She made him promise to check on you after six months, but of course you were already long gone. Alice came back to leave the venom and the money for you, but all of her visions were jumbled after that night. The future had been carefully laid out and was moving toward its logical conclusion before that accident with the paper cut. She didn't know what was going to happen then, but she wanted to give you choices. She was convinced you'd change yourself and then come up to Denali looking for us."

"Only I figured out I was pregnant first, and couldn't change then. I knew if I used the venom before Nessie was born, it would have killed her. My body would have rejected her and aborted the pregnancy when I burned through the change. I had to wait until she was born, and then it was the only thing that could save me."

"So you're like the rest of us in that regard then."

"I still would have done it anyhow, Jasper. If Nessie had been delivered naturally and I was healthy and whole after she was born, I still would have injected the venom to start the change. I don't regret this life. I was destined to be a vampire, Jasper. Regardless of what Edward might think, I wanted this."

"I suppose it's not a bad life the way you and Carlisle live here in the north. I've certainly had more than my fair share of years and it's not so bad having Alice to share my life with. But what about you? Are you content to be alone? You know, if you…"

"I have Nessie and Phil and Renee. I'm not lonely, and Nessie fills the void in my life that Edward created when he left. I don't need him, Jasper."

"Ok…, but he ne…"

"Not yet, Jasper, Ok? This is all still too new. I need more time to deal with all of this, ok? I'm not ready to deal with his needs yet. He still has a lot to answer for."

"Alright, I can accept that."

"What about Carlisle and Esme?"

"Excuse me? I don't understand…"

"You told me why everybody else left. Why did they let him get away with it?"

"Carlisle deferred to Edward's judgment, and accepted his decision. He assumed he hadn't bonded as deeply as he obviously had because he was capable of leaving. Unfortunately I was in no condition to fight for you and give the lie to the nature of your relationship. It's another case of me falling short of what was required of me when you needed me most. I'm sure if Carlisle had known the truth or had all the facts about how far your relationship had progressed, he wouldn't have let Edward talk them into leaving.

"Esme was distraught. She realized what our leaving would do to both of you. It devastated her, but she comes from another generation in another time, and she deferred to Carlisle's decision to accept Edward's request that they leave."

"Well, I'm definitely not a shrinking violet anymore. I can stand up to Edward, and I wouldn't have let him get away with that crap now. If nothing else, the last ten years have forced me to grow a backbone and learn to stand up for myself. He isn't going to control my life and dictate to me how I should live."

"And that's exactly what he needs, Bella. You complement each other. He's brilliant, but arrogant and thinks he's always right. He needs somebody to call him on his crap and not let him get his way all the time. That's what being mates is all about."

"So not ready to go there yet, Jasper."

"I understand. Just thought I'd put it out there so you're thinking about it though."

"We should head back. I still have to talk to Carlisle before we leave tonight."

I got up off the rock, and Jasper got up too. I let him lead the way and we started a leisurely trek back to the house while we chatted.

"Ok. So how is Nessie adapting to high school? This is her first time, isn't it?"

"It's challenging for both of us, but that's mainly just adapting to being in school. It's her first time physically attending school with humans, yes. It's a first for me too in that regard, but she finished high school three years ago. She's almost done with her undergraduate degree now."

"Really, how did she manage that if this is the first time she's gone to school?"

"This is the modern age, Jasper. You know, the internet isn't just for porn and shopping. She went to a virtual high school online."

"I've heard of online college courses before. I didn't realize there was online high school too."

"Yes, there are even online home school programs for grade school equivalents. I did most of my college work online. There were some lab classes that required I attend an actual college for a couple of weeks, and some field study experience and interning that required meeting the professor at a variety of locations, but for the most part, it was all independent study and group projects in an online virtual environment."

"Huh. Amazing, I guess I'm behind the times. So what is Nessie majoring in?"

"She's studying Business administration with a concentration in computer systems management. She's been running the business side of our company and doing most of my research work since she was three years old. She's remarkably adept at setting up wire taps, hacking bank records, researching criminal records and anything else information or technology related that we need. She handles relations with our attorneys as well."

"Now you're just making me feel old and inadequate, Bella" Jasper laughed. "That's what I do for our family. Maybe I'll have to sit down with my niece and see if she can teach me any new tricks."

"I wouldn't be surprised if she could. She amazes me with what she can come up with sometimes."

We were back at the house now and walking up on the porch as we made our way to the door back into the house.

"It was really good talking to you, Jasper."

"This was something I've needed to do for a long time, Bella. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask. I'll be there for you next time. You have my word on that."

"Thanks, Jasper. I need to speak with Carlisle now."

He nodded, and we walked into the house. It looked like everyone was getting along together now. It appeared that Nessie was using her ability to show the others the 'G-rated' version of our life that Carlisle had seen. I assumed she was tailoring it to her audience to show them the parts they'd be interested in. Renee was chatting with the girls now, and Lilly had joined the conversation. Phil was chatting with Carlisle and Emmett, and seemed to be staying out of trouble. Edward hadn't returned.

I walked over to where Carlisle was speaking with Phil and Emmett. I could see Phil was enjoying himself. He usually had to wait until he was out on the road to indulge in sports related discussions. Living with three women had it's limitations in that regard as none of us was really into the sports that interested him, but he made do regardless. I knew mom still managed to keep him entertained after ten years, and there were no indications that they were even close to slowing down.

"Hello, Bella," Carlisle greeted me. "You appear to have enjoyed your conversation with Jasper. It's good to see you back with the family again."

"Thank you, Carlisle, I did. It was good talking to Jasper. We can finally be closer than we were back in Forks."

"I'm glad you two are getting along. He's felt guilty about what happened ten years ago for a very long time."

"It wasn't his fault, and I never blamed him for what happened. That's history now, and I'm ready to move past it."

"Just with Jasper, or are you offering second chances all around?"

"No, I'm not quite ready to be that magnanimous, but I hold no grudges with present company."

"Alright, I suppose I can accept that, considering the circumstances."

"There were some things I'd like to discuss with you in your professional capacity as a doctor, Carlisle. Is there someplace we could speak privately?"

"Yes, I have an office upstairs. Were these concerns regarding your own health? There really isn't much we have to worry about in this second life."

"No, actually, I was going to ask Nessie to join us. There are some things I'd like to discuss with you about her."

"Ok. I was hoping we'd have an opportunity to discuss her unique physiology some more."

Of course Nessie had heard me when I mentioned her name, and she'd looked over from where she was talking with Alice, Lilly, and Rosalie. I beckoned her over, and she gave me a pained, somewhat exasperated expression, but she excused herself and walked over to join us.

"Do we really have to do this mom? I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm healthy as a horse."

"Even horses have check ups. I suppose I could take you to the vet, but I don't know any that are vampires too."

"Actually, I could probably give you a referral, but you'd have to travel to Europe to see her. She has a very fine stable." Carlisle said with a grin.

"Ha ha, you two are just hilarious. I suppose if you're going to make me do this, we might as well get it over with."

"Please follow me. We can go up to my office and talk privately."

Nessie nodded resignedly, and we followed Carlisle upstairs to his office. There was a heavy solid wooden door on the wall, and he held it open while we walked inside. I noticed the walls looked thicker, and then he closed the door behind us.

I looked around as he walked to his desk to sit down, and I was immediately reminded of his study in Forks. The same paintings were arranged on the wall around the door and the room was decorated in dark shades of natural wood with fully loaded bookcases completely lining two walls from floor to ceiling. There was a window seat behind his desk overlooking the front exposure of the home flanked by waist high cabinets, a counter space and numerous shelves filled with curios and various and assorted items and equipment.

The desk looked like the same hand carved desk that had graced his office in Forks. There were two leather chairs in front of the desk, and a leather sofa against the wall with the doors, below the paintings. A low table in front of the sofa held assorted magazines and professional journals.

Carlisle sat down at his desk and indicated that Nessie and I should sit down.

Carlisle waited until we were seated, and then said, "You said you wanted to see me in my professional capacity as a doctor. Did you have some specific concerns that you'd like to address?"

"I noticed the walls looked thicker here. Is this room sound proofed?"

"Yes, it is. Nobody else in the house should be able to hear what you say in this room, unless they were standing right outside the door, and then you'd most likely know they were there."

Nessie gave a sigh of relief, and then I continued. "Alright, well I suppose my biggest concern stems from Nessie's human characteristics. You already noted her body temperature and the fact that she has a pulse and therefore a beating heart. She also menstruates and has a period. It's fairly regular but she has terrible PMS and cramps every month. She can metabolize human food, but her metabolism operates so efficiently and fast that over the counter medications have no effect on her. They burn out of her system before they have any noticeable effect."

"That's truly remarkable. I assume you've tested a variety of over the counter medications?"

"Yes," Nessie answered. "I've tried everything available that mom or grandma could think of. The only thing that has any effect is regular exercise. Generally I go to the gym or my martial arts class almost seven days a week for two or three hours of intensive exercise."

"Have you noticed any other symptoms that you'd like to share with me, Nessie? Is there anything that you might have been reluctant to discuss with your mother?" I could see something in her eyes, and I knew she must have been reluctant to discuss it. I thought we'd talked about everything, but apparently she was holding something back.

"I can step out into the hallway if there's something you need to say to Carlisle that you don't want to say in front of me, Nessie."

"No, it's ok. I just never brought it up before because I knew it would probably upset you and grandma."

"It's ok, dear," Carlisle said. "It would help my diagnosis if I had all of the pertinent information."

"Ok… Don't take this the wrong way, and I'm not just saying this to upset you, but when I have the PMS and cramps, I usually get cravings too."

"It's normal for women to experience cravings for certain foods during their menstrual cycle. It's about as common as having cramps in the first place."

"I don't crave food; I crave blood, Human blood. I've experimented with the cravings, and different kinds of blood. I know what will satisfy them. It gets really intense sometimes, but I've been able to resist them so far. They make me want to cheat, but I haven't. We made an agreement, and I've stuck to it so far. The funny thing is… I get the sense that if I gave in to my craving, it would relieve all of my symptoms."

"How could you possibly know that?" I asked.

Nessie held out her hand to me, and I tentatively took it in mine. I practically doubled over in the chair from the intensity of the sensations wracking my body. The cramping sensation was horrible and radiated through my lower stomach and back. And then I felt the cravings she had described. I understood immediately what she meant when she said se was craving human blood. It wasn't like bloodlust at all. There was no thirst or burning, but a hunger all the same and I knew what would relieve the symptoms I was feeling.

Suddenly the sensation cut off, and she released my hand. I was shaken and slightly disoriented and had to shake my head to collect my thoughts.

"Ok, I believe you. Is it really that bad every month? Why didn't you say something before?"

"Would it have done any good to complain? Who were we going to go to about it? There's only one thing I can see giving me any relief, and I promised you I wouldn't do that as long as I live with you."

"It appears that you have come to a consensus of opinion considering your symptoms. While the experience didn't appear at all pleasant for your mother, I believe this is a unique circumstance for a doctor to actually experience the patient's condition that he is attempting to diagnose. In the interest of science, perhaps you should share the experience with me as well."

"Alright… I'll share with you exactly what I shared with mom, but I don't know how well this will work. You're a man, and your plumbing is different, but I'll try if you're willing."

Carlisle held out his hand and Nessie took it in hers. His eyes pinched shut and he visibly winced in pain, he gasped a sudden sharp breath, but then it was over almost a quickly as it had started, and he released her hand.

"Amazing… That was truly a unique experience. I can understand and appreciate your discomfort much more accurately now. I agree with you when you say that you're craving human blood. It's really too bad that animal blood has no effect on your symptoms."

"So that's it, I'm just supposed to suffer through until I'm forced to finally give in and do something about it? The cramps and cravings have slowly intensified over time. They're much worse now than they were five years ago. Eventually I'm going to be forced to act on my urges, and satisfy the cravings, or become totally debilitated during my period. I'm not opposed to the idea, but I don't want to disappoint mom…"

"I didn't say that. We have several options for therapy without resorting to gratuitous slaughter. For starters, I can supply you with some donor blood to test your theory that human blood will alleviate your symptoms."

"Ok," I said. "That's a good start. There was something else I was concerned about too. Nessie has a period, and normally that would tend to indicate that she can get pregnant."

"Oh… Well, yes that would be a valid concern I suppose. Are you sexually active?" Carlisle asked.

Nessie blushed bright red. "No… I've considered it before, but I don't have a serious boyfriend and I haven't for a while."

"Actually I was wondering if you thought any of the oral contraceptives might be appropriate for her. I know low doses of the pill are often prescribed to help regulate your period, and sometimes help to alleviate some of the symptoms."

"I don't really think any of them would work for Nessie. Her body chemistry and hormones probably work differently. A barrier contraceptive and spermicidal foam would probably be more affective for her situation, given her unique physiology."

"We've discussed safe sex, and Nessie knows how to use condoms if necessary. I was just hoping that maybe you could prescribe something that didn't rely on having to remember to use it to be effective."

"I can run some tests, but I doubt they will indicate an oral contraceptive will be effective. They work by altering your body's hormone levels to prevent ovulation. The fact that Nessie regenerates and heals so rapidly would likely cause her body to resist artificial manipulation of her body chemistry. I would suggest that you continue to use condoms for an effective method of contraception."

Nessie blushed again. "I don't need a contraceptive yet, condoms or otherwise. There isn't anything to prevent."

"Yes, of course… I'm sorry if I implied an activity that you haven't attempted yet, but I agree with your mother. It's better to be safe than sorry."

"This all might simply be sterile conjecture regardless. How do you even know if I can even get pregnant in the first place? There aren't any other hybrids around like me that I know of, and I don't even know if I'm fertile with humans or anything else for that matter."

"The tests I can perform on easily collected samples should give us some basic indicators, but the more definitive tests are somewhat more invasive and I wouldn't subject you to those until we've exhausted the other testing options available to us. Considering that you aren't sexually active yet, I wouldn't want to subject you to those procedures simply to answer our questions. Our first course of investigation should be to determine if your hormone and endocrine system are analogous to similar human systems. Considering that you've developed normally like a human girl, it's logical to assume that your physicality and reproductive organs are probably normal as well, but that should probably be examined as well."

"Umm… What kind of testing are we talking about?"

"Well, normally a pelvic exam and pap smear isn't indicated until three years after you become sexually active or upon reaching between age eighteen to twenty-one depending upon the attending physician's opinion. We can do a basic non-invasive external gynecological exam and some blood work to get started collecting data. Once we have some basic information and test results, I'm inclined to recommend a complete pelvic exam, possibly followed up by some ultrasound examination to determine if the internal reproductive structures are normal."

"Oh… Ok… So who exactly would be doing these tests…?"

"Well, considering the sensitive nature of anything out of the ordinary that might be discovered, I would be the logical choice to administer the tests…"

"Umm… I'm fairly certain everything down there is pretty normal…"

"I can understand your trepidation and discomfiture that contemplation of this type of examination might engender, but please understand that I will act professionally and will do everything in my power to insure your comfort and ease your feelings of self-consciousness."

"Umm… Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm really not comfortable with having you perform the physical examination. I can understand why you feel it may be necessary, but isn't there a trusted colleague that could do the tests? Preferably a female one?"

"Alright…, I can understand your concerns. Why don't we simply start off with the blood work and a battery of hormone sampling to determine if your systems are compatible? If nothing out of the ordinary turns up, then I can refer you to one of the gynecologists at the clinic for the physical exam, ok?"

"Ok… Thank you, I'm much more comfortable with that scenario."

"Ok, when would you be available to come down to the clinic for your lab work? I'll need to draw some blood and collect a urine sample to begin the testing."

"Any day after school works for us, Carlisle." I said. "We can come down tomorrow, or you can call us to set up an appointment."

"If it's alright, I'll have my nurse call you and make an appointment. I believe I have a procedure scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, but I'll have to check my schedule. We can discuss your cycle then, and plot it on the calendar. Once we have some dates established I can make arrangements to get you some donor blood to test your theory."

"Sure, that's fine. The number on my business card is good for contact information."

"Alice has our cell phone numbers, too." Nessie added.

"Good. My nurse should call you tomorrow then to set up the appointment."

"Well, that's all I had on my mind for now." I said. Nessie and I started to get up to leave.

"Nessie, dear, why don't you go back down stairs for a minute? I'd like to have a word with your mother in private."

"Ok… Mom, Is that alright with you?"

I sat back down. "Go on, Nessie, I'll join you in a minute."

"Ok… If you're sure." She walked out the door and closed it behind herself.

Carlisle waited a couple of minutes until we heard her footsteps fade.

"I'm sorry about Nessie's attitude, Carlisle. I can talk to her if you feel it's important to the secret that you perform the tests."

"No, I understand her fears and desire for a female doctor. That wasn't what I wanted to discuss with you."

"Ok… What did you want to discuss then?"

"I'm curious what your intentions are towards Edward."

"Oh…"

"Believe me when I say that I am truly sorry for everything that you've suffered as a result of his actions. If I had known how far your relationship had progressed, I never would have supported his request that we leave. I was unaware that your physical relationship had progressed so far. The fact that he left you in the condition he did is inexcusable.

"I overheard you talking with Alice and Rosalie earlier. I hadn't realized how deeply bonded you and Edward had become. Typically when a vampire develops a bond as strong as yours was then, it's physically impossible for them to be separated from their mate. The simple fact that he was able to contemplate and plan leaving you led me to believe that the bond hadn't formed yet. He was so adamant that you remain human… It was the exact opposite reaction that a typical vampire would have when they bond to their human mate. Normally they can't restrain themselves from acting rashly and impulsively to change their mate, often with catastrophic results."

"Everyone keeps telling me that. I suppose Edward isn't a typical vampire then…"

"No, he never has been. I don't know why I expected him to act rationally or normally simply because he had found the love of his life and his soul mate."

"But he did leave, Carlisle. He knew what he was doing. He knew he was my mate and he made a conscious decision to leave me."

"So you understand that he is your mate? I wasn't sure if you had been informed about how that worked."

"Yes, I understand what it means. I'm bonded to Edward for the rest of eternity or however long we end up living."

"Can you find it in your heart to forgive him? Eternity is a very long time to be alone."

"I don't know yet Carlisle. I'm not just saying that for Edward's benefit if he should see this memory in your head. I truthfully don't know."

"I can accept that. It's better than an outright no."

"I will tell you that he's going to have to make some fundamental changes to how he approached our relationship to even have a chance with me. I will not be dictated to, and I will not allow him to try and run my life for me. I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions, and he's going to have to get used to that fact."

"Alright."

"He hurt me Carlisle… I gave him everything I had to give… The last time we sat down and talked, we discussed whether or not we have souls… Edward didn't believe we did… He felt we we're damned regardless of our actions in this life… I gave him my soul, and it wasn't enough… he still left. You have to understand that I can't simply take him back with arms wide open and basically forgive everything he's done to me."

"I understand. There is something you should be aware of though. Esme and I have been mated for eighty-nine years. Being mated is different than being married. You complement each other and you react to the needs of your mate on many different levels. Esme has changed me, and I have changed her. You learn to accommodate each other's needs. It's not always a conscious process, Bella, and it doesn't always happen through conscious effort. Simple proximity to your mate will lead to a reaction and changes over time. He will adjust to fill your needs over time, as you will change to accommodate what he requires from you. That's not to say that you'll lose yourself, but it's a slow gradual process that will shape your life and his."

"How close a proximity are we talking here?"

"He's already changing, Bella. He has been for ten years, as have you. The process will accelerate if you're close enough to communicate and be aware of the other's existence."

"So this will affect us since we know where each other lives and we go to school together?"

"You're close enough to observe each other and know some of the details of each others lives. You can't avoid having some kind of effect on each other. You've only been back among us for a short time, but I can sense your need for stability and a sense of continuity. Somebody to share your burdens with, and perhaps find the love that has so long been denied to you."

"Edward on the other hand needs somebody to temper his arrogance and self-righteousness and call him on trying to dictate the course of everyone else's lives. He needs somebody that isn't going to put up with his tendency to try and run everything all the time."

"So you're saying he needs somebody like me."

"You'll change him just by being around him, Bella."

"I'm still not ready to simply let him back in. He's going to have to start making these changes before I ever even consider it."

"I understand. Just keep an open mind. Don't assume that he's always going to be the same old Edward and simply shut him out as a matter of course. It's inevitable that he will make changes simply because he is your mate and he's in close enough proximity to you to know what you need. He will become what you need to complement your life. You are two halve a whole now, regardless of either of your personal desires."

"Alright, thank you, Carlisle, I'll keep that in mind."

"That's all I can ask."

"We better be going. I have some business I need to attend to yet tonight. It was a pleasure seeing all of you again. I have truly missed all of you. I'm glad we had this opportunity to talk again."

I stood up to leave, and Carlisle got up and came around the desk to escort me to the door.

"You're always welcome in our home, Bella. Don't hesitate to visit whenever you like."

We left the office and went to the stairs to go back down to the others.

"I really enjoyed the visit. It was nice being able to catch up with everyone."

We got back down to the living room, and Nessie, Phil and Renée took the hint that it was time to go. There were hugs all around as we said goodbye. Esme and Alice hugged me goodbye, and then Rosalie surprised me by hugging me goodbye too. Finally we left and walked back out to the cars.

"Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?" I asked mom as she was walking to the truck to get in.

"No, you were right. The family isn't bad. They're good people, and I love Esme. They are good people, Bella, even if Edward is an asshole, but I guess you're stuck with him. Good luck with that."

"Gee, thanks, mom. I love you too."

"You picked him. What else do you want me to say?"

I sighed, she was right; it was my problem to deal with now. It always had been, but it was easy to ignore when he wasn't around.

"I like Emmett," Phil said. "He wants to go to some ball games with me when I go on some of my photo shoots. He really gets into sports, and knows a ton of facts and statistics."

"That's good. I'm glad you made friends." I said as I walked to the Audi.

Phil nodded and got into the truck. I climbed into the passenger seat of the Audi to let Nessie drive home. She waited until we were away from the house and back on the highway to comment.

"So he's your mate." It was a statement, not a question. "When exactly were you planning on letting me in on that little detail?"

"I was waiting for the right opportunity to bring it up…"

"Well now seems appropriate since you talked to everyone else about it like it was fucking obvious. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"He wasn't around and it didn't seem important before when I wasn't tripping over him."

"He's your goddamned mate, mom. You're going to end up getting back together with him unless we move. That's how it works. You won't have any choice. He's your soul mate!"

"Is that really such a bad thing?"

"Excuse me? There was this whole thing where you gave him everything and he still walked out on us! You know, where you were wandering around in the forest until you collapsed? Ring any bells, Bella?"

I winced just thinking about it, but what Carlisle had said made sense.

"I didn't mean tonight or tomorrow or even next month. Maybe not even this year or decade, but it's probably going to happen someday, Nessie. He is my mate, and my brain is hardwired to want him. I can't have a meaningful relationship with anyone else."

"So that means you have to give in and let him get away with what he did to you?"

"No. I didn't say I was giving in, or letting him get away with it. He's going to have to make some serious changes and do a hell of a lot of heartfelt apologizing before I even consider it, but I can't have a real relationship with anyone else but him. Brad was just for fun, but I really liked Garrett…"

"I did too…"

"Thing is I'll only ever be friends with Garett. I can't love him or feel any kind of real connection to him. If I try to be with anyone but your father, it's just sex. Two bodies moving together without any emotional connection. I want that emotional connection, Nessie, but my emotions are permanently connected to your father. The only way I'm ever going to feel that again is with him."

"That's why you were ready to jump Lilly at school today, wasn't it?"

"Yes, that's part of the mating bond. I can't see him with anyone else, or I react to it. The jealousy and protectiveness are hardwired into my psyche. I can't let anyone hurt him, and I'm like a bitch in heat if I see anyone but me so much as touch him. I don't want to feel like this, but it's just the way it is."

"Fine, I get it. You better make him seriously grovel before you let him back in. And he isn't going to run my life or tell me what to do."

"Trust me; he comes nowhere near us if he even thinks that's a possibility."

"Fine. I won't fight this if it's what you want."

"Thank you, but it won't be happening anytime soon."

"Yeah, well thanks for the heads up, mom."

"So what was up with you and Carlisle tonight? He's just trying to help us, and he's an excellent doctor. He treated me a lot when I lived in Forks. He saved my life in Phoenix when James attacked me. You know, if there's a chance our secrets might be exposed, you might want to reconsider letting him do the tests…"

"Ewww… No way, mom! That's just gross!"

"Why? He's a good doctor…"

"Did he give you a pelvic exam?"

"Well, no, but…"

"He's my grandfather, mom! Enhanced vampire senses, perfect vampire memory… And then my father is going to read his mind and see everything too? No thank you! I'd never be able to look either of them in the eye again. You drop your drawers and let him go poking around, checking to see if all your lady parts work right, and let me know how you feel about it. Then we'll talk."

"Oh… I suppose you have a point…"

"Thank you! If anyone needs to go poking around down there, I at least want a female doctor. Worst case scenario, they do figure out something they shouldn't know, we can always kill them…"

"Nessie!"

"I said worst case. You know everything down there is normal and works the same way any other girl works, just a little faster and more efficiently. Anything we're going to figure out will be in the blood work and testing Carlisle is going to do, not in the physical exam."

"What if they do turn something up?"

"Then I'll reconsider, but there's still no reason for him to do the initial physical. Don't you think I have a pretty good idea what's down there and how it works? I'm sure as hell not going to let my grandfather touch me like that before I've even let a boyfriend down there!"

"So… Umm… Never? You and Corey got pretty friendly…"

"Mom…! No! You know that! We talk about everything. You know we didn't get that far."

"Ok, just checking. I believe you."

We were almost home and I changed the subject. I needed to get out and get some fresh air to clear my head and get my mind off of everything that had gone on this evening. It wasn't even eleven o'clock yet, and I still had a lot of night left to take care of business.

"So, do you have the deadbeat file updated?"

"As of last night, yeah, I've been kind of busy tonight. Why, you heading out on the town?"

"I was thinking about going and rattling some cages, yeah. I need to get out and take my mind off of tonight. Are those jerks at that custom bike shop still holding out on us?"

"Same as it has been for the last two months. I think it's time for a wake up call. Do you need me to come with you?"

"No, not if you have plans. I can handle this alone."

"Ok. I need to finish a paper for my human resources management class."

Nessie drove into the garage and parked the Audi. Phil and Renee pulled in next to us. We got out and went into the house and went our separate ways. Phil and Renée excused themselves and went down to their suite for some alone time. Nessie went to the study to work on her paper, and I went up to my room to change my clothes.

I found it helped send the right message when I wore the appropriate attire for business. Jerks like these deadbeats I was planning on paying a visit to tonight always responded well to my choice of work clothes. Typically they couldn't believe they were getting their asses handed to them by a girl.

I decided tonight was a mini-skirt night. It wouldn't interfere with me riding my motorcycle to head into town, and I liked the effect it gave with the skintight leggings I wore with it. Throw in some three and a half inch stiletto heels, a half shirt, shoulder holster, and a leather jacket, and I was good to go. I thought I looked pretty 'badass' as Emmett would say when I looked myself over in the full length mirror on my closet door.

I made sure I had a couple of extra clips in my pocket, but I doubted I'd even need them. I shut off the light as I walked out of my room and walked down stairs to the study. I wanted to double check the address and our latest intel on these guys.

"Hey, Nes, I heading out. Everything still the same on these guys?"

"Yeah, I double checked for you. Their bank account is still the same, and their payment status is still two months overdue. It'll be three months this Friday, and the money is sitting in their bank account."

"Address is still good?"

"They run the bar next door to the bike shop. They haven't pulled up stakes and moved, last time I checked five minutes ago."

"Ok, don't wait up for me."

Nessie chuckled. "Sure, whatever you say. Cool outfit by the way. They won't know what hit them. They won't know whether to cum in their pants or piss in them."

"That's the plan. Night, baby. See you in the morning."

"G'night, mom."

I nodded and walked back out to the garage. I unclipped my helmet off of the back of the bike and pulled it on. I didn't really need one. I was durable enough and my reflexes were fast enough that I could bail off the bike and avoid an accident. I wouldn't be injured in one regardless, and I'd heal too fast to notice even if I was. Unfortunately Washington had a mandatory helmet law, and I had to wear one to avoid being pulled over and getting a ticket from the cops.

It wasn't a total loss though. Since we had to wear helmets, we took advantage of the fact and had all the bells and whistles installed. There was a built in blue tooth headset so I could dial my cell phone hands free, and we had a bike to bike communications system even though we didn't need it to talk back and forth when we were riding. The main reason we got it was so we'd have built in speakers in the helmet for the sound system. I plugged my Ipod into the jack on the helmet, and I could listen to my music while I was riding.

I wheeled the big bike out of the garage and used the remote to close the door. I swung onto the seat, thumbed the electric start and the big air and oil cooled engine hummed to life. I did a quick check of the instruments, and then I toed it into gear, let out the clutch, and I was flying down the driveway.

I leaned the bike around the turn at the end of the drive onto the road, and wound out the gears as I headed for the highway. I made my way to I5, and flew through the cloverleaf onto the Interstate freeway heading north.

It was close to midnight now, and the traffic was light.

Nobody was going to complain about me cruising at over a hundred mile an hour once I was out of the city limits. I practically lay down on top of the gas tank and exhilarated in the speed as I pushed the bike faster and rode north into Bellingham.

There weren't a lot of curves in the road to make it more interesting, but then I5 wasn't exactly a straight shot this far north like it was farther south in Oregon and California. The freeway curved around Lake Samish, and then followed the terrain and jogged west toward Bellingham Bay before turning north into Bellingham.

I was forced to slow down when the freeway passed through the heart of the city, but I wasn't going that far. I took an off-ramp from the freeway onto the city streets and headed for the docks. I wound through the quiet streets until I got closer to the waterfront district. There were more commercial enterprises and scattered bars and the occasional restaurant. It was a rougher part of town that catered to the blue collar working classes.

I could have simply ridden the motorcycle into the parking lot at the bar, but that didn't suit my style, and besides, these guys all rode Harleys. The BMW would stand out and attract attention. That wasn't the sort of impression I wanted to make tonight. I parked a couple of blocks away and pulled off my helmet. I shook out my hair, and then clipped the helmet onto the bike. I activated the security system, and then I was good to go. I'd get a text message if anyone messed with the bike while I was taking care of business, and then I could come back and kick their ass too.

These guys ran a local biker bar, but had expanded and bought the custom motorcycle shop next door. The bike shop would be closed at this time of night, but the bar would be open until at least two am. Nothing too hard core here, these guys dealt mostly with the local MCs and didn't get much action from the outlaw clubs or one percenter's. They were mostly legit which was why we'd loaned them money in the first place.

I moved onto the rooftops as I approached the address. It was mostly two and three story commercial building in this part of town. There were more warehouses and loading yards further northwest around the bay before you got to the private marinas. I did a couple of circuits around the block, and then found a quiet spot where I could observe the bar and the bike shop for a while. I usually avoided going inside until I had to, and I wanted to make sure the right people were here before I decided to confront them.

I'd been sitting in the shadows on the rooftop for about forty-five minutes. I was fairly certain all the targets were present and accounted for. I was about ready to make my move when I heard soft footfalls on the rooftop, and felt a body occupy the space across the roof. I spun around as I dropped into a defensive crouch, but I knew who it was before I even saw him. I felt the electricity arc across the rooftop as he moved onto the roof of the building. I saw who it was and caught the scent in the same instant, confirming what I already knew. It didn't make me relax. But I dropped back to the observation position.

"Jesus Christ, Edward! You nearly gave me a heart attack! What the hell are you doing out here?"

Edward kept to the shadows as he approached. He stopped a careful distance away from me when I growled at him. I wasn't ready to have him any closer than arms length, and even that was pushing it.

"I was going to ask you the same thing, and besides, you can't have a heart attack."

"I'm working. I have business to take care of tonight. I suppose you're up to your old tricks and you're stalking me? You know that really gets old after a while."

"You didn't used to mind it. You used to think it was endearing that I paid so much attention to you."

"That was ten years ago before you broke up with me and walked out of my life. I'm not a naïve seventeen year old girl anymore, Edward. I grew up, and now it just makes you a stalker. Why are you spying on me?"

"Why are you spying on that bar? Were you going to go have a drink?"

"Not tonight, but that's fun sometimes. I told you, I'm working."

"What? Your work requires you to stake out seedy bars in the middle of the night?"

"Sometimes... I wanted to make sure the guys I need to talk to were here before I went in."

"Are they criminals? This is a public place. You could simply call the police to apprehend them."

"This isn't that kind of work. These guys owe us money. We made them a loan to buy the custom motorcycle shop next door, and now they're refusing to make their loan payments."

"So now you're a loan shark too? This just gets better and better, doesn't it?"

"It's not like that."

"Then why don't you tell me what it is like, because that's sure what it sounds like."

"We don't charge usurious interest rates. We're actually competitive or cheaper than most of the local banks. These guys couldn't qualify for a loan because of the nature of their business. The banks weren't willing to take a chance on them. They're really quite good at what they do and it's a profitable enterprise. They have the money to make the payments. Nessie has been monitoring their banking activity."

"So why aren't they making their payments?"

"They just got greedy. They figured that since we aren't a legitimate loan company, and this is a private deal they could welch on the payments. They assume that because we won't sue them or use the legal system to force them to pay that they can take our money without any repercussions. I'm here to disabuse them of that notion."

"Alright, I can see where you might have a legitimate grievance. What are you going to do?"

I reached into my jacket and pulled out my 9MM. I ejected the magazine to check it and jacked the slide. The round in the pipe flipped out of the ejection port and I caught it. I snapped it back onto the clip and slid it home. I pulled back the slide to re-chamber the round. It only took me seconds to make sure the pistol was ready for action.

I slid the pistol back into the holster in my left armpit as I turned to Edward. "I'm going to make them an offer they can't refuse."

"You have a gun?" He sputtered incredulously.

"Well what did you think I was going to do? Prance in there, bat my eyelashes at them and ask them nicely to please make their loan payments? They'd laugh in my face. A gun is a useful prop. Humans respect the threat a gun represents. I don't need it, but then I don't want to have to kill these guys. It's hard enough collecting our money, and they can't pay me if they're dead."

"Ok, I suppose that makes sense. So how do we do this?"

"We don't do anything. You wait here, and I'll be back in a little while. Better yet, go home, and I'll see you in school tomorrow."

"I am not letting you walk into that bar alone!"

"Edward, this is what I do. Please don't make this any more difficult. Just go home."

"We might not be on the best of terms right now, but you're still my mate. You know I can't just walk away…"

"That didn't seem to stop you ten years ago. I seem to remember you being able to walk away then."

"You were still human then. I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore, Bella."

"Find it. I have work to do."

"Then I'm coming with you."

I sighed. "Fine, if you have to. Don't do anything stupid. In fact, don't do anything at all. We can't expose ourselves, and I don't want to have to kill these guys, got it?"

"I've been doing this for a long time Bella. I won't let them know what I am."

"Fine, just don't let your instincts rule you. I know your reaction is going to be to want to protect me. I'm warning you up front, I'm probably going to have to get physical with these guys, so just let me handle it my way, ok? You start tearing guys apart or busting heads, and that's on you. I warned you not to come in."

I stood up to my full height and stretch before I leaned over the edge of the rooftop to take a look and make sure nobody was watching the alley. I heard Edward's sharp intake of breath as he gasped, and I glanced back at him. He must have finally got a good look at how I was dressed. I had a feeling he liked it from the way he stared at me with barely concealed lust and darkened hooded eyes.

"Down boy, Head in the game, remember? Is it clear?"

He nodded but didn't speak.

"Ok, let's go."

I didn't wait for him and dropped off the rooftop, being careful to land on the balls of my feet so I wouldn't break a heel. Edward was right behind me, as I moved through the shadows to the mouth of the alley.

"You've got ID if they check, right?" I asked.

"I've been around the block a time or two, Bella. I know how to play the game."

I nodded to acknowledge that I'd heard him, but I didn't respond. I just walked to the door of the bar and pushed it open. It was still an hour until last call, and the place did a good business for a Monday night. I was hoping there'd be fewer witnesses because it was a weekday and people had to get up to go to work in the morning. At least the characters that were hanging out here at this time of night weren't the type to willingly talk to the cops. Besides, there was nothing like word of mouth to build a rep on the street.

The bouncer inside the door just looked me up and down and smiled as I walked inside. Edward wasn't so lucky. The big biker stood up and stepped in front of him and held up his hand.

"You got some ID, son?" He asked belligerently. I didn't slow down and went to the bar.

Edward got out his wallet and handed his ID to the bouncer. He took it and checked it out thoroughly. "Huh, ok. This is some good work." He handed it back to Edward and stepped out of the way to let him in.

I wasn't really paying attention to Edward's predicament. I was watching the bartender. He'd noticed me, and came down to help me. "Can I get you something, sweetheart? Or were you going to wait and see if your boyfriend gets in?"

"He's not my boyfriend. I'm here to see Duke. Tell Bella's here to talk to him."

He looked me over again, and frowned. He didn't comment, but stepped to a phone on the back of the bar and picked it up to talk to somebody. Of course, they assumed I couldn't hear their conversation.

"_Yeah, Tony, what is it?_" The voice on the phone said.

"Some broad out here wants to talk to Duke. She's a real hottie. Says her name is Bella."

The phone was quiet for a minute, with muffled voices and loud music in the background as the message was relayed.

"_Duke says he ain't here. Get rid of her._"

"Yeah, ok." He hung up the phone. Why did they always have to do it the hard way?

"Duke ain't here. Maybe try the bike shop tomorrow. You want a drink or something before you go?"

"No, I came to talk to Duke. I'll just go back and deliver my message now, but thanks for offering."

I turned and started to walk to the back of the bar. There was a doorway with a chain across it, and a small sign hanging from it that said 'no admittance'.

"Hey, you can't go back there," the bartender yelled at me.

I didn't quite make it to the doorway before the bouncer and two more biker types stepped in front of me to block my path.

"Sorry, sweet thing, but there's a private party going on in the back, and you aren't invited." The bouncer said. "Now why don't you be a good girl and leave now, and I won't have to throw you out."

"You're going to get out of my way now, or I'll have to hurt you. This place can't have very good medical insurance if they even offer any, so I suggest you move. Now."

That made him mad. "Wrong answer, sweetheart!" He reached for me to grab me. I heard Edward growl, but he held it together and stayed out of the way.

I reached out and grabbed the hand that was reaching for me. I bent his wrist back in a basic pain hold, immobilizing his arm, and then I punched him with my other fist. I felt his jaw break under my knuckles and he dropped like a sack of wet cement.

I kicked the one on the right on the inside of his leg, and he dropped when his knee shattered. I moved sideways and drove my elbow into the third ones chest and the air exploded out of his lungs as three ribs snapped and collapsed. They both hit the floor and were out of the fight but still alive.

I stepped over the bodies and lifted the end of the chain out of the way. I glanced back and Edward had stopped at the bar where the bartender was holding the phone in his hand.

"You know, if you call 911 and the police come, they're going to search this place and find the drugs your boss has in the back. Besides, the girls back there are under age, and we'll be gone before the police get here."

The bartender put down the phone.

"Very good. Now step away from the shotgun. I don't want to have to hurt you." Edward told him.

Ok, so maybe having him along wasn't so bad after all. At least he was staying out of the way and helping.

I walked down the short hall and found the office door. I didn't bother knocking and kicked the door open. There were four people in the room in what looked like a scene from some cheap porno flick. Billy, Dukes partner was sitting on the couch with a half naked girl in his lap, making out with her while his hand roamed over her body. Duke sat limply in his office chair with a glazed look in his eyes while the other girl was on her knees giving him a blow job.

They all stopped and stared in shock when I burst into the room. I strode to Duke's chair and yanked him to his feet and threw him up against the wall with my left hand while I pulled my pistol with my right and stuck it under his chin.

"Right…! You, bitch's, out of here now!" I ordered. The two girls scrambled to their feet and ran out of the room squealing. Then I turned back to Duke.

"You mother fucker are a deadbeat. You owe me money. We made you a loan! Not a fucking gift! You took our money in good faith, and now you're welching on the fucking payments."

"I don't have it… Business has been slow…"

"Lie number one. I know you can fucking pay, 'cause we've got your bank wired. Business has been good."

"I… I need more time…"

"Lie number two. Lie to me again and I hurt you. Got it?" He tried to nod, but I knew he got the message.

"You're two months behind now, and you have a third fucking payment due Friday. Give me one good reason why I don't have my fucking money!"

Billy was easing towards the end table beside the couch. I could smell the pistol in the drawer he was reaching for. I didn't look away from Duke, but my arm pivoted around to aim the muzzle of the pistol between Billy's eyes.

"Slide one more inch towards that pistol, and you're a dead man."

Billy froze where he was sitting and raised his hands.

"I'll get it… I'll get your money…" Duke sputtered.

"Tomorrow. Got it? I want my fucking money. No fucking excuses! You miss the payment on Friday and I'll be back, understand? If I have to come back again, next time I have to hurt you, got it?"

"Yes… I'll pay…"

"Fine, tomorrow. You might be under the impression that you were getting free money because it was an under the table loan. Just because we told you we wouldn't sue you or take you to court didn't we couldn't collect. It just means I have to explain it the hard way to assholes like you. Now, you don't want me to come back again, right?"

"No…"

"Then get me my fucking money!" I let him go and he dropped to the floor. I turned and walked out of the room and Edward was waiting in the hall, leaning against the wall.

"You know Esme would wash your mouth out with soap if she heard you use language like that."

I could tell he wasn't serious from the smirk on his face. I kept walking toward the door and he fell into step beside me and followed me outside. Most of the crowd had cleared out when the fight started, but there were still stragglers.

"Then I'll have to make sure she doesn't hear me. You know what they say, 'When in Rome…' You have to speak a language they understand and appreciate."

"I suppose you're right."

"So are they going to do what I told them?"

"I believe they are sufficiently intimidated that they'll follow your instructions. Your friend Duke was entertaining possible reprisals, but he thinks it'll be bad for business if you make it a habit of coming back."

"Ok, thanks for the help with the bartender. I really didn't want to have to shoot him."

"I didn't want you to shoot him either. So, is this a typical night for you now?"

"No, this was actually kind of fun. Most of the time it's boring stake outs, waiting for somebody to let details of their operations slip in a conversation, or waiting for a meet when they setup a deal."

We'd disappeared into the shadows of an alley, and I crouched and leapt up onto the rooftop. Edward followed right behind me.

"So, how did you find me tonight?" I asked as I leisurely crossed the rooftops in the direction of the BMW.

"I left earlier to go for a run. I had to get away from the house, and running helps clear my head… I saw you go past on the highway. I wasn't sure it was you, but I caught your scent when I got to the freeway. I followed you into Bellingham and crossed your scent when I moved onto the rooftops to search. I really didn't think I'd find you so easily."

"I'll have to hide better next time…"

"I don't want you to hide from me anymore. It's taken me ten years to find you."

"Edward… I'm not ready for this yet…"

"I can accept that. I've done terrible things that I truly regret, Bella. Please believe me when I tell you that I am truthfully sorry for what I did to you. I'll do whatever you ask of me to make it up to you. I understand that I don't deserve a second chance. I'll take whatever you're willing to allow me."

"I need time, Edward. I wasn't expecting to have you and your family turn up at school. This is too sudden for me… I need to adjust to these circumstances…"

I dropped down off the roof top into the alley beside my BMW. Edward dropped off the roof to land beside me.

"So this is your motorcycle? How fast were you going on the interstate?"

"Yes… About a hundred and seventy-five miles per hour."

"Will you give me a ride home? I ran all the way up here."

"I don't know, Edward… I don't know if I'm ready for that yet…"

"I'll be good. I promise I'll keep my hands to myself."

"You promise? No funny business?"

Edward made an X mark over the middle of his chest. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Very funny, dead man." I reached back and unclipped the passenger helmet and tossed it to Edward. "Here, this is Phil's. It ought to fit you."

I pulled my helmet on and got on the bike. "You know what to do, right? Lean with the bike, and don't try to fight it in the turns."

Edward climbed onto the seat behind me. His thighs were pressed beside mine as I sat between his legs, and his front was pressed up against my back. I felt his hands on my waist just above my hips as he held onto me. His hands slipped under the hem of my leather jacket and traced across the sides of my bare mid riff. His hands felt warm to me now, and the sensation of his fingertips touching my bare skin was absolutely incredible.

"I know what to do. I've ridden with Jasper before."

I nodded and thumbed the electric start. The engine purred to life, and I drove out of the alley and onto the streets of Bellingham.

I obeyed the traffic laws until I got to the interstate. I flew around the clover leaf onto the freeway, and then wound out the gears as the bike hurtled forward down the empty interstate. I cranked it up to two hundred miles per hour on the relative straight a way leading southeast away from the city, but then slowed to a hundred and fifty when we hit the curvy part of the highway past the Lake.

I turned off onto Highway 20 heading east through Sedro-Woolley, and then turned onto the road the led to the Cullen's driveway. I was going to have to watch that here. They were using Masen this time around.

"So are all of you using Masen as a surname this time? I didn't get a chance to ask earlier."

"Carlisle, Esme, Alice and I are using Masen. Jasper and Lilly are using their real names, Whitlock and Bailey respectively. Rosalie and Emmett are using Emmett's surname, McCarty."

I had no trouble finding the driveway in the dark, and barely slowed down as I rode down the winding drive to the house.

"If Lilly is using Bailey, how come we didn't see her at registration? She should have gone on the same day as Nessie and me."

"She didn't need a parking permit, so she just went when Esme took Alice and I. She was able to register Jasper at the same time, so we only had to make one trip."

I pulled up in front of the house and stopped the bike. Edward got off and took off the helmet. He reached back and clipped the helmet to the back of the bike.

"Thank you for giving me a lift home. I appreciate it. Actually, I was surprised to see you alone. I figured Nessie would have been with you."

"She knew this was a milk run, or she would have tagged along. She usually backs me up for jobs like this. She wanted to finish her paper for one of her college classes."

"She's attending college too?" Edward asked surprised. "I figured she was going to high school for real."

I chuckled. "Don't let her hear you say that. She graduated from high school three years ago, and she was upset with me and Renee for not simply letting her test out. She's almost done with her first undergraduate degree."

"She really is very intelligent, isn't she?"

"She was proof reading my college papers when she was a year old. She's memorized every text book I've ever bought for a class, plus all of her own, several encyclopedias and does near constant internet research. We really are just doing high school to fit in and so she can see what it's like. Both of us have had all of this material before."

"Well, join the crowd. Would you like to come in for a while? Did anyone take you on a tour of the house?"

"I don't think so… Not tonight, Edward. I'll see you in school tomorrow."

"Ok… So _will_ I see you at school tomorrow?"

"I'll be there. We have Spanish together seventh period."

"Bien... Buenas noches. Espero que mañana, entonces." ("_Alright__... __Good__ night. I __look__forward to tomorrow then__._")

"Buenas noches. Nos vemos mañana". ("Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow.")

I rode away before I could change my mind. Everything was happening too fast. It was all too much too soon. I knew I couldn't just let him back into my life. He had put me through hell, and it seemed like he was getting off scot-free without having to suffer at all. If he was going to be a part of my life now, he was going to have to earn the right to be around me.

**Author's Note:**

I hope I caught any errors or typos in this chapter. Normally I like to go through them a little more carefully before I post. Things have been a little hectic this week.

If you liked this story, please review and let me know what you think. Even if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear from you. I read all the reviews, even if I don't answer all of them. If you have questions, I try to answer then without giving away too much of the plot.


	18. Chapter 18 High School Fun

**Disclaimer: **Written under the derivative fan works act. All rights reserved to the original creator, Stephanie Meyer.

**Title: **You Can't Always Get What You Want

**Rating**: **M** for sexual situations, lemons, and hot, steamy, angsty vampire lovin', underage drinking, smoking, drug use and overall bad behavior.

**Premise: **Alternate Universe. Edward leaves Bella after their intimate relationship blossoms during the summer after Twilight. Bella is left to face the consequences of loving a vampire as her life changes drastically. OCC ExB Lemons

**Alternate Universe:** Canon pairings eventually, pretty much OOC, ExB of course.

**POV: **BPOV (Bella), Bella starts the story. Edward and Alice may have a say later on.

– – – –

**Author Notes:**

Please note that this story is **rated M** for a reason, if you'd prefer not to deal with mature themes, please do not read this story.

Ok, I realize it's been awhile since I posted a new chapter for this story. See long note at the end of the chapter.

I'm not going to write a story recap of what's happened so far. I had to go back and read the last three chapters to get up to speed on what's happened to finish this chapter. I read a lot of stories that have been posted for years, a lot of them complete before I ever find them. I hate having to slog through long recaps of what's happened so far when I'm reading one chapter after another and simply want to find out what happens next.

Anyhow, I doubt it'll be another year before I update again. I have plans for this story now.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 18 High School Fun

Monday had been truly eventful, between starting school and the shock of finding out that the Cullens, or the Masens as they were calling themselves now, were in school with us now and living close by to us in a neighboring community. Talking to Edward hadn't been quite as painful as I had expected it would be but I had truly enjoyed my reunion with the rest of the family.

Alice had gone to a lot of trouble to finally find us and was making her presence known in my life again. I suppose I couldn't blame her. She'd been my best friend ten years ago, and I had never really filled that void in my life. The only relationship I had that was closer than what I had shared with her was with my daughter. Before I moved to Forks all those years ago, I would have said Renee was my best friend. We were still close, maybe closer than we had been back then, but she wasn't really like a friend now. She was my mother, and had moved into more of that sort of 'mom' role because of her relationship with Phil. We talked about everything and were comfortable together, but she was my mom. Somehow, I was expecting more from Alice and I assumed we would be close again once things settled down and we had a chance to spend time together again.

I had successfully reconnected with Jasper and Carlisle. Esme was just as welcoming and loving as she had been ten years ago. More surprising was the acceptance and camaraderie I had gained with Rosalie. She had never accepted me when I was human, but my experiences and decisions in my second life seemed to meet with her general approval and she was able to commiserate with the ordeal inflicted upon me by her brother's actions. I'd never had much of an opportunity to connect with Emmett before because of my icy relationship with Rosalie, but I had hopes now that we could become closer due to the improvement in my relationship with his mate.

It hadn't been as hard being with Edward last night as I would have thought it was going to be, but I knew I couldn't make it easy for him to worm his way back into my life again. I knew that even if we pulled up stakes and moved, he knew enough about what I'd been doing for the last ten years that he'd easily be able to follow me wherever I ran too. I would have to completely and totally alter my life if I wanted to avoid him, but I wouldn't do that, regardless. I wasn't the one who needed to run or hide.

No, Edward was the one that was going to have to change if he wanted to be a part of my life now. I was perfectly happy with my life the way it was, and I didn't need Edward. I had Nessie, and she filled the void in my life that I would have otherwise felt if I was separated from my mate for as long as Edward had been gone. The bond that we shared as mother and child substituted for any loss I would have experienced from Edward not being in my life. That was a major reason why I hadn't felt the need to search for him.

No, Nessie and I had each other, and we didn't need Edward. I knew he wanted to reconcile with me and try to go back to what we'd had before he walked out on us, but I wouldn't even consider going back to that dynamic in our relationship.

Edward had been in control then, and made all the decisions and called all the shots. He decided when we were together and for how long. Where we went who we talked to and who I could be friends with or who I should avoid. He had controlled me then almost like I was his pet, but then I'd been a naïve seventeen year old high school girl when we were dating ten years ago in Forks, and I had equated his control with loving caring and protection.

I didn't need that in my life now. I wouldn't accept that kind of loss of control in my life regardless. No, he needed us, and if he wanted to be a part of our lives, then it was going to be up to him to change.

I still had about four and a half hours before we had to go back to school for Tuesday and our white day classes when I arrived at home after dropping Edward off. I decided to soak in a nice hot bubble bath to clean away the accumulated dirt and grime from kicking biker butt. I soaked until I let the water start to cool. I had to keep adding hot water to keep the bath hot, but it was still relaxing regardless. I got out and dried off and changed into some sweat pants and a tank top to lie down and read until it was time to dress for school.

It was about five o'clock in the morning when my phone rang. I couldn't think of anyone that would possibly call me at this hour. Phil and Renee were likely asleep, and Nessie would have simply knocked on the door if she wanted to talk. If it was business, all of my contacts knew to call me later in the afternoon. They all assumed I slept most of the day to be up all night.

I grabbed my cell phone where it was plugged into the charger on the nightstand and looked at the caller ID. Well, I suppose Nessie had said she gave them our cell numbers and contact info. It could be worse. It might have been Edward.

I pressed the green button to answer the call.

"Hello, Alice. What can I do for you?" I asked.

"_Hey, Bella, I just thought I should give you a call so we could work out our back story. We need to be consistent in what we tell people. Word's gonna get around school fast that you and Edward have a history. After what happened at lunch and Forensic Science yesterday, there are gonna be a ton of rumors flying around school, and the gossip hounds are gonna be after you for the dirt. I thought we should talk and get our story straight before we go to school today._"

"Ok, that makes sense. What is your story right now? Where do your records say you came from?"

"_New Hampshire. We really did live there, and we wanted to keep it simple._"

"Same here, we transferred in from Sioux City, Iowa."

"_Well, it's a little late to change transcripts, and I assume you've already been using that story. Anything else you've been telling people that I should know about?_"

"Umm… Well, Nessie put out the story that I was in an accident and missed a year of school. That's why I'm a year older than her, but we're both in the same grade."

"_Ok, we can work with that. All we really need is a story about how you and Edward know each other, and why you don't exactly get along right now._"

"It's a little more complicated that that, Alice…"

"_I know, but we don't need to give the humans details. They're perfectly capable of making those up on their own._"

"Ok…"

"_I'm thinking summer fling. You and Edward met while our families were vacationing together and started seeing each other._"

"Yeah, sure… While we're creating this fantasy life, how about making it someplace nice and sunny, like Cancun?"

"_I was thinking the French Riviera, but Mexico will do._"

"Or we could make it a little more believable and just say Florida. Kids here already know Phil used to play ball in Florida, and I hinted that we used to live there a long time ago. Besides, I've never been to Mexico, but I visited Renee in Florida once."

"_Fine… I guess Florida works too, but it doesn't sound quite as glamorous. So why did you guys break up? Summer ended and you had to go back home?_"

"That's a little too convenient. It's too likely we'd try to get back together…"

"_Umm…? Don't you want to get back together? You know it's going to happen eventually..._"

"I suppose that's probably inevitable, but that's not going to happen tomorrow or even the next day, maybe not this decade, Alice. It's going to be up to Edward whether that happens or not, and I'm not going to make it easy for him. He's going to have to prove that he's changed and is ready to be part of a partnership, not a dictator that tells us what to do."

"_We are both still talking about the same Edward Masen here, right? Is that even possible?_"

"I don't know, but that's what's going to have to happen before he has a shot at being back in my life."

"_Alright, am I allowed to tell him this?_"

"Well, it would be a little hard for him to know what I expect if nobody tells him. He can't make changes if he doesn't know what I want."

"_I suppose that's true… So back to the back stories… Umm… Why did guys break up then?_"

"Let's keep it simple and use what we've already told people. How about we say Edward caused the accident that made me lose a year of school. I haven't said what the accident was, or where it happened. That's the sort of thing that could drive people apart and make them break up, Right?"

"_Bella! That's not nice. You want to blame your fake made up accident on Edward?_"

"I didn't say it was nice, and it's better than he deserves. Hell, I could say he spent a year in jail standing trial for sexual assault, and it'd still be better than he deserves! I think the accident story is getting off easy!"

"_There aren't any records of him being in jail…_"

"That can be arranged. I have connections in law enforcement now, you know…"

"_Ok, ok! We'll go with the accident story. Jeez, Bella, are we a little vindictive much?_"

I ticked points off on my fingers, despite the fact that she couldn't see me. "Walked out on me ten years ago, abandoned me in the forest, left me knocked up with his half-vampire kid, caused me to have to become a vampire or I would have died, caused my mom and her husband to become vampires too… Shall I go on? There's the whole Lilly episode that I didn't even know about until last night. I think I'm entitled to a bit of vindictiveness. He's getting off easy being the cause of my fake accident, Alice. Besides, it gives me an excuse to be pissed off at him in public without telling people the real reason."

"_Ok… I guess so, Bella._"

"Nessie says if I take him back, I need to make him seriously grovel. I promised her he won't try to run our lives if he wants to be a part of them. I don't know if I can ever forgive him, but if you expect me to let him back into my life, then start helping me do that. That has to be our reality before he gets a second chance."

"_That's not going to be easy, Bella. I can't see your future…_"

"Well, we'll just have to see how devious you really are without being able to use seeing the future as a crutch."

"_Hey, that's not fair…_"

"I didn't say it was, but then life isn't fair. We both know that's true. I know you're going to try and manipulate this situation, Alice. You want us back together. You're his sister and you love him. I believe you have my best interests at heart too and want what you think is best for both of us. Besides, you did everything you could to throw us together ten years ago. I won't tell you to butt out and mind your own business. It wouldn't do me any good anyways. I don't mind you trying to help out, but just remember what my needs are when you're working on your schemes."

"_Well, that's a step in the right direction. At least you're willing to let me help. What exactly am I supposed to be scheming, Bella?_"

"I don't know. That's what you're good at. Don't waste your time and energy trying to think up ways to throw us together, Edward's doing alright with that on his own, and it's not like being together in awkward situations is going to help anyhow. If you want to help, try and figure out how to help Edward realize I'm not going to let him run my life for me or dictate how I live. I don't need somebody to protect me anymore. I need somebody who accepts me for what I am and wants to be a part of that."

"_That's not going to be easy, Bella. Isn't having somebody to love worth meeting him halfway?_"

"I want love in my life, Alice, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my independence for it. I'm not going to give up my lifestyle or career to be with Edward. If he can't accept me for whom I am, then I don't need him. He needs me, Alice."

"_It sounds like you want to be in charge now…_"

"I want a partner, Alice. I don't expect him to be my bitch, but he needs to know he isn't going to dictate every single detail of my life like he did when I was seventeen. He never talked to me about anything, Alice. We didn't decide together. He decided and then told me what we were going to do. He decided when we were going to the meadow. He decided when we were going out and what we were going to do, who I was allowed to see, how I was going to spend my time, how physical our relationship was allowed to be. He decided it wasn't safe for me to be around him and he left."

"_He did all that because he loved you, Bella. He still loves you._"

"I know, but I won't go back to living like that, Alice. Does Jasper control every aspect of your life?"

"_Hell no! I'd kick his ass if he tried to pull that crap!_"

"So you understand."

"_I can see making him grovel and seriously apologize for being an ass, but some of the things you want are just basic to being in a relationship, Bella. They aren't gonna happen until you're together. Some of that you'll just have to make him do when you're with him, like putting your foot down and making him work together with you to decide things. Some of the things you want aren't possible for him to demonstrate until you're at least willing to date him…_"

"I'm not ready for that step yet… I'm barely comfortable knowing he knows where I live and the fact that we're going to the same school, even if it is a charade..."

"_So what were you planning on doing about school then? You said you want Nessie to have social interaction and get to know humans. You want her to make friends and maybe more... You mentioned her dating and going to social events and dances… Those types of thing usually require a date…_"

"Nessie is a big girl, and she likes boys. I have every confidence she'll be able to find dates, maybe even a boyfriend."

"_Yeah, but what about you? You said you'd probably be going with her to these events… Are you going to have a date too?_"

"That's kind of how it works, Alice…"

"_But not Edward. You know what that'll do to him…_"

"That's not my problem. He can either control himself, or he can run away again. If he wants to be with me then he's going to have to do some growing up."

"_Flaunting other guys in his face to deliberately make him jealous and provoke a response doesn't strike me as a grown up way of dealing with this, Bella._"

"Having Edward suddenly show up here out of the blue wasn't my idea. Just because he's here now doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly throw all my plans out the window and scramble for plan B."

"_You know what'll happen if he sees you with guys at school or a dance and they think it's alright to touch you. He could kill somebody..._"

"Then he's going to have to learn to control himself. I didn't attack Lilly yesterday, and he had his arm around her..."

"_They were just pretending, Bella. You know what it's like with guys in school. She'd have them following her around all day long asking her out if they didn't pretend to be a couple..._"

"Fine... I get it. You know, I'm going to have to deal with that too. The easiest way to deal with it is to just pick one and date him. Then the rest will back off."

"_It would be easier to just scare them off. It always worked for me and Rose…_"

"You both already had boyfriends, and scaring boys away doesn't really work to help Nessie connect with people and make friends. I'm not sure if you noticed, but she doesn't give off the predator vibe like the rest of us. It's easier for her to fit in if she wants too."

"_Fine, I can see her dating. I can even help with that, but you're putting any guy you date in needless peril, Bella._"

"How is that? I have excellent control. I can kiss a human boy without putting him in danger. Hell I could probably do a whole hell of lot more than kiss him, but I not Tanya."

"_He'd kill them Bella..._"

"I'm not unreasonable. I told Edward we could compromise..."

"_So you'd be willing to go out with him?_"

"So not ready to deal with that... I was thinking more along the lines of telling him when I'm going to have a date so he could avoid seeing us..."

"_You honestly think that has a chance of working? That's worse than flaunting it in his face. You'd be telling him when and where to find you. You know he wouldn't be able to stay away..._"

"That is so not my problem. I'll give him fair warning, but he doesn't run my life or tell me who I can see or who I can spend time with. He's the one who broke up with me and left. If he can't handle it, he can keep staying away from me."

"_Fine, let me give this some thought and see what I can come up with. I'll see you in school. I still love you, Bella. I've always thought of you as a sister._"

"Thanks, Alice. I love you too. You were always my best friend, and I want us to be friends again. I'll see you in school... Bye." I hit the red button to end the call.

What else could I say? It was time to get dressed for school. Today was round two and I was actually looking forward to going to school, despite the fact that I knew Edward would be there again. At least today I wasn't expecting any more shocks or anything unexpected at school. Barring little green men deciding today was the day to start the invasion from Mars, I felt fairly safe in that assumption. Of course I hadn't been expecting anything out of the ordinary on our first day either. Once I'd had a chance to regroup and think things through, I didn't really mind re-connecting with the Cullen family in general.

Edward was another story. I wasn't letting him off the hook. He'd made my life hell, and he deserved some of it back before he was going to waltz back into my life and act like nothing had happened. I knew we'd most likely end up back together eventually unless I ran, but I wasn't going to do that. He was going to have to learn to accept me as I was if he wanted to be with me. Any relationship we had was going to be on my terms this time around. Otherwise it was his turn for living hell.

There was a soft knock on the door, and then Nessie walked into the room. She didn't say anything and went to my closet and started to layout my clothes for school.

"What, not even a good morning, how did the job go last night, nothing?"

"Not sure if I'm speaking to you yet…"

"What did I do…?"

"I heard you talking to Aunt Alice on the phone. Please tell me you two aren't going to try and play match maker while we go to school here."

"What ever gave you that idea?"

"So I'm supposed to have social interaction and get to know humans? I'm supposed to date and find a boyfriend? Whose big idea was that? Please tell me you aren't going to try and set me up with anyone."

"I'm not trying to set you up with anybody, but you did seem happier when you were hanging out with those kids at the mall in New York. We're just two teenaged girls with our whole lives in front of us having a good time. Although mom had the idea that she thought if you connected with humans again, you'd start to see them as people instead of snacks. That's why she encouraged me to go along with this whole high school thing."

"Fine… Did it ever occur to you that they can be cute and delicious at the same time?"

"Well, you don't seem to want to take a bite out of the ones you have relationships with…"

"That's because I don't make friends with axe murders and drug dealers, mom. I thought we were pretty settled on the idea that it isn't nice to eat innocents? Predators on the other hand are fair game in my book. I just don't do it because you and grandma are squeamish and I like living with you."

"They're all people, Nessie…"

"So what? What you don't seem to get is that I don't mind eating people. It doesn't matter to me if the animal I'm eating is capable of carrying on a conversation with me before I eat them. It doesn't make me feel sick or evil or guilty. They're the species I was evolved to prey on. You're just squeamish because you used to be one of them. I never was, and I'm ok with that.

"You'd be happier if you'd simply embrace your true nature instead of trying to pretend to be human. You knew it was part of the package when you signed up for this, but you want to try to cheat the system and get all the perks without having to pay the piper. Eating people is what we're designed to do, mom. It's why we exist."

"I knew I didn't have to kill people to survive when I asked for this. Carlisle doesn't eat people. He's almost four hundred years old, and he's never tasted human blood except for the times when he turned the rest of his family..."

"You know, I don't have to kill them just to have a little taste. I don't have bloodlust like the rest of you. I can stop if I want to, and I'm pretty sure I can drink enough to keep the venom out of their system. I can have a little taste without turning them or hurting them. Well, I suppose biting them would still hurt…"

"Nessie! You wouldn't…!"

"Not yet, but I've thought about it more than once. It's just more convenient to kill them. The hardest part is that they know what happened and remember what you did. It's kind of hard to cover up the fact that you just took a bite out of somebody. Once I figure out that part, then I won't have to kill anyone if I don't want to."

"And how exactly are you going to do that? Do you have some kind of mind control ray I don't know about?"

"I don't know yet, but sometimes I wonder. Should I experiment with it and see if it works?"

"Nessie… We want to stay here for a while. I thought I taught you it was rude to bite people when you were six months old…"

"Maybe I don't even have to bite them to have a little taste. You should surf the internet more often. You know, there are people out there that want vampires to bite them. There's a whole sub-culture of humans who pretend to be vampires and other humans who willingly act as donors to let them have a taste now and then. Should we look them up and maybe visit some clubs?"

"That sounds dangerous. I can't believe the Volturi don't monitor something like that…"

"Hell, they probably started it as part of their campaign of disinformation. If people are pretending to be vampires, it gives the real ones another layer of protection from discovery."

"That's true… I don't like it though. You're not going to fool around with that are you?"

"I'm just kidding, mom. Get dressed so we can go to school."

She said she was just kidding, but it made me worry. She sounded sincere, but I had the feeling she was just telling me what I wanted to hear. I had a feeling this was a topic we'd be revisiting again.

I looked at what she'd picked out for me and it wasn't so bad. Designer jeans, a fitted top and spike heeled pumps. I didn't care about the designer labels anymore, and I could pull off the shoes, so I didn't complain. I was just glad she was happy.

She walked out of the room as I started to change.

"No guns, mom…" She said over her shoulder as she left the room.

"I know... no guns." She nodded and walked away, closing the door behind her. "Besides, vampires are mostly bullet proof anyhow…" I muttered under my breath. I thought it was too quiet for her to hear, but I still heard her snigger as she walked into her room.

-O-

I'd explained the details and changes Alice and I had agreed upon to our back story while we drove to school. It seemed to appease Nessie a little that I wasn't making this easy for her father. We got to school early to get a good parking place, but Alice's Porsche was already parked in the lot at the curb closest to the school. I didn't try to fight it and parked next to her.

I liked Alice and wanted to try and re-establish the close relationship we'd had ten years ago, although the dynamic had changed now. I wasn't the pushover human anymore for her to play dress up with or drag to the mall to try on twenty outfits. Of course she'd always wanted that to happen and she'd gotten her wish in a round about fashion. I was a vampire too now, and at the very least, I could keep up with her. I wasn't sure how our relationship would have grown and developed if Edward hadn't left, but we were left with what we had now, and I knew we'd make it work.

The upside of this situation was I had Nessie now, and she liked to shop like Alice did. Maybe she could be my buffer and absorb Alice's attention as far as shopping trips and clothes were concerned. I'd pretty much resigned myself to letting Nessie dress me and she knew my tastes and what I liked. I didn't mind wearing the clothes as long as they didn't try to make me shop for them too.

None of the Masens were in sight when we walked through the metal detectors into the school building although I could smell them as soon as we walked through the doors. We went to the stairs to go up to our locker to prepare for the day. We had four different classes today, and I was kind of looking forward to AP English. English had always been one of my favorite classes, and in another life, I could have seen myself as an English major instead of taking a more practical selection of classes and course of study that matched my chosen career path. I'd started off as an English major before switching majors to Criminal Justice. Maybe after we graduated I'd go ahead and get an English degree if Nessie and I decided to go to College together.

I knew they were waiting for us upstairs before we could see down the hall. I could scent Alice, Jasper, and the new girl, Lilly, but thankfully Edward wasn't with them. Nessie and I went to our locker simply to have something to do to kill time, but there was no real reason. We had all the supplies we'd need and we hadn't gotten any of the books we'd need for the classes we had today yet.

Alice, Jasper and Lilly came down the hall to greet us. Alice and Jasper seemed happy to see us, but Lilly hung back behind them a little. I could understand her apprehension. I hadn't been very welcoming yesterday. I'd growled at her and had been ready to pounce on her and tear her apart, so I could understand her being cautious around me.

"Good morning," I greeted them in general. "So we all have English together?" I asked. It was a rhetorical question. We all knew our schedule and we'd discussed it last night.

"That's the plan," Alice said. "Lilly and I have art with you and Nessie after English, too.

I stepped back to walk beside Lilly as we walked to English. "I wanted to apologize for how I acted yesterday, Lilly. I was taken by surprise when I saw you with Edward. My reaction was instinctual, and I had no right to jump to conclusions."

"Ok… I'm sorry I put you in that situation. Alice and Jasper explained what happened and why you reacted to me like that. I want you to know there's nothing going on between me and Edward. We're just friends. I owe him my life for getting me out of Phoenix after… I guess I understand why Victoria did what she did now…"

"I'm sorry you got dragged into all of this."

Lilly shrugged. "Rose hates this life, but it really isn't so bad once you get used to being around people again. I can see where going to high school over and over could get boring, but college was fun and I wouldn't mind doing that again."

"So, have you ever considered doing anything else besides being a permanent full time student?" Nessie asked as she glanced around to see if anybody was close enough to be listening to us. "You could have a career if you wanted to do something different. You're what, about twenty-six for real? Doesn't this get boring after a while?"

Lilly shrugged. "It's only my second time around, and this is a completely different school. I'm not bored yet, but I can see your point. I just got my Bachelors degree in Business Administration, and I can't do anything with it. Nobody's going to hire me, and how long could I hold down a job? A year or two maybe, and then I'd just have to quit before I could even advance or do anything."

"So start your own business. Nobody knows what you look like on the internet and there are thousands of businesses buying and selling and offering services. If you're looking for a job to get your feet wet and try working, I'm sure grandma could use some help after school and on the weekends."

"Really? Could I do something like that?" Lilly asked. It wasn't just a rhetorical question. She seemed to direct it to Jasper, almost like she was asking his permission.

"I don't see anything wrong with that if you'd like to get out try something different. The business Mrs. Dwyer operates would be perfect for you. You could interact with people, but you'd have the window separating you from the general public."

"Ok," Lilly said. "Talk to your mom, and if she can use me, I'll do it."

"So, have Jasper and Emmett taught you how to fight?" I asked. "I know they used to love to wrestle all the time."

"They've shown me a thing or two, but Edward never thought it was a good idea..."

"Of course, it figures. Nessie's been taking tae kwon do for years now and relaying the lessons to me and Phil. We can show you another thing or two if you're interested. I can offer you more interesting work than a check cashing store if you want to try something a little more exciting, although it might require that you take some time off from school."

Lilly didn't answer me, but nodded her head thoughtfully and seemed to consider the idea. She knew what I did and how it could be both exciting and dangerous. At least she was thinking about it now.

"Tae kwon do, really?" Jasper asked, surprised. "What rank?"

"Third Dan black belt officially, according to my certification with the international organization." Nessie said. "I could take more advancement tests for higher ranks, but I hold back to fit in when I go to the dojang to train. Bella and Phil are at least that advanced, maybe more, but neither of them has ever taken an official advancement test nor received any official training. All of their training is through me."

"Impressive," Jasper said. "We should spar sometime. It would be nice to have an opponent where I didn't have to hold back and move like... the other students."

Our conversation turned to more mundane and less provocative subjects as we walked into the classroom and found seats. We were the first students to enter the classroom this morning and were able to select a group of seats close together. I knew from experience that Alice and Jasper would have preferred to sit quietly in the back of the classroom where they could pretend to be alone, but I followed my previous day's routine, and selected seats in the middle of the classroom.

Slowly the other kids started to filter into the room. Shelia and Cathy walked into the classroom just ahead of Dean. They all saw the single open seat beside me, but Shelia dashed to claim it before Dean could move past her to sit down. Dean glared at her as he took the seat beside Sheila and Cathy sat behind her.

Justin walked into the room next and went to sit beside Nessie, like he had the previous day in our computer class. He struck up a conversation with her, and they seemed to be getting along together.

"Hey, Bella," Sheila said as she sat beside me. "Lunch and Forensic Science were just too weird yesterday."

"Yeah, they were sure something, alright," I said, somewhat noncommittally.

"So what was up between you and Edward Masen yesterday?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, when we were going to lunch, you saw him, and you looked like you were ready to literally claw the eyes out of his head one minute, and then everybody hit the deck like we were all drugged or something. That was totally weird, and then you took off like a bat out of hell, running flat out for the library.

"The whole Forensic Science classroom heard what you told Mrs. Harpel. So what exactly is your history with Edward?" Sheila asked. "You both transferred in from different parts of the country. How could you possibly know each other?"

I glanced over at Alice, and she nodded almost imperceptibly, giving me permission to use the story we'd fabricated. Dean was hanging on every word Sheila spoke, and was leaning forward to hear my answer.

"I know Edward and his family. We met in Florida a couple of years ago while we were visiting relatives. We were spending the summer there, and the Masens were renting a beach house down the block from us. They were there for the summer too."

"Ok, so that explains how you know them. What happened between you two?" Sheila pressed, digging for details now that she had me talking.

I shrugged. "Edward and I just seemed to click as soon as we met. We dated that summer and were a couple."

"So did you break up when summer ended and you went back home? Do you think you two will get back together now that you both go to the same school?" Sheila asked excitedly. Dean seemed a little dejected at the thought of that possibility.

"Hell no!" I exclaimed. "Maybe when hell freezes over, I don't want anything to do with the arrogant bastard."

"Oh...?" Sheila seemed surprised, and Dean brightened up noticeably at my declaration. "What happened between you two?"

"The asshole caused the accident that put me in the hospital. I missed a year of my life because of him. I'm lucky to be alive. I was in a coma for a month, and the doctors didn't know if I'd ever be able to walk again at first. I spent six months in physical therapy because that asshole decided he had to drag race some other asshole on the strip by the beach."

"Oh wow! That's horrible," Shelia said, trying to sound sympathetic, but she was eating it up. "What about Edward?" Sheila asked.

I glanced over at the others before I answered her. Nessie was wearing a smirk on her face and was enjoying the tale I was spinning. Alice just rolled her eyes at me as I indulged myself in fabricating unnecessary details to embellish the tale. Jasper didn't seem upset and was trying to hide a grin as he fought breaking out laughing. I could just imagine him relaying the details to Edward later. Of course, it was possible he was listening in on what I was saying right now, silently fuming in whatever class he had at the moment. Lilly looked a little horrified that I was vilifying Edward and making up stories about him, but she knew our history and was aware of the fact that I didn't want to have to spend time with him at school.

I turned back to Sheila. "Edward? He walked away without a scratch. He didn't even get a ticket, lose his license or go to jail. They figured out a way to blame the accident on the other driver, and he even collected damages on the insurance settlement. By the time I woke up in the hospital, he was back home in New Hampshire going to school and had a new girlfriend."

"Yeah, I can see why you'd be a little pissed off at him," Sheila said.

Mrs. Jensen called the class to order then and we had to stop talking amongst ourselves as she took roll and got the class started. She passed out text books and the first novel we'd be reading for the class. It was a book I'd read many times for pleasure both before and after I was turned. The fact that I'd read it before didn't diminish my enjoyment of the material and I still enjoyed reading the book, despite the fact that I had it memorized now.

We received an explanation of the syllabus for the class and then Mrs. Jensen rolled right into her lecture and a class discussion of general literature topics, not wanting to waste any of the class time available to us.

The eighty-four minutes flew by, and then the bell was ringing to announce the end of the period. I was collecting my things to leave and go to my next class when Sheila asked me what my next class was.

"Nessie and I have Art with Ms. Bergeron next period," I told her.

"Oh wow, I guess great minds do think alike," Sheila said. "I have that class too," She said as she gathered her things and left with us to walk to Art class.

Alice and Lilly had the same class with us too, so the five of us girls left and walked together to class while the rest of the kids went their own ways to their classes. Dean told me goodbye and said he'd see me at lunch as he walked away.

Sheila watched him walk away, and then looked back at me appraisingly. "I think Dean likes you," Sheila said. "He's certainly paying a lot of attention to you, and normally the only thing on his mind this early in the school year is football."

"Umm... That's flattering, I guess..." I said, "But I'm not really looking for a boyfriend."

"So you don't like him?" Sheila pressed.

"I didn't say that..." I didn't want to shut him down. I might need a date if I needed one to double with Nessie, and I didn't want to burn any bridges or seem too aloof or uninterested.

Nessie smirked at me. "So you'd be willing to go out on a date with him if he asked you out?" She asked.

I glared back at her. I knew my answer would get back to him. Sheila would make sure of that. "Oh, I don't know. He seems nice, but I don't want to move too fast with anything. Maybe if we went out with a group or on a double date with Nessie and someone I might be interested."

"Really?" Sheila asked, sounding slightly incredulous. "That just sounds so old fashioned."

I shrugged. "I've been hurt before, and I'm not ready to jump into anything with both feet right now. Besides, Nessie and I do everything together."

"Everything?" Sheila asked suggestively as she smirked at me. "I know some guys that would definitely be up for that. You might not be twins, but sisters works too…"

"Umm... Not everything, everything," I said, trying to back pedal and defuse the situation.

Sheila laughed. "Ok, I get it, but you girls have got to come to some of the parties we throw this year. I think you'd have fun and it would let you meet a lot of people. Dean and his buddies on the football team are always a lot of fun. You're totally pretty enough that you would have made the cheerleading squad if you were here early enough for tryouts."

"Um, Bella, are you going to introduce us to your friend?" Alice asked as her and Lilly walked along with us.

"Oh, of course," I said. "Sheila, this is Alice Masen and Lilly Bailey. Alice is Edward's sister. I've known her for years, although we lived in different states until now."

"Hi," Sheila said. "So, you're Edward's sister? You guys are still friends after everything that happened? Did you guys meet in Florida that summer too?"

"Oh no, Bella and I have been friends for years. We were friends before she dated my brother. Our parents sent us all to the same summer camp when we were kids, and we'd spend the summers together, and then stay in touch over the internet during the rest of the year. That's how our families decided to vacation together in Florida that summer. Bella and Nessie were visiting relatives, and my family was renting a beach house for the summer."

The classroom was located in the auditorium building, but it wasn't raining as we crossed between buildings. The five of us continued to chat as we walked to the Art classroom and found seats. The classroom didn't have the typical individual desks and was arranged with larger work tables with enough chairs around them for a group of people to sit together.

When we arrived, I ended up at a table with Alice and Lilly, while Sheila and Nessie went to sit at another table with one of Sheila's friends. Apparently she had gotten enough information from me to sate her for awhile and wanted details I wouldn't talk about from Nessie while she had an audience to start spreading the story. I didn't really mind. I wouldn't have told her the story if I didn't expect her to spread it around the school.

I chatted with Alice and Lilly while we waited for class to start. I had a feeling this was going to be a more laid back easy going sort of class anyhow. It was art, and an elective, and we were all here because we wanted to be here. At least that was the theory. I hadn't picked any of my classes, although I didn't object to any of them on basic principle. Nessie knew me and knew what I liked. She'd pretty much picked classes I would have picked if I'd done the choosing.

Nessie went to sit with Sheila at another table, and another girl joined them. She had long pale blond hair and from her green and white pullover hoodie, I assumed she was on the cheerleading squad with Sheila. I didn't think I was so much actively eavesdropping on their conversation, but I could multitask now, and chat with Alice and Lilly while listening to what Nessie was talking about with Sheila and the new girl.

Sheila introduced the new girl as Ashley Seymour. She was a junior this year like the rest of us and was on the football cheerleading squad with Sheila. Ashley struck me as kind of self absorbed and shallow as the girls sat and talked to Nessie.

"So, you two are cheerleaders, right? Do you date a lot? I guess it's every guys dream to date a cheer leader while he's in high school." Nessie was saying.

"You know, that's what I thought too," Sheila was saying. "I guess I go out a lot, but mostly with friends... I think a lot of guys are intimidated by the whole cheerleader thing, and it scares them off. It's like we always end up hanging out with the same crowd all the time. Ashley's lucky though, she has a boyfriend."

"Huh, I guess that's true. You might want to try distancing yourself from the group when there's a guy you want to ask you out, or find ways to make yourself available to be asked out. Guys don't usually want to approach a group of girls. They're probably nervous already, and it scares them off when you're with all your friends. They'll wait until they can talk to you alone, but if you're never alone, then they aren't going to take a chance on getting shot down by your friends."

"You know, that makes a lot of sense," Sheila said. "I'm always with the other cheer leaders at school or after practice or at games. I'm usually in a group even when we go to the mall. I know guys are checking me out, but they never seem to take that chance to talk to me unless we're at a party or something. I'll have to give that a try. Thanks, Nessie."

"No problem. I was dating a really sweet guy before we moved, but we had to break up because I was moving away."

"That had to suck," Ashley said. "We're you guys close?"

"I really liked him a lot..."

"So, how far did you...? You know..." Sheila asked, hoping Nessie would give up some sweet gossip.

"Not far. I kissed him and we made out, but clothes stayed on," She lied. "So who are you dating, Ashley?" She asked to move the spotlight off of her.

"I've been going out with Mason Carlton since last year," Ashley said.

"Really?" Nessie asked. "Are you guys serious? Shelia said he had a girlfriend, but he doesn't seem to act like he's dating anyone."

"We're still a couple…" Ashley said, but it didn't sound too confident to me. "I was gone for a lot of the summer, but we're still together."

"Ok…" Nessie said. "So, have you guys gone out or had a serious talk since you got back or school started?"

"No…" Ashley said. "He's been really busy with football, and I've been busy with cheer leading, but we need to talk…"

"Umm… You've got his cell number, right? He's on facebook if he's seventeen and alive. Does his status say he's your boyfriend or that he's in a relationship?"

"I don't want to discuss it… We just need to talk. I want to talk to him face to face and we can work everything out. We always work everything out..."

"So, what? Did he dump you or say he's dating other girls now or something?"

"No! We're still a couple… I don't care about stupid facebook statuses. We just need to talk and work out our issues…"

"Ok, if you say so…" Nessie soothed, but she glanced at me and caught my eye. I couldn't read minds, but I knew my daughter well enough to know what was going on in her head, and I could practically hear her saying, 'denial ain't just a river in Egypt, Sweetheart. It's so over.'

I grinned back at her and couldn't help the smile that played across my lips. Somehow I couldn't feel sorry for Ashley, despite the fact that her relationship with Mason was obviously over. It sounded to me like she just wasn't willing to admit it yet.

I focused more of my attention back to Alice and Lilly and the other kids that had sat at our table. This was going to be an easy class to breeze through. The teacher, Ms. Bergeron, had taken roll and outlined what we were going to do this year, and then had given us a simple assignment to draw a picture. We could choose from several still life subjects in the classroom, sketch a portrait if we were daring enough, or even a self-portrait if we liked. I got the sketch book that Nessie had packed for me out of my bag to begin the assignment.

Ms. Bergeron simply wanted an example of what we were capable of doing to gauge our ability and determine where each of the students in the class was in terms of raw talent and skill. I knew Alice was an accomplished artist. She had been sketching fashion design ideas for years and years, and drawing came easily to her. I'd always thought she was very talented until I had become a vampire myself and found how easy drawing was for me now. We saw so much more and remembered so much more. We had meticulous attention to detail and the ability to reproduce what we saw in our minds eye in exacting detail.

I had refined that raw ability that was second nature to me now by taking some classes to learn the skills of a sketch artist to draw out descriptions from suspects and victims and produce drawings of the people they described to me. It was a useful skill in my line of work. I couldn't read minds like Edward, but I knew what questions to ask to get enough details to draw who a victim had seen.

I drew a portrait of Nessie, but toned it down a little so it didn't quite look like I'd taken a photograph and you could tell it was only a drawing. It gave me an excuse to glance in her direction and keep tabs on her conversation with Sheila and Ashley, but they hadn't said anything else that interested me as they talked about school and cheerleading and what kids did for excitement around here.

Alice drew a picture of me, but I realized it wasn't quite me. I looked at myself in the mirror everyday and I had come to accept the changes in my appearance. I'd looked like this for ten years now. I was going to look exactly like this for the next ten years and the ten years after that. I knew I would continue to look like this until something killed me and I ceased to exist. I didn't have any enemies that I considered to be a serious threat to my existence. I was sure there were crime syndicates and criminals that wanted me dead, but they had no idea what I was or where to find me. I felt fairly secure in the knowledge that I probably had many centuries ahead of me in this existence.

It took me a couple of minutes to realize Alice wasn't drawing me as I was now. She was working from memory and she drew a picture of the human girl that I had been when I fell in love with Edward. I hardly recognized the girl in the picture, but I knew it was me. Her face was rounder and softer, without the high sharp cheekbones and planes and angles that made my face harder and more aquiline and feral, but with an ethereal beauty now. There was a look of innocence in her eyes that had long since left mine. She had a look of wonder on her face when the world was new and exciting and she was only just discovering the mysteries that surrounded her.

It felt like a very long time since I had been that young, naïve, and innocent. When I was simply an ordinary human girl just taking her first steps into womanhood as I learned about the world around me. I had gotten everything I'd ever wanted and more. So much more as I glanced back at Nessie again. I had lost a lot too. It had all come at a price. I had gotten everything I'd asked for and had ever wanted except for the one thing that had been the most important thing to be back then.

I had lost Edward along with my innocence. I had embraced the darkness to build a life for myself and provide for my family. I couldn't honestly say I'd do anything different if I had the chance. I knew what I was doing and what I was getting myself into and I had willingly paid the price for what I had now.

It was Edward's choices that had taken him out of my life. He thought he was saving me, but the wheels of fate were already in motion and the simple act of removing himself from life was not enough to halt what had been set into motion.

He wanted me back now. Perhaps he had never stopped loving me, but did that really matter? He had made the choice to leave and we'd both had to deal with the consequences of the decision he had made for the both of us. The simple fact of the matter was that I wasn't that young, naïve, innocent girl that had fallen in love with the illusion of Edward Cullen ten years ago.

I knew all the gritty truths of the reality of the life I'd asked for now, and I knew that the life Edward had portrayed for me then was only an illusion. He had told me everything. He hadn't lied about anything, except for the nature of what was actually happening between us, but he accentuated the good parts and downplayed the less savory aspects of his life. I knew now that I had been viewing him and his life through the rose colored glasses of first love and infatuation. It didn't lessen the fact of what we shared or the fact that I knew that I still loved him, but back then, I had been in that stage of loving someone where they could do no wrong and you could forgive any transgression.

Perhaps if he had come back to me when I was still that young, naïve, innocent girl, I would have welcomed him back with open arms, but I had moved beyond that stage in our relationship. We still had a relationship, we always would, but it wasn't the one Edward wanted. I wasn't ready to welcome him back into my life yet. He was going to have to learn and understand that I had changed. I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself and providing for my family and I didn't need a protector or provider. I didn't need somebody to dictate to me how I would live my life. I needed a partner who would treat me as an equal. I needed Edward to accept that before we could start over and start rebuilding what we had lost.

"That's very good work, Bella," Ms. Bergeron said, startling me out of my reverie. "Have you taken art classes before?" She asked.

I glanced down at the sketch book realizing only now that I had drawn a second portrait. Edward's head and shoulders were beside Nessie's on the page, and the family resemblance was obvious to my eyes as I glanced at it. I hastily closed the sketch book before anyone else studied it in too much detail.

"Umm… Yes, I've taken some drawing classes before and a summer program for a sketch artist class," I lied.

Ms. Bergeron nodded as she made her way around the table. "Wow, you're all pretty talented," she enthused as she glanced at Lilly's work and stopped to look at Alice's sketch pad, then she glanced back at me. "This looks almost like Bella, but younger somehow…"

"That's Bella as she was a few years back when we first met," Alice said.

Ms. Bergeron nodded excitedly. "Very good, we should be able to move onto some pretty advanced work in this class, but I may have to divide the class up into groups…" She mused.

Her ruminations were interrupted by the bell, signaling the end of class. I quickly gathered my things to leave before she asked to look at my drawing again. I'd keep it, but I'd leave it at home after today.

Nessie joined me as we walked out of class. The other kids said goodbye as we left to go to our lockers and drop off the books we'd received this morning before heading to Spanish. Lilly and Alice had another class, and said goodbye as they headed off in another direction.

Next was the class I'd been dreading all day. Nessie and I had Spanish class next with her father and Jasper. I didn't mind seeing Jasper again, but I knew he'd sit with Edward. It was bad enough that Edward was my lab partner in Forensic Science. I was not planning to sit by him in Spanish Class too.

The Spanish Class was in the same building as our English Class. If we hadn't had to leave to go to Art Class, we would have spent all day in this building. Of course Lunch was in a separate building too, so I guess we had to come back here for every other class. As it was, I was in no hurry to get to Spanish. I wanted Edward to get there first, but still be early enough with empty chairs left so we wouldn't have to sit by him and could pick seats on the other side of the room or something.

It was a moot point regardless when we got there. Edward and Jasper were sitting in the back of the classroom as was typical for them, and so far, Nessie and I had made a point of sitting in the middle of the room. Edward looked at me with longing and indicated the empty seat beside him, but I looked away and ignored him. Natalie and Gilbert were already there, so we sat beside them.

The bell was about to ring when Mason Carlton dashed into the room, looking around to find a seat in a hurry. Nessie waved to him, and he hurried over and sat in the empty seat beside her, smiling broadly as he dropped into the seat just as the bell was ringing.

I looked over my shoulder at the back of the classroom as the teacher took roll, and glanced at Edward. He was staring at me intently and seemed a little miffed that I had declined to sit beside him. Jasper just smiled apologetically and nodded to me.

It was the standard first day of class routine after that. Señor Flores handed out text books and a reader. Then he went over the syllabus and the classroom expectation. He told us that since this was Spanish three, this would be the last day we would be speaking English in this classroom, and that from here on out, he would expect us to speak Spanish in class. That didn't bother me. Nessie and I could both speak Spanish fluently. I knew Jasper and Edward were both fluent with the language as well. I had doubts about the rest of the class though.

We practiced dialog for most of the rest of the class period. Señor Flores asked different people in the class questions in Spanish and expected them to respond to him in Spanish as well. I was correct about most of the class's proficiency with the language. Most of the kids struggled to string a sentence together that was anywhere close to grammatically correct when they weren't simply parroting back the canned phrases out of the book or dialogs.

Soon enough, it was my turn and Señor Flores turned to me. "Muy bien, señorita Brandon, ¿qué puedes decirme sobre el lugar donde vivía antes de mudarse a Mount Vernon?" (_Alright, Miss Brandon, what can you tell me about where you used to live before you moved to Mount Vernon?_)

I shrugged. "No hay mucho que decir. Vivíamos en un pequeño pueblo de Sioux City, Iowa, cerca de un año, pero se movía mucho antes de eso. Pasamos un tiempo en Minnesota, Chicago, estado de Nueva York y otros lugares, mientras que estábamos creciendo." (_There's not much to tell. We lived in a small town by Sioux City, Iowa for about a year, but we moved around a lot before that. We spent time in Minnesota, Chicago, upstate New York and some other places while we were growing up._)

"Excelente, tu español es muy bueno, la señorita Brandon." (Excellent, your Spanish is very good, Miss Brandon.)

Then Señor Flores turned to Nessie. "¿Y usted, señorita Brandon, ¿por qué te mueves tanto mientras usted estaba creciendo?" (_And how about you, Miss Brandon, why did you move around so much while you were growing up?_)

"Mi padre jugó al béisbol paso para un montón de equipos diferentes cuando éramos pequeños, y luego cuando eran más grandes, encontró trabajo como fotógrafo deportivo y cazatalentos. Hemos seguido los equipos que más le gustaban a evitar." (_My step father played baseball for a lot of different teams when we were little, and then when we were bigger, he found work as a sports photographer and talent scout. We followed the teams he liked to work around_.)

"Excelente, parece que las dos hermanas Brandon habla español con fluidez." (_Excellent, it looks like both of the Brandon sisters are fluent in Spanish._)

Jasper and Edward both demonstrated their command of the language when it was their turn to speak. Señor Flores took pity on the rest of the class after he was done gauging our ability, and assigned homework out of the text book and reader. He gave us the rest of the period to work on our homework. Most of the class took that to mean we were free to chat with our neighbors until the bell rang to go to lunch.

I chatted with Natalie and Gilbert while Nessie turned to talk to Mason, and once again, I found her conversation more interesting than mine.

"You're really good at speaking Spanish, Nessie," Mason complimented her.

Nessie shrugged. "It's something you pick up when you're around people that speak it everyday. So, I met your girlfriend in my Art Class last period," Nessie said to Mason, conversationally, changing the subject to something she was interested in. I could tell she'd said it to gauge what kind of response she'd get.

"My girlfriend? Is that what Ashley is saying? I heard she was telling people we were still together."

"So she's not your girlfriend then? She got pretty upset when I told her that you didn't act like you had a girlfriend. What happened?"

"Well, I guess we never officially broke up, but we haven't gone out together since last year when we were still in school. We had a fight and stopped talking. I guess it wasn't the first time, but we always made up and got back together after. We just sort of drifted apart after that last big fight, though."

"How come?"

"The school year was over and she went away to Europe for most of the summer with her parents before we could talk. I tried to call her, but we never seemed to connect because of the time difference. It was like she was avoiding me. She posted pictures of the guys she was hanging out with on vacation on facebook, and she didn't make any secret of the fact that she was going out with other guys."

"That must have hurt."

"It did, but I assumed that if she wouldn't talk to me and she was going out with other guys, then we were over. I changed my facebook status to single and started dating again. I wasn't going to waste my whole summer pining away over Ashley and waiting for her to come back just to break up with me and tell me we were through."

"That makes sense."

"Even when she got back, we still didn't talk. She had cheerleading camp and practice, and was too busy hanging out with the cheerleaders to find the time to talk to me, and now I hear she's telling people we're still together and I'm cheating on her if I go out with other girls."

"I think you need to sit her down and tell her how it is. Do you still want to be together with her?"

"I thought I loved her, but she only wants to love me when it's convenient for her. We always had one of those on again off again kinds of relationships where we'd be ok for a while, then fight and make up, but it just kept repeating that cycle, like she liked it that way. I want somebody that's going to be there for me if I decide to have another girlfriend. I don't want to fight all the time just so we can keep making up. For now, I think I just want to date different girls and figure out what's right for me. That's not Ashley. She's a little too self-absorbed for me right now."

"That's cool. I can totally see that. It sounds like fun."

"So would you be willing to go out with me some time? Maybe we could catch a movie or go hang out at the mall or something…"

"Umm… Break up with your girlfriend first, and then ask me again. I'm not going to be accused of being the other woman or breaking you guys up. I'll probably hear that anyhow, but I'm not going to say yes until you tell her it's over."

"Ok, that's fair. I will be asking you out again soon though, so decide where you want to go."

"I'll let you know if you ask me."

The bell rang then, and we gathered our things to leave.

"Will you walk with me to lunch?" Mason asked Nessie.

"Umm… I'll meet you there, ok? I need to go to my locker first. It'll give you time to talk to Ashley."

Mason swallowed hard, and then nodded his head and strode out of the classroom purposefully as though he was setting out to accomplish something momentous.

"Pushy much?" I asked Nessie as we walked out of the classroom to go to our locker.

"He needs somebody to push him, or he'll drag this out forever. He could have broken up with her before this if he'd really wanted to."

"I suppose so." I could feel Edward approaching us from behind, and he fell into step between Nessie and me.

"Will you sit with us at lunch today?" Edward asked, conversationally, but I could hear the note of desperation in his voice.

"I don't think so…" I said. "It's too soon, and people might get the wrong idea if I sit with you."

"Alright, I understand." Edward said and nodded curtly. "And you, Nessie, Will you sit with us?"

"Sorry, not today. I'm working on something. So, was he telling the truth?" Nessie asked.

"Excuse me? What do you mean?" Edward asked, playing dumb.

"C'mon, I know the two of you were practically hanging on every word I said. Was Mason telling the truth about Ashley?"

"Basically, yes. He realizes he could have broken up with her before this, but he was allowing her to string the relationship along in it's current state as a safe fall back position in case he decided to go out with her again. He knew she'd make up with him again if he approached her about it. In the mean time he felt free to date other girls because he was convinced she was dating other boys."

"Is he going to end it now?"

"He was intent on talking to her. He feels it is a necessary step to dating you. You know, I really don't think that is appropriate..."

"You're entitled to an opinion. I understand your desire to voice it. That's ok as long as you understand that I feel absolutely no obligation to accept it or follow any advice you may care to offer."

"He only wants one thing from you, Nessie. He's a teenage boy..."

"I know all about teenage boys and what they want. Was he intimate with Ashley?"

"Yes. His memories are too vivid and accurate to be fantasies. He believes dating you will lead to a similar situation."

Nessie shrugged. "It might. I can't really say right now. I suppose that's up to him and how nice he is. He does smell very nice."

Edward bristled at the comment, and I could tell he was upset. "Nessie, I simply cannot condone that sort of behavior..."

She pulled up short and turned to face him. "Ok, let's get this straight right now. You lost the right to have any kind of say over my actions, who I'm with or what I do with them ten years ago when you walked out on us and left. I'm willing to have a cordial and amicable relationship with you, regardless, but just because you show up out of the blue now after all these years does not give you the right to dictate my actions or tell me what I can or cannot do. If you can't accept that, then I don't want to have anything to do with you and you can walk away again. Maybe we can try this again in another ten years."

Edward looked shaken, but turned to look at me. "Are you going to let her get away with this?" He asked.

"Yes. I agree with everything she said except for the part about having a cordial and amicable relationship with you. You're going to have to earn that, and trying to tell either of us what to do or how to run our lives isn't winning you any brownie points. We already talked about this, Edward. Did you even talk to Alice this morning?"

"Yes, I did..."

"And did she happen to relay any of what we discussed this morning to you?"

"She replayed the pertinent parts of the conversation for me..."

"And obviously you chose to ignore it. I meant everything I said, Edward..."

"Perhaps this isn't the best venue for this conversation," Jasper interrupted. "So far I've been able to keep people from becoming interested in what you've been saying, but they're starting to take notice. Let's take this outside or save it for another time, Ok?"

"Fine, I'm through here," I said.

Nessie was still facing Edward. "You can have an opinion. You can even offer advice, but don't tell me what to do or expect me to follow it or this is over. I'll let it slide this time as fair warning, don't screw up again. And if you try to run him off or scare him away, or I will be very displeased."

Nessie and I turned and walked away towards our locker while Jasper took Edward by the arm and pulled him in the opposite direction.

"C'mon, Edward," Jasper said. "Let's get you outside and get some air..." Edward shrugged off his arm, but continued to walk beside him as they went to the stairs to leave.

"Well, that could have gone better," Nessie said as we put our books away before going to lunch.

I shook my head. "No, that's actually better than what I was expecting. Edward is almost as stubborn as me, and it's going to take him some time to come around. He's going to have to alter his world view and learn to trust us before he can accept us as equals. His whole world is based on being the protector for his family by looking out for potential threats, but I'm not going to let him run my life if he wants a shot at being a part of it again."

"Fine, just as long as we're on the same page about this. I can accept that," Nessie said.

The hallway was practically deserted as we turned to leave and walked to the cafeteria for lunch. I nearly gagged from the stench of human food permeating the atmosphere as we walked into the lunch room. At least the line was getting short as Nessie led me over to the queue leading into the kitchen where the lunch ladies were serving the hot lunch. Nobody got in line behind me as we brought up the rear of the line.

I followed Nessie's example and took a tray when we got up to the counter. The serving lady was wearing a white uniform, a hair net and plastic serving gloves. She was holding a smaller tray with compartments to serve food for the hot meal onto it.

"Hot lunch today?" She asked with a slightly haggard smile. We were at the end of the line for the third lunch session today. She'd been at this for a while before we walked in.

Nessie shook her head. "No thank you, we're going to look at the ala carte offerings and hit the salad bar."

The lunch lady nodded like she was expecting that response and put down the tray. She acted like she'd heard it more than once today. I wondered why. I knew a lot of kids complained about the food in school and made jokes about mystery meat, but the school lunch had always been pretty good when I was human. I'd never had any complaints about the food that was served when I was capable of eating it.

Of course now was a completely different situation, and I was no longer capable of eating any of it. I had to stop breathing to make it through the lunch line without gagging and bolting out of the cafeteria, but I held it together and didn't make a scene. I'd done enough of that yesterday, and the stench of the human food actually made it easier to deal with the scent of so many humans packed into the lunch room. I needed to play it cool and act normal if we were going to even be able to pull off going to high school.

Soon enough we were past the hot lunch line and Nessie made some selections off the ala carte racks. She took an apple so I took and apple. She took a grilled chicken breast patty and a bottle of water so I followed suit. She fixed a small green salad at the salad bar with no dressing so I got one too. Then we were at the end of the line and paid for our food.

We walked back into the main cafeteria room to find a table to sit down to eat. We were surveying the tables, looking for an empty spot to sit. I saw Edward and Lilly, Alice and Jasper all sitting together at one table off to the side of the room. Edward was looking at me longingly, and nodded to the seat beside him, but I turned away and stopped looking in their direction.

There was a minor commotion going on at another table. Voices were raised and it sounded like an argument. Nessie was watching intently, and I followed her gaze to the source of the commotion. I could recognize the voices and sighed. This was bound to happen, but I suppose it was best to get it over with now.

Ashley and Mason were having a heated discussion at a lunch table in the cafeteria. Most of the kids we'd met so far were sitting there. Sheila and Ashley were sitting between Dean and Mason. Cathy was intent on eating her lunch and trying to ignore the tiff. Natalie and Gilbert were there on the opposite side of the table. There were other kids that we hadn't met yet. Some of them were in classes with us, and some I'd never seen before. Most of them looked like cheerleaders or jocks and I had a feeling it was the table for the popular 'In Crowd'.

Suddenly Ashley pushed away from the table and stormed out of the cafeteria. Sheila was staring daggers at Mason, and then she jumped up to follow Ashley out the doors, calling for her to wait up.

"C'mon, Bella," Nessie said. "I see a couple of open seats."

I sighed as she headed for the table that Sheila and Ashley had just walked away from. "Fine, but that table is awfully crowded. Are you going to be able to pull off this lunch thing?"

"Just push your food around on your tray and nobody will notice. Half the girls at that table aren't even eating, and the ones that are will be lining up in the bathroom to puke it all back up after lunch anyhow. You'll fit right in. They'll assume you're on a diet to keep looking as hot as you do, just like the rest of them."

"That's not healthy. They should be eating their lunches."

"I can't disagree with you there. There are some pretty tasty morsels at that table."

"Nessie! Be good..."

"Whatever for?"

"You promised..."

"I won't bite anyone. Not here at least. I'm just surprised he had the balls to really tell her it was over. Maybe he's worth dating after all."

Then we had to shut up because we were too close to the table. Nessie led us over to the two seats vacated by Sheila and Ashley, and we sat down. Of course Nessie sat beside Mason and I was left sitting beside Dean. We set our trays on the table and I pretended to eat and pushed my food around while Nessie actually took a couple of bites.

Natalie introduced us to the rest of the kids at the table. I was right, it was mostly cheerleaders and jocks, but Natalie wasn't a cheerleader, and Gilbert didn't play sports. Apparently Sheila had talked Cathy into trying out for the squad this year. Natalie ran cross country, and Cathy had been on the team last year too, but had opted to tryout for cheerleader this year instead. She'd been surprised when she was picked, but she was a pretty girl.

"So what was the commotion about over here before we sat down?" Nessie asked, as if she didn't already know. "It looked like Sheila and Ashley sure left in a hurry. Did she eat something that didn't agree with her?"

"Umm... Mason and Ashley were discussing something," Cathy volunteered.

"What were you discussing?" Nessie asked as she turned to look Mason in the eye.

"You know what we were discussing." He said quietly, sounding a little upset.

"I guess I have a pretty good idea, but I want to hear you say it," Nessie pressed.

"Fine, I broke up with Ashley. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Yes, thank you," Nessie said loud enough so everyone at the table could hear her. "So you don't have a girlfriend and you're free to date other girls now?"

"Yes, I can date other girls now. Although I think I'm going to take it easy for a while and let the dust settle. I don't want Ashley to think I just wanted to break up with her so I could date somebody else. This has been building since before the summer, and it was time to clear the air."

"That's cool. So you've got a football game on Friday night?"

"Yeah," Mason said, breathing easier now that she'd changed the subject. "We have our first away game at Sequim."

"Over on the peninsula?" I asked, startled. "That's by Port Angeles. I didn't think we were even in that conference…"

"Yeah," Dean chimed in, sounding kind of put out by the subject. "That's new this year, but the school board and the superintendent changed conferences on us. We're playing eight man football this year instead of regular football with eleven man teams. It's an experiment because eight man football is more popular with the smaller schools around Puget Sound and out on the peninsula. They claim it's a faster, higher scoring game, and there are supposedly fewer injuries so they're making us try it. We'll all be graduated before they make a decision whether or not to stick with it or switch back to regular football."

"Did they even ask you?" I asked.

"When did the school board or the administration ever ask the kids what they want? They did a study and talked about it in meetings. We signed a petition to protest the change, and then they voted and went ahead and did it anyhow as a pilot program, but they had to sign up for a four year commitment to switch conferences. They said they had to try it to determine the long term consequences of making a change and we should look at the big picture for the future. The big picture doesn't do me any good when I'm graduating next year, and this is the first year of a four year project."

"So who do we play now? I figured we'd be playing teams from around here, north and east of Seattle."

"Not anymore. That was last year. Now we're in the Olympic Conference. I'd have to look at the schedule, but I know we play Tenino and Onalaska. Hell, I think we even play Forks. That's a three and a half hour bus trip each way."

"Huh, well I guess we can hit the home games and maybe some of the closer away games." I said, trying to play it off.

I really wanted to avoid the Olympic peninsula as much as possible while we lived out here. I seriously doubted anyone I knew or had known out here would even recognize me. I didn't really look the same, I hadn't aged and it had been ten years. One of the common themes in Forks among the kids I'd known was a desire to get away from the small town life and escape to the big city. Most of the kids had been planning to go away to school, and I doubted many who had made it out had returned. Any of the kids I went to school with were too young to have kids in high school yet, so there was no reason to expect to run into any of them. Still it was best not to take chances.

"That's cool," Dean said. "Maybe we can hang out after some of the games or something."

"Yeah... That might be fun...," I said, sounding a little tentative. "Don't you get in kind of late from away games if you have to travel?"

"Yeah, but the coaches usually let us have some time to celebrate and eat dinner before we get on the road after an away game. If you went to the game, you could join us before we had to get on the bus to drive home."

"There's usually a party after the home games, or Saturday night after away games," Mason chimed in.

"That sounds like fun," Nessie said.

The first warning bell signaling the end of lunch rang then before I had to make any commitments to go to parties or hang out with these kids. I got up from the table almost too fast to go dump my tray as I said my goodbyes. Nessie was hanging back, walking with Mason. Dean was heading my way, so I quickly ducked out of the building to avoid him. I was almost across the courtyard before he was out the door.

"You know, he's just going to keep chasing you for as long as you keep leading him on, Bella. Don't you think it's a little beneath you to play these childish games with a bunch of children who are half your age? I know you can't possibly feel anything for the boy."

I hadn't even seen Edward leave the cafeteria, but he was waiting for me when I ducked into the school building to avoid Dean and go to my class.

"They're not even close to being half my age and people get married with wider age gaps than the difference between my real age and any of the kids in our class. Besides, who's being the hypocrite now? You dated me when I was in high school, and you were five times my age. Don't you think that's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black, Mr. Pot?"

"Touché, Ms. Kettle. How long are we going to keep playing this game, Bella? You can't honestly mean to date the boy, do you?"

"We'll keep playing this game, as you call it, until you're ready to accept me, my career and my lifestyle at face value without trying to dictate how I'm going to live. I'm not going to change who I am to accommodate you, Edward, just because you finally managed to find me. You lost me. I always knew where I was and what I was doing. I'm not the same person I was ten years ago. When you're willing to accept that and move on, them maybe we can start over and try to build something together."

"You don't have to keep doing what you're doing anymore, Bella. I know I was wrong to leave, now. I've known that almost from the beginning, but you were gone by the time I could try to fix it. I want to try to make up for that. Let me take care of you. I owe you that. We can go away, travel the world, see all of its wonders. You don't have to play at being the vigilante to provide for your family anymore..."

"You just don't get it do you? I like my life, Edward. I'm not playing at anything beyond the fact that I truly enjoy what I do, and sometimes it does seem like play. You'd have about as much chance telling Carlisle he doesn't have to go to the hospital anymore to be a doctor because you don't need his paycheck."

"We don't..."

"But that's not why he goes to the hospital, is it? He doesn't go for the paycheck. He'd work for free if it wouldn't attract too much attention. I don't do what I do because I have to. I like it. The money is just a nice benefit now because it's a language criminals understand. Hitting them in the wallet is often more effective than killing them."

"You're right, I don't understand. I'll have to work on that. Back to the matter at hand though, you can't be seriously considering dating this Dean Isaacson, are you? You know what that will do to me if I see the two of you together. I could kill him..."

"Then don't watch. The easiest way to get him to stop chasing me is to let him catch me. If Nessie dates Mason, and I need a date to support her and double date with them, then I will allow him to escort me..."

"That is so completely irresponsible. You realize you're putting his life in danger just being with him..."

"I have perfect control. I'm not a danger to him. He wouldn't be the first human I've dated. I'm perfectly capable of doing everything your Tanya can do, and it didn't take me a thousand years to figure it out, either..."

Edward roared like a wounded jungle cat.

He struck out at the wall, his hand and arm moving in a blur, and smashed the door of the locker in front of him.

There was the perfect impression of his fist embedded in the steel sheet metal where the door was pressed into the wall back behind the locker. The door was buckled off its hinges and folded around his fist where it was pushed through the locker, destroying much of the contents.

The wall cracked, with a resounding crash that echoed through the building and a vertical split ran up the brick wall above the row of lockers. An alarm went off somewhere, and I could hear shouting in some of the surrounding offices and classrooms.

"Now you've done it!" I exclaimed. "Clean this up! I've got to get to class!" and with that, I dashed away, putting distance between me and Edward as I flew down the empty hallway at full speed.

I could see him trying to flatten out the metal door and interior back wall of the locker to disguise the impression of his fist when I glanced back before flying up the stairs. It had only been seconds and nobody had come to investigate yet. I ducked into the girl's bathroom at the top of the stairs to kill some time before class started. Most of the kids at lunch were still crossing the courtyard, and the classrooms in the building hadn't been dismissed yet.

I waited, hiding in a bathroom stall until I could hear people in the hallway. I stepped out of the stall and washed my hands before touching up my makeup, and then nonchalantly walked out of the bathroom and made my way to class. I was early, but Jasper was already in the room, seated in a desk along the edge of the pattern of desks, but in the middle instead of the back of the room. Lilly sat behind him, but he'd obviously arranged it so the seat next to him was available for me. I took the hint and sat beside him.

I looked around, but nobody was sitting close to us yet. "Is Edward ok?" I asked. I was pretty sure he knew what I meant.

"He's fine. He left before anybody saw him, but the school called the police. They haven't arrived yet, and the administration hasn't decided whether to evacuate the building yet or not. They doubt the structure is compromised, but they aren't sure if it was a terrorist attack yet or not."

"What? Why would they think that?"

"The damage is severe enough to have been caused by a bomb, but it didn't blow up the locker. They still can't decide what could have been powerful enough to cause that much damage besides an explosive device, but the damage is wrong. It's blown in not out, and the force appears to be all from one direction, from the outside. Bombs apply force in all directions, but if it was a shaped charge, then there would have been heat and fire damage."

"What do we do now?"

"Nothing, It will remain an unexplained mystery. These sorts of things happen, but there isn't enough evidence to come to any sort of rational conclusion. It would be different if there were surveillance cameras or witnesses, but you did the right thing. You left immediately before anyone saw you, and Edward disguised the evidence and then got away before anyone saw him leave."

"Seriously? Nobody saw him? I heard people yell. How do you know nobody ducked their head into hall or saw him run away?"

"We do have some experience with this sort of thing, Bella. He was monitoring the people in the building. Nobody saw what really happened."

"Ok…"

"I guess he must have been pretty upset to elicit a reaction like that. What did you say to him?"

"I told him I was going to date Dean if he asks me out so I have a date if I decide to double date with Nessie. I may have implied that I've dated other boys since we broke up. He implied that it was dangerous for Dean to be with me, and I told him I could do everything Tanya can do."

"Have you done everything Tanya does with her dates?"

"Umm... yes... once or twice..., but it's not like I go out of my way looking for guys to date. I'm entitled to having a couple of dates over a ten year period. He broke up with me so I'm free to do as I please. I've never bitten one. Those were all accidents and none of them were people I'd date."

Jasper gave a low whistle and looked at me like he was kind of impressed. "I can see where that would upset him a little bit. No wonder he tried to tear the building down with his bare hands."

"I guess I was mad too. He told me I don't have to work anymore, Jasper, and that he wants to take care of me. I don't need somebody to take care of me. He makes it sound like the only reason I do what I do is because I have to and I've been forced into my career because I couldn't do anything else."

"And do you?"

"Of course not! I'll admit, in the very beginning, it was about the money, but after the first couple of jobs that didn't matter anymore. I could have stopped a very long time ago if that was the only reason why I did this."

"Why do you do it?"

"I like to think I'm making a difference. I can't simply sit by and do nothing when I know I have the ability to do something."

"Edward used to think like that, but he couldn't stomach being judge, jury and executioner."

"I know, but I rarely take it to that extreme when I can avoid it. I let the legal system work the way it's designed to work when I can. There are exceptions and accidents, but most of the time I turn them over to the cops with the evidence to convict them of the perpetrators guilt. I don't do it simply as a means of justifying hunting that way."

"That's an admirable sentiment. I can see the merit of what you do. I never tried to live as Edward did, although I can see why he did what he did. By the time Alice found me and we went to the Cullens, I was hard pressed as it was simply to abstain at all. Attempting to do what you do back then would have simply put too much of a strain on my resolve to follow Carlisle's way of life."

"And now?"

"And now? If you ever need some backup, don't hesitate to give me a call. I might find it an interesting diversion. I have contacts in the local community that might be of interest to you."

"Ok, I'll keep that in mind."

"So what are you going to do about Edward?"

I shrugged. "What happens with Edward is up to Edward. I want a partner who'll treat me as an equal, not somebody who's going to tell me how I'm going to live my life. He's not going to make all my decisions and then tell me what's going to happen or what I'm going to do. When he's ready to be what I need, then maybe I'll give him a second chance."

"That kind of change is going to be very difficult for him, Bella."

I sighed. "I know, but I'm not the same girl I was when we left. I've changed and I can't go back to living like that. I don't need him, Jasper. He needs me. I've got Nessie, and she fills the void that he left in my heart when he left."

"Yes, I can see that… We would have found you a long time ago if you'd been looking for Edward as hard as he was looking for you."

"I was never actively looking for any of you after the first day when I left Forks. The trail was cold and I was too sick to waste my time searching. When I was better, it just didn't matter to me anymore. I was convinced Alice would have seen me and what I was going through, and she would have turned up on my doorstep if any of you cared about me. I didn't hide from him, Jasper, and I knew this would probably happen someday, but I wasn't looking. I could have found you all years ago if I'd wanted to. It's what I do. I was content to let sleeping dogs lie and just get on with my life."

"Well, he has found you now, and he's not going to let you slip away again. He's quite intent and adamant upon being a part of your life again."

I sighed. "Then he better be prepared to deal with my needs, or he in for a rude awakening. I'm not the pushover I used to be that would simply capitulate and defer to his decisions."

"Good. That's exactly what he needs," Jasper said with a huge smile on his face.

Nessie and Mason came in together and took seats near me. Natalie and Gilbert turned up and waved as they sat down. The room rapidly filled up, and then the teacher, Mr. Abrams, called the class to order. We went through the first day of school routine again. Mr. Abrams took roll and passed out text books. He told up what we'd be studying this year and gave us a synopsis of the periods we'd study. He ran through his initial lecture and assigned homework. The eighty-four minutes flew past, and then we were done for the day.

I told Jasper and Lilly goodbye, and they left to go find Alice and Edward. Nessie didn't seem to be in any hurry to leave and hung back to talk to Mason as I walked to our locker to collect the books I'd need to do my homework. I didn't try to eavesdrop on their conversation, but they appeared to be getting friendlier. Mason told her goodbye to leave for football practice, and Nessie came over to get her books.

"So, you and Mason seem to be hitting it off."

"He's sweet. He doesn't come off as some insensitive jock like I was expecting."

"He just broke up with his girlfriend."

"He should have broken up with her three months ago. He just made it official today so he can date other girl's without getting called a cheat. He has dated other girls since they stopped seeing each other."

"So the human connections aren't so bad after all?"

"I like people, Bella. Besides, he smells nice. I wonder if he tastes as good as he smells?"

"Nessie! You wouldn't!"

She shrugged. "I won't do anything to get either of us in trouble. Who knows, maybe he likes it a little rough and wouldn't mind if I have a little taste."

"We want to stay here for a while, Nes. Don't do anything stupid..."

"Don't worry, Bella. I've got this under control."

It worried me to hear her talk like that, but I knew she was a responsible young lady, and she wouldn't do anything stupid to get us into trouble. Of course, worst case scenario, she knew how to dispose of a body so nobody would ever find it, and how to hide the evidence so nobody could track her. She knew how not to leave evidence or clues to be discovered.

I didn't have a degree in criminal justice or a working knowledge of crime scene investigation for nothing, and Nessie knew everything I did. She might as well have taken the classes with me.

Knowing how to investigate a crime scene allowed you to know what to look for to find the evidence and get clues about the perpetrator. It also allowed you to hide that evidence and cover your tracks because you knew what an investigator was looking for when you were the perpetrator.

I didn't think she'd hurt anyone, but I just had to hope I'd raised her right at this point.

We collected our things and left to go home. It was a much less hectic evening than Monday night. There was a message from Carlisle's nurse when we got home from school that afternoon with the time for Nessie's doctor's appointment the next day on Wednesday afternoon. It was after we got out of school so we could drive right over to the hospital before we went home.

Wednesday was much less eventful than Monday had been. Dean sat beside me again and wanted to chat and get friendly. I didn't discourage him and decided we could at least be friends for now. Sheila and Ashley were back at our table for lunch again and Ashley glared at Nessie sitting next to Mason. Sheila seemed to be eating up the gossip worthy bits of their budding relationship while Ashley seemed pissed off that he was moving on so soon.

There were no Cullens or Masens or vampires in any of our classes until the end of the day, but then I was forced to sit beside Edward in Forensic Science in our last class of the day. He didn't pester me or try to engage me in conversation and we stayed focused on the class and our class work. It was better than our first class together, and I was actually able to focus on what we were doing and join in the classroom discussion of our homework assignment. Mrs. Harpel seemed grudgingly impressed with my performance. I suppose my preparation paid off. I'd only been studying this course material for most of my adult life and had a couple of degrees and a doctorate in the field.

Mason kissed Nessie goodbye on the cheek before he went off to football practice and we left to go to her doctor appointment.

"So things are progressing with Mason?" I asked when we were in the car so nobody would overhear our conversation.

"He's nice. I like him. We talked on the phone for like two hours last night. I can't believe you're really making me go to the doctor, mom. I've never been sick a day in my life."

"What about your cramps? Maybe Carlisle can help. It's worth a try."

"I suppose you're right, but I'm still not going to let him examine me. I don't mind a regular standard checkup. He can listen to my heart and take my blood pressure. I don't mind him taking samples for a blood test or giving him a urine sample, but he's not touching me down you-know-where."

"That's fine. He said we'd just do the easy tests first and leave the pelvic exam for later if he thought it was indicated."

"Most doctors don't recommend one until a couple of years after you're sexually active, and I'm not. I have no intention of giving up my virginity to a piece of plastic, whether it's for fun on my own or an instrument a doctor shoves into me to take a look around. He's certainly not shoving his fingers or hand up there either. You know that's part of the exam too."

"Fine, I get it. I guess I have to agree with you. I've never had an exam like that done either, but it doesn't sound like much fun. Maybe he can get us some answers with just the blood work and other tests. I'm sure Carlisle will do those himself to keep the results confidential."

"I'm cool with that. He can listen to my heart and take my blood pressure. I don't mind letting him draw blood or peeing in a cup, but if he wants anything more physical, I want a lady doctor."

"Ok, I'll back you up on that."

Nessie nodded and we were quiet for the rest of the ride to the hospital. The parking lot wasn't very crowded and I was able to park close to the door. We walked in the lobby and found the listing for Carlisle's office, and then we walked back through the hospital to find him. The directory had listed his specialty as internal medicine and general surgery.

I realized this was the first time I had been inside a hospital for something as mundane as a regular checkup or an office visit in ten years. Visiting the hospital had been a relatively regular occurrence for me when I was human, to the point where I was on a first name basis with the emergency room staff. I could count the times I'd been inside a hospital in the last ten years on one hand, and they'd all been work related incidents, most often to drop off victims, but a couple of times to interview witnesses.

Hospitals had once seemed safe and almost like a second home to me, but they were uncomfortable to visit now. It wasn't an altogether pleasant experience. Most people complained about the antiseptic smell of hospitals, the medicine and cleaning agents that were employed to prevent infection left a definite hospital odor in the air like peroxide and iodine, but I was more concerned with the ever present undertone of blood and raw human smells that hung in the air. I could certainly handle it, and I didn't have any issues with controlling myself, but it intensified the burn and brought it to the forefront of my mind. I would definitely need to hunt when this was over with.

We found the correct office and walked into a nicely appointed waiting room with a receptionist sitting behind a counter with a sliding glass partition window. Several people were seated in chairs waiting to be seen. We walked up to the counter and the girl seated behind the window slid the glass panel open.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

We hadn't rehearsed this, but I realized I couldn't very well say I was her mother. We both looked practically the same age. I turned to Nessie and looked at her expectantly.

Nessie sighed and turned to the receptionist. "I guess I have an appointment to see Dr. Masen today?"

"Ok, can I get your name, please?"

"Vanessa Brandon," She replied.

It was the name she was currently using, and it was on all of her ID's that she carried with her, although all of us had other ID's and papers with different names and ages. We even had medical insurance under that name, although we'd never had call to use it before. We needed the insurance card to carry in our wallets, and the school required that we were covered by medical insurance to register. There was a low income health insurance policy that we could have signed up for through the school, but it didn't fit our persona or the lifestyle we projected. It would look odd and attract attention if we showed up to the doctor and didn't have medical insurance. We had never used it before, but if we were going to live among humans and try to fit in, it was a necessary part of the charade.

"Ok, here you are…" the receptionist replied after consulting her computer. "Are you a new patient? I don't seem to have a file for you…"

"Yes, this is the first time I've seen Dr. Masen professionally, although he's an old family friend."

"Ok. Can I see your medical insurance card and a picture ID? Then I have some forms you'll need to fill out…"

"That won't be necessary, Ellen…" Carlisle said as he walked up behind the receptionist.

"Hello, Dr. Masen," I said as Carlisle appeared, apparently to rescue us from an embarrassing lack of documentation.

Nessie was opening her purse and removed her wallet. She opened it and slipped the required cards out and handed them to the receptionist. "Here you go," She said as the girl took the cards and handed Nessie a clip board with several sheets of paper.

"I'll just copy these and get them right back to you…"

"Ok…" Carlisle said, sounding a little surprised. "Well I guess you can come back to my office now, and we can get started…"

Carlisle stepped away from the window and opened the door for us to walk back into the medical office proper. We stepped inside and walked down the hallway, and then stopped in front of an electronic digital scale.

"How are you girls doing this afternoon?" Carlisle asked as we walked in.

"School was ok. There were no further incidents… It was more peaceful than Monday or Tuesday…"

"Well, that's good to hear," He said with a smile. "I guess we should do this right. Would you step on the scale, please, Nessie? You can take off your shoes if you like."

Nessie chuckled, and handed me her purse, and then stepped out of her shoes and onto the scale. She looked like she should weigh about a hundred and five pound dripping wet. She weighed considerably more due to her denser bone and muscle tissue. The digital readout settled at one-thirty-seven and a fraction of an ounce.

Carlisle looked to make sure nobody else in the office saw the weight, and then had her stand against the wall to measure her height. I'd been checking this for years myself, and she hadn't grown a fraction of an inch in almost three years now. She was just a hair over five foot five inches tall. You could throw in the extra quarter inch if you wanted to get technical, but we usually just said five-five. I wasn't really jealous, although it made me the shortest in our family. Renee was five foot six, while I was forever frozen at five foot four. I probably would have grown another couple of inches to at least match Renee, but it would have likely taken another four or five years. Renee had been the same height since she'd graduated from college at twenty-four, while I had been frozen like this at eighteen.

We followed Carlisle down the hall again after he cleared and reset the scale. He led us into an office with his name on the door instead of a regular exam room. He hadn't made any notes, but I knew he'd remember the height and weight. I could have told him if I needed to, but I knew he'd remember perfectly. He indicated we should sit in the leather upholstered chairs in front of his desk and Carlisle sat down in the office chair behind his desk.

"Well, to begin with, I guess you can go ahead and fill out the medical history and insurance information on the forms Ellen gave you. Go ahead and answer everything truthfully to the best of your ability. You can go ahead and put in the information for your current identity. I'll make any necessary corrections so the file looks human before I fabricate a record for your file."

"Ok," Nessie said, and her pen started to fly over the forms as she rapidly filled in the requested information.

"I'm still a little leery of allowing anyone who doesn't know about us examine you, Nessie. Even more so now that I've confirmed that your weight doesn't match your physical appearance. The first thing that any doctor I send you to is going to do is check your height and weigh, and then they'll check your blood pressure and temperature as a matter of course before they proceed to any tests that I've requested."

"Why don't we just start off with a basic physical exam and the samples you wanted, and then play it by ear from there?" I suggested.

"Alright, that sounds like a good starting point. There are some other non-invasive tests I can perform by myself as well if we need more information on the internal structures. I can take some x-rays and possibly an ultrasound if you're willing."

"Alright… That doesn't sound so bad…" Nessie replied a little hesitantly.

I opened my purse and retrieved a flash drive memory stick, and handed it to Carlisle. "I made copies of the records of Nessie's growth pattern that I've been recording almost since she was born," I said.

"Excellent," Carlisle said with a big smile. "I've been looking forward to examining this data."

Nessie finished the forms and laid the clipboard on Carlisle's desk and slid it towards him. "If you needed another doctor to examine me, couldn't you have them come to your office to do the tests? Then they wouldn't need to check those things because you could tell them that it's already done."

"I suppose that's a possibility, but the medical community doesn't really work like that these days. Most doctors prefer a patient to make an appointment and come to their office even for a simple consultation or a second opinion. It would be highly irregular for them to come to my office to examine you. Really, the only exception is a patient who's been admitted to the hospital, and then the doctor would go to your room, but a regular part of a hospital stay is having the nurses record your vital signs on a regular basis."

"Ok… Well I'm not going to the hospital anytime soon. Let's do what we can and go from there."

Carlisle nodded as he went over the forms Nessie had filled out. He made a couple of notes as he examined them. Then he laid the forms aside and opened his desk drawer to remove a couple of small electronic devices, a stethoscope and a blood pressure cuff.

"Let's go ahead and get the rest of the basics out of the way." He stood up and walked to the corner of the room and wheeled a small round stool around the desk to where Nessie was seated.

He used the first instrument and rolled the ball on the end across Nessie's forehead to read her temperature. "One hundred point six, that's a couple of degrees over human normal, but not so far out of the ordinary that it would give most professionals pause. They'd probably just assume you were running a low grade fever. Is that normal for you?"

"Yes…" Nessie said.

"She ran around one-oh-three when she was born, but it's been steadily dropping over time as she grew up. One-hundred-point-six has been normal for the last three or four years now," I said.

Carlisle got the blood pressure cuff next and wrapped it around her upper arm and started pumping it up once it was secure. It looked uncomfortably tight before he cracked the valve open and started taking readings while he listened to her pulse with the stethoscope.

"Ok…" He said thoughtfully. "One-sixteen over sixty… That's in the normal human range, but maybe a little high for somebody of your sex and age bracket. That's more normal for a man in their early fifties but your heart rate is around eighty beats per minute… That's still within the human range of normal. Is that normal for you, or are you nervous about being here?"

"No, I'm not particularly nervous. I was a little apprehensive before we got here that you'd still want to perform a pelvic exam, but otherwise, no. I'm not nervous."

"I've never tested Nessie's blood pressure, but I know her heart rate has slowed considerably from what it was when she was an infant. When she was little, it sounded like a humming birds wings beating it was so fast."

"Alright…" Carlisle picked up another instrument, and I recognized it as a small light with a fixture to clip on a plastic cone to examine the ears, eyes and throat. "Ok, I'm going to take a look in your ears now…"

Nessie swept her hair over her shoulder, exposing first one ear, and then the other as Carlisle used the flashlight to examine her ears. He replaced the cone and told her to say 'Awww" and looked in her mouth and shined the light down her throat.

"Ok, I'm going to shine a bright light in your eyes. Just focus on a point on the wall, and don't move your eyes to try to look at the light."

Nessie stared at the wall and Carlisle shined the light in her eyes.

"Normal dilation response, perhaps a bit faster than a human reaction, how's your night vision?"

"About the same as yours from what Bella describes. I can show you what I see."

"Ok…"

Nessie held out her hand and Carlisle took it. His eyes took on a slightly glazed look as he saw the images Nessie shared with him.

"Amazing, your vision is equally as good as any vampires. You eyes are brown. Are they always brown?"

"No. They don't turn yellow from animal blood, but they turn red when I hunt my intended prey and consume my natural diet."

"Alright…" Carlisle said with a slight frown. "Are you able to provide me with a urine sample today, or should a send a specimen cup home with you?"

"That depends on the kind of sample you want. I can eat and digest human food and drink, and I have to dispose of the waste from my body the same way a human does. I drank liquids today at school so I can provide you with a sample, but I know the pee from drinking human beverages is different from what I void out of my system after hunting. You can test them for yourself, but the scent, the color and the quantity differ."

"Alright, then give me a sample today, and I'll send a specimen cup home with you for a sample of the other from after you hunt as well."

Carlisle reached into a drawer in his desk and withdrew a small cup with a lid and handed it to Nessie. "There's a restroom down the hall. Go ahead and collect the specimen, and then we'll see if we can draw some blood when you get back."

"Ok… Sure thing, grandpa…" Nessie slipped out of the room and closed the door behind her.

Carlisle was absolutely beaming with an ear to ear grin. "I never realized just how much I would enjoy hearing that particular endearment. I am truly sorry for everything you've had to endure, Bella, but I can't say I'm sorry to have an opportunity to finally meet my granddaughter." He said as he resumed his seat behind the desk.

"I have no regrets that she's a part of my life. Much as I hate what's happened between me and Edward, I wouldn't change anything that would have prevented me from having Nessie."

"Yes, Edward was very upset when he returned home from school yesterday. I understand there was an incident, but both Edward and Jasper assured me that there was no exposure. I didn't receive all the details."

"I suppose it was my fault. We… talked... I guess he was pushing my buttons, and I pushed the button that made him punch someone's locker in and crack one of the walls in the school building."

"What did he say to you to make you mad?"

"He assumes my career is only about money and that I only continue to do what I do is because I have no other options. He wants me to quit my career and give up what I do so he can take care of me. I don't want someone to dictate my life to me and take care of me. I do what I do because I want to make a difference in the world."

"I can understand your desire for independence and wanting to do something worthwhile to make the world a better place, but is that all he said that upset you?"

"No… I'm not ready to let him back in if he wants to try and run my life again like he did when I was seventeen. He was upset because one of the human boys at school is attracted to me and seems interested in pursuing a relationship with me. I told Edward I'd date him if I needed a date to double date with Nessie or accompany her when she goes to dances or parties."

"I can see where that might upset him, but Edward is usually capable of restraining himself better than that…"

"There's more… He questioned my control and I told him the boy would be perfectly safe with me. I may have let slip that I've dated human boys before. I told him I was capable of doing everything Tanya enjoys with her humans…"

"Oh my… Yes, I can see where he may have reacted somewhat violently… There's something you should know, Bella…"

"Yes? What's that?"

"I spoke with Edward last night, and while he didn't go into all of the details, he explained that he wasn't questioning your control. He was questioning his own. When he said the boy would be in danger, he meant he would be in danger from what he would do to him if he saw you together, not that you might slip and harm him."

"Oh… That didn't even occur to me…"

"It seems to me that a lot of the issues between the two of you stem from a fundamental lack of communication. While Edward is intrigued by your silent mind, he has no experience at talking to people to find out what they want. He always simply knows and acts on that knowledge. When it comes to you and your needs, he doesn't have the first clue about what you want and what you need, Bella. He's operating completely in the dark and he makes assumptions based on his experience with human reactions. Unfortunately, you rarely react like the rest of the people around you, and it confounds him."

"Are you trying to justify what he's done and how he's treated me, Carlisle? I never would have expected that from you."

"Oh, no, Bella, don't read that into what I'm saying to you. I do not condone Edward's actions and I do truly believe he has acted both wrongly and stupidly, but his ultimate sin is making assumptions about what is happening and not talking to you about your needs or the decisions he makes. It was wrong of him to assume he knew what was best for you. My error was assuming he was correct simply because he usually is, but I didn't take into consideration the fact that he couldn't read your mind. I wronged you through my inaction and allowing him to set our course of action. I was responsible for letting him get away with it. I am truly sorry for doing that to you."

"I don't blame you, Carlisle…"

"You should. I should have considered the ramifications of him not being able to read your mind. I should have spoken to you directly to determine your take on the decision to leave, but it was such a new and rare situation that all of the implications didn't sink in for a long time. I made the same mistakes Edward did. I didn't talk to you and assumed he was correct."

"I still don't blame you, Carlisle. It was Edward's decision to leave. He's responsible for everything that's happened."

"Alright, that's true, but I still shouldn't have let things end the way they did. You were already part of the family and we abandoned you. I am truly sorry for that Bella."

"I forgive you then, but I'm not letting Edward off the hook so easily."

"Alright, thank you… but what I'm really trying to say, the point I'm trying to illustrate is that the two of you need to sit down and talk this out."

"Oh…"

"He's not going to change appreciably until he understands what you want and what he needs to do to make that happen. I think we're both inclined to say that he's made a mess of this whole situation by acting alone without consulting you about your opinion or what is important to you."

"Yes…"

"So tell him. You're doing better, but he has over a hundred years of assuming he's always right to get through. He can't read your mind girl, so you've got to tell him what's on it."

"Ok…"

"Please excuse me if I'm being blunt and to the point, but sometimes, at least in the past, you've had a tendency to shut down and let other people take the lead. You have ten years experience at being in charge. Use that. Explain to him what you want in exhausting detail so he knows clearly exactly what you're telling him. Then listen to him. He'll still likely make assumptions, the wrong assumptions. Keep talking to him until he really understands. You don't have to give up who you are, but all couples compromise, Bella."

"I think he has a lot further to go in that regard than I do."

"Believe me when I say that I don't doubt that for a minute. Your part of the compromise might simply be giving him the opportunity to talk to you and find out what you need out of this relationship."

"I don't know if I can do that yet... I need time to accept even knowing he's back in the picture..."

Carlisle was about to speak again when there was a knock on the door and then Nessie stepped back into the room.

"I can go back to the waiting room if you want to continue this discussion, but I felt funny standing out in the hallway holding a cup of pee." She handed the sample cup to Carlisle. "Would you two like some privacy to continue? I can leave if you'd like…"

"No, please come in and have a seat, Nessie," I said. You didn't have to wait in the hall. Today is supposed to be about you. I can work out my issues with your father on my own time."

"Yes, Nessie," Carlisle said. "Please come in dear. This shouldn't take much longer."

Nessie nodded and resumed her seat. "So, blood test next?"

"Yes, that's the plan. Does that upset you? I assure you; I'll be as gentle as possible and endeavor to cause as little discomfort as possible."

"No... I'm just curious about how you're planning to do this. My skin is fairly tough and resilient. I'm not sure if you'll even be able to penetrate it with an ordinary needle..."

"Then I suppose I'll have to use something besides an ordinary needle," Carlisle said as he reached down and unlocked a lower drawer on his desk and removed a leather doctors bag.

He opened the bag and began setting out supplies on the desktop. My eyes got big when I saw the needle he pulled out of his bag. I knew he was trying to shield it from Nessie as he covered it with his hand so she wouldn't see it, but it looked huge to me. I guess it was still with in the realm of 'normal', as far as needles went, but I had never liked needles, and even now I felt woozy just seeing it although I knew it should have no effect on me.

"As you know, I've experimented with venom for many years now to determine its properties, chemical make up and medicinal uses. When someone speaks of venom, it generally gives you the impression that it's secreted from glands in the mouth like the poison glands in a venomous snake, and that the easiest way to collect venom would be to milk these glands much as how researchers collect venom from rattlesnakes and cobras. In practice, I have determined that this isn't the case at all for our species.

"While venom is certainly present in our mouths and our bite, the venom in our mouths is contaminated with salivary secretions from the typical salivary glands in the mouth under the tongue. Venom is actually our circulatory fluid, analogous to blood in other species. It is released into the mouth by ducts behind the teeth in the roof of the mouth. It circulates throughout our bodies, but it isn't pumped like blood because it doesn't carry oxygen or nutrition the way blood does. As far as I can tell, the venom promotes regeneration at the molecular level and uses an entirely different mechanism to transfer energy. As far as I can tell, it facilitates the change by rewriting the candidates DNA at the molecular level sort of like the way a retro-virus works in gene therapy, but on a vastly more complex level."

"That's amazing," Nessie said, "But what does that have to do with drawing my blood?"

"Well, for one thing, I'm curious if you actually have blood or if it's something that's more of a combination of venom and resistant blood cells. Venom is actually very similar chemically to blood plasma, but without the red and white blood cells that support the oxygen transfer, carry glucose to the cells for energy and provide for the immune response."

"Ok..."

"During the early stages of my research, I used orally collected venom samples, but the salivary contamination caused issues. I developed techniques for extracting free flowing venous venom samples. Your skin may be tough and puncture resistant, but I'm confident I can collect a sample, and with probably less difficulty than I've had with the rest of the family."

"Oh... Ok..."

"Now, which one of you wants to go first?" Carlisle said as he came back around the desk and resumed his seat on the round stool.

"What? First? You want to stick me with that thing too?" I exclaimed, shocked.

"Well, I have collected venom samples from everyone else in the family, Bella. It would help further my research, and you could say you owe me one since you did happen to abscond with all of my research venom supply several years ago..."

"Umm... Ok... I guess fair is fair... I suppose I owe it to you..."

"Thank you. Why don't we start with you, Nessie, dear? I think it'll be easier than collecting a sample from your mother. There are extra steps necessary to collect a venom sample."

"Ok...

"Just roll up your sleeve and lay your arm on the desk, and I'll try to make this quick..."

Carlisle pulled on a pair of rubber gloves, gently took her arm and fastened a thin rubber strap tourniquet around her upper arm, pulling it snugly tight, tucking the end in so it would stay in place. He examined the thin skin inside of her elbow, gently probing with his fingertips as he searched for a vein.

"Yes... This should work nicely..." He tore open an alcohol swab and carefully scrubbed the inside of her elbow.

Carlisle reached for the needle and I had to look away.

"That's pretty big..." Nessie said, conversationally, as though the thought of him stabbing her with it didn't phase her in the least.

"It just looks bigger than a typical blood collection needle. I have them custom manufactured by a company in Germany. Technically it's a fifteen gauge needle, 1.829MM, but the inside diameter is equivalent to a standard twenty-one gauge needle at 0.514MM so it collects a sample just like a regular blood collection needle, but the wall thickness of the stainless steel tube is thicker to make it stronger and more durable. It has a true short bevel point so it's not quite as sharp as a standard bevel needle, but it's stronger and less prone to breakage."

"Huh, and you think it'll work?"

"I've used them on all of the rest of the family. Ok, you're going to feel a stick..."

"OWW!"

"Sorry..."

"It's ok. It was more startling than anything else. I've never been cut or punctured before. Actually I've never had the cut that bled before... It's red."

I could definitely smell blood, although the scent didn't call to me. I knew I was being overly squeamish. I'd stood in rooms with the blood of my victims literally splashed on the walls and felt no queasiness or remorse. Now the thought of a simple pinprick and blood test was making my head spin. Talk about the power of suggestion, I knew I was psyching myself out over this...

"It is at that, isn't it?" Carlisle said in wonder. "It looks and smells like blood, but I can smell venom as well. Amazing... It doesn't call to me the way human blood does. It doesn't make my throat burn."

"Well, that's good. How many vials do you need to collect?"

"Just two more, and I should have enough for all the tests I want to run."

"Ok. This isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be."

"Most patients don't want to watch. They say it makes them queasy."

"Huh, well it doesn't bother me. Blood is blood... Although it does seem kind of odd to watch the tube fill like that, and not have any desire to have a taste..."

"The instinctive response is mostly driven by the olfactory sense. We're scent hunters, not sight hunters. The venom content seems to be strong enough to offset the blood scent enough to prevent the typical reaction."

"Well, good. It would just be wrong if I wanted to eat myself." Nessie chuckled.

"Ok, that should do it... Hold this in place for a second and then I'll check it."

I finally turned back to look and Carlisle was holding several glass tubes of blood in his hand, gently tipping them end for end to mix the blood with some chemical inside the tubes. Nessie was holding a piece of cotton firmly against the inside of her elbow to cover the place where he must have stuck her with the needle. Carlisle capped the needle with a clear plastic cover and laid it on his desk while he marked on the labels of the vials with a pen. The needle looked absolutely huge.

Then he turned to me.

"Are you ready, Bella?" He asked.

"Yes..." I said in a small voice, but I didn't sound at all confident about this.

"This should be relatively painless and quick," Carlisle said as he reached into the bag and withdrew a fresh needle and another tool. It looked almost like a miniature electric drill, like the kind of tool used by hobbyists to build models or work on electric circuit boards.

"What is that?" I asked, becoming alarmed.

"It's a Dremel tool with a diamond drill bit attached. I'll need to use it to penetrate the skin and the outer surface of the vein. I'd break the needle if I simply tried to stick you like Nessie. This will weaken the surface sufficiently to allow the needle to puncture the vein without breaking or bending."

"What if you drill too deep?"

"It won't be cause for concern, but I'd probably have to start over if I punctured the vein. The venom would seal the wound before I could get the needle in. The trick is to just drill deep enough to weaken the surface sufficiently to let the needle punch through. Then the wound won't seal until the needle is withdrawn..."

"Fine, stop talking about it and just do it!" I held my arm out rigidly on the desk and looked away.

"Ok... Are you sure this alright, Bella? I don't want to act against your will or make it seem that I've coerced you into doing something you don't want to do..."

I sighed and tried to calm down as hung my head but refused to look in his direction. "I'm fine... Please just get it over with... I know it's irrational, but I don't like needles. I never did as a human, and it appears the basic fear has remained with me even after all these years. I'll be ok once it's over with..."

"Ok..." Carlisle said a little tentatively. "I'm going to need you to relax your arm and let it lie easy..."

I could feel him touching me, trying to position my arm on the desk, and I could feel the panic rising again. Then Nessie walked around the back of my chair and came up beside me to take my other hand.

"Just take deep breaths and try to calm down..." Nessie said, trying to soothe me.

I felt her projecting memories of happy times we'd shared together. Running together in the forest. Hiding in the trees on the edge of town, watching the humans. Riding our motorcycles as fast as we cold drive them as we flew down the highway together. Hunting together. Sharing our lives together.

I could feel Carlisle working on my arm, but it was muted in the background as Nessie shared the happy times of our lives with me. I felt the drill tickling at the inside of my elbow. There was heat and a scraping sensation, but it wasn't painful. Then it stopped. Seconds later there was a sharp pressure and the sensation of something sticking me, but I ignored it and focused on flying through the roof tops as I stalked human predators with Nessie at my side.

"Ok, we're done," Carlisle said.

I blinked as the memories halted and the office swam back into the forefront of my reality. He had most of the equipment cleared away before I looked down at my arm, but the wound was already sealed. I would have had to seriously study the crease in my elbow to notice anything out of the ordinary.

"There's no mark. Not even a scar... I was expecting at least a pinprick sized scar. Why is that? Jasper has scars all over his body from venom, and I still have a scar on my hand where James bit me all those years ago..."

"Your own venom doesn't leave scars. It heals you completely. You have a scar from James because he bit you when you were human. Even burning through the change won't erase that mark because it happened while you were human. Jasper has scars from the venom of the vampires he's fought. Foreign venom causes scars, but your own doesn't leave a mark."

"Ok, that's good to know. So, what's next?" I asked.

"Well, I suppose we're done with the physical exam, so it's time to get to the heart of the matter and discuss what you came here for." Carlisle said as he put away his bag with the samples and blood collection equipment, and then walked around his desk to sit back down in his chair.

He picked up the clipboard with the forms Nessie had filled out and studied her answers to the medical history questions.

"Is your period regular?"

"Like clockwork. Twenty-eight days exactly. You can set your calendar by it."

"So according to this history you filled out then, you're expecting it to start next week?"

"Yes."

"Have you experienced any symptoms of premenstrual syndrome or any of the cravings you showed me during this cycle yet?"

"Yes, but it's just beginning. I'll probably go to the gym after we leave here for my workout."

"Ok, continue your exercise regimen, but I want to start you on some human donor blood to see what affect it has on your symptoms."

"Ok, I can't argue with that..." Nessie said with a smile.

"Is that alright with you, Bella?" Carlisle asked, turning to me.

"If you think it will help relieve her cramps, it's alright with me. I'm not opposed to drinking human blood. It's killing humans to get it that I don't like. I have no qualms against her using donor blood, and I suppose it is being used for medicinal purposes even if it isn't the exact usage that was envisioned when it was donated."

"Alright, wait here and I'll be right back in a couple of minutes." Carlisle got up and walked out of the office.

I sighed as we waited in the office. "Thanks for helping me with the venom sample, Nessie. That was tough for me."

"It's fine mom. I know you'd do the same for me if you could. We look out for each other. I've got your back, and I know you're looking out for me."

"I love you, Nessie," and I reached for her hand and squeezed it. She didn't need to vocalize the sentiment. I could feel her love through the connection she shared with me.

Carlisle walked back into the room with a medium sized bright red cooler with a white lid and a bio-hazard label on the side. "Human Donor Tissue" was emblazoned on the side of the container.

"We're supposed to walk out of here carrying that?" I asked, shocked. "Won't somebody say something?"

"You'd be surprised. Some of the staff have them at home. I hear they take them to the beach and parties as a joke. You'll have a prescription for it, and the container will be sealed. If anyone wants to look inside, tell them it'll ruin the samples and they'll have to pay for them. They'll leave you alone."

"Ok... So how does she use this..."

"Well, the usual expedient is to drink it..." Carlisle said with a grin on his face that made him look almost boyish.

"I know that! How much, how often?"

Carlisle shrugged. "As much as it takes to prevent the cramps. Start off slowly and keep notes for me. if you think you're going to run out, call me and I'll get you more. You should keep this refrigerated at home. Obviously you'll want to keep it someplace where humans won't see it, should you have company. I'm hoping this should be enough to get you through at least the first week before your period, but whole blood only has a shelf life of around seven days. We'll see about getting you more for next week once we have an idea of the effective dosage."

"Ok," Nessie said. "Can I open this and take a look?"

"Sure, we should probably have you try this out here to see if this is going to work."

We stood up and Nessie removed the lid of the cooler. It was packed with small plastic pouches of dark red blood. They were all sealed so there was no scent of blood, just a sort of medicinal plastic smell. Nessie reached into the container and picked up one of the pouches to look at it. It filled her hand as she held it and looked at the label.

"It's cold." She said.

"It's been refrigerated to keep it fresh. You can warm it when you use it at home. I wouldn't attempt to put it in the microwave. The radiation from the microwaves will probably have an adverse affect on the cellular structures. You don't want to cook it. I would suggest running the bag under warm water or placing it in a towel with a hot water bottle until it achieves the appropriate temperature. A heating pad or a chemical hand warmer with adequate insulation would probably work too."

"Ok... So how do you suggest I do this?"

"Well, you can cut the bag open and pour it into a cup, or you can simply bite the end off the plastic tube, and drink it like a juice box. The plastic bag should collapse as you suck the blood out. You could squeeze the bag too to cause it to flow faster. Go ahead and give it a try so we can see if this is going to work."

Nessie looked at me, and I smiled at her encouragingly. She shrugged and placed the end of the tube attached to the pouch between her lips and bit off the end. She spit out the sealed end of the tube into her hand. I saw her give the bag a squeeze and the blood flowed up the tube under pressure and squirted between her lips into her mouth.

She took a couple of big swallows drinking half the bag, and then pulled the tube out of her mouth as she pinched off the tube to cut off the flow and keep the blood from leaking out.

Her eyes were pinched tightly shut and she had a look of profound distaste on her face. "Gahhh! Oh that's gross...!"

I could smell the blood now, and it certainly appealed to me. There were only tiny drops of blood moistening the end of the tube, but the scent made my mouth water and my throat burn.

"Umm... What's wrong? I asked.

"It's cold and it's stale! It tastes like medicine... You can taste the chemicals they treat it with to keep it from clotting, and it ruins the taste. I guess it would be barely palatable if it was warmed up to body temperature, but it's nothing like fresh blood from biting someone."

"Those are amazing insights," Carlisle said. "I had no idea..."

"You've tasted human blood," Nessie said. "You turned more than half the family."

"Well yes... I was referring to the donor blood. Of course I've never tried it..."

"Would you like to?" Nessie asked.

"Oh no... This is for you because you have a condition that we're attempting to treat. I could never actually partake of this. It would be morally wrong..."

"You don't have to drink it to experience it," and Nessie held out her hand to him.

"Oh... Yes, I suppose I could experience it that way..." Nessie took his hand, and Carlisle got a pinched look on his face like he'd tasted something foul and wanted to spit it out. "Oh my... That is rather disgusting, isn't it..."

Nessie sighed. "But it's effective. I can feel it working already, slaking my cravings and the twinges that would have turned into cramps are already going away."

She appeared to steel her resolve, took a deep breath, and sucked the tube back between her lips to finish off the bag.

"So you feel the treatment will be effective despite the obvious disadvantages?"

"Yes, it should work, but next time I'm warming this up first. Would you like to see for yourself?" Nessie asked.

Carlisle smiled. "Certainly, dear."

Nessie held out her hand and took Carlisle's again. His eyes glazed over momentarily as she shared her symptoms and condition with him.

"Yes, I see... It's truly amazing that you can share your symptoms and reactions to the treatment with me. I understand perfectly exactly what you're experiencing without having to understand what you're trying to explain. Simply amazing!"

Then Carlisle turned to me. "It appears that the treatment will be effective at relieving Nessie's symptoms."

"Alright. What about the rest, then?" I asked.

"I'll process the tests and see what I can determine about her fertility and periods. I doubt any oral contraceptive will be effective for her for the same reason she can't use any over the counter medications. I'll try to get some answers for you, Bella, but should the need arise, I believe condoms should be an effective form of birth control in the mean time."

I nodded, and then I turned to look at Nessie. "What about her eyes?" I asked. They were already starting to turn red from the human blood. They'd be bright ruby crimson before we got home.

"I'll write you a prescription for colored contact lenses." Carlisle got out a pad and wrote out our prescriptions and handed then to me.

Nessie opened her purse and took out a set of contacts and put them in her eyes. All of us carried them for emergencies in case there was an accident.

"Have you tried this brand of contact yet?" Carlisle asked, indicating the brand he'd specified on the prescription.

"No," I said. "We usually buy the cheaper brands and stock up on them in bulk in case there's an accident so we have some on hand."

"This brand is partially owned and heavily invested in by several associates of mine. They're vampires like us. I provided some research to them, and others of our kind helped source the materials. They market these contacts to humans, claiming they can wear them for a month at a time and even sleep in them. The claims for humans are true, but they also aren't as reactive to our venom and are more chemically resistant. One pair should last you all day, and you won't have to keep changing them while you're at school."

Nessie smiled at him. "That is a nice breakthrough. I always hated having to change contacts every couple of hours."

"You've never had to wear them in public. I just made you stay home until your eyes were brown again."

"Ok, we'll go with that story..." Nessie said, looking away and setting the lid on the cooler full of human blood.

That made me wonder... Had there ever been a time when Nessie was wearing contacts to hide her red eyes from me? I was certain I would have noticed... At least I thought I would have noticed...

It was a moot point now. Nessie had access to a supply of human blood for at least half the month. Her eyes wouldn't even have a chance to turn brown again before it was time to use more blood to treat her condition.

She had an excuse to wear contacts all the time now because her eyes were going to be red all the time now.

I realized I no longer had any way to know if she was cheating or sticking to our agreement. All I could do was hope I'd raised her right and that she'd stick to the terms of the agreement. She wouldn't lie to me, but sometimes you didn't need to lie to hide the truth.

The problem was I knew my daughter, and that scared me.

**Author's Note:**

As you're probably aware, if you've been reading this story, I haven't updated or posted a new chapter for almost a year. In fact it's been exactly eleven months today while I type this. I got to a point where I liked the current story, but I really didn't like the end I had planned out for the story. I've reworked my outline and I have a new direction planned that I'm happier with, so I've been working on this story again to continue and hopefully finish it.

I'm currently working on finishing the next chapter for "The Darkest Part of the Night", while I'm working on updates for "You Can't Always Get What You Want". I do realize it has been almost a year since I updated "YCAGWYW". Actually, the main reason I even initially started posting "TDPotN" was because I had so much of it pre-written. I still have major chunks of that story that are done, and I'll begin posting the next major done section once I get the next chapter out of the way.

The only reason I even started posting "TDPotN" was because it was going to give me something to post while I worked on "YCAGWYW". I had close to twenty-five chapters of "TDPotN" completed before I started posting it. Unfortunately it didn't work out that way, and I have three or four other new stories about ten chapters or so long that I've never even started posting yet and several others in the three to four chapter range.

I am planning to wrap up some of the existing stories before I start posting any new ones, but it's going to take some time. In future, I plan to have stories pretty much complete before I start posting them.


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